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Living

To buy or not when you’re single

First home can turn into wise long-term investment

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renting, buying, gay news, Washington Blade

(Blade stock file photo)

Over the years, we’ve had many clients who wanted to buy a house when single. They were well qualified, but they couldn’t pull the trigger. Sometimes, it was with good reason — an unstable job or likely transfer out of the area, or simply deciding that in order to buy, they might have to sacrifice their ideal location and lifestyle to make it work. These are logical and common reasons that some of our clients decide they would rather rent for a little while longer as they iron out the details of their lives.

But all too often, the fear of ownership is something else entirely. They worry about how a purchase might affect their relationship prospects. Some fear that they might seem too intimidating on dates if they owned their own home. They might seem too independent or too tied down if it is someone out of the area. Others worry if they meet the person and decide to marry or move in, they will then have to quickly unload the property.

While all concerns when you are making a big financial purchase or life change are valid, it’s important to remember that buying a home doesn’t define or limit you. It simply adds to your investment portfolio — not to mention gives you a bigger tax break come April 15.

For those of you who are worried about buying a home while you are single, you’re not alone. Buying a home is a big decision and one that should be considered carefully. Our advice is to make sure you’re being honest about why you may or may not make decisions about buying. Buying a home is a large financial investment, one that pays off greatly over time for most people. It gives them a head start on their real estate investment portfolio and often, the money they make on their first home pays for the down payment of their move-up home. Time and time again, we have had clients that prove it makes great financial and personal sense to buy. If you’re qualified to purchase a home and are planning to live in the area for the next couple of years, it almost always makes financial sense to buy.

In our office, we like to say nothing looks sexier on a person than real estate – and it’s true.

So many of our clients have found “the one” soon after purchasing their home. In fact, in my first condo building, five of the single residents who purchased homes in the newly completed 13 unit building were engaged or married within two years of purchasing their first condo. Some moved out and sold their unit, some rented it out, while in others the significant other moved in.

We have one client who purchased a townhouse in her 20s and rented the extra room to a roommate to pay down some of the mortgage. In a few years, she was making more money and was able to live in the house by herself. Shortly after, she met her future spouse and he moved in, contributing again to her mortgage. Later, they decided to buy a property together and keep her original home as an investment property. Other clients have sold their property and used the proceeds to purchase a new home with their new significant other. There are so many options.

Of course, I can’t guarantee that you’ll meet “the one” in the elevator of your new condo building like a Hollywood romantic comedy. But, you will have a new sense of self worth and accomplishment to go along with a fantastic new financial investment in your portfolio. And, of course, you can decorate and customize your new home however you want now that you are no longer renting. Win, win!

Allison Goodhart DuShuttle is lead agent for the Goodhart Group, Alexandria’s and McEnearney Associates’ top-producing real estate team. In 2015, she was nationally recognized by Realtor Magazine, being named to its “30 Under 30” club. Reach her at 703-362-3221 or [email protected]

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Technology

E-INFOSOL leaders encourage youth to pursue tech careers

Service-disabled, veteran-owned business based in Rockville

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From left: Fredy Pesante and Charles Barnett (Photos courtesy of E-INFOSOL)

The technology field can be a gateway to economic mobility.

At E-INFOSOL, a service-disabled, veteran-owned business based in Rockville, Md., CEO and co-founder Fredy Pesante and Vice President of Service Delivery Charles Barnett say internships, mentorship and free online resources can help young people break into IT. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics projects an average of 317,000 job openings per year in the field until 2034.

Led by Iraq War Army veteran Pesante, E-INFOSOL stands out for its efforts to increase opportunities for veterans, people of color and others in under-resourced communities to find careers in tech and its mental health support for employees.

Pesante and Barnett spoke with Youthcast Media Group about technology careers. The executives also talked about the value of government security clearances, stressing that the choices youth make today — including their digital footprints and personal conduct — can shape tech workforce opportunities. 

The interview has been edited for clarity and length.

Can you describe what E-INFOSOL does and what your role is there? 

BARNETT: We focus mainly [on] providing IT services to the federal government. And those IT services consist of cloud engineering, cloud development, cloud security, app development and cybersecurity, and a lot of infrastructure virtualization-type work. My role is [vice president] of service delivery, responsible for ensuring that we are providing great customer service to our customers [and] that we are meeting our deliverables and our requirements to our customers. But also, one of the key focuses is ensuring that our employees have the tools [and] resources to be successful, and that includes coaching, training and developing our employees, and obviously treating them like they want to be treated.

Is IT a career that can help reverse the cycle of poverty in low-income parts of the D.C. area? What more would need to be done to potentially get more youth access to the right technology and training?

BARNETT: One thing we’ve got to ensure is that we, as professionals that have been through it, that have had a lot of experience in the IT space, provide that mechanism to bring folks along with us. That is, exposing our youth to information technology at a young age. If we can show that it’s very interesting, and it’s beneficial, and if they are committed to it and they show a sense of pride and commitment, I think it works out for a lot of people that are coming up from disadvantaged communities that don’t have technology within the house and who don’t have mentors that come from the technology field.

PESANTE: I still think internships work well for high school, even college. IT certifications are still something in demand in specific areas … Charles and myself, we’re part of the Technology Advisory Board at [Montgomery College] and they offer free resources as well to give an advantage to students that don’t have a career path. So find a way to leverage those local resources that are available and try to capitalize on those. IT is such a great field because even though it’s great to have an undergraduate (degree), that is not always a full basis into having an IT career. So you could start in high school … There’s a lot of free stuff online. There’s a lot of YouTube videos. There’s so many resources. To be honest, there’s even now AI that can really teach you [and] it’s free to a certain level that you could use. 

As a veteran-led company with a significant veteran workforce, how does E-INFOSOL support employee well-being and mental-health awareness?

PESANTE: Approximately 35 percent to 40 percent of our employees are veterans. Veterans often gravitate toward working with one another because we share a mission-focused mentality and a commitment to getting the job done.

Mental health has always mattered to us, but it became even more personal after we lost one of our respected leaders, a fellow veteran who had battled mental illness. I worked closely with his family to help honor his story and legacy.

That experience reinforced the importance of supporting mental health across our entire workforce. We encourage managers to maintain meaningful contact with employees, provide appropriate training, and connect people with available resources. We want our actions to match what we say about being a people-first company. Our employee retention has remained strong, and I believe the way we care for our people has contributed to that.

How does getting or having a U.S. government security clearance help? How would a young person pursue getting a security clearance, and what should they keep in mind if they plan to do so?

PESANTE: We live in a world of social media. Make sure you’re … not going to be concerned with somebody finding you on the Internet behaving a certain way. Even though, in some locations, drugs like medical marijuana and what not are considered legal, [that is] not [the case] in the federal government. The use of any substances that could be mind-altering, that’s not a thing [that’s allowed] in the federal government. Also, from a legal perspective, from a criminal background perspective, that’s something that any checkup is going to come up [with], so [make] sure that you’re behaving in a manner exemplifying honesty, reliability, sound judgment, responsible conduct, and trustworthiness. The best thing for getting clearances at that early jump is internships. We’ve been able to get people clearances through the internship process. After a person fits a specific requirement, you train them and they get a government clearance, and that helps them have a head start. When I moved out here after living in Puerto Rico and I was in the Army, I had a clearance. I was able to find a job quickly. 

Any other advice for young people considering this path?

PESANTE: I would say go for it. As minorities, there are a lot of external factors we can’t control, but nobody can ever stop you if you’re great at what you do, if you have a strong work ethic and if you put a lot of effort into making the best out of yourself. It’s never too early to work on yourself and look for ways to work on your professional career, work on your soft skills… Make sure you are working with peers and surrounding yourself with the right people throughout your whole life. I had a mentor myself when I started in the business — Carlos Rivera. He’s from Puerto Rico. He was a veteran. And that always helped me out, having somebody that you want to aspire to [be]. 

BARNETT: Do not be afraid to fail. You know you’re going to make mistakes. People around you are going to make mistakes. Learn from it, and learn from that, and don’t allow people to impact your goals and objectives. You set your path and if you set your path, you’re going to go a very long way, and if you’re really committed and continue to establish relationships along your entire path, you’re going to reap the benefits of ensuring that you are in a position to take advantage of opportunities that are in front of you. 

Joseph Jackson is in the class of 2027 at Bard High School Early College DC, one of Youthcast Media Group’s partner schools. Shreya Jyotishi, YMG Assistant Manager of Content and Programs, also worked on this story.

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Autos

Two awesome, affordable rides

Kia K4 and Nissan Kicks are more than budget friendly

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Kia K4 hatchback

Remember when buying a new car didn’t require the financial stamina of a “Succession” character? This summer, the average new-vehicle price hit $49,758—basically $50,000 with a little lipstick on it. That makes the Kia K4 hatchback and Nissan Kicks especially refreshing. Neither requires a second mortgage, a trust fund or a makeover to look good. And both prove you can still buy a new vehicle without selling your soul — or your vacation plans.

KIA K4 HATCHBACK

$25,000

Mpg: 28 city/34 highway

0 to 60 mph: 9.1 seconds

Cargo space: 22.2 cu. ft. 

PROS: Edgy exterior. Roomy interior. User-friendly controls.

CONS: So-so base engine. Pricy turbo. No all-wheel drive.

WHAT’S NEW: Basically everything. The K4 hatchback debuted earlier this year, joining the K4 sedan. 

Kia’s stylish five-door K4 boasts three trim levels. The first two use a capable four-cylinder engine, while the top-of-the-line model comes with a turbo.

That turbo provides some genuine zip, though it won’t blow your socks off. Think Janelle Monáe in a tailored suit, not Brad Pitt arriving at the F1 racetrack in a fireproof jumpsuit.

The real star, though, is the design. Sleek. Upscale. A tad mysterious. 

Inside, another surprise: vast legroom and storage. Fold the backseats and you can toss in the usual road-trip clutter, plus that regrettable piece of furniture you bought after watching one too many HGTV shows.

Technology is also a bonus, including a digital key that lets you use a smartphone or smartwatch as a direct key fob. You can even share this digital key with friends or family. Just don’t share it with anyone who often loses their actual keys.

Despite some SUV vibes, the K4 remains unapologetically car-like. It sits lower. Feels more conventional. And offers hatchback practicality without itching to conquer the Rockies.

The biggest downside? No all-wheel drive.

Still, for shoppers who crave style, space and gadgetry, the K4 won’t break the bank. To me, it’s like finding a designer jacket at a thrift shop.

NISSAN KICKS 

Nissan Kicks

$23,000

Mpg: 28 city/35 highway

0 to 60 mph: 8.9 seconds

Cargo space: 23.9 cubic feet

PROS: Dashing design. Safety gear galore. All-wheel drive.

CONS: Bit pokey. Noisy engine. Limited rear visibility.

WHAT’S NEW: Redesigned last year with a bit more power, bigger cabin and bold looks, Nissan leaves the winning formula alone.

Like the Kia K4, the Nissan Kicks comes in three trims levels. But it also includes all-wheel drive — a nice plus when navigating snow, sleet or cratered alleys. 

There’s an extensive suite of active and passive safety features. And the high ground clearance improves driver visibility, which is somewhat hindered in the back by thick roof pillars. 

Styling is tastefully flamboyant. Dramatic lighting. Two-tone finishes. Cheerful, without being cartoonish. Miranda Priestly would approve. 

Power, though, is more akin to Miranda’s art director Nigel Kipling. Dependable. Functional. Just not enthusiastic.

Inside, the mod cabin has large 12.3-inch displays, wireless smartphone connectivity and charging, and “zero gravity seats” designed to reduce driver fatigue and stiffness. Add in the stunning Bose Personal Plus audio system, with 10 speakers—including those integrated into the headrests—for an immersive 360-degree sound experience.

The Kicks doesn’t try to be rugged or luxurious. It simply offers a lot of everyday usefulness in a small package. 

There is a trade-off. The engine gets noisy when pushed, and there are sportier (often pricier) competitors. But that’s hardly a crime. Not every vehicle needs to perform catwalk struts down the street. 

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Advice

Should I divorce my catty gay friend group?

They’re mean but I’m afraid to be alone

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(Image by Andrew Rybalko/Bigstock)

Hi Michael,

When is it worth stopping being friends with someone, or more than one person?

Lately I feel like my friends aren’t being very nice to me. In fact it reminds me of high school, and junior high school, when I was being bullied.

I’m not the most attractive in the group, I know that. They are always ribbing me about not working out enough or that I should get a hair transplant (I am balding) or making fun of the way I dress. I am not that stylish, I just don’t have a good sense for clothes. I thought about asking for some advice but I worry that would just lead to more mocking.

That I am not having as much sex as they are—it’s actually my preference, but of course I get comments about not being able to get someone to hook up with because of my appearance, clothes, low-key personality etc.

As I’m writing this I could go on and on. I think I’ve just tried laughing with them or ignoring it, but it does really get to me. 

There’s a standard in this town that I know I don’t fit. Great body, handsome face, overall hot, witty and sarcastic sense of humor, make a lot of money in some impressive job. I am sure you know the type I am describing. 

Some of the things I can’t help (appearance), some I don’t really want to fix (hooking up a lot). My brother died of an overdose so I don’t use drugs or alcohol, which, no surprise, evokes more judgment. 

My job is my job, I like it a lot and it is meaningful to me but I’m never going to be rich.  

The problem with that is, all my friends like to take a lot of expensive vacations. I can go on some but not on all. When we go I am watching my expenses, which provokes more judgment and jokes, always delivered as if they are “kidding” but it hurts.

I started off by saying I feel like I’m back to being a bullied kid. You know, laugh it off so that they don’t see you crying. But it doesn’t feel like I am respecting myself when I do that.

If I speak up and ask them to stop, I just get more jokes. I am NOT taken seriously.

The idea of walking away is scary, though. Who else would I have to spend my weekends with? I am afraid of being lonely. 

I could write more but I think I’m conveying why I am feeling pretty hopeless about these friendships.

Michael replies:

I think it’s a bad idea to spend time with people who are mean or abusive toward you.

But before you walk away from your friend group, do you think it’s worth talking to them, individually, or as a group? In a serious way, without joking, laughing, or minimizing your pain so as not to make them uncomfortable. 

Their behavior sounds very junior high school, but they are adults. Telling them how their behavior affects you might lead them to confront themselves, but it might not.

You didn’t write anything about what you actually like about these friends. Is it just that they allow you to spend time with them? Or do they have some good qualities? Getting clear about this would help you figure out if you want to push for change here.

I know what you mean about “the standard” in D.C. (and very likely in other locations).  I hear from clients over and over about the hierarchy of attractiveness and success. When people don’t feel they measure up, it is easy to feel less-than, and invisible. 

There are lots of reasons why gay men can be mean to other gay men. (Of course, everyone can be mean, and for all sorts of reasons). One biggie: it’s nice to feel like part of the in-crowd, after growing up feeling like an outcast. But this means establishing a pecking order so that there are others to look down on and exclude. It’s understandable, all too common, and unkind.

It’s also true that the heterosexual world tends to value beauty in women and financial success in men. Gay men hit themselves with a double whammy, glorifying both.

Still, you’re not going to single-handedly change the problematic aspects of gay culture.  You may be able to influence some of your friends, however. That remains to be seen, and would take some courage on your part if you want to tackle that.

It does sound like it’s time for you to make some new friends. This may seem even more scary than speaking up to the friends you have, but it also might give you a sense that you are taking control of your life.   

True, in D.C. (and elsewhere), there are a lot of gay men focused on the attributes you say you lack. But “the scene” is not the only game in town. There also have to be a good number of guys out there who are looking for other qualities that you may possess, and that you may also admire in others. These are the people for you to find and befriend.

I can’t tell you exactly how to go about that. You’re going to have to be creative and try some new things. Activity groups, hobbies that involve other people, sports. You never know whom you might meet, where. Don’t forget that you might enjoy meeting and hanging out with people who aren’t gay, as well.

You didn’t mention anything about looking for love in your life. Maybe that’s not your interest; maybe you don’t feel like adequate partner material (if so, I hope you will work to challenge that belief); or maybe you’re doing just fine in that area. I don’t know.  But if you would like to find a good guy, I hope that widening your field will help.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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