Living

Mother’s Day memories

Susan Silber and her adult children reminisce about growing up in a diverse family

Published

16 years ago

May 6, 2010

Susan Silber, a local lesbian attorney, raised two kids in Takoma Park. (Blade photo by Michael Key)

Avi Silber, a 21-year-old college junior in St. Louis, was a little confused growing up. As a kid, he assumed that any two adults who run a household together must be a couple because his moms are lesbians.

He chuckles at the memory now. He thought Bert and Ernie were partners. Same for the three guys on “Full House” and the two aunts on “Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.”

“I don’t remember when I had the realization,” he says. “My best friend next door had straight parents but I didn’t think of parenting as a sexual relationship. I just thought they were roommates who loved each other. So me and my best friend decided to live together when we grew up.”

By now, of course, Avi and his 27-year-old sister Danielle, have it all figured out. And they consider themselves fortunate to have been raised by their moms, Susan Silber and Dana Naparsteck.

Susan, a Takoma Park attorney who specializes in family law and LGBT issues, always knew she wanted to be a mom but didn’t think it was possible.

“I’d always loved working with children,” she says. “I worked at a daycare center in college, I babysat a lot, worked at summer camps. But I just thought it was impossible to come out as a lesbian and also be a mother. So that was very different than this generation that doesn’t see it as much of a challenge anymore, but it did take a really long time to think how I would be able to have children and also be in a relationship with a woman. That took many years and lots of false starts.”

Susan and Dana got together in 1978 and both wanted kids. They moved from Adams Morgan to Takoma Park in 1981 and bought a house. Susan had worked on the first LGBT March on Washington in 1979 and met Billy and his partner Chris. The two couples spent months planning the logistics, then Susan got pregnant on the first try and Danielle was born in 1983. Avi came in 1988.

“I gave birth,” Susan says, “But we were very clear that we would be equal parents and the men were very supportive of that decision. They’ve never been anonymous sperm donors. They were very involved as parental figures.”

The Silbers’ story was never simple, but it got more complicated over the coming years. For a while, another man named Art lived with Chris and Billy. He and his current partner, Mark, also helped raise the kids and Avi and Danielle think of them all as parents.

The women are lesbians. Two of the dads are gay and two are bi. Two are black. Avi is straight. Danielle says although she’s only dated guys she’s not opposed to the possibility of falling in love with a woman and considers herself part of the queer community. Susan and Dana split up about 12 years ago but the whole group gets together a few times a year for family gatherings.

“I had an extremely happy childhood,” Avi says. “It was really nice having such a large group supporting us and it was nice having such a diverse experience and a diverse outlook on different people and different things. I have more than one of everything. I can relate to everyone in some ways because I’ve had such diverse parenting. Oh your dad’s strict? Mine is too. Oh you’re dad was at Woodstock? Mine was too!”

Danielle had a few confusing moments as well. She and her childhood pal Alida were playing house one day at about age 4 and got into a fight over who would be the mom. Susan says Dana went to see what the fuss was about and told them there was no reason why they couldn’t both be the moms.

“I looked at her rather incredulously,” Danielle says. “She said, ‘Well you have two moms.’ I thought, ‘Oh yeah, I do.’ It was the first time it dawned on me that the popular media representation was different from what my own family looked like.”

Danielle and Avi both say there were some minor bumps along the way. In middle school Avi had classmates who used words for his moms he later discovered were epithets. And Danielle remembers minor logistical challenges — like everybody in the class being given supplies to make just one mother’s day card.

“I was incredibly closeted about my family until high school,” Danielle says. “But once I did come out about it, I realized I had a strong enough foundation that it didn’t matter if my parents were gay and we’re a gay family. I had classmates who were incredibly supportive, even celebratory.”

For Susan and Dana, there were bigger hurdles involving insurance and financial matters.

“There were a huge number of these legal and benefits issues,” Susan says. “And huge financial implications when we broke up that would have been different had we been in a straight relationship.”

Susan, 62, says her own parents came a long way in accepting her family over the years. Her father is deceased; her mother lives in North Carolina.

“They evolved enormously over the years and became more and more accepting,” Susan says. “They have been extremely loving grandparents and were extremely accepting of Dana when she was with me, but I do see a huge difference when I go to weddings for my nieces and nephews in the way a whole community sort of embraces a couple. I think that is changing, though.”

Avi and Danielle both say they’ve told their story — even once to Barbara Walters on “20/20” — so many times it’s second nature to them now. Avi calls it “muscle memory.”

“Some of my friends have heard it so many times I just let them tell it now,” he says.

Danielle, who lives in New York City and works on refugee issues, never tires of it but does grow weary of what she calls the “exotification” of her family.

“Because the reality is that all families are interesting and different and have different components and issues and different extended members,” she says. “The real danger is creating a confining structure of what families are.”

How different was it on a practical level? Danielle laughingly says she’s the only person her age who loves raw tofu because it reminds her of her childhood.

She says Susan is a mother who “challenges my brother and I to be the best people we can be and pursue the hobbies and work we love … and to do whatever we can to heal the world.” She calls Dana, who was unavailable for an interview, “incredibly loving” and a mom who “always puts her children first.”

And her fondest family memories have nothing to do with the gay community — they could be lifted from any family photo album.

“Being at Rehoboth and Bethany Beach as a family and we just had so much fun,” Danielle says. “Swimming, playing in the sand, this mechanical horse that we got photos on every year, eating watermelon, boardwalk fries, just lazing around and playing cards. Being a family.”

Advice

My boyfriend is almost perfect

But the sex isn’t mind blowing

Published

1 day ago

June 26, 2026

Michael Radkowsky

Sex tends to change after spending many years with the same partner. (Photo by Rawpixel . com / Bigstock)

Dear Michael,

I’ve been dating Mark for three years, living together for two, and I’m not sure he’s for me. We get along great but I’m questioning how attracted I am to him.

I was never crazy about him physically but he was such a sweet and smart guy that I wanted to date him.

Sex was never mind-blowing and the longer we’ve been together the more this is bothering me. I wonder if I could find someone who appeals to me more, physically.

On the plus side, I like him a lot. He has good values, shares my religious faith, which is hard to find in another gay guy, is responsible and has a good work ethic. Also, I just have fun with him and he’s always interested to hear what’s on my mind. He’s an all-around decent guy.

As I’m writing this, I’m thinking that he seems great and that I’m a fool for even questioning our relationship. But all my friends are always talking about the amazing sex they are having, and then I think I’m missing out on a key part of life because my sex life is comparatively lackluster.

I don’t want to settle. But how likely am I to find another guy who is as all-around a good catch as Mark, but with more sexual chemistry?

Michael replies:

I don’t think the right approach is to wonder about your chances for of finding someone better. Anyone you find will have things you aren’t crazy about.

For example, you might find someone whom you’re wildly attracted to sexually, but they’ll bore you or annoy you, or have values you don’t respect.

I understand that you aren’t wildly sexually attracted to Mark. The truth is that it’s extremely unlikely that you would remain wildly sexually attracted to anyone for that long. People tend to get used to each other over time. Sex can remain great, but more from closeness and love than heat and sizzle.

I work with people all the time who wonder if there is someone “better” out there. And I tell them, they’re never going to get through all the possibilities before they die. Instead, how about thinking if the guy you are with is someone you’d like to go with on this journey through life?

Mark’s attributes that you mention sound wonderful to me. After more than 30 years working with folks on relationships, and being in my own 30+ year relationship, I have learned a thing or two about what creates a relationship that is satisfying and good. A decent, kind guy with admirable values is an excellent start.

The question is, can you live with your sex life not being on an orgasmically hot mind-blowing level? I hope the answer is yes, because sex with anyone you pick is not likely to stay in that sort of realm for long.

Another point to consider: I don’t think you should get too caught up in what your friends are telling you. They may be having amazing sex, but are they all having it with the same long-term partner? As I mentioned, long-term sex can be great, but the excitement tends to be replaced by caring connection over time.

I’ll generalize here for a moment: Because so many gay men have many sexual partners, the kind of sex you have with someone new, whom you’re tremendously attracted to, tends to be glorified among gay men as the gold standard of sex. But it’s not realistic for sex with a long-term partner.

This glorification is a big problem: It leaves gay men who are not having torrid sex with lots of guys feeling like there is something wrong with the sex they are having, that they are missing out on something super fantastic. Just like you are feeling.

If you want a lifetime of ongoing hot sex, I don’t think you should be looking for a relationship. If you are willing to accept sex being a not-always fantastic, but perhaps consistently loving, often good, and occasionally great part of life with a kind decent guy, then Mark might just be the right partner for you after all.

(Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].)

Real Estate

Does Pride decor resemble Trump’s design aesthetic?

Glitter, gold, and rejecting the idea that a home should be understated

Published

2 days ago

June 25, 2026

Valerie Blake

Trump’s White House decor features an astonishing amount of tacky gold leaf. (White House photo public domain)

Interior design is often a balancing act between taste, personality, and restraint. Sometimes, however, restraint leaves the building entirely. Such is the case when the colorful exuberance of gay Pride-inspired decorating collides with the famously excessive decorating style associated with the current occupant of the White House. The result can be a fascinating study in maximalism, spectacle, and unapologetic visual overload.

Donald Trump’s personal decorating style has long been a subject of debate among designers and critics. Admirers see luxury and grandeur. Critics see something else: a dizzying display of gold leaf, marble, mirrors, crystal, and oversized furnishings that often crosses the line from elegant into what many designers would call tacky. More is rarely enough. If one chandelier sparkles, three are better. If a room has gold accents, why not make every available surface gold? (See Oval Office and ballroom rendition for details.)

In many ways, this excess shares common ground with certain Pride celebrations. Pride has never been about blending into the background. It celebrates visibility, self-expression, individuality, and joy. Rainbow colors, dramatic costumes, glitter, flamboyant artwork, and bold statements have long been part of Pride culture. Yet there is an important difference. Pride’s extravagance is often playful, self-aware, and rooted in personal expression, while Trump’s aesthetic has frequently been criticized for equating luxury with sheer quantity and visual intensity.

Combining these influences creates an interior that could best be described as “glamorous chaos.”

Imagine entering a living room in which gold-trimmed mirrors stretch from floor to ceiling. Crystal chandeliers hang above a bright rainbow velvet sectional. Marble floors gleam beneath metallic furniture that appears determined to reflect every available light source. Pride flags become framed artwork surrounded by ornate gold moldings. A room designed this way doesn’t whisper. It shouts.

Color is central to the concept. Pride-inspired interiors often embrace the full spectrum of colors. Trump’s style, meanwhile, traditionally favors cream, gold, black, and glossy finishes. Combining them means introducing vivid jewel tones against a backdrop of faux-palatial luxury. Emerald green chairs, ruby-red draperies, sapphire-blue accent walls, and gold-trimmed furniture can coexist in a way that feels deliberately theatrical.

The key word is theatrical.

Many professional designers spend years learning how to create visual balance. A Pride-meets-Trump interior intentionally ignores many of those rules. Pattern competes with pattern. Shine competes with shine. Artwork competes with furniture. The eye rarely gets a chance to rest. For some homeowners, that sounds exhausting. For others, it sounds like the perfect party.

Lighting offers another opportunity to embrace excess. Crystal chandeliers, mirrored lamps, illuminated shelves, and color-changing LED lighting can transform a room into something resembling a cross between a luxury hotel lobby and a Pride festival. The goal is not subtlety. The goal is spectacle.

A dining room inspired by this combination might feature a massive glass table, gold dining chairs, rainbow floral arrangements, mirrored walls, and enough crystal accessories to keep a polishing cloth busy year-round. Critics would call it gaudy. Fans would call it fabulous.

Artwork becomes particularly important. Pride-themed pieces featuring LGBTQ+ history, activism, and culture can provide meaning beneath the decorative excess. Without these personal and cultural elements, the room risks becoming little more than a collection of expensive looking, but not necessarily expensive, objects. Pride design can work best when it reflects identity and community rather than simply displaying color for color’s sake.

While normally a haven for restful sleep, bedrooms can take a similar approach. Plush velvet fabrics, oversized tufted headboards, metallic and mirrored finishes, colorful accent lighting, and dramatic artwork create a space that feels more like a boutique hotel suite than a traditional bedroom. Again, the challenge is avoiding the temptation to add one more decorative element to an already crowded visual landscape.

What makes this design combination interesting is that both aesthetics reject the idea that a home should be understated. Both embrace visibility. Both invite attention. Both encourage occupants to take up space unapologetically. Yet where Pride design often celebrates authenticity and self-expression, Trump’s decorating style is frequently criticized for prioritizing conspicuous luxury over cohesion and refinement.

The result is an interior style that many people would consider delightfully outrageous and others would consider a decorating nightmare. Either way, nobody is likely to forget it.

In the end, a Pride-inspired interpretation of Donald Trump’s famously over-the-top aesthetic would be colorful, glittering, excessive, and impossible to ignore. It would break nearly every rule of minimalist design while embracing the philosophy that if something is worth doing, it is worth overdoing. Whether one sees that as fabulous or tacky may depend entirely on how much gold leaf and rainbow velvet one can tolerate in a single room.

Valerie M. Blake is a licensed associate broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her at [email protected] or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.

Autos

Cool convertibles

Drop-tops to rev up the summer

Published

6 days ago

June 21, 2026

Joe Phillips

From left, the Mini Cooper and the Mazda MX-5 Miata.

Ragtops rock! For drivers looking to carve their own lane, the world already has enough sensible crossovers, minivans, and pickups. These three convertibles trade practicality for sunshine, wind, and the occasional wild-hair day.

BMW Z4

$58,000

MPG: 25 city/33 highway

0 to 60 mph: 5.2 seconds

Trunk space: 10.0 cu. ft.

PROS: Strong engines. Uber comfy. Stylish.

CONS: Expensive. Final year of production.

Act fast, Bimmer fans, this is the last year the BMW Z4 roadster will be produced. Along with the entry-level xDrive30i and high-performing M40i, there is a Final Edition model.

Since 2002, the Z4 has expertly balanced performance, comfort, and style. The long hood and short rear deck still look fantastic. The stance is athletic. And with the top down, this car gains an extra dose of drama.

Under the hood, BMW offers turbo power that feels eager rather than overwhelming. Acceleration is brisk. The steering precise. The chassis composed.

Upgrading to the premium models lets you scoot from 0 to 60 mph in just 3.9 seconds. But—ka-ching!—the MSRP soars to $79,000.

Available in manual or automatic transmissions, this convertible can sprint through mountain roads on Saturday and soothingly devour highway miles on Sunday.

As for the interior, it blends luxury and functionality. Materials feel expensive. Controls are easy to use. And the seats are supportive.

For me, other ragtops may be more party hearty, but the Z4 is low-key, impeccably tailored and still the center of attention. Think suave James Bond versus sparkling RuPaul.

MAZDA MX-5 MIATA

$32,000

MPG: 26 city/35 highway

0 to 60 mph: 5.5 seconds

Trunk space: 5.0 cu. ft.

PROS: Nimble. Lightweight. Affordable.

CONS: So-so power. Wind noise. Limited space

For decades, the Mazda MX-5 Miata has followed a simple formula: Keep it light, keep it balanced and make every drive feel special. The result: Automotive comfort food that never gets old.

Many vehicles grow larger every year, but the Miata has remained Lilliputian in a way that feels rebellious. You sit low. The controls are user-friendly. Visibility is excellent.

No, the engine power won’t blow you away. But this beachcomber isn’t about brute force. It’s about how the Miata makes you feel wonderfully alive, whether tootling along city streets or a winding road.

Inside, the dashboard is sparse but echoes a traditional sports car. Large analog tachometer and analog speedometer. And while the 8.8-inch infotainment display is dinky, it works nicely.

Alas, storage is limited. The cabin is snug. And taller drivers may wish for a bit more room.

Yet somehow even those compromises feel almost charming. This ride knows exactly what it is and refuses to apologize. Sort of like showing up to Pride wearing what makes you happy rather than chasing trends.

MINI COOPER

$27,000

MPG: 28 city/39 highway

0 to 60 mph: 7.9 seconds

Trunk space: 5.2 cu. ft.

PROS: Playful styling. Fun handling. Extra stowage.

CONS: Ride can be firm. Not a speed demon.

Mini Coopers approach life with a wink and a grin. Rounded headlights. Compact dimensions. Cheerful styling. It all works to create a vehicle that looks like it’s having fun before you’ve even started the engine.

Driving this ragtop is equally entertaining. The steering is quick, and the chassis feels eager to please. Overall performance is lively rather than blistering.

The cabin leans heavily into Mini’s playful design language. Circular elements appear throughout. Details feel intentionally quirky. Many modern interiors seem created by committees that fear excitement. This cabin feels designed by someone who enjoys color, personality and perhaps spontaneous dance breaks.

Unlike the BMW Z4 and Mazda Miata, the Mini offers a small rear seat. “Small” is doing some heavy lifting there, but the extra space adds flexibility. It may not be enough room to comfortably squeeze in friends, but you can easily stow a few bags here.

To me, driving this convertible feels like attending the world’s friendliest block party. People notice it. People smile. Sometimes people even wave.