Living
Back to School: How it got better at William & Mary
Trammell on the importance of mentoring new generation
The future rector, Jeff Trammell (class of 1973), was captain of the basketball team. (Photo courtesy of Trammell)
Editor’s note: This is the second installment in the “Back To School” series assessing the LGBT climate on university campuses as told by alumni we’re pairing with current students to tell their stories. This week: Jeff Trammell and William & Mary. Next in the series: Lesbian author Fay Jacobs returns to American University.
Speaking of her beloved college, the acclaimed actress Glenn Close once said, “I have an indestructible, visceral connection to this place — a connection which is vital and real and which has sustained me through good times and bad.”
This loving endorsement of William & Mary by Close threads the needle for this series. As we explore the experiences and struggles of gay alumni, the actress known for her roles in “Dangerous Liaisons” and “Fatal Attraction” serves apt imagery.
For Jeff Trammell, in the early 1970s, any same-sex liaisons would have been dangerous — and any attraction could be fatal to his reputation, or worse.
So, while heterosexual classmates were sewing their wild oats, Trammell buried himself in books, basketball and life in the Lambda Chi fraternity. One can picture him with 20 pounds of history books in his backpack, waiting in line to use a public pay phone to call his “date” — a coed with whom only polite conversation would take place. No liaisons, no attractions. The oats he sewed were mild. He only risked coming out once, quietly, to his straight little brother in the fraternity. Much later in life, Trammell would come to lead the Lambda Alliance for LGBTQ’s, but, typical of Trammell, he didn’t drop his ties to Lambda Chi. To this day he is thankful to — and a dear friend of —his little brother and sole confidant, Dave Blount.
Trammell took one shot at wild oats back then. It was a secret mission into D.C. to check out the legendary gay bar, Lost and Found. He arrived at 7 p.m. and entered solo. The bartender just laughed and said, “Come back at 11.” The star senior hoopster was a rookie in gay life so he anxiously sat out in the parking lot. Once inside at the stroke of 11, he saw men dancing with men. As he puts it, “Breathtaking.” But, across the crowded dance floor he spotted the captain of the tennis team, and frightened, he slunk into the shadows, “which is not easy at 6’7″.”
Like many southern boys, Trammell relies on those immortal words from “Steel Magnolias”: “That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” And strong is an understatement. Settled down with Stuart Serkin, his husband with whom he has danced for 36 years, they laugh at having met taking the Florida Bar exam — and Serkin had to coax out of Trammell that his great uncle was indeed “that” former Gov. Trammell of Florida. Their first date was to see “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf” and here they are 36 years later watching the potential reality horror show “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Under Ken Cuccinelli?” But, ever present in their politics, both are at the barricades working for Democratic gubernatorial candidate Terry McAuliffe.
Trammell has worked for Democrats on Capitol Hill for decades, run LGBT outreach for both the Al Gore and John Kerry campaigns and gone toe-to-toe on gay issues with the likes of Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly on Fox News. Throughout his life, he has always stayed involved in William & Mary alumni affairs. Last year, he agreed once again to mentor an undergrad — this time Davey McKissick, a senior whose experiences are quite different.
First off, McKissick’s books and phone are both on his iPad, and literally balanced in the palm of his hand. In his other hand? His boyfriend’s. No pay phones, no book bags, no coed “beards.” And if McKissick were single and ran into a gay tennis player, he wouldn’t feel the need to run away. He leads an authentic life. He has learned his gay history through documentaries, lectures at W&M and through Trammell. His ambition was to intern in D.C. and among the 15,000 alumni in the D.C. area, he’s sitting at Trammell and Company with Jeff — the first openly gay board chair (rector) of a major university.
William & Mary elected the first openly gay board chair of a major university in the United States. It didn’t happen in Cambridge, Berkley or Madison. It happened in Williamsburg, Va. “I owe it all to the GALA students and faculty at the university,” Trammell said. “They created the climate for this to happen.” There are many reasons to look up to this former basketball star, and his height isn’t even at the top of the list. Start with McKissick’s gay hero, Barney Frank. It so happens that Trammell co-founded Stonewall Democrats with Frank, so the next thing you know, bang, McKissick is shaking hands with his hero. McKissick is interested in LGBT outreach at the DNC, and poof, he’s sitting in the director, Jeff Marootian’s office, working the Obama-Biden campaign.
When not mentoring students, Trammell can be found funding LGBT lectures at W&M with Chris Bram, fellow alum and the author of “Gods and Monsters,” or helping to fund the Boswell Project, named for John Boswell, class of 1969 — the historian of same-sex relationships in the middle ages. Ironically, Boswell was lost in the AIDS plague. Or you can find Trammell working with David Mixner on the gay issues documented in the U.S. Holocaust Museum. He’s been appointed to the board of the Association of Governing Boards of Universities and Colleges, which represents 38,000+ trustees across the U.S. He’s answering his Blade interview questions at 1 a.m. and then at press time, he’s on the front page of the Washington Post dealing with the new tuition structure. Throughout, his trips to Williamsburg and Richmond are frequent.
Davey McKissick (class of 2014) has led a very different life on campus than his mentor, Jeff Trammell (’73), at William & Mary. (Photo courtesy of McKissick)
Back in Williamsburg, McKissick has already navigated the same gauntlet of traditions Trammell did — swimming the Crim Dell pond, jumping the wall of the Governor’s Mansion, and running the Sunken Gardens. But today, gay campus life is lived in Technicolor with Pride festivals, movie nights and the occasional drag show. There are “safe zones” throughout campus, letting LGBT students know they are welcome.
Reflecting on all this change, Trammell recalls his mother’s reaction late in life to his coming out post-college.
“Well, she was very WASPy and southern and that adds up to being polite,” Trammell said. “She said ‘Oh, honey, I’ve known that for a long time. Now, we don’t need to talk about it’.”
He got unconditional love, but conditional parameters for discussing it. McKissick’s answer to the question about his straight heroes is heart-warming. He answers: “Betty and Ron.” That would be his parents, the McKissicks.
“I could not ask for more supportive influences in my life,” he said. “They motivate me to set high goals for myself and to be relentless in achieving them.” Betty and Ron have no problem talking with — or about — their son.
“It’s remarkable to see Davey is fully out and authentic, things not possible for me back then,” Trammell said. “I think no matter what the size of your alma mater, gay alums should get back involved and support their students.”
As rector, he will officiate commencement at William & Mary Hall this summer, on the same floor he played his first basketball game.
The college marks 1918 as admitting the first woman student and 1951 the first African American. Gays have been there since 1693, but the price to pay for being admitted was no admission of who you were. Those days are steadily fading behind us. Because of its history, W&M has been called “the alma mater of a nation:”
Hark the students voices swelling
Strong and true and clear
Alma Mater’s love their telling
Ringing far and near
Today, each student’s voice is strong and clear. Liaisons aren’t dangerous and attractions aren’t fatal to your reputation. LGBT alumni proudly join Glenn Close in a visceral connection that has sustained them all through the years.
And so, even from a famed Sunken Garden, when he’s standing on Trammell’s shoulders, McKissick can see nothing but rainbows in a clear blue sky ahead of him.
Read the previous installment of this series at washingtonblade.com. If you have alumni stories to share, reach Brent Mundt at [email protected].
Dear Michael,
I’ve been dating Mark for three years, living together for two, and I’m not sure he’s for me. We get along great but I’m questioning how attracted I am to him.
I was never crazy about him physically but he was such a sweet and smart guy that I wanted to date him.
Sex was never mind-blowing and the longer we’ve been together the more this is bothering me. I wonder if I could find someone who appeals to me more, physically.
On the plus side, I like him a lot. He has good values, shares my religious faith, which is hard to find in another gay guy, is responsible and has a good work ethic. Also, I just have fun with him and he’s always interested to hear what’s on my mind. He’s an all-around decent guy.
As I’m writing this, I’m thinking that he seems great and that I’m a fool for even questioning our relationship. But all my friends are always talking about the amazing sex they are having, and then I think I’m missing out on a key part of life because my sex life is comparatively lackluster.
I don’t want to settle. But how likely am I to find another guy who is as all-around a good catch as Mark, but with more sexual chemistry?
Michael replies:
I don’t think the right approach is to wonder about your chances for of finding someone better. Anyone you find will have things you aren’t crazy about.
For example, you might find someone whom you’re wildly attracted to sexually, but they’ll bore you or annoy you, or have values you don’t respect.
I understand that you aren’t wildly sexually attracted to Mark. The truth is that it’s extremely unlikely that you would remain wildly sexually attracted to anyone for that long. People tend to get used to each other over time. Sex can remain great, but more from closeness and love than heat and sizzle.
I work with people all the time who wonder if there is someone “better” out there. And I tell them, they’re never going to get through all the possibilities before they die. Instead, how about thinking if the guy you are with is someone you’d like to go with on this journey through life?
Mark’s attributes that you mention sound wonderful to me. After more than 30 years working with folks on relationships, and being in my own 30+ year relationship, I have learned a thing or two about what creates a relationship that is satisfying and good. A decent, kind guy with admirable values is an excellent start.
The question is, can you live with your sex life not being on an orgasmically hot mind-blowing level? I hope the answer is yes, because sex with anyone you pick is not likely to stay in that sort of realm for long.
Another point to consider: I don’t think you should get too caught up in what your friends are telling you. They may be having amazing sex, but are they all having it with the same long-term partner? As I mentioned, long-term sex can be great, but the excitement tends to be replaced by caring connection over time.
I’ll generalize here for a moment: Because so many gay men have many sexual partners, the kind of sex you have with someone new, whom you’re tremendously attracted to, tends to be glorified among gay men as the gold standard of sex. But it’s not realistic for sex with a long-term partner.
This glorification is a big problem: It leaves gay men who are not having torrid sex with lots of guys feeling like there is something wrong with the sex they are having, that they are missing out on something super fantastic. Just like you are feeling.
If you want a lifetime of ongoing hot sex, I don’t think you should be looking for a relationship. If you are willing to accept sex being a not-always fantastic, but perhaps consistently loving, often good, and occasionally great part of life with a kind decent guy, then Mark might just be the right partner for you after all.
(Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].)
Real Estate
Does Pride decor resemble Trump’s design aesthetic?
Glitter, gold, and rejecting the idea that a home should be understated
Interior design is often a balancing act between taste, personality, and restraint. Sometimes, however, restraint leaves the building entirely. Such is the case when the colorful exuberance of gay Pride-inspired decorating collides with the famously excessive decorating style associated with the current occupant of the White House. The result can be a fascinating study in maximalism, spectacle, and unapologetic visual overload.
Donald Trump’s personal decorating style has long been a subject of debate among designers and critics. Admirers see luxury and grandeur. Critics see something else: a dizzying display of gold leaf, marble, mirrors, crystal, and oversized furnishings that often crosses the line from elegant into what many designers would call tacky. More is rarely enough. If one chandelier sparkles, three are better. If a room has gold accents, why not make every available surface gold? (See Oval Office and ballroom rendition for details.)
In many ways, this excess shares common ground with certain Pride celebrations. Pride has never been about blending into the background. It celebrates visibility, self-expression, individuality, and joy. Rainbow colors, dramatic costumes, glitter, flamboyant artwork, and bold statements have long been part of Pride culture. Yet there is an important difference. Pride’s extravagance is often playful, self-aware, and rooted in personal expression, while Trump’s aesthetic has frequently been criticized for equating luxury with sheer quantity and visual intensity.
Combining these influences creates an interior that could best be described as “glamorous chaos.”
Imagine entering a living room in which gold-trimmed mirrors stretch from floor to ceiling. Crystal chandeliers hang above a bright rainbow velvet sectional. Marble floors gleam beneath metallic furniture that appears determined to reflect every available light source. Pride flags become framed artwork surrounded by ornate gold moldings. A room designed this way doesn’t whisper. It shouts.
Color is central to the concept. Pride-inspired interiors often embrace the full spectrum of colors. Trump’s style, meanwhile, traditionally favors cream, gold, black, and glossy finishes. Combining them means introducing vivid jewel tones against a backdrop of faux-palatial luxury. Emerald green chairs, ruby-red draperies, sapphire-blue accent walls, and gold-trimmed furniture can coexist in a way that feels deliberately theatrical.
The key word is theatrical.
Many professional designers spend years learning how to create visual balance. A Pride-meets-Trump interior intentionally ignores many of those rules. Pattern competes with pattern. Shine competes with shine. Artwork competes with furniture. The eye rarely gets a chance to rest. For some homeowners, that sounds exhausting. For others, it sounds like the perfect party.
Lighting offers another opportunity to embrace excess. Crystal chandeliers, mirrored lamps, illuminated shelves, and color-changing LED lighting can transform a room into something resembling a cross between a luxury hotel lobby and a Pride festival. The goal is not subtlety. The goal is spectacle.
A dining room inspired by this combination might feature a massive glass table, gold dining chairs, rainbow floral arrangements, mirrored walls, and enough crystal accessories to keep a polishing cloth busy year-round. Critics would call it gaudy. Fans would call it fabulous.
Artwork becomes particularly important. Pride-themed pieces featuring LGBTQ+ history, activism, and culture can provide meaning beneath the decorative excess. Without these personal and cultural elements, the room risks becoming little more than a collection of expensive looking, but not necessarily expensive, objects. Pride design can work best when it reflects identity and community rather than simply displaying color for color’s sake.
While normally a haven for restful sleep, bedrooms can take a similar approach. Plush velvet fabrics, oversized tufted headboards, metallic and mirrored finishes, colorful accent lighting, and dramatic artwork create a space that feels more like a boutique hotel suite than a traditional bedroom. Again, the challenge is avoiding the temptation to add one more decorative element to an already crowded visual landscape.
What makes this design combination interesting is that both aesthetics reject the idea that a home should be understated. Both embrace visibility. Both invite attention. Both encourage occupants to take up space unapologetically. Yet where Pride design often celebrates authenticity and self-expression, Trump’s decorating style is frequently criticized for prioritizing conspicuous luxury over cohesion and refinement.
The result is an interior style that many people would consider delightfully outrageous and others would consider a decorating nightmare. Either way, nobody is likely to forget it.
In the end, a Pride-inspired interpretation of Donald Trump’s famously over-the-top aesthetic would be colorful, glittering, excessive, and impossible to ignore. It would break nearly every rule of minimalist design while embracing the philosophy that if something is worth doing, it is worth overdoing. Whether one sees that as fabulous or tacky may depend entirely on how much gold leaf and rainbow velvet one can tolerate in a single room.
Valerie M. Blake is a licensed associate broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her at [email protected] or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.
Ragtops rock! For drivers looking to carve their own lane, the world already has enough sensible crossovers, minivans, and pickups. These three convertibles trade practicality for sunshine, wind, and the occasional wild-hair day.
BMW Z4
$58,000
MPG: 25 city/33 highway
0 to 60 mph: 5.2 seconds
Trunk space: 10.0 cu. ft.
PROS: Strong engines. Uber comfy. Stylish.
CONS: Expensive. Final year of production.
Act fast, Bimmer fans, this is the last year the BMW Z4 roadster will be produced. Along with the entry-level xDrive30i and high-performing M40i, there is a Final Edition model.
Since 2002, the Z4 has expertly balanced performance, comfort, and style. The long hood and short rear deck still look fantastic. The stance is athletic. And with the top down, this car gains an extra dose of drama.
Under the hood, BMW offers turbo power that feels eager rather than overwhelming. Acceleration is brisk. The steering precise. The chassis composed.
Upgrading to the premium models lets you scoot from 0 to 60 mph in just 3.9 seconds. But—ka-ching!—the MSRP soars to $79,000.
Available in manual or automatic transmissions, this convertible can sprint through mountain roads on Saturday and soothingly devour highway miles on Sunday.
As for the interior, it blends luxury and functionality. Materials feel expensive. Controls are easy to use. And the seats are supportive.
For me, other ragtops may be more party hearty, but the Z4 is low-key, impeccably tailored and still the center of attention. Think suave James Bond versus sparkling RuPaul.
MAZDA MX-5 MIATA
$32,000
MPG: 26 city/35 highway
0 to 60 mph: 5.5 seconds
Trunk space: 5.0 cu. ft.
PROS: Nimble. Lightweight. Affordable.
CONS: So-so power. Wind noise. Limited space
For decades, the Mazda MX-5 Miata has followed a simple formula: Keep it light, keep it balanced and make every drive feel special. The result: Automotive comfort food that never gets old.
Many vehicles grow larger every year, but the Miata has remained Lilliputian in a way that feels rebellious. You sit low. The controls are user-friendly. Visibility is excellent.
No, the engine power won’t blow you away. But this beachcomber isn’t about brute force. It’s about how the Miata makes you feel wonderfully alive, whether tootling along city streets or a winding road.
Inside, the dashboard is sparse but echoes a traditional sports car. Large analog tachometer and analog speedometer. And while the 8.8-inch infotainment display is dinky, it works nicely.
Alas, storage is limited. The cabin is snug. And taller drivers may wish for a bit more room.
Yet somehow even those compromises feel almost charming. This ride knows exactly what it is and refuses to apologize. Sort of like showing up to Pride wearing what makes you happy rather than chasing trends.
MINI COOPER
$27,000
MPG: 28 city/39 highway
0 to 60 mph: 7.9 seconds
Trunk space: 5.2 cu. ft.
PROS: Playful styling. Fun handling. Extra stowage.
CONS: Ride can be firm. Not a speed demon.
Mini Coopers approach life with a wink and a grin. Rounded headlights. Compact dimensions. Cheerful styling. It all works to create a vehicle that looks like it’s having fun before you’ve even started the engine.
Driving this ragtop is equally entertaining. The steering is quick, and the chassis feels eager to please. Overall performance is lively rather than blistering.
The cabin leans heavily into Mini’s playful design language. Circular elements appear throughout. Details feel intentionally quirky. Many modern interiors seem created by committees that fear excitement. This cabin feels designed by someone who enjoys color, personality and perhaps spontaneous dance breaks.
Unlike the BMW Z4 and Mazda Miata, the Mini offers a small rear seat. “Small” is doing some heavy lifting there, but the extra space adds flexibility. It may not be enough room to comfortably squeeze in friends, but you can easily stow a few bags here.
To me, driving this convertible feels like attending the world’s friendliest block party. People notice it. People smile. Sometimes people even wave.
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PHOTOS: Capital Pride Festival and Concert
