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Unraveling mystery of the Kilbourne Place memorial stones

Three gay men lived in this Mount Pleasant neighborhood before dying of AIDS

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Three gay men are memorialized in stones placed along Kilbourne Place in Mount Pleasant. (Blade photo by Michael Key)

Walking down Kilbourne Place is like stepping into another world. The quiet street lined with row homes is a far cry from the hustle and bustle of Mount Pleasant Street. Mount Pleasant is a village within a city with a thriving El Salvadoran population, long-term residents, and newcomers such as myself. On any given day, Purple Patch is serving up sizzling plates of Sisig and the 43 bus is whizzing its way on its journey to the Kennedy Center. On Kilbourne Place, the sound of sizzling pork and the loud hum of the Metrobus can be heard. Within this little slice of serenity, there are three men that I’ve become acquainted with: Robert Rockerhousen, Jakob Efsen and Charles Winney.

On Aug. 18, 2022, my dear friend Courtney decided that it was a good idea to take a walk around the neighborhood after a long day’s work. As we took a right on Lamont Street to walk up Kilbourne, I decided to slow my pace and lag behind. When I caught up to Courtney, she was standing in front of 1755 Kilbourne Place staring at a patch of grass.

I looked down at what caught her eye. It was a headstone with the name Robert Rockershousen and the years 1959-1998 etched onto it. We both sat there and scratched our heads at this find. Without exchanging words, I stepped a couple of paces to the left and found Jakob Efsen and Charles Winney’s headstones. Courtney and I reconvened back at Robert’s stone and we started to exchange ideas about what these headstones could be.

My first thought was that these were trees planted as a memorial but Courtney reminded me that there were no trees. We said that these could be stones for beloved family pets but the names sounded too human. Getting caught up in trying to find out why headstones would be in this quiet neighborhood, we forgot the years that were etched into them. We both settled on the stones being a memorial for slaves since an enslaved burial ground was found not too far away in Adams Morgan. Now that the mosquitoes were biting at every inch of exposed skin, we settled on this rationale and walked away. Before leaving, I decided to snap a picture.

One glass of wine and a few hours later, I pulled out my phone and took a look at the headstone. The enslaved memorial theory was quickly discarded because I saw the year 1998 clear as day. Doing what most people in my age group do when we’re looking for information, I turned to the Internet. I posted on the r/washingtondc subreddit hoping to ask residents if they knew anything about these stones. The commenters on that post were as confused as I was. Knowing that I needed more information, I walked back down the street the following day and took pictures of Jakob and Charles’s stone. It was on this second trip back and actually paying attention to the stones that a thought started to form.

The author became fascinated by several memorial stones on Kilbourne Place and decided to investigate. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

All three of the stones were in honor of men who passed away in the mid-to-late 1990s who were all under 50 years of age. I decided to take another shot at the Internet and back on the r/washingtondc subreddit I made a post soliciting the help of elders in the area’s LGBTQ community. As I was waiting for comments to roll in, I was anxiously checking my phone and refreshing the feed hoping that someone somewhere had answers. No one could say who, what, or when the stones were placed on Kilbourne Place but a few provided some valuable insight on the neighborhood and a few told me to check the Washington Blade’s obituary section with my library card. That night, I spent hours going through each issue in the 1998 archives until I landed on the Nov. 13, 1998 issue. There in black and white was Robert and his cause of death was listed as complications from AIDS.

I went back into the archives and started scrolling through 1996 until I got to July 26, 1996 where I found Charles. In black and white was the cause of death due to complications of AIDS. It took a while for me to find Jakob’s obituary but it was found through the NAMES Project AIDS Memorial Quilt. Even though his cause of death wasn’t explicitly listed as complications from AIDS on his obituary, I knew what that 3×6 panel represented. Here before me were three men who were gay and died from AIDS. At first, my looking into these headstones was something to satiate my curiosity. I was still relatively new to Mount Pleasant and I wanted to know every little thing about the place I now call home. I did not know that this undertaking would become deeply personal for me.

I didn’t fully embrace and accept myself until I turned 25. Growing up, I had conflicting feelings about my sexuality and identity. As young as elementary school I knew I had an attraction to girls and I preferred to present more masculine. Among my friend group, I preferred to be called Tee because Tiana never sounded right to my ears. It wasn’t until adolescence that I also realized I had an attraction to boys. Throughout my adolescent and early adult life, I had visible relationships with men and closeted relationships with women. It was already programmed that there was a “wrongness” within me. I was mocked for my tomboyish appearance. I couldn’t maintain friendships with other girls because they would be immediately labeled as dykes. In college, the dean of my sorority indicated that she would feel “uncomfortable” changing in front of me, implying that there is something inherently predatory about my sexuality.

The closet is where I stayed until June of 2022. Around that time, the walls of the closet started to close in on me and a change needed to happen. I chopped off all of my hair, threw away my feminine clothing, and became Tee again. While this newfound freedom was liberating, there was also a deep sense of regret. When I went to Pride that year I saw a beautiful and vibrant community. A community that I knew nothing about and was afraid of my whole life. Stumbling upon Robert, Charles, and Jake’s headstones as a newly out queer person allowed me an opportunity to learn about a community that I deprived myself of in favor of trying to be “normal.”

I immediately got to work researching everything I could about the men. No longer was finding out the person or entity that placed the headstones an important part of my research. The most important thing was telling the stories of these three men and the lives that they led. Jakob was the first of the three that I started researching. There was already quite a bit of information on him due to his quilt panel. On his panel, there was a pair of cowboy boots and three flags. The cowboy boots represented his love for square dancing. He was a proud member of DC Lambda Squares, which is the area’s LGBTQ square dancing group. DC Lambda Squares members made Jakob’s panel. The three flags represented places that were deeply personal to him. Denmark represents the place he was born. Sweden represents the nationality of his parents, and South Korea represents where Jake served and lived during his time in the PeaceCorps.

(Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Jakob Efsen was born on Feb. 5, 1946 in Denmark. At some point in his childhood, he and his family relocated to Middletown Township, N.J., where he stayed until adulthood. Upon completion of university, he volunteered for the PeaceCorps where he served as a tuberculosis control volunteer in South Korea. In doing research about Jakob, I found a Facebook group of PeaceCorps volunteers who served in Korea. One of his friends, Neil Landreville with whom I had the pleasure speaking, was in K group 13 with Jakob between 1970-1972.

On June 23, 2023, I had the pleasure of speaking with Neil. Neil is now 77 years old and a retired HIV nurse living in New York City. He has a certain youthfulness and brightness to his voice that immediately endears you to him. We stayed on the phone for more than an hour talking about what he knew about Jake and trading stories of our careers in healthcare. Neil met Jake in San Jose where they were roommates for three days before PeaceCorps training in Hawaii. Neil first noticed that Jake was very tall and had an enthusiasm for life. He expressed that the people who knew Jake were immediately taken in by his generosity.

In the weeks they had to learn Korean and how to administer care to people with tuberculosis, Neil fondly remembers how Jake liked to take photos of flowers. Jake went on to become staff for PeaceCorps following the completion of his volunteer term. Being so inspired by the work he did in Korea, Jake came to the DMV area and worked as a tuberculosis case manager in Prince George’s County. Neil expressed that the same reason he worked in the Bronx during the height of the AIDS epidemic is the same reason Jake took on the job in Prince George’s County — he wanted to work directly with the people.

Another fascinating bit about Jake is that he liked to write letters to the editor in response to stories he read in the local newspaper. He was very vocal about his feelings on former Mayor Marion Barry during his drug scandal. He was also vocal about road safety and I have to believe he was passionate about it because he liked to ride his bicycle throughout the neighborhood. Another piece that spoke to me that I remembered when speaking to Neil is one from the Aug. 14, 1987 edition of The Washington Times. The piece was titled “AIDS: The Situation That the U.S. Faces.”

Six years into the AIDS epidemic, the crisis was being ignored by the government. Then-President Ronald Reagan did not mention the word AIDS publicly for years until after his Hollywood friend Rock Hudson came out as gay and revealed that he was living with AIDS. The government was so adamant about not mentioning AIDS that the topic was met with laughter and homophobic remarks in a 1982 press conference in which former Press Secretary Larry Speakes asked reporter Lester Kinsolving if he had AIDS. It wasn’t until the late 1980s when the AIDS death toll was nearing hundreds of thousands did the government expand funding for research and drug development.

In that time of governmental neglect, misinformation, and homophobia, Jake posed a challenge in his piece. He stated, “If Mr. Sobaran thinks the heterosexual population of this nation is safe from the AIDS infection, I suggest he study the incidence of genital herpes in the United States.” In talking with Neil, it was discovered that Jakob already knew he was HIV positive as early as 1990. Neil recounted a visit to D.C. to Jakob’s home where he stayed with his partner. He recalls Jake mentioning that he was taking Bactrim as a prophylactic for PCP (pneumocystis pneumonia). Even though Jake was living with HIV, he continued to work as a tuberculosis case manager all the way up until a couple of weeks before his passing.

Hearing that detail about Jake impressed and also flustered me. Tuberculosis is one of the many opportunistic infections for people living with compromised immune systems. I asked Neil if he was worried about Jake working such a job in his condition and he responded with “that was Jake.” Jakob died on June 5, 1995 with his long-term partner Bradford Jewett by his side. Neil went to the subsequent funeral service where he noticed that it was attended by a majority of his D.C. friends. Still not having any information on Charles and Robert and knowing that they were neighbors, I asked Neil if it would be OK if I sent him photos of Charles and Robert to see if he remembers them at Jake’s service. Unfortunately, he did not recall seeing them there.

Feeling at peace with what I found out about Jake, I started to look into Charles. Charles Winney was born on March 2, 1956 in Saratoga Springs, N.Y., where he lived until moving to Baltimore to attend Johns Hopkins University in 1974 to study to be a pharmacist. It’s unclear how far he made it at Hopkins because he eventually went to the Howard University School of Pharmacy to continue his studies. In looking into Charles’s background, I wanted to find a better photo other than the black and white one used for his obituary. I scoured The Bison (Howard University’s yearbook) looking for any indication of Charles but he wasn’t in there. I continued searching for anything that could lead me to a photo of Charles and a Google search of his name led to a resume.

(Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

The resume was for a pharmaceutical researcher based out of Kansas. In the section where he listed the people he mentored, Charles was one of his interns in the summer of 1986 and he was listed as a senior. I went back to the 1986 and 1987 issue of The Bison looking for a photo of him and again, there was no photo. It is unclear whether Charles completed his studies at Howard but he worked for the pharmacy at George Washington University Hospital before working at Fidia Pharmaceuticals before retiring on disability in 1993. Charles also worked in the healthcare industry. Unfortunately, not much is known about Charles at this point. I reached out for information to various people but none have yet to respond. Charles passed away on July 11, 1996, with his partner Larry Martin by his side.

While waiting for more information on Charles and Robert, I began to ponder a little bit more about Charles because just like me, he lived at the intersection of Blackness and queerness. That intersection was something that I had to reconcile within myself. In my community, it’s not uncommon to hear someone mention that homosexuality isn’t “African” or that homosexuality is an “agenda” being pushed by the white mainstream media to destroy the Black family structure. The thought that I struggled with through all these years was that by accepting my queerness, I too would be trading in my Blackness. The Black community is a community that had to build itself from the ground up. Through forced migration, we lost most of our native tongue, culture, and history. Some of those have been retained and passed down, which is evident in our music or cultural practices (i.e. jumping the broom at weddings) but it has been blended with the language, culture, and customs by the same people who kidnapped us from Africa.

Christianity was used as a way to instill subservience in slaves. Slave masters and captors frequently quoted Ephesians 6:5 to justify their complicity in bondage to human beings. “Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ,” the verse said. The Black church has become a pillar of the community and incubated the Civil Rights Movement. The Black church is also the same institution that uses Leviticus 20:13 to shun their very own. “If a man lieth with mankind as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination,” the verse says.

Even though the Black church is currently experiencing drops in attendance, not too many Black people are far removed from the influence the church has had on our people and unfortunately, homophobia has been one of its influences.

With this history in perspective, in certain parts of the Black community, queerness is viewed as giving into white supremacy where males are seen as giving up their masculinity for a more subservient, feminine position. The women are viewed as wanting to become men in order to escape gender-based oppression and only in finding the “right man,” will the woman return to her “natural” position. Being a Black gay man in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, I wonder how Charles navigated these social issues. For Charles to have been out and in a long-term relationship during those times is a testament to his bravery.

In the process of digging through public records trying to find Charles, an unexpected call came in. Neil forwarded my request for information on Jake to a fellow PeaceCorps friend, Susan Pawlowsky. While she did not know Jake, she does have a love for genealogy. I asked her if she could use her skills to help me find information on Charles and Robert. She agreed and in the information that she sent, she sent the information for Robert’s mother. Acting on faith, I penned a letter and dropped it in the mail to Mrs. Rockerhousen.

On July 1, 2023, I had the pleasure of speaking with Arleen Rockerhousen. I expected to answer questions about my motivations in wanting to know information about her but I was met with a surprisingly sweet and pleasant voice. I told her to tell me what Robert was like and the type of child that he was.

Robert Rockerhousen was born on Aug. 17, 1959 in Michigan. Mrs. Rockerhousen explained that he had a good group of friends growing up but she would often find Robert in his room studying maps. Robert had wanderlust and had wanted to see the world from an early age. This passion for travel was ignited even further when he got a job at a local AAA office in high school where he again was surrounded by maps. After high school, Robert went to the University of Michigan Ann Arbor where he had an internship with Victoria University in Toronto. He graduated with a bachelor’s degree in 1981. Upon completion of his undergraduate studies, Robert took whatever money he had and traveled around Europe until his money ran out.

(Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

When Robert came back to the states, he worked for American Express Travel Related Services until he eventually landed a job at the World Bank as a tariff specialist in Washington, D.C. Mrs. Rockerhousen was familiar with his group of friends in D.C. I found it quite funny when she mentioned that one of his friends was a cartographer due to his love of maps when he was younger. She also mentioned that she was familiar with Larry and Charles. In her recollection of events, she stated that the property on 1755 Kilbourne Place was not Robert’s primary residence. She stated that it was co-owned by him and his longtime friend John Koran. In a brief exchange with Mr. Koran, it was mentioned that he and Robert did indeed own and live on the property until Robert fell ill and eventually sold it to live with his partner Luis in the Shaw neighborhood.

Mrs. Rockerhousen mentioned that Robert, Charles, and Larry were very close and they enjoyed her cooking whenever she would come over. She mentioned that their favorite dish was her German lasagna. She isn’t quite sure how Robert, Charles, and Larry became friends but she remembers them very fondly. While listening to her reminisce about her son, I did not want to talk about HIV. I grew up in a post antiretroviral world due to being born in late 1996. I never knew a time when HIV was more than just a chronic manageable condition. In researching the AIDS epidemic to gain perspective on the times in which Robert, Charles, and Jake lived, just seeing footage and pictures was more than gutting in and of itself. I could not imagine being a parent and having to witness your child die before their time.

When the topic of HIV came up in regards to her son, Mrs. Rockerhousen spoke with poise and clarity. She mentioned that one of her biggest regrets when it came to Robert was that he couldn’t feel he could come out to her and their family. It wasn’t until Robert fell ill that he came out to them. Nevertheless, Mrs. Rockerhousen was very supportive of Robert and showed up when he needed her. On Nov. 6, 1998, Robert passed away at the age of 39 with his partner Luis Schunk by his side. Mrs. Rockerhousen mentioned that Charles’s partner Larry Martin held a wake for him inside of his house. I tried reaching out to Larry in order to find out more information on Charles, Robert, and if there was any connection to Jake but as of now there has been no response.

I still don’t know who placed those stones on Kilbourne Place and maybe I will never know. At first, I felt like Nancy Drew trying to unravel this mystery but when the lives of these three men unfolded in front of me, the mystery had to take a backseat. In front of me were three men who lived dynamic lives in spite of the AIDS epidemic. Robert, Charles, and Jake lived in their truths in a time when living in your truth could be met with scorn. Living in your truth meant having to witness the government neglect you as a virus was overtaking your community. Living in your truth meant watching friends and loved ones die but still finding community within each other.

When Mrs. Rockerhousen mentioned Larry having Robert’s wake in his own home, that touched me in a way that I could not imagine. It showed the love between friends and between members of a community. That is what these stones represent. Whoever placed these stones on this quiet stretch of street in the middle of Mount Pleasant loved Robert, Charles, and Jake enough to remember them where they felt the most comfortable. They were remembered in a place where they could be free without the prying eyes of the public. They were remembered at home, where the heart truly lives.

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The mastery of love

The world knows Eric Anderson as Billy Porter’s partner, but in Rehoboth Beach, he has a story entirely his own

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Eric Anderson and Billy Porter met at a Christmas party and ended up talking until the sun came up. (Photo courtesy of Eric Anderson)

The world knows Eric Anderson as Billy Porter’s partner. In Rehoboth Beach, Del., he has a life — and a story — entirely his own.

My first time with Eric Anderson was hot — very hot. Before he arrived, I sat waiting, overthinking everything. When he finally appeared in a loose-fitting T-shirt and purple shorts, I understood why he attracts attention. Eric is the kind of man who changes the energy of a room simply by entering it.

After a quick hello, we got right to it. Techno pulsed through the room as Eric told me how to move, where to place my hands, when to breathe. My heart pounded. My muscles ached. I bent, twisted, and stretched while sweat ran down my back and burned my eyes. I didn’t bother wiping it away.

To be clear, Eric and I were not alone. Five other people were with us — and the yoga studio at SoulFire Collective in Rehoboth Beach was heated to 87 degrees.

“If you are always racing toward the next moment, what happens to the one you’re in?” Eric asked, opening his power yoga class and inviting us to leave whatever had followed us through the door and surrender to the present. Surrender did not come easily. At 58, I’ve done enough yoga to know the difference between discomfort and imminent death. Halfway through Eric’s relentless flow, the distinction began to blur.

A playlist of techno and remixed pop — including “Live Like You Were Dying” — carried us from one demanding pose to the next. Eric moved among the mats with the energy of a nightclub DJ and the calm of someone who trusted our bodies to go further than our minds believed possible. Nearly an hour later, when the music softened and I collapsed onto my back in savasana, he laid a cool cloth across my forehead. I exhaled — relieved, and maybe a little disappointed, that my first time with Eric was over.

At the end of my mat, a handwritten note congratulated me on my first class and invited me back — a small benediction after the storm. Then Eric closed the class by repeating the question with which he’d opened. For a man whose relationship with actor and singer Billy Porter has drawn him unexpectedly into the public eye, it sounded less like a yoga mantra than a personal creed.

The next time I meet Eric, there is air conditioning and caffeine. We are at Starbucks, where I deliberately order the largest drinks available, as though volume alone might buy me more time. He chooses a matcha, and I order herbal tea. My heart is pounding again, faster than the soft rock drifting from the speakers above us. Although I’ve already spent more than an hour with Eric, I know almost nothing about the man I’m about to interview.

Neither, it seems, does anyone else.

Celebrity outlets offer a handful of biographical details: a Rehoboth Beach teacher and yoga instructor with a master’s degree from Columbia University. Gay publications have been less restrained. One introduced him as Billy Porter’s “total hot stud,” called him “a snacc,” and praised his ability to “rock a Speedo.” Queerty distilled Eric’s identity to five words: “Porter is dating a teacher.”

All of it tells me how the world sees him. None of it tells me who he is.

I know from our text exchanges that Eric is slammed for time. He is scheduled to travel to New York later that day and fly to WorldPride Amsterdam the following afternoon. Billy is among the headliners for the opening-night Unity Concert and is also slated to perform at the Wedding Party XXL alongside KI/KI, Bimini, and the Vengaboys. Eric still has to pack. This, I’m beginning to understand, is part of loving someone famous: there is almost always an itinerary, another city, and a specific time and place Billy needs to be. Even here, with two untouched drinks between us, the clock is ticking.

Eric Anderson (Photo courtesy of Eric Anderson)

As soon as we sit down, I open my laptop, ready to get to work. My mind is focused on the list of questions I’ve prepared, and I’ve already anticipated the shape of most of his responses. Then I look up and see Eric sitting perfectly still, smiling, and taking in the moment. He hasn’t even taken a sip of his matcha yet.

I quietly close my laptop and breathe.

Within minutes, the interview softens into a conversation.

Eric earned a bachelor’s degree in history from the University of Delaware and a master’s in public school leadership from Teachers College, Columbia University. He began his career teaching mathematics before moving into school administration, eventually serving as vice president of the Charter School of Wilmington and head of school at Sussex Academy. Today, he teaches mathematics and social studies in the Cape Henlopen School District. He also coaches soccer and leads yoga classes at SoulFire Collective in Rehoboth Beach.

His return to the classroom was deliberate. Eric knows some people assumed there must be a story behind his leaving administration—that he had done something wrong or that teaching represented a demotion.

“I want to make it clear that I went back to teaching by choice,” he says.

As a child, Eric played school. Teaching has always felt natural to him, less like an occupation than an expression of who he is. Administration was different.

“It felt like work,” he says. “It wasn’t where my passion was, and it didn’t bring me joy. Going back into the classroom was simply me choosing joy.”

The more Eric talks, the clearer it becomes that teaching is not merely a job but a vocation. His mother is white and his father is Black, and growing up biracial was not always easy. “I saw the best and the worst of both,” he tells me. Those experiences helped shape his desire to become a teacher — to be the kind of person who could make a meaningful difference in a young person’s life.

Just then, Eric glances over his shoulder and locks eyes with someone across the room. He waves and flashes what is quickly becoming his signature smile. My first thought is that someone has recognized him as Billy Porter’s partner.

I’m wrong. It’s one of his former students.

Inevitably, our conversation turns to love — and to Billy. I’ve made it clear that I’m here to write about Eric, not Billy Porter. But separating the two entirely would be as artificial as defining Eric only by their relationship. Billy is now an essential part of his story.

Eric met Billy at a Christmas party hosted by mutual friends who had been trying to introduce them all night. It wasn’t easy — the party was crowded, and the two men never quite crossed paths. Eric stayed for the afterparty, where a friend nudged him and nodded toward the room: Billy was looking his way. Romance never crossed his mind.

Eventually, they started talking. Eric has never had much patience for small talk, and he wasn’t interested in cataloging which celebrities Billy knew. He skipped it entirely and went straight for the deeper questions — what Billy believed, how he saw the world, what mattered to him. They ended up at the kitchen table, trading life philosophies until 5 a.m.

What struck Eric most wasn’t the conversation’s length. It was its depth. Billy wasn’t who he expected. Neither was the conversation. By the time the sun was coming up, Eric was less surprised that they’d talked all night than by how much, it turned out, they had in common.

They had dinner the following evening, and Billy invited Eric to spend the weekend with him in New York. There, Billy took him to see Nicole Scherzinger in “Sunset Boulevard.” Right before the show started, he casually introduced Eric to a friend named Katy. Back in their seats, Eric asked how Billy knew her.

“BITCH,” Billy replied, “that is Miss K-A-T-Y P-E-R-R-Y!”

For all the glamour surrounding their courtship, Eric describes the foundation of their relationship in decidedly spiritual terms. His favorite book is don Miguel Ruiz’s The Mastery of Love, which explores how fear, expectation, and the need for approval can distort relationships. Its philosophy closely resembles Eric’s own.

On the surface, Eric and Billy inhabit different worlds. Eric is a deeply spiritual teacher rooted in a small coastal Delaware town. Billy is a celebrated actor and performer whose larger-than-life persona commands stages around the world. But when I ask Eric how the relationship works, he doesn’t hesitate.

“I know that I can be my authentic self with him, and he can be his with me,” he says. “We love each other unconditionally.”

The words could sound rehearsed. Coming from Eric, they don’t.

The red carpets, famous faces, and international travel are not what matter most.

“It’s all about the people,” he explains. “I love Billy’s family and friends, and he loves mine.”

Authenticity surfaces repeatedly in our conversation — not as an abstract ideal, but as Eric’s determination to trust what feels right for him, even when other people may not understand it. I tell him about growing up in Pittsburgh and spending much of my life trying to fit the person I was into the person the world expected me to be. Eric listens intently, then pauses before responding.

“Fuck the system.”

It is blunt, funny, and entirely consistent with the man sitting across from me. Dating Billy may have dramatically increased the number of strangers who have opinions about Eric, but it hasn’t increased the number whose opinions matter to him. He is remarkably unconcerned with what people he doesn’t know think — or say — about him. The attention is new. His response to it is not.

For Eric, authenticity isn’t about asking the world for permission to be yourself. It’s about deciding that permission was never the world’s to give.

That instinct—to look inward rather than outward for permission — predates Billy.

Eric initially turned to yoga for a practical reason: he wanted to improve his physical performance on the soccer field. It didn’t take long for him to realize that something else was happening. Yoga was strengthening his body, but it was also grounding him.

Over time, the physical practice became inseparable from the mental one. The poses, the heat, even the strength required to hold his body in place became less important than learning how to quiet the noise around him, stay present, and listen to himself. The man who had pushed me through an hour of sweat and discomfort wasn’t simply teaching people how to move their bodies. He was asking them to practice something he had learned to do himself.

That sense of being grounded has become particularly important in a relationship that often requires two people to live very different lives. Eric is quick to point out that he and Billy have separate careers, separate ambitions, and goals entirely their own. Neither expects the other to abandon an individual life simply because they have chosen to build a relationship together.

When Billy left for London to star in “Cabaret,” distance became part of their routine. They FaceTimed every day, a practice they continue whenever they are apart.

“I tell Billy everything,” Eric says.

Being authentic with Billy doesn’t require the two men to become more alike. If anything, the opposite seems true. They are comfortable following their own career paths, living separate lives when circumstances require it, and giving each other the freedom to pursue what matters individually. Then they come back together — not because either has put his own life on hold, but because they have chosen to share those lives with each other.

When we finally look at the time, nearly 90 minutes have passed. Eric still needs to pack. New York is waiting, Amsterdam after that, and somewhere there is undoubtedly an itinerary telling Billy exactly where he needs to be and when.

But for a while, neither of us was racing toward the next moment.

We were fully inside the one we were in.

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What ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’ can still teach us

Producer David Collins on lasting impact of hit series

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David Collins (Photo courtesy of Collins)

It’s hard to imagine where LGBTQ+ television would be without “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” the trailblazing reality series that premiered in 2003. 

Each episode of this Emmy-winning show saw a group of gays converge on a struggling man — the titular straight guy — and offer nonstop wit while organizing his endlessly messy life. This program about a group of homosexual helpers took the world by storm, furthering the love of gay television begun by shows like “Will and Grace” but bringing it into the growing medium of reality TV. Of course, it wasn’t perfect; “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” often cast its experts less as multi-faceted queer folks and more as sources of early 2000s gay jokes. But despite these pitfalls, it’s undeniable that the original program explored the realities of being gay in a way audiences had never seen before. It was a monumental piece of LGBTQ+ representation, and its success is largely owed to the man who fought to get this show made: producer David Collins. 

Collins spoke with the Blade from his Los Angeles home, where he’s spent the past few years living with his husband and his two daughters. David spoke fondly of his many years in the industry, detailing how it feels to be such a huge part of LGBTQ+ history. He explained, however, that he didn’t initially set out to alter how queer people were seen on television. “I never went out to make gay television,” said the producer. “I went out to tell great stories.”

“I’m a hillbilly from Ohio, and I thought I was going to be an editor,” David laughed, looking back on his career. “I interned at the Cincinnati Film Office, and I showed up to work my very first day, and the film commissioner was like, ‘Get to the airport right now and pick [someone] up. Don’t talk to them.’ Well, I ended up picking up Jodie Foster.” Collins raved about this car ride that changed his life, with the pair becoming friends and Foster pushing him to become a producer who puts their own media out into the world. Eventually, he did just that, and after learning about the wild new genre that was reality TV, he pitched a series to Bravo: “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.” 

“I was obsessed with Esquire magazine, and they had five categories: fashion, grooming, interior design, culture, food, and wine. So I gave them each a gay, and the Fab Five were born!” Collins said, describing how viewers quickly fell in love with the concept and earned the program four seasons and an Emmy for Outstanding Reality Program. He spoke about how proud he felt creating a show that centered real gay people, not characters in a story, remembering, “To stand in the middle of Times Square and look up and see this massive billboard with the original Queer Eye guys…it wasn’t even a dream come true, because it wasn’t a dream I had even fathomed.”

With his series, people were watching actual gay men and learning the realities of a queer culture that had always been portrayed as a danger to society. Collins tearfully recounted hearing about queer people using the show as a way to connect with their family, saying, “What I’m most proud of that’s come out of Queer Eye [are] the conversations that that series has allowed to have people around their kitchen tables with little boys in Ohio like me who were scared to death that they were going to burn in hell because their pastor was telling them that they were a sinner.”

Now, for all of its trailblazing, the program wasn’t wholly positive; the show’s focus on the central ‘straight guy’ meant it rarely delved into the lives of its Fab Five. Collins regretted that lack of depth but understood that earlier audiences weren’t accustomed to such a nuanced look into queerness — that would have to wait for the reboot. 

When “Queer Eye” came out in 2018, audiences were introduced to not only a new Fab Five, but a whole new format (that didn’t rely on a straight person). Now, the series would assist queer folks and allies alike, spotlighting these individuals as well as the queer experts helping them improve their lives. The show has been applauded for its amazing makeovers, but where it truly stands out is its representation, offering a look into individuals across the country and the struggles — along with the immense joys — of being queer in America today.

Fans were disappointed to hear that “Queer Eye” would be ending after its 10th season, but David stressed that they wouldn’t have to be sad for long. “What I will say to you is this: hang tight,” he teased. “There’s yet another version of ‘Queer Eye’ to come, and we’re working on that now.” In the meantime, Collins is continuing his work with new shows like the “House of Stassi,” a series centered on “Vanderpump Rules’”prolific waitress. He’s excited about these new projects, but emphasized that his heart will always belong to “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” and all that it continues to do for viewers 19 years after its finale. 

“It’s not about your new outfit or your new couch or your new whatever. It’s about your humanity,” said Collins, speaking about the core lesson he hopes people take away from the Queer Eye franchise. “It’s about seeing yourself. It’s about dignity. It’s about how confidence breeds success.”

A valuable message that queer folks can benefit from even more now than they did in 2003. And, while it’s unclear just what lies ahead for this franchise, one thing is for sure: “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” helped people everywhere understand the power that exists within our queerness. It’s a truth that has impacted countless pieces of LGBTQ+ television today, and it’s one that Collins promises to keep alive through whatever hit show he creates next. 

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Jason DePuy on coping with homophobia in ‘Big Brother’ house

First drag queen contestant on CBS show fought to stay positive

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Jason DePuy on Big Brother (Photo courtesy of CBS Broadcasting,Inc.)

One week after Jason DePuy (known as Salina EsTitties on “RuPaul’s Drag Race”) was bullied and eventually evicted from CBS’s “Big Brother” house, the queer drag performer is still emotionally processing his feelings.

During his 24 days in the reality TV competition, DePuy often had a rough time, with fellow cast member Kamuela “Kamu” Kirk making homophobic comments and feeling isolated.

In a conversation with Head of Household Rick Devens, Kirk left viewers upset when he said, “Bro, miss me with the drag stuff. Miss me. I’m still an MMA guy, and I have an image to uphold.”

Former “Big Brother” contestant Frankie Grande called his words  ‘homophobic’ and ‘gross.’ Another comment, where Kirk said he wanted to end DePuy’s career, also received strong backlash online.

Now that he is out of the house, DePuy has been shocked and deeply touched by the love from “Big Brother” fans and former contestants. We chatted with DePuy for this Blade exclusive.

“To know that my community was rallying for me outside the house was the most wonderful thing. Seeing how much people were just wanting to shower me with love was incredible. Even my friends, I went to say hi and give them a hug, and they’re like, ‘Uh, uh, come here.’ They had to hold me and let me know America was feeling for me in a way that I had no idea.”

He added: “To see that reality was just overwhelming, and I couldn’t ask for more.”

Known as a messy player in the house, DePuy often had to fight to stay positive and stand up for himself. 

“No one was coming to my rescue. In real life, it’s easy to block people, but in the house, I didn’t have that luxury, so I had to find it within myself to learn how to speak up for myself in a way that wasn’t nasty or biting. I didn’t attack anyone personally, which is what I was the most proud of.”

DePuy acknowledged he has had a history of putting his foot in his mouth when it came to certain “Drag Race”moments, being in the public eye, and making a fool of himself. “I’ve learned my lessons; to see how I handled myself in the ‘Big Brother’ house was amazing.” 

While DePuy has been sober for 14 and a half years and has a strong spiritual foundation, in the Big Brother house, he often felt like he couldn’t communicate what he was feeling. 

“As a queer person, a person of color, a drag queen, I have to be very careful about how I move. I don’t have the luxury or privilege to just act a certain way or say a certain thing. I have to be very careful; I’m representing me. But who I am is a Latino, a person of recovery, a drag queen, a queer person in the community. I know that there’s a lot of pressure that comes with that. I felt it was safer for me to sit there and just breathe than try to do anything crazy.”

He continued: “I couldn’t speak to the personal attack that was happening in the house, because in my mind I was like, ‘no, this is a game, and I have to play it, put that aside.’”

Not only can viewers watch the episodes, but they can also watch the live feeds of what’s happening. Seeing the fans’ social media posts from people who had watched the episodes and the live feeds also contributed to DePuy realizing that his feelings of discomfort were valid.

“To know that I wasn’t delusional in those moments, that others could see what was happening, has been a lot to take in. Fans and friends let me know the comments made went beyond the game…I’m like, ‘Oh, so my instincts were correct.”

One of the most poignant moments on the live feeds occurred when DePuy was crying, alone in his room, and said how he missed his gay community.

“I really missed my friends. I missed my queer community. We’re so colorful. We’re so loud. We’re so vibrant. We speak off the cuff, and we’re very truthful and honest with how we speak, and it’s fun. We have fun lingo.”

DePuy had to censor his expressions in the house. “Because I can say one thing, but it can mean something different to straight people than it does with my queer brothers and sisters. So, there was a sense of code-switching that I had to do. I had to even put aside some of my queerness in a way sometimes to fit in.”

DePuy was thrilled to be the very first drag queen to ever be cast on the show. 

“I’m honored to have been chosen. There’s a million drag queens out there, and to know that I was a contender to come in the house and not even be in drag was like a wow for me. I’m over here in Hollywood, running around these streets with a wig and heels just to make a dollar to survive, and I have to rely on drag to do that. And then to be offered this opportunity and be given the privilege to say, ‘hey, you don’t have to put on the wig for you to be valuable here,’ is just insane to me.”

Prior to his shows, DePuy has been hustling for 15 years, flipping burgers and doing drag at night.

“That has been my life these past since I was 17. So it’s been a long journey; the opportunity to do this out of drag is a very big blessing. I’m honored and grateful to be the representation of my community.”

If you missed Jason on “Big Brother: Unlocked,” the episode can be seen on CBS.com. He will be back on the show for the finale.

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