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Queery: Shirley Hayden

20 questions for the lesbian author

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The coming out process took unexpected turns for lesbian author Shirley Hayden. The 50-year-old Lexington, Ky., native told her mother at age 9 she was gay, a proclamation that was met with near indifference. Hayden, who had little social context for being gay in the South, eventually married a man as a young woman and had twin sons. But she quickly realized the straight married life wasn’t for her.

“I just didn’t like it,” she says. “There was something inside of me that it just didn’t work. And it’s not that I hate men. I love men and have many wonderful men in my life. I just didn’t like being married to one.”

Eventually the same adage she brought to her writing career — “I don’t believe in fear,” she says — enabled her to roll with the punches in other areas. She’d never had a conversation with her young sons about being a lesbian but realized they knew what was going on by the time they were in kindergarten. Caught unexpected by show and tell one day because the teacher changed the day, they shared with the class that their mother was gay. She chuckles at the memory now but says it brought unsettling aspects with it. A cousin who was in their class used an anti-gay slur in reference to Hayden to her sons.

“It’s amazing,” she says. “This baby could barely spell his name and he knows words like that? What kind of hatred are we teaching?” Hayden, as always, found refuge in her writing. Inspired by two teachers when she was in seventh grade, she had a small poetry collection published at age 12. She’s since written 11 more books in various genres and is conducting a series of writer’s workshops for LGBT authors every Saturday through the end of the month at lesbian-owned Sisterspace and Books (3717 Georgia Ave., N.W.; www.sisterspacedc.com).

She discovered the shop during a visit to see author/teacher Nikki Giovanni here a few years ago and fell in love with the store because it gave shelf space to writers of color. Her current project is a screenplay called “The Women of Nelson,” which is set in a Civil War-era Army camp in Kentucky (www.shirleyhayden.us). Hayden works as a consultant and grant writer when she’s not doing her own writing. She enjoys spending time in libraries, volunteering, walking, running, Sudoku and sunbathing in her spare time. She also enjoys hearing her now-27-year-old sons’ perspectives on politics and the world. She’s single and lives in D.C.’s Ft. Lincoln neighborhood in Northeast.

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?
I have never had a problem telling anyone that I am a lesbian. I have been out since age 9. Funny story; I would come home from spending the summers at my grandmother’s every year and tell mama that I was gay. She would respond, “That’s nice, go out and play with your brothers and sisters.” When I turned 18 I just stopped talking about it. At that point she asked if I was still gay. My response was that I was, but I felt she was just going to tell me to go outside and play anyway. And incidentally, I am one of 13 children, born to the same mother and father, and I have two gay brothers as well.

Who’s your gay hero?
Audre Lorde, Terri Jewell, May Sarton, Sapphire, and Alice Walker, Grace Paley, Adrienne Rich are my “sheroes.”

What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?
My favorite D.C. hotspot is actually Sisterspace Books but we need to work on their Wi-fi connectivity. I love meeting writers in the D.C. public libraries to write as well. Libraries across the USA have always been my safe places to write. I have logged more hours in libraries across the country than most people have logged through volunteerism. Additionally, my favorite hotspot is my porch, nachos at LACE, and Busboys and Poets on 5th and K.

What’s your dream gay wedding?
I want to marry in the District. I so want to get married as soon as possible, but my challenge is I cannot marry by myself. My ideal dream wedding would be somewhere on water, but how many watersheds do we have in D.C.? I see myself married, happy, barefoot, but never pregnant. I want to wake up to her morning breath, share night sweats, wear her slippers when traveling, curl up and read together, pray together and do our own particular “nasty” together.

What non-gay issue are you most passionate about?
I would respond racism, but it is certainly a gay issue as well. And so are sexism, volunteerism and mentoring. Well maybe the role of women in the church. Oh wait, I guess that intersection could be homophobia. OK, so my answer will be historical: “I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

What historical outcome would you change?
Well Barrack Obama is in the White House, but I think I would continue to change the notion of being “the first anything based upon race, gender or creed or orientation, you know the infamous clause we still use.

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?
Most memorable would be the Jackson 5 and oddly, the death of Michael.

On what do you insist?
I insist on being un-bossed and un-bought. Shirley Chisholm, a woman who ran for president back in 1972 — she’s the one who coined that term. Always lived by that philosophy.

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?
My last Facebook post was in celebration of my newest book, “Coming Out Loud.”

If your life were a book, what would the title be?
“Adam Can’t Take This Rib Back”

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?
I would pray that I never encountered this science because I like being a lesbian woman; however I would like to tinker with the machinery long enough to eradicate racism, sexism and homophobia.

What do you believe in beyond the physical world?
I always say that, “when hell freezes over, I will skate.” I believe in a lot of things beyond this world but I believe heaven is right here on earth and I believe also in the continuance of it beyond this world.

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?
I have no issues with LGBTQ leaders, however my advice would be to follow. To get behind the movement and push/motivate/inspire/teach/train new leadership to be the forefront.

What would you walk across hot coals for?
I would not walk across hot coals for anything. But I might be encouraged to dance along the edges if I had the opportunity to meet my future mate and life partner.

What gay stereotype annoys you most?
My response will probably inspire debate, discussion, formalization of a nation think tank, new ad-hoc committees and I am sure a few pies thrown in my face, but the stereotype that most annoys me is the women, who bleed like all women, but who believe they are somehow “boys” like my brothers. They are not and I do not care what in the hell they wear in support of trying to be boys or men. Walking like a duck don’t make you a duck.

What’s your favorite gay movie?
People who know me know that one of the areas in which I need to improve is media, particularly movies and even watching TV. Up until about a year ago I did not own a TV and now I am sometimes viewed as the sistah from another planet because movies now in my purview are 10 to 20 years old now. But in answer to the question, I do not think I have a favorite gay movie. The jury is still out on that one.

What’s the most overrated social custom?
This is a hot button topic for me. I think the most overrated social custom is returning text messages every time one of my friends texts me to say they are going to the bathroom. I just do not care and do not want to know about it. I guess if they have fallen off the side of a mountain and they text for help then I may be able to make an exception. But I would expect for them to call 911 for assistance. I get text messages while I am in church. I guess it is telling on me that I allow them to indulge in this behavior with me. Perhaps after today, I will receive fewer messages. I should hope. Additionally, I just do not enjoy Facebook and Twitter for the same reasons. I guess we should hold an all-day summit to address that.

What trophy or prize do you most covet?
I long to win literary awards such as the Pulitzer, but I will settle for more honorable mentions in a new sub-culture where people do not appear to read as much anymore.

What do you wish you’d known at 18?
I wish I had known at 18 that the Internet was coming. I would not have saved so many paper files and newspapers.

Why Washington?
Because I grew up in a farming community and there was no bus and town was where you went on Sunday for church. I have lived in many places, but I live in D.C. because I love, love, love being surrounded by so many diverse people and cultural events. There is always something to do in the District.

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Real Estate

Pride, patriotism, and prosperity

Real estate plays role in honoring servicemembers’ legacy

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(Photo by 1photo/Bigstock)

As the calendar turns to late May and early June, several powerful movements and celebrations converge in a profound and colorful tapestry of remembrance, Pride, and progress. 

Memorial Day in the United States honors the sacrifices of military personnel who gave their lives in service. Simultaneously, WorldPride and Black Pride commemorate both the historical struggles and enduring strength of LGBTQ+ communities worldwide. 

Though these observances may seem distinct, they share powerful commonalities — solemnity, resilience, and the pursuit of equity. When viewed through the lens of real estate and community development, their intersection reveals the critical importance of space, ownership, and inclusion.

Memorial Day is more than a barbecue, a long weekend, or the unofficial start of summer. It is a solemn remembrance of those who laid down their lives for the ideals of freedom and democracy. Many of these fallen heroes came from marginalized backgrounds, including a rainbow of LGBTQ+ Americans who served valiantly, often without recognition or equal rights at home.

LGBTQ+ service members have fought in silence for decades, only gaining the right to serve openly in recent years and then having that opportunity for some individuals snatched back simply because of who they are. Memorial Day is a chance not only to honor their service but also as a reminder of the injustices they endured.

Real estate plays a role in their legacy. For decades, returning veterans used the GI Bill to buy homes and build generational wealth; however, discriminatory practices like redlining and restrictive covenants denied Black veterans the same opportunities, contributing to the racial wealth gap that persists today. Similarly, LGBTQ+ veterans and their partners often faced housing discrimination with little legal recourse. These systemic barriers underscore how access to safe and equitable housing is part of the fight for justice.

Black Pride events emerged in response to racism within the broader LGBTQ+ movement, asserting that Black queer lives matter and deserve visibility. Held in cities across the globe, Black Pride is not just a festival — it is a political and cultural declaration. It amplifies voices at the intersection of race and sexuality, advocating for people who are disproportionately impacted by housing insecurity and gentrification. 

Many urban neighborhoods that were once cultural havens for queer communities are being transformed by rising rents and redevelopment. While revitalization can bring economic opportunity, it must be done equitably, with safeguards in place to ensure that long-standing residents are not displaced. Real estate, in this context, becomes a tool for resistance and renewal.

WorldPride, a global event celebrating LGBTQ+ rights and visibility, is hosted by a different city every few years. It draws millions of participants, shines an international spotlight on LGBTQ+ issues, and highlights disparities in rights and protections worldwide. In countries where queer identities are criminalized, safe housing can be a matter of life and death. 

Even in more progressive regions, LGBTQ+ individuals often face subtle yet persistent discrimination from landlords, real estate agents, and lending institutions. In the real estate industry, advocacy groups are working to increase representation, offer training, define ethical responsibilities, and advocate for inclusive policies to ensure housing is truly accessible to all.

The convergence of WorldPride with Memorial Day and Black Pride invites deeper reflection: What kind of world are we building in memory of those who came before? How can we ensure that freedom, the very principle so many fought and died for, includes the right to live openly and securely, regardless of race, gender, or sexuality?

The real estate industry has a unique role in shaping the future. From urban planning to homeownership policy, to income-based downpayment grants, it directly influences who has access to stability and opportunity. 

Developers, policymakers, and community leaders must work together to address housing disparities. This includes funding affordable housing, protecting tenants from discrimination, and investing in communities that have been historically excluded. It also means respecting cultural legacies and ensuring that neighborhoods reflect the diversity of the people who live in them.

Memorial Day reminds us of the cost of freedom. International Pride events remind us that the fight for freedom is ongoing. As we honor the fallen, let us also honor the living – those who continue to fight for their right to exist, to love, and to call a place home. Whether waving a flag at a Pride parade, laying a wreath at a soldier’s grave, or signing a first-time homebuyer agreement, these moments are connected by the enduring belief that everyone deserves dignity, safety, and a place to belong.

Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in DC, MD & VA with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at (202) 246-8602, email her at DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs

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Real Estate

Tips for buying a house in Rehoboth Beach

And why it’s a great fit for the LGBTQ community

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Rehoboth Beach, Del. (Washington Blade photo by Daniel Truitt)

If you’ve ever dreamed of owning a charming beach house where flip-flops are considered formalwear and sunsets are your daily entertainment, Rehoboth Beach, Del., might just be your dream come true. It’s not just a beautiful coastal town—it’s also a long celebrated safe haven and vibrant hub for the LGBTQ community. Let’s dive into why Rehoboth Beach is a fabulous choice and how to make a savvy beach house purchase.

Why Rehoboth Is a Vibe (especially for the LGBTQ community)

1. A Welcoming, Inclusive Community

Rehoboth Beach has been lovingly nicknamed the “Nation’s Summer Capital,” and it’s not just because of its proximity to D.C. For decades, Rehoboth has built a reputation as a warm, inclusive, and LGBTQ-friendly destination. From gay-owned businesses to LGBTQ events and nightlife, this is a town where you can truly be yourself.

2. Packed Social Calendar

Poodle Beach, the LGBTQ beach hangout just south of the boardwalk, is always buzzing in the summer. Events like Rehoboth Beach Bear Weekend, Women’s FEST, and CAMP Rehoboth’s myriad of social and wellness events bring people together all year round. That’s right—you’ll never be bored here unless you want to be.

3. Small Town Charm Meets Big City Culture

You get art galleries, drag brunches, live theater, eclectic cuisine, and adorable boutiques—basically everything your soul craves—without the chaos and crowds of major cities. It’s quaint but never boring. Think: Key West vibes with a Delaware zip code.

Tips for Buying Your Dream Beach House 

1. Know Your Budget and Think Long Term. Beachfront and near-beach properties come at a premium. Expect to pay a bit more for proximity to the sand and ocean views. 

2. Choose Your Neighborhood Wisely. Do you want to be walking distance from the action on the boardwalk? Or do you prefer something more secluded in areas like North Shores or Henlopen Acres?

3. Rental Potential. If you’re not living there full time, your beach house could work overtime as a vacation rental. Rehoboth Beach has a healthy short-term rental market, especially in peak summer. Often times LGBTQ travelers actively seek inclusive, affirming places to stay.

4. Weather the Weather. Like all coastal areas, Rehoboth comes with a side of salt air and occasional storms. Invest in a good home inspection, especially for older homes, and be prepared for the maintenance that comes with beachfront living (yes, that includes sand everywhere).

5. Work With a Local Real Estate Agent. Look for an agent who knows Rehoboth inside and out and understands the unique needs of LGBTQ buyers. This isn’t just a house — it’s your happy place. You want someone who sees that and says, “Let’s find your sanctuary.”

Buying a beach house in Rehoboth Beach isn’t just about real estate — it’s about finding a space that reflects your lifestyle, values, and need for both community and calm. Whether it becomes your full-time home, your weekend escape, or your Airbnb side hustle, Rehoboth welcomes you with open arms (and maybe a mimosa).

Want personalized tips on navigating the Rehoboth Beach real estate market? Let’s chat! I’ll bring the listings if you bring the sunscreen. 


Justin Noble is a Realtor with The Burns & Noble Group with Sotheby’s International Realty, licensed in D.C., Maryland, and Delaware. Reach him at [email protected] or 202-234-3344.

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Real Estate

Impact of federal gov’t RIF on D.C.’s rental market

A seismic economic change for local property owners

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President Trump’s plan to cut the federal workforce presents challenges to local landlords. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

In a move that could redefine the federal government workforce and reshape the economic fabric of Washington, D.C., President Donald Trump has announced his intentions to significantly reduce federal government spending as well as the number of people the federal government employs.

Calling the federal bureaucracy “bloated” and “out of control,” Trump has repeatedly expressed his desire to cut thousands of federal jobs. While these cuts align with his long-standing push to “drain the swamp,” they come with potential and real collateral damage, especially for landlords in the D.C. area who have relied on government employees as some of their most reliable and long-term tenants.

The potential reduction of thousands of jobs in a city built around government work is not just a political shift—it’s a seismic economic change for the city government as well as for local property owners who have invested in the predictability of a near-constant demand for workers in the federal government agencies, government contractors and the economic ecosystem they sustain. 

For landlords, government workers have represented ideal tenants: strong income, long-term leases, and responsible rental histories. Now, that foundation is being shaken in a battle by the Administration against a workforce which is the backbone of the Washington area’s overall economy, and especially its rental market.

With uncertainty looming, landlords are left in a difficult position. If widespread layoffs come to fruition, rental vacancies could spike, rental prices would drop, and previously secure investment properties might become financial liabilities. The sudden shift forces landlords to consider their next moves: how to support tenants facing job losses, how to adapt to a changing market, and how to ensure their own financial stability amid the uncertainty.

For D.C. landlords, this isn’t just about policy shifts or budget cuts, it’s about economic livelihood. The challenge ahead isn’t about just reacting to change, but proactively preparing for it, ensuring they can weather the storm of political maneuvering.

Potential Consequences for D.C. Landlords

  1. 1. Increased Risk of Non-Payment of Rent
    • Job losses may lead to late or missed rent payments
    • As affected tenants struggle financially, they may ask to break their lease to live elsewhere or even move out of the region
    • Eviction lawsuits may rise, leading to a long and expensive process for landlords, all while not being able to rent their property to paying tenants.
  1. 2. Higher Vacancy Rates
  1. If many government employees leave the D.C. region in search of work elsewhere, the rental demand could decline significantly
  2. Rental properties may sit empty longer, requiring landlords to lower rents to attract new tenants and creating even more financial loss

3. More Competition from Other Landlords

  1. As many more units are vacant on the market, all competing for the same pool of potential tenants, older and smaller rentals, and those located further out from the core of the city will all struggle to find quality renters.
  2. Landlords will need to offer other ways to attract and retain tenants, such as incentives, which could quickly overwhelm the finances of smaller landlords who cannot keep up.

Proactive Strategies for Landlords

To mitigate risks and ensure future rental success, landlords should consider these defensive measures:

1. Strengthen Tenant Relationships and Communication

  • Encourage tenants to communicate if they anticipate financial hardship due to job loss.
  • Work out temporary payment plans or partial payments to prevent full non-payment or eviction.
  • Provide guidance on rental assistance programs available in D.C.

2. Offer Flexible Lease Terms

  • Consider shorter-term leases than a full 12-month term to accommodate the needs of tenants who may be uncertain about their long-term employment status.
  • Offer lease renewals at the same rent amount to keep stable tenants and avoid turnover

3. Diversify Tenant Base

  • If a large portion of tenants are government workers, a landlord may want to market to a broader audience or professionals in private industries.
  • Advertise on platforms that cater to diverse tenant pools, including students and international workers.

4. Adjust Screening Criteria Thoughtfully

  • While it’s important to ensure financial stability, consider creditworthiness, assets, and rental history rather than just employment status.
  • Consider alternative income sources, like family members assisting, part-time work or freelance gigs.

5. Protect Cash Flow with Rent Guarantee Options

  • Explore rental insurance policies or rent guarantee services to cover losses in case of non-payment.
  • Consider co-signers or guarantors on leases for new tenants in vulnerable industries, just in case.

6. Adjust Rental Pricing to Stay Competitive

  • Monitor the D.C. rental market and adjust pricing accordingly to attract new tenants.
  • Consider offering move-in incentives as a way to stand out.  Be creative!  Sometimes things you can offer are different and may catch someone’s eye

Long-Term Planning for Rental Success

  • Build reserves to cover expenses during potential vacancies or rent shortfalls.
  • Invest in property upgrades to make rentals more attractive to a broader audience, such as young professionals or remote workers.
  • Consider diversifying property holdings to include areas that are less reliant on government employment.

By taking proactive steps, landlords can safeguard their investments while supporting tenants through economic uncertainty, ultimately leading to a more stable and resilient rental business.


Scott Bloom is owner and senior property manager at Columbia Property Management. For more information, visit ColumbiaPM.com.

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