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Getting back out there

Don’t rush into something new but when you’re ready, be open minded

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Advice, gay news, Washington Blade

It’s tough to start dating again after an unpleasant breakup. Give yourself time and be proactive about it when you’re ready. (iStock photo)

The idea of “getting back out there” after a significant relationship ends is daunting.

For many, starting over from scratch is so frightening, it may be the last thing they want to do, despite the fact that they may have a goal of finding a life partner. Anxiety, depression and self-doubt are just a few of the harsh feelings that easily arise when considering dating again.

For others, “getting back out there” may mean throwing themselves at online dating sites or the bar scene, just to fill the void their ex-partner used to satisfy. This behavior can also lead to unwanted feelings of depression because going on multiple dates all at once can be just a Band-Aid in wanting to cover up the wounds from a break-up. Either way, adjustments can be made to ready oneself for his/her next relationship in a healthy way.

First and foremost, take time to grieve your past relationship. Rushing back to dating after a short period can only lengthen your healing process. Talking to friends and family about what was most hurtful about your breakup is a start, but truly reflecting and moving past the relationship is more easily managed if you’re proactive about your healing. Hire a relationship coach or therapist for a brief time to net out and understand why the relationship ended, how it made you feel and know what changes need to be made in seeking a mate in the future (including dating people from “a different pool,” working on your communication skills and understanding  your “non-negotiables” in a future partner). There’s no specific amount of time that effectively allows people to feel ready to date again; it’s what approach you take to move on that will determine how long this will take.

Though this is hard for many, try not to jump into another relationship directly after ending your last one. If you feel ready to date, then by all means, do it. But be mindful and be sure that this person isn’t just filling space, but is rather enhancing your life and is truly a step in the right direction.

Also take time for yourself. Breakups are extremely stressful for most people, regardless of who ended the relationship. Surround yourself with things and people you love and who support you. Don’t frequent the coffee shops and neighborhood places that might remind you of your ex — try new places and meet new people. The faster you can embrace your new single self, the easier moving on will be.

After you are in a good space following the steps above, make a plan about how you see yourself dating again. Online dating is a great way to get your feet wet (again) — there are so many different people online and one can easily arrange dates soon after booting up a profile. But be sure not to make the same mistakes you may have made before.

Avoid red flags that trigger thoughts of your ex and be open to meeting lots of different types of people.  For those more selective and with less free time on their hands, hire a dating coach or matchmaker and work with this person on establishing realistic dating goals and who might be the best match for you. There are dating experts all over the D.C. area — find the best one that suits your personality and lifestyle, be proactive and get out there.

Once you’ve decided you’re ready to date and your plan (e.g. online dating, matchmaker, friend set ups, new social group, etc.) is in place, there are a few key things to remember. First, be open minded. You and your ex broke up, so whereas you may want similar qualities in your future partner, don’t look endlessly for this person’s twin. Be open to different geographic locations, different ages and different backgrounds. The person you dated previously didn’t work for you, so be open to something different.

Also, don’t be hard on yourself. Analyzing why you didn’t get a call back isn’t going to get you anywhere. Dating is a numbers game, so be thoughtful of whom you decide to meet, but don’t harp on those who didn’t see you as a good fit (or vice versa). Be confident and take things slowly.

Whereas you want to evaluate the people you are meeting in the new chapter of your dating life, don’t over analyze. Working with a coach or matchmaker can help you see both sides and is likely going to be a more efficient way of meeting quality people well suited to your lifestyle.

Also remember the cardinal rule of dating — don’t discuss your ex on dates with other people. Bringing him or her into the conversation sends the message that you’re not over it and are lugging around unhealthy baggage. If you get serious with someone, those conversations will happen in time. Avoid the urge to bring them up early on in a new relationship.

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Movies

10 years later, we still can’t shake Barry Jenkins’s ‘Moonlight’

Landmark queer film returned to theaters this past weekend

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(Screenshot via YouTube)

It all started back at the Telluride Film Festival, where “Moonlight” had its world premiere in 2016, kicking off a successful awards season run. It instantly became the year’s critical darling, and it wound up winning three Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Best Adapted Screenplay (for Jenkins), and Best Supporting Actor (for Mahershala Ali.)

But there’s a world where an independently made film like “Moonlight,” featuring an all-Black cast with mostly unknown actors, and a story exploring how queerness intersects with toxic masculinity and race, gets easily overlooked. The fact that the film won Best Picture on Hollywood’s biggest stage not only cemented its place in film history, but helped the story reach more Black and queer people.

Adapted from Tarell Alvin McCraney’s unproduced, autobiographical play “In Moonlight Black Boys Look Blue,” Jenkins follows a boy named Chiron, introduced to the audience as Little, over the course of three pivotal moments in his upbringing. Set in Miami, the film tracks Chiron’s days as an outcast struggling to make it through elementary school, to his first sexual encounter with another boy, to his adult days making a living as a drug dealer. Chiron suffocates while living with his abusive, drug-addicted mother (Naomie Harris) and eventually finds refuge and safety in the home of surrogate parents Juan (Ali) and Teresa (Janelle Monáe) as he struggles to reckon with his queerness.

Jenkins’s images instantly became iconic: Juan holding Little in the ocean, a moment reminiscent of a young boy’s baptism; Chiron resting his head on Kevin’s (André Holland) shoulder as the two reconcile their love for one another; Little looking back at the audience as the waves crash.

The film mainly features locals from Miami. One of the smartest choices Jenkins and his casting director, Yesi Ramirez, made when shaping out Chiron’s journey was casting three different actors (Alex Hibbert, Ashton Sanders, and Trevante Rhodes) to play the character as he physically comes of age. Jenkins deliberately never had the three actors meet despite portraying the same character — quite the atypical approach to casting.

“I wanted [that decision] to be a comment on the way of the world we live in, and how society has this effect on these young men who grow up in a community like the one depicted in the film,” Jenkins said in a Creative Screenwriting interview in February 2017. “To me, the best way to show that was to illustrate this change in the character, and what happens to the people who are playing him at each stage.”

In the decade since “Moonlight”’s release, dozens of filmmakers cite Jenkins as one of their biggest influences, including Joe Talbot (“The Last Black Man in San Francisco”). And you can see his film’s footprints all over “Nickel Boys, If I Go Will They Miss Me” and “Waves,” all films that use evocative imagery to tell grounded, Black-led stories.

To date, “Moonlight” remains the lowest-budget film to ever win Best Picture, made for a mere $1.5 million dollars. It was also the first film that A24, the indie distributor that was still building a name for itself back in 2016, fully financed and produced itself. “Moonlight” went on to gross over $60 million at the global box office, largely thanks to the Oscars platform.

In our current political and media landscape under the Trump-Vance administration, “Moonlight” has the potential to save even more lives. In the early days depicted in Chiron’s upbringing, he is taught to live with shame, to keep his head down at school. It’s all about survival. But by the end of the film, Chiron reconnects with Kevin and finds himself remembering all the emotions he felt after being touched by a man for the first time. It’s a small step, a small embrace, but a crucial one for Chiron to start coming to terms with himself.

Jenkins still gets emotional when watching scenes back from the film now. Speaking with Vanity Fair at this year’s Telluride Film Festival, where “Moonlight” screened for its 10th anniversary, Jenkins admitted he was a “crying mess” when revisiting the last 15 minutes of the film earlier in the year.

“Maybe over the next few months I’ll get some more understanding of it, but I think it was just how meaningful it was that we created this thing,” Jenkins said. “It’s not about the film itself, but just how meaningful it was that we actually did it.

In the decade since “Moonlight”’s release, Jenkins went on to direct another acclaimed film, “If Beale Street Could Talk,” and recently made “Mufasa: The Lion King.” He’s set to return to his more independent roots with “Be My Baby” starring Zendaya, which will also be distributed by A24, and an Alvin Ailey biopic. The Oscar winner continues to mentor emerging filmmakers and writers through the Sundance Labs, visiting colleges around the country to teach what he learned from making his breakout film.

Now that “Moonlight” is back in theaters, it’s the perfect opportunity for queer and Black people to experience this tender, intimate, nuanced film on the big screen. It’s a modern classic with the potential to continue making people feel seen and embraced for every aspect of their identity.

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Theater

‘Some Like It Hot’ a wild ride at renovated Bernard Family Theatre

Exhilarating show brimming with fun, feeling, and focus on gender exploration

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Tavis Kordell as Jerry/Daphne and Jacob Tischler as Joe/Josephine in ‘Some Like It Hot" at Olney Theatre Center. (Photo by Teresa Castracane)

“Some Like It Hot”
Through Nov. 8
Olney Theatre Center
2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Rd.
Olney, Md.
Olneytheatre.org

There’s reason to celebrate at Olney Theatre Center. Currently, they’re debuting their renovated Bernard Family Theatre while inaugurating the soaring new space with a regional premiere of “Some Like It Hot,” the musical adaptation of Billy Wilder’s classic 1959 comedy. 

Toying with this cinematic gem took some cojones, but it works. 

The film and the Tony Award-winning musical share similar plot lines: After witnessing a mob hit, Chicago musicians Joe and Jerry need to leave town. So, they don dresses, join Sweet Sue and Her Society Syncopators all-female band, and board a train headed for warmer climes (Southern California). As Josephine and Daphne, they experience new slants on romance, gift giving, and the male gaze. It’s funny and illuminating. 

Helmed by out artistic director Jason Loewith, OTC’s exhilarating production is brimming with fun, feeling, and the musical’s focus on Black identity and gender exploration (recreated for Broadway by writers Matthew López /Amber Ruffin, and songwriting team Marc Schaiman/Scott Whittman).  

OTC’s Loewith embraces it all while masterfully bringing together big dance numbers, romantic interludes, slapstick, and what’s more, he makes it look easy.

It’s 1933, deep in the Great Depression, and no-nonsense bandleader Sweet Sue (the excellent Ashleigh King) sets the speakeasy scene with “What Are You Thirsty For?” (not an unusual inquiry during the Prohibition era).

Away from Chicago at San Diego’s glamorous Coronado Hotel, matters become further complicated for Joe (Jacob Tischler) as he pursues the band’s irresistibly unreliable Sugar Kane, sensitively played by the talented Montria Walker. (A couple of her songs, including “A Darker Shade of Blue,” describe a rural Georgia, Jim Crow backstory.) 

Meanwhile, Daphne (nonbinary actor Tavis Kordell) is learning a new love language with impish root beer fortune heir Osgood Fielding III (terrific out actor Edward Juvier).

Drinking in a Mexican cantina not far from the hotel, Osgood tenderly serenades Daphne with “Fly, Mariposa, Fly,” a romantic number about metaphorically spreading wings, and transformation. The beloved’s powerful reply number “You Coulda Knocked Me Over with a Feather” is filled with emotional revelation.

In its examination of gender fluidity and self-discovery, the musical isn’t an indoctrination. Instead, audiences accept what’s happening on stage, and soon they’re seduced and painlessly invested in the characters’ wellbeing.

Frank Labovitz’s intelligent costume design is brimming with storytelling. Joe and Jerry’s quick change from guys to girls isn’t flashy — at first. It’s all drab colors, modest hem lengths…street clothes pulled from the Great Depression. Later it’s showbiz silver sequins. 

An adept and marvelous actor, Tishler does double duty as the straight and funny man. Even when dolled up for gigs, his Josephine destroys the look with men’s black socks, the dowdy wig, and cockeyed glasses, hilariously setting up a running gag of how Joe, as Josephine, looks so much older than the other girls in the band.  

For “Some Like It Hot,” Karla Puno Garcia’s wide-ranging choreography style ranges from those early 1930s flapper flicks (think the young manic Joan Crawford) to something more elegant, Joe and Sugar dancing à la Fred and Ginger in the show’s dreamy number “Let’s Dance the World Away.” Another highlight is the second act’s penultimate number “Tip Top Trouble,” a wild but meticulously staged, gloriously gender bending, sixteen-person, cops and robbers chase sequence. 

Top notch music director Christopher Youstra reliably delivers Marc Shaiman’s swinging, 1920s and 30s-inspired score played by a mostly hidden 10-piece band and mimed onstage by Sue’s lively Syncopators.

And in meeting the specialness of the challenge, scenic designer Ryan Douglass transforms the newly renovated theater into a good club setting featuring a colorful inlaid thrust stage surrounded by cabaret tables where just several short yards ahead of Row C, a contented couple is served a bottle of Champagne while settling in before the show starts. 

Today, the Bernard Family Theatre with its raftered ceiling and industrial vibe suggests past and promise for the future.  

For now, experience the revamped wild ride in a wonderfully redone space.  

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Photos

PHOTOS: Winchester Pride

Annual LGBTQ celebration held at the Museum of the Shenandoah Valley

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A scene from the 2026 Winchester Pride Festival on Saturday, Oct. 3. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

The 2026 Winchester Pride Festival was held at the Museum of the Shenandoah Valley in Winchester, Va. on Saturday, Oct. 3.

(Washington Blade photos by Michael Key)

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