Living

Who actually owns your home?

Check that deed for common mistakes

Published

9 years ago

December 30, 2016

Lawrence S. Jacobs

If you bought a house together before marrying, talk to a lawyer about the best way to title your deed.

Far too often, couples that live in homes together — married or unmarried — don’t understand how the ownership of their homes is actually structured. In the hundreds of times that I’ve sat down with same-sex couples to review their estates, we’ve uncovered ownership issues as often as not. Many of those less than ideal situations can be updated or repaired easily enough. But I have also seen too many cases in which one half of the couple becomes homeless after a break-up or the death of a partner or spouse.

The problems typically center around unequal ownership stakes. See if any of these scenarios sound familiar. Maybe one of you owned the house before you met. Or, when it came time to buy, one of you had the down payment and the income to pay most of the carrying costs. Now you’re living together and treating the home like it belongs to both of you, but still only one name is on the deed. Other times, the lopsided arrangement happens because one of you has a less than sterling credit history and a lender advises you to put just one name on the deed for that condo or townhouse. Even if you’re splitting the costs down the middle, the person on the deed is the one and only owner.

None of those setups are wrong, per se. It may be the arrangement that makes you most comfortable. But you must understand the risks. Even if that’s how your home-owning relationship started, it doesn’t have to stay that way. Typically, the costs to re-deed property from one person to two people are minimal. You can protect the interests of the original owner with a partnership agreement or a pre- or post-nuptial agreement. But making sure that the surviving spouse or partner of someone who has died has a place to live (in my opinion) overrides almost every other concern.

I believe that one of the shockers in the real estate industry is just how often well-intended property deeds have built-in title problems. You’d imagine that all of the people who handle that part of the transactional process could come up with the right structure with their eyes closed. And you would be wrong. There are THREE ways that couples can hold title to real estate together and each generates a different result when one co-owner dies.

Tenants-in-common means that the share left by a deceased partner goes straight into that person’s estate. If there is no will, that share gets divided among legal heirs, whoever they may be—say, your partner’s estranged brother from Kansas. Even if there is a will, the deceased co-owner’s share goes through probate.

Joint tenants with rights of survivorship is better—and until the legalization of same-sex marriage, it was the best most of us could do. If your home is titled in this way, the survivor inherits the property automatically, though you still have to satisfy any outstanding judgments or liens against the property.

Tenants by the entirety is available only to married couples. It provides the greatest level of protection because it guarantees that the property will go to the surviving spouse automatically, free and clear of most liens that were only against the interest of the person who died.

Even if the terminology makes your head spin, the process of understanding and cleaning up the ownership structure of your home is reasonably simple. First you tackle the practical question of whose name or names should be on the deed. Then you work with an attorney to be sure the deed is drafted properly, that the nature of the relationship between the parties is portrayed correctly, and that the property is described accurately.

If you are preparing to purchase a home, do not assume that settlement agents will automatically title the property in the best way for your circumstances. If you already own a home together, don’t take it for granted that it is titled in the best way—especially if you are married now, but weren’t married back when you made the purchase. I see deeds that are conspicuously wrong almost every week. They are easy and inexpensive to correct, but only if the error is found while both parties are alive and well. If you have a question about any of the real estate topics covered in this column, please don’t hesitate to call me or send me an e-mail.

(This column is not intended to provide legal advice, but only general guidance that may or may not be applicable to your specific situation.)

Lawrence Jacobs has helped hundreds of same-sex couples and LGBT singles in the Washington area protect their assets and loved ones through partnership planning. He is a partner at McMillan Metro, P.C. and has practiced law for 42 years. He is admitted to the bar in Maryland, Virginia and the District of Columbia. Learn more about Larry and his practice at PartnerPlanning.com.

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Introducing Next-Generation Assisted Living & Memory Support.

Now Available in Tysons: Kokua at The Mather

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1 day ago

May 28, 2026

Autos

A magical Mercedes

S-Class continues to define what luxury really means

Published

6 days ago

May 23, 2026

Joe Phillips

Mercedes S-Class

At my stage of life — “somewhere between 40 and death,” as the iconic line goes in the musical “Mame” — I want some pampering. A lot of pampering.

Luckily, for anyone who constantly craves a soothing spa, steam room or sauna, there’s the completely updated Mercedes S-Class. This flagship sedan is now so full of glitz, glamour, and gee-whiz gadgetry, it gives new meaning to the term “auto erotica.”

Does this make the S-Class a “gay” ride? For me, any vehicle that pushes my buttons like this one is a Kinsey 6.

MERCEDES S-CLASS

$122,000 (est.)

MPG: 21 city/31 highway

0 to 60 mph: 4.3 seconds

Trunk space: 19 cu. ft.

PROS: Exceptional comfort. Ultra-quiet cabin. Cutting-edge safety.

CONS: Price climbs fast. Tech learning curve. Sportier competitors.

The S-Class continues to define what luxury really means, with a bolder silhouette, larger grille, and striking, next-gen LED headlights. There’s also an optional illuminated Mercedes star on the hood. Overall, nearly 2,700 parts are new or improved, so more than 50 percent of this vehicle has been updated. An extreme makeover, to be sure.

At the same time, this latest S-Class leans harder into intelligence and electrification than ever before. Under the hood, a range of turbocharged inline-six and V8 engines — paired with mild-hybrid systems — deliver power in a way that seems almost edited for smoothness. Braking is solid and strong, too, but never abrupt. All the engineering is fine-tuned and intentional.

Yes, the top-of-the line S580 version is more expensive, almost $140,000. But it’s also blisteringly fast, zipping from 0 to 60 mph in just 3.9 seconds. That’s as lickety-split swift as a Lamborghini Revuelto supercar, which has a starting MSRP of $610,000 and can easily exceed — yowza! — $800,000.

Colors? There are 150 to choose from for the exterior and 400 for the interior. You can even customize the illuminated door sills, interior stitching and wheel accents.

And the ride quality? Sublime. Adaptive air suspension reads the road constantly, leveling out imperfections before they even register. Rear-axle steering enhances maneuverability, making this full-sized sedan feel surprisingly nimble in tight spaces. On the highway, the S-Class simply glides like a private yacht on the calmest of seas — extremely quiet, composed and completely unbothered.

Whenever you slide inside, the cabin immediately sets the tone. A massive OLED digital display — the same high-def technology used for cinematic viewing and gaming monitors — anchors the dashboard, running the latest MBUX infotainment interface. Highly customizable, this software allows for advanced voice commands that feel natural, not forced. And an augmented-reality navigation system takes your route and overlays it onto live camera feeds. It’s intuitive — mostly, as there is a learning curve for all this cutting-edge gear. Overall, though, such amenities make older setups feel like dial-up internet.

A Burmester surround-sound stereo is available in 3D or 4D, with up to 31 speakers, 1,690 watts and tactile transducers in the seats that vibrate and pulse with the music. Those seats are, of course, extremely comfortable. And the seatbelts? These are now heated.

Let’s not forget the latest cabin air-filtration system, which can remove ultra-fine particles to deliver air quality that rivals medical environments. Clean air, yes, but even this seems like a special treat. It’s like being swaddled in couture, not ready-to-wear.

And lastly, there’s the rear-seat area, which — to be honest — is where the S-Class really shines. Executive packages offer multi-contour reclining seats with rapid heating and ventilating, heated armrests and massage functions. You can opt for a footrest, which ups the glam factor to give you a calf massage. Dual 13.1-inch display screens come with their own remote controls. There’s also a video-conferencing feature, to help transform the rear cabin into a fully connected mobile office. For me, it feels less “back seat” and more “private lounge.”

Even in fiction, high-tech luxury carries weight. Tony Stark helped cement the idea that state-of-the art vehicles can be aspirational, not just practical. The magical S-Class fits right into that narrative — minus the flying suit (for now).

Advice

I’m a 64-year-old single gay man and I hate my life

How can I turn things around before it’s too late?

Published

1 week ago

May 22, 2026

Michael Radkowsky

I’m officially old, maybe even nearing the finish line and I’m getting bitter.

Dear Michael,

I’m a 64-year-old single gay man and I hate my life.

I’ve never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months. I can’t say why. I don’t think I’m defective. I wasn’t unattractive when I was younger (still not bad looking), I think I’m an interesting person to spend time with, but everything always seemed to fizzle out.

Thankfully, I missed AIDS because I came out after people knew what to do. Sometimes I wonder if fear of contracting the virus metastasized into a fear of getting close. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve consciously kept people away. Consciously I have wanted someone to share my life with, very much.

With my 65th birthday and official senior citizen status approaching, I’ve been taking stock of my life and am coming to the hard realization that I’m never going to find that elusive partner.

I don’t go out anymore because people look right through me, except the ones who have a fetish for older guys. No one’s actually interested in me as me, a unique person rather than what they see on the surface.

I’m tired of my coupled friends. They’re always talking about “we.” Yes, I have become resentful that they have what I want and will never get. I know that’s not admirable but it’s how I feel, secretly, and I am sick of feeling like this when I am around them. So why be around them?

And I’m tired of my friends who are focused on sex all the time. It just all feels like a waste of time. I don’t get anything from a hookup anymore, they’ve been feeling increasingly meaningless. I feel like I’m someone’s momentary opportunity to get off, rather than any kind of real connection.

I’m just sick of the whole chase I’ve been doing for the last 40+ years.

I’m realizing that the whole thing has been pointless, a quest for a partner who is never going to materialize and a lot of diversions along the way that have added up to a despairing feeling that I’ve wasted my life trying to get something that will never happen.

Gay life hasn’t been so gay for me. And I’m officially old, maybe even nearing the finish line. Yes, if you haven’t noticed, I’m getting bitter.

What do I do with this dead end?

Michael replies:

How about looking for a different road to go down?

I’m not going to challenge your belief that you aren’t going to find a partner. I think it’s possible that you could, because there are other guys out there, in your age range, who are looking. But you have no guarantee, especially if you have decided to take it off the table.

So what else can you do with your life? How can you make your remaining time on this earth well-lived?

From your letter, it’s clear what you don’t want to do: Look for a boyfriend, hook up, or spend time with your current friends. Surely there must be more possibilities for your life than those options.

So my advice is to figure out some things you care about and start doing them. Travel? Volunteering? Getting a companion animal? Taking classes? Finding a new career? Those are just a few of the ideas I can come up with, but I don’t know you. What ideas can you generate, that you suspect you’d like to pursue?

In other words, start putting one foot in front of the other and go in some new directions that intrigue you enough to explore.

Sitting around feeling miserable does not help you to get anywhere. It keeps you feeling miserable. Sitting around waiting to feel better does not lead you to feel better. What would help you get to a better place would be to start taking action on your own behalf. Always keep in mind that while you are alive, with your faculties intact, you do have the choice to take this step, over and over and over again.

If you give yourself something (or some things) worthwhile to put your focus on, and do your best to shift your focus there whenever you notice that you are lamenting, I’m hopeful you will create a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

I’m also hopeful that if you are spending time doing things that you actually enjoy and that enrich your life, you may find more satisfying companionship than you are experiencing with your current friend group. (And yes, this could include a romantic relationship if you decide to be open to this possibility.)

A brief reply in an advice column can point you in the right direction, but it is likely not enough to sustain and motivate you through a major life overhaul.

Therefore, I suggest that you find a therapist to help you figure out how to move forward and what to move toward; and also to grieve, and put to rest as best you can, the loss of the life you hoped you would have.

I know that transcending the loss of a huge lifelong dream may seem impossible. But working toward this, as best you are able, would help you.

Relatedly, one more thing that I hope you can address with a therapist is your bitterness. I do understand why you feel so bitter, and I also think that it is torquing your life in a downhill direction.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, and New York. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].