Living
Who actually owns your home?
Check that deed for common mistakes


If you bought a house together before marrying, talk to a lawyer about the best way to title your deed.
Far too often, couples that live in homes together — married or unmarried — don’t understand how the ownership of their homes is actually structured. In the hundreds of times that I’ve sat down with same-sex couples to review their estates, we’ve uncovered ownership issues as often as not. Many of those less than ideal situations can be updated or repaired easily enough. But I have also seen too many cases in which one half of the couple becomes homeless after a break-up or the death of a partner or spouse.
The problems typically center around unequal ownership stakes. See if any of these scenarios sound familiar. Maybe one of you owned the house before you met. Or, when it came time to buy, one of you had the down payment and the income to pay most of the carrying costs. Now you’re living together and treating the home like it belongs to both of you, but still only one name is on the deed. Other times, the lopsided arrangement happens because one of you has a less than sterling credit history and a lender advises you to put just one name on the deed for that condo or townhouse. Even if you’re splitting the costs down the middle, the person on the deed is the one and only owner.
None of those setups are wrong, per se. It may be the arrangement that makes you most comfortable. But you must understand the risks. Even if that’s how your home-owning relationship started, it doesn’t have to stay that way. Typically, the costs to re-deed property from one person to two people are minimal. You can protect the interests of the original owner with a partnership agreement or a pre- or post-nuptial agreement. But making sure that the surviving spouse or partner of someone who has died has a place to live (in my opinion) overrides almost every other concern.
I believe that one of the shockers in the real estate industry is just how often well-intended property deeds have built-in title problems. You’d imagine that all of the people who handle that part of the transactional process could come up with the right structure with their eyes closed. And you would be wrong. There are THREE ways that couples can hold title to real estate together and each generates a different result when one co-owner dies.
Tenants-in-common means that the share left by a deceased partner goes straight into that person’s estate. If there is no will, that share gets divided among legal heirs, whoever they may be—say, your partner’s estranged brother from Kansas. Even if there is a will, the deceased co-owner’s share goes through probate.
Joint tenants with rights of survivorship is better—and until the legalization of same-sex marriage, it was the best most of us could do. If your home is titled in this way, the survivor inherits the property automatically, though you still have to satisfy any outstanding judgments or liens against the property.
Tenants by the entirety is available only to married couples. It provides the greatest level of protection because it guarantees that the property will go to the surviving spouse automatically, free and clear of most liens that were only against the interest of the person who died.
Even if the terminology makes your head spin, the process of understanding and cleaning up the ownership structure of your home is reasonably simple. First you tackle the practical question of whose name or names should be on the deed. Then you work with an attorney to be sure the deed is drafted properly, that the nature of the relationship between the parties is portrayed correctly, and that the property is described accurately.
If you are preparing to purchase a home, do not assume that settlement agents will automatically title the property in the best way for your circumstances. If you already own a home together, don’t take it for granted that it is titled in the best way—especially if you are married now, but weren’t married back when you made the purchase. I see deeds that are conspicuously wrong almost every week. They are easy and inexpensive to correct, but only if the error is found while both parties are alive and well. If you have a question about any of the real estate topics covered in this column, please don’t hesitate to call me or send me an e-mail.
(This column is not intended to provide legal advice, but only general guidance that may or may not be applicable to your specific situation.)
Lawrence Jacobs has helped hundreds of same-sex couples and LGBT singles in the Washington area protect their assets and loved ones through partnership planning. He is a partner at McMillan Metro, P.C. and has practiced law for 42 years. He is admitted to the bar in Maryland, Virginia and the District of Columbia. Learn more about Larry and his practice at PartnerPlanning.com.
Real Estate
No Rose, your interest rate has nothing to do with how many likes you got on Hinge
Many factors help determine rates these days

Picture it, you’re sitting in the lunchroom at work, and your coworker just bought a house. Another coworker bought one a few months ago and you hear that she got a totally different interest rate than the other one did, even though they both bought houses not that far from each other. Homebuyers everywhere have been wondering what interest rates they are going to get, lately. It’s easy to read an article online or see an ad on social media stating specific numbers, but there may be more than meets the eye going into a particular buyer’s interest rate.
What are the factors that can affect the interest rate a buyer eventually “locks in”?
- Property details – certain properties may be in neighborhoods with higher rates of foreclosure, or there may be specific census tracts that allow a buyer to participate in the “Fannie Mae Home Ready” and “Freddie Mac Home Possible” programs, which carry more flexible requirements such as various income limits and lower interest rates, to help people begin homeownership.
- Type of loan / loan amount– a conventional, conforming loan or a jumbo loan can have differing interest rates, as well as FHA loans.
- Credit score – most people are aware that this affects what interest rate is quoted, just like on a credit card. Some lenders will work with you on ways to improve a credit score if the goal is to buy six, nine, or 12 months from now.
- Lock period – do you want to lock in the rate for 30 days? 45? Market volatility can cause the rates to change so it will cost more money to hold onto a particular interest rate.
- Loan to value ratio – one can still buy a home with less than 20% down, but the rate that is quoted may be higher.
- Occupancy type – is this the primary residence or an investment property?
- Points bought or credits taken – A buyer can pay the lender a fee to buy down the interest rate, or the seller can sometimes offer a credit. This has become more popular in recent years.
- Market conditions – keep an eye on the news – as we are all aware, change is the only constant!
Lender Tina del Casale with Atlantic Union Bank says, “With jumbo fixed rates in the low 6’s, and first-time buyer down payment assistance loans such as DC Open Doors, rates are in the mid 7’s. With the added factors of your income, the address you are purchasing and your credit score factoring into the equation, interest rates are different from buyer to buyer these days. So, skip the online tools and make a few calls because that’s the only way to get an accurate quote these days!”
It might feel like an overwhelming amount of information to take on, but remember, there are people that help others take these big steps every day. A trusted lender and Realtor can guide their clients from start to finish when it comes to purchasing a home. And for that, you’ll be saying, “thank you for being a friend!”
Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with Metro Referrals. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].
Advice
Stop haranguing your husband about how you think he should behave
Make your point and then move on from the argument

Michael,
My husband is great, but he’s a pushover. It happens at work a lot. For example: His colleague, who came back from maternity leave about four months ago, is always leaving early. And Jeremy is always staying late to finish the jobs that they should be doing together.
But the most galling to me is that he doesn’t speak up for himself in his family. His parents (in my opinion) overtly favor his brother (who is straight) and his brother’s family. I could give a lot of examples. The latest: They’re treating the brother and the family to a cruise.
We’ve been together for 15 years, married for 12, and never get any such treatment.
Jeremy says his brother is strapped for cash (four kids, one income) and the family needs a break, whereas Jeremy doesn’t need his parents to pay for his (or our) vacation. I don’t really want to go on a cruise but it’s the principle of the thing.
Again, this is just one example. I feel bad for Jeremy being walked on, over and over, and I want him to start standing up for himself. Despite my repeated entreaties, he won’t.
When I push him on this, he tells me I’m not seeing the whole picture, or he sees it differently, or it’s not a big deal, or he’s fine with things as they are.
I can’t see how he could be fine with being taken advantage of, or not being appreciated. I think he’d have a much better life if he actually set some boundaries with people.
How do I persuade Jeremy to listen to me and be more assertive?
Michael replies:
Do you see the irony in complaining that you can’t get your husband to listen to you about being more assertive and setting a boundary?
You’ve made your point to Jeremy, repeatedly, and Jeremy is telling you to back off. In other words, he’s assertively setting a boundary with you.
You can’t get someone else to behave in the way you want, even when you’re certain that your way is best. Jeremy gets to decide how he wants to conduct himself.
Here’s a pattern I have noticed over and over again through my years of working with couples: When you try to do something for someone that is their own job to do, both you and the person you are trying to “help” wind up being resentful. You get annoyed that the other person won’t listen to your wonderful advice, and the other person gets annoyed because they don’t want someone else telling them what to do or how to live their life.
In this case, you’re trying to get Jeremy to stand up for himself more than he does, and he’s not interested in changing how he operates.
A great rule for relationships: You can advocate for what you want, but you have to let go of the result. (And advocate sparingly, or you risk being a nag).
You are continuing to argue the same point to Jeremy, and Jeremy isn’t interested in listening to you. As you asked for my advice, here it is: Cut it out before he gets into the resentment stage, if he’s not already there, as you apparently are.
Also, please consider that your repeatedly criticizing Jeremy’s parents where Jeremy sees no problem could damage not only your relationship with Jeremy, but also his and your relationship with his family.
We get to marry the person we marry. We don’t get to insist that they upgrade to a better (at least in our opinion) version. Trying to do so is not just disrespectful and a waste of time, it poisons the relationship.
So find a way to live with Jeremy as he is, or — if you find his acquiescent nature unbearable — leave. But don’t spend the rest of your marriage, or even another day, haranguing him about how you think he should behave.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
Real Estate
The best U.S. cities for LGBTQ homebuyers in 2025
Where strong equality scores, vibrant culture, attainable prices converge

Buying a home has always been a landmark of security and self-expression. For LGBTQ+ people, it can also be a powerful act of claiming space in a country where housing equality is still a work in progress. The good news? This year offers more options—and more protections—than ever. A record-breaking 130 U.S. cities now score a perfect 100 on the Human Rights Campaign’s Municipal Equality Index (MEI), meaning their local laws, services, and political leadership actively protect queer residents, reports.hrc.org. Meanwhile, national housing analysts at Zillow expect only modest price growth this year (about 2.6 percent), giving buyers a little breathing room to shop around.
Below are eight standout markets where strong equality scores, vibrant LGBTQ+ culture, and relatively attainable prices converge. Median sale prices are from March 2025 Zillow data.
1. Minneapolis–St. Paul, MN
Median sale price: $317,500
Twin Cities residents benefit from statewide nondiscrimination laws that explicitly cover sexual orientation and gender identity, a thriving queer arts scene, and dozens of neighborhood Pride celebrations beyond the mega-festival each June. Buyers also appreciate Minnesota’s down-payment assistance programs for first-time and BIPOC purchasers—many LGBTQ+ households qualify.
2. Philadelphia
Median sale price: $227,667
Philly combines East Coast culture with Mid-Atlantic affordability. “Gayborhood” anchors like Giovanni’s Room bookstore mingle with new LGBTQ-owned cafés in Fishtown and South Philly. Pennsylvania added statewide housing protections in 2024, closing the legal gaps that once worried trans and nonbinary buyers.
3. Pittsburgh
Median sale price: $221,667
Don’t let the steel-town stereotype fool you—Pittsburgh’s MEI score is 100, and its real-estate dollar stretches further than in comparable metros. Lawrenceville and Bloomfield have become hubs for queer-owned eateries and co-working spaces, while regional employers in tech and healthcare boast top Corporate Equality Index ratings.
4. Tucson, Ariz.
Median sale price: $328,333
This desert city punches above its weight in LGBTQ+ visibility thanks to the University of Arizona, a nationally ranked Pride parade, and some of the country’s most picturesque outdoor recreation. Arizona’s statewide fair-housing statute now explicitly lists gender identity, giving buyers added recourse if discrimination occurs.
5. Madison, Wisc.
Median sale price: $413,867
Madison blends progressive politics with a top-five public university and a booming tech corridor. Local lenders routinely promote inclusive marketing, and Dane County offers one of the few county-level LGBTQ+ home-ownership programs in the nation, providing up to $10,000 in forgivable assistance for low-to-moderate-income couples.
6. Atlanta
Median sale price: $359,967
The cultural capital of the Southeast delivers queer nightlife, Fortune 500 jobs, and a web of supportive nonprofits such as Lost-n-Found Youth. While Georgia lacks statewide protections, Atlanta’s 100-point MEI score covers public accommodations, contracting, and employer requirements—shielding homebuyers who choose in-town neighborhoods like Midtown or East Point.
7. St. Petersburg, Fla.
Median sale price: $354,667 Yes, Florida’s statewide politics are turbulent, but St. Pete has long held firm on LGBTQ+ equality. The city’s Pride festival draws nearly a million visitors, and local ordinances bar discrimination in housing and public services. Waterfront bungalows in Kenwood and more affordable condos near Uptown give first-time buyers options.
8. Denver
Median sale price: $563,500
Colorado passed some of the nation’s strongest gender identity housing protections in 2024, and Denver’s queer community remains one of the most visible in the Mountain West. Although prices run higher, buyers gain exceptional job growth and one of the country’s largest Gay & Lesbian Chambers of Commerce.
Smart Strategies for LGBTQ+ Buyers & Sellers
1. Build Your Dream Team Early
- Work with an equality-focused real-estate pro. The easiest way is to start at GayRealEstate.com, which has screened gay, lesbian, and allied agents in every U.S. market for more than 30 years.
- Choose inclusive lenders and inspectors. Ask whether each vendor follows HUD’s 2021 guidance interpreting the Fair Housing Act to cover sexual orientation and gender identity.
2. Know Your Rights—And Limitations
- Federal law bars housing bias, but enforcement can lag. Document everything and report issues to HUD, your state civil-rights agency, or Lambda Legal.
- In states without full protections, rely on city ordinances (check the MEI) and add explicit nondiscrimination language to your purchase contract.
3. Evaluate Neighborhood Fit
- Use local data: crime stats, school ratings, transit, and MEI scores of nearby suburbs.
- Spend time in queer-owned cafés, bars, and community centers to gauge true inclusivity.
4. For Sellers: Market With Pride—And Professionalism
- Highlight proximity to LGBTQ+ resources (community centers, Pride festivals) in your listing remarks.
- Stage neutrally but inclusively—rainbow art is great, but removing personal photos can protect privacy during showings.
The landscape for LGBTQ+ homeowners is evolving fast. By coupling inclusive laws, supportive culture, and attainable prices, cities like Minneapolis, Philadelphia, and Tucson stand out for 2025. No matter where you land, surround yourself with professionals who value every part of your identity. Start your journey at GayRealEstate.com, lean on the resources above, and claim your corner of the American dream—on your own terms, and with pride.
Scott Helms is president and owner of Gayrealestate.com.
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