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The importance of co-parenting agreements

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co-parenting, gay news, Washington Blade
co-parenting, gay news, Washington Blade

The importance of developing a parenting plan and memorializing it in a legally enforceable document before conflict arises between you and your co-parent cannot be overstated.

By MEAGHAN E. HEARN

I recently met with a married couple that separated about a year ago and are preparing to finalize their separation with filing for divorce here in the District. They worked together throughout their yearlong separation to help their children – ages 8 and 5 – adjust to what they call their “new normal.”  The couple’s relationship is amicable and they make a concerted effort to reach joint decisions on parenting issues by considering what is in the best interest of their children. They are fully aware, though, that as their children get older and life moves forward there will be times when tensions mount between them and their relationship to each other as parents will become strained. Their goal now is to do whatever they can to minimize the possibility of court involvement in any future parental disputes.

Many non-married parents – straight and gay – are turning to co-parenting agreements to achieve this goal.  A co-parenting agreement is an agreement between parents that can set forth anything from the moral values the parents wish to instill in their child to agreed upon forms of discipline the parents will or will not use with their child. An effective agreement is drafted in a way that sets forth guidelines for parents to follow that will assist in avoiding and resolving conflicts as parents encounter the inevitable changes life brings. A well thought out and drafted agreement should always provide parents with methods to resolve conflicts without court intervention.

Co-parenting agreements may be entered when your child is born or after you and your co-parent have separated or divorced.  It goes without saying, however, that having these important discussions and drafting an agreement before conflict arises in your relationship with your child’s other parent is often easier than finding that common ground when parents are already at odds with each other.

The beauty of co-parenting agreements is that they can include whatever parents believe is important in raising their child. Agreements typically include clauses detailing which parent will make important decisions regarding their child’s health, education, and welfare, the financial obligations of each parent to the child, and physical custody or visitation schedules that the parents will follow during the school year and summer months. A co-parenting agreement can even include provisions on religious up-bringing, extracurricular activities, geographical restrictions related to a parent’s residence, parameters on where a parent may or may not travel with the child, or even when a parent can introduce their child to a new significant other.

Part of what makes co-parenting agreements so appealing is that they are adaptable to change. An effective co-parenting agreement will set forth factors that parents should consider when making decisions related to their child, as well as the specific process the parents will follow when conflict arises between them.  These agreements can also include clauses requiring parents to participate in mediation or arbitration when they are unable to reach an agreement as to what is in the best interest of their child. Some co-parenting agreements even give final decision making authority to a third party such as a social worker, therapist or similar healthcare provider, when parents are simply unable to reach a decision themselves.

In same-sex relationships, these agreements can be of paramount importance and can often be critical in establishing a non-biological parent’s relationship to his or her child.  If one or both parents reside in a state that does not recognize same-sex marriage or does not permit same-sex second parent adoptions, these agreements can provide a layer of protection to the non-biological parent by explicitly setting forth the parent’s rights and obligations to his or her non-biological child.  Although a co-parenting agreement is not legally binding in these states, the current nation-wide judicial shift in recognizing the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered persons indicates that judges would now be more willing to consider these agreements as evidence of not only the non-biological parent’s relationship to the child, but also the parents’ shared goals in raising their child.

The importance of developing a parenting plan and memorializing it in a legally enforceable document before conflict arises between you and your co-parent cannot be overstated.  It will not only allow you and your co-parent to develop a greater understanding of your respective roles and duties as they relate to your child, but it will help your family – as a whole – navigate your “new normal.”

Meaghan E. Hearn is an attorney at Ackerman Brown, PLLC. Reach her at [email protected].

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Autos

Green machines on the scene

It’s a good time to buy an electric vehicle

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Ford Mustang Mach-E Premium

Looking to roll into something new? With all the buzz about 25% tariffs, it’s the perfect time to grab a new ride before prices soar—especially for electric vehicles, which may soon wave goodbye to those oh-so-attractive federal tax credits. Whether you are an eco-conscious commuter or just need a chariot for weekend getaways, these three green machines offer some serious swagger.

FORD MUSTANG MACH-E PREMIUM

$42,000

Range: 250-300 miles (depending on battery pack)

0 to 60 mph: 5.2  seconds

Cargo space: 29.7 cu. ft. 

PROS: Zippy. Sporty feel. Ample battery range.

CONS: Bit bumpy over potholes. Limited seat adjustments.

IN A NUTSHELL: With sleek curves and a design that’s hotter than a drag queen’s heels on the runway, the Ford Mustang Mach-E blends both power and flair. The exterior colors are vibrant and unapologetically bold, just like the rainbow after a storm. Three trim levels, but opt for the spiffy Premium version—which was what I drove and is a nice step up from the $37,000 base model. It also costs a lot less than the gutsy GT, which tops $55,000. 

Inside, the Mach-E is like driving a chic lounge on wheels. Toggling through the 15.5-inch touchscreen feels like navigating through the latest TikTok trends. A panoramic glass roof and faux-leather upholstery come standard, but assorted add-ons—standard features with the Premium trim—include hands-free power liftgate, multicolor ambient lighting and 10-speaker Bang & Olufsen stereo. There’s also plenty of space for all the essentials: totes, coats and besties.

And let’s not forget about battery range—there’s enough juice here to take you through a whole day of driving without needing a recharge. With Ford’s fast-charging network, it’s easy to be powered up quicker than you can say, “Ride ‘em, cowboy!” Well, almost.

How popular is this EV, which looks more like a hot hatchback than an SUV? Last year, sales spiked 27% and outsold the iconic gas-powered Mustang. So yes, the Mach-E Premium isn’t just any vehicle—it’s an experience that’s, well, electric.

KIA SPORTAGE PHEV X-LINE PRESTIGE 

$44,000

MPGe: 84 city/highway combined

0 to 60 mph: 7.1 seconds

Cargo space: 39.6 cu. ft. 

PROS: Comfy. Comely cabin. Oodles of passenger room.

CONS: Clunky dual-use dashboard controls. Bit noisy interior. 

IN A NUTSHELL: Next up: the 2025 Kia Sportage PHEV X-Line Prestige, a compact plug-in hybrid that combines style, strength and versatility into one dazzling package. If the Mach-E Premium is a glam EV star, I found the Sportage PHEV to be an SUV showstopper.

Under the hood, power comes from an electric motor and gas-powered backup, so you get the best of both worlds—whether cruising on green energy or unleashing your inner diva. The all-electric range is almost 35 miles, and all-wheel drive is standard—which helps keep things steady, no matter the weather.

Inside, it’s pure comfort. While there are two hybrid trim levels, even the base-model—the X-Line—is fairly loaded: LED headlights/taillights, dual-zone automatic climate control, remote start, power liftgate, nav system, wireless charging pad, smartphone integration and more. 

For my weeklong test vehicle, I was spoiled with the X-Line Prestige, which is full of a ridiculous number of amenities and safety gear. Let’s just say the clever cabin design would make the folks at Ferrari blush. Oh, and thanks to the pristine acoustics from the Harmon Kardon audio, I could have sworn the cast of “Hamilton” was right there with me belting out each tune. “Blow Us All Away,” indeed. 

MERCEDES AMG C 63 S E 

$87,000

MPGe: 40 city/highway combined

0 to 60 mph: 3.3 seconds

Cargo space: 11.6 cu. ft. 

PROS: Snazzy. Lightning fast. Haute handling.

CONS: Pricey. Quirky steering-wheel controls. 

IN A NUTSHELL: Jonesing for an exciting, eco-friendly sedan? Then look no further than the Mercedes AMG C 63 S E plug-in hybrid, which gets the adrenaline pumping each time you slip behind the wheel. 

Under the hood, there’s a staggering 671 horsepower—enough to leave competitors in the dust and make them more than a little jealous. This AMG-tuned Mercedes—the quickest C-Class ever—blasts from 0 to 60 mph in just 3.3 seconds, faster than your heart rate when seeing your next crush at a circuit party. And that’s not even the best part—the shapely contours of this sportster are as chiseled as Luke Evans’ check bones.

Inside, the cockpit is like a designer outfit made for a fab night out—high-quality material everywhere, as well as branded sport seats with top-tier upholstery and stitching. One downside: the steering-wheel controls, which look tasteful but can be a tad too touch-sensitive at times.

Still, this elegant ride exudes more than enough bells and whistles to maintain a constant state of euphoria.

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Real Estate

Buying a home as an LGBTQ couple

What you need to know

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For LGBTQ couples, homeownership represents a statement of stability.

For LGBTQ couples, homeownership represents more than just a financial investment — it is a statement of stability, security, and equality. However, navigating the home-buying process can present unique legal and financial challenges. Whether you are buying your first home together or upgrading to your dream house, understanding your rights, responsibilities, and potential pitfalls is essential.

Here’s what LGBTQ couples need to know when purchasing a home in 2025.

Legal Considerations: How Should You Hold Title?

One of the most crucial decisions LGBTQ+ couples face when buying a home is how to hold title, as this impacts legal rights, inheritance, and financial obligations. Here are the three main options:

  • Joint Tenancy with Right of Survivorship – Both partners own the property equally, and if one passes away, the other automatically inherits full ownership.
  • Tenants in Common – Each partner owns a percentage of the property (e.g., 50/50 or 70/30). If one partner dies, their share goes to their estate, instead of automatically transferring to the surviving partner.
  • Sole Ownership – If only one person is on the title, they hold full legal ownership. This may be beneficial for credit or financing reasons, but it leaves the non-owner partner vulnerable.

LGBTQ+ couples should have a conversation with their gay real estate agent, and/or consult a real estate attorney to determine the best ownership structure based on their relationship and long-term goals.

Financing: Getting Approved for a Mortgage

While same-sex marriage is legally recognized in the U.S., LGBTQ+ couples still experience higher rates of mortgage denials than their heterosexual counterparts. Here’s how to strengthen your loan application:

  • Check Your Credit Scores – Both applicants should review their credit reports and address any discrepancies before applying.
  • Compare Lenders – Some mortgage lenders are more LGBTQ+-friendly than others. Ask for a referral from your LGBTQ+ real estate professional.
  • Consider a Joint or Individual Application – If one partner has significantly better credit or a higher income, it might be beneficial to apply individually for a more favorable interest rate.

Work with an LGBTQ+-friendly lender who understands your financial needs and ensures fair treatment.

Protecting Your Property and Rights

Even if you are legally married, it may be wise to put additional protections in place to avoid potential legal or financial disputes down the road:

  • Co-Ownership Agreement – If you are not married or want to clarify ownership percentages, a co-ownership agreement outlines each person’s rights and responsibilities.
  • Estate Planning – LGBTQ+ couples should have a will or trust to specify what happens to the property in the event of death. Even with joint tenancy, a will can clarify intentions and prevent family disputes.
  • Power of Attorney – In case of emergency, granting each other power of attorney ensures that one partner can make legal or financial decisions on behalf of the other.

Estate planning is not just for the wealthy – having legal documents in place protects your home and loved ones.

Finding an LGBTQ+-Friendly Real Estate Agent

Working with a real estate professional who understands the needs of LGBTQ+ homebuyers can make the process much smoother. Here’s how to find the right agent:

  • Look for Experience – Seek agents who specialize in working with LGBTQ+ clients and have knowledge of local housing protections.
  • Avoid Discrimination – While the Fair Housing Act prohibits discrimination based on sex (interpreted to include sexual orientation and gender identity), biases still exist. Choose an agent who prioritizes inclusivity and fairness.
  • Use LGBTQ+ Real Estate Networks – The best way to find a trusted LGBTQ+-friendly real estate agent is through GayRealEstate.com, the Nation’s Oldest and Largest Free Database of LGBTQ+ Real Estate Agents Worldwide. Since its founding, GayRealEstate.com has helped thousands of LGBTQ+ buyers and sellers connect with agents who are not only professional and experienced, but also 100% committed to equality and inclusivity.

Using an agent from GayRealEstate.com ensures that you are working with someone who values fairness, understands LGBTQ+ housing concerns, and is dedicated to finding you the perfect home in a welcoming community.

Choosing an LGBTQ+-Friendly Neighborhood

Finding a home is about more than just the property itself – it is about the community. Consider these factors when searching for the perfect neighborhood:

  • LGBTQ+ Inclusivity – Look for cities with nondiscrimination laws, pride events, and visible LGBTQ+ communities.
  • Safety – Research crime rates and local laws to ensure your new neighborhood is a safe and welcoming environment.
  • Community Support – Some cities have LGBTQ+ resource centers, social groups, and advocacy organizations that make settling in easier.

Tools like the Human Rights Campaign’s Municipal Equality Index rank cities based on LGBTQ+ inclusivity and protections.

Homeownership is an Empowering Step

Buying a home as an LGBTQ+ couple is a milestone worth celebrating. While challenges still exist, being informed and proactive can help you avoid pitfalls, protect your rights, and make smart financial decisions. By working with LGBTQ+-friendly professionals, understanding your legal options, and securing financial protections, you will set yourself up for long-term success and stability.

Whether you are buying your first home or upgrading to your forever house, the key is to be prepared, protected, and empowered throughout the process.


Jeff Hammerberg and Scott Helms are with GayRealEstate.com, the nation’s leading online platform connecting LGBTQ homebuyers and sellers with LGBTQ-friendly real estate agents, ensuring a safe and supportive experience. To find an agent or learn more, visit GayRealEstate.com or call 1-888-420-MOVE.

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Advice

I want to leave my perfect boyfriend

Good-looking, caring partner is smothering me

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I’ve gotten into what is now a serious relationship because of him, not me. (Photo by Diego Cervo/Bigstock)

Hi Michael,

I’m in a relationship I think I don’t want to be in.

Ed is very sweet and that’s part of the problem. He is always solicitous of me, caring, kind, agreeable. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, which I certainly would do if I dump him.

We’ve gotten into what is now a serious relationship because of him, not me.  He kept asking me out on one date after another, and I kept saying yes.  He proposed being exclusive, and I said yes.  

I was lonely, Ed’s cute and a nice guy, and it felt good to be cared about. 

Ed is great at planning a fun life. Dinners, vacations, socializing. My life is way more exciting than it used to be.  Ed takes the initiative on everything and he’s very good at it.

But I feel smothered, like I don’t have a say in how I live and what I do. We spend all our time together. And my friends are now “our” friends because he always joins me when I get together with them.

I can’t talk about this with him because I don’t think he can handle it. If he sees the least sign of me being upset, he says, “What’s wrong? Are you mad at me?” with this vulnerable tone in his voice. He’s told me he’s afraid of losing me when I’ve shown any unhappiness. 

I’m no longer attracted to him. I don’t know why, he’s as cute as ever.

Sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me. I have a good-looking, caring boyfriend. So many guys want this. I should be happy. But I’m not.

On the other hand, I’m afraid that if I break up with Ed I will be lonely all over again and maybe never find such a caring person.

Any guidance you have would be appreciated in how to think about this and sort it out.

Michael replies:

This relationship is giving you all sorts of opportunities to become a more solid person.

First point to consider: If you can’t set boundaries, you will spend your life twisting yourself into a pretzel to accommodate others. That’s what is happening now with Ed. 

When we are struggling to succeed at an important life skill, as you are here, it’s helpful to think how our personal history may be contributing to our being stuck.

Some possibilities for you to consider: What example did your parents model? Perhaps they had trouble setting boundaries in their relationships, so you didn’t learn how to do so. Or perhaps when you were growing up, you didn’t have much say about what you could or couldn’t do, so you didn’t learn you could speak up about what is important to you. 

I’m painting with a broad brush here, just to inspire your own thinking. While our lives aren’t rigidly determined by our pasts, the ways that we learned to relate as we grew up do have a powerful influence on how we live in the present. Having some sense of what has shaped our operating system can help us loosen up and try new ways of behaving.

Second (and related) point: You cannot go through life without ever disappointing anyone or you will (as noted above) start to resemble a pretzel. Yes, you’ll likely upset Ed when you tell him that you’re unhappy in the relationship. But if Ed is going to address his clingy and needy behavior, he needs to hear this.  

At their best, relationships challenge us to grow. This relationship is pushing you to tolerate disappointing someone you care about, in the service of saying what you need to say. And guess what? Your letting Ed know where you stand will challenge him to work on his own relational wobbliness. Very cool.

Third point: Why are you not stepping forward with your own ideas about what you want to do and how you want to live? You are letting Ed do all the work. What is up with that?

One obvious explanation: Your difficulty setting a boundary is stopping you from asserting what you want. In other words, your inability to say “no” is leading you to feel stifled in this relationship. Good news: you have the power to change this.

Another possibility: Maybe you don’t actually have much in the way of interests or ideas for what you would like to do, and Ed is merely filling the void so that the two of you have some kind of life together.

If so, I encourage you to start thinking about what is meaningful to you. Developing a self—figuring out what is important to you, what you care about—is one of the great tasks and great joys of being alive. If you just keep doing what others around you want—boyfriends, friends, family—you may keep feeling resentful and will squander your life.

I don’t know if you would actually enjoy being with Ed if you do the work to become a solid person who speaks up about what is important and brings his own agenda to the relationship. While it’s your decision to do so or not, I urge you not to decide based on fear of stepping outside your comfort zone. 

And please consider that this work would help you in any future relationship, if you end things with Ed.

One more point: It’s no surprise that you’ve lost interest in having sex with Ed. Being enmeshed with someone as tightly as you describe your fusion with Ed is a desire-killer.  Perhaps this would change if you give yourself some room to breathe.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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