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Lesbian Nigerian immigrant on struggle to come out

‘I wondered if I was the only African lesbian in the world’

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Nigeria, gay news, Washington Blade, Africa

 

Nigeria, gay news, Washington Blade, Africa, Nigerian

In addition to the challenges that many Americans face when coming out, first generation immigrants often face additional hardships.

There are many challenges for LGBT people whose sexual orientation or gender identity intersects with other identities, such as race, gender, or nationality. In addition to the challenges that many Americans face when coming out, first generation immigrants often face additional hardships.

I recently discussed this topic with a lesbian, Nigerian immigrant, who agreed to speak with me under the condition of anonymity. She is a 34-year-old woman who immigrated from Nigeria as a teenager. She attended college and graduate school, lives in the D.C. area, and is employed in a professional capacity.

“I’m doing this anonymously because being Nigerian and gay, it’s a safety issue,” she said. “I also want to spare my parents.”

Her parents have not been accepting of her sexuality. “When I first came out to someone in my family, it didn’t go well,” she noted. “I broke up with my girlfriend, retreated, and started dating men. I didn’t expect the extreme reaction from my family.  When my family learned about my being gay, there were threats.”

My source also discussed her internal struggle with being Nigerian and lesbian.  “When I came to America, I had no idea I was a lesbian.  When I was in college, I saw a woman’s body and started thinking and fantasizing about it. Because I didn’t have these feelings when I was younger, I thought it was something America did to me.”

She went through periods of identifying as bisexual, then lesbian, and, subsequently, taking it back before embracing her identity as a lesbian. She dated men and explored her feelings for women in college, but her first serious relationship was with a woman, while she was in graduate school. She has also been in a long-term relationship with a man, but did not feel the same level of passion and attraction that she does with women.

“Where I come from, my value as a woman is tied to getting married and having a kid,” she told me. Most people believe “that being gay is an idea that came from America, from the West. I have struggled with the idea that I can’t be lesbian and African. I didn’t have a frame of reference.” She asked herself, “How am I lesbian and African and an immigrant. I wondered if I was the only African lesbian in the world.”

My source has been disowned and re-owned and disowned again by her parents.  When her family gets together for the holidays, they usually do not invite her. When she sends her parents texts, they often do not respond. She also was fearful of “disappointing my parents so bad that they would want to hurt themselves.”

Part of her growth process has been that even “when my parents act like they don’t love me, it doesn’t cause me to act like I don’t love them. They helped me out so much.” She believes that “they feel betrayed that I chose something else over them and if I really love them and wasn’t so selfish, I would suck it up and marry a man.”

“To cope, I have grown a lot spiritually. For years, I thought about hurting myself. That’s the damage that this has done. The lying, the hiding, the fear. I did some therapy, but what has really helped me is my spirituality. I’m seeing in the eyes of God, I am gay and African and a woman. My approval rests less and less with my family and more with God.”

She has also been burdened by relatives who have told her that she can never go back to visit Nigeria. Over the years, she has come to realize that this is not true. One of her cousins in Nigeria knows that she is a lesbian and has said she can stay with her family. Another aunt has expressed support and wants to meet her girlfriend, who is also a first generation African immigrant. She now realizes that she has “some support if I live in my truth.”

She did this interview because she wants “people to know they are not alone. It’s possible to be lesbian and African and out. [She is out to family and friends, but has safety concerns about identifying herself in print.] I have a really good life. Who knows what’s going to happen next? I don’t have to choose between being African and my sexuality or between being African and being in a relationship.”

She is willing to talk directly to other LGBT immigrants who are struggling with similar circumstances. She can be reached by sending a request to me or to the Blade.

Lateefah Williams’ biweekly column, ‘Life in the Intersection,’ focuses on the intersection of race, gender and sexual orientation. She is a former president of the Gertrude Stein Democratic Club. Reach her at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter @lateefahwms.

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Why I’m supporting Gary Goodweather for D.C. mayor

In a word, longtime local resident has the character for the job

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Gary Goodweather (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Hey fellow LGBTQ+ Democrats, this is worth reading! Especially if you’re a voter in Washington, D.C. who’s planning to cast a ballot for the nomination of local candidates in the District of Columbia in 2026.

Because next Tuesday June 16 is a really Big Deal for D.C. Democrats. It’s the first time in two decades that the doors to filling the crucially important job of mayor are wide open because no incumbent is on the ballot. 

That is, Mayor Muriel Bowser is not running for election. Instead she will — at last, and after three terms in office — symbolically ride off into the political sunset. And to considerable and well deserved applause. Because she’s been rightly lauded for many important accomplishments, including her well documented record of supporting the many diverse issues concerning the LGBTQ+ community. 

But she’s been equally derided for her far too spineless a record recently, of (not) effectively opposing President Donald Trump and his outrageous stationing of outsider National Guard armed troops all across D.C. This despicably sad state of affairs has been a grim statement that Washington, D.C. (not being a state) is subject to the Donald’s feral instincts for nastily mean-spirited retributions. But she’s been meek and mild, and even actively complicit with Trump, when other mayors have told Trump to buzz off. And they succeeded.

But enough about Mayor Bowser. Her “sell by date” fast approaches. The old order changes. And a new day dawns. 

Next Tuesday, two candidates of this old (and by now seriously outmoded) order seek to win the coveted Democratic nomination for mayor on June 16.  First, there’s Janeese Lewis George, who’s a great first or second choice by any measure. And (ahem) then there’s Kenyan McDuffie.

But this is Ranked Choice Voting and it’s brand new. It’s not “either/or” binary, just like we now appreciate that sexual orientation and identity are also non-binary.  

My first choice is clear because I know him. His name is Gary Goodweather. But so, who is this outsider candidate for mayor anyway?

It goes like this. First, together with his remarkable wife, successful D.C. Realtor Meredith Margolis, Gary and their two college age kids are all 20-year residents of Dupont Circle.  I actually first met Gary and Meredith a year ago at a BBQ event, when he was a speaker at the historic, progressive, feminist Woman’s National Democratic Club. 

So once again, who’s this Gary Goodweather? And why should you seriously consider him for your personal first or second or even third choice?

Here’s why.  He’s new to politics in the conventional old paradigm of “politics.” But he knows Washington, D.C. forwards and backwards and inside and out. Because he’s been involved for many years in successful local private sector business investments, including the development of neighborhood-based BIDs, or Business Improvement Districts including the one in NoMa.

And his thinking is typically “out-of-the box.” For example, he’s currently an actual active advocate for establishing agriculture in our densely populated urban environment —  through so-called “tiered gardens.” Yes, D.C., trust me, this is an actual thing. And yes, it requires street smarts to deal with challenging zoning issues; but it’s a real example of what fresh blood and new thinking and real imagination can bring to our hogtied and often over-regulated city.

Gary was in the U.S. Army and the National Guard for four years as a captain in the armored command.  He earned his MBA in finance from Johns Hopkins University in night school. 

If elected, Gary would be D.C.’s first Jewish mayor. (His is Reform Judaism. Repair the breach!)

He’s become my friend and I admire his intelligence and diligence and imagination and in a word his character. 

Here’s what he said to me about what he calls his political North Star: “All D.C. residents should be protected, regardless of who they love. Love is love. Love who you want. Identify how you choose to be.”

Look, it’s always time for good weather in our city. Maybe it’s time for Gary Goodweather as mayor too. First choice or second choice. Then let’s all see what happens next.


David Hoffman is a freelance writer and retired federal government civil servant. He is a longtime resident of the H Street Northeast corridor. He is a member of both the Woman’s National Democratic Club and DSA, Democratic Socialists of America Metro DC chapter. 

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Don’t just vote for change — vote for Hope Solomon for mayor

LGBTQ community isn’t separate from Washington’s story — it is our story

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Hope Solomon

My name is Hope Solomon, and I’m running for mayor of Washington, D.C.

I’ve spent my entire life here. I attended D.C. Public Schools. I grew up working in my family’s small business here in D.C. I live in Dupont Circle. For 17 years, I worked in national security with the Department of Defense, FBI, and Department of Homeland Security. Then last July, I got DOGE’d by Elon Musk.

I don’t recommend it as a career strategy.

But it did give me something I hadn’t had in a long time: perspective.

For the first time in years, I had space to slow down and ask a simple question: Why does it feel like Washington is being run by the same small group of people playing musical chairs, while everyone else is just expected to live with the results?

That’s when I decided to run.

I wasn’t raised in Washington’s political circles. I was raised in Washington. There’s a difference.

Some of my earliest memories are going to see the AIDS Quilt on the National Mall with my mother. I didn’t fully understand it at the time, but I understood enough to know it mattered—because it made something the country had been trying not to see completely impossible to ignore.

My family’s version of a home-cooked meal has always been Annie’s or Mr. Henry’s. I grew up going to Pride, the High Heel Race, drag brunches, and drag shows. As a kid, I thought that was just what cities were like—sequins, show tunes, queens, neighbors, everything mixed together.

Turns out that wasn’t every city.

It was Washington.

The arts shaped me just as much as anything else. I started at Fillmore Arts Center, trained for years with the Washington School of Ballet, and performed across the city—from the Kennedy Center to Warner Theatre to Lisner Auditorium.

The arts taught me discipline and confidence. But more than that, they taught me something Washington has always understood: A city works when people are free to be exactly who they are.

Growing up here, LGBTQ+ Washingtonians were my neighbors, my teachers, fellow business owners, artists, friends, and family.

They helped build the Washington I know.

And that’s why this moment matters.

Washington is facing a budget crisis. Small businesses are struggling. The federal government is openly hostile toward our city. But what worries me most isn’t just policy—it’s whether we lose what makes Washington itself while trying to fix it.

Because the soul of this city is in places like Annie’s. It’s in neighborhood restaurants, small theaters, Pride celebrations, independent businesses, and the people who make this city feel like home.

As mayor, I’ll fight to protect that. I’ll stand up for LGBTQ+ rights, support LGBTQ+ youth, invest in the arts, strengthen public safety, and back the small businesses that keep our neighborhoods alive.

Most importantly, I’ll lead with the understanding that the LGBTQ+ community isn’t separate from Washington’s story.

It is Washington’s story.

If you want another career politician, you’ve got plenty of options.

If you want someone who was shaped by this city, believes in this city, and is ready to fight for this city, I’m asking for your vote.

Learn more at HopeForDC.com. On Election Day, don’t just vote for change. Vote for Hope.


Hope Solomon is a candidate for D.C. mayor.

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Vote Kenyan McDuffie for D.C. mayor

He will best protect D.C.’s interests amid federal meddling

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Kenyan McDuffie (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

Elections are always important, but this year in D.C. they will bring major changes. Because of that, your vote in the Democratic primary on June 16 is more important than ever. D.C. is so overwhelmingly Democratic it is a near certainty the winners in the Democratic primary will win the general election. So, I urge everyone eligible, take the time to vote. 

D.C. makes it very easy. Every registered voter has received a ballot in the mail. I cast mine before I left for a vacation. When you read this don’t put your ballot in the mail, rather vote at an early voting location, or put your ballot in one of the drop boxes around the city, or vote in person on June 16. You can find the locations for these options nearest you by going to the DCBOE website.

This year for the first time D.C.is dealing with rank choice voting, and who you rank second, or third, can make a difference in the outcome. It is important to note that you don’t have to rank the candidates. You can bullet vote for the one you like, or rank up to five. If there is one or more you like, you can simply choose a #1 and #2. Again, there is no requirement that you rank more people. From what I am seeing, in most of the races, even if five, six, or more, are running and listed on the ballot, in most of those races it will come down to one or two who have any chance. The way the city handles giving out our public money, it will cost us a lot of taxpayer dollars for all those people with no chance at all to win. I hope after these elections the Council will take a close look at how we do our public financing, and reform it. I am all for public financing, just not at the rate D.C. does it. We must ensure anyone who gets city money, accounts for every penny of it. It should never be spent on personal items. If it is not all used, it needs to be refunded to the city.

I have not made endorsements in every race, but clearly the most important race this year in D.C. is for mayor. After 12 years of Muriel Bowser serving as our mayor, there will be someone new sitting in that office after Jan. 1, 2027. What people must remember when voting for mayor, is the person we elect, even if Democrats take back Congress, and I think we will, must continue dealing with the felon in the White House for the first two years of their term. We have seen doing that requires the skill to walk a tightrope. While fighting him on nearly all he is doing, it’s crucial the mayor understands they must not alienate him to the point where he goes all out to attack the city, and the residents here. Remember, home rule gives the felon in the White House, and Congress, enormous power over us. Congress gets to review all our legislation, and our budgets, before they become law. The president controls the D.C. National Guard, and the federal agencies that in many cases get involved, and impact the work of our city. That includes housing, parks, the MPD, and others. There is only one person on the ballot who fully understands that, and has shown, by word and action, they know how to deal with him in the way that will benefit all the people in our city. That person is Kenyan McDuffie. I urge your #1 vote for him. If you have decided to vote for one of the other candidates, I would hope you would list him on your ballot as #2. 

Then for Democratic Council-at-large I urge you to consider a #1 vote for Kevin Chavous. Then Brian Schwalb for Attorney General, Phil Mendelson for Council Chair, and Brooke Pinto for delegate to Congress. For Ward 5 Council I recommend Zachary Parker. For Democratic Party slots, I urge a vote for all those running on the Democrats United for a Free D.C. slate. 

Then for the Independent Council-at-Large seat I urge a vote for Jacque Patterson or if you vote for Doni Crawford, rank Jacque #2. 

Again, the results of this election will determine the future of the District of Columbia. It is the most important election here in years. I urge everyone who can vote in the primary to do so. Your vote can make a difference to you, and all your neighbors. 


Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist.

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