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Bah, humbug! Pandemic exacerbates holiday blues

Take steps to reduce, even eliminate, seasonal stress

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holiday blues, gay news, Washington Blade
Idyllic scenes of the holidays may not pan out this year thanks to COVID. But with some planning, you can stay positive and help others less fortunate.

Feasting on turkey with your family. Hanukkah Harry. Santa. “A Christmas Carol.” Sugar Plum fairies. Lighting candles to celebrate Kwanzaa. Ringing in the New Year!

It’s the holidays! Happy! Happy!

Not so much. Especially during the pandemic, and if you’re queer.

There are always holiday naysayers who dread Thanksgiving, loathe “It’s a Wonderful Life” and shout, “Bah, humbug!”

Yet, in the pandemic, many of us have the “holiday blues” more acutely than we did in past holiday seasons, psychologists and LGBTQ advocates told the Blade in interviews.

The term “holiday blues” is bandied about often. Yet, its meaning isn’t always clear. The “holiday blues” isn’t a mental illness, said Elaine Rodino, a psychologist in private practice in State College, Pa.

“It’s not a diagnosable ailment. It’s a feeling of malaise,” she said, “of anxiety – of discomfort that occurs during the holidays.”

But just because the “holiday blues” isn’t pathological, doesn’t mean that feelings of anxiety, stress and sadness during the holidays aren’t painful.

Our holiday stress is nearly always related to our childhood experiences, Rodino said. “For example, if we grew up with an alcoholic parent, we’ll recall how that parent would ruin the holidays,” she said, “it would start out fine. But, by the end of the night, the parent would be drunk, hostile – angry.”

On the other hand, we may recall our childhood holidays as having been absolutely perfect. “You might remember that your Mom baked 300 cookies. They were the best in the world,” Rodino said. “You’ll feel guilty because your present doesn’t match up to your memories of past perfection.”

The pandemic with its restrictions, illness and financial losses adds an added layer of stress to the holidays, especially for the LGBTQ community and other vulnerable groups.

“One way to deal with holiday stress is to volunteer,” Rodino advised, “to soup kitchens. Include vulnerable people in your Zoom events.”

Don’t be intimidated by past holiday rituals. “Create your own traditions,” Rodino said. “If we did everything like people did in the past, we’d do things like they did in the Middle Ages.”

From Hallmark movies to endless holiday music playlists to ads showing families merrily gathering before the fire, we’re led to expect that the holidays will be filled with happiness and togetherness.

We experience the “holiday blues” when our holidays don’t live up to these cultural expectations, said Nicholas Grant, a clinical psychologist and president elect of GLMA (Health Professionals Advancing LGBTQ Equality).

In addition to this stress, many LGBTQ people experience overt or subtle homophobia or transphobia when they gather with their family of origin for the holidays, Grant, who is queer, said.

The pandemic has added layers to holiday loneliness and insecurity.

You can take steps to reduce, if not totally eliminate, holiday stress, Grant added. “Use technology like Zoom to see family and friends who you can’t see in person,” he said.

Be proactive about who you want to see over the holidays, Grant advised. If you feel that connecting with someone in your family would be stressful for you, limit your time with them. “My Dad and I have no relationship as of this year,” Grant said, “because of his behavior and politics. It’s brought up for me: how do I want to experience this holiday season?”

Doing something that’s enjoyable to you and in line with your values is a great way to cope with the holidays, he added, “whether it’s writing poetry, riding a bike, baking bread or volunteering.”

For information on coping with the “holiday blues” or finding a therapist, Grant recommends Psychology Today, psychologytoday.com.

Most cisgender, heterosexual people who go home for the holidays, even if they are of a different faith, are culturally similar to their family of origin, said psychologist Keely Kolmes. “That’s not true for all queer folks,” said Kolmes who identifies as nonbinary. “Their families often direct micro aggressions at them, leaving them feeling isolated.”

Sometimes, homophobia or transphobia can be physically unsafe. But, even subtle micro aggressions, such as a snide comment on a celeb coming out, can be hurtful, they added. (Kolmes uses the pronouns they/them.)

“I advise clients when they go home for the holidays to have an escape plan with a friend or trusted family member,” Kolmes said, “for where they can go or what they can do if things go wrong.”

LGBTQ people seeking support (such as support groups or friendly religious events) during the holidays should contact LGBTQ centers and queer-friendly houses of worship in their communities, Kolmes advised.

We often hear this overwhelming, anti-LGBTQ religious voice, said Michael Vazquez, HRC Religion & Faith Program Director. “Yet, the intensity of that voice is disproportionate,” Vazquez added, “the overwhelming majority of American people of faith are welcoming and affirming of LGBTQ people.”

“Going home – being with the family for Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa – it’s important to remember,” he said, “it’s not antithetical to be both LGBTQ and a person of faith.” (For more information, visit hrc.org/resource/religion-faith.)

Many queer people (especially trans people) are struggling to survive during the pandemic, said Anneliese Singh, a counseling psychologist and chief diversity officer at Tulane University. “I think, too, with this election, during the holidays, many of us are going to have to set boundaries with those of our families who supported Trump,” Singh, who identifies as gender queer, said.

Sometimes Trump supporters separate their votes for Trump from their love for their queer loved ones, she added, “but, for us, a vote for Trump means a vote against ourselves.”

LGBTQ people should reclaim their religious traditions – from Kwanzaa rituals to Advent services, Singh said.

“Another way to move through the ‘holiday blues,’‘ she added, “is to have a daily set of gratitude boxes. Not cheesy gratitude. But gratitude that we’re queer and survived and thrived.”

Singh and her partner connected 10 years ago during the holidays.

“Christmas Eve is a special night for us,” she said, “it’s when we first got together. Every Christmas we think: How do we want to celebrate our relationship?”

Even before the pandemic, the holidays were difficult for queer and trans youth, said Adalphie Johnson, director of programs for SMYAL (Supporting and Mentoring Youth Advocates and Leaders). “Some are homeless. Some are in unsafe spaces,” she said, “they’re not able to express themselves as far as clothing, etc.”

Youth are often unable to bring their partners to family holiday gatherings. “The pandemic with its social distancing adds to the social isolation,” Johnson said.

SMYAL is working to create safe virtual holiday events for youth, said Johnson, who is queer. “We’re sending out gift cards so they can order food and virtually eat together,” she added. “We ensure that the young people have all the fixings and trimmings.”

When young people get together with their families, SMYAL advises them to have one or two people they can call or text if they feel unsafe.

During her youth, “the most difficult thing during the holidays was that I didn’t know who in my family – like my aunts – would accept my girlfriend,” Johnson said.

(For more information and resources, visit: smyal.org, thetrevorproject.org, gsanetwork.org and glsen.org)

The holidays can be hard for everyone of every age, including LGBTQ elders. Older LGBTQ people are more likely to feel lonely during the holidays because they’re more likely to live alone, be single and not have children, said Bill Gross, assistant director of special programs for SAGE.

SAGE’s services for older LGBTQ people range from a friendly visitor program to a hotline run by volunteers trained in crisis counseling. The hotline, open 24/7, 365 days a year, including the holidays, provides free support in English and Spanish (with translation services in 180 languages). (For information, visit sageusa.org.)

Richard Daniels, a performer, is a member of SAGE’s New York City affiliate. Daniels was in “Help,” a play by poet and writer Claudia Rankine. The play shut down after two previews because of COVID. “The holidays will be no different. We’ll still be in quarantine,” Daniels said.

Daniels and his husband love Thanksgiving. “We’re Jewish. We don’t do much for Hanukkah or Christmas,” he said, “but Thanksgiving’s the one holiday where we love to get together with people — family, friends, out-of-town visitors — people with nowhere to go.”

“We still have much to be grateful for,” Daniels added, “we don’t drink. But we’d love to share a piece of pie on Zoom on Thanksgiving.”

‘With this election, during the holidays, many of us are going to have to set boundaries with those of our families who supported Trump,’ said Anneliese Singh, chief diversity officer at Tulane University.
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From Media Matters to massive queer ragers: the rise of Tara Dikhof

The Washington Blade sits down with the DJ and drag star on her summer tour, rise to prominence, and how Musk helped shape her path.

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Tara Dikhof is ready for Queer Chaos in D.C. (Photo courtesy of Alejandro Carvajal)

Before becoming the “full-time party girl” with the power to turn any room with Instagram Reels into a dingy dance floor packed with queer people — at least for a minute or two — Tara Dikhof was much like a lot of queer Washingtonians: upset at how the first Trump administration quickly began attacking marginalized communities’ rights, and in need of a creative, constructive outlet.

“I used to be a journalist at Media Matters, where I worked on our online extremism and LGBTQ program,” Tara Dikhof told the Blade when asked how she became the actualized drag performer she is today. “I did extensive work documenting how the right wing media ecosystem poisons the debate on queer issues — and spreads virulent lies about LGBTQ people online.”

Media Matters is a nonprofit that describes itself as a “progressive research and information center” with the goal of “monitoring, analyzing, and correcting conservative misinformation in the U.S. media.”

Tara, who, while working at Media Matters lived up to that goal. She wrote — or assisted the media watchdog with — more than 150 articles for the web-based organization. While she covered a wide variety of topics, she became a leading voice covering Joe Rogan during her tenure as a senior researcher for the LGBTQ Program at Media Matters.

Tara Dikhof in one of her usual, over the top, queer fantastical outfits she wears when DJ-ing and performing. (Photo courtesy of Alejandro Carvajal)

“I think some of my most impactful work from my time at Media Matters was when I was the leading journalist reporting on Joe Rogan’s extremism and right wing misinformation. I broke the story that he was encouraging young people not to get the COVID vaccine,” Dikhof said. “I reported that the presidential debates hadn’t asked a question about LGBTQ issues since the 2000s. I also led a study looking at TV news reporting on anti-trans violence, showing that TV news stations, cable and broadcast combined, collectively reported on anti-trans violence for less than an hour almost every year.”

In addition to media coverage, Dikhof also worked on the inside as a Truman-Albright Fellow and policy analyst at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, working to improve the health and safety of Americans.

That effort was recognized from both sides of the political aisle. She and her detailed research appeared in a slew of outlets, includingDemocracy Now!, The Atlantic, and even the Blade’s West Coast sister publication, the LA Blade, among others. While her work began making headlines informing people about the dangers of under coverage of LGBTQ issues, it also garnered attention from staunch anti-LGBTQ voices.

One of those voices — and the one Dikhof ultimately credits as the reason she bowed out of the media watchdog world — was Elon Musk. Musk, the CEO of Tesla, founder and chief engineer of SpaceX, and owner of X, was not pleased with coverage of the platform’s questionable practices under his leadership. The app relaxed censorship policies, dissolved its Trust and Safety Council, and reinstated thousands of previously banned accounts — many of them far-right accounts found to be pushing harmful misinformation and disinformation.

“He was trying to silence fact-based journalism that revealed that his platform X was running advertisements next to Nazi content,” Dikhof said. “When you’re facing lawsuits against the richest man in the world, unfortunately, the facts don’t matter as much.”

She said it led to her being let go from the media watchdog organization — something she had worked so long to help grow awareness about the dangers of growing authoritarianism on platforms and across the airwaves.

“That was incredibly devastating. I dedicated my entire adult life to the progressive movement, to trying to stop right wing misinformation, and to have that drop out from under me was defeating, to say the least. But you can’t keep a powerful girl down.”

She didn’t stay down for long. She tapped into the drag and DJ world after leaving the nation’s capital. Since then, she has expanded on her drag journey and opened for some of the world’s biggest performers — from Aliyah’s Interlude, to Violet Chachki, to massive pop superstar Chappell Roan. It seems the Dikhof rocket has taken off and doesn’t look like it’s slowing down.

Tara Dikhof DJ-ing for a huge, queer crowd. (Photo courtesy of Adrianna Dirany)

That switch, she explained, has her feeling like she is doing more for the LGBTQ community than she could at Media Matters.

“I started throwing parties and community events for queer people in Boston, and I now throw parties for over 1,200 people a month,” she said. “I honestly don’t feel like I’ve ever had more of an impact on queer and trans people than I am now. I believe, from the bottom of my heart, that getting a group of LGBTQ people in a room together and letting them radically express themselves through dance and movement and to build new friendships and to find the love of their life — is a radical act.”

Her goal is simple — provide a place for LGBTQ people, specifically trans people, to let down their hair — or in her case, giant wigs and fantastical headpieces — and just dance.

“I’m just trying to give people a space to exist, which for a lot of queer and trans people right now is not something they can do. They don’t feel safe at work, they don’t feel safe at home, they don’t feel safe in public, and the one oasis that they can access is the gay club. It’s a place where they can dress however they want, they can love whoever they want.”

That radical act, she explained, should be as inclusive as America is diverse. She sees the waves of conservatism that have hit the federal government — and state offices around the country swinging to the right — reflected in the nightlife scene she encounters. LGBTQ clubs have long been a proxy for the social standards in mainstream America, which often focus heavily on young, white, cisgender men.

“It is one of the most connecting things we can do while we’re on this planet. My guiding light is, I am trying to build dance floors that are multigenerational and multiracial. I’m trying to start a new chapter in queer nightlife, where dance floors aren’t just dominated by white, buff gay men.”

While in-person nightlife has led to a diverse dance floor thumping with bops from Slayyyter’s new release “Wor$t Girl In America” to gay club classics like Ariana Grande’s “Into You” — with wild-haired Dikhof at the helm in looks that could make even Cher do a double take — her rise has also been immensely assisted by some of the very platforms she once called out while living in Washington.

She has amassed quite the following — 142,000 followers on Instagram, 2.6 million likes on TikTok, and thousands of streams on SoundCloud.

Despite this growing and visibly powerful media presence, she has hard limits on when and where she deems it appropriate. The dance floor is not always one of those places — not just due to the growing data on the harm social media causes to users’ health, but also to stay true to her goal of helping the LGBTQ community become a stronger, more accepting place.

“Social media promises connection and relationships, but it’s not true. What we actually need is a way for people to put their phones down and connect with others in real life,” she said. “I’m trying to build a coalition that represents the true power of the LGBTQ community, where we can all exist in harmony together. At a lot of my parties, I have a no-phones policy, because what I want people to do is disconnect from social media, disconnect from our system of mass surveillance, and just be present for a few hours.”

Tara Dikhof getting “FERAL” at her monthly party. (Photo courtesy of ZIGGSPHOTO)

“For my party, Feral, which is [a] no-phones LGBTQ rager, at the door before anyone enters the party, we tell them our party’s policies, and we make sure they have a verbal yes agreeing to them,” she said. “Those policies are no phones, no photos, no videos on the dance floor, treat yourself and others with respect.”

She sees this intentional inclusivity as a major way to combat the hate trickling down from the Trump-Vance administration and regurgitated by mainstream media organizations that feed into that bias.

“I believe that we can create, and we can continue to build radical change in this country on the dance floor. So much mainstream media has consistently allowed conservative media to set the terms of debate for LGBTQ rights. Mainstream media outlets like the Washington Post, outlets like New York Times, put trans rights up for debate when we can all agree that human rights are not something that we can debate.”

She continued, explaining that the bias mainstream media imposes — like with The New York Times’ consistently criticized coverage of transgender people, which often has little or no actual transgender voices in its reporting — frames these issues as cultural debates rather than basic human rights.

“These mainstream outlets don’t debunk those claims. They don’t push back on them. We need to say that lesbians belong at the gay club. We need to say that we don’t tolerate anti-Black discrimination at the gay club. We need to say that trans people deserve to be loud and messy in the gay club, just like everyone else gets to.”

She explained that what she is trying to do is simple in theory — make the space truly a dance haven for everyone in the community.

“What I’m really trying to do is I’m trying to open a portal of transcendence. I’m trying to create magical moments where all of the problems in the world drop out of your mind.”

Dikhof attempts to do this, she explained, by tapping into that deeply human — and animalistic — need for connection.

“Humans are primates and primates are animals that need physical touch. We need community spaces, and increasingly, with social media, late stage capitalism, and a horrible economic outlook, people don’t have a public forum to connect with others. There have been nights where I have taken a $3,000 loss, but it’s part of it.”

To her, the value queer nightlife gives to the community can’t be measured by ticket sales or ad clicks — it’s measured by acts of queer joy and defiance that echo the community’s need for broader survival in an era of book bans and hostility for the sake of cruelty.

“All we need is a room for four hours, a DJ, a working sound system, and a community that cares about protecting each other. If you have that, you can create total bliss. I think the beauty and transcendence of queer nightlife is something that Republican lawmakers will probably never understand.”

She sees the dance floor as just as important for queer people as the Senate floor. Not separate from politics — it is politics.

“I do believe that having queer community spaces is an integral part of political organizing. We cannot let the bastards steal our joy. Getting out of the house and being loudly queer is a form of resistance.”

Tara Dikhof dancing at one of her “FERAL” shows. (Photo courtesy of ZIGGSPHOTO)

“Right now, I’m really living my wildest dreams and I’m hungry. This is just the beginning for Tara Dikhof. We’re living in a society where we have Paleolithic emotions, medieval institutions, and God like technology, and I am going to use that God like technology to the best of my ability.”

Tara Dikhof is currently on her summer tour, starting at Project GLOW for Queer Chaos in Washington. She will return — after crisscrossing the country — to perform at Bunker on June 20 during Capital Pride weekend.

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What is queer food?

Two experts tackle unique question in conference, books

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The 2026 Queer Food Conference was held earlier this month in Montreal. (Photo courtesy the conference)

Just as humans have always had meals, queer humans, too, have enjoyed meals. Yet what is it that makes “queer food” distinct?

At the beginning of May in Montreal, the Queer Food Conference 2026 sought not to answer that question, but to further interrogate it. The conference united scholars, activists, artists, journalists, farmers, chefs, and other food industry professionals for three days of panels, workshops, discussions, and, yes, meals, in an inclusive, thoughtful, contemplative-yet-whimsical environment, taking a comprehensive view of the landscape of queer food.

The two organizers – Professor Alex Ketchum, at the Institute for Gender, Sexuality, and Feminist Studies of McGill University in Montreal, and Professor Megan Elias, Director of Food Studies & Gastronomy at Boston University – met in 2022 when Elias acted as a peer reviewer for Ketchum’s second book, “Ingredients for a Revolution,” a wide-ranging history of more than 230 feminist and lesbian-feminist restaurants, cafes, and coffeehouses from 1972 to the present in the US.

Elias, taken by the book and its exploration, invited Ketchum to speak at one of Elias’s courses, at which pastries were served and feminist bread making was baked into conversation. Elias floated the idea of co-organizing a queer food conference – and a hot 24 hours later, Ketchum said yes, with plans sketched out, from grants to topics to speakers. In parallel, the duo started to conceptualize “Queers at the Table,” a book based on their work (published last year).

The conference, the book, the research: their work is, in part, grounded in the question: What is queer food? True to queer theory, each has her own nuanced response as drivers of their research, challenging the traditional and looking beyond norms of food studies. Ketchum’s view is that it is grounded on food by and for the queer community, in specific histories, and especially in the labor behind the food. Elias posits that queer food is at the intersection of queerness and culinary studies, beyond gender norms and binaries, back to the societal basics of queer food as part of queer humans always having meals. “Queer food destabilizes assumptions about food, gender and sexuality, making space for a wider range of relationships to food,” she says.

The academics’ professed enthusiasm, however, rarely reached beyond small circles.

“I regularly attended big food studies conferences, but almost never saw presentations about gender identity beyond women’s roles,” says Elias about her prior work, and when her students would ask for additional literature about sexuality and food, results had been sparse. Ketchum echoed this gap: When she was in graduate studies, she received hesitation from leadership about her chosen field of study. By 2024, however, queer food as an area of study and practice had grown, whether in popular culture or well as in publishing, setting the stage for the first Queer Food Conference in 2024 in Boston. Their aim at that even was to launch the subfield of queer food studies into the mainstream, so that fellow academics, students, and those interested in the space could convene, “creating space for others to build,” says Ketchum. “People were enthusiastic.”

Once Ketchum and Elias published “Queers at the Table” in 2025 (notably, gay author John Birdsall also published a book examining queer identity through food last year, “What Is Queer Food?”), they laid the foundation for the 2026 conference in Montreal. This edition was an “embodied” conference, inclusive of various ontologies in queer food studies: theory, labor, art, taste, an interdisciplinary, expansive grounding.

Topics ranged from cookbooks and influencers to farming and land movements, bars and cafes, brewing and baking, history and sociology, writing and printmaking, healthcare and community, and centering marginalized – especially trans – voices.

Naturally, food was centered. The conference’s keynotes were not academics, but the chefs themselves who created the food with their own hands that attendees ate over the three days. “Not to disregard a pure academic space,” says Ketchum, “but to not have food in a room when we talk about food would be wild.”

Jackson Tucker, a Distinguished Graduate Fellow at the University of Delaware, said that “What I found [at the conference] was a genuinely diverse gathering: scholars who did grounded social research but also practitioners, organizers, and people who had never thought about an academic conference in their lives and didn’t need to. That mix is the soul of this whole project for me. Without the people who are out in the world doing queer food, the conference wouldn’t exist.”

Ketchum – her home being Montreal – also worked to fold in community-driven events so that attendees could get a taste of queer food in the city outside of classroom walls; for example, attendees participated in a collaborative evening pizza-making class at a queer-owned pizzeria.

The interdisciplinary nature of the conference led to sharing of research, thoughts, activities, and planning. There was a “value of bringing people together of different backgrounds, which leads to richer discussion,” she says.

Elias picked up on this theme: “I saw people bonding and connecting and believing in Queer Food Studies,” – one of the central goals that Ketchum noted, further legitimizing a nascent field. As both professors continue their research and leadership, they envision a continued layering of centering the queer experience and community through the shared value and study of food.

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Gay Men’s Chorus celebrates 45 years at annual gala

‘Sapphire & Sparkle’ Spring Affair held at the Ritz Carlton

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17th Street Dance performs at the Gay Men's Chorus of Washington's Spring Affair 'Sapphire & Sparkle' gala at the Ritz Carlton Washington, D.C. on Saturday, May 16. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

The Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington held the annual Spring Affair gala at the Ritz Carlton Washington, D.C. on Saturday. The theme for this year’s fete was “Sapphire & Sparkle.” The chorus celebrated 45 years in D.C. with musical performances, food, entertainment, and an awards ceremony.

Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington Executive Director Justin Fyala and Artistic Director Thea Kano gave welcoming speeches. Opening remarks were delivered by Spring Affair co-chairs Tracy Barlow and Tomeika Bowden. Uproariously funny comedian Murray Hill performed a stand-up set and served as the emcee.

There were performances by Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington groups Potomac Fever, 17th Street Dance, the Rock Creek Singers, Seasons of Love, and the GenOUT Youth Chorus.

Anjali Murthy speaks at the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington’s Spring Affair on Saturday, May 16. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Anjali Murthy, a member of the chorus and a graduate of the GenOUT Youth Chorus, addressed the attendees of the gala.

“The LGBTQ+ community isn’t bound by blood ties: we are brought together by shared experience,” Murthy said. “Being Gen Z, I grew up with Ellen [DeGeneres] telling me through the TV screen that it gets better: that one day, it’ll all be okay. The sentiment isn’t wrong, but it’s passive. What I’ve learned from GMCW is that our future is something we practice together. It exists because people like you continue to show up for it, to believe in the possibilities of what we’re still becoming”

The event concluded with the presentation of the annual Harmony Awards. This year’s awardees included local drag artist and activist Tara Hoot, the human rights organization Rainbow Railroad as well as Rocky Mountain Arts Association Executive Director, Dr. Chipper Dean.

(Washington Blade photos and videos by Michael Key)

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