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Raising trans children

Parents with gender non-conforming kids share their stories

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ā€˜Transitions of the Heartā€™
Edited by Rachel Pepper, foreword by Kim Pearson
Cleis Press
$16.95
224 pages

Itā€™s hard to imagine or understand the feelings of confusion or isolation that come when a young son says heā€™s really a girl or a daughter swears sheā€™s a boy trapped in the wrong body. In the new book ā€œTransitions of the Heart,ā€ edited by Rachel Pepper, mothers faced with those dilemmas share how they cope.

(Image courtesy Cleis Press)

Even though itā€™s a problem most parents never face, itā€™s interesting to hear how those who have addressed it. Several say it involved a transition for both the child and parent. They write of gradually realizing their daughter isnā€™t just a tomboy or their son wasnā€™t ā€œjust going through a phase.ā€ More than one mother admits that she knew her child was different when she was firmly corrected on pronouns and clothing choice.

Many women felt relief and were astonished when they realized that as their children were allowed to openly express their true genders, they were seeing their sons or daughters happy for the first time. As the stories unfold, itā€™s especially poignant when this joy has followed suicide attempts.

Still, itā€™s ā€œa process.ā€ More than one mother has hoped her child might have a change of heart. There are rants in this book, heartbreak and pain. There are moms who canā€™t believe this happened and in some cases, it happened more than once in the same immediate family.

And yet, most of the women in this book admit that theyā€™ve come to respect their children and the difficult things theyā€™ve done. For one mom, heā€™s ā€œsomeone I would not have missed knowing for anything in the world.ā€

And from another, to her child: ā€œā€¦ Iā€™ll always love you.ā€

Sometimes, the ā€œTā€ in ā€œLGBTā€ seems to hide behind its fellow letters. Your friends and family might not even know what it stands for, but ā€œTransitions of the Heartā€ explains in a gentle, celebratory way.

Thatā€™s a very useful beacon for anyone who feels isolated as their transgender child begins to embrace who (s)he is. But itā€™s also important, I think, that editor Rachel Pepper includes stories that arenā€™t so rosy mixed with the stories of acceptance and encouragement. That added a stronger, more authentic message to this book and quashed the Pollyanna-ish tone it mightā€™ve had otherwise.

But itā€™s not just for parents of trans children. There are useful lessons about acceptance and unconditional love that will resonate with many parents, gay or straight.

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Out & About

Blade to mark 55 years, celebrate Best Of LGBTQ DC

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The Washington Blade will celebrate 55 years of delivering LGBTQ news and also the best LGBTQ things in the city on Thursday, Oct. 17 at 7 p.m. at Crush Bar.

First drink courtesy of Absolut. Must be 21 to attend and the eventā€™s sponsors are ABSOLUT, Crush, and Infinite Legacy.

Tickets start at $10 and can be purchased at bestoflgbtqdc.com.

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Out & About

Upper Chesapeake Bay Pride hosts October events

‘The New Black’ viewing in Bel Air, Md.

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(Washington Blade file photo by Ernesto Valle)


The Upper Chesapeake Bay Pride Foundation is hosting a series of October events, starting with a free documentary, ā€œThe New Black,ā€ on Oct. 15 at 5:30 p.m. at Branch Towson University in Bel Air, Md. Admission is free; visit ucbpride.com for details and to reserve a spot. There will also be a family-friendly Sunday stroll on Oct. 20, 5-6 p.m. at North Park Loop Trail; meet at the Lock House at 817 Conesteo St. in Havre de Grace, Md.Ā 

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Theater

A contemporary take on ā€˜Romeo and Julietā€™ at Folger

Creating a world that appeals to young audiences

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Fran Tapia as Lady Capulet, Caro Reyes Rivera as Juliet, and Luz Nicolas as Nurse in William Shakespeareā€™sĀ ā€˜Romeo and Juliet,ā€™ directed by Raymond O. Caldwell at the Folger Theatre through Nov. 10.Ā (Photo by Erika Nizborski)

ā€˜Romeo and Julietā€™
Through November 10
Folger Theatre
201 East Capitol St. S.E., Washington, D.C.
$20-$84
Folger.edu

In out director Raymond O. Caldwellā€™s production of ā€œRomeo and Julietā€ currently playing at Folger Theatre, the Capulet family are Puerto Rican except for Lord Capulet (Todd Scoffield) who is white with a Southern accent. 

Fran Tapia (Lady Capulet), Luz Nicolas (Nurse), and Caro Reyes Rivera (Juliet) all speak Spanish when they are together. Rosa Garay LĆ³pez (Translator and Interpreter) translated certain scenes into Spanish. The Montagues are played by a cast of multiracial and multiethnic actors.

Tapia, a Helen Hayes Award-winning actor, identifies as part of the LGBTQ community. She says, “I am Chilean, Latina, queer and a proud immigrant.”  

After receiving her acting degree in Santiago de Chile, Catholic University, Tapia started working professionally as an actor and a dancer with contemporary dance companies.

The newly single actor has been living in D.C. since 2019 and plans to remain based here. Recently, she shared her experiences playing Julietā€™s mother in Shakespeareā€™s story of the star-crossed lovers, a play she first read as a girl in Santiago. 

WASHINGTON BLADE:  Typically, Lady Capulet is portrayed as detached, a woman who canā€™t even remember her daughterā€™s age. Whatā€™s your spin on the Capulet matriarch?

FRAN TAPIA:  From what Iā€™ve read and seen, including productions and films, sheā€™s a woman who has distanced herself from her daughter.

I see the part differently. I want to make it special, to get away from the hard mother. She does care about her husband and daughter. Her expectations are shaped by society more than anything, she has conservative goals, but that doesnā€™t mean that she doesnā€™t love her daughter.

BLADE: What else about your Lady Capulet is unique?

TAPIA: First of all, sheā€™s Puerto Rican. She speaks in Spanish and English. She loves to sing. Sheā€™s a party girl. Sheā€™s a devoted wife and partner in crime with Lord Capulet, sharing both his ambition and devotion to family. 

Lady Capulet wants to look pretty and she loves money. And she wants to be blonde, of course. I wear 26-inch blonde extensions for the part. Iā€™m giving so much drama to it. Itā€™s fun and dramatic and over the top.

She can share secrets with the Nurse played by Luz [Nicolas]. There are nuances with how she speaks to her. Lady Capulet speaks English when she wants to be formal. Luz brings the comedy. Sheā€™s also, a very good dramatic actress.

BLADE: Itā€™s a contemporary take on the Bardā€™s masterpiece. 

TAPIA: Itā€™s super contemporary. Raymond [Caldwell] is looking to create a world that appeals to young audiences. Heā€™s working with so many designers doing projection, lighting, and sound. There are so many surprises for you. 

BLADE: Am I right in guessing itā€™s not set in Verona.

TAPIA: Itā€™s set in a fictionalized Washington, D.C., inspired by the election year. The Capulets are a conservative political family based on nobody in particular. Theyā€™re struggling for power through the marriage of their daughter. Unlike the source material, theyā€™re not trying to marry off a teenager. Itā€™s more about preserving a legacy. Thatā€™s scary to lose when youā€™re used to having it.

BLADE: How is working with Raymond? Iā€™ve heard so many good things about him. 

TAPIA: Prior to joining the cast, Iā€™d heard from friends that he was good, but I had no idea how good. When I got this part, I gave myself the opportunity to offer my resources like singing. And heā€™s been super receptive. 

Raymond is very clear and bold. Lady Capulet has problems with addiction more intense than I imagined. I wonā€™t specify but weā€™re diving into all of that. There are so many kinds of addiction including social media for instance. In real life, Iā€™m addicted to Diet Coke as anyone in the cast can tell you. 

BLADE: Is Lady Capulet a part youā€™ve longed to play? 

TAPIA: Not really, but under the direction of Raymond Iā€™m loving every second of it. His view of things has given me a lot of freedom that I didnā€™t expect.

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