Living

From Russia with love

Dance diva Sasha Gradiva on fame, gays and guns

Published

13 years ago

May 30, 2013

Sasha Grandiva, music, gay news, Washington Blade

Electronic dance diva Sasha Gradiva plays the Capital Pride Capitol Stage Sunday at about 6:50 p.m. (Photo courtesy Saadko Records)

The main stage at Capital Pride is always an eclectic setting for all kinds of talent — from local legends to up-and-comers to household names. Although not technically considered one of the headliners — that honor is being shared jointly by Icona Pop, Cher Lloyd and Emeli Sande — Russian-born diva Sasha Gradiva, slated to go on at 6:51 p.m., has one of the envious culminating slots (for a full list of scheduled performance times, visit capitalpride.org).

Gradiva is starting to make a name for herself in the world of electronic dance music with songs like “I’m on Fire,” “Wanted” (No. 3 on Billboard’s Hot Dance Singles chart) and “Say My Name with Love, working often with producer Tricky Stewart (Rihanna’s “Umbrella” and Beyonce’s “Single Ladies”).

Sasha Gradiva, “I’m on Fire”

In near-perfect English yet with a noticeable Russian accent, Gradiva, 28, took a half hour with us by phone on Memorial Day from her home in Los Angeles in which she discussed everything from her career, her reasons for leaving a successful music career in her homeland and why she got kicked out of the Grammys for attaching rifles to her dress last year. Her comments have been slightly edited for length.

Washington Blade: How are you spending the holiday?

Sasha Gradiva: I’m with some friends here in L.A. trying to figure out how we’re going to spend the day.

Blade: You live in L.A., right?

Gradiva: Yes, but I travel madly so I don’t get to spend much time here.

Blade: On average, how much are you home vs. on the road?

Gradiva: I’m probably gone about 70 percent of the time. I’ll be out for three weeks, then back a week, then maybe out another four.

Blade: What are you doing musically these days?

Gradiva: I am working most often on new music. Writing and recording and getting a new show together, which I’m very involved in personally. Every single stage of the show. I pay a lot of attention to costume and sets and the videos that play on the screen behind me. My shows are very important and I’m making sure everything is exactly the way I want it.

Blade: Do you record mostly in L.A. or elsewhere?

Gradiva: Mostly in L.A. My single “Come With Us” is coming out very, very soon. We’re literally putting the finishing touches on the campaign right now and working on the final mix. It’s a very detailed process. I was performing a remixed version of it on my tour last year and got really amazing responses. People really love the track.

Blade: Will this be on an album, an EP or just a single release?

Gradiva: It’s part of an EP, which we’re hoping to release closer to August. I have maybe like 20 songs ready to record and that’s what I’m focusing on while I’m here in L.A. There are a lot of producers in Tricky’s camp I’m very lucky to get introduced to so we’re trying to find something new. I’m working really hard to create something new that hasn’t been done before.

Blade: So often in electronic dance music, the producers get much of the credit while some pop stars — not all certainly — are seen as the outlet but not really the visionary, more so than in other genres perhaps. Does that dynamic bother you?

Gradiva: No, because I’m very involved. My songs are really born out of guitar or I’ll go to the studio and produce something basic on guitar myself or play my songs on the piano. I’m very involved, though. I pay attention to every lyric. I want something deep, meaningful and universal. I love the process — creating and perfecting.

Sasha Gradiva says she left a successful music career in Russia because she’d never have worldwide impact unless she broadened her fan base into English-speaking countries. (Photo courtesy Saadko Records)

Blade: Creating an image as a dance artist is so essential but is there ever a clash between being perhaps aloof or mysterious for a photo shoot or in a video or even on stage, but then in interviews or with social media presenting yourself to fans as a real person who eats, sleeps, shops, etc. like everyone else? Does one diminish the other?

Gradiva: I don’t find it hard at all to be down to earth or to talk to fans. I totally say no because I think perception of art and show business has changed tremendously since maybe like 10 years ago and I literally feel that there’s (in embracing) all the new things with social media and the internet, it broadens your reach in a lot of ways but at the same time, there’s some anxiety because there’s no curtain anymore. Even when you have nothing left to give. People can see through it all now and they’ll know exactly who you are. They see your Tweets and your pictures and this wall is dissolved. It’s good but it’s challenging at the same time. The solution for this is just to relax and be available and be yourself and this will be the best protection from anxiety that you could have. We’ve chosen this path to be in front of many people and we commit to sharing our life and vision with them. It’s an important gift, not a curse.

Blade: But did the old system allow celebrities to have more mystique?

Gradiva: The entire machine was working differently back then. Now that’s just impossible. If you’re going to be behind the curtain, you’re going to stay behind the curtain. You need to be accessible and available and share everything with fans. That’s why you’ll be a successful artist, not because you hide something. It might be more difficult for the artists to deal with, but it’s more honest. If an artist is dumb, fans will know right away. Of if you’re not genuine, they’ll pick up on that. It’s a little bit brutal but it’s honest and I prefer honesty.

Blade: You got a lot of press buzz for the guns you wore to the Grammys last year. When the dust settled, do you feel the message you wanted to convey came across or was there some sense you’d become simply “the girl in the gun dress.”

Gradiva: I definitely got a lot of attention, which I didn’t expect from the peace movement and the anti-violence movement. I meant it as a political statement if you will for people to pay attention to how much energy and money and sources the world spends on useless things. The most horrible things in the world are wars and producing weapons and drugs and when you think about how many things people could use this money for that would be so much better, people aren’t even curious to hear the research that’s been done on this which is very much available by the way. Our society just seems not to be there spiritually yet to address that. That was my attempt and we got good results. I want to do more socially to make the world a better place because I think that’s exactly what we’re supposed to do, not just sing and have fun.

Blade: Are you straight?

Gradiva: At the present time, yes.

Blade: How did you end up playing Pride events? Is it just a logical fit considering the kind of music you make or do you have some personal investment in the community?

Gradiva: I feel very connected to my gay audience. I guess it’s a destiny. The gay audience has been the first ones to support my music. And it saddens me that in my native country, in Russia, they don’t allow gay Pride. I will be fighting as much as I can for gay rights. It’s definitely something that touches me a lot.

Blade: You had released a few albums in Russia and seemed to be on your way with a music career there. Why did you uproot and move to the U.S.?

Gradiva: All the music that inspired me growing up was from America and Europe — people like Michael Jackson, Cyndi Lauper, Depeche Mode — and I always wanted bigger stages, to travel the world. I’d had two albums that were very successful but at some point while I was still young I just thought, “Well, I want to move and do this — it will either be in this lifetime or in the next, so I decided to do it in this lifetime.” My friends and colleagues thought I was completely out of my mind because it was not logical at all, but this is what I’ve done and the reaction in America so far has been so rewarding. It actually makes me cry, it’s really touching.

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At my stage of life — “somewhere between 40 and death,” as the iconic line goes in the musical “Mame” — I want some pampering. A lot of pampering.

Luckily, for anyone who constantly craves a soothing spa, steam room or sauna, there’s the completely updated Mercedes S-Class. This flagship sedan is now so full of glitz, glamour, and gee-whiz gadgetry, it gives new meaning to the term “auto erotica.”

Does this make the S-Class a “gay” ride? For me, any vehicle that pushes my buttons like this one is a Kinsey 6.

MERCEDES S-CLASS

$122,000 (est.)

MPG: 21 city/31 highway

0 to 60 mph: 4.3 seconds

Trunk space: 19 cu. ft.

PROS: Exceptional comfort. Ultra-quiet cabin. Cutting-edge safety.

CONS: Price climbs fast. Tech learning curve. Sportier competitors.

The S-Class continues to define what luxury really means, with a bolder silhouette, larger grille, and striking, next-gen LED headlights. There’s also an optional illuminated Mercedes star on the hood. Overall, nearly 2,700 parts are new or improved, so more than 50 percent of this vehicle has been updated. An extreme makeover, to be sure.

At the same time, this latest S-Class leans harder into intelligence and electrification than ever before. Under the hood, a range of turbocharged inline-six and V8 engines — paired with mild-hybrid systems — deliver power in a way that seems almost edited for smoothness. Braking is solid and strong, too, but never abrupt. All the engineering is fine-tuned and intentional.

Yes, the top-of-the line S580 version is more expensive, almost $140,000. But it’s also blisteringly fast, zipping from 0 to 60 mph in just 3.9 seconds. That’s as lickety-split swift as a Lamborghini Revuelto supercar, which has a starting MSRP of $610,000 and can easily exceed — yowza! — $800,000.

Colors? There are 150 to choose from for the exterior and 400 for the interior. You can even customize the illuminated door sills, interior stitching and wheel accents.

And the ride quality? Sublime. Adaptive air suspension reads the road constantly, leveling out imperfections before they even register. Rear-axle steering enhances maneuverability, making this full-sized sedan feel surprisingly nimble in tight spaces. On the highway, the S-Class simply glides like a private yacht on the calmest of seas — extremely quiet, composed and completely unbothered.

Whenever you slide inside, the cabin immediately sets the tone. A massive OLED digital display — the same high-def technology used for cinematic viewing and gaming monitors — anchors the dashboard, running the latest MBUX infotainment interface. Highly customizable, this software allows for advanced voice commands that feel natural, not forced. And an augmented-reality navigation system takes your route and overlays it onto live camera feeds. It’s intuitive — mostly, as there is a learning curve for all this cutting-edge gear. Overall, though, such amenities make older setups feel like dial-up internet.

A Burmester surround-sound stereo is available in 3D or 4D, with up to 31 speakers, 1,690 watts and tactile transducers in the seats that vibrate and pulse with the music. Those seats are, of course, extremely comfortable. And the seatbelts? These are now heated.

Let’s not forget the latest cabin air-filtration system, which can remove ultra-fine particles to deliver air quality that rivals medical environments. Clean air, yes, but even this seems like a special treat. It’s like being swaddled in couture, not ready-to-wear.

And lastly, there’s the rear-seat area, which — to be honest — is where the S-Class really shines. Executive packages offer multi-contour reclining seats with rapid heating and ventilating, heated armrests and massage functions. You can opt for a footrest, which ups the glam factor to give you a calf massage. Dual 13.1-inch display screens come with their own remote controls. There’s also a video-conferencing feature, to help transform the rear cabin into a fully connected mobile office. For me, it feels less “back seat” and more “private lounge.”

Even in fiction, high-tech luxury carries weight. Tony Stark helped cement the idea that state-of-the art vehicles can be aspirational, not just practical. The magical S-Class fits right into that narrative — minus the flying suit (for now).

Advice

I’m a 64-year-old single gay man and I hate my life

How can I turn things around before it’s too late?

Published

2 weeks ago

May 22, 2026

Michael Radkowsky

I’m officially old, maybe even nearing the finish line and I’m getting bitter.

Dear Michael,

I’m a 64-year-old single gay man and I hate my life.

I’ve never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months. I can’t say why. I don’t think I’m defective. I wasn’t unattractive when I was younger (still not bad looking), I think I’m an interesting person to spend time with, but everything always seemed to fizzle out.

Thankfully, I missed AIDS because I came out after people knew what to do. Sometimes I wonder if fear of contracting the virus metastasized into a fear of getting close. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve consciously kept people away. Consciously I have wanted someone to share my life with, very much.

With my 65th birthday and official senior citizen status approaching, I’ve been taking stock of my life and am coming to the hard realization that I’m never going to find that elusive partner.

I don’t go out anymore because people look right through me, except the ones who have a fetish for older guys. No one’s actually interested in me as me, a unique person rather than what they see on the surface.

I’m tired of my coupled friends. They’re always talking about “we.” Yes, I have become resentful that they have what I want and will never get. I know that’s not admirable but it’s how I feel, secretly, and I am sick of feeling like this when I am around them. So why be around them?

And I’m tired of my friends who are focused on sex all the time. It just all feels like a waste of time. I don’t get anything from a hookup anymore, they’ve been feeling increasingly meaningless. I feel like I’m someone’s momentary opportunity to get off, rather than any kind of real connection.

I’m just sick of the whole chase I’ve been doing for the last 40+ years.

I’m realizing that the whole thing has been pointless, a quest for a partner who is never going to materialize and a lot of diversions along the way that have added up to a despairing feeling that I’ve wasted my life trying to get something that will never happen.

Gay life hasn’t been so gay for me. And I’m officially old, maybe even nearing the finish line. Yes, if you haven’t noticed, I’m getting bitter.

What do I do with this dead end?

Michael replies:

How about looking for a different road to go down?

I’m not going to challenge your belief that you aren’t going to find a partner. I think it’s possible that you could, because there are other guys out there, in your age range, who are looking. But you have no guarantee, especially if you have decided to take it off the table.

So what else can you do with your life? How can you make your remaining time on this earth well-lived?

From your letter, it’s clear what you don’t want to do: Look for a boyfriend, hook up, or spend time with your current friends. Surely there must be more possibilities for your life than those options.

So my advice is to figure out some things you care about and start doing them. Travel? Volunteering? Getting a companion animal? Taking classes? Finding a new career? Those are just a few of the ideas I can come up with, but I don’t know you. What ideas can you generate, that you suspect you’d like to pursue?

In other words, start putting one foot in front of the other and go in some new directions that intrigue you enough to explore.

Sitting around feeling miserable does not help you to get anywhere. It keeps you feeling miserable. Sitting around waiting to feel better does not lead you to feel better. What would help you get to a better place would be to start taking action on your own behalf. Always keep in mind that while you are alive, with your faculties intact, you do have the choice to take this step, over and over and over again.

If you give yourself something (or some things) worthwhile to put your focus on, and do your best to shift your focus there whenever you notice that you are lamenting, I’m hopeful you will create a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

I’m also hopeful that if you are spending time doing things that you actually enjoy and that enrich your life, you may find more satisfying companionship than you are experiencing with your current friend group. (And yes, this could include a romantic relationship if you decide to be open to this possibility.)

A brief reply in an advice column can point you in the right direction, but it is likely not enough to sustain and motivate you through a major life overhaul.

Therefore, I suggest that you find a therapist to help you figure out how to move forward and what to move toward; and also to grieve, and put to rest as best you can, the loss of the life you hoped you would have.

I know that transcending the loss of a huge lifelong dream may seem impossible. But working toward this, as best you are able, would help you.

Relatedly, one more thing that I hope you can address with a therapist is your bitterness. I do understand why you feel so bitter, and I also think that it is torquing your life in a downhill direction.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, and New York. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].