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What is marriage, anyway?

It’s a business and contractual relationship

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marriage equality, gay marriage, same-sex marriage, Maryland, Tilghman Island, Michelle Miller, Nora Clouse, gay news, Washington Blade
wedding, marriage, gay marriage, same-sex marriage, marriage equality, gay news, Washington Blade, spousal benefits

(Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

By MICHELE ZAVOS & CODY PERKINS

Marriage is generally understood in our society as an emotional and social institution, signifying and celebrating the love and devotion between two people and demonstrating a commitment to that relationship above all others. But marriage is also a business and contractual relationship that is given great deference by the laws of our country, on both the federal, state, and local levels. Once a couple is married, spouses are no longer individuals, but part of a marital unit. On the federal level, there are more than 1,000 rights and responsibilities associated with marriage. On the state and local level, there are usually more than 400 such rights and responsibilities.

The “marital unit” is treated differently in the law than the two spouses were as individuals.  For example, any income coming into the “marital unit” post-marriage, belongs presumptively equally to both spouses, no matter who earned the income. So, if one spouse saves money in retirement, the other spouse is entitled to one-half of that amount if the couple divorces. States and the District of Columbia may treat marriage somewhat differently if the couple divorces.  Accordingly, spouses would be wise to execute a pre-nuptial agreement prior to their marriage, in order to define the couple’s agreements as to how their property would be divided in the event of divorce.

Other impacts of the marriage contract range from taxes to immigration to estate planning to children, and more. As same-sex couples take advantage of new opportunities to marry in the United States, these consequences can be welcome but confusing reminders of just how much marriage matters in American society.

Most of the federal government now recognizes marriages between same-sex couples as long as the marriage was valid where it occurred, known as the “place of celebration” rule.  Locally, Maryland, the District of Columbia and Delaware have marriage equality, while Virginia and West Virginia do not. The federal government applies the “place of residence” rule in some instances, so couples living in non- marriage equality states (non-recognition states) do not have valid marriages under that rule. However, Attorney General Eric Holder has said that the federal government will make every effort to treat all validly married same-sex couples as married for federal government purposes.

Application of tax rates are one of the biggest impacts of marriage. Married couples must file either as married filing jointly, or married filing individually. As a general rule, if couples have a significant income disparity, marriage will reduce their taxes, but if the couple is relatively equal in income, marriage will increase those taxes. Married couples have no choice – they MUST file their taxes as married. Couples that are registered as Domestic Partners in the District of Columbia must also file their D.C. taxes as “married.” Married couples are also eligible for estate tax exemptions, now both on the federal level and in their state of residence if the state has marriage equality, like Edie Windsor. Married couples in Maryland are also exempt from Maryland’s inheritance tax. Also, after Windsor, a couple may be able to amend its federal tax returns to claim certain exemptions and to reduce income that had previously been taxed when the federal government did not recognize their marriage.

For same-sex couples wishing to have children, marriage creates a legal presumption of parentage, meaning that any child born or conceived to one spouse during the marriage is presumed to be the legal child of the other spouse. This can be extremely important to ensure that a non-birth parent continues to have a legal right to custody and decision-making power over the child, even in the event of divorce, or the birth parent’s death or incapacity. However, since not all states have marriage equality, we recommend that even married couples obtain a second-parent adoption or pre- or post-birth order so that their parental rights are recognized in all states.

Employee benefits, immigration, Social Security, the military, taxes, retirement rollovers, criminal matters, and of course, even more areas are impacted by marriage. The law continues to evolve, and there are about 45 lawsuits throughout the country, including two in Virginia, attempting to establish marriage equality in those states that still do not recognize our marriages.  So, even if couples are married in one state, if they move to a non-recognition state, or perhaps are even traveling through such a state, their marriages will not be considered valid if a marriage issue arises in that state.

Marriage does not hold all the answers. As with everything, there may be downsides to getting married, and individual couples must decide for themselves whether the rewards outweigh the risks. For example, if one member of a couple is receiving alimony, that alimony generally will end at remarriage. Or if one member of the couple receives income-based government benefits, marriage may then disqualify that spouse from receiving those benefits.  Couples should consult with an attorney before they marry to discuss the legal risks and rewards of marriage. But, of course, there is more to marriage than all of these rights and responsibilities.  And sometimes, for some couples, marriage does come down to love and commitment, and the legal aspects are just secondary.

Michele Zavos is partner, Zavos Juncker Law Group, PLLC. Cody Perkins is a law clerk at the firm. The Zavos Juncker Law Group practices in all three local jurisdictions.

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Real Estate

How federal layoffs, shutdown threaten D.C.-area landlords

When paychecks disappear, the shock doesn’t stop at the Beltway

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The government shutdown continues. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

When federal paychecks disappear, the shock doesn’t stop at the Beltway. It lands on the doorsteps of the region’s property owners, those who rent out their rowhouses in Petworth, condos in Crystal City, and homes stretching into Montgomery and Prince George’s counties. Landlords depend on steady rent from tenants employed by the very institutions that are now downsized or worse, shuttered.

This fall, Washington’s economic identity is being tested once again. Thousands of federal workers who accepted “deferred resignation” packages will soon lose their income altogether. And with a long government shutdown looming, even those still on the payroll face delayed paychecks. For landlords, that combination of uncertainty and sudden income loss threatens to unsettle a rental market already balancing on the edge.

A Test of Resilience

Rosie Allen-Herring, president of United Way of the National Capital Area, recently told The Washington Post, “This region stands to take a hard hit from those who are no longer employed but can’t find new employment and now find themselves in need. It’s a full-circle moment to be a donor and now find yourself in need, but it is very real for this area.” 1 That reversal captures the broader moment: The D.C. economy built on federal paychecks and charitable giving now faces a stress test of compassion and cash flow alike.  

For landlords, adaptability will determine who weathers the storm. Those who are able to keep the rent coming in, retain their tenants or find replacement tenants without the same economic hardships are going to be able to get to the other side with manageable financial disruptions. Those who plan, communicate, and stay financially flexible will keep their properties occupied and their reputations intact.

A Region Built on Federal Pay

Roughly one in ten jobs in the Washington metropolitan area is tied directly to the federal government, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. That number climbs sharply when you include contractors, nonprofits, and think tanks dependent on federal funding. 

This concentration means that when the federal government sneezes, D.C.’s housing market catches a cold. The Brookings Institution recently reported that since January, the region’s unemployment rate has climbed eight times faster than the national average, and local job growth has flattened. 1  More anecdotal, I’ve spoken with property owners this year who are looking to rent out the property they own in DC because they have to move to another region for work.

As The Post observed, “The region has shed federal jobs at a higher rate, and both the number of homes for sale and the share of residents with low credit scores have grown more quickly here than the rest of the country.” 1

For landlords, that’s a flashing warning light. When a certain category of tenants with solid compensation lose reliable government salaries and face dim re-employment prospects, rent becomes harder to collect and rent levels can decline year on year.

The Human Side of a Policy Shock

The people behind these statistics are often long-tenured civil servants. The Post profiled former State Department employee Brian Naranjo, who said he had “unsuccessfully thrown his résumé at more than 50 positions since resigning in May.” “It’s terrible,” Naranjo told the paper. “You have far more people going for those very specialized jobs than would normally be out there.” 1

Another displaced worker, Jennifer Malenab, a 42-year-old former Department of Homeland Security employee, described canceling daycare and family vacations while she scours job boards. “This is not where you want to be at 42, with a family,” she said. 1

When households like these lose steady pay, not only do they pull back on spending, but if they are renters landlords may see a lag in rent receipts, requests for partial payments, or in some cases, a premature notice to vacate. Some tenants will relocate out of the region altogether — a prospect already visible in rising “for sale” listings and increased moving-truck activity in Northern Virginia and suburban Maryland.

What Happens When the Rent Doesn’t Arrive

When rent payments are disrupted, even temporarily, the financial effects can be immediate. Many small landlords depend on rent to cover their mortgages, property taxes, insurance premiums, and routine maintenance. Even a temporary interruption in income can deplete reserves, delay repairs, and strain their ability to meet loan obligations.

Larger multifamily owners are not immune. If multiple tenants in a building lose income at once, cash flow can fall sharply. During the brief 2019 government shutdown, some D.C. landlords offered short-term payment plans to furloughed workers with the expectation of eventual back pay. However, under current conditions, where many positions are being permanently eliminated and paychecks may not be restored, landlords face much greater uncertainty and cannot assume repayment will be guaranteed.

In the District of Columbia, the Rental Housing Commission has advised landlords to continue operating strictly within established legal procedures and to avoid informal or selective payment arrangements that could be interpreted as discriminatory under the D.C. Human Rights Act. Courts in Virginia and Maryland allow temporary continuances when tenants provide documentation of a federal furlough or income disruption, but it is the court, not the landlord, that determines eligibility for relief.

How Landlords Should Proceed  

  • Continue filing nonpayment cases through normal legal channels rather than delaying action.
  • Allow the courts to apply any continuance or relief provisions if a tenant qualifies due to federal employment status or income interruption.
  • Avoid making selective accommodations based on a tenant’s job type or federal employment status, as this may violate equal-treatment and source-of-income protections.

Landlords with a single tenant or a consistent written policy of offering payment plans to all tenants experiencing verified income disruption should not be at risk of discriminatory treatment. 

Vacancy, Concessions, and Shifting Demand

Beyond nonpayment of rent, landlords face a challenge from a different direction: weak demand. As fewer jobs are being created and unemployed or under-employed tenants move out of DC, the supply of available rental units will rise, forcing landlords to compete more aggressively on price and amenities.

Market data already point that direction. The volume of rental listings across the District of Columbia jumped roughly 14 percent year-over-year in September, according to the realtor Multiple Listing Service (MLS) trends, as reported by the Washington Business Journal. Landlords are offering free parking, one-month concessions, or flexible leases to retain quality tenants.

Neighborhoods once buffered by federal stability like Silver Spring, Falls Church, and Alexandria may now see higher tenant turnover. As one Arlington property manager put it, “We used to say federal employees were the safest tenants in America. Now we’re rewriting that rule.”

A Shrinking Workforce, a Softer Market

In addition to the layoffs, the region is contending with a broader identity crisis. “Yesim Sayin, executive director of the D.C. Policy Center, put it bluntly: ‘Beyond federal employment, we relied on tourism. But foreign tourists aren’t coming. And we relied a whole lot on universities bringing talent who would then stay here and be part of our talent pool. And that is kind of gone, too. So what are we now? We just don’t know.’” 1

This uncertainty may impact property values and investor sentiment. When employers relocate, renters follow. If enough mid-career professionals leave, demand for rentals will first soften and then we’ll begin to see a lowering of the average rents a landlord can command for their rental. We have already seen this in the current rental market. Rents that seems reasonable a few years ago, are now being discounted by hundreds of dollars. Landlords who are searching for new renters after several years of having tenants are finding that they need to bring rent levels below where they used to be to secure tenants commitments.

Strategies for Landlords: Staying Solvent and Supportive

In times like these, survival depends on both prudence and empathy.

1. Communicate early. Encourage tenants to disclose financial hardship before missing payments. Written payment plans, properly documented, can forestall eviction while preserving goodwill.

2. Review legal protections. Understand D.C., Maryland, and Virginia rules regarding furlough continuances or income-source discrimination. Seek legal counsel before altering lease terms mid-cycle.

3. Build reserves and credit access. Line up a home-equity or business line of credit to bridge shortfalls. Cash on hand always is helpful to have as a buffer for the impact of income disruption. 

4. Monitor policy developments.  State and local governments are supporting people who are affected by the lay-offs. Landlords can benefit indirectly through their renters who are utilizing these programs to assist them in paying their monthly expenses. 

5. Contact your Congressional representatives to demand the reopening of the federal government. And in D.C., you do benefit from representation, even though they cannot vote. They can influence decisions that matter. 


Scott Bloom is owner and senior property manager of Columbia Property Management.

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Real Estate

Real terrors of homeownership come from neglect, not ghosts

Mold, termites, frayed wires scarier than any poltergeist

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The real terrors of homeownership have nothing to do with ghosts.

Each October, we decorate our homes with cobwebs, skeletons, and flickering jack-o’-lanterns to create that spooky Halloween atmosphere. But for anyone who’s ever been through a home inspection there’s no need for fake scares. Homes can hide terrors that send chills down your spine any time of year. From ghostly noises in the attic to toxic monsters in the basement, here are some of the eeriest (but real) things inspectors and homeowners discover.

Every haunted house movie starts with a creepy basement, and in real life, it’s often just as menacing. Mold, mildew, and hidden water leaks lurk down there like invisible phantoms. At first, it’s just a musty smell — something you might brush off as “old house syndrome,” but soon enough, you realize those black or green patches creeping along the walls can be more sinister than any poltergeist.

Black mold (Stachybotrys chartarum) is particularly fearsome – it thrives in damp, dark places and can cause serious respiratory problems. It’s not just gross – it’s toxic and, while some types of mold can be easily cleaned up, removing black mold can cost more than an exorcism.

Have you ever heard strange buzzing or seen flickering lights that seem to move on their own? Before you call the Ghostbusters, call an electrician. Faulty wiring, outdated panels, and aluminum circuits from the mid-20th century are the true villains behind many mysterious house fires. Home inspectors can also find open junction boxes, frayed wires stuffed behind walls, or overloaded breaker panels that hum like a restless spirit. 

Imagine an invisible specter floating through your home – something that’s been there since the 1950s, waiting for you to disturb it. That’s asbestos. Home inspectors dread discovering asbestos insulation around old boilers or wrapped around ductwork. It’s often lurking in popcorn ceilings, floor tiles, and even wall plaster. You can’t see it, smell it, or feel it—but inhaling those microscopic fibers can lead to serious illness decades later.

Lead pipes, once thought to be durable and reliable, are like the vampires of your water system – quietly poisoning what sustains you. The results of a lead test can be chilling: even a small amount of lead exposure is dangerous, particularly for children. 

And it’s not just pipes – lead paint is another problem that refuses to die. You might find it sealed beneath layers of newer paint, biding its time until it chips or flakes away. This is why, when selling a property built prior to 1978, homeowners must disclose any knowledge of lead paint in the home and provide any records they may have of its presence or abatement.

Scratching in the walls. Tiny footsteps overhead. Droppings in the attic. It’s not a poltergeist – it’s pests. Termites, rats, bats, carpenter ants, and even raccoons can do more damage than any ghost ever could.

Termites are the silent assassins of the home world, chewing through beams and joists until the structure itself starts to sag. Rats and mice leave behind droppings that can spread disease and contaminate food. Bats are federally protected, meaning your haunted attic guests can’t just be evicted without proper precautions. And I once had a raccoon give birth in my chimney flue; my dogs went crazy.

Ever step into a home and feel the floors tilt under your feet? That’s no ghostly illusion – it’s the foundation shifting beneath you. Cracked walls, doors that won’t close, and windows that rattle in their frames are the architectural equivalent of a horror movie scream.

Foundation damage can come from settling soil, poor drainage, or tree roots rising from under the structure. In extreme cases, inspectors find entire crawl spaces flooded, joists eaten by rot, or support beams cracked like brittle bones. Repair costs can be monstrous – and if left unchecked, the whole house could become a haunted ruin.

Some homes hold more than just physical scares. Behind the drywall or under the floorboards, inspectors may uncover personal relics – old letters, photographs, even hidden safes or forgotten rooms. Occasionally, however, there are stranger finds: jars of preserved “specimens,” taxidermy gone wrong, or mysterious symbols scrawled in attic spaces.

These discoveries tell stories of the people who lived there before, sometimes fascinating, sometimes chilling, but they all add to the eerie charm of an old home, reminding us that every house has a history — and some histories don’t like to stay buried.

So, while haunted houses may be a Halloween fantasy, the real terrors in homeownership come from neglect, not ghosts. Regular inspections, good maintenance, and modern updates are the garlic and holy water that turn a trick of a home into a treat.


Valerie M. Blake is a licensed associate broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her via DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.

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Advice

Sexual desire is waning, should we open our relationship?

Couple faces difficult choices after seven years

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Waning sexual interest is a problem that affects most longterm couples. (Photo by Wavebreak Media/Bigstock)

Dear Michael, 

When I met my husband seven years ago, I was super attracted to him and we had a really hot sex life.

That feeling has been waning for a while and now I am just not feeling it. 

I know that people get older, gain weight, get less attractive over time but that’s not the case here. Ben is as good looking as ever. But I have little desire to have sex with him.

It bothers me that I don’t really want to have sex with the guy I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. 

Is this why everyone else I know has an open relationship? Is there something I can do to want to have sex with my husband again?

This is causing major problems in my marriage. I don’t initiate anymore and half the time I find an excuse to not have sex when Ben initiates. He knows something is up but I usually blame it on work stress or not feeling well. I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

Aside from this, I love Ben and we have a lot of fun together. We’re very close, talk about all sorts of stuff, but not this.

Michael replies:

Pretty much everyone in a long-term relationship has to deal with decreased desire at some point.

Sex changes after you’ve been with your partner for a while. Sex is not going to be as easy, hot, and irresistible as it was at the beginning of the relationship. Newness generates a lot of the sexual heat at the outset of a relationship, and when the newness is gone, you don’t easily feel the same sizzling excitement that you felt when you first met.

Unfortunately, the kind of sex that people have at the beginning of a relationship is totally glorified in our culture as the gold standard of sex.  

I say “unfortunately” because it’s not possible to consistently have the hot sex of a new relationship, ongoing, with a long-term partner. So if you think that is the best or only kind of sex to have, you will be contemptuous of anything else, and you will be disappointed in your sex life with your partner as time marches on.

But the sizzling sex people have at the start of a relationship is just one way to have sex. If you are willing to be imaginative, and are open to change, there are many other kinds of sex that can be wonderful. 

How about sex for emotional connection? Sex for physical closeness?  Sex for romance? Sex to celebrate just being together?

So, consider changing (not lowering!) your expectations. Rather than sulking or moping that you don’t want to spontaneously jump Ben’s bones, be open to having sex with your husband that is based more on your relationship and on your love for each other.

Now, here’s a whole other angle to consider: While the excitement of a new partner often fades, there are still ways to generate excitement and passion in a long-term relationship by taking risks and revealing yourself more deeply.  Stick with me and I’ll explain.

  • You haven’t said anything to Ben about your waning interest. I encourage you to re-think this. You would be much better positioned to tackle this issue collaboratively. Not talking about how stuck you feel is likely to deepen your feeling of shame and fear that something is wrong. Speaking with Ben about what is actually a fairly common couples’ issue could be a relief.
  • Ironic as this may seem, the closer two people are, the less comfortable they may be being frankly sexual with each other. Clients often tell me that they are more comfortable expressing their real desires to someone they hardly know (or don’t know at all) than to their significant other. For one thing, the more your partner means to you, the more you may fear rejection if you reveal sexual feelings and desires that might upset or even shock your partner. For another, as couples get closer, sex may start to feel like too much closeness, and avoiding sex may be a way to create some space. 

Not speaking up about what is important keeps you distant from your partner and drains your relationship of vitality. A powerful antidote to this: work toward becoming a person who can take risks, tolerate discomfort and uncertainty, and be able stand on your own when you don’t get your partner’s validation. 

Talking with Ben, whether it’s about your lack of spontaneous desire for sex, or about sexual interests you may be keeping from him for fear of judgment, would involve your making uncomfortable moves that might lead to Ben’s judgment or even rejection. But doing so would also, of course, allow the possibility of more happening between you sexually. It would also let Ben know you better, thereby deepening the level of intimacy in your relationship. Making these moves could also be inherently exciting, which —guess what—could help to shake you out of your sexual doldrums and bring more passion and life into your relationship. 

Similarly, you might start initiating. Even if you’re afraid it won’t go well and even if you’re not feeling it. That is the only way you are going to figure out how to have satisfying long-term sex. Take the need for an erection or orgasm off the table. Sex with your partner should not be a performance. Go for closeness, connection, and what feels good. And challenge yourself to go places that you are uncomfortable about going. 

If any of this intrigues you, “Passionate Marriage” and “Intimacy and Desire,” both by David Schnarch, explore how your sexual connection can deepen over time in a long-term relationship.

Finally, with regard to your considering an open relationship as a remedy: Do you think that would enhance the sexual connection between you and Ben?

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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