Living
Queery: Richard ‘Scott’ Gunn
The LGBT Police Week organizer answers 20 gay questions
About eight years ago, Richard “Scott” Gunn, a detective with a local county police department in Maryland he says he’s not permitted to name, recognized a need for an LGBT component to National Police Week, an event President Kennedy proclaimed in 1962 in which officers killed in the line of duty are memorialized.
LGBT Police Week (lgbtpoliceweek.org) has become a kind of parallel event in the last several years with its own spate of activities from social dinners and happy hours to a memorial service slated for Monday at noon in Dupont Circle where officers will honor Master Cpl. Sandy Rogers, a 28-year veteran police officer from South Carolina who was killed in the line of duty in January 2012. Her partner, also a cop, was barred from memorial events in their town, Gunn says, so he hopes Monday’s event will help “give her partner the support she needs right now.”
“We kind of started this on our own,” he says. “It’s kind of a homophobic arena to begin with and we saw the need for LGBT officers to come together with other LGBT officers.”
Gunn, who was outed on the force by his ex-wife during a nasty breakup about 15 years ago, guesses “less than a fifth” of LGBT officers, in his experience, are out on the job.
It’s also a big week for Gunn aside from Police Week — he and his partner of two years, Nicholas “Charger” Stone, plan to get married on Monday, the anniversary of the date they met.
Gunn, a 45-year-old Glen Burnie, Md., native, lives in Hyattsville, Md., with Stone and their dogs. He enjoys riding motorcycles and “curling up with Charger and the dogs to watch a movie” in his free time.
How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?
I have been out for 15 years and I really did not have to tell anyone. I was outed to my parents, my sisters and to my job by my ex.
Who’s your LGBT hero?
Matthew and Judy Shepard. The amount of work that Judy Shepard has put into the LGBT community on behalf of her son Matthew is incredible.
What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?
I may be a little partial, but Town Danceboutique for Bear Happy Hour is the best D.C. nightspot.
Describe your dream wedding.
We will be having our dream wedding this year. Charger and I met because of National Police Week. I had set an information table up for my LGBT Police Week events during Bear Happy Hour. That chance meeting led to an amazing relationship. He proposed during Bear Happy Hour by using a fantastic video presentation and by having a dance troupe perform a number to our song. I knew at that point that our wedding had to take place at Town, which has been such a wonderful part of our lives and it was only fitting to have our ceremony and reception there. We will be converting Town into our dream reception later this year.
What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?
Animal rescue. Up until the last three weeks, Charger and I had four rescue dogs, three Great Danes and my retired K-9 Shepherd. Unfortunately three weeks ago we lost our oldest Great Dane, Angel, and just yesterday we had to make the horrible decision to put my German Shepherd, Misty, to sleep because of an issue with her heart.
What historical outcome would you change?
9-11
What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?
Probably no pop culture moment, but I will never forget this past election when the voters of Maryland passed gay marriage and Obama was reelected. One of the most emotional moments of my life.
On what do you insist?
Equal respect for all of our LGBT heroes who have lost their lives protecting others around them. So many times the families, (partners, significant others, etc) are left out of all memorial services.
What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?
My last Facebook post was actually a picture of Misty, my Shepherd, and it said, “Heartbroken again … we had to say goodbye to our baby girl … k9 Misty was my partner for several years and one of the best drug dogs ever … I will never forget her.”
If your life were a book, what would the title be?
“Dogs on a Sofa”
If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?
Nothing at all.
What do you believe in beyond the physical world?
Not sure — could just be “lights out,” though part of me wants to believe there’s a reunion of some fashion.
What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?
Keep moving in the right direction. We have gained a lot in the last couple years and we need to keep the momentum going.
What would you walk across hot coals for?
To get to Charger and to save my animals.
What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?
That gay men are pedophiles.
What’s your favorite LGBT movie?
“Priscilla Queen of the Desert”
What’s the most overrated social custom?
Cell phones
What trophy or prize do you most covet?
I have received a couple trophies from my peers for everything that I do for LGBT Police Week. Anytime your peers recognize you for work you do for them, it’s special.
What do you wish you’d known at 18?
That I was gay — actually believing it and not just thinking that it might be the case.
Why Washington?
A lot of what Charger and I do revolves around the LGBT community. From running Bear Happy Hour, running other bear events, raising funds for D.C. charities and hosting events for LGBT police officers during National Police Week (lgbtpoliceweek.org), Washington is the place we need to be.
Real Estate
Real terrors of homeownership come from neglect, not ghosts
Mold, termites, frayed wires scarier than any poltergeist
Each October, we decorate our homes with cobwebs, skeletons, and flickering jack-o’-lanterns to create that spooky Halloween atmosphere. But for anyone who’s ever been through a home inspection there’s no need for fake scares. Homes can hide terrors that send chills down your spine any time of year. From ghostly noises in the attic to toxic monsters in the basement, here are some of the eeriest (but real) things inspectors and homeowners discover.
Every haunted house movie starts with a creepy basement, and in real life, it’s often just as menacing. Mold, mildew, and hidden water leaks lurk down there like invisible phantoms. At first, it’s just a musty smell — something you might brush off as “old house syndrome,” but soon enough, you realize those black or green patches creeping along the walls can be more sinister than any poltergeist.
Black mold (Stachybotrys chartarum) is particularly fearsome – it thrives in damp, dark places and can cause serious respiratory problems. It’s not just gross – it’s toxic and, while some types of mold can be easily cleaned up, removing black mold can cost more than an exorcism.
Have you ever heard strange buzzing or seen flickering lights that seem to move on their own? Before you call the Ghostbusters, call an electrician. Faulty wiring, outdated panels, and aluminum circuits from the mid-20th century are the true villains behind many mysterious house fires. Home inspectors can also find open junction boxes, frayed wires stuffed behind walls, or overloaded breaker panels that hum like a restless spirit.
Imagine an invisible specter floating through your home – something that’s been there since the 1950s, waiting for you to disturb it. That’s asbestos. Home inspectors dread discovering asbestos insulation around old boilers or wrapped around ductwork. It’s often lurking in popcorn ceilings, floor tiles, and even wall plaster. You can’t see it, smell it, or feel it—but inhaling those microscopic fibers can lead to serious illness decades later.
Lead pipes, once thought to be durable and reliable, are like the vampires of your water system – quietly poisoning what sustains you. The results of a lead test can be chilling: even a small amount of lead exposure is dangerous, particularly for children.
And it’s not just pipes – lead paint is another problem that refuses to die. You might find it sealed beneath layers of newer paint, biding its time until it chips or flakes away. This is why, when selling a property built prior to 1978, homeowners must disclose any knowledge of lead paint in the home and provide any records they may have of its presence or abatement.
Scratching in the walls. Tiny footsteps overhead. Droppings in the attic. It’s not a poltergeist – it’s pests. Termites, rats, bats, carpenter ants, and even raccoons can do more damage than any ghost ever could.
Termites are the silent assassins of the home world, chewing through beams and joists until the structure itself starts to sag. Rats and mice leave behind droppings that can spread disease and contaminate food. Bats are federally protected, meaning your haunted attic guests can’t just be evicted without proper precautions. And I once had a raccoon give birth in my chimney flue; my dogs went crazy.
Ever step into a home and feel the floors tilt under your feet? That’s no ghostly illusion – it’s the foundation shifting beneath you. Cracked walls, doors that won’t close, and windows that rattle in their frames are the architectural equivalent of a horror movie scream.
Foundation damage can come from settling soil, poor drainage, or tree roots rising from under the structure. In extreme cases, inspectors find entire crawl spaces flooded, joists eaten by rot, or support beams cracked like brittle bones. Repair costs can be monstrous – and if left unchecked, the whole house could become a haunted ruin.
Some homes hold more than just physical scares. Behind the drywall or under the floorboards, inspectors may uncover personal relics – old letters, photographs, even hidden safes or forgotten rooms. Occasionally, however, there are stranger finds: jars of preserved “specimens,” taxidermy gone wrong, or mysterious symbols scrawled in attic spaces.
These discoveries tell stories of the people who lived there before, sometimes fascinating, sometimes chilling, but they all add to the eerie charm of an old home, reminding us that every house has a history — and some histories don’t like to stay buried.
So, while haunted houses may be a Halloween fantasy, the real terrors in homeownership come from neglect, not ghosts. Regular inspections, good maintenance, and modern updates are the garlic and holy water that turn a trick of a home into a treat.
Valerie M. Blake is a licensed associate broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her via DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.
Advice
Sexual desire is waning, should we open our relationship?
Couple faces difficult choices after seven years
Dear Michael,
When I met my husband seven years ago, I was super attracted to him and we had a really hot sex life.
That feeling has been waning for a while and now I am just not feeling it.
I know that people get older, gain weight, get less attractive over time but that’s not the case here. Ben is as good looking as ever. But I have little desire to have sex with him.
It bothers me that I don’t really want to have sex with the guy I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.
Is this why everyone else I know has an open relationship? Is there something I can do to want to have sex with my husband again?
This is causing major problems in my marriage. I don’t initiate anymore and half the time I find an excuse to not have sex when Ben initiates. He knows something is up but I usually blame it on work stress or not feeling well. I don’t want to hurt his feelings.
Aside from this, I love Ben and we have a lot of fun together. We’re very close, talk about all sorts of stuff, but not this.
Michael replies:
Pretty much everyone in a long-term relationship has to deal with decreased desire at some point.
Sex changes after you’ve been with your partner for a while. Sex is not going to be as easy, hot, and irresistible as it was at the beginning of the relationship. Newness generates a lot of the sexual heat at the outset of a relationship, and when the newness is gone, you don’t easily feel the same sizzling excitement that you felt when you first met.
Unfortunately, the kind of sex that people have at the beginning of a relationship is totally glorified in our culture as the gold standard of sex.
I say “unfortunately” because it’s not possible to consistently have the hot sex of a new relationship, ongoing, with a long-term partner. So if you think that is the best or only kind of sex to have, you will be contemptuous of anything else, and you will be disappointed in your sex life with your partner as time marches on.
But the sizzling sex people have at the start of a relationship is just one way to have sex. If you are willing to be imaginative, and are open to change, there are many other kinds of sex that can be wonderful.
How about sex for emotional connection? Sex for physical closeness? Sex for romance? Sex to celebrate just being together?
So, consider changing (not lowering!) your expectations. Rather than sulking or moping that you don’t want to spontaneously jump Ben’s bones, be open to having sex with your husband that is based more on your relationship and on your love for each other.
Now, here’s a whole other angle to consider: While the excitement of a new partner often fades, there are still ways to generate excitement and passion in a long-term relationship by taking risks and revealing yourself more deeply. Stick with me and I’ll explain.
- You haven’t said anything to Ben about your waning interest. I encourage you to re-think this. You would be much better positioned to tackle this issue collaboratively. Not talking about how stuck you feel is likely to deepen your feeling of shame and fear that something is wrong. Speaking with Ben about what is actually a fairly common couples’ issue could be a relief.
- Ironic as this may seem, the closer two people are, the less comfortable they may be being frankly sexual with each other. Clients often tell me that they are more comfortable expressing their real desires to someone they hardly know (or don’t know at all) than to their significant other. For one thing, the more your partner means to you, the more you may fear rejection if you reveal sexual feelings and desires that might upset or even shock your partner. For another, as couples get closer, sex may start to feel like too much closeness, and avoiding sex may be a way to create some space.
Not speaking up about what is important keeps you distant from your partner and drains your relationship of vitality. A powerful antidote to this: work toward becoming a person who can take risks, tolerate discomfort and uncertainty, and be able stand on your own when you don’t get your partner’s validation.
Talking with Ben, whether it’s about your lack of spontaneous desire for sex, or about sexual interests you may be keeping from him for fear of judgment, would involve your making uncomfortable moves that might lead to Ben’s judgment or even rejection. But doing so would also, of course, allow the possibility of more happening between you sexually. It would also let Ben know you better, thereby deepening the level of intimacy in your relationship. Making these moves could also be inherently exciting, which —guess what—could help to shake you out of your sexual doldrums and bring more passion and life into your relationship.
Similarly, you might start initiating. Even if you’re afraid it won’t go well and even if you’re not feeling it. That is the only way you are going to figure out how to have satisfying long-term sex. Take the need for an erection or orgasm off the table. Sex with your partner should not be a performance. Go for closeness, connection, and what feels good. And challenge yourself to go places that you are uncomfortable about going.
If any of this intrigues you, “Passionate Marriage” and “Intimacy and Desire,” both by David Schnarch, explore how your sexual connection can deepen over time in a long-term relationship.
Finally, with regard to your considering an open relationship as a remedy: Do you think that would enhance the sexual connection between you and Ben?
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
Wedding Announcement
Douglas M. Haller and Timothy H. Longnecker wed in Detroit, Michigan
Couple weds in Detroit, Michigan
Douglas M. Haller and Timothy H. Longnecker were married on September 15, 2025 in Detroit’s gay-welcoming suburb Ferndale after 11 years as domestic partners in Midtown Detroit. Julia Music, coordinator of LGBTQ Pride celebrations in Ferndale, served as officiant.
The couple sang stanzas of the 1927 song “Side By Side” as their vows, concluding with an AI Gay Wedding Pledge: “to be Allies pursuing happiness, equality and shared dreams.”
The couples’ families hail from Detroit’s Old Redford neighborhood; Douglas is Irish and French-Canadian, Timothy is German and English. DNA testing confirmed to the couple that each shares substantial ancestry from Ostrobothnia, Finland.
Douglas began his advocacy as a gay cultural and political activist in 1971 by coming out in the disco dance scene of Detroit’s Gay Palmer Park neighborhood. In Washington, D.C. after 1974, he was an interior designer at Georgetown’s Little Caledonia boutique. Douglas became the co-owner of Hermes Antiques with Helen Coutts, a retired English Literature teacher from Redford H.S. On S St. at Connecticut Ave., D.C.’s first Pride celebrations were held in front of their shop, alongside Lambda Rising bookstore. Following victimization in an anti-gay hate attack, Douglas became the public awareness coordinator of the Gay Activists Alliance, and was the principal organizer of its Anita Bryant demonstration at Dupont Circle.
Returning to Detroit in 1979, Douglas achieved an M.A. in Ancient History & Archival Administration at Wayne State University (WSU), studying under Finley Hooper & Philip Mason; his Master’s Essay re: an American Labor Movement cartoonist, utilizing the Walter Reuther Library’s archives. His WSU 1973 B.A. included American Political/ Diplomatic History, & Interdisciplinary Studies. During 1979-82 he was Information Officer of ASP (Assoc. of Suburban People)— Metro Detroit’s largest gay and lesbian social and political organization.
Douglas relocated toSan Francisco in 1982. He was Curator of Photographs at California Historical Society Libraries in Pacific Heights and Los Angeles. Living in the Mission & Haight, he was active in Castro and South-of-Market gay life, just as the HIV/AIDS epidemic first appeared.
In 1986 Douglas relocated to Philadelphia, as Head Archivist of the University of Pennsylvania Museum of Archaeology/Anthropology; authoring an illustrated book on Maison Bonfils, 19th-century French photographers of the Near East. Douglas was Founding Archivist of Penguin Place, now Philadelphia’s William Way LGBT+ Community Center. He became a Charter Member, Academy of Certified Archivists; and Founding Member, Lesbian/ Gay Archives Roundtable, Soc. of American Archivists (Chicago).
Returning to WSU’s Reuther Library (1998), Douglas was Coordinator of Audiovisual Collections, & History of Photography Instructor. Following 9/11 Attacks (2001), he relocated to New Orleans as Head Curator of Louisiana State Museums. Later owning the Gay-welcoming Creole Inn B&B in the Marigny (nr the French Quarter), with his finger on the pulse of Nawlins’ Gaylife—until Hurricane Katrina (2005). GLBT+ neighborhoods weren’t inundated—becoming lively islands amidst destruction. Douglas returned to Detroit in 2008 as caregiver for his mother, Jeanette Kalahar (Haller) Marchand, formerly a radio singer in 1940s Detroit. He met Timothy in 2014.
Timothy achieved a 1991 MBA in Finance & 1985 BS in Management Information Systems from the Univ. of Michigan-Ann Arbor. During 30 years, he held Information Technology & Automotive Business positions in Metro Detroit & LA, including Partner at Deloitte & Touche, Ford Motor & IBM. As a Consultant, his work involved extensive travel in North America, Europe & Asia. He has two married daughters from a previous marriage, a Pediatric Cardiology Nurse Practitioner & a Recruiting Executive for Automotive Technology clients, both living in Metro Detroit. As their final project before retirement, Timothy & Douglas worked as Archivist & Technology Consultant for Detroit educators Harriet (Choreographer) & Irving (Sculptor) Berg. Harriet acted as a godmother during their early relationship & they assisted in caregiving during her final years.
Timothy and Douglas spend their retirement in a 1905 apartment near the Detroit Institute of Arts’ exhibits, films and concerts, enjoying ethnic restaurants, and traveling. In 2025 they went by train to experience the “First Homosexuals 1869-1939” exhibition in Chicago. The curator of the exhibition, Jonathan Katz, 1976 book “Gay American History”, inspired Douglas to become a gay archivist.
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