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How to talk — and not talk — about PrEP and HIV

Revealing an ex’s status at holiday party a no-no

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HIV status, Pre-exposure prophylaxis, non-daily PrEP, Truvada, domestic violence, AIDS drugs, PrEP, gay news, Washington Blade

Even if someone isn’t positive, there seems to be a bit of slut-shaming and uneasiness around the use of PrEP.

How many Christmas parties did you attend last season? If you are a gay man in the District, that could be five or more — a weekend.

We are a social people. At one such party at a townhome near Capitol Hill, dozens and dozens of gay men came and went, drifted through rooms with cocktails in hand, exchanged kisses and holiday greetings. I was standing in a circle chatting with some guys, some I knew, others I didn’t. And as one man said his goodbyes and left the party, someone in my little circle turned to us all, leaned in and said, “we dated for a bit. . .but I honestly couldn’t get over his HIV status.”

I was left gobsmacked to say the least. I believe my initial response I mumbled under my breath was something akin to, “what the fuck. . .” Uncool. To talk openly about the health of others is certainly an invasion of their privacy. To talk openly about someone and HIV without their knowledge adds another layer of stigma and shame.

I was left wondering what I should have said and done, other than just standing there blinking. I talked to my friend Julio Fonseca, Program Manager at AIDS United. According to Julio, this sort of situation is sadly not uncommon. Gay men still, after all these years, have yet to adopt a healthy way of discussing, positive or negative, HIV status. As Julio mentioned, “it’s not 1984 anymore.” There’s nothing automatic attached to HIV as there once was. He reminded me that even the federal government has gone on the record to say that undetectable equals untransmittable. He also pointed me to a number of resources on how to talk more effectively about HIV with others. Did you know that the CDC has a whole Start Talking, Stop HIV page that has actual conversation starters that aren’t lame and sterile?

Even if someone isn’t positive, there seems to be a bit of slut-shaming and uneasiness around the use of PrEP. I’ve had a number of women tell me that the way gay men talk about PrEP and HIV prevention is very similar to the way some talked about “the pill” decades ago, that there’s somehow something shameful in taking responsible steps to safeguard one’s personal health. Some women have recounted hearing, “Oh you’re on the pill, I guess that makes you promiscuous, right?” Sub in PrEP for the pill and I’m sure a number of gay men have heard something similar. (Incidentally, one woman said she responded with, “Yes, I am but at least I’m taking care of myself.”)

As the #MeToo movement has exposed, there are many men, then and now, that have acted out of malice and hurt toward women. Also, there are certainly a lot of men out there that didn’t realize their words and actions were wrong. Did the person know that outing another’s HIV status was wrong? Was he acting out of spite? Maybe not. Frankly he probably doesn’t even remember. That’s how casual it all was. But going forward, there has got to be a better way of talking about status. Even at a crowded holiday party.

 

Brock Thompson is a D.C.-based writer. He contributes regularly to the Blade.

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TRAITOR: Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent has blood on his hands

Nation’s highest-ranking gay public official is a MAGA sell out

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Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

It’s an odd dichotomy: President Trump appoints the highest-ranking openly gay government official in history in Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, yet he launches cruel attacks on transgender Americans. 

Make no mistake: Those attacks are claiming lives. Trans people are killing themselves. I know of one trans person who died by suicide on Election Night, overwhelmed by fear of the incoming administration. Trump’s attacks have driven trans Americans and their families to flee the country and move to Canada, as the Blade has reported. 

None of this is hypothetical or melodramatic. It’s real life and happening everywhere. 

And so when Bessent was confirmed as Treasury Secretary, I wrote an op-ed urging him to educate Trump about the plight of trans Americans and the destructiveness of the attacks on the community. I waited 90 days for some sign that Bessent has a heart or at least a modicum of decency but sadly, I must report that he does not. 

The attacks on the LGBTQ community under Trump keep coming. Last week’s news that the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services is planning to retire the national 988 crisis lifeline for LGBTQ youth on Oct. 1 is just the latest evidence that this administration doesn’t just dislike us — they want us dead.

“Ending the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline’s LGBTQ+ youth specialized services will not just strip away access from millions of LGBTQ+ kids and teens — it will put their lives at risk,” Trevor Project CEO Jaymes Black said in a statement.

The service for LGBTQ youth has received 1.3 million calls, texts, or chats since its debut, with an average of 2,100 contacts per day in February.

Make no mistake: cutting this service will kill young LGBTQ people.

Just a couple of weeks earlier, Trump’s administration announced the Office of Infectious Disease and HIV/AIDS Policy would be gutted. 

“In a matter of just a couple days, we are losing our nation’s ability to prevent HIV,” said HIV+Hepatitis Policy Institute Executive Director Carl Schmid.

And prior to that, Trump issued a series of executive orders targeting the trans community — restricting access to affirming healthcare, banning trans service members from the military, barring trans women and girls from playing sports, eliminating the “X” gender marker on passports, and barring students assigned male at birth from using women’s restrooms.  

Let’s be very clear: When you deny someone the ability to use the bathroom, you deny their humanity.

So back to Scott Bessent, the billionaire hedge fund manager now running our economy into the ground. As many Trump protesters have noted: silence is complicity. And Bessent has been silent on all of these horrific attacks on trans Americans and their basic humanity. He is spineless and a traitor to the LGBTQ community. 

Bessent runs the U.S. Treasury and reportedly has Trump’s ear on all matters related to the economy. He could easily push Trump in a better, more compassionate direction, yet there is no evidence he has done that. 

“The LGBTQ+ community is counting on openly LGBTQ+ nominees like Scott Bessent to step up for the community,” said Human Rights Campaign President Kelley Robinson after the inauguration. Sadly, it’s become clear we cannot count on Bessent. As I wrote in January, Trump likes his queer people gay, white, cis, rich, and obedient. 

Bessent has ignored the Blade’s interview requests. (And after this is published, I have no illusions he will change his mind.) The mainstream media, increasingly cowed by Trump, have failed to ask Bessent even the most basic questions about his views on trans equality and Trump’s attacks. 

As a member of the LGBTQ community, Bessent has a responsibility to at least speak up on behalf of trans people who are suffering. But Republicans today have lost their spines. They genuflect before their Dear Leader, line their own pockets, and leave the rest of us to deal with the consequences. 

The crisis is real. People are dying. Trans people especially are suffering. The rest of us must do what we can to mitigate that suffering and to speak out in defense of our trans friends. 


Kevin Naff is editor of the Washington Blade. Reach him at [email protected].

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Congressional Equality Caucus should participate in WorldPride

Make bold statement about our commitment to LGBTQ rights

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(Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

The Trump administration, by its actions, has already hurt WorldPride. By attacking trans people, they have gotten many nations to suggest to trans citizens they not come to the United States. Canada’s queer group has said it is advising its people not to come. It is sad in so many ways. But despite what the felon in the White House is doing, WorldPride will be a success. It can be a time to not only have fun, but to make a point to the administration and the world. What was the old saying, “We’re here, we’re queer, and we’re not going anywhere, so get used to it.”  The LGBTQ community in the United States has made great strides since Stonewall in 1969, and there is no way we are going back into the closet. 

One way we can make a strong statement is if every member of the Congressional Equality Caucus would come out and join hands with constituents from their state, who are coming to D.C. for WorldPride. Together, they can take a stand for equality. Together, they can make a statement about our country to the world; that the United States values and supports its LGBTQ community. 

This year from May 17-June, we are anticipating huge crowds in Washington, D.C. for WorldPride. Let us together make sure they are all safe and that they have an exciting and fun time while here. But at the same time we should use this gathering to speak out, for our community here, and the LGBTQ community around the world. 

We must show the felon in the White House, and his MAGA acolytes in Congress, and around the nation, all those who would keep us down, we can, and will, stand up for ourselves. We are only willing to move one way, and that is forward toward full equality. Many years ago, during the early fight for recognition of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, there was an event staged by the group ACT UP, called ‘hands around the White House.’ It is time to stage something like that again. 

With all the attacks on the trans community, and as threats to the entire LGBTQ community continue, we need to stand together, and stay strong. We need to join with everyone else who is fighting back against the felon, and his Nazi sympathizing co-president, in the White House. To join in the demonstrations, fight back, and not fall for the distractions meant to take us from our goals. Those goals must include defeating every Republican in elections in 2025, and taking back Congress in 2026. I say every Republican, only because today there is no longer a rational Republican Party. That party has become a MAGA Party, or ‘Cult of Trump.’ That is sad, but it’s true. It is not up to Democrats, or independents, to change the Republican Party; it is up to us to ensure their defeat until they change themselves. 

Until then we must work hard to elect Democrats across the nation. From school board, to county council, from statehouse to Congress. For the LGBTQ community that is the only way we will move forward on equality. It is the only way we can defeat those who want to ban books about our lives, and try to force us back in the closet. We must say a resounding NO to that. 

We must vote for Democrats because history shows us, any other vote, a vote for a third party, helps Republicans win. The reality, like it or not, is today there are only two parties that can win a general election. Yes, in a few rare districts, a third party has won. But this is rare and let’s not take the chance of that happening if there isn’t a history in your state, or district, or community, where it happened in the past. Be smart! While you may not like everything the Democratic Party stands for, it has proven, its members stand for the rights of the LGBTQ community. The incredible progress since Stonewall has been because the Democratic Party has worked with the activists in our midst, to make that progress. Let’s not give up now and move backwards with the MAGA Party. Together, let’s retake our government, and continue to move forward until we have full equality. That must be the goal we join hands for, and pledge to work toward. 


Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist.

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How I changed my documents

Process in Md. cost around $300

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(Bigstock photo)

With legislation making it more difficult for transgender and gender non-conforming people to change their passports and other documents, it is now a race against the clock to change as many of them as possible. 

Trans Maryland and Advocates for Trans Equality are among the groups that offer workshops and online resources.

Here’s how I did it in Maryland:

A letter from your primary care provider

The first thing you’ll need to get any of this rolling is a document from your primary care provider that shows proof of hormone therapy, gender incongruence, or both. In my experience, this is important to have prior to getting anything started because some states require some sort of proof in order to certify the change.

Some courts may need a therapist’s letter as well, but it depends on what state you live in. With this document, you’ll be able to bring it to the respective offices and it will give a valid reason for you to get your desired gender marker.

A court order

The next thing you will need is a court order that recognizes your gender identity. It is a precaution just to avoid any wasted time or confusion at any offices going forward. You will go to the circuit court website for what state/county you reside in and find a document that is a petition to change your gender. Here is an example from Maryland. 

You will print that document and fill out the petition for your respective titles with or without a name change and take it to the Circuit Court. Some courts may require the appointment. There, you will present the petition and letter and pay a fee — Maryland’s fee is $165, however there are fee waivers for those that apply. After, you will wait some weeks for the court order to show up.

Social Security card

Unfortunately, as of January 2025, the Social Security Administration has ceased any gender changes in their system. As with the fight for passports reflecting the holder’s proper gender identity, the Human Rights Campaign and the American Civil Liberties Union may bring a case to regain access in the future.

Identity card/driver’s license

After getting your primary care letter and court order, make a standard appointment for Identification Services at the local DMV and bring the paperwork. Though the Maryland Court’s website says there is no need to get a court order to change any documents, the clerk at the Maryland Motor Vehicle Administration (Maryland’s DMV) stressed that I needed the updated Social Security card changed in order to get an updated ID.

I was able to get it changed prior to the Trump-Vance administration, however given the current circumstances, if there is any pushback from any clerk or official who say they require a Social Security card, very adamantly cite the official gov website if applicable, and use the court order, despite the fact you should not need one to get your ID updated.

Birth certificate

Should all have gone well with the ID, the last document to amend is the birth certificate. 

Unfortunately, this may be the most difficult document that you are able to amend because it must be done within your home state and some states, such as Oklahoma, Florida, Tennessee, and Texas, have already banned altering birth certificates. 

In D.C., where I changed my own, there have been no known issues or legislation passed for changing the name and gender marker on the document. You will search your state government websites for the vital records department, find a Gender Designation Application and fill out the necessary information. The D.C. application is here:

On D.C.’s application, you must sign the document in front of a notary in order for it to be valid. Several mail offices, such as UPS, offer notary services for relatively cheap. Upon getting the application notarized, you can bring all documents you have already updated along with the court order and primary care letter to an appointment at the vital records office. All the previous work done should make this fairly easy if you are in a state that hasn’t made heavy strides to halt the process. 

All in all, with about a month of your time, about $300, and a state that supports your right to self-actualization, you should still be able to change most of your documents.

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