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Out singer/songwriter Eli Conley relishes roots music, trans themes

California-based folkie plans D.C. tour stop April 10 at Gypsy Sally’s

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Eli Conley, gay news, Washington Blade
Eli Conley is comfortable using his music to advocate for LGBT issues. (Photo by Brooke Porter; courtesy Conley)

Eli Conley

Wednesday, April 10

7:30 p.m.

Vinyl Lounge at Gypsy Sally’s

3401 K St., N.W.

free

 gypsysallys.com

 eliconley.com

Contemporary folk singer Eli Conley found critical acclaim with the release of his debut album, “At The Seams” in 2013, and the central, Va.-born musician and storyteller has become a big success within the LGBT and music scenes in his current home in the Bay Area.

“I describe my music as country-tinged folk,” Conley says. “I do a lot of storytelling and I do a lot of talking about folks like me who were queer kids from small towns, and there’s a lot of harmony in my music. 

An openly gay transgender man, Conley’s music address important themes such as gender, aging and death. For instance, on his newest record, “Strong and Tender,” he has a song about his grandmother’s death called “I Miss You.”

“She recently passed and the songs is about what it’s like at the end of a life when someone is ready to die and we’re not ready to let them go yet,” Conley says. 

On April 10, Conley will perform at D.C.’s Gypsy Sally’s Vinyl Lounge, accompanied by Joel Price on mandolin, violin and harmonies.

“I love coming back to the Mid-Atlantic and the D.C./Virginia area. It’s so special to come back home and the place my whole life I would go on field trips and take family trips,” he says. “I have a lot of friends in the area and it’s just a place I have a lot of connections to.”

As a singer who references where he’s from a great deal in his tunes, a gig like this is important to Conley and feels the audience gets more out of the show than people may in the West Coast.

“Even though I love California, it is kind of a different place,” Conley says. “What’s really cool about Gypsy Sally’s, it features local and touring acts in their smaller room and I’ll be playing two sets of songs on the night, one at 7:30 and the other at 9.”

Plus, as a queer transperson, Conley says he doesn’t often feel like he has a lot of community and doesn’t know how people will feel about him and his music when he’s in a smaller space and that’s a very multilayered thing for him.

“I think there are people who live in D.C., who are maybe from a smaller place, a more rural time, and my music resonates a little differently,” he says. “When I’m writing, I don’t consciously think, ‘This is the message that I want to have,’ but I do find that the characters that show up in my songs do have experiences relate to feeling a little like a misfit or as an outsider, and trying to find out how to fit in to the bigger picture of the world.”

For Conley, 33, the path to coming out as trans was a long one. “I have come out as so many different things over the years,” he says. 

He first came out as a bi woman at age 15. He and some friends started the first gay/straight alliance at Maggie Walker High School in Richmond. Facing opposition from both the Virginia General Assembly, which was trying to pass a ban on “sexually related clubs” on school campuses, as well as their own high school administrators, they persevered. 

“They’d banned a burrito club a year earlier and tried to argue that they couldn’t go approving everything students wanted,” Conley says. “But in the end, we were allowed to do it and I remember we did the Day of Silence … and a big percentage of the school participated. It was a powerful moment.” 

A high school friend came out as a trans man freshman year but Conley still wasn’t sure how he identified.

“He had a much more traditional transgender narrative where he knew that he was a boy from a very young age,” he says. “My childhood was a lot more genderfluid and I liked it that way. My favorite colors were pink and purple and I love dresses for a while. I also loved climbing trees and going around the neighborhood without my shirt off with the boys. By the time I graduated from high school in 2004 I’d come to identify as genderqueer, what many people these days call non-binary.”

It was in college that Conley started going by the name Eli and asking people to refer to him with gender-neutral pronouns and became a trans activist working on health care issues on campus working on issues such all-gender restrooms, non-gender-restricted dorm rooms, etc.

Over the course of college, Conley began to identify as male and decided to medically transition.

“That was 13 years ago now and it never felt for me like a linear process or a switch flipping,” he says. “I was a genderfluid kid and then an androgynous teenager and eventually a young man. My gender identity has stayed consistent since then, but I’m not so young anymore.” 

Conley has a deep background as a community organizer and working on racial and economic justice at events, and feels those themes often show up in his music as well.

“For me, the politics of living in the world as someone who stands opposed to capitalism and stands opposed to white supremacy in this country, particularly in this moment when we see really clearly how those things have never gone away, it shows up organically in my music,” he says. “But I’ll also write songs that have nothing to do with being queer or trans.”

Conley’s father is from the southern part of West Virginia and introduced him to roots music and bluegrass at an early age. When he first started writing music, he had a background in musical theater and classical voice, and married those musical influences to create his sound.

“I listened to a lot of different kinds of music but always felt the songs I wrote came from more of a folk, country place,” he says. “I often found my accent came out when I sang, and though I didn’t grow up in the mountains, my songs seemed to be influenced by what my dad had me listen to.”

Conley has known all his life he was attracted to men, recalling crushes on boys in kindergarten.

“By adolescence, I knew that I wasn’t a straight woman but all the language around gender and sexuality was super binary and I didn’t have many people in my life or in the media who reflected what I felt. … I’m still attracted to people of many genders, but I mainly fall in love with men.” 

Conley isn’t particularly worried his trans identity might usurp his musical abilities.

“I want queer and transgender people to be able to find me and see themselves in my music. I think we are hungry for that and it’s an honor to be a link in the long chain of songwriters who lay our souls bare so that others may see themselves reflected. Straight, white, cisgender men see themselves reflected back everywhere all the time in our culture, the music industry in particular. I think it’s time everyone else was given the space and resources to create art that speaks to our experiences.” 

How up front Conley is about being a gay/trans artist depends on the arena, he says. 

“I love LGBTQ media and I’m happy to talk about my identity in a paper like this because I know your readers get that,” he says. “I feel conflicted about marketing myself as a gay transgender artist in the mainstream media, putting the identity pieces upfront. Straight artists aren’t asked when they first knew they were straight, you know? They get to talk about their music. I find that sometimes being transgender becomes sensationalized and that becomes the whole focus. I have identified as trans since I was 17. It’s not novel to me, it’s just a part of my experience in the world. Of course, it is a huge privilege to be able to say that.”

He knows many trans folks don’t have that luxury.

“I am a white middle class man who isn’t perceived as transgender by strangers. It’s been many years since I’ve had to think about how every piece of clothing I put on will affect how people will read me on street. I make my choices based on what feels good, not how they will affect my safety. Most trans women and trans feminine people and other gender non-conforming people don’t have that experience.”

When not performing live or writing music, Conley is a certified teacher of Somatic Voicework. He and his partner of seven years (they recently married) live together in Berkeley. His husband, whom he declines to name, is an artist and vegan cook who works in research at U.C. Berkeley. 

Teaching, he says, is a joy. 

“I teach private singing lessons and also group classes for LGBTQ folks and allies in the Bay Area and I feel both teaching and performing are very meaningful to me,” he says. “I do think I would like to spend more time on the road touring as things go forward, but I’ll probably always also be teaching because it’s really important to me.”

The music he will be sharing at the show he calls “music from his heart” and feels the songs are great to bring people together.

“I find more and more as I get older, I’m less interested in being this perfect person and more interested in being honest and real,” Conley says. “The more that I do that, the more folks tell me they are crying in my songs and there are places where they really feel connections and have an emotional experience they didn’t expect coming in. That’s what I strive to do as a songwriter.”

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New album features everything we love about BETTY

An interview with Alyson Palmer, Amy Ziff, and Elizabeth Ziff

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BETTY features Alyson Palmer, Amy Ziff, and Elizabeth Ziff. They perform their annual BETTY Holiday Show on Dec. 17 at Union Stage. (Photo by Gene Reed)

A new album by a band you love, especially one that takes its time between releases is cause for celebration. For me, that celebration takes on special meaning when it comes to BETTY, an all-female trio I have been following since the mid-1980s, during the band’s early years. Since that time, BETTY has amassed a sizeable following via its connection to “The L Word,” performing on the HBO/CTW series “Encyclopedia,” appearing in an original off-Broadway musical, and playing Pride and women’s music festival events. The newly released “EAT” (hellobetty.com) has everything we’ve come to know and love about BETTY: fabulous harmonies, a splendid cover tune, and songs with messages of empowerment, as well as humor. Alyson Palmer, and sisters Amy Ziff and Elizabeth Ziff generously made time for an interview to discuss the new album and their career. The D.C. natives perform their annual BETTY Holiday Show on Dec. 17 at Union Stage. 

Blade: For those few who may not be in the know, please say something about how BETTY, the name of the band, came to be.

Alyson Palmer: We just needed a name fast for a party for Dodie Bowers, a dancer and music mogul who ran the legendary 9:30 Club on F Street in D.C. She invited us to sing without our full band at the time, On Beyond Zebra. There was a Nair ad on TV at the time where long-legged ladies walked past a besotted guy who said, “Helloooo, Betty!” and that’s what stuck with me. Surfer slang with a timeless appeal and just a smidge of street harassment.

Elizabeth Ziff: We said we would love to and thought she wanted the whole band, but she just wanted the three of us. We had no idea we would be BETTY for almost 40 more years.

Amy Ziff: BETTY is the all-American, smart, sassy, can-do gal with a twist. That’s us!

Blade: In BETTY’s early days, the band began selling t-shirts that read BETTY Rules (which are still available at hellobetty.com). How did that slogan come about?

AZ: It didn’t come from us! I think it’s a catch phrase that fans and friends started.

EZ: I remember that people would shout it to us on the street in DC. It just stuck. It was better than BETTY rocks….and it’s stood the test of time. Some people have theirs from back in the day, but lots of new, young fans are buying them now and wearing them proudly. It’s definitely a cult [laughs].

Blade: In addition to BETTY, the DC music scene has produced some legendary musical acts including Roberta Flack, Mary Timony, Fugazi, Trouble Funk, Shudder to Think, Minor Threat, E.U., Tommy Keene, Crystal Waters, and Mary Chapin Carpenter. What does it mean to you that BETTY is part of that legacy?

AZ: It means a lot. I love being part of that incredible music community.

EZ: It means everything. We played with a lot of those people. Roberta Flack, Trouble Funk, MCC, and the list goes on. It was such a great scene in DC In the 80’s. The underground go-go scene and the harDCore scene and the new wave scene. We all supported each other. As a matter of fact, Jason Carmer, who was in a lot of DC bands including 9353, is the producer on our new album “EAT.” DC was and always will be seminal to BETTY and our life.

AP: BETTY wouldn’t exist if it were for the bubbling gumbo of music, art, spoken word and politics that defined DC in the 80’s. All of us were raging against Reagan and the diabolical, hateful conservatives who swept into town. Regardless of our mode of expression, we all poured our passion for a better world into our art. Because the scene was relatively small, we supported each other and ran from party to venue to see what and how other artists were busting out. Essex Hemphill and Wayson Jones were at packed house parties with Brenda Files and other poets like you Gregg, everyone snapping fingers at the smooth truths flowing. Trouble Funk played out on the street where we all danced wildly on swampy summer nights while Bad Brains showed us how to slam dance in steamy venues. Chapin sang at Kramer Books and pop idol Tommy Keene was everywhere. The nexus of all new music was the 9:30 Club where a wild blonde wailed an entire set from the top of a grand piano jammed onto the tiny stage with her band, soon to sing solo as Cyndi Lauper. Natalie Merchant hid behind drums, REM jangled, Iggy Pop bled, The Bus Boys preened, Red Hot Chili Peppers came out for their encore stark naked with just sweat socks covering their johnsons and Henry Rollins mesmerized the packed room of sweating punk boys by grinding slowly for long delicious minutes as he sang and grew the biggest bone I’ve ever seen on stage, literally having sex with the crowd and popping minds open left and right. Fine artists flourished, including Mapplethorpe causing scandal at the Corcoran with his show. It was an amazing time to be a feminist art rock trio with a lot to say!

Blade: BETTY has also made a name for itself via the activism of its members, including the founding of the 501(c)3 not-for-profit organization The BETTY Effect. Is being an activist something that was ingrained in you by your family or was it something you came to on your own?

AP: Great question, Gregg! I think each of us had formative experiences that made us warriors. My dad grew up with severe corporal punishment and tried to lessen the degree with my brother and me but used it liberally. I found it abusive, unfair and unacceptable even at a young age – not so much for myself, but when this raging giant of a man would lash my gentle, artistic brother I couldn’t take it. When I was about 10, I threw myself between the two of them and yelled from my soul that never again would I allow him to take out his anger on a small defenseless being, never. He never did again. I became a protector. Some would say bossy, but I can’t tolerate unfairness and cruelty to weaker beings.

EZ: It was ingrained in me as a kid. We were Air Force brats living overseas and we grew up Jewish in some very anti-Semitic places. Paris, Virginia, etc. So, I learned at a very young age that life wasn’t fair, and people could be mean for no reason. I grew up knowing that girls were getting the raw end of the deal, and I wanted things to be fair…it’s never stopped. The more you know, the more you become aware of the wrongs in the world, the more you want it to be right.

AZ: BETTY was born in DC. We knew early on that it was our responsibility and privilege to speak (and sing) out as artists about things that needed to change, and causes we believe in.

Blade: Please tell the readers something about the mission of The BETTY Effect.

AP: The BETTY Effect is an organization that uses music and performance techniques to help strengthen, embolden and empower women, girls and LGBTQ+ folks. BETTY has found that anything can be achieved if done in harmony with community, no matter how long it may take. That’s why we travel around the world holding workshops and concerts to connect people in need of bolstering with the beauty of their inner rockstar, with their possees, and with local organizations that can serve their immediate needs and continue to help grow confidence. At the end of the day, that’s all it takes – believing in your mission and believing you are the right messenger. It’s so simple but can seem impossibly hard, until you have your crew wo believes in you. The BETTY Effect builds crews from inside out.

Blade: In late August, BETTY performed at the Women’s Equality Day event at Kennedy Center. What is that like for each of you playing for the hometown crowd?

AZ: Wonderful!

AP: I love DC. So many memories! Parties, playing and protests, like our first Pride Day hidden-away behind the trees on 21st Street to protect the still-closeted, Take Back the Night Rallies, and glorious Adams Morgan Day. At Kennedy Center we received our first award, “Entertainer of the Year,” so it’s a delight to be back at such a gorgeous place for celebrating all the arts, the best DC has to offer.

EZ: It’s been a long time since we’ve lived in DC. I love it there but consider myself a full-on New Yorker at this point. I still love going back to DC. It’s so cool there and political and fun. And it’s beautiful and the Kennedy Center is very posh, so I’ll have to wear clothes [laughs].

Blade: “EAT” is BETTY’s first new full-length album in a number of years. Were all the songs written over the course of the period or were they written in one burst for the purpose of the album?

AZ: Great question! Some were written recently, and a couple were actually rewritten and changed while recording.

AP: Every seven years we get the itch and pop out another album. Some of the songs have been incubating for quite a while but two burst out from skeletal beginnings in the studio with our fabulous producer, Jason Carmer and Human Fader, who are wildly creative and fun artists to create with in sexy Mexico City.

EZ: Some songs have been churning around and changing and forming for a few years, some were written during the pandemic, and some came together for this album. All of them are new in the way that they have changed and grown.

Blade: “EAT” opens with the song “Together,” which was originally recorded in a rock/funk version on 1999’s “Betty 3,” and is now heard in a dance music version. Please say a few words about why you chose to re-record that song.

AP: I am 1000% about community. The older I get the more I see that having a tribe, village, family, your bevy is everything. To accomplish the biggest goal, the actual changing of society, the only way is by connecting a web of like-minded souls to rise against an unfair status quo and create change. Ever since that nauseating November day when we woke to understand that America had elected a hateful, ignorant boor for President instead of a brilliantly over-qualified woman, it has been my daily mission to correct that wrong. As Gloria Steinem says, outrageous rebellions start with everyday acts. Creating unity with joy is a radical act, especially with music, together. It can’t be said enough.

AZ: Now, more than ever, we need unity. Otherwise, the world will not survive.

Blade: The anthemic “Pride,” the first single from “EAT,” was released in advance of Pride 2024. What does BETTY’s embrace by the LGBTQ+ community mean to you, as either a member or an ally?

EZ: Being a big lez, and also a gay man in lesbian clothing, I’m all about it. I pretty much assume everyone is gay until I find out shockingly that they’re not.

AP: It. Is. Everything. The two times I felt myself break bounds I realized that society had wrapped around me were the first time I saw LaBelle on TV as a child, where, terrified, I saw for the first conscious time that women could be fantastical and scary and explode with power without caring what men or anyone thought, and my first Pride Parade in DC. Seeing the riot of wit and color unleashed by people who had just as much right as anyone to love and be loved, but had to fight to exist, I had the epiphany that I stood surrounded by joyful warriors. They risked it all, proud on the streets, snapping their fingers under the nose of anyone who tried to deny them. I saw they were the evolved ones, the ones who lived like artists at least in that moment, freely, and I fell in love spiritually, not physically, with this tribe I understood.

Blade: “Pride,” as well as “Flow,” “Soundproof,” “Gangway,” and “Big Size Love,” have irresistible dance energy. Have you ever been at a club and heard a DJ spin a BETTY song? If so, how did it feel?

EZ: I’m a DJ (DJ ezgirl), so I’ve spun them, and it feels great to watch people dance to our music. Recently, we had the pleasure of hearing our song “Pride” and the remix by Bill Coleman and Peace Biscuit spun by the amazing and infamous DJ Lina Bradford in front of thousands of new folks and they dug it. So, that’s amazing. Let’s hope DJ’s all over the world spin our stuff.

AP: It’s a rollercoaster! At first you think. “I know this song. Who IS this?” Then you realize. Then you’re slightly embarrassed. Then you fling yourself into the experience with joyful abandon, loving it even more as it’s released into the wild!

AZ: Seeing people groove, dance, and respond to our music is what it’s all about!

Blade: BETTY is no stranger to cover tunes. Over the years BETTY has covered The Association (“Windy”), The Beatles (“Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds”), and Sammy Cahn and Jimmy Van Heusen (“High Hopes”), to name a few. “EAT” contains BETTY’s rendition of Burt Bacharach and Hal David’s “What the World Needs Now Is Love.” Please tell the readers why that song was chosen.

AP: That was Elizabeth’s idea. We‘re all mad for slinky cool vocals like Dionne Warwick and Shirley Bassey, so when she suggested it, we all dove right in!

EZ: We fought so much when we were arranging this song acapella. It’s so hard to sing and was intense to work out, but all three of us love this song and we chose to put it on this album because it’s acapella and important to us to do that. Also, in this time of division and strife, it’s important to us to remember that love is what we all need.

AZ: The world is upside down now. Especially since Oct. 7. I’ve never seen so much hatred and misinformation spewed in my lifetime. I’ve also never felt more unsafe being part of the Jewish community, for myself and my family. If love can’t find a way to survive and thrive, I worry for us all.

Blade: BETTY has some tour dates this fall. What are you most looking forward to about those shows?

AZ: Playing our new songs, seeing old friends, and connecting with new people. And wearing groovy new clothes and getting lots of prezzies from fans [laughs].

EZ: Playing our new music and meeting new fans. And, of course, continuing our wonderful career that never ends.

AP: I love playing live! Like I said, flinging yourself with wild abandon into a song you adore as it’s amplified into the wild is a thrill everyone should have a chance to feel. Like a chef serving a great meal to a crowd or an athlete moving with the stands cheering her on, experiencing the flow of your creative energy connecting with the electric desire of others is a feeling that ignites your whole being like a lighthouse. People flowing along with us by singing along to our songs feels absolutely incandescent.

Blade: Are there more tour dates in the works?

AP: Always. That’s the profound beauty of what we do. No matter how terrible (and there have been nightmares) or how glorious a show is, there’s always another one. Another adventure is waiting just ahead, with friends old and new to share it. We’re taking EAT to beloved Provincetown October 17-20 for Women’s Week at the Post Office and 2025 has some great escapades brewing. The BETTY Rulers on our email list (hellobetty.com) are always the first to know!

BETTY (Photo by Gene Reed)
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The ultimate guide to queer gift giving

Fun and memorable ideas for everyone on your list

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The holidays are an excellent distraction after a difficult election cycle. Instead of churning out endless political memes on social media (really, give it a rest), turn your attention to making memories and exchanging gifts, like these carefully curated selections that’ll lighten the mood, facilitate festiveness, and bring joy to those on your Nice List.  

Le Creuset Bread Oven

Honed your sourdough skills during COVID lockdowns? Level ’em up in Le Creuset’s handsome enameled cast-iron bread oven, available in seven of the French manufacturer’s signature ombré hues, for stunning artisan loaves ideal for gifting or your own private gluttony. Make it a meal with Julia Turshen’s Fastest Chicken Noodle Soup recipe from the queer cook’s latest book, “What Goes with What.” $300, Food52.com; $26, Amazon.com


Imogene + Willie Tees/Accessories

Streetwear takes the sophisticated track via imogene + willie’s audacious selection of graphic tees and accessories, like its popular “bolt” in black and increasingly prescient “burn it all” tees, along with accessories that include the standout “bronco” trucker and “dead wrong” knit watch cap. For queers of a certain age (you know who you are), these style-forward mix-ins give edge without looking desperately trendy or – God forbid – completely out of touch (you know who you are, too). $38-$68, imogeneandwillie.com


Cedar Ridge The QuintEssential

If you need a drink that packs a punch this holiday season, Cedar Ridge The QuintEssential is the American single-malt whiskey up to the task with its notes of caramel and vanilla combined with a persistent pepperiness that’s H-O-T-T-O-G-O. $60, CedarRidgeDistillery.com


Beekman 1802 Advent Calendar

There’s no place like home when you’ve got Beekman 1802’s luxurious storybook-inspired advent calendar to see you through the holidays, each door revealing one of 24 cult-fave face and beauty products, including 16 full-size bestsellers. Bring the somewhere-over-the-rainbow sentiment 360 with a few selections from the boys’ “Wicked”-branded lineup, like the Glamorous Gal Bodycare Gift Set or Make Your Own Magic 3-Pack Bar Soap Set, for all the good witches (and bad bitches) in your life. $179, Beekman1802.com


La Boule Dinnerware Set

Villeroy & Boch brings a splash of panache to the home cook’s table with its multicolored, premium porcelain La Boule seven-piece dinnerware sets – in Miami and Memphis styles – which include two stackable regular bowls, two pasta bowls, two plates and one serving tray that form a single nesting round and an artistic conversation piece after the dishes are done. $450, Villeroy-Boch.com


Pasturebird Chicken/“Hot Ones” Season 25 10-pack

Read the reviews for Pasturebird free-range chicken products (five stars across the board, including its holiday-ready party wings), and you’ll be an instant convert – especially after you light ’em up with Heatonist’s “Hot Ones” Season 25 10-pack, featuring flavors like Little Dick’s Ghost Pepper Pear, Pepper North’s Jerk & Scotch Bonnet, and Hot Ones’ own The Last Dab: Xperience, an apropos name for the Pepper X-based sauce with a Scoville Heat Unit rating of over 2.6 million. (For reference, a classic buffalo clocks in at a mere 1,800 SHU.) Santa might be S.O.L. on milk this year. $10-25, Pasturebird.com; $120, Heatonist.com


Pepper Pong Game

Pepper Pong – a 2023 Best New Game winner – is ping pong’s “go-anywhere, do-anything, challenge-anyone cousin… with a mean mullet and pickleball-infused DNA,” according to its website, and that translates to a whole lot of fun for the whole family. $70, PepperPong.com


The EnergyLounger

Need a timeout? You’ll get one with a kickback on the EnergyLounger wellness platform offering cutting-edge, full-body red and near-infrared light therapy sessions designed for relaxation and rejuvenation in the comfort of your own home. Benefits include reduced pain and stiffness, improved blood circulation, and cell regeneration for an experience that’ll take you away when Calgon ain’t cuttin’ it. $7,500-$9,998, EnergyLounger.com


DC Comics Style Guide/Batman DVD set

Pair a reissue of the 1982 DC Comics Style Guide – designed to assist licensees in delivering a consistent look for the brand’s celebrated Super Heroes – with the Batman 85th Anniversary 10-Film Collection, which includes fan-favorite animated classics like “The Killing Joke,” “The Long Halloween,” and “Soul of the Dragon,” among others, for a gift that’ll instantly elevate you to Super Friend. $95, StandardsManual.com; $200, Amazon.com


FinaMill Grinder

Save your knuckles from skin-chewing microplanes and graters with a convenient automated replacement in the rechargeable FinaMill Grinder that allows kitchen whizzes to season with ease thanks to its one-handed click-grind-release technology. Max and Pro Plus pods pulverize everything from cardamom seeds to coffee beans sans blood, sweat or tears, in complementary culinary mill colors that include black, white, red and gray. $100, FinaMill.com


Tom of Finland Duffel

Henry Cavill is a prime candidate for the anatomical embodiment of a Tom of Finland illustration, and it’s hard not to fantasize about the oversized actor decked out in head-to-toe leather, especially after you cop Loqi’s Tom of Finland Day & Night Recycled Weekender, featuring all-over printed ToF artwork that looks suspiciously like Superman. $40, Loqi.com


Dwayne Chestnut Sunglasses

Did Vontélle sleep on the opp to name its Dwayne Chestnuts flip-up transitioning glasses the Dwayne Waynes, paying homage to the iconic spectacle-shades popularized by Kadeem Hardison on “A Different World”? Perhaps. But slap on a pair of these bad boys and you’ll bring all the early-’90s vibes (and maybe a few Whitleys or Ron Johnsons) to the yard. $189, Vontelle.com


Danish Creamery UCS

Danish Creamery – renowned for its fresh-churned European-style butter – offers its branded ugly Christmas sweater that includes a tiny additional sweater to dress up your serving dish, in a twofer that’s both salty and sweet. $80, UglyChristmasSweater.com


Andy Warhol x Absolut Vodka

Art imitates life imitating art in Absolut Vodka’s full-circle Andy Warhol collaboration featuring elements of the pop icon’s overlooked 1985 blue bottle painting, rediscovered in 2020. With colors extracted directly from the original work and made with multi-layer screen printing to create an authentic sensory experience to touch, the spirited 2024 collector’s item also includes a QR code that opens a portal into the world of Warhol and the story behind both brands’ historic and enduring connection, this limited-edition release now among them. $26, ReserveBar.com


Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBTQ lifestyle expert whose work has appeared in more than 100 publications around the world. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyroxtravels.

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He loves Annie’s and will until the end

Mano continues to bring infectious passion to his job at iconic restaurant

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Mano remains a near constant presence at Annie’s. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

It’s rare for a restaurant to thrive for more than 75 years. Rarer still is a restaurant whose history is so deeply intertwined with the growth and resilience of a minority community. Annie’s Paramount Steakhouse in Washington, D.C.’s Dupont Circle is one of those exceptional places — a cornerstone not only for the city of Washington, but also for its vibrant queer community.

Several factors contribute to a restaurant like Annie’s becoming a foundational space of cultural and historical significance. Its welcoming atmosphere, fostered by a warm and inclusive staff goes beyond mere hospitality. The decor doesn’t just acknowledge Washington’s LGBTQ community — it proudly celebrates it. And, of course, the award-winning food and drinks leave a lasting impression, making Annie’s a true icon in the nation’s capital.

When walking down 17th Street, where Annie’s is located after 76 years (even after moving three blocks north of its original location on 17th in 1985), it becomes understandable how this stretch of street has always been the heart of the “gayborhood,” regardless of season or political administration. The rainbow flags on nearly every light pole and stickers in nearly every window signal this place is not only a safe space for the LGBTQ community, but a place where being queer is worth celebrating.

Annie’s Paramount Steakhouse has long been a beacon of unwavering support for the LGBTQ community, particularly during times when openly identifying as LGBTQ was met with societal stigma or worse. This dedication, which started back in 1948, has cemented Annie’s as more than just a restaurant — it’s a queer haven and cultural landmark.

Georgia Katinas, the general manager of Annie’s and granddaughter of Annie’s founder George Katinas, told the Blade supporting the D.C. LGBTQ community is a key part of running Annie’s.

“I see Annie’s as a pillar of the LGBTQ community, and it’s important to me to continue that legacy,” said Katinas. “Getting involved in our community in many different facets, supporting LGBTQ nonprofits and organizations, hosting kickball brunches, hiring LGBTQ/queer members of the community — all of that’s incredibly important to me, and it’s an honor. I take the family legacy very seriously, and I really am proud to continue it and to show up on behalf of my family and on behalf of the community and continue to be here.”

One of Annie’s unique legacies is its connection to the High Heel Drag Race, a beloved LGBTQ event on the Tuesday before Halloween. It started as a race between Annie’s and gay bar JR.’s in 1986, and has grown into a vibrant mini Pride celebration on 17th Street now managed by the mayor’s office.

Although it takes a collective effort to transform Annie’s into the James Beard Award-winning restaurant it is today, one server has stood out for decades. Since 1975, his infectious attitude and heartfelt care have made him a cornerstone of the Annie’s experience, drawing loyal customers back time and again.

Mano, with his instantly recognizable horseshoe mustache and ever-present smile, has been a key part of the institution that is Annie’s for as long as most regulars can remember. Hired as the first male staff member in 1975, Mano has remained a key face for the restaurant going back to when Annie herself served food on the dining room floor. 

“We treat every customer like a member of our family,” Mano told the Blade during a recent interview discussing his lengthy career in the restaurant. “Ninety-nine percent of the people feel like regulars, and that 1 percent are on their way to becoming them.” 

For 49 years, Mano has been a beloved fixture at Annie’s, his passion for the job evident to everyone around him — from coworkers behind the bar to guests in the booths. Known for gestures like cutting steaks for diners, Mano’s dedication once saw him working seven days a week, a testament to his love for being part of the Annie’s team.

“I feel every day better than the day before,” he said. “I love the people more than the day before. I look forward to loving them more. I can’t predict the future. The past is experience. Right now, at the moment, I am enjoying it.”

Despite his glowing appreciation for Annie’s, Mano has had to cut back from working at the restaurant as much as he once did. As he has grown older, Mano has slowly taken a day or two off from his work schedule. 

Katinas became emotional when reflecting on Mano’s history with the restaurant. 

“He wants the guests to have the perfect experience,” Katinas said. “He takes training very seriously. He has his own systems for how he counts money and uses the computer. He’s very particular but always so kind about it. When I watch him train new people now, I remember when he trained me. It’s very intentional and intense in moments because he cares so much.”

Mano’s presence and unwavering commitment to delivering impeccable service at Annie’s elevates him above many in the food service industry. His contributions also reinforce Annie’s cornerstone role in Washington’s queer history. When asked what sets his legacy—and by extension, Annie’s legacy within the LGBTQ community—apart from that of a server at any other restaurant, one word stood out in his response: respect. 

“Give yourself some respect,” Mano said. “Give them [the customers] all the respect you want for yourself. If you cannot respect yourself, you cannot respect anyone else. I am a mirror reflecting you. When you are sitting at the table, I am a mirror reflecting you.”

Mano (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Katinas explained Mano’s passion for Annie’s is infectious and has helped shape the culture of the restaurant. She also explained that his passion reflects how Annie ran the restaurant in years prior, with caring about people at its center.  

“He takes young servers under his wing,” Katinas explained. “He takes busboys who don’t speak the shared language, and he treats them with such compassion and generosity. Annie was someone who would always sit and talk with you. She would put her hand on your shoulder and really listen. And Mano does that too.”

“We’re all busy, we’re all running around, but Mano really will sit and take the time to get to know you and to listen to your troubles or happy moments, anything,” Katinas added. “He makes sure, even if he’s across the restaurant and someone walks in the door, he’ll yell ‘Welcome in!’ The sense of hospitality is in his blood.”

Not only is he one of the most passionate people in Annie’s at any given moment, but Katinas also highlighted that he cares about the people and history of Annie’s in a truly unique way.  

“He’s like the lighthouse captain,” she said, tearing up and smiling. “He has to be tethered to the building. He doesn’t get too far from it and is like, ‘No, no, I’m going to be at my post.’ He’s always there in the front, and everyone knows to expect him there.”

“He’s got a heart bigger than his entire body,” bar manager Scott Paxton chimed in. “He would do anything for just about anybody. He’s the first one to get here, he’s the last one to leave. He’s the most dedicated out of all of them. He’s always offering to help.”

“For a lot of us, he’s the first person that we met,” Paxton added. “This place has been here for a long time with a long legacy, but he is a big part of that legacy. And so you wander in here for the first time and he’s the person that you meet first.”

“You don’t know where to sit or who’s who, but you probably end up sitting with Mano in his section and so it sort of becomes like your home base,” he said. “There are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people that come through here and that’s their first contact with anyone and people that request him. And 40 years later, they come in on Wednesday night and they want to see him.”

Mano’s final thoughts about the restaurant reflected what multiple staff and guests have made clear — he loves Annie’s and will until the end. 

“I wish them the best success,” Mano said pointing to Katinas, Paxton, and other staff working at the bar. “And they’re going to have it thanks to everybody, all these years of support for this place.”

Mano, center, with Annie Kaylor in 1985. (Washington Blade archive photo by Doug Hinckle)
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