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From music to fashion, catching up with Steve Grand

‘All American Boy’ now focused on his clothing brand

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Steve Grand’s latest passion project is fashion design. (Photo by Antony Kozz)

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of gay singer/songwriter turned fashion designer Steve Grand? Some folks will undoubtedly answer his breakout hit single, “All American Boy,” and the accompanying video. Both were significant in that the song was an unabashedly queer country tune with visuals to match. Of course, it didn’t hurt that Grand was model-handsome and had a flawless body on display. So far, we have his singing voice, songwriting chops, and impressive looks and physique. It’s that gym body, and his own personal interest in the kinds of garments that show them off, that has led him to create his Grand Axis (shopGrandAxis.com) clothing line, featuring men’s underwear and swimwear. Steve was kind enough to make time for an interview, and after you finish reading it, you’ll want to follow him on his socials: @GrandAxis (Instagram), @GrandAxis (TikTok), and @Grand_Axis (Twitter). You won’t be disappointed.

BLADE: Since the release of your debut single in 2013, the country-oriented “All American Boy,” several other male country artists, including Ty Herndon, Billy Gilman, Orville Peck, and TJ Osborne have come out as gay. Do you feel that your being an out musician had anything to do with that?

STEVE GRAND: I think, more than anything, it had to do with the major cultural shift that was happening across this country. According to the Gallup polls, public support for gay marriage went from 40% approval in May 2009, to 60% approval in May 2015. Gay marriage was a big topic of discussion in the early 2010s for a lot of reasons. You had artists like (Lady) Gaga frequently talking about her gay fans, you had gay characters coming out in TV shows; you had the repeal of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” in 2011, and then Obergefell in 2015. I think the internet, and the rise of social media had more to do with it than anything. Before social media, corporate press and big movie and TV studios drove the narrative on these sorts of things. And because they are beholden to advertisers, which are more conservative and risk-averse, they would often avoid even acknowledging LGBTQ+ people for fear it would upset large sections of the country. But I think social media gave regular people an opportunity to be their authentic selves. And it gave artists/content creators like me the ability to make music and videos that could be seen by millions without needing the backing of a big record label.

BLADE: Almost 10 years ago, in 2015, you released your full-length debut album “All American Boy.” When you look back on that time, how would you describe it?

GRAND: It was a whirlwind. I remember being cognizant of the fact that it was all moving fast and that I needed to make a conscious effort to stop and take in all the cool, special, unique experiences I was having. Looking back, I don’t think I listened to that voice inside me enough. I always felt like my best days were ahead; that my moment had yet to come, and that I just needed to hunker down and keep working. And, unfortunately, that often kept me from embracing the present moment.

It’s funny, my best memories of that time end up being all the times in between, like the road trips with my tour manager and whatever members of the band I was traveling with. I was always thinking about what I needed to be doing better or focused on the show, but it is those conversations on the road when we were tired, hungover, and stressing about where we needed to be, traveling from one venue to the next, that I remember most fondly.

BLADE: What kind of music are you listening to for enjoyment these days?

GRAND: I am loving the new Billie Eilish record. And the country record Post Malone just made. I continue to appreciate him more and more. Whenever I see him in interviews I am just so impressed with how centered and genuine he is; how he seems to know exactly who he is. There is a real depth and a goodness in him, and I think that really comes through in his voice.

BLADE: Am I remembering correctly that for a while, you left Chicago for LA? If that’s correct, what was that experience like for you?

GRAND: I spent some time in LA while I was making my first record. I stayed with a friend of a friend. Funny enough, I had never met them before the day I showed up at their door with my bags. It was on my 24th birthday. They gave and gave to me and never expected anything in return. I don’t think I ever went out and did any nightlife there. The friends I stayed with had a large group of friends and threw a lot of parties and events, so I really benefited from having their sort of built-in group of guys to hang out with when I stayed out there.

BLADE: How long have you been back in Chicago?

GRAND: Other than the several months I’ve spent in LA, my summers in Ptown, and winters in Puerto Vallarta, I’ve been in the Chicago area the whole time.

BLADE: What do you like best about being in Chicago?

GRAND: The lakefront in the summer. The fact that the crumby winters are something we all endure together, which means we also experience the beauty and aliveness of the spring and summer together. The winters are so cold and dead, but it makes you appreciate the beautiful weather in the summer, and all the plant life that comes back to life. The whole city comes alive when it starts getting nice. Everyone’s mood is lifted and there is a real sense that we need to make the most of the summer because it’s fleeting. I also love the people. Chicago is not as transient as cities like LA and New York where most people are not from there. Most Chicagoans have roots here. And people are genuinely nice and kind.

BLADE: In 2019, you launched Grand Axis, a clothing line designed by you that includes underwear, swimwear, shorts, socks, T-shirts, and hats. How did you come up with the name Grand Axis?

GRAND: I was about two weeks from going into production with the name “Grand.” I stupidly assumed I could use it because it was my name, but decided I should hire a trademark attorney just to be sure. I was told there were about 200 other companies that could have a copyright infringement claim, so I needed to come up with a name very quickly. I used word generators and all sorts of other methods of coming up with names. I went with “Axis” because I just like how it sounded together; I thought the word “Axis” was very strong, and I liked that it had the letter X in it, which just looks cool and strong.

BLADE: Was designing this kind of clothing a lifelong passion of yours, or was it something you stumbled upon and decided to run with it?

GRAND: Like a lot of gay men, I had my sexual awakening in the men’s underwear aisle at our local department store [laughs]. And personally, I’ve always found an attractive guy in a Speedo, briefs, or jockstrap even more sexy than seeing him naked. Even when I was a college student working a $10 an hour job and didn’t even have many regular clothes, I was buying more of this attire for myself than anything else. I started to get very fixated on the design and fit. I didn’t know how to sew, but I learned enough to make basic alterations to design and fit. Then I found some sites that made custom pieces. I began drawing my own patterns and having them sewn up. When I posted them on Instagram, I’d get lots of guys asking where they could buy them. And at that point I decided I should just produce them en masse. I thought it would be a side gig. I had no idea all that was involved. I think if I knew how hard it would be I may not have started it [laughs]! So, my ignorance kind of worked out to my benefit, because now I am deep in it and I’m happy I made it all work. So far at least.

BLADE: What’s the most rewarding part of Grand Axis?

GRAND: Going to the beach and seeing guys I don’t even know wearing my brand! It is so rewarding to see guys enjoying and looking great in something I spent hundreds of hours obsessing over every detail. That makes it all so worth it.

BLADE: What’s the most challenging part?

GRAND: A few things: Delegating. Dealing with factories to get them to make the pieces exactly how I want. Always having to make decisions about every aspect of the products and the business. The stress of wiring tens of thousands of dollars of my own money before I see any product. At the end of the day, if the factory goes under, you really don’t have any recourse. I’ve heard horror stories from other brands.

BLADE: You shared your recent pec tear workout injury, as well as your recovery, on social media. Are you fully back to 100% or still taking it easy?

GRAND: I am very grateful to be able to say recovery has been easy and painless. I had an excellent surgeon. The first surgeon I saw said it could not be repaired so I am very glad I got a second opinion. The worst part has been not being able to move much weight with it. There are so many exercises I can’t do, I’m afraid to say I have only had a handful of workouts in the last 10 weeks. I will be 75% healed at 12 weeks, but it will still be a few months before I can lift heavy. But in the scheme of things, I am just grateful I had a problem that could be fixed.

BLADE: Your second album, “Not The End of Me” was released in 2018. Because most people came to know you as a singer/songwriter first, I’d be remiss if I didn’t ask if there was more music from you in the works.

GRAND: I still will write music, but most songs are incomplete. I wish I could say I had another record ready to go, but when the pandemic happened and I wasn’t able to perform and lost 90% of my income that year, I had to make Grand-Axis my full-time job to pay the bills. And now that it has, I struggle to find the time and creative energy to make that happen. But I am still hopeful I will get back to it one of these days.

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Learn more about queer love

Friends of Dorothy Cafe hosts event at City-State Public House

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Friends of Dorothy Cafe will host “Living History: How We Loved” on Thursday, May 14 at 7:30 p.m. at City-State Public House. 

Guests will hear how queer and trans people have loved and cared for one another, especially when legal, medical, and social systems did not recognize those relationships. We’ll reflect on chosen family, long-term partnerships before marriage equality, caregiving during the AIDS crisis, hidden romances, friendship as survival, chosen family, and the loves that changed the course of our lives. This evening is about honoring lived experience, preserving community memory, and strengthening the bridge between generations.

Tickets are $24.57 and are available on Eventbrite

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Calendar

Calendar: May 8-14

LGBTQ events in the days to come

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Friday, May 8

Center Aging Monthly Luncheon With Yoga will be at noon at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. Email Mac at [email protected] if you require ASL interpreter assistance, have any dietary restrictions, or questions about this event.

Women in their Twenties and Thirties will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a social discussion group for queer women in the Washington, D.C. area. For more details, visit the group’s Facebook

The DC Center for the LGBT Community will host “We Are Pat” at 12:30 p.m. This event takes a fresh look at the iconic Saturday Night Live sketch “It’s Pat” and traces how ideas about gender and what we laugh at have shifted from the ’90s to today. What began as a character born out of cultural anxiety around gender now lands in a world shaped by ongoing debates about transness and queerness. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website

Saturday, May 9

Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Brunch” at 11 a.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant. This fun weekly event brings the DMV area LGBTQ community, including allies, together for delicious food and conversation.  Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite

Sunday, May 10

Drag Queen Sip and Paint Experience Washington DC will be at 4 p.m. at Town Tavern. This is a fabulous experience brought to you by Sip and Paint USA and combines the joy of painting with the lively energy of a drag queen, offering an hour and a half of fun, creativity, and entertainment. Participants paint a canvas while enjoying cocktails, all under the guidance of a glamorous drag queen host. Tickets are $47.19 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

Monday, May 11

Center Aging: Monday Coffee Klatch” will be at 10 a.m. on Zoom. This is a social hour for older LGBTQ adults. Guests are encouraged to bring a beverage of choice. For more information, contact Adam ([email protected]).

Genderqueer DC will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a support group for people who identify outside of the gender binary, whether you’re bigender, agender, genderfluid, or just know that you’re not 100% cis. For more details, visit genderqueerdc.org or Facebook

Tuesday, May 12

Trans Discussion Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This event is intended to provide an emotionally and physically safe space for trans* people and those who may be questioning their gender identity/expression to join together in community and learn from one another. For more details, email [email protected]

Coming Out Discussion Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a safe space to share experiences about coming out and discuss topics as it relates to doing so — by sharing struggles and victories the group allows those newly coming out and who have been out for a while to learn from others. For more details, visit the group’s Facebook.  

Wednesday, May 13

Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom upon request. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, including the long-term unemployed, improve self-confidence, motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking — allowing participants to move away from being merely “applicants” toward being “candidates.” For more information, email [email protected] or visit thedccenter.org/careers.

The DC Center for the LGBT Community will host “Movement for Healing” at 3 p.m. This trauma- and yoga therapy–informed class is designed to help guests gently reconnect with their body and their breath. Through mindful movement, somatic awareness, and grounding practices, guests will explore how to release tension, increase mobility, and cultivate a deeper sense of safety and ease within. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website

Thursday, May 14

Virtual Yoga Class will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This free weekly class is a combination of yoga, breathwork and meditation that allows LGBTQ+ community members to continue their healing journey with somatic and mindfulness practices. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website.  

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Television

Repression, toxic masculinity fuel intense queer drama ‘Half Man’

A solidly crafted, well-acted, fascinating binge watch

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Jamie Bell and Richard Gadd in ‘Half Man.’ (Photo courtesy of BBC1/HBO Max)

In 2024, when Richard Gadd’s “Baby Reindeer” became a stock-boosting hit for Netflix, there were few Americans who knew his name.

In the UK, however, the Scottish writer/comedian/actor had already emerged as a talent to be reckoned with, blending autobiographical stand-up comedy with theater to create a reputation as an edgy and provocative creator whose shows tended to be equal parts divisive and successful. One of these, his fictionalized true-life story of being stalked and sexually harassed by a female fan, became an Olivier Award-winning hit in the London theater; that was “Baby Reindeer,” and – in the form of a seven-episode miniseries adaptation – it became the vehicle that carried him to wider fame.

Two years later, Gadd has returned with another high-profile miniseries, this time for HBO Max, and like its predecessor, it’s a story that deals with queer sexual repression, unhealthy attachments, and a central relationship that can safely be described without exaggeration as “toxic” – and it’s an even darker (and more twisted) ride that stretches across decades. 

“Half Man,” which debuted on April 23 and continues with one episode per week through May 14, is the story of two “brothers” – Niall (Jamie Bell) and Ruben (Gadd) – whose mothers (Neve McIntosh and Marianne McIvor) have become a lesbian couple after leaving their relationships with the boys’ respective fathers. They are seeming opposites in personality; Niall is quiet, sensitive, and secretly unsure about his sexuality, while Ruben is tough, rebellious, and prone to violence – and unsurprisingly, it’s a match made in hell.

We meet them at the top of the first episode as adults, on the day of Niall’s wedding, when Ruben shows up without warning; his appearance triggers what looks like fear in his “brother from another lover,” and a private meeting between them in a barn at the wedding site turns ugly, launching a flashback format that takes us back to their schooldays, when young Ruben (Stuart Campbell) – already in trouble with the law and trying for a new start – comes home from juvenile detention to become roommate, protector, and bully to young Niall (Mitchell Robertson), all in one.

It’s the dawn of a new and epic relationship, despite a history that has made Niall terrified of the older boy; their seemingly opposite qualities somehow mesh into a kind of symbiotic bubble, in which a tense equilibrium turns them into unlikely allies. Ruben makes sure Niall has nothing to fear from the sniggering schoolyard homophobes who target him, and Niall helps Ruben pass the tests he needs to pass in order to stay in school, Nevertheless, their dynamic is equal parts surprisingly tender and alarmingly lopsided. Though they form a bond, it’s a volatile one, and by the end of episode one – after an uncomfortable-to-watch late night incident that amounts to a sexual assault – there is little doubt that Ruben is a psychopath. By then, however, it’s too late; Niall has become hopelessly ensnared by his manipulations, and their dangerous attachment has taken permanent root.

In episode two, the timeline moves the past forward several years (while rolling the wedding-day story back a few hours as well), bringing Niall forward to his college years. Ruben is once again absent from his life, but the bond is still deep. He struggles to make connections in his new setting – including with another student, the openly gay Alby (Bilal Hasna), who recognizes a side of him that he has still yet to accept for himself. Though he gradually begins to adapt to his new social circle, his insecurities get the better of him – and despite warnings from his mother not to do so, he calls Ruben to come and visit. His arrival triggers another escalating series of incidents, this time entangling Niall’s new friends and culminating in a shocking, jealous-fueled explosion of violence.

Without going on with the story – after all, the two remaining episodes have yet to be released, so we wouldn’t want to spoil anything – it’s safe to say there’s a pattern here, and it’s intentional.

Gadd has already been public about his own struggles with repression, which were directly explored (albeit fictionally) in “Baby Reindeer,” and it’s clear that he had more to say about the effects they had on his life and identity.

As he put it himself, in an interview with the Hollywood Reporter, “Themes of, I guess, masculinity, or what it means to be a man, or ‘I’ve gone through a masculinity crisis’ come into [the show] probably because I’ve been through that in my life, and I feel I can write to it and speak to it.

“I always think that the best kind of art is kept close to your chest, kept close to your heart, kept close to your experiences, and I guess with ‘Half Man,’ there’s a lot in it that I relate to. It’s not an autobiographical piece by any stretch, it’s purely fiction, but it certainly borrows from themes and struggles and issues that I understand.”

That understanding translates to the series through its focus on tracing the roots of Niall and Ruben’s relationship by methodically tracking the cause-and-effect chain that links the major events of their lives together. It explores the contradictory combination of worship and terror, the transgressive eroticism that intertwines danger and desire, the power of the forbidden to make us want it more, and the self-loathing that punishes itself through violence toward others. The inverted framework of the storytelling, which works both forward and back to meet at (we assume) some definitive point, makes following it a bit like putting together a puzzle, which also has the effect of building suspense as we wait to see the “moment of truth.”

Of course, those who prefer a more straightforward narrative might not appreciate the additional challenge, especially when the subject matter – which revolves around experiences, feelings, and behavior that might be entirely unfamiliar to many audiences – is challenging enough by itself, in its own way. Likewise, and for much the same reason, there will be viewers who are unable to relate to its characters, as some of the show’s less-favorable reviews have pointed out.

But it would be naive to assume that the themes in “Half Man” – of fragile masculinity, internalized homophobia, misdirected rage, nihilistic rebellion, conflicted desires, projected shame, and the other ingredients that infuse this shadow-boxing psychodrama with such a distinctive musky odor – do not apply to more men in today’s culture of incels, “looksmaxxers,” and “the Man-o-sphere” than any of them would like to admit. We’d wager that its portrait of a same-sex, sub/Dom, borderline incestuous relationship might resonate more urgently there than within a queer community that has been grappling with those issues for generations already and are just waiting for everybody else to catch up.

In any case, Gadd’s newest variation on a theme is a solidly crafted, well-acted, and hypnotically fascinating (if sometimes uncomfortable) exercise in the kind of “can’t look away” drama that makes for a perfect binge watch. Or, at least, it will once all the episodes drop.

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