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Leisure World’s LGBT residents enjoy openness, camaraderie

Local retirees find support, acceptance in new affinity group

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Leisure World, gay news, Washington Blade
Leisure World, gay news, Washington Blade

From left, Mitch Harvey, Pat Ritter and Mary Twigger at Leisure World where they’ve found LGBT camaraderie. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

When Mitch Harvey came to Leisure World (3701 Rossmoor Blvd., Silver Spring, Md.) to take care of his ill mother, he had no idea what he was going to do with himself. Harvey felt like he wouldn’t fit in.

“I thought this is not for me,” Harvey says. “I’m too young, I’m gay. Who am I going to be friends with? I looked around and didn’t see anybody. I felt very much out of place.”

Harvey was less alone than he realized.

Pam Galef and Pat Ritter, longtime friends from Long Island, N.Y., decided to move to Leisure World to join Galef’s parents who lived there. Impressed by Leisure World’s amenities, sports and clubs, they thought it would be a good fit for them.

“As we’re walking through the community our gaydar is going off,” Ritter says. “I had a headache almost every day. I know that the people knew that I knew. They would look me in the eyes and there was recognition there and they would look away.”

After seeing how many gay people were living at Leisure World, Galef and Ritter got together with their friend Mary Twigger and decided to start an LGBT group last November. They put an ad in the Leisure World newspaper inviting people to come meet one another over coffee and cake. The plan was to meet at Twigger’s home. The interest in the meeting was far greater than the three expected and instead of meeting at Twigger’s home, they moved the meeting to the main clubhouse building. The group continued to meet there a few times before becoming an organized club.

Harvey was one of the residents who responded to the ad. He joined the group and became the secretary, Galef became president, Twigger vice president and Ritter became treasurer.

Leisure World, gay news, Washington Blade

Mitch Harvey created a website for out residents at Leisure World. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Leisure World’s LGBT group has since become a safe haven for senior LGBT members. The group hosts outings, including dinners, picnics, cruises and museum tours. They attend the theater together and have plans to participate in Hillwood Estate’s Rainbow Picnic.

Yet Leisure World’s residents’ diverse age range can sometimes make it tricky to plan events. Residents at Leisure World, a 55-and-over community, can be as young as mid-50s and go up through the 100s. Some residents are still working while others have been retired for many years. Harvey says that with this huge age range, it isn’t always easy to make an event that everyone can attend. He says residents in their 50s can feel overlooked in a community like Leisure World.

“If I say I want to set up a bowling trip, this group looks at me and says, ‘You think we can pick up bowling balls?’ It’s like saying, ‘Let’s go out and go boating,’ and even less can pick up a canoe paddle,” Harvey says.

There’s more diversity in the group than just age. Each resident has his or her own experiences being gay and their own coming out stories.

Harvey, who is 60 and from the suburbs of New York, came to the District area for college and settled here while working in the travel agency business. Eventually he married a woman and had children, not coming out until he was in his late 40s. He admits he didn’t really start living a gay life until he was 51 when he moved to South Beach, Fla., finally returning to the local area to care for his mother at Leisure World.

“I was taught to live a ‘normal’ lifestyle,” Harvey says. “ I was living a false life for 45 years.”

Twigger, a Washingtonian, was married to a man for 17 years and had a son. She lived with a previous partner for 18 years and even while living with another woman she did not come out until her mid 40s, after her relationship with her partner ended.

Ritter has been out since the 1970s and Galif has been out since the 1990s. Since Ritter came out sooner, her views on the struggles gay people have faced are a stark contrast to what Harvey and Twigger have been through.

While Harvey and Twigger say they haven’t experienced any blatant homophobia, they credit it to coming out later in life. Ritter recalls times when she would have to run from her car to the bar in order to avoid getting beat up by neighborhood boys for being a lesbian.

Although there are gay residents at Leisure World and an LGBT group to support them, some still find it difficult to come out of the closet at these stages in life. Harvey says that some may have had rough times with homophobia the way Ritter experienced and are still afraid to come out. These residents tend to come out after a major life change.

“There are still a lot of people in our community, especially the seniors, who are involved in a straight relationship and when the partner passes that’s when they come out. We have had a couple of people who have been in that situation,” Ritter says.

Even some residents who choose to participate in the LGBT group have chosen to remain as secretive about attending the meetings as they can. Some members will not sign their name on the roster because they do not want a record of them being there. Harvey says that some fear what their neighbors will think if they discovered that they are gay.

The culture of living a closeted life among this generation made it challenging to gain recognition for the group at first. Some residents had no idea that gay people were living in Leisure World and that there would be a need for the group at all. When Galef explained to one person about the group, the person responded by asking where these people were coming from and if they were going to bus them in.

Ritter recalls during a Leisure World dance party, she and her friend Galef got up in front of everyone and slow danced.

Leisure World, gay news, Washington Blade

Pat Ritter, left, and Mary Twigger say they enjoy life being out at Leisure World in Silver Spring. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

“It was like, ‘Oh my god, oh my god.’ But you have to break the ceiling, you have to do something,” Ritter says.

After the initial introduction, the Leisure World community’s reception has been overwhelmingly positive. Residents have been accepting of the group and the group’s float for Leisure World’s Fourth of July parade was greeted with smiles and cheers.

“It’s just amazing the reception,” Twigger says. “I think that’s the thing that has a lot of us going, ‘Oh my god.’”

Harvey created a website for the group, leisureworldlgbt.com, and the owner of the Leisure World Brand, Heidi Cortese, contacted Harvey. Cortese was impressed by the work Harvey and the others had done. Now, there are plans to expand the LGBT group into other Leisure World communities. Ideas include having meet ups in other states between different communities, setting up a program where members can swap houses for vacations and even a photo contest, one for gay residents and one for straight ones with a grand prize of a vacation.

Harvey, Ritter, Twigger and Galif are organizing a premiere party on Dec. 4 at their Leisure World location to celebrate being the first active LGBT group at Leisure World. An open bar, hors d’oeuvres and dancing are planned.

“I feel very passionate about it because I know what I lived through. There are many people that are gay that are afraid to say they’re gay that haven’t really had a life yet,” Harvey says. “It’s a very sad life and it shouldn’t be.”

He hopes this group can help those residents accept who they are and start living their lives fully.

“I can truly say that my happiness came when I was able to accept who I was,” Harvey says. “I didn’t have to pretend to be the husband of a wife and live like the Cleavers in ‘Leave it to Beaver.’ That’s why it’s important.”

Leisure World, gay news, Washington Blade

(Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

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What ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’ can still teach us

Producer David Collins on lasting impact of hit series

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David Collins (Photo courtesy of Collins)

It’s hard to imagine where LGBTQ+ television would be without “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” the trailblazing reality series that premiered in 2003. 

Each episode of this Emmy-winning show saw a group of gays converge on a struggling man — the titular straight guy — and offer nonstop wit while organizing his endlessly messy life. This program about a group of homosexual helpers took the world by storm, furthering the love of gay television begun by shows like “Will and Grace” but bringing it into the growing medium of reality TV. Of course, it wasn’t perfect; “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” often cast its experts less as multi-faceted queer folks and more as sources of early 2000s gay jokes. But despite these pitfalls, it’s undeniable that the original program explored the realities of being gay in a way audiences had never seen before. It was a monumental piece of LGBTQ+ representation, and its success is largely owed to the man who fought to get this show made: producer David Collins. 

Collins spoke with the Blade from his Los Angeles home, where he’s spent the past few years living with his husband and his two daughters. David spoke fondly of his many years in the industry, detailing how it feels to be such a huge part of LGBTQ+ history. He explained, however, that he didn’t initially set out to alter how queer people were seen on television. “I never went out to make gay television,” said the producer. “I went out to tell great stories.”

“I’m a hillbilly from Ohio, and I thought I was going to be an editor,” David laughed, looking back on his career. “I interned at the Cincinnati Film Office, and I showed up to work my very first day, and the film commissioner was like, ‘Get to the airport right now and pick [someone] up. Don’t talk to them.’ Well, I ended up picking up Jodie Foster.” Collins raved about this car ride that changed his life, with the pair becoming friends and Foster pushing him to become a producer who puts their own media out into the world. Eventually, he did just that, and after learning about the wild new genre that was reality TV, he pitched a series to Bravo: “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.” 

“I was obsessed with Esquire magazine, and they had five categories: fashion, grooming, interior design, culture, food, and wine. So I gave them each a gay, and the Fab Five were born!” Collins said, describing how viewers quickly fell in love with the concept and earned the program four seasons and an Emmy for Outstanding Reality Program. He spoke about how proud he felt creating a show that centered real gay people, not characters in a story, remembering, “To stand in the middle of Times Square and look up and see this massive billboard with the original Queer Eye guys…it wasn’t even a dream come true, because it wasn’t a dream I had even fathomed.”

With his series, people were watching actual gay men and learning the realities of a queer culture that had always been portrayed as a danger to society. Collins tearfully recounted hearing about queer people using the show as a way to connect with their family, saying, “What I’m most proud of that’s come out of Queer Eye [are] the conversations that that series has allowed to have people around their kitchen tables with little boys in Ohio like me who were scared to death that they were going to burn in hell because their pastor was telling them that they were a sinner.”

Now, for all of its trailblazing, the program wasn’t wholly positive; the show’s focus on the central ‘straight guy’ meant it rarely delved into the lives of its Fab Five. Collins regretted that lack of depth but understood that earlier audiences weren’t accustomed to such a nuanced look into queerness — that would have to wait for the reboot. 

When “Queer Eye” came out in 2018, audiences were introduced to not only a new Fab Five, but a whole new format (that didn’t rely on a straight person). Now, the series would assist queer folks and allies alike, spotlighting these individuals as well as the queer experts helping them improve their lives. The show has been applauded for its amazing makeovers, but where it truly stands out is its representation, offering a look into individuals across the country and the struggles — along with the immense joys — of being queer in America today.

Fans were disappointed to hear that “Queer Eye” would be ending after its 10th season, but David stressed that they wouldn’t have to be sad for long. “What I will say to you is this: hang tight,” he teased. “There’s yet another version of ‘Queer Eye’ to come, and we’re working on that now.” In the meantime, Collins is continuing his work with new shows like the “House of Stassi,” a series centered on “Vanderpump Rules’”prolific waitress. He’s excited about these new projects, but emphasized that his heart will always belong to “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” and all that it continues to do for viewers 19 years after its finale. 

“It’s not about your new outfit or your new couch or your new whatever. It’s about your humanity,” said Collins, speaking about the core lesson he hopes people take away from the Queer Eye franchise. “It’s about seeing yourself. It’s about dignity. It’s about how confidence breeds success.”

A valuable message that queer folks can benefit from even more now than they did in 2003. And, while it’s unclear just what lies ahead for this franchise, one thing is for sure: “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” helped people everywhere understand the power that exists within our queerness. It’s a truth that has impacted countless pieces of LGBTQ+ television today, and it’s one that Collins promises to keep alive through whatever hit show he creates next. 

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Jason DePuy on coping with homophobia in ‘Big Brother’ house

First drag queen contestant on CBS show fought to stay positive

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Jason DePuy on Big Brother (Photo courtesy of CBS Broadcasting,Inc.)

One week after Jason DePuy (known as Salina EsTitties on “RuPaul’s Drag Race”) was bullied and eventually evicted from CBS’s “Big Brother” house, the queer drag performer is still emotionally processing his feelings.

During his 24 days in the reality TV competition, DePuy often had a rough time, with fellow cast member Kamuela “Kamu” Kirk making homophobic comments and feeling isolated.

In a conversation with Head of Household Rick Devens, Kirk left viewers upset when he said, “Bro, miss me with the drag stuff. Miss me. I’m still an MMA guy, and I have an image to uphold.”

Former “Big Brother” contestant Frankie Grande called his words  ‘homophobic’ and ‘gross.’ Another comment, where Kirk said he wanted to end DePuy’s career, also received strong backlash online.

Now that he is out of the house, DePuy has been shocked and deeply touched by the love from “Big Brother” fans and former contestants. We chatted with DePuy for this Blade exclusive.

“To know that my community was rallying for me outside the house was the most wonderful thing. Seeing how much people were just wanting to shower me with love was incredible. Even my friends, I went to say hi and give them a hug, and they’re like, ‘Uh, uh, come here.’ They had to hold me and let me know America was feeling for me in a way that I had no idea.”

He added: “To see that reality was just overwhelming, and I couldn’t ask for more.”

Known as a messy player in the house, DePuy often had to fight to stay positive and stand up for himself. 

“No one was coming to my rescue. In real life, it’s easy to block people, but in the house, I didn’t have that luxury, so I had to find it within myself to learn how to speak up for myself in a way that wasn’t nasty or biting. I didn’t attack anyone personally, which is what I was the most proud of.”

DePuy acknowledged he has had a history of putting his foot in his mouth when it came to certain “Drag Race”moments, being in the public eye, and making a fool of himself. “I’ve learned my lessons; to see how I handled myself in the ‘Big Brother’ house was amazing.” 

While DePuy has been sober for 14 and a half years and has a strong spiritual foundation, in the Big Brother house, he often felt like he couldn’t communicate what he was feeling. 

“As a queer person, a person of color, a drag queen, I have to be very careful about how I move. I don’t have the luxury or privilege to just act a certain way or say a certain thing. I have to be very careful; I’m representing me. But who I am is a Latino, a person of recovery, a drag queen, a queer person in the community. I know that there’s a lot of pressure that comes with that. I felt it was safer for me to sit there and just breathe than try to do anything crazy.”

He continued: “I couldn’t speak to the personal attack that was happening in the house, because in my mind I was like, ‘no, this is a game, and I have to play it, put that aside.’”

Not only can viewers watch the episodes, but they can also watch the live feeds of what’s happening. Seeing the fans’ social media posts from people who had watched the episodes and the live feeds also contributed to DePuy realizing that his feelings of discomfort were valid.

“To know that I wasn’t delusional in those moments, that others could see what was happening, has been a lot to take in. Fans and friends let me know the comments made went beyond the game…I’m like, ‘Oh, so my instincts were correct.”

One of the most poignant moments on the live feeds occurred when DePuy was crying, alone in his room, and said how he missed his gay community.

“I really missed my friends. I missed my queer community. We’re so colorful. We’re so loud. We’re so vibrant. We speak off the cuff, and we’re very truthful and honest with how we speak, and it’s fun. We have fun lingo.”

DePuy had to censor his expressions in the house. “Because I can say one thing, but it can mean something different to straight people than it does with my queer brothers and sisters. So, there was a sense of code-switching that I had to do. I had to even put aside some of my queerness in a way sometimes to fit in.”

DePuy was thrilled to be the very first drag queen to ever be cast on the show. 

“I’m honored to have been chosen. There’s a million drag queens out there, and to know that I was a contender to come in the house and not even be in drag was like a wow for me. I’m over here in Hollywood, running around these streets with a wig and heels just to make a dollar to survive, and I have to rely on drag to do that. And then to be offered this opportunity and be given the privilege to say, ‘hey, you don’t have to put on the wig for you to be valuable here,’ is just insane to me.”

Prior to his shows, DePuy has been hustling for 15 years, flipping burgers and doing drag at night.

“That has been my life these past since I was 17. So it’s been a long journey; the opportunity to do this out of drag is a very big blessing. I’m honored and grateful to be the representation of my community.”

If you missed Jason on “Big Brother: Unlocked,” the episode can be seen on CBS.com. He will be back on the show for the finale.

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Rainbows in Revolt on a mission to make LGBTQ artists’ voices heard

Rainbows in Revolt on a mission to make LGBTQ artists’ voices heard

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Lily Erin, one of Rainbows in Revolt’s signature artists, performed at Capital Pride in June. (Photo courtesy of Rainbows in Revolt)

Last month’s Pride celebration in D.C. was so fun. Walking around my first Capital Pride with a $15 lemonade I was loving the madness and the color. Artists and small businesses battling banks you’ve never heard of collecting your personal information so you can spin a wheel to snag free merch. Great music blaring, people actually smiling and enjoying themselves, the “Great” American State Fair could never!

The Monument Stage was on Pennsylvania Avenue, directly in front of the National Gallery of Art and I can’t think of a better venue to see live music. How does someone get on the lineup for Pride? How do we accelerate the visibility of the most talented voices in our community to perform in places like this?

There is certainly not a talent gap, but there is a visibility gap. Chappell Roan went from playing for two people in a parking lot to owning the main stage at Coachella in one year. Whether it is shadowbanning or bias in AI, algorithms have been shown to suppress queer artists. In a digital age, how can queer people break through and show the world how talented they are?

Allison and Matt of Rainbows in Revolt are on a mission to make openly LGBTQ+ artists’ voices heard. Their goal is to find “musicians whose queerness is central to their identity as an artist,” and accelerate them to a place where they can actually reach fans.

The only time queer events seem to be in the spotlight is June, but this should be year round, according to Allison and Matt. Rainbows in Revolt wants to act as a “nucleus” for different sub-communities, finding common ground in the universal language of music.

Matt and Allison founded Rainbows as a way to make cheaper, higher quality merchandise for queer artists. While Rainbows has already pledged 20% of their profits to the LGBTQ+ community, with 10% to Whitman-Walker Health and 10% to LGBTQ+ organizations in need, this is just the beginning of the work that they do.

Rainbows “does the dirty work” that artists normally struggle to do on their own with limited resources. Interviews, artist profiles, social promotion, playlist discovery, radio outreach, and merch-funded support. This work is normally expensive, time consuming, and requires lots of different skills. Musicians don’t want to be editing clips to post online. Standup comedians don’t want to make graphics for their tour dates. They want to write more. They want to focus on their craft.

In addition to helping artists find their audience, Rainbows has built other digital tools to help queer people connect, including an interactive Safe Space Map for most major cities. It is hard to know which places are truly safe and supportive just from a simple Google search. Attitudes and actions change, and there should be a simple way for queer people to find other places that align with them. The Safe Spaces Maps are all up to date, and are tagged and filterable. Instead of relying on forums and word of mouth, Rainbows has created a centralized way to find authentic community quickly.

I had a chance to talk with Allison and Matt at Pride where Lily Erin, one of their signature artists, was performing on the Monument stage. Lily Erin is a folk singer who is familiar and forging her own path. Her bittersweet sound echoes through Acadia, and her garb mirrors the New England athletes I grew up with. Gorp Core meets streetwear. A graphic tee, hiking shorts, and creamsicle Jordans.

Her debut single, “Bus Stop,” tells a sad story about unconditional love, and the conditions that still seem to come with it. Graduating into lockdown, Erin needed a new way to connect with herself and others. Lily made “Bus Stop” without an intention to share it, but doing so was a liberation. People have been responding to her honesty around queer-ness, family, and the “ghosts which haunt us” even in the daytime.

Rainbows in Revolt has helped Lily Erin go from bars and backyards to The Monument Stage at Pride. This is a meteoric rise, and a testament to both Erin’s talent and the work of Rainbows to promote her. “A little encouragement goes a long way with early artists,” and by “planting a seed” Rainbows is already seeing their artist garden grow. Community is power, and Erin is a perfect example of how effective simple modern techniques of promotion can be.

A next step for Rainbows is putting on shows themselves. On Oct. 3, Rainbows in Revolt will host an Evening with Ray Boltz at the National City Christian Church. Boltz grew up in the Catholic Church and for many years was the soundtrack to many services, youth camps, and church groups. He was celebrated by millions until he came out in 2008. Allison remembers her community “never playing his music again.” 

Rainbows in Revolt is helping him to return to the church, and proving that identity does not need to be exclusive. We live in a complicated world with complicated lines being drawn. Boltz proves that these lines don’t exist, and will be breaking down barriers to bring together communities. To Allison, “a trans woman standing next to a straight white man in church is a powerful teacher.”

The Safe Space maps bridge all types of spaces, and one of the unlikely ones is, perhaps, churches. Matt said that “BYU has only nine safe spaces around their campus and seven of them are churches.” Not all churches are anti-gay, and many times they are the only place for people to find community.

Rainbows in Revolt is just getting started bridging gaps and building community.

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