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Quasi marriage

Same-sex couples of yesteryear made their own kind of unions

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‘Outlaw Marriages’
By Rodger Streitmatter
Beacon Press
$26.95
224 pages

(Image courtesy Beacon Press)

The groom looks nervous.

Maybe because he never thought this day would come. He never believed that he’d fall in love and because of that, he couldn’t imagine this day.

The other groom looks nervous, too. He knows how much work goes into a wedding and that’s doubly true for a wedding like this. He never thought this day would come, either. He didn’t think the law would ever allow it.

Something old, something new? More of the first, as you’ll see in the new book “Outlaw Marriages” by Rodger Streitmatter.

Years ago, gay men and lesbian women didn’t let a little discouragement stop them from enjoying “sub-rosa marriages.” Instead, they boldly “flouted convention.”

In 1865, for instance, 45-year-old Walt Whitman fell in love with a handsome 21-year-old streetcar conductor. Until that time, Whitman had a hard time getting his poetry noticed, but falling in love had a powerful impact on his work. Peter Doyle became the older man’s muse and was devoted to Whitman until the poet died.

Ned Warren and John Marshall were kindred spirits, too.

Both were obsessed with antiquities and had a passion for procuring them for U.S. museums. But though Warren loved Marshall, he didn’t want to be monogamous and then Marshall was forced to marry a woman. Mary Bliss-Marshall knew the score, though, and was happy to let her husband share his bed with Ned Warren. She was also happy to join the two men in procuring more antiques.

But, as with any modern union, things didn’t always go well in an outlaw marriage. Break-ups were inevitable.

Greta Garbo was a diamond in the rough when Mercedes de Acosta met the new starlet but under de Acosta’s tutelage, Garbo learned manners and poise, flourished and succeeded. As a screenwriter, de Acosta did everything to ensure that her lover got good roles and major accolades. The problem was that de Acosta couldn’t keep anything to herself, and she blabbed their secrets in a tell-all book. That was when Garbo coldly told de Acosta to get lost.

Let’s start with the bad news: at just more than 200 pages, “Outlaw Marriages” is barely longer than a Kardashian wedding. The good news is that it’s just as rich.

Mixing history, some old-fashioned scandal and plenty of star power, author Rodger Streitmatter not only gives readers a sense of the times in which these “outlaws” lived, but also — and this is pretty amazing — an idea of the tolerance they enjoyed.

In some cases, the media kept mum about the marriage (which technically were not marriages) and in other cases, the situation was public knowledge but few seemed to care.

“Outlaw Marriages” is the kind of book you’ll be disappointed to see end because it’s so much fun. And do I recommend it?

I do.

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Photos

PHOTOS: World Pride March

LGBTQ rights demonstration held in Amsterdam

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A scene from the 2026 World Pride March in Amsterdam. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

The 2026 World Pride March was held on Saturday, Aug. 8 in Amsterdam. Tens of thousands of participants marched from Martin Luther Kingpark to the grounds of the Pride Village at Museumplein.

(Washington Blade photos by Michael Key)

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PHOTOS: Daddy Issues at Kiki

Evry Pleasure, Tiara Missou-Sidora, Indiana Bones perform

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Evry Pleasure performs at the 'Daddy Issues' drag show at Kiki on Wednesday. (Washington Blade photo by Landon Shackelford)

The weekly drag show “Daddy Issues” was held at Kiki on Wednesday, Aug. 5. Performers included Evry Pleasure, Indiana Bones and Tiara Missou-Sidora.

(Washington Blade photos by Landon Shackelford)

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Books

Something’s off about Dad. When is it time to step in?

‘When Memory Fades’ can help when families face dementia

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(Book cover image courtesy of St. Martin's Essentials)

‘When Memory Fades’
By Nathaniel Chin, MD
c.2026, St. Martin’s Essentials
$30/422 pages

Mom called you in a panic the other day.

She’d lost her keys and by the time you arrived to help, she’d found them. In the refrigerator.

These kinds of things keep happening, not often but often enough, and you don’t know quite what to worry about. But in the new book “When Memory Fades” by Nathaniel Chin, MD, you’ll learn about the journey ahead, for both of you.

You can’t remember why you walked into a room. You got lost last week, going to the bank. Popular wisdom says that things like that are normal as we age, but Chin says that’s not true – although the answer may not be a worst-case scenario, either. Yes, memory problems could just be signs of stress, dehydration, or lack of sleep – or is it time to see a doctor?

Chin says maybe, yes.

He was working his way through medical residency when his father, a geriatrician in Madison, Wisc., was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Chin, now a geriatrician, was blindsided, but that diagnosis also changed his life.

Here, he writes about the brain, and how Alzheimer’s and dementia are diagnosed, explaining that dementia has many faces and, depending on a doctor’s evaluation, memory problems might be slowed or improved. He shares his father’s illness with readers, but he also writes about his mother, a steadfast, steady caretaker.

Her story reminds reader-guardians to care for themselves, too.

Know how to talk the talk, so that you can have “a more productive” conversation with your doctor. Understand that there’s nothing “normal” about dementia or Alzheimer’s. Know the statistics – African Americans are affected with dementia twice as much as whites – and know how to lower your risks. Learn here what questions to ask, how to break the news to everyone, and any legal matters that will be important soon. And know how to tend to you.

Says Chin, “The best action you can take is to educate yourself… The more you understand, the better equipped you are to make sound judgments.”

Something’s off about Dad, just a lot of little things that don’t add up. When is it time to step in? “When Memory Fades” can help you decide.

Wise, wide-spread, comprehensive, and compassionately helpful, this is a book you can read and then take it to the doctor with your loved one. It’s a book that makes sense when nothing else does, and its biggest feature is that it smoothly transitions from easy-to-grasp science and charts, to gentle coaching for caregivers. Author Nathaniel Chin, MD writes with storytelling, humility, grace, and experience from both sides of the Alzheimer’s/dementia issue, and his words are reassuring but also urgent. Learn, but don’t wait, he says. Know how to safeguard yourself. See your doctor, and don’t fear testing. Watch for signs of depression. And never, ever stop asking for help.

Read those last seven words, and find “When Memory Fades” now. It’s a book to have on your shelf, whether you’re 45 or 95 because, as you’ll see, dementia happens and knowledge is key.

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