Movies
Dr. Ruth chats about her life in advance of new Hulu doc
Longtime LGBT champion was initially wary of filmmakers
Dr. Ruthās sex advice boils down to one bedrock principle: ārespect is not debatable.ā
And although sheās been a longtime champion of LGBT rights, her most basic sex advice could apply to anyone.
āThere is not such thing as normal,ā she says during a phone interview. āAnything two consenting adults do is all right. I hoped that by saying that publicly a lot of people would listen to it. Young people must know there is support for them.ā
At age 90, revolutionary sex and relationship therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer is still going strong. The diminutive doctor with the thick German accent, the distinctive voice and the trademark cackle is still teaching college classes, lecturing around the world and working on a new edition of āSex For Dummies.ā
Sheās also promoting āAsk Dr. Ruth,ā the excellent new Hulu documentary about her amazing life. The movie, which opened at the Sundance Film Festival, opened theatrically in D.C. Friday at the Landmark Bethesda Row Cinema and drops on
Dr. Ruth Westheimer was born Karola Ruth Siegel on June 4, 1928 near Frankfurt Germany. In November 1938, on the morning after Kristallnacht, her beloved father was arrested by Nazis. Shortly thereafter she was sent to a boarding school in Switzerland as part of the Kindertransport.
Both her parents were killed in the Holocaust. In the movie, Westheimer makes a poignant visit to Yad Vashem, the World Holocaust Remembrance Center in Jerusalem, to commemorate their lives and to come to terms with her own status as a Holocaust survivor.
After the war, she moved to Israel where she served a s a sniper and was badly injured in 1948 during the Palestine War. She moved to Paris with her first husband in 1950 and emigrated to America with her second husband in 1956.
She married her third husband, Fred Westheimer in 1961; the two lived together for over 30 years until his death in 1997.
Following years of education and specialized training in human sexuality, as well as a stint working for Planned Parenthood in Harlem, Dr. Ruth stumbled into broadcasting. Her first show, āSexually Speaking,ā debuted on WYNY-FM in 1980. Although it only ran for 15 minutes every Sunday at midnight, it quickly became a media sensation. By 1982 it was the highest-rated radio show in the New York market and by 1983 the show was syndicated nationally.
Soon, Dr, Ruth was hosting television shows, making appearances on late night television, writing best-selling books and holding court as a frequent guest on āThe Hollywood Squares.ā
But, in the middle of this media frenzy, there was serious work to be done. Dr. Ruth was a pioneer in openly discussing female sexuality (she famously made talk show host Arsenio Hall say the word āvaginaā on air) and in supporting gays.
She was also one of the first public figures to publicly discuss the HIV/AIDS crisis.
āI had a couple of friends that died of that mysterious disease that nobody really had a name for,ā she says.āI remember I went to visit one friend. I brought him a teddy bear and the next day he was dead. Gay people were a despised minority. As a German Jewish refugee, I took it very seriously. I had a lot of friends that died.ā
Even with the advent of PrEP, Dr. Ruth is still anxious about the transmission of AIDS and other STIs.
āIām worried about young people,ā she says. āThey say, āWe have a medication so thereās no big deal.ā Thatās a terrible mistake.ā
The media-savvy therapist, who says that she will never retire, thinks that this yearās Pride celebrations are a great opportunity to reinforce the message about safer sex.
āYou have an obligation to talk to younger people. Use the anniversary of Stonewall to talk about sex.ā
āAsk Dr. Ruthā is directed by Ryan White, award-winning director of the documentary āThe Case Against 8ā and the Netflix docuseries āThe Keepers.ā Westheimer and White were introduced by producer Rafael Marmor. Dr. Ruth was reluctant to have a movie made about her, but she agreed after she saw āNo Place on Earth,ā a 2012 documentary that Marmor produced.
āYou should mention that film,ā she says. āItās about 31 Jews who survived World War II in an underground cave in Poland. I watched the film and I was very impressed. I was also very taken by the title because that was my story. After World War II where would I have gone? They had to create Palestine so every Jew had a place to go.ā
Beyond her advice on good sex and great orgasms, Dr. Ruth is strictly non-partisan and avoids discussing topics where she feels she has not done the necessary research, saying, āI have made it an absolute rule of my life not to talk about things that are not my expertise.ā
But there are some issues Westheimer does feel compelled to discuss.
āI donāt do politics except to stand up when I see children being separated from their families. Thatās my story. And abortion must remain legal and I am very worried about funding for Planned Parenthood.ā
Dr. Ruth is also very worried about the rise of anti-Semitism in the United States, but overall, she remains hopeful.
āIām a big optimist,ā she says. āI love this country. For me, America is a very wonderful place. It will survive. These are difficult times, but we will survive.ā
And, as the wonderful documentary āAsk Dr. Ruthā clearly illustrates, Westheimer is definitely a survivor.
Movies
Neo-noir āFemmeā offers sexy, intense revenge fantasy
A work of real and thrilling cinematic vision
They say ārevenge is sweet,ā and it must be true. Why else would so many of our popular stories, dating all the way back to āMedeaā and beyond, be focused on the idea of getting āevenā with the people who have done us wrong?
Itās a concept with obvious appeal for anyone who has felt unjustly used by the world ā or, more accurately, by the people in it ā but that has particular resonance, perhaps, for modern queer audiences, long used to being relegated to the status of āvictimā in the narratives we see on our screens. In āFemmeā ā the new UK indie thriller helmed by first-time feature directors Sam H. Freeman and Ng Choon Ping, now in limited theatrical release and expanding wider over the next two weeks ā it provides the irresistible hook for a gripping tale of calculated vengeance in the face of anti-queer violence. Like the best of such stories, however, itās as much a cautionary tale as it is a wish-fulfillment fantasy.
Set in London, it centers on Jules (Nathan Stewart-Jarrett), aka Aphrodite Banks, a popular drag performer in the cityās queer club scene who, after a performance one night, steps out in full costume to buy a pack of cigarettes and becomes the victim of a traumatic āgay bashingā incident at the hands of a young man goaded to violence by a thuggish gang of friends. Months later, though heās recovered from his physical injuries, he is still deeply affected by the inner scars that linger. Robbed of the confidence that allowed him to perform, heās withdrawn into a reclusive life, until concern from his friends and housemates prompts him to finally venture out into the world for a night of cruising at a gay sauna ā where he encounters his bully doing the same thing.
Unrecognizable and anonymously masculine out of his drag persona, Jules finds himself beginning a dangerous and duplicitous game in which he plans to āoutā his former attacker ā whose name, as he learns, is Preston (George MacKay) ā in the most humiliating way possible. As his scheme begins to play out, however, he encounters an obstacle: in getting to know the closeted Preston, he is surprised to discover not only empathy for someone living their life in terrified camouflage, but a mutual attraction that develops despite the horrific history between them.
Framed as a self-described āneo-noirā story, a designation that implies a certain flavor of moral ambiguity as much as it does a tense and shadowy tale of intrigue or a psychologically complex tone, itās a movie that relies heavily on style in order to sell its conceptual premise. Realistically, we might question the boldness that permits our protagonist to enact such a potentially hazardous scheme, but in the context of its genre trappings we are lulled into accepting it. And while most of us are likely ājadedā enough to question the possibility of tenderness between its two leading characters, the accepted conceits of the film noir form are enough to sell it to us ā or at least allow us to grapple with it alongside Jules, whose righteously Machiavellian master plan is threatened by the feelings he ācatchesā in spite of himself.
That, of course, is part of the whole point. āFemme,ā though it establishes itself by virtue of its very title as a testament to the struggle to āpassā for straight in a world that places a value judgment on perceived adherence to a strict norm for gender and sexuality, hinges on the idea that such things arenāt quite as clear-cut as we want to make them. Despite the black-and-white certainty we cling to when it comes to the subject of abusive or toxic relationships, thereās an emotional component that can only be ignored or dismissed at our peril, and even our most resolute intentions can be undermined by the shades of gray we discover in our hearts.
Freeman and Ng ā who also wrote the screenplay, adapting their own BAFTA-nominated short film from 2021 (starring Harris Dickinson and Paapa Essiedu) into a feature-length expansion ā seem bent on challenging our snap judgments, on forcing us to sympathize with our oppressors by showing us the ways in which they, too, are prevented from living a fully authentic life by the expectations of their cultural environment. Even more challenging for many modern audiences, perhaps, may be the unavoidable observation that, in enacting his plan of revenge, Jules crosses the line between being a victim and being a victimizer ā a fine point that may trigger uncomfortable implications in a social environment that has become marked by divisive moral constructs and hardline ethical posturing.
Before we scare you off with discussion of high-concept themes and āculture warā rhetoric, however, itās crucial to bring up the elements that lift āFemmeā above and beyond the level of so many such narrative films and makes it a somewhat unexpectedly potent piece of cinematic storytelling ā and all of them have to do with the skill and intention behind it.
As to the former, the movieās first-time directors manage a remarkable debut, steeping their film in moody, genre-appropriate visuals and murky morality. They pave a path beyond the easy assessments proscribed for us by conventional thinking, and force us to follow our sympathies into a disquieting confrontation between what we āknowā as right and what we feel as true; at the same time, they push back against any natural sentimentality we might have about the situation, stressing the toxicity of the relationship in the middle of their film, the ironically-reversed insincerity of its dynamic ā and, perhaps most importantly, the reality of the defining circumstances around it. While we might find ourselves longing for a happier resolution than the one we expect, the film makes no pretense that these two men might overcome the deep denial and traumatic associations ā not to mention the calculated lack of honesty on the side of its de facto protagonist, to achieve some kind of āhappy endingā between themselves. Nevertheless, we hope for it, in spite of ourselves.
That delicate dynamic works largely because of the movieās lead actors. Both Stewart-Jarrett (āCandymanā) and MacKay (āPrideā, ā1917ā) deliver fully invested, utterly relatable performances, finding the emotional truth behind their interactions with as much palpable authenticity as they bring to the chemistry between them. They force us to abandon our preconceived ideas about each character by finding the human presence behind them, and it makes the storyās final outcome feel as heartbreaking as it does inevitable.
As for intention, āFemmeā ā which premiered at last yearās Berlin International Film Festival and went on to gather acclaim across the international film fest circuit ā might be a little hard to take for the easily triggered, we wonāt deny it. Still, itās a work of real and thrilling cinematic vision that goes beyond easy morality to highlight the tragedy that comes from being forced to live behind a mask for the sake of societal acceptance. Itās also exciting, smart, and unexpectedly sexy ā all of which make it a highly- recommended addition to your watchlist.
Editor’s note: Jack Morningstar attended SXSW.
Based on Mason Deaver’s novel, “I Wish You All the Best” follows Ben DeBacker (Corey Fogelmanis), a nonbinary teen who is thrown out of their house and forced to move in with their estranged older sister and her husband.
The film premiered at SXSW last week and stars Corey Fogelmanis, Miles Gutierrez-Riley, Alexandra Daddario and Cole Sprouse, Lena Dunham and was produced by Matt Kaplan and Tommy Dorfman. In addition to directing and producing, Dorfman also adapted the screenplay.
āI had never read a book that centered on an experience that mirrored mine so vividly ā just being a queer kid from the South ā so I immediately was interested in adapting it and was putting myself up for that,ā she said.
The heartwarming film brings awareness to the plight of LGBTQ kids who grow up in conservative families and communities, while also emphasizing that, as Dorfman noted, āsafety can be found in many places.ā In this case, the main protagonist, Ben, finds refuge in their friendship with Nathan. Fogelmanis, who plays Ben, explains that “together they have so many first-time experiences. Learning to let your walls down with someone that is a stranger, or that you don’t have a biological bond with is really scary. And then just to see all the stuff that comes up and have that person still accept you is just the greatest thing for Ben.ā
Fogelmanis and Gutierrez-Riley were obvious choices for the roles of Ben and Nathan.
āIt was really clear to me from a filmmaker perspective. There were a couple of people for each role that I was interested in and enjoyed working with, but Fogelmanis, from that first tape to the last chemistry read made it so clear who Ben was, who Ben is, and who Ben could be. Miles, who plays Nathan, is so amazing as well,ā Fogelmanis added. āIt was really effortless in a way. Reading Tommy’s words was super easy to find my way into.ā
Dorfman found it particularly easy to work with Gutierrez-Riley as well since they attended the same acting program at Fordham University.
āI remember when I was working with Miles in the audition process, I was like, oh, I know how to talk to you. That’s huge. It helped me as a first-time director,ā she said.
Dorfman wanted to be careful ānot fall into the trap of dramatizing Benās gender or coming out too much. It is important to remember that viewing people solely through the lens of their gender or sexuality diminishes their vast and complex humanity. For instance, my life extends beyond my trans identity. I’m an artist, a wife, a mother to two dogs, a sister to four siblings, an avid reader of classic literature, 10 years sober, have ADHD, enjoy arranging flowers and charming tableware, to name a few things.ā
āSimilarly, my film’s protagonist, Ben, doesn’t have an identity exclusive to being a queer teenager. Although their coming out experience is crucial and worth exploring, an obvious jumping-off point in my film, it’s what happens after they’re able to open up that inspired me to make ‘I Wish You All The Best,’ Dorfman added. “My film examines the discomfort of being seventeen, falling in love with a classmate, forming friendships, finding a voice through painting and self-expression, learning to love and be loved, navigating anxiety and depression, and coping with the pressures of growing up. These are universal and very human experiences that shape Ben beyond the limits of representation or perception.ā
Dorfman describes being one of the few openly transgender directors as āan honor and a disappointment.ā She added, āI wish there were more of us, but there will be. It’s exciting, though, to be part of this next generation of creators and filmmakers entering this space and telling more human experiences.ā
Movies
Nick Kroll and Andrew Rannells want to adopt baby in ‘I Don’t Understand You’
Film premiered at SXSW in Austin
Editor’s note: Jack Morningstar attended SXSW in Austin, Texas.
“I Don’t Understand You” focuses on a couple whose romantic Italian getaway devolves into bloody chaos while they prepare to adopt their first child.Ā
The film, while veering into hilariously gruesome hijinks, tells the story of a gay couple who is willing to kill for a chance at fatherhood. It sheds light on the hurdles that same-sex couples often go through in the adoption process: Financial burdens, time constraints, fraud, and in this case, a rural Italian family.
The film premiered last weekend at SXSW in Austin and stars Nick Kroll and Andrew Rannells along with Nunzia Schiano, Morgan Spector and Eleonora Romandini. It was written and directed by Brian Crano and David Craig, who are married. They sourced inspiration from their own adoption struggles and an Italian vacay gone wrong.
āWe were about to leave for Italy when we found out that we had matched with a birth mother and our son would be born in about six weeks,ā said Crano.
According to Craig, the trip was tense and it culminated in their car getting stuck in a ditch on their way to an anniversary dinner.
āWe ended up at an old ladyās house after she rescued us in her Fiat. Her family cooked us a meal and we stayed up drinking with them until 3 a.m., not understanding a word they were saying,ā he said.
Without spoiling anything, the couple in the movie go to absurd lengths to ensure that their adoption goes through. Craig explained that the theme of the movie was “what would you do for your kid.”Ā
“We were three years into our own journey at the time and realized we would literally do anything to make that dream a reality. Itās really a love letter to our son,ā he said.
The film is hard to relegate to a single genre.
āWhen conceiving the story, we saw it as different parts ā romantic comedy, horror movie, murder play ā but I think by bringing in Nick and Andrew that blend actually became much more of an organic mix where the comedy sustained throughout. They elevated it in a more elegant fashion,ā said Craig.
“I Donāt Understand You”was produced by Pinky Promise, a women-led production company with the mission to elevate diverse voices in their storytelling. Kara Durrett, Pinky Promiseās current president was a champion of this script from the beginning. Founder Jessamine Burgum recounts that when Durrett was onboarding, she said āIf you donāt get [“I Donāt Understand You”] I donāt know if this is going to work.ā
It ultimately became one of the first projects Burgum and Durrett collaborated on.Ā
Kroll and Rannellsā chemistry carried the film.
āThere was a desire to work with each of them because they had both separately been in such amazing comedian teams ā like Andrew with Josh Gad and Nick with John Mulaney. Nick and Andrewās characters are in almost every scene of the movie together, so they needed to be adept to basically doing a shared performance. There was no one more well-positioned to do this as naturally as possible,ā said Crano.
Their characters are easy to root for, yet also deeply flawed.
āA big thing we wanted to do with this movie, and with all of our work in telling stories, is avoid telling a cliched gay trauma film. Weāve never ascribed to the idea that there is a subcategory to film that is LGBTQ, rather ā movies are for everyone. We want to make a movie where gay characters are flawed, not for being gay, but because of who they are. They can be villains, but they are our protagonists,ā said Craig.
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