a&e features
Losing a lover to AIDS
My years with Rob are how I measure time now
Gary Barton was an actor and former senior vice president of production at Walt Disney Co. In 1992, along with his partner Rob Hershman and Congresswoman Maxine Waters, he won the Leadership Award from AIDS ACTION in Washington. (Photo from Barton’s Facebook page)
That last month, I could look only in his eyes, for that is where he was. His face was covered with raw open sores. His gray translucent skin was stretched tautly from bone to bone. He had become a body with which I had no history.
When I got scared, I held him in my arms and stared into his eyes. They were clear and beautiful and familiar. That is where we connected now.
That last month I remember as snapshots of black and gray. Even the blood Rob bled, in my memory, lacks color. Time is distorted and that month seems much longer than a month is. I can still feel myself pushing away certain memories.
It has been years since Rob died and the black flashes stay a little longer now, and very slowly, like a photograph coming up in a darkroom tray, I begin to see the memory develop and fix. When I met Rob, he was beginning to lose weight. I watched him chart his unexplained fevers daily.
A friend commented that he thought I was courageous to get involved with someone who was beginning to get sick. Courage had nothing to do with it. I knew after spending a few weeks with Rob, that this was the man I would allow myself to love and with more difficulty, allow to love me. I committed to make the journey of my life with him, not knowing where it would lead. It was quite simply, the wisest decision I ever made.
My years with Rob are how I measure time now. Everything else comes either before or after.
The differences between Rob and me were considerable. Rob was very well read and graduated magna cum laude from Harvard. I barely made it through high school. Rob was compulsive about neatness and order. I would leave my clothes in a pile where I removed them. I had been living on my own since I was 17 and had developed street smarts that Rob never did.
In fact, he never stopped being naive. But instead of allowing these differences to become a wedge, we learned from each other because of them.
Three years before he died, Rob told me he needed to pursue a spiritual path to deal with what he knew was in store for him. He decided, having been born a Jew, that he would study the Torah. Up until then, he had no particular religious connection with Judaism, but like many Jews, he had a strong cultural bond.
In typical fashion, he excelled in his studies and for this, in that last month, the rabbis with whom he was studying, honored him in a ceremony naming him a maggid. Maggid in Hebrew means: a teacher or storyteller.
It is an honor that is rarely bestowed to a layperson and Rob was indeed honored. He had won many awards including two Emmys and a Peabody award for journalism but this was the acknowledgement of which he was most proud. At that ceremony, our family and friends listened as Rob spoke of how generations ago a person’s character seemed to be so important, and that today no one talks about character. Rob had character. He was the most decent person I have ever known.
That last month, we had another ceremony at our home. For a long time Rob had wanted some formal acknowledgement of our love. I’d had no interest in emulating a tradition that had never welcomed me. But one night, that last month, I looked at Rob’s body in the bed and decided I wanted to marry him. He was so riddled with pain that there was a moan coming from him that seemed disconnected, as if his body was screaming but not his soul. He once described the pain as a beehive in his brain with thousands of killer bees swarming and stinging him from within.
I wanted to give him this gift. And so, before our closest friends, family, our dogs and our doctors, we stood on our deck and celebrated our love for each other. Not a commitment ceremony really, for the commitment had been made many years before. Rob was frail and had trouble standing that Sunday, and yet his face radiated enormous power and strength. His eyes were present and filled with tears of joy.
He died exactly one month to the day with the gold band on his bony finger that matched the one on mine. He was 41.
That last month seems nonlinear. The events are jumbled up. Extraordinary moments of profound joy mix with unbearably painful ones. I didn’t only lose Rob that last month. I also said goodbye to Paul Monette, my beloved friend and fellow warrior, who died with his icy, yellow hand sandwiched between mine.
For many seasons past, Paul and I talked almost daily, sharing our anger and comparing our t-cells. For 10 years we ran neck and neck, only in this race the winner comes in last. There was no room for anything or anyone that was not directly connected to Rob’s care. Even mourning Paul’s death had to wait.
As our world became narrower, Rob’s world of learning, teaching, and touching people seemed to expand. I often think of him sitting at the dining room table with our Guatemalan housekeeper Dani. Her husband had forbid her to go to school to improve her English. Rob offered to teach her, which he did until a week before he died, his patience vying with his pain.
One of the things I so admired in Rob was his total lack of classism. I came home one day and overheard Rob on the telephone explaining to the person on the other end how in American English it was common for certain words to have an opposite definition such as cool and hot, and yet in certain circumstances, they mean the same thing.
“People could say that something was very cool as in ‘that song is very cool’ or “that song is really hot” and mean the same thing. I assumed that Rob was talking to Dani continuing one of his lessons. When he got off the phone I said, “how is Dani?” He said,“oh, that was not Dani, it was Prince Charles.” I sadly thought Rob’s previous dementia had returned and as upsetting that was to me, I just let it go.
The next day Rob mentioned how nice it was for Prince Charles to call. With further inquiry I discovered that Rob actually had been talking to the Prince. Rob had done a story about architecture when producing news for CBS. He had interviewed Prince Charles at Highgrove House, his country estate. They had kept up a correspondence and a friendship and when Charles had called Rob at CBS, he was informed of Rob’s condition and called him to wish him well.
I remember Rob used to laugh when he told the story about being left alone in a room at Highgrove, which evidently had hundreds of Faberge eggs just sitting on tables with no security. I thought it was odd that Rob did not pick one up and put it in his pocket but Rob was much too ethical to do that. I viewed it more like taking an ashtray from a hotel. What I thought was cool (and hot) was that Rob did not differentiate how he spoke whether it was to a housekeeper or to British royalty. That was just part of who Rob was. The fact that Rob never made a big deal about his friendship with Prince Charles from before he and I met, was just one more example of his genuine modesty and humbleness.
That last month, Rob was diagnosed with a fungal infection that was literally eating through his sinuses to the bones surrounding his brain. His physical pain was extraordinary and only slightly helped by morphine.
Morphine frightened both of us. It frightened Rob because he so hated the feeling of being disconnected to the very life at which he was clutching and marveling. His inability to study and meditate made the spiritual pain of being on the drug as bad as the physical pain of not. It frightened me because it dulled the bright life force that shone in his eyes.
Rob began losing his vision that last month before he died. He could not see out but I could see in.
That last month I took a photo of Rob in the desert. I look at it often. He is standing next to an also decrepit cactus, both looking up at the sky. Rob is beaming with unlimited joy and the desert bright, washed out light seems to be originating from within him rather than from the sun. Most of the time when I look at the picture, my tears blur my vision, but not my memory of his eyes. Still, that is where he is.
a&e features
Looking back at the 10 biggest A&E stories of 2025
‘Wicked,’ Lady Gaga’s new era, ‘Sexy’ Bailey and more
Although 2025 was a year marked by countless attacks on trans rights and political setbacks, the year also saw brilliant queer artists continuing to create art. From Cannes and Sundance Award winners now vying for Oscar consideration to pop icons entering new stages of their careers, queer people persevered to tell their stories through different media.
With the state of the world so uncertain, perhaps there’s no more vital time to celebrate our wins, as seen through some of this year’s top pop culture moments. While there’s no collection of 10 stories that fully encompass “the most important” news, here are some events that got the gays going:
10. ‘Mysterious Gaze of the Flamingo’ wins big at Cannes
The Cannes Film Festival has become a crucial start for films hoping to make their way to the Oscars, and first-time director Diego Céspedes won the top Un Certain Regard prize for his intimate western “The Mysterious Gaze of the Flamingo.” The film is set in the ‘80s and is intended as an allegory for the AIDS epidemic. Seeing a film that unpacks vital queer history win one of the most coveted awards at Cannes has been a huge point of pride in the independent filmmaking community.
Since the film bowed at Cannes, it has been selected as Chile’s Oscar entry in the Best International Feature race. Speaking with The Blade during the film’s AFI Fest run in October, Céspedes said: At first, I was kind of scared to have this campaign position in the times that we’re living [in] here. But at the same time, I think the Oscars mean a huge platform — a huge platform for art and politics.”
9. ‘The Last of Us’ returns for an even gayer season 2
While the first season of The Last of Us gave us one of TV’s most heartbreaking queer love stories in the episode “Long, Long Time,” Season 2 doubled down on its commitment to queer storytelling with the blossoming relationship between Ellie (Bella Ramsey) and Dina (Isabela Merced). The show expanded on the pair’s relationship in the original video game, making it perhaps the central dynamic to the entire season. That unfortunately came with more homophobic backlash on the internet, but those who checked out all the episodes saw a tender relationship form amid the show’s post-apocalyptic, often violent backdrop. For their performance, Ramsey was once again nominated for an Emmy, but Merced deserved just as much awards attention.
8. ‘Emilia Pérez’ sparks controversy
Jacques Audiard’s genre-bending trans musical “Emilia Pérez” proved to be an awards season juggernaut this time last year, winning the Golden Globe for Best Musical/Comedy. But when the lead star Karla Sofia Gascón’s racist, sexist, and homophobic old tweets resurfaced, the film’s Oscar campaign became a tough sell, especially after Netflix had tried so hard to sell Emilia Pérez as the “progressive” film to vote for. Mind you, the film had already received significant backlash from LGBTQ+ audiences and the Mexican community for its stereotypical and reductive portrayals, but the Gascón controversy made what was originally just social media backlash impossible to ignore. The only person who seemed to come out of the whole debacle unscathed was Zoe Saldaña, who won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress over Ariana Grande.
7. ‘Sorry, Baby’ establishes Eva Victor as major talent
Back in January at the Sundance Film Festival, Eva Victor (known by many for her brand of sketch comedy) premiered their directorial debut “Sorry, Baby” to rave reviews, even winning the Waldo Salt Screening Award. Victor shadowed Jane Schoenbrun on the set of “I Saw the TV Glow,” and seeing Victor come into their own and establish such a strong voice immediately made them one of independent cinema’s most exciting new voices. A memorable scene in the film sees the main character, Agnes (played by Victor), struggling to check a box for male or female, just one example of how naturally queerness is woven into the fabric of the story.
Most recently, Victor was nominated for a Golden Globe for her performance in the film, and she’s represented in a category alongside Jennifer Lawrence (“Die My Love”), Jessie Buckley (“Hamnet”), Julia Roberts (“After the Hunt”), Renate Reinsve (“Sentimental Value”) and Tessa Thompson (“Hedda”). The film also received four Independent Spirit Award nominations overall.
6. Paul Reubens comes out in posthumous doc
While Paul Reubens never publicly came out as gay before passing away in 2023, the two-part documentary “Pee-wee as Himself” premiered back in May on HBO Max, giving the legendary comedian a chance to posthumously open up to the world. Directed by Matt Wolf, the documentary explores how Reubens found his alter ego Pee-Wee Herman and why he kept his private life private.
The documentary won an Emmy in the Outstanding Documentary or Nonfiction Special category and remains one of the most critically acclaimed titles of the year with a 100% Rotten Tomatoes score. Also worth noting, the National Geographic documentary Sally told the posthumous coming out story of Sally Ride through the help of her long-time partner, Tam O’Shaughnessy.
5. Lady Gaga releases ‘Mayhem’
Lady Gaga entered a new phase of her musical career with the release of Mayhem, her seventh album to date. From the frenzy-inducing pop hit Abracadabra to the memorable Bruno Mars duet featured on “Die With a Smile,” seeing Gaga return to her roots and make an album for the most die-hard of fans was especially rewarding after the underwhelming film releases of “House of Gucci” and “Joker: Folie à Deux.” Gaga has been touring with The Mayhem Ball since July, her first arena tour since 2018. She even extended her tour into 2026 with more North American dates, so the party isn’t stopping anytime soon. And Gaga is even set to make an appearance next May in “The Devil Wears Prada 2.”
4. Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande perform at the Oscars
While “Wicked: For Good” didn’t quite reach the heights of the first film, we will forever have Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande’s breathtaking live performance that opened the 97th Academy Awards. The pair sang a rendition of “Over the Rainbow,” “Home,” and “Defying Gravity,” paying proper homage to the original 1939 “Wizard of Oz.” Even non-Wicked fans can’t deny how magical and brilliantly staged this performance was. With both Erivo and Grande up for acting Oscars last year, they’re hoping to repeat success and make history with consecutive nominations. Either way, let’s hope there’s another live performance in the making, especially with two new original songs (The Girl in the Bubble and No Place Like Home) in the mix.
3. Indya Moore speaks out against Ryan Murphy
Indya Moore has consistently used social media as a platform for activism, and in September, posted a 30-minute Instagram live speaking out against “Pose” co-creator Ryan Murphy. Moore claimed that Murphy wasn’t being a true activist for trans people. “Ryan Murphy, we need you to do more. You need to address the racism, the violence, and the targeting of people on your productions, Ryan Murphy. You do need to make sure trans people are paid equally. Yes, Janet did the right thing,” Moore said. Murphy was also back in the headlines this year for the critically panned “All’s Fair” and the controversial “Monster: The Ed Gein Story” starring Laurie Metcalf and Charlie Hunnam.
2. Cole Escola wins Tony for Best Leading Actor
Few pop culture moments this year brought us together more than Cole Escola winning a Tony award for “Oh, Mary!” the Broadway show they created, wrote and starred in (we love a triple threat!) Escola made history by becoming the first nonbinary person to win a Tony in the leading actor category, and seeing them excitedly rush to the stage wearing a Bernadette Peters-inspired gown instantly became a viral social media moment.
The cherry on top of Escola’s major moment is the recent news that they are writing a Miss Piggy movie with Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Stone producing — news that also broke the internet for the better. We cannot wait!
1. Jonathan Bailey makes gay history as ‘Sexiest Man Alive’
The same year as his on-screen roles in blockbusters “Jurassic World Rebirth” and “Wicked: For Good,” Jonathan Bailey made history as the first openly gay man to be named People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive.” The fact that it took 40 years for an openly gay man to earn the title is a signifier of how far we still have to go with queer representation, and seeing Bailey celebrated is just one small step in the right direction.
“There’s so many people that want to do brilliant stuff who feel like they can’t,” he told PEOPLE, “and I know the LGBT sector is under immense threat at the moment. So it’s been amazing to meet people who have the expertise and see potential that I could have only dreamed of.” In 2024, Bailey founded the charity titled The Shameless Fund, which raises money for LGBTQ+ organizations.
a&e features
Your guide to D.C.’s queer New Year’s Eve parties
Ring in 2026 with drag, leather, Champagne, and more
With Christmas in the rear view mirror, we can turn our attention to ringing in a much-anticipated New Year with a slew of local LGBTQ parties. Here’s what’s on tap.
Pitchers
This spacious Adams Morgan bar is hosting the “Pitchers’ Perfect New Year’s Eve.” There will be a midnight Champagne toast, the ball drop on the big screens, and no cover, all night long. The bar doesn’t close until 4 a.m., and the kitchen will be open late (though not until close). All five floors will be open for the party, and party favors are promised.
Trade
D.C.’s hottest bar/club combo is leaning into the Shark motif with its NYE party, “Feeding Frenzy.” The party is a “glitterati-infused Naughty-cal New Year’s Even in the Shark Tank, where the boats are churning and the sharks are circling.” Trade also boasts no cover charge, with doors opening at 5 p.m. and the aforementioned Shark Tank opening at 9 p.m.. Four DJs will be spread across the two spaces; midnight hostess is played by Vagenesis and the two sea sirens sensuously calling are Anathema and Justin Williams.
Number Nine
While Trade will have two DJs as part of one party, Number Nine will host two separate parties, one on each floor. The first floor is classic Number Nine, a more casual-style event with the countdown on TVs and a Champagne midnight toast. There will be no cover and doors open at 5 p.m. Upstairs will be hosted by Capital Sapphics for its second annual NYE gathering. Tickets (about $50) include a midnight Champagne toast, curated drink menu, sapphic DJ set by Rijak, and tarot readings by Yooji.
Crush
Crush will kick off NYE with a free drag bingo at 8 p.m. for the early birds. Post-bingo, there will be a cover for the rest of the evening, featuring two DJs. The cover ($20 limited pre-sale that includes line skip until 11 p.m.; $25 at the door after 9 p.m.) includes one free N/A or Crush, a Champagne toast, and party favors (“the legal kind”). More details on Eventbrite.
Bunker
This subterranean lair is hosting a NYE party entitled “Frosted & Fur: Aspen After Dark New Year’s Eve Celebration.” Arriety from Rupaul Season 15 is set to host, with International DJ Alex Lo. Doors open at 9 p.m. and close at 3 p.m.; there is a midnight Champagne toast. Cover is $25, plus an optional $99 all-you-can-drink package.
District Eagle
This leather-focused bar is hosting “Bulge” for its NYE party. Each District Eagle floor will have its own music and vibe. Doors run from 7 p.m.-3 a.m. and cover is $15. There will be a Champagne toast at midnight, as well as drink specials during the event.
Kiki, Shakiki
Kiki and its new sister bar program Shakiki (in the old Shakers space) will have the same type of party on New Year’s Eve. Both bars open their doors at 5 p.m. and stay open until closing time. Both will offer a Champagne toast at midnight. At Kiki, DJ Vodkatrina will play; at Shakiki, it’ll be DJ Alex Love. Kiki keeps the party going on New Year’s Day, opening at 2 p.m., to celebrate Kiki’s fourth anniversary. There will be a drag show at 6 p.m. and an early 2000s dance party 4-8 p.m.
Spark
This bar and its new menu of alcoholic and twin N/A drinks will host a NYE party with music by DJ Emerald Fox. Given this menu, there will be a complimentary toast at midnight, guests can choose either sparkling wine with or without alcohol. No cover, but Spark is also offering optional wristbands at the door for $35 open bar 11 p.m.-1 a.m. (mid-shelf liquor & all NA drinks).
a&e features
Local, last-minute holiday gift ideas
Celebrate the season while supporting area businesses
The DowntownDC Holiday Market is bustling. Union Station is decked out with its annual Christmas tree. Washingtonians have wrapped their houses and apartment balconies with festive lights and holiday decorations. The holiday season is here. And with stockings to fill and empty space under the tree, Washington’s local shops and artists have plenty to offer.
Show your LGBTQ and D.C. pride with the Washington Blade’s annual holiday gift guide.
To embrace the holiday buzz: The Blanco Nwèl cocktail from Alchy Cocktails. This Caribbean eggnog is one of Alchy Cocktail’s seasonal holiday cocktails. The flavor profile is similar to coquito, a traditional Puerto Rican Christmas drink with a coconut base. As a queer and Caribbean-owned business, Alchy Cocktails has been based out of Washington since 2021. Blanco Nwèl is available in both cocktail ($24) and mocktail ($12) online and at a variety of holiday markets, including the Tingey Plaza Holiday Market, the Flea Market at Eastern Market, Union Station’s Main Hall Holiday Market, and more. ($24)
A spicy bite: Gordy’s Cajun Okra from Salt and Sundry. These spicy, tangy pickles pull on Southern Cajun-style flavors, packing a punch with paprika, cayenne, and more. Gordy’s is an LGBTQ-owned and Washington-based brand, making this gift an opportunity to support a local LGBTQ business straight from the jar. This pantry staple is available on Salt & Sundry’s website and at its locations in Union Market, Logan Circle, and its Georgetown holiday pop-up store. ($14)
To celebrate Washington pride: The DC Landmark Tote Bag from The Neighborgoods. Native Washingtonians, visitors, friends and family alike will find something to love about this Washington-themed tote bag. Food trucks, the 9:30 Club, the Metro logo and pandas from the National Zoo are just some of the city’s landmarks depicted across the tote in a red, white, and blue color palette. The tote is a part of the DC Landmarks collection, which donates 10 percent of its sales to the American Civil Liberties Union. The Neighborgoods itself is a local, woman-owned business built out of a passion for screen-printing in 2013. The 100 percent cotton canvas tote is for sale online or at the DowntownDC Holiday Market. ($22)
To give friends and family their flowers: The Flowers Bandana from All Very Goods. This 100 percent cotton bandana was designed in Washington and hand printed in India. Its uniqueness comes in being covered with the faces of Black women, representing a “love letter to all women but especially Black women,” according to All Very Goods. The Black woman-owned and operated business, based out of Northwest Washington, has a mission to celebrate diversity and representation through its products. The bandana intends to give Black women their “flowers.” The Flowers bandana is available for purchase online. ($24)
To unlock culinary creativity: The Curious Chef Gift Collection from Each Peach Market. This customizable collection of kitchen oddities — ranging from tinned fish to chili oil — is a quirky gift for the most inventive chefs. The collection is available in a Standard Santa, Extra Goodies and Super Holiday Size for up to $165. The Washington-based market, founded in 2013, permits customers to make the collection special by specifying what unique ingredients are packaged, including products made by local or LGBTQ brands. Each Peach Market offers assembly and pick up in-person at its Mount Pleasant shop and also offers local delivery and nationwide shipping via its website. ($85)
To give a touch of sweetness: The DC Landmark Chocolate Covered Oreo Holiday Cookies from Capital Candy Jar. Wrapped in a festive red bow, this box of nine cookies embraces love for Washington and the holiday season in one. Among the dark and milk chocolate covered cookies are images of the U.S. Capitol, the White House, the Lincoln Memorial, the Jefferson Memorial and festive hollies. The treat, packaged in a Hill East facility just a few blocks from the Capitol, is available for purchase online and at the DowntownDC Holiday Market. ($23.95)
To celebrate queer gaming: Thirsty Sword Lesbians from Labyrinth Games & Puzzles. This roleplaying game embraces lesbian culture by unlocking a world of swords, romance, and battle. Ideal for group settings, the book presents a system of world building and character identities that are best brought to life by creative minds. Labyrinth, which has been a local Washington business for more than 15 years, celebrates non-digital fun through games and puzzles that connect the community. This gift is offered online and at Labyrinth’s Capitol Hill location. ($29.99)
To make a bold statement: The “Resist” T-shirt from Propper Topper. This locally screen-printed black tee features the Washington flag designed within a raised fist, symbolizing both Washington pride, and political resistance. The shirt is made exclusively by Propper Topper, a local Washington business that evolved from a hat shop to a gift store since opening in 1990. The tri-blend unisex shirt is available both for pickup at Propper Topper’s Cathedral Heights location and shipping via the online site. ($32)
To keep it c(g)lassy: The Glass Ball earrings from Blue Moon Aquarius. Gifting can rarely go wrong when it comes to a new pair of earrings. The unique statement earrings — made of polymer clay, glass, and 18k gold plating over surgical steel — are hand cut, sanded and assembled in Washington, meaning each set is unique. Blue Moon Aquarius, a local brand, is known for its small batch jewelry and home decor designed with clay materials. Available in oxblood, hunter green, lavender, and bluestone color palettes, these earrings are available for purchase on Blue Moon Aquarius’ website and at the DowntownDC Holiday Market. ($48)
To elevate a holiday tea or charcuterie party: The Honey Flight: Tea Lover’s Selection from BannerBee. This local honey company presents the ideal gift to make cozying up with a cup of tea slightly more special. The Honey Flight contains three types of raw wildflower honey infused with fair trade Ugandan vanilla bean, chai spices, and locally sourced lemon thyme herb. The gift is also an opportunity to uplift a family company based in the Mid-Atlantic that offers all-natural, sustainable products. The flight is available online, at the DowntownDC Holiday Market or at the Arlington Courthouse and Dupont Farmers’ Markets. ($36)
For Baltimore shoppers: If you’re in Charm City, don’t miss Balston Mercantile, opened by a gay couple in June. Their gorgeous shop in the Hampden neighborhood offers an array of unique, upscale finds, from barware and artwork to cookbooks and home decor and more. (849 W. 36th St.)
