a&e features
Losing a lover to AIDS
My years with Rob are how I measure time now
Gary Barton was an actor and former senior vice president of production at Walt Disney Co. In 1992, along with his partner Rob Hershman and Congresswoman Maxine Waters, he won the Leadership Award from AIDS ACTION in Washington. (Photo from Barton’s Facebook page)
That last month, I could look only in his eyes, for that is where he was. His face was covered with raw open sores. His gray translucent skin was stretched tautly from bone to bone. He had become a body with which I had no history.
When I got scared, I held him in my arms and stared into his eyes. They were clear and beautiful and familiar. That is where we connected now.
That last month I remember as snapshots of black and gray. Even the blood Rob bled, in my memory, lacks color. Time is distorted and that month seems much longer than a month is. I can still feel myself pushing away certain memories.
It has been years since Rob died and the black flashes stay a little longer now, and very slowly, like a photograph coming up in a darkroom tray, I begin to see the memory develop and fix. When I met Rob, he was beginning to lose weight. I watched him chart his unexplained fevers daily.
A friend commented that he thought I was courageous to get involved with someone who was beginning to get sick. Courage had nothing to do with it. I knew after spending a few weeks with Rob, that this was the man I would allow myself to love and with more difficulty, allow to love me. I committed to make the journey of my life with him, not knowing where it would lead. It was quite simply, the wisest decision I ever made.
My years with Rob are how I measure time now. Everything else comes either before or after.
The differences between Rob and me were considerable. Rob was very well read and graduated magna cum laude from Harvard. I barely made it through high school. Rob was compulsive about neatness and order. I would leave my clothes in a pile where I removed them. I had been living on my own since I was 17 and had developed street smarts that Rob never did.
In fact, he never stopped being naive. But instead of allowing these differences to become a wedge, we learned from each other because of them.
Three years before he died, Rob told me he needed to pursue a spiritual path to deal with what he knew was in store for him. He decided, having been born a Jew, that he would study the Torah. Up until then, he had no particular religious connection with Judaism, but like many Jews, he had a strong cultural bond.
In typical fashion, he excelled in his studies and for this, in that last month, the rabbis with whom he was studying, honored him in a ceremony naming him a maggid. Maggid in Hebrew means: a teacher or storyteller.
It is an honor that is rarely bestowed to a layperson and Rob was indeed honored. He had won many awards including two Emmys and a Peabody award for journalism but this was the acknowledgement of which he was most proud. At that ceremony, our family and friends listened as Rob spoke of how generations ago a person’s character seemed to be so important, and that today no one talks about character. Rob had character. He was the most decent person I have ever known.
That last month, we had another ceremony at our home. For a long time Rob had wanted some formal acknowledgement of our love. I’d had no interest in emulating a tradition that had never welcomed me. But one night, that last month, I looked at Rob’s body in the bed and decided I wanted to marry him. He was so riddled with pain that there was a moan coming from him that seemed disconnected, as if his body was screaming but not his soul. He once described the pain as a beehive in his brain with thousands of killer bees swarming and stinging him from within.
I wanted to give him this gift. And so, before our closest friends, family, our dogs and our doctors, we stood on our deck and celebrated our love for each other. Not a commitment ceremony really, for the commitment had been made many years before. Rob was frail and had trouble standing that Sunday, and yet his face radiated enormous power and strength. His eyes were present and filled with tears of joy.
He died exactly one month to the day with the gold band on his bony finger that matched the one on mine. He was 41.
That last month seems nonlinear. The events are jumbled up. Extraordinary moments of profound joy mix with unbearably painful ones. I didn’t only lose Rob that last month. I also said goodbye to Paul Monette, my beloved friend and fellow warrior, who died with his icy, yellow hand sandwiched between mine.
For many seasons past, Paul and I talked almost daily, sharing our anger and comparing our t-cells. For 10 years we ran neck and neck, only in this race the winner comes in last. There was no room for anything or anyone that was not directly connected to Rob’s care. Even mourning Paul’s death had to wait.
As our world became narrower, Rob’s world of learning, teaching, and touching people seemed to expand. I often think of him sitting at the dining room table with our Guatemalan housekeeper Dani. Her husband had forbid her to go to school to improve her English. Rob offered to teach her, which he did until a week before he died, his patience vying with his pain.
One of the things I so admired in Rob was his total lack of classism. I came home one day and overheard Rob on the telephone explaining to the person on the other end how in American English it was common for certain words to have an opposite definition such as cool and hot, and yet in certain circumstances, they mean the same thing.
“People could say that something was very cool as in ‘that song is very cool’ or “that song is really hot” and mean the same thing. I assumed that Rob was talking to Dani continuing one of his lessons. When he got off the phone I said, “how is Dani?” He said,“oh, that was not Dani, it was Prince Charles.” I sadly thought Rob’s previous dementia had returned and as upsetting that was to me, I just let it go.
The next day Rob mentioned how nice it was for Prince Charles to call. With further inquiry I discovered that Rob actually had been talking to the Prince. Rob had done a story about architecture when producing news for CBS. He had interviewed Prince Charles at Highgrove House, his country estate. They had kept up a correspondence and a friendship and when Charles had called Rob at CBS, he was informed of Rob’s condition and called him to wish him well.
I remember Rob used to laugh when he told the story about being left alone in a room at Highgrove, which evidently had hundreds of Faberge eggs just sitting on tables with no security. I thought it was odd that Rob did not pick one up and put it in his pocket but Rob was much too ethical to do that. I viewed it more like taking an ashtray from a hotel. What I thought was cool (and hot) was that Rob did not differentiate how he spoke whether it was to a housekeeper or to British royalty. That was just part of who Rob was. The fact that Rob never made a big deal about his friendship with Prince Charles from before he and I met, was just one more example of his genuine modesty and humbleness.
That last month, Rob was diagnosed with a fungal infection that was literally eating through his sinuses to the bones surrounding his brain. His physical pain was extraordinary and only slightly helped by morphine.
Morphine frightened both of us. It frightened Rob because he so hated the feeling of being disconnected to the very life at which he was clutching and marveling. His inability to study and meditate made the spiritual pain of being on the drug as bad as the physical pain of not. It frightened me because it dulled the bright life force that shone in his eyes.
Rob began losing his vision that last month before he died. He could not see out but I could see in.
That last month I took a photo of Rob in the desert. I look at it often. He is standing next to an also decrepit cactus, both looking up at the sky. Rob is beaming with unlimited joy and the desert bright, washed out light seems to be originating from within him rather than from the sun. Most of the time when I look at the picture, my tears blur my vision, but not my memory of his eyes. Still, that is where he is.
a&e features
Rainbows in Revolt on a mission to make LGBTQ artists’ voices heard
Rainbows in Revolt on a mission to make LGBTQ artists’ voices heard
Last month’s Pride celebration in D.C. was so fun. Walking around my first Capital Pride with a $15 lemonade I was loving the madness and the color. Artists and small businesses battling banks you’ve never heard of collecting your personal information so you can spin a wheel to snag free merch. Great music blaring, people actually smiling and enjoying themselves, the “Great” American State Fair could never!
The Monument Stage was on Pennsylvania Avenue, directly in front of the National Gallery of Art and I can’t think of a better venue to see live music. How does someone get on the lineup for Pride? How do we accelerate the visibility of the most talented voices in our community to perform in places like this?
There is certainly not a talent gap, but there is a visibility gap. Chappell Roan went from playing for two people in a parking lot to owning the main stage at Coachella in one year. Whether it is shadowbanning or bias in AI, algorithms have been shown to suppress queer artists. In a digital age, how can queer people break through and show the world how talented they are?
Allison and Matt of Rainbows in Revolt are on a mission to make openly LGBTQ+ artists’ voices heard. Their goal is to find “musicians whose queerness is central to their identity as an artist,” and accelerate them to a place where they can actually reach fans.
The only time queer events seem to be in the spotlight is June, but this should be year round, according to Allison and Matt. Rainbows in Revolt wants to act as a “nucleus” for different sub-communities, finding common ground in the universal language of music.
Matt and Allison founded Rainbows as a way to make cheaper, higher quality merchandise for queer artists. While Rainbows has already pledged 20% of their profits to the LGBTQ+ community, with 10% to Whitman-Walker Health and 10% to LGBTQ+ organizations in need, this is just the beginning of the work that they do.
Rainbows “does the dirty work” that artists normally struggle to do on their own with limited resources. Interviews, artist profiles, social promotion, playlist discovery, radio outreach, and merch-funded support. This work is normally expensive, time consuming, and requires lots of different skills. Musicians don’t want to be editing clips to post online. Standup comedians don’t want to make graphics for their tour dates. They want to write more. They want to focus on their craft.
In addition to helping artists find their audience, Rainbows has built other digital tools to help queer people connect, including an interactive Safe Space Map for most major cities. It is hard to know which places are truly safe and supportive just from a simple Google search. Attitudes and actions change, and there should be a simple way for queer people to find other places that align with them. The Safe Spaces Maps are all up to date, and are tagged and filterable. Instead of relying on forums and word of mouth, Rainbows has created a centralized way to find authentic community quickly.
I had a chance to talk with Allison and Matt at Pride where Lily Erin, one of their signature artists, was performing on the Monument stage. Lily Erin is a folk singer who is familiar and forging her own path. Her bittersweet sound echoes through Acadia, and her garb mirrors the New England athletes I grew up with. Gorp Core meets streetwear. A graphic tee, hiking shorts, and creamsicle Jordans.
Her debut single, “Bus Stop,” tells a sad story about unconditional love, and the conditions that still seem to come with it. Graduating into lockdown, Erin needed a new way to connect with herself and others. Lily made “Bus Stop” without an intention to share it, but doing so was a liberation. People have been responding to her honesty around queer-ness, family, and the “ghosts which haunt us” even in the daytime.
Rainbows in Revolt has helped Lily Erin go from bars and backyards to The Monument Stage at Pride. This is a meteoric rise, and a testament to both Erin’s talent and the work of Rainbows to promote her. “A little encouragement goes a long way with early artists,” and by “planting a seed” Rainbows is already seeing their artist garden grow. Community is power, and Erin is a perfect example of how effective simple modern techniques of promotion can be.
A next step for Rainbows is putting on shows themselves. On Oct. 3, Rainbows in Revolt will host an Evening with Ray Boltz at the National City Christian Church. Boltz grew up in the Catholic Church and for many years was the soundtrack to many services, youth camps, and church groups. He was celebrated by millions until he came out in 2008. Allison remembers her community “never playing his music again.”
Rainbows in Revolt is helping him to return to the church, and proving that identity does not need to be exclusive. We live in a complicated world with complicated lines being drawn. Boltz proves that these lines don’t exist, and will be breaking down barriers to bring together communities. To Allison, “a trans woman standing next to a straight white man in church is a powerful teacher.”
The Safe Space maps bridge all types of spaces, and one of the unlikely ones is, perhaps, churches. Matt said that “BYU has only nine safe spaces around their campus and seven of them are churches.” Not all churches are anti-gay, and many times they are the only place for people to find community.
Rainbows in Revolt is just getting started bridging gaps and building community.
a&e features
Summer in the City: Free exhibits, movies, more fill D.C.’s calendar
America 250 celebrations continue
From late-night museum visits and outdoor jazz concerts to free movie screenings and America250 exhibitions, Washington’s summer calendar is packed with events that don’t charge admission. Here’s a look at some of the free activities happening across the District through September and beyond.
Museum exhibitions
The Renwick Gallery is presenting State Fairs: Growing American Craft, an exhibition that looks at unique and unconventional crafts from the 19th century to the present. It will run until Sept. 7, and admission is free.
The Arts and Industries Building, located next to the Smithsonian Castle, is presenting the exhibition Voices and Votes: Exploring Democracy Across America. The exhibition features the development of American independence and what that has meant over time, beginning with the Revolutionary War. Admission to the museum is free, and the exhibition runs until Sept. 7.
The National Gallery of Art presents Dear America, an exhibit featuring more than 100 pieces of work, including letters, photographs, and drawings that depict American landscapes and depictions of freedom. The exhibition will run until Sept. 20.
The National Museum of Women in the Arts is exhibiting Burnished: Pueblo Pottery until Sept. 27. The exhibit features pottery from the Southwest, and while most of the pottery belongs to women artists, a few also reflect those who have advocated for women.
Extending past this summer, the exhibition ¡Puro Ritmo! The Musical Journey of Salsa will be at the National Museum of the American Latino until July 2028. The exhibition shows how Afro-Cuban music has become a staple in the U.S. Admission is free.
The Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial Library will feature the exhibition District Vibes / American Pride: How DC Changed American Culture, which will highlight all of the ways D.C. has impacted American life. The exhibit will run until Sept. 27.
At the Folger Shakespeare Library, the exhibit Imagining Shakespeare: Mythmaking and Storytelling in the Regency Era will be on view through Aug. 2. All the portraits on display come from the Boydell Shakespeare Gallery in London.
The United States Botanic Garden will be open until 8 p.m. on Aug. 20 and Sept. 17, as part of America’s State Flowers: An America250 Celebration. The evenings will include live music, mocktails, ice cream, and snacks.
The National Gallery of Art Sculpture Garden will have extended hours, staying open until 8 p.m. Wednesday to Saturday until Sept. 3.
Live performances
On Aug. 7, the postgame Nationals concert series will continue with Jordan Davis performing. To see the concert, guests just need to buy tickets to the Nationals game.
Jazz in the Garden will run each Friday until Aug. 14. The event has free admission, but those interested have to enter a lottery due to the high demand for the event.
From May to October, Capital Harvest Market occurs every Wednesday from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center. The market features fresh foods, crafts, and recipes for unique dishes. A full list of vendors is available on Capital Harvest’s website.
Live! Concert Series on the Plaza will feature live performances at Woodrow Wilson Plaza until Sept. 25. The performances run Monday to Friday from 12-1 p.m. Admission is free to the performances.
DowntownDC Live! at Anthem Row is running until July 30, with free performances every Thursday from 5:30 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. The final performance will feature HUE and a vintage flea market hosted by Get Flee Marketplace.
Located in Adams Morgan, AdMo Vibe will present live performances every Thursday at 6 p.m. in Kalorama Park. Guests are encouraged to check out Adams Morgan before and after shows, and it is an event for all ages.
Other events
Union Market is hosting drive-in movies on Aug. 8, featuring “Monsters, Inc.”, and Sept. 12, featuring “Wicked.” On Aug. 8, the parking lot will open at 7:30 p.m., with the movie starting at 8:25 p.m. On Sept. 12, the parking lot will open at 6:35 p.m., and the movie will start at 7:30 p.m.
Sunset Cinema at the Wharf will also be available one day a month. On Aug. 12, “10 Things I Hate About You” will premiere, and on Aug. 26, “Project Hail Mary.” No tickets are necessary.
The Library of Congress will also show movies. On Aug. 6, guests are invited to watch “Apollo 13.” The movie will be shown at 8 p.m., with additional live performances beginning at 7 p.m.
For fans of Asian media, the Okaton convention will be at Walter E. Washington Convention Center from July 31-Aug. 2. Festivities will include cosplay contests, skits, live music, and panel discussions.
Washington Spirit’s season also begins in August. The Spirit is Washington’s National Women’s League, with matchups occurring between the San Diego Wave, the North Carolina Courage, the Orlando Pride, and the Bay FC.
a&e features
Summer in D.C. brings sports, Restaurant Week, festivals, and more
Summer in D.C. just hits different. Congress is out, school is out, the sun is out, thighs are out. With the skies clearing from Canadian smoke, here are a few ways to stay entertained.
Dining
Summer restaurant week: The Restaurant Association of Metropolitan Washington (RAMW) is once again hosting Summer Restaurant Week, Aug. 18-24. This weeklong dining experience showcases the dynamic dining scene of the DMV, including 2026 RAMMY Award-winning favorites (the annual D.C. food awards show that took place June 29). Participating restaurants will offer three-course brunch and lunch selections for $25 or $35 per person, and three-course dinners for $40, $55 and $65 per person.
New Restaurants: A handful of new spots have opened, so the summer is a great time to check them out:
- Oribu: A new Mediterranean-Japanese restaurant in the Grand Hyatt hotel, which just underwent a remodeling effort. The sleek restaurant brings upscale charm, with dishes like Wagyu beef tartare with potato pavé and caviar.
- The Oak Room: A snazzy old-school American grill has just opened in Georgetown, alongside its sister upstairs supper club (Bernadette’s) restaurant, in the old El Centro space.
- Uchi: This showy Japanese sushi-forward chain has landed in Dupont with a chef’s tasting menu of favorites like fatty tuna.
- Kathmandu: Recalling the capital of Nepal, this warm, buzzy subterranean restaurant right in the heart of U Street brings spice, flair, and rare ingredients to its dishes (see: buffalo burgers) and drinks.
Sports
- Washington Spirit Pride Night OUT: On Sunday, Aug. 23, head to Audi Field for a massive, high-energy game following the exciting month of World Cup. The designated Pride Night OUT game promises boisterous crowds plus pre- and post-game community engagements.
- Washington Tennis Open – Now called the Mubadala DC Open, this annual tournament is only combined mens’ and womens’ 500-level tennis tournament in the world. The open is one of D.C.’s longest-standing sports traditions, and will take place at the Rock Creek Park Tennis Center July 25-Aug. 2. Naomi Osaka, Venus Williams, Ben Shelton, Frances Tiafoe, and others are expected to play.
Festivals
- Afro Plus Fest: This huge, three-day Afro-Caribbean Hip-Hop Festival brings together headliners Davido, Alkaline, and Wizkid, plus Tems and Ayra Starr. The event moves from RFK to the Northwest Stadium Complex for three days, Sept. 4-6.
- Capital Fringe Festival: Running from July 11-21, this massive celebration features dozens of live theater, comedy, dance, and boundary-pushing nighttime performances across multiple DC neighborhoods.
- The National Book Festival returns, with headliners like Cynthia Erivo, and Martin Scorsese. The one-day festival, Saturday, Aug. 22, brings together bookworms and word nerds under the theme “America 250: It’s Your Story.” There are talks, workshops, musical sessions and more.
- All Things Go: A three-day festival Sept. 25-27 at Merriweather Post Pavilion featuring Mitski, Hayley Williams, Brandi Carlile, MUNA, Zara Larsson, Ethel Cain, and many, many more artists. There are single-day and three-day tickets. Featuring and highlighting female artists, the festival has turned into a must-see for many LGBTQ audience members.
- Fuchsia Fest: The inaugural Fuchsia Fest is a new multi-day celebration created to celebrate LGBTQ community and expression, bringing together a mix of community gatherings, entertainment, and nightlife. The event takes place Sept. 18-20 and is hosted by Capital Pride.
Art and Music
- United We Dance: A high-energy rave with house, techno, bass, and festival music, on Aug. 1 at the 9:30 Club.
- The Fray. On Aug. 14, this American rock band famous for How To Save A Life is at Merriweather Post Pavilion.
- Kesha: Kesha’s high-energy The Freedom Tour comes to the D.C. area on Aug. 14 at Jiffy Lube Live.
- ALOK: On Sept. 3 at Lincoln Theater, ALOK (they/them) performs. The poet, comedian, and actor is putting on a new comedy show.
- 2charm, the emerging Australian electronic club-pop duo popular with the queer community, which blends hyperpop and dance music, comes to the Atlantis.
- Sapphic Dance Party: a vibrant, inclusive nightlife and social event designed specifically for queer women, lesbians, bisexuals, trans individuals, and nonbinary folks, at Atlantis on Aug. 21.
- Jazz in the Garden: The most quintessential of D.C. activities returns Friday evenings through Aug. 14. This season’s theme, “American Sounds,” is a nod to the nation’s 250th anniversary. Tunes themes range from Appalachian and Americana to Creole jazz, Hill Country blues, contemporary jazz, and more. Tickets are available through a lottery system a week before each event.
Same-sex couples challenges India income tax law
HISTORIC: Susan Stewart elected Rehoboth’s first out mayor
Todd Blanche’s record on LGBTQ issues comes under scrutiny as he takes over DOJ
Don’t miss summer productions at Clear Space in Rehoboth Beach
PHOTOS: World Pride March
Greg Araki still wants your sex
Calendar: August 7-13
Insured on paper, excluded in practice
Mr. Henry’s to host 60th anniversary party
