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Best of Gay D.C.: People

Blade readers vote for their favorite people in the Washington LGBT community

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Holly Twyford, Studio Theatre, Dirt, gay news, Washington Blade
Tom Goss, music, gay news, Washington Blade, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Musician: Tom Goss (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Musician: Tom Goss

Ba'Naka, Town, gay news, drag queen, Washington Blade, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Drag Queen: Ba’Naka Deveraux (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Drag Queen: Ba’Naka Devereaux
Ladies of Town

Liz Warner-Osborne, fitness, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Personal Trainer: Liz Warner-Osborne (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Personal Trainer: Liz Warner-Osborne

Jeffrey Johnson, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Actor: Jeffrey Johnson (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Actor: Jeffrey Johnson
AKA Special Agent Galactica

 

Holly Twyford, Dirt, Studio Theatre, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Actress: Holly Twyford (Photo courtesy of Studio Theatre)

Best Actress: Holly Twyford

Brent Minor, Team DC, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Committed Activist: Brent Minor (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Most Committed Activist: Brent Minor

Barney Frank, Democratic Party, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Gay Politician: Barney Frank (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Gay Politician: Rep. Barney Frank

U.S. House of Representatives (D-Mass.)

Julie Oleson, Baltimore Charm, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Amateur Athlete: Julie Oleson (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Amateur Athlete: Julie Oleson 

Julie Oleson is a rookie tight end who’s been training with the Baltimore Charm of the Lingerie Football League for the past seven months (final cuts are made before the start of the next season). Oleson says she was, “humbled enough being nominated for the award of ‘Best Amateur athlete’ and is blown away winning it.”

The Baltimore Charm is a third year franchise of the Lingerie Football League. The league is made up of several seven-on-seven women’s tackle football teams. Mitch Mortaza created the LFL in 2009 and games can be watched on MTV 2 on Friday nights. The Charm joined the league for the 2010-2011 season and last year they finished the season with a 2-2 record. Of course they are hoping to get past that .500 mark this season. The Charm plays their home games at First Mariner Arena in Baltimore. (JH)

Baltimore Charm

Brandon Hoover, Zoe salon, Best of Gay D.C., gay news, Washington Blade

Best Stylist: Brandon Hoover (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Stylist: Brandon Hoover — Zoe Salon and Spa

Brandon Hoover has been working at ZOE Salon and Spa in Fairfax for three-and-a-half years.

“It’s great,” he says of winning this award. “I’m amazed at how many D.C. residents come to Fairfax to see me.”

His favorite part of being a stylist is the client interaction and the creative outlet it gives him. Many of his clients leave looking completely different after each visit.

“I love encouraging self confidence and making beautiful women even more beautiful,” Hoover says.

This comes to light when he mentions the Pink Hair for Promise program that Zoe is participating in. From now until Feb. 2013, clients can pay $10 to get a pink hair extension, $9 of which goes toward the D.C. Breast Cancer walk. Last year the salon raised $19,000.

In the short time he’s been at Zoe, he has been featured in a national hairstyling collection, and been nominated for a Trend visions award in photo editorial and hair editorial.

If Hoover could do any celebrity’s hair, it would definitely be Lady Gaga.

“Hands down. I am the biggest little monster.” (JE)

Zoe Salon and Spa
11906 Lee Jackson Memorial Hwy
Fairfax, Virginia 22033

Ray Gernhart, realtor, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Realtor: Ray Gernhart (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Realtor: Ray Gernhart

Ray Gernhart has been in the real estate business for 25 years. He started in 1985 and since then has coordinated thousands of home sales. He specializes in residential and commercial sales in the D.C., Alexandria and Arlington areas.

He has earned top honors in many areas including a Lifetime Achievement Award, Re/Max Hall of Fame member, Re/Max Platinum Club and the $20 Million Plus Sales Producer since 1999 with the Northern Virginia and Greater Capitol Area Association of Realtors.

Gernhart’s office is located at 5100 Leesburg Pike in Alexandria and he and his team are members of the Re/Max Allegiance.

For more information on Gernhart and his team, visit talktoray.com. (JE)

Ray Gernhart and Associates
5100 Leesburg Pike
Alexandria, VA 22302

Chuck Bell, NBC4, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best LGBT TV Personality: Chuck Bell (Washington Blade photo by Jonathan Ellis)

Best LGBT TV Personality: Chuck Bell – NBC4

Chuck Bell has been a meteorologist at NBC4 in D.C. since October 2004.

“It’s fascinating that I would be recognized for that,” Bell says of winning this award. “It’s very flattering. I’m pleasantly surprised that people are taking note. I’m very excited by it.”

His most memorable local weather event was the blizzard in February 2010.

“For better or worse, I’m a weather extremes person. I like it most if it’s a record high or record low, record rainfall or record snowfall,” Bell says. “I realize that every day can’t be a record … My favorite weather is always going to be the weather that most people don’t like.” (JE)

Brock Thompson, Library of Congress, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Hill Staffer: Brock Thompson (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Hill Staffer: Brock Thompson

Brock Thompson has been working at the Library of Congress since the day after President Obama’s inauguration. He previously worked in the Senate.

“Having your finger on the pulse of the political atmosphere and political scene,” Thompson says is the best part of working on the Hill. “With the Library, it’s the nation’s oldest cultural institution so we get to promote and display our national treasures for everyone to see and enjoy. I never get tired of doing that.”

He’s president of the Library’s LGBT employees group, LC GLOBE. The group has increased membership and programming. The group has also started a rare book fund for rare LGBT books and materials to be added to the library’s LGBT collection.

His book, “The Un-Natural State: Arkansas and the Queer South,” a study of gay and lesbian life in Arkansas in the 20th century, was published in 2010 and can be purchased at Amazon. He is also a member of the Rainbow History Project’s board of directors, which he joined in 2011. (JE)

David Aponte, George Washington University, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Student Leader: David Aponte (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Student Leader: David Aponte — George Washington University

Virginia native David Aponte became interested in LGBT issues after learning what some teens were going through in school. He had been bullied in elementary and middle school for his religion, because he wasn’t tall and because his fellow students said he acted too intelligent. He wanted to keep others from feeling that pain.

“As a straight ally myself, a lot of us don’t speak up enough for communities that we don’t identify with,” Aponte says. “I think with the LGBT community, there’s a lot going on right now and people don’t understand what’s going on in that community. It’s important that we advocate for that.”

Aponte is the co-chair of GLSEN’s National Advisory Council and is the chair of the Northern Virginia chapter.

Aponte recently hosted an event with GLSEN for the organizations “Ally Week.” The event was mainly for high school students and had an open mic, dinner and dance.

He’s a junior at George Washington University majoring in integrated information science and technology, a special program geared toward people who are already working. (JE)

Best Masseur/Body Worker: Nildo Silva

It’s hard to stick with a fitness regimen. But, working with an experienced certified personal trainer like Nildo Silva can make that hard work seem almost enjoyable.

After a stint at Tranquil Space, Silva is now working at the popular FIT Personal Training Gym in Dupont Circle. He has multiple certifications and has been in the industry for 15 years, having worked in gyms in several countries.

A favorite with LGBT patrons, Silva is praised for both his persistence and his patience. He is noted for being knowledgeable, friendly and approachable and for his ability to work with both novice and experienced clients. He teaches individual and group personal training sessions, calisthenics and aerobics classes, and “Localizada,” a new style of group resistance training. (BTC)

Nildo Silva
FIT Personal Training Gym
1633 Q Street, NW Suite 110
202-255-7814

David Catania, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Local Hero: David Catania (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Local Hero: David Catania

David Catania made history when he was the first openly gay person elected to D.C. Council in 1997 and he’s been making waves ever since.

Catania was initially elected as a Republican, but he has since broken with the party. In 2004, Catania left the GOP after President George W. Bush announced his support for a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. Catania was decertified as a delegate to the Republican National Convention and announced his support for the Democratic candidate, John Kerry. In September 2004, he became an independent and still serves as an At-Large Council member in that capacity.

Catania is well known for his work on health care, including tackling the HIV/AIDS epidemic, education, housing, public safety and economic empowerment. In 2009, he became the driving force behind a D.C. same-sex marriage bill. The passage of the “Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Equality Amendment Act” on March 3, 2010 was hailed as both a personal and political victory for the often controversial Catania. (BTC)

David Catania

David Chung, Nellie's Sports Bar, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Bartender: David Chung (Washington Blade photo by Pete Exis)

Best Bartender: David Chung

Sadly, this award is being given posthumously — David Chung, who tended bar at Nellie’s, committed suicide in July.

Chung’s friend Zachary Wine said Chung had been battling suicidal tendencies. Wine told the Blade that he decided to publicly discuss Chung’s suicide as a way to help others who may want to take their own lives. “If you care about someone, tell them. If you can’t tell them, show them,” Wine says. “If you can’t show them, make yourself find a way to let the people you care about know, and never stop. I myself am horrible about showing my emotions, but it’s only through being there for someone that we can try to make sure this tragedy doesn’t happen again.”

Friends, family and patrons recalled Chung warmly, remembering his infectious smile and friendly manner. Wine eulogized his friend by saying, “he was one of the most caring individuals I’ve ever had the grace to know. And he carried that not just to the people he was close with, but the people he didn’t know.” (BTC)

DJ Rosie, Rosie Hicks, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best DJ: Rosie Hicks (Washington Blade photo by Blake Bergen)

Best DJ: Rosie Hicks

Popular DJ Rosie Hicks has a very full dance card these days. On the first Friday of every month she hosts Flirt Fridays at Phase 1 of Dupont. On the third Saturday, she plays for BARE (presented by the Ladies of LURe) at Cobalt. And, on the first, second and third Thursday of each month, she plays for Hip Hop Night at Club Hippo in Baltimore.

The native Baltimore resident is known for spinning a diverse blend of hip hop, top 40 and old school.

In her day job, Hicks works as a special education teacher at the Kennedy Krieger Center, where she “helps children with special needs reach their full potential.” She has a master’s in special education from Johns Hopkins University and an undergraduate degree in electronic media and film from Towson University. (BTC)

Aiden Cox, Drag King, Kings of D.C., Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Drag King: Aiden Cox (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Drag King: Aidan Cox

Aidan Cox is often described as a drag king stripper and admits he likes to take his clothes off.

“I’m a little different than other drag kings,” he says. “I sometimes do a tribal design on my chest and show the tape that binds my chest and I wear different pairs of little boy underwear. A lot of times I strip down to my underwear.”

Cox began performing in 2009 after reading about drag kings online and watching their videos on YouTube. Then Cox discovered the website for the D.C. Kings. Aidan started talking to Ken Vegas who invited him to attend a meeting.

For Cox, the magic started when he first performed in December 2009. “The stage has made me a new person,” he says. “Once you step into that light you get this amazing rush and you can’t help but want to keep going back for more.”

When not on stage, Cox, who identifies as queer, is working on a degree in counseling and hopes to work as a counselor for LGBT people. (BTC)

Aidan Cox
Dckings.com

Raymond Panas, George Washington University, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Educator: Raymond Panas (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Educator: Raymond Panas

Perhaps the best lesson Ray Panas offers his students at George Washington University is his ability to juggle his work as an educator, a researcher and an activist.

The popular instructor started teaching at GW in August 2009. He serves as an assistant professor in the Department of Clinical Research in the School of Medicine and Health Sciences.

As a researcher, Panas worked at the Allegheny County Public Health Labs in Pittsburgh and wrote a primer on AIDS Testing and Counseling for the Allegheny County Health Department. Panas is now director of medical and scientific affairs at Sucampo Pharmaceutical in Bethesda.

As an activist, Panas has been active in a variety of LGBT and HIV/AIDS groups. He has been on the board of Capital Pride since 2009 and currently serves as the organization’s secretary. He is also an active long-time member of Dignity/Washington, a community of LGBT Catholics. Panas was president of the group from 2007-2010. (BTC)

Best Rehoboth Bartender: Christopher Chandler

This was a close contest, with last year’s winner, Jamie Romano of Purple Parrot, and the multi-talented Holly Lane of Café Azafran, finishing just behind winner Chris Chandler of the Blue Moon. A Blue Moon fixture, Chandler (as he’s known to regulars) is known for his friendly smile, an uncanny memory (he’s usually mixing your drink before you order it) and, of course, his CrossFit-honed physique. Whether you visit the Moon on a packed summer weekend or a frigid, quiet February night, Chandler’s usually there to welcome you.

Congratulations, Chandler, but a piece of advice: If you want to retain the title next year, try mastering Jamie’s impressive rainbow shot or belting out show tunes while mixing drinks like Holly. (KN)

Blue Moon
35 Baltimore Ave.
Rehoboth Beach, DE 19971

Katy Ray, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Local Heroine: Katy Ray (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Local Heroine: Katy Ray

Katy Ray is perhaps best known as a promoter for Phase 1. In that role, she proudly hosts and publicizes events for the country’s longest-operating lesbian bar. She got her start shortly after she moved here from Richmond.

“I was new to D.C. and saw the ad for their karaoke night. It said if you bring 16 friends, you get a $25 bar tab. Well, I know how to network. I set up an event on my Facebook page and decided to make it a Lady Gaga night.”

About 80 people showed up and the night was a great success. Angela Lombardi, manager of Phase 1, asked Ray, a lesbian, if she wanted to host karaoke on a regular basis. Ray said yes, and the monthly event is now a fixture on the D.C. lesbian social calendar. Ray generally organizes each evening around a theme and she is already looking forward to the holiday lingerie party in December.

Ray, who works as a high school teacher by day, established a Gay-Straight Alliance at her school and teaches straight students that they can work as allies. Last summer she worked with LGBT school liaisons from across the city to develop educational materials for the D.C. Public School system. She encourages her students “not to take crap from anyone and to own who they are.” (BTC)

Katy Ray
Phase1dc.com

Joe Palacios, Georgetown, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Clergy: Joe Palacios (Washington Blade photo by Jonathan Ellis)

Best Clergy: Rev. Joseph Palacios

Joe Palacios is a Catholic priest on inactive status.

He’s a professor at Georgetown University where he has taught sociology and mentored many young gay men. He is vice president of The Center and celebrates Mass with Dignity Washington and Northern Virginia. Many know him politically from Catholics for Equality with which he worked on the marriage campaign in D.C. and now in Maryland, Maine, Minnesota and Washington State.

Authenticity matters, Palacios says. When entering the seminary at 32 in 1983, he presented himself as gay, celibate and willing to abide by the rules. Years later at Georgetown, he discovered that he was one of very few Latino professors and that there were a lot of gay students on campus. This reinforced his commitment to authenticity in his teaching, ministries, academic research and political activism. To be anything less than authentic, he says, would be shortchanging both himself and those around him in their own quests for authenticity. (PF)

Mara Keisling, National Center for Transgender Equality, NCTE, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Trans Advocate: Mara Keisling (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Trans Advocate: Mara Keisling

Mara Keisling once told the Blade that she would walk through hot coals for “anything she believed in.” Her indefatigable pursuit of transgender equality, make us believe her.

As founding executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality, Keisling (a transgender woman and parent) is one of the country’s leading voices for transgender rights. Her work with the Center (which Keisling helped found in 2003) has involved several prominent achievements including the first-ever trans-inclusive federal legislation, modification of State Department rules for changing gender markers on passports and the first congressional hearing on transgender issues.

In a recent interview with her alma mater, Penn State University, Keisling said, “almost anytime anything gets done for transgender people or for LGBT people, as a whole, we get calls from people saying, ‘Yes, but I still don’t have a job.’”  She and the Center are working to change this. (PF)

Douglas Warren Shantz, Doug Shantz, Nellie's Sports Bar, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Businessperson: Douglas Warren Shantz (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Businessperson: Douglas Schantz

Douglas Schantz, a self-proclaimed StairMaster champion, is the owner-operator of Nellie’s Sports Bar, which opened on U Street in 2007.

The win this year came as a surprise to Schantz, especially since he’s doing what he loves.

“I’ve always been an entrepreneur at heart and Nellie’s allows me to express that,” he says.

Schantz opened the bar, named after his great- and great-great grandmothers, with Rocio Anzola-Mendez after becoming friends when they worked together previously.

“I’m very in touch with my family’s genealogy,” Schantz says about the name, his favorite thing about the bar. “It seemed like a fun and natural fit.”

It’s to be expected that if any of the local teams has a televised game — professional or collegiate — it will be shown at the bar and big events, such as playoff games and tournaments, will be on the stadium-sized viewing screen. There’s no limit to which sports they’ll show.

“Every sport is my favorite to watch, duh,” Schantz says.

The bar also has regular events such as Drag Bingo, Drag Brunch, “Beat-the-Clock” happy hour, “Golden Girls” watch party and more.

Before opening Nellie’s, Schantz worked at advertising agencies in Chicago, New York, San Francisco and Washington. (JE)

Nellie’s Sports Bar
900 U St., N.W.
202-332-6355

Brett Johnson, Cobalt, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Straight Ally: Brett Johnson (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Straight Ally: Brett Johnson

Brett Johnson started working at Level One about three years ago as a server. She steadily worked her way up the ranks becoming a bartender, then assistant manager and finally general manager.

Through her job, she meets and interacts with people all the time.

“A lot of this year has been hard on a lot of my friends and a lot of my clients or customers … we’ve become really close and we’re there for each other … it’s kind of an award that validates everything that happened,” Johnson says. “I really appreciate it. I love the people that voted for me.”

She says that interaction and even the interaction between customers is one of the best parts of working at the restaurant. She once had a friend take a customer to JR.’s because he wanted to go, but didn’t want to go alone.

“They meet the staff and they meet other people sitting at the bar then they feel completely comfortable going upstairs,” Johnson says. “It just builds a community.”

Johnson became interested in LGBT rights in high school when her older brother came out. She started a gay-straight alliance in her high school and worked on a bullying and harassment policy in Omaha, Neb. She’s worked with several organizations through her job at Level One, including the Mautner Project and the Gay Men’s Chorus. (JE)

Level One
1639 R Street, NW
202-745-0025

 

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Real Estate

The rise of virtual home tours

Adapting to changing consumer preferences in spring real estate

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Looking for a home? Virtual tours hold special benefits for queer buyers.

In today’s dynamic real estate market, the spring season brings not only blooming flowers but also a surge of activity as buyers and sellers alike prepare to make their moves. However, in recent years, there’s been a notable shift in how consumers prefer to explore potential homes: the rise of virtual tours. 

For the LGBTQ community, these virtual experiences offer more than just convenience; they provide accessibility, safety, and inclusivity in the home buying process. 

Gone are the days of spending weekends driving from one open house to another – unless that’s your thing of course, only to find that the property doesn’t quite match expectations. With virtual tours, you can explore every corner of a home from the comfort of your own space – find something interesting? Schedule a showing with any LGBTQ Realtor at GayRealEstate.com.

This is particularly significant for LGBTQ individuals, who may face unique challenges or concerns when attending in-person showings. Whether it’s the ability to discreetly view properties without fear of discrimination or the convenience of touring homes located in LGBTQ-friendly neighborhoods across the country, virtual tours offer a sense of empowerment and control in the home buying process.

Moreover, virtual tours cater to the diverse needs of the LGBTQ community. For couples or families with busy schedules or those living in different cities or states, these digital walkthroughs provide a convenient way to view properties together without the need for extensive travel. Additionally, for individuals who may be exploring their gender identity or transitioning, virtual tours offer a low-pressure environment to explore potential living spaces without the added stress of in-person interactions.

At GayRealEstate.com, we understand the importance of adapting to changing consumer preferences and leveraging technology to better serve our community. That’s why our agents offer an extensive selection of virtual tours for LGBTQ individuals and allies alike – visit our website, choose an agent and within minutes you’ll have access to the Multiple Listing Service (MLS) via their website.

From cozy condominiums in bustling urban centers to sprawling estates in picturesque suburbs, virtual tours showcase a wide range of properties tailored to diverse tastes and lifestyles.

In addition to virtual tours, GayRealEstate.com provides comprehensive resources and support to guide LGBTQ buyers and sellers through every step of the real estate journey. Our network of LGBTQ-friendly agents is committed to providing personalized service, advocacy, and representation to ensure that all individuals feel respected, valued, and empowered throughout the process. Plus, we are happy to provide a free relocation kit to any city in the USA or Canada if you are a home buyer.

As we embrace the spring season and all the opportunities it brings in the real estate market, let’s also celebrate the power of virtual tours to revolutionize the way we find and experience our future homes. Whether you’re searching for your first apartment, forever home, or investment property, GayRealEstate.com is here to help you navigate the exciting world of real estate with confidence, pride, and inclusivity.

Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at [email protected].

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Advice

Should I divorce my husband for the hot new guy in our building?

Debating whether to leave or stay after the sex goes cold

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Dear Michael,

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and the sex is pretty much gone. It stopped being exciting a long time ago and pretty much the only time we ever do it is with the occasional third.

A really hot guy moved into our building about a year ago. We would see each other sometimes in the elevator or at our building’s gym and we started talking and really hit it off. Mark is 15 years younger than I but we seem to have a lot in common. We started hooking up and the sex is amazing.

I haven’t told my husband because it’s breaking our rule about no repeats. I have to say that the secrecy is hot. It’s kind of a thrill to take the elevator upstairs when I say I’m going on an errand. But it’s more than that. I have a connection with Mark that is far more amazing than what I have ever felt with my husband. Not just the sex. We just enjoy being together, talking about anything and everything.

My husband went to visit his family last weekend and I spent the whole time with Mark. Since then I can’t stop thinking that I want to leave my husband and be with Mark.

Part of me thinks this is a crazy mid-life crisis. I mean, this kid’s in a totally different place in life. But we have mind-blowing sex and a fantastic connection. I’d like your thoughts on how to proceed.

Michael replies: 

You’ve got a lot to consider.

First: Sex with a long-term partner changes over time. It tends to be less about erotic heat and more about the connection with a person whom you love. In other words, it’s being with the person you’re with that makes the sex meaningful and even great. Having a good sexual relationship with a long-term partner comes far more from a heart connection than from a crotch attachment.  

Second: You seem ready to throw your relationship under the bus pretty quickly, without addressing other problems in the relationship besides sex. When you are sneaking around, lying, and rule-breaking , I don’t see how you can look your husband in the eye; and if you can’t look him in the eye, you certainly can’t have even a half-way decent relationship.

Yet another point to consider: Affairs pretty much always seem more exciting than marriage. The partner is new, which almost automatically makes the sex hotter; the secrecy is a thrill; and you don’t have to deal with paying the rent, house chores, and all the petty annoyances of living up-close with someone day-in, day-out.  

You are bringing lots of energy to your affair, and everything about it is exciting. You are bringing no energy — at least no positive energy — to your marriage. You get what you put into a relationship.

Divorce is not something that should be entered into lightly. Be aware that if you leave your husband for Mark, you will no doubt find over time that the sex becomes less exciting and that the connection is not always fantastic. No surprise, 75 percent of marriages that begin with affair partners end in divorce. While I don’t think statistics predict what will happen to any particular couple, believing that you will have a significantly better relationship with your affair partner than you did with your husband sets you up for likely disappointment.

Many gay men focus on “hot sex” as the big draw, pursuing a lot of sex with a lot of men, and/or pursuing an ongoing series of relationships that last until the sex cools. If that’s what you want, that’s fine. But it’s a different path from pursuing a close and loving long-term relationship, which involves knowing someone well and having him know you well; collaborating on getting through the hard stuff life throws at us; finding ways to make peace with disappointment; and consistently striving to be someone worth being married to. 

How to proceed? While you are the only person who should make that decision, I would suggest that whatever your choice, keep in mind that marriage can be more than what you’ve made of it, so far.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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Autos

Sport haulers: Jeep Grand Cherokee, Mercedes GLE-Class

Updated cabins, adept handling, and more

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Jeep Grand Cherokee

Now that March Madness and the Masters are over, it’s time for, well, everything else. For my husband and me, this means water sports, as in kayaks and rowing sculls, which is why we trekked to the Potomac for the George Washington Invitational regatta last weekend. 

Alas, high winds splashed cold water on the event, canceling much of it. But there was still plenty of spirited camaraderie to rival “The Boys in the Boat.” 

And I was reminded of my time years ago as a rower with D.C. Strokes, ferrying teammates to races up and down the East Coast. Back then my ride was a dated, rather cramped four-door sedan. 

If only we could have paddled around in a sporty SUV like the two reviewed here. Now that would have been some smooth sailing (wink-wink). 

JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE 

$40,000

MPG: 19 city/26 highway

0 to 60 mph: 7.5 seconds

Maximum cargo room: 37.7 cu. ft. 

PROS: Updated cabin, adept handling, strong towing 

CONS: So-so gas mileage, no third row, pricey trim levels

IN A NUTSHELL: Rough, tough and buff. It’s doesn’t get much more butch than a Jeep. This year’s Grand Cherokee is no exception, with rugged looks, expert off-road capability and better-than-average towing capacity of 6,200 pounds. 

There are a dizzying number of trim levels—more than a dozen—starting with the barebones base-model Laredo at an affordable $40,000. The lineup tops out with the Summit Reserve 4xe PHEV, which is almost twice the price at $76,000 and one of various plug-in hybrid versions available. Those plug-in hybrids can drive up to 25 miles on all-electric power before the four-cylinder gas engine kicks in. Otherwise, you can choose from a standard V6 or V8. Gas mileage on all trim levels is basically the same as the competition. 

Where the Grand Cherokee really shines is in the handling. More refined than a Wrangler but less lavish than a Land Rover, this Jeep maneuvers just as well on city streets and highways as it does on bumpier terrain.    

I tested the mid-range and mid-priced Overland, which comes standard with four-wheel drive and large 20-inch wheels. It also boasts a slew of niceties, such as quilted upholstery, panoramic sunroof and high-tech digital displays. These include a 10.25-inch infotainment touchscreen and rear-seat entertainment system. 

The nine-speaker Alpine stereo, designed specifically for the Grand Cherokee, is pleasing. But I really wanted to hear the boffo 19-speaker McIntosh surround-sound system that Jeep also offers. Sigh, it’s only available on the premium Summit trim level. 

MERCEDES GLE-CLASS

$64,000 

MPG: 20 city/25 highway

0 to 60 mph: 6.6 seconds

Maximum cargo room: 33.3 cu. ft. 

PROS: Lush interior, silky-smooth suspension, speedy 

CONS: Some confusing electronics, tight third row, many competitors

IN A NUTSHELL: For a more high-class hauler, there’s the Mercedes GLE-Class. This midsize SUV is similar in size to the Jeep Grand Cherokee. But instead of seating five passengers, the GLE can carry up to seven. Sure, legroom in the optional third row may be tight for taller travelers, but it’s perfect for a cocky cockswain or two. 

Six trim levels, ranging from the base-model GLE 350 to two high-performance AMG models. For eco-conscious buyers, the GLE 450e plug-in hybrid arrived earlier this year and can run on battery power alone for almost 60 miles. 

My test car was the top-of-the-line AMG 63 S 4Matic, a head-turner in every way. Priced at a whopping $127,000, this GLE looks best in glossy black with the Night Package, which includes tasteful jet-black exterior accents and matte-black wheels. To complete the Darth Vader effect, there’s a deep, menacing exhaust rumble that’s downright threatening.

You expect such a ride to be wicked fast, and it is: 0 to 60 mph in a blistering 3.7 seconds. Yet the carbon ceramic brakes with their devil-red calipers are equally impressive in slowing things down quickly. 

Inside, each GLE comes with two large digital displays on the elegantly sculpted dashboard. My favorite feature is the “Hey Mercedes” digital assistant, which responds to voice commands such as opening or closing the sunroof, operating the infotainment system or activating the climate controls. 

It’s hard to find sport seats that are more comfortable, especially with the heavenly massage function (though those massage controls could be a bit more user-friendly.) For AMG models, the seats come with red-contrasting stitching and red seatbelts—a nod to the devilish demeanor under the hood.

Considering all the SUVs available in showrooms, few make quite the splash of a GLE.

Mercedes GLE-Class
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