Opinions
Religious trauma drastically impacts queer community
Local therapist targets mental health buzzword of the year
It took me almost 20 years to figure out I’d been in a pseudo religious cult. Born female, I wasn’t allowed to cut my hair or wear pants and there was that one time when I was nine years old that I’d heard our pastor scolding my father about being more careful I didn’t “turn out to be a lesbian.” Spoiler alert: He was unsuccessful.
Now as a full-time therapist in private practice in Arlington, Va., I’ve begun to notice that, since peak pandemic, religious trauma has become the mental health buzzword of the year.
Defined by the Global Center for Religious Research, religious trauma results from an event, series of events, relationships, or circumstances within or connected to religious beliefs, practices, or structures that is experienced by an individual as overwhelming or disruptive and has lasting adverse effects on a person’s physical, mental, social, emotional, or spiritual well-being. Before we had an official term for it, people often referred to the concept as “church hurt” or “temple torment” and other more colloquial expressions to indicate the same thing—the source of their pain lies in the foundation of religion and religious people.
Yet, it wasn’t until 2019 that the term was even coined and it’s still vastly unreported how it disproportionately impacts the queer community.
Churches and religious centers have long had a stronghold on community gatherings, and when everyone was sent home in March of 2020, an interesting phenomenon began to happen. People stopped going to church — some of them for the first time in their lives. Sure, most churches were able to pivot to online programming and live streams, but suddenly people who’d never questioned where they would be on a Saturday or a Sunday were being forced to take time and space to examine what they were doing, and most importantly, why.
Growing up in high-demand, high-control religious settings of any kind can have a drastic impact on a developing brain. The cognitive disruption caused by the pandemic — an unprecedented moment in time where everyone had to stop the routines they were used to —allowed for many people to begin to put words to the impact religious trauma had had on our cognitive, social, and psychological well-beings.
One of the most fulfilling, and yet most dangerous, aspects of religion is that it creates a framework for one to view the world and their place in it. In the right hands, this can be comforting and helpful and give people a sense of purpose and belonging. However, it’s also a vulnerable area that attracts humans solely seeking to satisfy their own desires through positions of power within religion. Suddenly that framework becomes an easy tool for self-serving purposes—and religious trauma is the result.
Being queer in a predominantly heteronormative culture means automatically being born outside the framework of society with only a linear map of identity based in doctrine that never seems to quite line up.
As a therapist with mostly queer clients, I find myself constantly working to help people deconstruct this framework in terms of how one thinks—example, reducing occurrences of black/white thinking which is rooted in the concept of good vs. evil, and nothing in between—and how one values themselves in the world. The impacts can be seen in other areas, like social anxiety and learning how to build community outside of a church setting, or empowering oneself to define spirituality and a relationship with a Higher Power by their own terms, or through obligatory relationships and lack of boundaries in familial relationships. The list of ways it impacts people can go on and on, including more severe symptoms like substance abuse, suicidal ideation, and complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Often times, people don’t even know to tie these back to origins in religious trauma and have instead internalized these issues as results of their own perceived inadequacy or brokenness.
The reality is that the queer community is at a disadvantage of often not being welcomed into the very places that center our trauma and also purport to be what can heal that trauma. This means advocating for ourselves, finding healthy and impartial avenues of support for religious trauma, and going to a hell of a lot of therapy.
Sarah Nealy, LPC, is a trauma-informed psychotherapist in the D.C. area who specializes in queer struggles, mixed-orientation relationships, and religious trauma in the queer community. Visit sarahnealylpc.com.
Opinions
Is Pete Hegseth’s nomination Trump’s sick joke?
GOP senators must reject unqualified Fox News host
Of all of Trump’s problematic Cabinet nominees, Pete Hegseth’s stands out as a sick joke. Unfortunately, if he is confirmed, the joke will be on the world.
Hegseth has ZERO qualifications to be Secretary of Defense. If merely serving in the military (and I thank him for his service in the National Guard) constitutes an acceptable qualification, then millions of veterans are qualified. While so many of them would be better qualified than Hegseth, they are still not qualified simply based on their service, and I think nearly all would agree on that.
The Department of Defense is one of the largest organizations in the world and the most lethal. What is coming out now as people look at Hegseth’s past is he was apparently forced to step down from one small veterans’ rights non-profit based on financial, and other issues. Then there are the issues his mother brought to light when he was in the process of divorcing his second wife, when she sent him an email saying he was a sleazebag all his life when it came to his dealing with women.
Then there are the allegations of excessive drinking from a number of sources, including those who worked with him at Fox News. So, it’s not just one thing, it’s a host of things added to his admission that he was investigated for sexual assault, and then paid off the woman who made the allegations. Hegseth’s views on the LGBTQ community have been made clear a number of times. GLAAD reported, “such as when he opposed the New York Times’s decision to announce same-sex marriages writing ‘that it was a path to incest and bestiality: At what point does the paper deem a ‘relationship’ unfit for publication? What if we ‘loved’ our sister and wanted to marry her? Or maybe two women at the same time? A 13-year-old? The family dog?”
Were he to be confirmed, we would be the laughing stock of the world. I am pretty confident that there will be at least four Republican senators who will vote against his confirmation, if it’s not withdrawn before a vote. How could Sen. Joni Ernst (R-Iowa) herself a veteran who served overseas during the Iraq war, vote for someone who has said women should not be allowed in combat? Ernst herself is clearly more qualified to hold the position than Hegseth. I am not supporting her, but compared to Hegseth, she is the superior choice. But then most people compared to Hegseth would be better. I see Ernst is now kowtowing to Trump, going as far as saying she is keeping an open mind on Hegseth, but it will be interesting if the FBI investigation comes up with even more negative reports on him.
The Republicans in the Senate are faced with working with Trump. They can go along with every dumb thing he wants to do, or face his wrath. I am betting there are four senators who will not go along with everything. They will show they have some balls. While I can’t off-hand name the four, it is my hope and prayer, they will materialize.
We are living in a weird world where Trump can nominate Tulsi Gabbard as Director of National Intelligence , another nominee with absolutely no qualifications. Her support of deposed Syrian dictator Assad may come back to haunt her. Then there is Trump nominee Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. as Secretary of HHS, with his dangerous views on healthcare. Republicans will somehow have to deal with these nominations and now they have added a new issue. Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah) tweeted, “It will be my objective to phase out Social Security, to pull it out by the roots.” We will see what the Senate does with that, and what the House of Representatives does with it. We will be looking to see what the views of the person Trump named to head the Social Security Administration, Frank Bisignano, thinks. Let’s hope the Senate committee vetting him will ask detailed questions. Then Mike Johnson, Speaker of the House, hasn’t guaranteed he won’t support some cuts to Social Security.
If Congress cuts either Social Security or Medicare, it just might be the fastest way for Democrats to take back the House in 2026.
Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist.
Opinions
Navigating the holidays while estranged from ultra-religious, abusive parents
I never regretted decision to separate myself from my family
It will be the fifth Christmas season I will have as a person who is estranged from their ultra-religious and abusive parents.
I have never seriously regretted my decision to estrange my family, despite it sometimes felt tough. Well, I regret not seeing my little brother, but all communication with him was controlled by my parents, and without them I was estranged from him as well. Hope he will find me one day, but I didn’t mourn not having my parents near me, more like I’m mourning a perfect family I dreamed about and never actually had.
The holiday season could bring an additional toughness for people like me, especially now, when more and more families are broken apart by a political turmoil that shattered and polarized American society after the election. Donald Trump winning the 2024 presidential election is more than just a regular political event; it is a social phenomenon that shows a lot of American trends.
Gen Z and Millennial adults are less likely to become Republicans and Trump supporters than their parents and grandparents who are Baby Boomers, Gen X, or members of the Silent Generation. Of course, it is not universal, because Trump somehow managed to win the hearts of alienated young men, while some Boomers turned left in this election. Not all LGBT people are Democrats, but the vast majority of them are.
This year the LGBT electorate moved away from Trump even more dramatically than in the previous election. Many young LGBT people felt like they were betrayed by the older generation and their cis-hetero peers; LGBT youth felt scared, angry, and helpless. Despite the fact that the majority of LGBT people are leftists and liberals who generally do not support free arms trading, after Trump’s victory, more and more LGBT people — and cis/hetero women — bought guns and are learning how to defend themselves. Folks do not feel safe near Trumpists!
You may see what tension exists in the society if LGBT people need to take such a radical step as arming themselves or cutting family ties. And during the holidays, when our culture pushes families to meet together and makes you believe that there is something deeply wrong with you if you do not want to spend the festive season with your loved ones, this tension could move from streets to houses and could lead to serious problems.
It is particularly tough when we are speaking about conservative religious families that do not accept their queer children and siblings. Despite the fact that Christmas has had less religious and more cultural meaning in recent decades, it is still a deeply religious holiday, and so that day all the religious-based, bigoted, homophobic, transphobic, and biphobic conversations with well-meaning relatives who “just wanted to save your soul” will be more likely to accrue. It is especially true for white families. Despite the majority of Black religious people supporting Harris, MAGA supporters are often the white Christian religious people. According to a pre-election Pew Research Center survey, 61 percent of white Protestants were planning to support Trump during the last election, and among them 82 percent were white Evangelicals. NBC News showed a similar statistic, with 72 percent of white Protestants, including 82 percent of white Evangelicals, being Trump supporters.
Some of them even saw Trump as a savior with a divine mission.
I personally knew how it felt because my toxic father was trying to justify Russian military aggression as a divine mission and promoted Trumpism during our holidays dinners, and it was almost impossible to argue with a person who justified political violence by supernatural means. In this case being an enemy of a political figure made you into the enemy of God. Religious zealotry and political bigotry are hard to bear even when they are not intersected, but together they may bring something that was planning to be a perfect family reunion with vibes of the “Home Alone” ending scene turned into a nightmare that will leave you broken and completely traumatized.
You may dread the Christmas season like other folks dread complicated medical operations, or have a strong but fading hope that the Christmas miracle will occur, and the family will accept you for who you are. Unfortunately, it is not very likely to happen, and there are always chances that home could be the most dangerous place.
I wouldn’t advise someone to estrange their family because of political or religious beliefs, and I know a lot of cases when people had a good relationship with someone who has completely different beliefs as you are. The fact that someone is voting for Trump or visiting a homophobic conservative church does not automatically make a person dangerous, but if this person is trying to push their views on you and change who you are, it is a big red flag. Unfortunately, in our society we used to forgive parents for things we would never forgive any other human beings. I had a pretty traumatic experience with it, and I spent years in therapy because of it.
If you are a well-meaning friend of an LGBT person who had family problems, the only good thing you may do is to let the person make their own decisions and not press on them. Sometimes the home — and the church — is the least safe place in the world, and you may never know what is going on behind closed doors.
Ayman Eckford is a freelance journalist, and an autistic ADHDer transgender person who understands that they are trans* since they were 3-years-old.
Opinions
Will RFK Jr.’s ideas cause illness and death?
A danger to the children of the nation, and the world, if confirmed
We are looking at having our ideas of good healthcare turned upside down. This will happen if RFK Jr., whose ideas on healthcare have been widely discredited, is confirmed as Secretary of Health and Human Services.
Kennedy thinks vaccines hurt people. He believes a measles epidemic in our country is better than children getting a measles vaccine. Brian Deer writes in the New York Times, during a measles outbreak in Samoa, “Kennedy sent the prime minister of Samoa a four-page letter. In it, he suggested the measles vaccine itself may have caused the outbreak.” He wrote in his role as the chairman of Children’s Health Defense, an anti-vaccine group. “By the time a door-to-door vaccination campaign brought the calamity to a close, more than 80 children had died.” Imagine him writing that letter as U.S. Secretary of HHS.
Kennedy supports the discredited theory that childhood vaccines cause autism. In 2023, he even said the polio vaccine, which has basically eradicated polio, “did more harm than good.” The Times wrote, “Mr. Kennedy, an environmental lawyer, has also spent years working abroad to undermine policies that have been pillars of global health policy for a half-century, records show.”
Today most people don’t even know what diphtheria is, outside of the historical context. If they do it’s most likely because they have scrutinized a childhood immunization schedule and know it’s the “D” in the DTaP vaccine. “Vaccine breakthroughs over the past two centuries have cumulatively made the modern world a far more hospitable place to be born. For most of human history, half of all children died before reaching age 15; that number is down to just 4 percent worldwide, and far lower in developed countries, with vaccines one of the major drivers of improved life expectancy.” So, one has to question how someone like RFK Jr., with his warped view of vaccines for children, will impact their lives. How many will become ill, or die, because of him?
It’s not just children’s vaccines we have to question Kennedy on. What will he do if we have another pandemic, and there surely will be one. Will he agree the government should support research to develop a vaccine, or will he oppose funding? Will he support the World Health Organization, or will we see the United States withdraw from it? What about the continued research at NIH, which supports development of a vaccine to end HIV/AIDS? What does he now believe is the cause of AIDS? Will he end the studies at NIH to aid in the search for a vaccine to end prostate cancer? Or will he determine it is better to let millions die, rather than develop these vaccines.
We have to ask whether he will stop Medicare and Medicaid from covering the cost of vaccines for those who want them, and can’t otherwise afford them. Will he work to stop mandates to have children vaccinated before they enter school? These are just some of the questions the Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee, and the Senate Finance Committee, which typically hold the confirmation hearings for Secretary of Health and Human services nominees, should be asking RFK Jr. They must grill him on where he gets his medical information, and what research he bases his positions on, with regard to all these issues. Add issues like his position on removing fluoride from the water, and allowing raw milk to be sold. Let’s be clear: Our children’s lives are literally at stake here.
It might be interesting to ask him whether he asked Trump if his children were vaccinated, and if Ivanka and Jared have had their children vaccinated. I have yet to hear any media person ask Trump about this, or ask Ivanka and Jared their thoughts on RFK Jr. The committees must ask whether he believes vaccines should be available for children whose parents want them, and whether he will mandate insurance pay for them?
Yes, RFK Jr. has some positions I agree with. He wants to get dyes out of our foods as California Gov. Gavin Newsom is doing in his state. RFK Jr. has promoted healthier diets for children, more fruits and vegetables, something Michelle Obama has been doing for years. But we must recognize doing these things will be worthless if we let children get ill, or die, by not vaccinating them. RFK Jr. is an embarrassment to his own family with his unsubstantiated claims on a host of issues, and he will be a danger to the children of the nation, and the world, if confirmed.
Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist.
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