Books
Geena Davis kicked ass onscreen long before she did in real life
Iconic actress revisits her ‘Polite’ life in new memoir
‘Dying of Politeness: A Memoir’
By Geena Davis
c.2022, Harper One
$28.99/288 pages
Years ago, a colleague videotaped me as I apologized for bumping into a desk. “I’m sorry,” I said to this inanimate object, “I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings.”
If you’re terminally polite, love kick-ass movies and worship bad-asses, you’ll lap up “Dying of Politeness: A Memoir” by badass, feminist, Academy-Award-winning actor and activist Geena Davis.
In the memoir (Davis’s debut as an author), Davis, 66, tells entertaining, sometimes moving, stories about her wide-ranging life: from her childhood (her parents were more polite than Emily Post ever dreamt of) to her acting career to finishing in 24th place in archery in the 2000 Summer Olympics trials.
Davis, a queer and feminist icon, has been in many movies. Her awards include an Oscar for best supporting actress for her portrayal of dog trainer Muriel Prichett in “The Accidental Tourist,” the adaptation of the Anne Tyler novel of the same name. Davis watched her boyfriend (Jeff Goldblum) turn into an insect in “The Fly” and played Barbara in the comedy-horror picture “Beetlejuice.”
Davis is loved by LGBTQ folk for her work in two 1990s classics.
In 1991, she was Thelma (Susan Sarandon was Louise) in “Thelma and Louise,” the classic film that made many women cheer and a lot of men squirm.
Just a year later, Davis was Dottie in the movie that’s still a fave of hetero and queer girls and women — “A League of Their Own.” Unlike the series with the same name recently released by Amazon Prime, the film has no explicitly queer characters. But with Madonna (Mae) and Rosie O’Donnell (Doris), the picture has a fab queer quotient.
You’d think, after watching Davis as Thelma and Dottie, that the Oscar-winning actor leapt from her mother’s womb as a badass.
But it’s clear from the get-go that it took more than a minute for Davis to emerge as her badass self. Davis could easily have titled not only the first chapter of her memoir, but the entire book, “My Journey to Badassery.”
“I kicked ass onscreen way before I did so in real life,” Davis writes.
But, “Dying of Politeness” is a more than apt title for the memoir. Her parents were loving, but polite to the point of absurdity.
They insisted that Davis say “no thank you, I’m not thirsty” “even if someone was handing me an already poured glass of ice water,” Davis writes.
One of Davis’s childhood memories was of the time her 99-year-old great-uncle drove her and her family to his house. The relative kept veering into the oncoming “if blessedly empty,” traffic lane, she recalls. Rather than saying anything, “my parents simply moved me to the spot between them on the back seat,” Davis writes, “thinking, I presume, that when the inevitable head-on collision occurred, I’d be killed a little less in the middle.”
The humor in this anecdote of a childhood brush with death is typical of the wit sprinkled throughout “Dying of Politeness.”
Davis, who grew up in Wareham, Mass., decided at age 3 that she wanted to be in the movies. After studying acting at Boston University, Davis left college and moved to New York.
Davis may have been as she writes, “a cripplingly polite New Englander,” but she wasn’t lacking in chutzpah.
In New York, Davis worked as a Lord and Taylor sales clerk. On a dare, she joined a group of mannequins in a café scene in the department store window. Soon, people lined up to watch her perform in street theater.
Davis got her first movie role in “Tootsie” after Sidney Pollack saw her pictures in the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. Dustin Hoffman, starring in the movie, mentored her. He told her not to sleep with her co-stars.
The memoir is more than entertaining. Davis writes of sexual harassment, her effort to create inclusion in Hollywood by founding the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media and how her dad cared for her mom when she had dementia.
It’s hard to think of a timelier book than “Dying of Politeness” in our current political climate. Badassery is needed now more than ever.
The Blade may receive commissions from qualifying purchases made via this post.
Books
Fall books offer something for every taste
Hollinghurst’s latest plus a look at Queer Harlem Renaissance
Welcome to the fall book season, where you’ll find gifts for your friends, family and (most importantly?) the best reads for yourself. This is when you’ll find the blockbuster novels you’ve been waiting for, the surprise memoirs and nonfiction that you’ve wanted, and gorgeous gift books your coffee table. This fall, keep your eyes open for all kinds of literary goodness.
NOVELS
Lovers of a good novel will want to curl up with a huge TBR pile.
Romance novels will fill the shelves this fall, and if love is what you want for the holidays, you’re in luck. Look for “The Rules of Royalty” by Cale Dietrich (Wednesday Books, December), a modern tale of a prince and a “commoner”; or “Feast While You Can” by Mikealla Clements and Onjuli Datta (Grand Central Publishing), a scary-romance-erotica novel of small-town life and monsters.
Reach for “Our Evenings: A Novel” by Alan Hollinghurst (Random House, October), a novel of a young man who happily accepts a scholarship to a boarding school filled with classmates who are much, much wealthier than he is. “The Wildes: A Novel in Five Acts” by Louis Bayard (Algonquin Books, September) is a historical novel about Oscar Wilde’s family.
For lovers of Gothic tales, look for “The Resurrectionist” by A. Rae Dunlap (Kensington, December), a tale of bodysnatching. Classics lovers will want to read “Private Rites: A Novel” by Julia Armfield (Flatiron Books, December), a queer reimagining of King Lear. Or find “Women’s Hotel” by Daniel M. Lavery (HarperVia, October), a book about a second-rate women-only hotel in New York City.
If your taste runs more to rom-coms, there are dozens of those available this fall, too, as well as Christmas novels with gay, lesbian, and trans characters inside.
NONFICTION
Even nonfiction readers will have reason to read this fall and winter.
Look for “Flamboyants: The Queer Harlem Renaissance I Wish I’d Known” by George M. Johnson and Charly Palmer (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, September), a book about 1920s Harlem and the influential queer folks who left their marks on entertainment.
“Something, Not Nothing” by Sarah Leavitt (Arsenal Pulp Press, September) chronicles, in comic form, the death of Leavitt’s partner and the paths grief takes to healing. Learn more about LGBTQ history with “The Book of Awesome Queer Heroes: How the LGBTQ+ Community Changed the World for the Better” by Eric Rosswood and Kathleen Archambeau (Mango, December); check out Mary L. Trump’s heartbreaking memoir, “Who Could Ever Love You?” (St. Martin’s Press, September); or check out a collection of essays in “Songs On Endless Repeat: Essays and Outtakes” by Anthony Veasna So (Ecco, December). Look for “Want: Sexual Fantasies by Anonymous,” an anthology of secret confessions from women around the country, by Gillian Anderson (Abrams Press, September), or find “Queer Disability through History: The Queer and Disabled Movements Through Their Personalities” by Daisy Holder (Pen and Sword History, November). Also: Cher has a new biography out this fall, “The Memoir, Part One” (Dey Street Books, November).
Not quite what you’re looking for? Check with your favorite bookseller or librarian for more ideas because, this fall, they’ll have lots of them. Or give a gift certificate and hold on for spring. Season’s readings!
Books
Two books to read when your child comes out as trans
Explaining what science knows about genetics and sexuality
‘Free to Be: Understanding Kids & Gender Identity’
By Jack Turban, MD
c.2024, Atria
$29.99/304 pages
‘My Child is Trans, Now What?’
By Ben V. Greene
c.2024, Rowman & Littlefield
$26.95/203 pages
Your child has recently told you a secret that they can’t hold tight anymore.
You’ve suspected what they’re about to say for a long time. When they were small, they weren’t like other children. They may have even told you what they were thinking, even before they knew it themselves. But now you know, for sure, and so, going forward, you’re the loving parent of a child who’s trans, and there’s a learning curve.
These two books might help.
Surely, you must think that there has to be some science behind gender and identity, right? In “Free to Be: Understanding Kids & Gender Identity” by Jack Turban, MD (Atria, $29.99), you’ll follow the lives and struggles of three trans and gender diverse kids, Kyle, Sam, and Meredith, as Turban explains what science knows about genetics and sexuality.
To gain a basic understanding of the subject, says Turban, we need to look back in history to see how gender identity was perceived in the past and the attitudes that our ancestors held. He then touches upon language and “misnaming,” how social constructs attempt to set a child’s gender identity before it’s fully known, and why mothers often catch “blame” for something that’s never anyone’s “fault.” Further information on biology, puberty blockers, gender reassignment surgery for young trans people, and the “politics” of gender diversity round out this book nicely.
For the parent who wants a deeper dive into what makes their child tick and what they can do to make that kid’s life easier, this compassionate book is the one to read.
If you’re just finding out that your child is trans, then “My Child is Trans, Now What?” by Ben V. Greene (Rowman & Littlefield, $26.95) is a book to reach for now.
Beginning with the things you’ll want to know and understand immediately, this book is assuring and soothing – look, and you’ll see the word “joy” in its subtitle. Greene calls trans kids “VIPs,” and he means it, which sets a relaxing tone for what’s to come here.
In sharing his own experiences, Greene stresses that every trans experience is different, and he touches often upon his coming out. This launches discussions on topics like bathrooms, therapy (if you or your VIP want it), finding support, the politics of being trans, the stressors of medical treatment, and what it might be like to have even brief regrets. Greene finishes his book with advice on getting an education and living as a trans person.
“My Child is Trans, Now What?” is truly more of a book for parents and loved ones of trans teens or young adults. What’s in here goes well beyond childhood, so be aware before you reach for it on the shelf. And if these books aren’t enough, or don’t quite fit what you need, be sure to ask your favorite bookseller or librarian for more. In recent years, more and more authors have been willing to share their own journeys, making the transition one that doesn’t have to be so secret anymore.
‘Blessings’
By Chukwuebuka Ibeh
c.2024, Doubleday
$28/288 pages
Sometimes you just need to step back a minute.
You need time to regroup, to think things through, and a scenery change is the place to do it. Get past your current position, and situations can become clearer somehow. Thoughts can be reorganized. Problems pivot. As in the new novel “Blessings” by Chukwuebuka Ibeh, you’ll have a different perspective.
Obiefuna didn’t say much on the road to the seminary.
What was there to say? His father had caught him in a too-cozy situation with a young man who’d been taken in as an apprentice and for that, Obiefuna was being sent away. Away from his mother, his younger brother, Ekene, and from the young man that 15-year-old Obiefuna was in love with.
Life in seminary was bad – Obiefuna was always on alert for Seniors, who were said to be abusive because abuse was allowed, even encouraged – but things weren’t as bad as he thought they might be. He made friends and good grades but he missed his mother. Did she suspect he was gay? Obiefuna wanted to tell her, but he hid who he was.
Mostly, he kept to himself until he caught the eye of Senior Papilo, who was said to be the cruelest of the cruel. Amazingly, though, Senior Papilo became Obiefuna’s protector, letting Obiefuna stay in his bed, paying for Obi’s first experience with a woman, making sure Obiefuna had better food. Maybe Obiefuna loved Senior Papilo but Senior had other boys, which made Obi work twice as hard to be his favorite. Still, he hid.
And then Senior Papilo passed his final exams and moved on.
So, eventually, did Obiefuna. Sure, there were other boys – one who almost got him expelled, a chaplain who begged forgiveness, and there was even a girl once – but Obi grew up and fully embraced his truth: All he wanted was to be accepted for himself, to be loved.
As Nigeria moved toward making same-sex marriage illegal, though, neither one looked likely.
So here’s the puzzle: the story inside “Blessings” is interesting. Obiefuna is a great character who takes what happens with quiet compliance, as if he long ago relinquished hope that he could ever control his own life. Instead, he passively lets those who surround him take the reins and though reasons for this are not clearly stated and it’s uncomfortable, it’s easy to grasp and accept why. This goes, too, for the Seniors whose actions readers will tacitly understand.
What’s not easy to accept is that author Chukwuebuka Ibeh’s story often slows to a glacial pace, with great chunks of the book’s multi-year timeline crunched into basically only highlights. You’ll be left loving this story but hating its stride.
The best advice is to embrace this moving novel’s message and accept the slowness, love the excellent characters, but don’t be surprised if you find yourself checking to see how many pages you have left to crawl through. Yes, you’ll enjoy the soul-touching cast in “Blessings” but if speed in a plot supersedes good characters, then step back.
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