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Getting back out there

Don’t rush into something new but when you’re ready, be open minded

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Advice, gay news, Washington Blade

It’s tough to start dating again after an unpleasant breakup. Give yourself time and be proactive about it when you’re ready. (iStock photo)

The idea of “getting back out there” after a significant relationship ends is daunting.

For many, starting over from scratch is so frightening, it may be the last thing they want to do, despite the fact that they may have a goal of finding a life partner. Anxiety, depression and self-doubt are just a few of the harsh feelings that easily arise when considering dating again.

For others, “getting back out there” may mean throwing themselves at online dating sites or the bar scene, just to fill the void their ex-partner used to satisfy. This behavior can also lead to unwanted feelings of depression because going on multiple dates all at once can be just a Band-Aid in wanting to cover up the wounds from a break-up. Either way, adjustments can be made to ready oneself for his/her next relationship in a healthy way.

First and foremost, take time to grieve your past relationship. Rushing back to dating after a short period can only lengthen your healing process. Talking to friends and family about what was most hurtful about your breakup is a start, but truly reflecting and moving past the relationship is more easily managed if you’re proactive about your healing. Hire a relationship coach or therapist for a brief time to net out and understand why the relationship ended, how it made you feel and know what changes need to be made in seeking a mate in the future (including dating people from “a different pool,” working on your communication skills and understanding  your “non-negotiables” in a future partner). There’s no specific amount of time that effectively allows people to feel ready to date again; it’s what approach you take to move on that will determine how long this will take.

Though this is hard for many, try not to jump into another relationship directly after ending your last one. If you feel ready to date, then by all means, do it. But be mindful and be sure that this person isn’t just filling space, but is rather enhancing your life and is truly a step in the right direction.

Also take time for yourself. Breakups are extremely stressful for most people, regardless of who ended the relationship. Surround yourself with things and people you love and who support you. Don’t frequent the coffee shops and neighborhood places that might remind you of your ex — try new places and meet new people. The faster you can embrace your new single self, the easier moving on will be.

After you are in a good space following the steps above, make a plan about how you see yourself dating again. Online dating is a great way to get your feet wet (again) — there are so many different people online and one can easily arrange dates soon after booting up a profile. But be sure not to make the same mistakes you may have made before.

Avoid red flags that trigger thoughts of your ex and be open to meeting lots of different types of people.  For those more selective and with less free time on their hands, hire a dating coach or matchmaker and work with this person on establishing realistic dating goals and who might be the best match for you. There are dating experts all over the D.C. area — find the best one that suits your personality and lifestyle, be proactive and get out there.

Once you’ve decided you’re ready to date and your plan (e.g. online dating, matchmaker, friend set ups, new social group, etc.) is in place, there are a few key things to remember. First, be open minded. You and your ex broke up, so whereas you may want similar qualities in your future partner, don’t look endlessly for this person’s twin. Be open to different geographic locations, different ages and different backgrounds. The person you dated previously didn’t work for you, so be open to something different.

Also, don’t be hard on yourself. Analyzing why you didn’t get a call back isn’t going to get you anywhere. Dating is a numbers game, so be thoughtful of whom you decide to meet, but don’t harp on those who didn’t see you as a good fit (or vice versa). Be confident and take things slowly.

Whereas you want to evaluate the people you are meeting in the new chapter of your dating life, don’t over analyze. Working with a coach or matchmaker can help you see both sides and is likely going to be a more efficient way of meeting quality people well suited to your lifestyle.

Also remember the cardinal rule of dating — don’t discuss your ex on dates with other people. Bringing him or her into the conversation sends the message that you’re not over it and are lugging around unhealthy baggage. If you get serious with someone, those conversations will happen in time. Avoid the urge to bring them up early on in a new relationship.

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Celebrity News

Outright International honors Cyndi Lauper at annual NYC gala

Singer, long-time ally spoke with Blade on red carpet

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Cyndi Lauper attends Outright International's Celebration of Courage gala in New York on June 1, 2026. (Washington Blade photo by Michael K. Lavers)

NEW YORK — Cyndi Lauper on Monday said LGBTQ Americans and their allies cannot give up in the fight for equality.

“We need to band together. We need to stand together, and we need to speak out, and we need to help each other,” she told the Washington Blade during an interview after she arrived at Outright International’s Celebration of Courage gala that took place at Pier 60 in Manhattan’s Chelsea neighborhood. “Otherwise, we’re dead.”

Outright International honored the singer and long-time ally at the gala that raised nearly $1.5 million for the global LGBTQ and intersex advocacy group. Levi Strauss and VoteLGBT, a group that seeks to increase LGBTQ representation in Brazilian politics, also received awards at the event that Laverne Cox emceed.

“These people have courage — you have the courage to stand up,” said Lauper in her acceptance speech, specifically referring to VoteLGBT and its work in Brazil.

‘I just saw a lot of things that weren’t right’

Lauper’s LGBTQ advocacy spans decades.

She co-founded True Colors United, which seeks to end homelessness among LGBTQ youth, in 2008. Gregory Lewis, who co-founded True Colors United alongside Lauper, introduced her at the Outright International gala.

Lauper in 2010 created the “Give a Damn” campaign through True Colors United that specifically encouraged straight people to support LGBTQ rights. She raised funds for True Colors United and the Stonewall Community Foundation when she was a contestant on President Donald Trump’s “The Celebrity Apprentice” the same year.

Lauper headlined the WorldPride 2019 opening ceremony in New York. She received the first U.N. High Note Global Prize for her LGBTQ rights advocacy later that year.

Lauper in 2022 performed at the White House ceremony during at which then-President Joe Biden signed the Respect for Marriage Act, which codified marriage rights for same-sex couples into federal law. Lauper last year was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Cyndi Lauper on Dec. 13, 2022, performs at the White House ceremony at which then-President Joe Biden signed the Respect for Marriage Act, which codified marriage rights for same-sex couples into federal law. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Lauper in her Outright International speech talked about her decision to support LGBTQ rights.

“I just saw a lot of things that weren’t right,” she said.

“Because I’m friend and family, I thought it would be important to show up here and be with you guys,” added Lauper.

She told gala attendees and honorees that they inspire her.

“Tonight was a big inspiration for me because I was feeling kind of down about how things are going,” said Lauper. “I know that we need to stand together in any civil rights movement — and that’s what it fucking is!”

Lauper reiterated that message when she spoke with the Blade. She also criticized those who “weaponize religion” in their opposition to LGBTQ rights in the U.S. and around the world.

“That’s very sad,” said Lauper. “Religion is supposed to be about humanity and love and understanding each other.”

Lauper urged gala attendees to vote and to encourage their families and friends to do the same. She also told them not to “give up.”

“We can never give up,” said Lauper. “Even though it might look like we’re not going anywhere, you guys made me see that we are.”

“That inspires people,” she added. “You make ripples and you change right before your eyes. It don’t look like much, but it is and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger.”

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Why Michelle Visage needs you to get ‘PrEP Wise’

‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ judge speaks about new ViiV Healthcare campaign

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Michelle Visage (Photo by Santiago Felipe/Getty Images for MTV)

If you ask an LGBTQ person what Michelle Visage is known for, you’re likely to get a few similar answers. Most people will say that they know her as the co-judge on “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” with the woman serving looks (and scathing critiques) for more than a decade on this seminal program. Others may bring up her time awing audiences on the West End, or her initial star turn in the hit girl group Seduction. There are a few answers you may get when asking about Michelle Visage, but there’s one part of the performer’s career that not enough people bring up today: her advocacy. 

Before the record deals and hit TV shows, Michelle Visage was a tough teenager from New Jersey. A girl who knew she was meant for fame but was still figuring out how to get there. Eventually, the search for stardom brought her to 1980s New York, a thriving home of queer nightlife that taught Visage how her voice could be used to fight against hatred. And while she flexes that skill every day as a fierce advocate, she’s excited to be louder than ever through ViiV Healthcare’s new ‘PrEP Wisdom Campaign.’ 

Michelle Visage sat down with the Los Angeles Blade to discuss this campaign and how it feels to speak up about this important issue. But before we could get to the present, she stressed that if people wanted to know about her current work, they first had to understand how it all began.

Visage detailed her youth in New Jersey, her no-nonsense parents, and the many times she snuck into nightclubs hoping to be ‘discovered.’ It was in these clubs that she found the thriving ballroom scene of 1980s New York, saying, “I felt like Dorothy [from the ‘Wizard of Oz’] when she clicked her heels! [Except] Dorothy clicked her heels three times, and she ended up in Kansas — I ended up on Christopher Street with 30 or 40 of the weirdest, craziest looking misfits I’d ever seen in my life.” Michelle smiled widely as she remembered those early moments. “I was like, ‘Oh my god … I think I found my people.”

“I met Willie Ninja and Caesar Ninja Valentino, and they took me in as one of their own and started teaching me how to vogue. And that’s how life began for me in the ballroom!” She began to walk as a member of the House of Valentino — specifically Face, Body, and Femme Vogue — and found a second home amidst this thriving subculture of marginalized artists. “When I didn’t have anybody or a group or a clique to speak of, the queer scene in New York City took me in as one of theirs — and I became ‘Michelle Magnifique.’”

Through this community, Visage got to see the birth of our modern LGBTQ rights movement — as well as just how much the AIDS crisis would come to terrorize these people she’d begun to call her family. 

“Because I was so deep in this scene, I was affected greatly by the AIDS crisis and the lack of any kind of support from anything around us,“ said Michelle, speaking candidly about her many days spent at the bedsides of those suffering from this disease, acting as a source of comfort for folks whose blood family had abandoned them long ago. “I was standing by their side and holding their hand and being with them … I didn’t know what I was doing. But I knew that I needed to show up, and I knew that I needed to be there.”

Even when her career took Michelle from New York, she always carried those memories of standing by community members when nobody else would. This, when paired with her massive singing and acting talents, is what made her one of pop culture’s staunchest advocates for LGBTQ rights in the 90s and early 2000s. This earned her a massive queer following, and today, it’s what makes her the perfect partner for ViiV’s new PrEP Wisdom Campaign. 

“Viiv Healthcare is the only pharmaceutical company solely focused on preventing, treating, and ultimately curing HIV,” Michelle explained. “Their goal is to help end the HIV epidemic for all — and that, to me, is music to my ears.” 

It’s a goal that’s only become more important since the company was founded back in 2009. The only large-scale pharmaceutical company focused on ending the HIV epidemic, ViiV, not only fights cultural stigma but also saves thousands of lives daily by connecting folks to the treatment and prevention resources they need. Especially as we’re seeing numerous states — including California — begin to slash HIV funding, their work through campaigns like this one is becoming more important than ever.

“The PrEP Wisdom Campaign, first and foremost, is intended to encourage conversations between people who could benefit from PrEP, and [why they should] talk to their doctors to help determine which injectable PrEP might be right for them,” said Visage. She discussed how the campaign is information-oriented, with ViiV developing easy-to-understand pathways for folks to become more aware of injectable PrEP services as well as general HIV/AIDS-related resources. 

“More than 2 million Americans could benefit from PrEP to help prevent HIV [according to the] CDC — yet only 25 percent of them are currently using it!” She understands that there were many things holding people back from getting PrEP, ranging from cultural stigma to discriminatory doctors to a lack of awareness that these resources even exist. But she emphasizes that people cannot let social judgment hold them back from their health and safety! “If you’re not clicking with your health care provider, please find a new one. You don’t have to settle … there are plenty of people to choose from. Plenty of healthcare providers, plenty of doctors who want to work with you, who want to give you the information about PrEP, who want you to be on PrEP so you are protected.”

“Listen, we have come a long way since I started [back in] 1986], and we’ve got so much further to go,” Visage said, reflecting on her lifelong role as an HIV advocate, first as a teenager, and now as an acclaimed performer. But while she may have grown since then, she still carries the commitment to fighting against injustice that the queer community of 80s New York instilled in her. “I will fight forever on this platform. [Discrimination hasn’t] changed, so I don’t plan on changing.”

Michelle Visage knows that change doesn’t happen by being silent — it happens by staying informed and keeping yourself healthy so that you can speak out for what you know is right. In honor of the many lives she fought for in 1980s New York, Visage wants to help as many people as she can today get the PrEP resources they need. And through her new PrEP Wisdom campaign with ViiV, she’s excited to do exactly that.

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PHOTOS: Hagerstown Pride

Maryland LGBTQ celebration held outside Hub City Brewery

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A scene from the 2026 Hagerstown Pride Festival. (Washington Blade photo by Landon Shackelford)

Hagerstown Hopes held the Hagerstown Pride Festival outside Hub City Brewery on Saturday, May 30.

(Washington Blade photos by Landon Shackelford)

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