Living
From Russia with love
Dance diva Sasha Gradiva on fame, gays and guns
Electronic dance diva Sasha Gradiva plays the Capital Pride Capitol Stage Sunday at about 6:50 p.m. (Photo courtesy Saadko Records)
The main stage at Capital Pride is always an eclectic setting for all kinds of talent — from local legends to up-and-comers to household names. Although not technically considered one of the headliners — that honor is being shared jointly by Icona Pop, Cher Lloyd and Emeli Sande — Russian-born diva Sasha Gradiva, slated to go on at 6:51 p.m., has one of the envious culminating slots (for a full list of scheduled performance times, visit capitalpride.org).
Gradiva is starting to make a name for herself in the world of electronic dance music with songs like “I’m on Fire,” “Wanted” (No. 3 on Billboard’s Hot Dance Singles chart) and “Say My Name with Love, working often with producer Tricky Stewart (Rihanna’s “Umbrella” and Beyonce’s “Single Ladies”).
Sasha Gradiva, “I’m on Fire”
In near-perfect English yet with a noticeable Russian accent, Gradiva, 28, took a half hour with us by phone on Memorial Day from her home in Los Angeles in which she discussed everything from her career, her reasons for leaving a successful music career in her homeland and why she got kicked out of the Grammys for attaching rifles to her dress last year. Her comments have been slightly edited for length.
Washington Blade: How are you spending the holiday?
Sasha Gradiva: I’m with some friends here in L.A. trying to figure out how we’re going to spend the day.
Blade: You live in L.A., right?
Gradiva: Yes, but I travel madly so I don’t get to spend much time here.
Blade: On average, how much are you home vs. on the road?
Gradiva: I’m probably gone about 70 percent of the time. I’ll be out for three weeks, then back a week, then maybe out another four.
Blade: What are you doing musically these days?
Gradiva: I am working most often on new music. Writing and recording and getting a new show together, which I’m very involved in personally. Every single stage of the show. I pay a lot of attention to costume and sets and the videos that play on the screen behind me. My shows are very important and I’m making sure everything is exactly the way I want it.
Blade: Do you record mostly in L.A. or elsewhere?
Gradiva: Mostly in L.A. My single “Come With Us” is coming out very, very soon. We’re literally putting the finishing touches on the campaign right now and working on the final mix. It’s a very detailed process. I was performing a remixed version of it on my tour last year and got really amazing responses. People really love the track.
Blade: Will this be on an album, an EP or just a single release?
Gradiva: It’s part of an EP, which we’re hoping to release closer to August. I have maybe like 20 songs ready to record and that’s what I’m focusing on while I’m here in L.A. There are a lot of producers in Tricky’s camp I’m very lucky to get introduced to so we’re trying to find something new. I’m working really hard to create something new that hasn’t been done before.
Blade: So often in electronic dance music, the producers get much of the credit while some pop stars — not all certainly — are seen as the outlet but not really the visionary, more so than in other genres perhaps. Does that dynamic bother you?
Gradiva: No, because I’m very involved. My songs are really born out of guitar or I’ll go to the studio and produce something basic on guitar myself or play my songs on the piano. I’m very involved, though. I pay attention to every lyric. I want something deep, meaningful and universal. I love the process — creating and perfecting.
Sasha Gradiva says she left a successful music career in Russia because she’d never have worldwide impact unless she broadened her fan base into English-speaking countries. (Photo courtesy Saadko Records)
Blade: Creating an image as a dance artist is so essential but is there ever a clash between being perhaps aloof or mysterious for a photo shoot or in a video or even on stage, but then in interviews or with social media presenting yourself to fans as a real person who eats, sleeps, shops, etc. like everyone else? Does one diminish the other?
Gradiva: I don’t find it hard at all to be down to earth or to talk to fans. I totally say no because I think perception of art and show business has changed tremendously since maybe like 10 years ago and I literally feel that there’s (in embracing) all the new things with social media and the internet, it broadens your reach in a lot of ways but at the same time, there’s some anxiety because there’s no curtain anymore. Even when you have nothing left to give. People can see through it all now and they’ll know exactly who you are. They see your Tweets and your pictures and this wall is dissolved. It’s good but it’s challenging at the same time. The solution for this is just to relax and be available and be yourself and this will be the best protection from anxiety that you could have. We’ve chosen this path to be in front of many people and we commit to sharing our life and vision with them. It’s an important gift, not a curse.
Blade: But did the old system allow celebrities to have more mystique?
Gradiva: The entire machine was working differently back then. Now that’s just impossible. If you’re going to be behind the curtain, you’re going to stay behind the curtain. You need to be accessible and available and share everything with fans. That’s why you’ll be a successful artist, not because you hide something. It might be more difficult for the artists to deal with, but it’s more honest. If an artist is dumb, fans will know right away. Of if you’re not genuine, they’ll pick up on that. It’s a little bit brutal but it’s honest and I prefer honesty.
Blade: You got a lot of press buzz for the guns you wore to the Grammys last year. When the dust settled, do you feel the message you wanted to convey came across or was there some sense you’d become simply “the girl in the gun dress.”
Gradiva: I definitely got a lot of attention, which I didn’t expect from the peace movement and the anti-violence movement. I meant it as a political statement if you will for people to pay attention to how much energy and money and sources the world spends on useless things. The most horrible things in the world are wars and producing weapons and drugs and when you think about how many things people could use this money for that would be so much better, people aren’t even curious to hear the research that’s been done on this which is very much available by the way. Our society just seems not to be there spiritually yet to address that. That was my attempt and we got good results. I want to do more socially to make the world a better place because I think that’s exactly what we’re supposed to do, not just sing and have fun.
Blade: Are you straight?
Gradiva: At the present time, yes.
Blade: How did you end up playing Pride events? Is it just a logical fit considering the kind of music you make or do you have some personal investment in the community?
Gradiva: I feel very connected to my gay audience. I guess it’s a destiny. The gay audience has been the first ones to support my music. And it saddens me that in my native country, in Russia, they don’t allow gay Pride. I will be fighting as much as I can for gay rights. It’s definitely something that touches me a lot.
Blade: You had released a few albums in Russia and seemed to be on your way with a music career there. Why did you uproot and move to the U.S.?
Gradiva: All the music that inspired me growing up was from America and Europe — people like Michael Jackson, Cyndi Lauper, Depeche Mode — and I always wanted bigger stages, to travel the world. I’d had two albums that were very successful but at some point while I was still young I just thought, “Well, I want to move and do this — it will either be in this lifetime or in the next, so I decided to do it in this lifetime.” My friends and colleagues thought I was completely out of my mind because it was not logical at all, but this is what I’ve done and the reaction in America so far has been so rewarding. It actually makes me cry, it’s really touching.
One of the biggest headaches of the new home process is the actual moving part. By the time someone is buying a home, most people are beyond the “I just need a pickup truck, a pizza and a case of beer for my friends.”
If that is still someone’s preferred way to move, that’s great. However, many people find they need a much more robust plan. It can also trigger a lot of feelings about items one owns, what to do with them, do they have too much, should I keep this memento that I never use? Etc.
Moving is a chance for a person to “clean house” literally, figuratively, spiritually and energetically. A person can figure out which items they want to keep, and which need to go. As someone who recently moved across the country, I can speak to this experience. It’s also time for what people call “the fresh start effect.” This phenomenon, according to psychologists, can happen in little moments (like the start of a new work week) and bigger moments (such as moving from one home to the next).
The fresh start effect offers these benefits often mentioned by psychologists:
- Mental Accounting: Dates act as chapter breaks, letting you put past failures into a previous period.
- Psychological Distance: You separate your flawed past self from your aspirational future self (“That was the old me”).
- Optimism Boost: New beginnings clear mental clutter and increase your sense of agency and control
Does this mean that “the new you” will be the perfect version you envisioned? Probably not. We are humans. But it might mean you get a chance to “leave some of the old you behind” within the walls you used to live in, and now have a chance to have a new layout, a new décor, a new color pattern, new wallpaper, donate old furniture and books or magazines, throw out clothes you no longer use or fit in, and enjoy the opportunity to literally use the, “Does this spark joy?” method that was made so popular by Marie Kondo in her Netflix series.
So, for all its hassle and headache, moving is a chance to shake off the “old you” and try on the new you, to incorporate the items you would like to keep and use more of, and shed the items, habits, and ways of thinking that you feel no longer serve you.
I can speak to the experiences that several of my clients had when they moved from a previous residence to a newer one. It usually coincided with a change in relationship status, a change in employment, a change in family size, but sometimes it just seemed to correlate to a new attitude and perspective that the client was really hoping for.
I have literally had clients come to me after the fact, in tears, that they were so happy they made the decision to move out of a situation that no longer served them, and move into one that felt like a much better fit.
Change can be annoying and overwhelming at times, but usually most people come out the other side, not wanting to return to the way they were before.
Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with RLAH. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].
Despite a U.S. political climate that has made electric vehicles about as welcome as a vegan at a Texas barbecue, automakers haven’t gotten the memo. The 2027 BMW iX3 and Rivian R2—in showrooms soon—prove the point. But think of them as distant cousins: one arrives impeccably dressed; the other probably has a kayak strapped to the roof.
BMW iX3
$62,000
Range: Up to 434 miles
0 to 60 mph: 4.7 seconds
Cargo space: 30.4 cu. ft.
PROS: Huge driving range. Distinctive styling. Cutting-edge interior.
CONS: Quirky digital controls. Only one U.S. trim level. Pricey options.
WHAT’S NEW: This is BMW’s first production model on its state-of-the-art Neue Klasse platform, radically changing the technology, cabin and electric drivetrain.
The iX3 arrives on our shores in one trim level, the iX3 50 xDrive. Load it up with options and you can sail well past $80,000.
Depending on configuration, this luxe EV delivers an astonishing range before recharging. And a dual-motor, all-wheel-drive system produces 463 horsepower, which allows you to tootle around as fast as a Porsche 718 sportster.
The new “Panoramic iDrive” spreads information across the base of the windshield, supplemented by a central display and steering-wheel controls. An available 3D head-up display adds even more info. It’s futuristic, busy and unmistakably BMW—like someone decided the dashboard needed its own coming-out party.
Then there’s the “Heart of Joy” computer, which coordinates the motors, braking and steering for sharper responses and smoother control. The name may sound like something from a self-help retreat, but the innovation makes the iX3 seriously entertaining to drive.
You also can charge the iX3 from 10 percent to 80 percent in just 21 minutes. Nice.
This isn’t merely an electric X3 with the gasoline bits removed. It’s a tech reset for BMW. Compared with the R2, the iX3 is more polished, more luxurious…but, alas, considerably pricier.
RIVIAN R2
$45,000
Range: Up to 345 miles
0 to 60 mph: 5.9 seconds
Cargo space: 28.7 cu. ft.
PROS: Affordable luxury. Rugged looks. Clever storage.
CONS: No smartphone integration. No glass-roof shade. Touchy touchscreen.
WHAT’S NEW: Everything—the R2 is Rivian’s all-new, smaller electric SUV, and it brings the brand’s adventure-first attitude to a price point far below the larger R1S.
If the BMW iX3 is wearing a beautifully tailored jacket, the Rivian R2 has its sleeves rolled up.
With edgy styling, this is no anonymous crossover wearing an EV costume. Chunky details. Upright proportions. Distinctive lighting all give off an outdoorsy vibe without turning the R2 into a rolling REI catalog.
There are four configurations, with pricing from $45,000 to $58,000. That’s a big difference from the BMW—and potentially the R2’s biggest weapon.
The stats aren’t shabby, either. Driving range is from 275 to 345 miles. The dual-motor, all-wheel-drive setup produces between 350 horsepower and a frankly bonkers 656 horsepower. And the high-performance model lets you zip from 0-to-60 mph in just 3.6 seconds.
Drag-racing credentials? Absolutely!
Inside, there is lots of clever packaging, with flexible seating and generous storage. This EV is designed to carry actual stuff, not merely impress your neighbors.
Yes, there are quirks. Rivian skips Apple CarPlay and Android Auto, while everyday controls—some of which are less than intuitive—live on the touchscreen. And the panoramic glass roof lacks a conventional shade. Huh?
For some owners, those will be minor annoyances. For others, they’ll become daily reminders that Rivian marches to its own beat.
Perhaps that’s not a bad thing, though. The R2 feels less buttoned-up, more mischievous. It’s the automotive equivalent of Billy Porter ignoring the dress code and somehow looking better than everyone who followed it.
Advice
We’re getting married but our parents object
Will their disapproval and shortcomings derail our hopes for a happy life?
Dear Michael,
My girlfriend and I are getting married! We’re really excited, but we’ve got some big concerns as well.
All of our parents have had multiple marriages. I think 10 between the four of them. So we don’t have much in the way of role models for a successful marriage.
Also, we don’t have any parental support. Except for one of my ex-stepmothers whom I’m close to, none of our parents are happy that their daughter is getting married to another woman. That’s an understatement. Religious objections, moral objections, being angry that we’re “embarrassing them,” these are some of the things we’ve been told.
We do have some supportive siblings and step-siblings, which is great, although they’re getting pushback from parents about attending our wedding.
Given all this, what suggestions do you have for how we can make a go of our marriage? The divorce rate is over 50 percent for everyone. With all this baggage, we’re worried that we have even less of a chance. Thank you.
Michael replies:
First, congratulations!
Regarding your lack of family support: I’m sorry that you both have to deal with so much criticism, disdain, and judgment. Please don’t let your parents’ negativity influence your own views of yourselves and your relationship. Focus instead on the love and caring you will get from friends, community and the family who are present on your big day (I hope your siblings are brave enough to make it!). Being the recipients of that support is one of the sweetest parts of getting married.
Don’t worry about the high divorce rate. While some couples really shouldn’t stay married, lots of people get divorced because they don’t know what is required to have a good marriage, or don’t put in the effort to do so. That does not have to be your fate.
Similarly, your parents’ terrible track record doesn’t mean you have to repeat their marital histories. The skills to have a strong marriage are learnable.
To that end, here are the best tips I can offer the two of you:
- If you want a loving marriage, be a loving partner. Don’t snipe, sulk, or do the silent treatment when you’re mad. Unconditional love is largely a myth. Even our dogs won’t love us if we are mean to them.
- Don’t spend much time or effort focusing on what your spouse is doing wrong or how she is letting you down. Doing so leads to resentment and feeling like you’re a powerless victim. Instead, ask yourself what your own contribution is to the problem, and what you can do to make things better. You don’t have much power over your partner, but you have a lot of power over yourself.
You can certainly ask your spouse for what you’d like from her, but don’t expect to always get it. And don’t base your own wellbeing or good behavior on what your partner does or doesn’t do.
- Because any two people are always different in some important ways, there is no way that you both can always want the same things, or think the same way, or have the same priorities. Accept this! There has to be room for each of you to be an individual, not only part of a couple.
- Be generous as often as you can be, and have a boundary when it’s important for you to have one.
- When your spouse states that she has a boundary, respect it. Do not push her to back off from something that is important to her.
- Don’t keep score, including how much more you do or how often you don’t get your way. Instead, work together to have a collaborative marriage where you work together to make decisions and get things done.
- Strive not to weigh the relationship down with neediness. Once we’re grownups, it’s mainly our own job to soothe ourselves. You don’t want to burn out your partner’s empathy.
Of course you can ask for a hug, love, reassurance, support, advice, and a shoulder to cry on when you’re down. Just aim be the first person you turn to when you’re upset, and do your best to keep your own mood steady.
- Do not wait for your significant other to go first. Not on planning a date, not on apologizing, not on loading the dishwasher or cleaning the bathroom. If you wait for her to make the first move, you will have a resentful relationship where nothing good ever happens.
Keeping these principles part of your operating system, even — and especially — at those moments when your spouse isn’t doing her best, will go a long way toward helping you build and maintain a loving and happy marriage.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
Caso Karlina: Una sentencia histórica contra las terapias de «conversión»
Washington Blade responds to concerns over White House pool duties
Young people should know history of the fight for human rights
Dutch prime minister visits Stonewall Inn
Clavicular charged in alleged rape of teenage influencer
Over 2,000 turn out for Hands Around the Kennedy Center protest
PHOTOS: Wanda Alston Foundation Fall Reception
PHOTOS: Walk and 5K to End HIV
What LGBTQ veterans are building after ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’
