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Getting back out there

Don’t rush into something new but when you’re ready, be open minded

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Advice, gay news, Washington Blade

It’s tough to start dating again after an unpleasant breakup. Give yourself time and be proactive about it when you’re ready. (iStock photo)

The idea of “getting back out there” after a significant relationship ends is daunting.

For many, starting over from scratch is so frightening, it may be the last thing they want to do, despite the fact that they may have a goal of finding a life partner. Anxiety, depression and self-doubt are just a few of the harsh feelings that easily arise when considering dating again.

For others, “getting back out there” may mean throwing themselves at online dating sites or the bar scene, just to fill the void their ex-partner used to satisfy. This behavior can also lead to unwanted feelings of depression because going on multiple dates all at once can be just a Band-Aid in wanting to cover up the wounds from a break-up. Either way, adjustments can be made to ready oneself for his/her next relationship in a healthy way.

First and foremost, take time to grieve your past relationship. Rushing back to dating after a short period can only lengthen your healing process. Talking to friends and family about what was most hurtful about your breakup is a start, but truly reflecting and moving past the relationship is more easily managed if you’re proactive about your healing. Hire a relationship coach or therapist for a brief time to net out and understand why the relationship ended, how it made you feel and know what changes need to be made in seeking a mate in the future (including dating people from “a different pool,” working on your communication skills and understanding  your “non-negotiables” in a future partner). There’s no specific amount of time that effectively allows people to feel ready to date again; it’s what approach you take to move on that will determine how long this will take.

Though this is hard for many, try not to jump into another relationship directly after ending your last one. If you feel ready to date, then by all means, do it. But be mindful and be sure that this person isn’t just filling space, but is rather enhancing your life and is truly a step in the right direction.

Also take time for yourself. Breakups are extremely stressful for most people, regardless of who ended the relationship. Surround yourself with things and people you love and who support you. Don’t frequent the coffee shops and neighborhood places that might remind you of your ex — try new places and meet new people. The faster you can embrace your new single self, the easier moving on will be.

After you are in a good space following the steps above, make a plan about how you see yourself dating again. Online dating is a great way to get your feet wet (again) — there are so many different people online and one can easily arrange dates soon after booting up a profile. But be sure not to make the same mistakes you may have made before.

Avoid red flags that trigger thoughts of your ex and be open to meeting lots of different types of people.  For those more selective and with less free time on their hands, hire a dating coach or matchmaker and work with this person on establishing realistic dating goals and who might be the best match for you. There are dating experts all over the D.C. area — find the best one that suits your personality and lifestyle, be proactive and get out there.

Once you’ve decided you’re ready to date and your plan (e.g. online dating, matchmaker, friend set ups, new social group, etc.) is in place, there are a few key things to remember. First, be open minded. You and your ex broke up, so whereas you may want similar qualities in your future partner, don’t look endlessly for this person’s twin. Be open to different geographic locations, different ages and different backgrounds. The person you dated previously didn’t work for you, so be open to something different.

Also, don’t be hard on yourself. Analyzing why you didn’t get a call back isn’t going to get you anywhere. Dating is a numbers game, so be thoughtful of whom you decide to meet, but don’t harp on those who didn’t see you as a good fit (or vice versa). Be confident and take things slowly.

Whereas you want to evaluate the people you are meeting in the new chapter of your dating life, don’t over analyze. Working with a coach or matchmaker can help you see both sides and is likely going to be a more efficient way of meeting quality people well suited to your lifestyle.

Also remember the cardinal rule of dating — don’t discuss your ex on dates with other people. Bringing him or her into the conversation sends the message that you’re not over it and are lugging around unhealthy baggage. If you get serious with someone, those conversations will happen in time. Avoid the urge to bring them up early on in a new relationship.

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Movies

A ‘Battle’ we can’t avoid

Critical darling is part action thriller, part political allegory, part satire

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Leonardo DiCaprio stars in ‘One Battle After Another.’ (Photo courtesy of Warner Bros.)

When Paul Thomas Anderson’s “One Battle After Another” debuted on American movie screens last September, it had a lot of things going for it: an acclaimed Hollywood auteur working with a cast that included three Oscar-winning actors, on an ambitious blockbuster with his biggest budget to date, and a $70 million advertising campaign to draw in the crowds. It was even released in IMAX. 

It was still a box office disappointment, failing to achieve its “break-even” threshold before making the jump from big screen to small via VOD rentals and streaming on HBO Max. Whatever the reason – an ambivalence toward its stars, a lack of clarity around what it was about, divisive pushback from both progressive and conservative camps over perceived messaging, or a general sense of fatigue over real-world events that had pushed potential moviegoers to their saturation point for politically charged material – audiences failed to show up for it. 

The story did not end there, of course; most critics, unconcerned with box office receipts, embraced Anderson’s grand-scale opus, and it’s now a top contender in this year’s awards race, already securing top prizes at the Golden Globe and Critics’ Choice Awards, nominated for a record number of SAG’s Actor Awards, and almost certain to be a front runner in multiple categories at the Academy Awards on March 15.

For cinema buffs who care about such things, that means the time has come: get over all those misgivings and hesitations, whatever reasons might be behind them, and see for yourself why it’s at the top of so many “Best Of” lists.

Adapted by Anderson from the 1990 Thomas Pynchon novel “Vineland,” “One Battle” is part action thriller, part political allegory, part jet-black satire, and – as the first feature film shot primarily in the “VistaVision” format since the early 1960s – all gloriously cinematic. It unspools a near-mythic saga of oppression, resistance, and family bonds, set in an authoritarian America of unspecified date, in which a former revolutionary (Leonardo DiCaprio) is attempting to raise his teenage daughter (Chase Infiniti) under the radar after her mother (Teyana Taylor) betrayed the movement and fled the country. Now living under a fake identity and consumed by paranoia and a weed habit, he has grown soft and unprepared when a corrupt military officer (Sean Penn) – who may be his daughter’s real biological father – tracks them down and apprehends her. Determined to rescue her, he reconnects with his old revolutionary network and enlists the aid of her karate teacher (Benicio Del Toro), embarking on a desperate rescue mission while her captor plots to erase all traces of his former “indiscretion” with her mother.

It’s a plot straight out of a mainstream action melodrama, top-heavy with opportunities for old-school action, sensationalistic violence, and epic car chases (all of which it delivers), but in the hands of Anderson – whose sensibilities always strike a provocative balance between introspection, nostalgia, and a sense of apt-but-irreverent destiny – it becomes much more intriguing than the generic tropes with which he invokes to cover his own absurdist leanings.

Indeed, it’s that absurdity which infuses “One Battle” with a bemusedly observational tone and emerges to distinguish it from the “action movie” format it uses to relay its narrative. From DiCaprio (whose performance highlights his subtle comedic gifts as much as his “serious” acting chops) as a bathrobe-clad underdog hero with shades of The Dude from the Coen Brothers’ “The Big Liebowski,” to the uncomfortably hilarious creepy secret society of financially elite white supremacists that lurks in the margins of the action, Anderson gives us plenty of satirical fodder to chuckle about, even if we cringe as we do it; like that masterpiece of too-close-to-home political comedy, Stanley Kubrick’s 1964 nuclear holocaust farce “Dr. Strangelove,” it offers us ridiculousness and buffoonery which rings so perfectly true in a terrifying reality that we can’t really laugh at it.

That, perhaps, is why Anderson’s film has had a hard time drawing viewers; though it’s based on a book from nearly four decades ago and it was conceived, written, and created well before our current political reality, the world it creates hits a little too close to home. It imagines a roughly contemporary America ruled by a draconian regime, where immigration enforcement, police, and the military all seem wrapped into one oppressive force, and where unapologetic racism dictates an entire ideology that works in the shadows to impose its twisted values on the world. When it was conceived and written, it must have felt like an exaggeration; now, watching the final product in 2026, it feels almost like an inevitability. Let’s face it, none of us wants to accept the reality of fascism imposing itself on our daily lives; a movie that forces us to confront it is, unfortunately, bound to feel like a downer. We get enough “doomscrolling” on social media; we can’t be faulted for not wanting more of it when we sit down to watch a movie.

In truth, however, “One Battle” is anything but a downer. Full of comedic flourish, it maintains a rigorous distance that makes it impossible to make snap judgments about its characters, and that makes all the difference – especially with characters like DiCaprio’s protective dad, whose behavior sometimes feels toxic from a certain point of view. And though it’s a movie which has no qualms about showing us terrifying things we would rather not see, it somehow comes off better in the end than it might have done by making everything feel safe.

“Safe” is something we are never allowed to feel in Anderson’s outlandish action adventure, even at an intellectual level; even if we can laugh at some of its over-the-top flourishes or find emotional (or ideological) satisfaction in the way things ultimately play out, we can’t walk away from it without feeling the dread that comes from recognizing the ugly truths behind its satirical absurdities. In the end, it’s all too real, too familiar, too dire for us not to be unsettled. After all, it’s only a movie, but the things it shows us are not far removed from the world outside our doors. Indeed, they’re getting closer every day.

Visually masterful, superbly performed, and flawlessly delivered by a cinematic master, it’s a movie that, like it or not, confronts us with the discomforting reality we face, and there’s nobody to save it from us but ourselves.

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Sports

‘Heated Rivalry’ stars to participate in Olympic torch relay

Games to take place next month in Italy

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(Photo courtesy of Crave HBO Max)

“Heated Rivalry” stars Hudson Williams and Connor Storrie will participate in the Olympic torch relay ahead of the 2026 Winter Olympics that will take place next month in Italy.

HBO Max, which distributes “Heated Rivalry” in the U.S., made the announcement on Thursday in a press release.

The games will take place in Milan and Cortina from Feb. 6-22. The HBO Max announcement did not specifically say when Williams and Storrie will participate in the torch relay.

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Bars & Parties

Here’s where to watch ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ with fellow fans

Entertainers TrevHER and Grey host event with live performance

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(Photo by New Africa/Bigstock)

Spark Social Events will host “Ru Paul’s Drag Race S18 Watch Party Hosted by Local Drag Queens” on Friday, Jan. 23 at 8 p.m.

Drag entertainers TrevHER and Grey will provide commentary and make live predictions on who’s staying and who’s going home. Stick around after the show for a live drag performance. The watch party will take place on a heated outdoor patio and cozy indoor space.

This event is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

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