a&e features
Unraveling mystery of the Kilbourne Place memorial stones
Three gay men lived in this Mount Pleasant neighborhood before dying of AIDS
Walking down Kilbourne Place is like stepping into another world. The quiet street lined with row homes is a far cry from the hustle and bustle of Mount Pleasant Street. Mount Pleasant is a village within a city with a thriving El Salvadoran population, long-term residents, and newcomers such as myself. On any given day, Purple Patch is serving up sizzling plates of Sisig and the 43 bus is whizzing its way on its journey to the Kennedy Center. On Kilbourne Place, the sound of sizzling pork and the loud hum of the Metrobus can be heard. Within this little slice of serenity, there are three men that I’ve become acquainted with: Robert Rockerhousen, Jakob Efsen and Charles Winney.
On Aug. 18, 2022, my dear friend Courtney decided that it was a good idea to take a walk around the neighborhood after a long day’s work. As we took a right on Lamont Street to walk up Kilbourne, I decided to slow my pace and lag behind. When I caught up to Courtney, she was standing in front of 1755 Kilbourne Place staring at a patch of grass.
I looked down at what caught her eye. It was a headstone with the name Robert Rockershousen and the years 1959-1998 etched onto it. We both sat there and scratched our heads at this find. Without exchanging words, I stepped a couple of paces to the left and found Jakob Efsen and Charles Winney’s headstones. Courtney and I reconvened back at Robert’s stone and we started to exchange ideas about what these headstones could be.
My first thought was that these were trees planted as a memorial but Courtney reminded me that there were no trees. We said that these could be stones for beloved family pets but the names sounded too human. Getting caught up in trying to find out why headstones would be in this quiet neighborhood, we forgot the years that were etched into them. We both settled on the stones being a memorial for slaves since an enslaved burial ground was found not too far away in Adams Morgan. Now that the mosquitoes were biting at every inch of exposed skin, we settled on this rationale and walked away. Before leaving, I decided to snap a picture.
One glass of wine and a few hours later, I pulled out my phone and took a look at the headstone. The enslaved memorial theory was quickly discarded because I saw the year 1998 clear as day. Doing what most people in my age group do when we’re looking for information, I turned to the Internet. I posted on the r/washingtondc subreddit hoping to ask residents if they knew anything about these stones. The commenters on that post were as confused as I was. Knowing that I needed more information, I walked back down the street the following day and took pictures of Jakob and Charles’s stone. It was on this second trip back and actually paying attention to the stones that a thought started to form.
All three of the stones were in honor of men who passed away in the mid-to-late 1990s who were all under 50 years of age. I decided to take another shot at the Internet and back on the r/washingtondc subreddit I made a post soliciting the help of elders in the area’s LGBTQ community. As I was waiting for comments to roll in, I was anxiously checking my phone and refreshing the feed hoping that someone somewhere had answers. No one could say who, what, or when the stones were placed on Kilbourne Place but a few provided some valuable insight on the neighborhood and a few told me to check the Washington Blade’s obituary section with my library card. That night, I spent hours going through each issue in the 1998 archives until I landed on the Nov. 13, 1998 issue. There in black and white was Robert and his cause of death was listed as complications from AIDS.
I went back into the archives and started scrolling through 1996 until I got to July 26, 1996 where I found Charles. In black and white was the cause of death due to complications of AIDS. It took a while for me to find Jakob’s obituary but it was found through the NAMES Project AIDS Memorial Quilt. Even though his cause of death wasn’t explicitly listed as complications from AIDS on his obituary, I knew what that 3×6 panel represented. Here before me were three men who were gay and died from AIDS. At first, my looking into these headstones was something to satiate my curiosity. I was still relatively new to Mount Pleasant and I wanted to know every little thing about the place I now call home. I did not know that this undertaking would become deeply personal for me.
I didn’t fully embrace and accept myself until I turned 25. Growing up, I had conflicting feelings about my sexuality and identity. As young as elementary school I knew I had an attraction to girls and I preferred to present more masculine. Among my friend group, I preferred to be called Tee because Tiana never sounded right to my ears. It wasn’t until adolescence that I also realized I had an attraction to boys. Throughout my adolescent and early adult life, I had visible relationships with men and closeted relationships with women. It was already programmed that there was a “wrongness” within me. I was mocked for my tomboyish appearance. I couldn’t maintain friendships with other girls because they would be immediately labeled as dykes. In college, the dean of my sorority indicated that she would feel “uncomfortable” changing in front of me, implying that there is something inherently predatory about my sexuality.
The closet is where I stayed until June of 2022. Around that time, the walls of the closet started to close in on me and a change needed to happen. I chopped off all of my hair, threw away my feminine clothing, and became Tee again. While this newfound freedom was liberating, there was also a deep sense of regret. When I went to Pride that year I saw a beautiful and vibrant community. A community that I knew nothing about and was afraid of my whole life. Stumbling upon Robert, Charles, and Jake’s headstones as a newly out queer person allowed me an opportunity to learn about a community that I deprived myself of in favor of trying to be “normal.”
I immediately got to work researching everything I could about the men. No longer was finding out the person or entity that placed the headstones an important part of my research. The most important thing was telling the stories of these three men and the lives that they led. Jakob was the first of the three that I started researching. There was already quite a bit of information on him due to his quilt panel. On his panel, there was a pair of cowboy boots and three flags. The cowboy boots represented his love for square dancing. He was a proud member of DC Lambda Squares, which is the area’s LGBTQ square dancing group. DC Lambda Squares members made Jakob’s panel. The three flags represented places that were deeply personal to him. Denmark represents the place he was born. Sweden represents the nationality of his parents, and South Korea represents where Jake served and lived during his time in the PeaceCorps.
Jakob Efsen was born on Feb. 5, 1946 in Denmark. At some point in his childhood, he and his family relocated to Middletown Township, N.J., where he stayed until adulthood. Upon completion of university, he volunteered for the PeaceCorps where he served as a tuberculosis control volunteer in South Korea. In doing research about Jakob, I found a Facebook group of PeaceCorps volunteers who served in Korea. One of his friends, Neil Landreville with whom I had the pleasure speaking, was in K group 13 with Jakob between 1970-1972.
On June 23, 2023, I had the pleasure of speaking with Neil. Neil is now 77 years old and a retired HIV nurse living in New York City. He has a certain youthfulness and brightness to his voice that immediately endears you to him. We stayed on the phone for more than an hour talking about what he knew about Jake and trading stories of our careers in healthcare. Neil met Jake in San Jose where they were roommates for three days before PeaceCorps training in Hawaii. Neil first noticed that Jake was very tall and had an enthusiasm for life. He expressed that the people who knew Jake were immediately taken in by his generosity.
In the weeks they had to learn Korean and how to administer care to people with tuberculosis, Neil fondly remembers how Jake liked to take photos of flowers. Jake went on to become staff for PeaceCorps following the completion of his volunteer term. Being so inspired by the work he did in Korea, Jake came to the DMV area and worked as a tuberculosis case manager in Prince George’s County. Neil expressed that the same reason he worked in the Bronx during the height of the AIDS epidemic is the same reason Jake took on the job in Prince George’s County — he wanted to work directly with the people.
Another fascinating bit about Jake is that he liked to write letters to the editor in response to stories he read in the local newspaper. He was very vocal about his feelings on former Mayor Marion Barry during his drug scandal. He was also vocal about road safety and I have to believe he was passionate about it because he liked to ride his bicycle throughout the neighborhood. Another piece that spoke to me that I remembered when speaking to Neil is one from the Aug. 14, 1987 edition of The Washington Times. The piece was titled “AIDS: The Situation That the U.S. Faces.”
Six years into the AIDS epidemic, the crisis was being ignored by the government. Then-President Ronald Reagan did not mention the word AIDS publicly for years until after his Hollywood friend Rock Hudson came out as gay and revealed that he was living with AIDS. The government was so adamant about not mentioning AIDS that the topic was met with laughter and homophobic remarks in a 1982 press conference in which former Press Secretary Larry Speakes asked reporter Lester Kinsolving if he had AIDS. It wasn’t until the late 1980s when the AIDS death toll was nearing hundreds of thousands did the government expand funding for research and drug development.
In that time of governmental neglect, misinformation, and homophobia, Jake posed a challenge in his piece. He stated, “If Mr. Sobaran thinks the heterosexual population of this nation is safe from the AIDS infection, I suggest he study the incidence of genital herpes in the United States.” In talking with Neil, it was discovered that Jakob already knew he was HIV positive as early as 1990. Neil recounted a visit to D.C. to Jakob’s home where he stayed with his partner. He recalls Jake mentioning that he was taking Bactrim as a prophylactic for PCP (pneumocystis pneumonia). Even though Jake was living with HIV, he continued to work as a tuberculosis case manager all the way up until a couple of weeks before his passing.
Hearing that detail about Jake impressed and also flustered me. Tuberculosis is one of the many opportunistic infections for people living with compromised immune systems. I asked Neil if he was worried about Jake working such a job in his condition and he responded with “that was Jake.” Jakob died on June 5, 1995 with his long-term partner Bradford Jewett by his side. Neil went to the subsequent funeral service where he noticed that it was attended by a majority of his D.C. friends. Still not having any information on Charles and Robert and knowing that they were neighbors, I asked Neil if it would be OK if I sent him photos of Charles and Robert to see if he remembers them at Jake’s service. Unfortunately, he did not recall seeing them there.
Feeling at peace with what I found out about Jake, I started to look into Charles. Charles Winney was born on March 2, 1956 in Saratoga Springs, N.Y., where he lived until moving to Baltimore to attend Johns Hopkins University in 1974 to study to be a pharmacist. It’s unclear how far he made it at Hopkins because he eventually went to the Howard University School of Pharmacy to continue his studies. In looking into Charles’s background, I wanted to find a better photo other than the black and white one used for his obituary. I scoured The Bison (Howard University’s yearbook) looking for any indication of Charles but he wasn’t in there. I continued searching for anything that could lead me to a photo of Charles and a Google search of his name led to a resume.
The resume was for a pharmaceutical researcher based out of Kansas. In the section where he listed the people he mentored, Charles was one of his interns in the summer of 1986 and he was listed as a senior. I went back to the 1986 and 1987 issue of The Bison looking for a photo of him and again, there was no photo. It is unclear whether Charles completed his studies at Howard but he worked for the pharmacy at George Washington University Hospital before working at Fidia Pharmaceuticals before retiring on disability in 1993. Charles also worked in the healthcare industry. Unfortunately, not much is known about Charles at this point. I reached out for information to various people but none have yet to respond. Charles passed away on July 11, 1996, with his partner Larry Martin by his side.
While waiting for more information on Charles and Robert, I began to ponder a little bit more about Charles because just like me, he lived at the intersection of Blackness and queerness. That intersection was something that I had to reconcile within myself. In my community, it’s not uncommon to hear someone mention that homosexuality isn’t “African” or that homosexuality is an “agenda” being pushed by the white mainstream media to destroy the Black family structure. The thought that I struggled with through all these years was that by accepting my queerness, I too would be trading in my Blackness. The Black community is a community that had to build itself from the ground up. Through forced migration, we lost most of our native tongue, culture, and history. Some of those have been retained and passed down, which is evident in our music or cultural practices (i.e. jumping the broom at weddings) but it has been blended with the language, culture, and customs by the same people who kidnapped us from Africa.
Christianity was used as a way to instill subservience in slaves. Slave masters and captors frequently quoted Ephesians 6:5 to justify their complicity in bondage to human beings. “Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ,” the verse said. The Black church has become a pillar of the community and incubated the Civil Rights Movement. The Black church is also the same institution that uses Leviticus 20:13 to shun their very own. “If a man lieth with mankind as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination,” the verse says.
Even though the Black church is currently experiencing drops in attendance, not too many Black people are far removed from the influence the church has had on our people and unfortunately, homophobia has been one of its influences.
With this history in perspective, in certain parts of the Black community, queerness is viewed as giving into white supremacy where males are seen as giving up their masculinity for a more subservient, feminine position. The women are viewed as wanting to become men in order to escape gender-based oppression and only in finding the “right man,” will the woman return to her “natural” position. Being a Black gay man in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, I wonder how Charles navigated these social issues. For Charles to have been out and in a long-term relationship during those times is a testament to his bravery.
In the process of digging through public records trying to find Charles, an unexpected call came in. Neil forwarded my request for information on Jake to a fellow PeaceCorps friend, Susan Pawlowsky. While she did not know Jake, she does have a love for genealogy. I asked her if she could use her skills to help me find information on Charles and Robert. She agreed and in the information that she sent, she sent the information for Robert’s mother. Acting on faith, I penned a letter and dropped it in the mail to Mrs. Rockerhousen.
On July 1, 2023, I had the pleasure of speaking with Arleen Rockerhousen. I expected to answer questions about my motivations in wanting to know information about her but I was met with a surprisingly sweet and pleasant voice. I told her to tell me what Robert was like and the type of child that he was.
Robert Rockerhousen was born on Aug. 17, 1959 in Michigan. Mrs. Rockerhousen explained that he had a good group of friends growing up but she would often find Robert in his room studying maps. Robert had wanderlust and had wanted to see the world from an early age. This passion for travel was ignited even further when he got a job at a local AAA office in high school where he again was surrounded by maps. After high school, Robert went to the University of Michigan Ann Arbor where he had an internship with Victoria University in Toronto. He graduated with a bachelor’s degree in 1981. Upon completion of his undergraduate studies, Robert took whatever money he had and traveled around Europe until his money ran out.
When Robert came back to the states, he worked for American Express Travel Related Services until he eventually landed a job at the World Bank as a tariff specialist in Washington, D.C. Mrs. Rockerhousen was familiar with his group of friends in D.C. I found it quite funny when she mentioned that one of his friends was a cartographer due to his love of maps when he was younger. She also mentioned that she was familiar with Larry and Charles. In her recollection of events, she stated that the property on 1755 Kilbourne Place was not Robert’s primary residence. She stated that it was co-owned by him and his longtime friend John Koran. In a brief exchange with Mr. Koran, it was mentioned that he and Robert did indeed own and live on the property until Robert fell ill and eventually sold it to live with his partner Luis in the Shaw neighborhood.
Mrs. Rockerhousen mentioned that Robert, Charles, and Larry were very close and they enjoyed her cooking whenever she would come over. She mentioned that their favorite dish was her German lasagna. She isn’t quite sure how Robert, Charles, and Larry became friends but she remembers them very fondly. While listening to her reminisce about her son, I did not want to talk about HIV. I grew up in a post antiretroviral world due to being born in late 1996. I never knew a time when HIV was more than just a chronic manageable condition. In researching the AIDS epidemic to gain perspective on the times in which Robert, Charles, and Jake lived, just seeing footage and pictures was more than gutting in and of itself. I could not imagine being a parent and having to witness your child die before their time.
When the topic of HIV came up in regards to her son, Mrs. Rockerhousen spoke with poise and clarity. She mentioned that one of her biggest regrets when it came to Robert was that he couldn’t feel he could come out to her and their family. It wasn’t until Robert fell ill that he came out to them. Nevertheless, Mrs. Rockerhousen was very supportive of Robert and showed up when he needed her. On Nov. 6, 1998, Robert passed away at the age of 39 with his partner Luis Schunk by his side. Mrs. Rockerhousen mentioned that Charles’s partner Larry Martin held a wake for him inside of his house. I tried reaching out to Larry in order to find out more information on Charles, Robert, and if there was any connection to Jake but as of now there has been no response.
I still don’t know who placed those stones on Kilbourne Place and maybe I will never know. At first, I felt like Nancy Drew trying to unravel this mystery but when the lives of these three men unfolded in front of me, the mystery had to take a backseat. In front of me were three men who lived dynamic lives in spite of the AIDS epidemic. Robert, Charles, and Jake lived in their truths in a time when living in your truth could be met with scorn. Living in your truth meant having to witness the government neglect you as a virus was overtaking your community. Living in your truth meant watching friends and loved ones die but still finding community within each other.
When Mrs. Rockerhousen mentioned Larry having Robert’s wake in his own home, that touched me in a way that I could not imagine. It showed the love between friends and between members of a community. That is what these stones represent. Whoever placed these stones on this quiet stretch of street in the middle of Mount Pleasant loved Robert, Charles, and Jake enough to remember them where they felt the most comfortable. They were remembered in a place where they could be free without the prying eyes of the public. They were remembered at home, where the heart truly lives.
a&e features
D.C. springs back to life with new, returning events
Cherry blossoms, Rehoboth season kickoff, and more on tap
Longer and warmer days are back meaning: It’s time to get out of the house and enjoy Washington D.C.’s many events. Below are a few to check out this spring.
The National Museum of Women in the Arts will host “Making their Mark: Works from the Shah Garg Collection” until Sunday, July 26. This exhibition illustrates women artists’ vital role in abstraction, considers historical contributions, formal and material breakthroughs and intergenerational relationships among women artists over the last eight decades. For more details, visit. NMWA’s website.
Art in the Attic will host a pop-up on Saturday, March 14 at 6 p.m. at 1012 Madison St., Alexandria, Va. There will be a variety of vendors selling products across different modes of art. For more details, visit Eventbrite.
Play Play will host “Indoor Recess – The art of play” on Sunday, March 15 at 2 p.m. This event will embody classic recess energy, including opportunities to build and experience community and connections through games, movement, art stations, and creative freedom. Tickets are $12.51 and can be purchased on Eventbrite.
Spark Social will host “Gay Bar Crawl on U Street” on Friday, March 20 at 7:30 p.m. This will be a fun night out in gay D.C. with other gay people, whether you’re visiting D.C., new to the area, or just looking to expand your social circle. Many crawlers have formed lasting friendships and even romantic relationships after just one night out. Tickets are $35.88 and are available on Eventbrite.
Creative Suitland Arts Center will host “EFFERVESCENT: House of Swann” on Saturday, May 30 at 7 p.m. This will be a gay, good time where we will celebrate love, joy, wellness, and visibility for the LGBTQIA+ community. Tickets start at $17.85 and can be purchased on Eventbrite.
SWAG Works DC will host “Unapologetically Her” on Saturday, March 14 at 2 p.m. at 701 E St., S.E. This event is a powerful celebration of womanhood, resilience, creativity, and self-expression in honor of Women’s History Month. This all-women exhibition highlights the diverse voices, stories, and artistic perspectives of women who create boldly, live authentically, and stand confidently in their truth. This event is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.
9:30 Club will host “Gimme Gimme Disco: A Dance Party Inspired by ABBA” on Saturday, March 14 at 6 p.m. There will also be a “Donna Summer Power Hour – The Queen of Disco” segment during this event. It’ll be one hour of music with no skips. Tickets are available on 9:30 Club’s website.
Harder Better Faster Stronger will host “Heated Rivalry Rave” on Friday, March 20 at 9 p.m. at Howard Theatre. This event is open to all ages. Tickets are available on the theater’s website.
CAMP Rehoboth hosts its 25th annual Women’s+ FEST, April 9-12 in Rehoboth Beach, Del. Entertainers include headliner Mina Hartong, a comedian, storyteller, and founder of Lez Out Loud; and singer Yoli Mayor. There are dances, dinners, pickleball, and much more. Details and tickets at camprehoboth.org.
Also in Rehoboth Beach, the Washington Blade’s 19th annual Summer Kickoff Party is set for Friday, May 15 featuring Ashley Biden, who will accept an award on behalf of her brother Beau. State Rep. Claire Snyder-Hall will also speak. More speakers and the venue to be announced soon.
The annual D.C. Cherry Blossom Festival kicks off March 21 at DAR Constitution Hall and culminates with Petalpalooza on April 4, the day-long, outdoor street party with music and art, stretching across Navy Yard, and ending with fireworks over the Anacostia River.
a&e features
‘Queer Eye’ star Dorriene Diggs on life before and after appearing on hit show
Emotional January episode highlighted 40-year love affair with partner
Dorriene Diggs, 70, whose 40-year relationship with her domestic partner, Diane until Diane’s passing in 2020, the couple’s tense relationship with their respective parents, and Dorriene’s current living arrangement with her straight sister Jo, were the focus of a final season episode of the popular TV series “Queer Eye.”
In a recent interview with the Washington Blade, Diggs told of how her appearance on the show has impacted her life. She elaborated on the many aspects of her life experiences that she told to the five “Queer Eye” co-hosts who interviewed her and her sister in their D.C. home.
Although her parents and her partner’s parents, who have since passed away, were not accepting of their relationship, Diggs has said most of her family members at this time reacted positively to her appearance on the show.
“They loved it,” she told the Blade. “Yes, everybody that saw the show called me and said they loved the show, they really enjoyed themselves watching it.”
Through an arrangement with D.C.’s Rainbow History Project, the “Queer Eye” show featuring Diggs and her sister was presented in a special screening on a large video screen at the D.C. History Center in January.
“Dorriene, a 70-year-old Black lesbian living in Washington, D.C., had spent decades building a life with her partner while navigating silence within her own family,” a “Queer Eye” statement announcing the episode on Diggs states.
“The Fab Five did not arrive to introduce Dorriene to herself, but to help ensure her story was finally heard in full,” the statement says.
Blade: Can you tell us how your appearance on the “Queer Eye” program came about? How did they find out about you?
Diggs: You know, I still don’t have all the details. I think it was my niece, Missy. And she knows somebody there from “Queer Eye.”
Blade: So, did you first learn about it when someone from “Queer Eye” contacted you?
Diggs: No, the “Queer Eye” guy knocked on my bedroom door and started talking. I was in my bedroom watching television and the next thing I know my door opened up and there was Karamo [Karamo Brown, one of the “Queer Eye” co-hosts] with his big black cowboy hat on, opening the door grinning. … They contacted Jo first. And when they came here, they realized there was a gay woman in the house, too. Because my name was not mentioned at first. After they came here, they learned about me, because when Missy reached out to them, she reached out to them about Jo. But that doesn’t bother me. This was all about Jo in the beginning, and not me. … They started talking to me and Jo. And he said, Dorriene, ‘you’ve done so much for so many people, it’s time for someone to do something for you.’ That’s what they said. He said, ‘this is the day we’re doing it for you.’
And so, they put me and my sister up in a hotel for a week. They gave us a personal driver to take us anywhere we wanted to go. And then they took us to a bunch of places. We didn’t know why they were doing all of this. We had no idea that they were renovating the house and renovating our bedrooms. We had no idea.
Blade: What was your reaction when you saw the home renovation?
Diggs: It was amazing. And they bought us all new complete wardrobes – clothes, shoes. But most of the stuff they got me I gave away to a women’s shelter. But it was so nice. Actually, to meet the guys. I’ve been watching the show for 10 years. I have watched it from the beginning. And actually, it brought me and my sister closer – really. We’re closer now than we’ve ever been. She’s my baby sister – not the baby, but next to the baby. She’s the younger one.
Blade: What has been the reaction to your appearance on the show? Do more people now recognize you?
Diggs: Yes, yes. I’m getting phone calls and it’s almost like I’m a celebrity. And I don’t want people to make a fuss over me. All the things I did I did from the heart. I really did. And I don’t want people to think I’m more than I am. I’m just a good Christian woman that believes in giving back.
And I do. God gives me help giving. That’s what I do. And I don’t want anything in return from anyone. You know, because I know what it means to not to have. I know what it means to go to bed hungry, with no food. Going to school with holes in your shoes. I know that. I know that feeling. I’ve been there. And I promised myself as a kid I would never live like this again. And when I got bold enough to leave home, I left home at 14, and I moved in with a drag queen. Damen was his name.
Blade: Did your appearance on the show change your life and your relationship with your sister?
Diggs: Yeah, yeah, it actually did. We are actually closer now than we’ve ever been. Because, like I said, I moved away from home early and I never went back. My parents had a problem with my lifestyle. They really did. My mom looked at me with such hatred. When I was old enough to say goodbye, I never looked back. And to come back around now in the last few years after Diane died, that’s when I came back here.
And at one point I stayed with my nephew Todd and his wife – but he got killed in a car accident. I couldn’t stay at his house anymore. So, then I called Jo and told her I need to get out of here. And without hesitating she came and picked me up and brought me to her home. And I’ve been here ever since.
Blade: Can you tell a little about when it came about and how you met your partner?
Diggs: We lived on 18th Avenue in condos. I just bought one. Hers was above mine. I bought the bottom one. When my brother came over, she was getting out of her car. She was driving a Vega. And I turned to my brother and I said – this is the God’s honest truth – I said Keith, that’s the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Just like that. And he started laughing. He said, girl you’re crazy. I said I know I’m crazy, Keith, but I’m telling you that woman right there is who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.
Blade: And when was that?
Diggs: It was 1980 actually. And then I started going to the laundry room to do my laundry. So I started talking to her. She said, ‘I’m not speaking to you.’ Isaid ‘why not?’ She said ‘because you’re nothing but a female gigolo.’ And I said I’m not dating anymore. I’m waiting for you. ‘No, you’re too fast for me.’ I said, ‘well, I’m not giving up.’
And I didn’t give up. So, I was playing an album one day and she knocked on the door and asked what I was playing, I think. I said you liked that. She said yeah. I said OK, I’ll bring it upstairs and we can listen to it together. So, when I went up there to her apartment that day and whenever I went up there, I never left.
Blade: So, your partner’s name was Diane?
Diggs: Yes, Ruth Diane Robinson. But she hated the name Ruth. So, the only people who called her Ruth were at work, the people she worked with. Everybody else called her Diane.
Blade: And how many years were you together?
Diggs: Forty. Forty years together
Blade: And where were you living with her most of the time?
Diggs: We lived in Hagerstown the longest, Hagerstown, Md. And so, if Diane hadn’t died I probably still would have been in our house in Hagerstown.
Blade: Can you tell me a little about what you were doing career wise during those years?
Diggs: I do computers. I used to do computers. And before that I cooked. I love to cook like my mom. And then I wanted to do something else. So, I taught myself computers. I taught myself how to build computers and stuff. So, then I got my own computer business called Ida One Computer Consulting. And so, we helped build computers for people.
Blade: Around when was this, in the 1980a or 1990s?
Diggs: Yes, in the 1980s. I think I stopped I would say around ’96, when I stopped. Because we both said we were going to retire at 55. And we did. We both retired at 55. And then she started diabetes. Every day I had to give her an injection because she was afraid of needles. She couldn’t give it to herself. So, I had to give her an injection every day One time, I don’t remember when, she had a mild stroke. And I had to take care of her. I’ve always taken care of her. And I don’t regret it. I never regretted it. It’s taking care of the one you love.
Blade: When was it that she passed away?
Diggs: In 2020. I found her on the kitchen floor.
Blade: How did your family and your extended family react to your relationship with Diane?
Diggs: Well, her family, oh my God, they hated me – her mother the worst. Because I put a stop to them treating her really bad. I told her mother – I said never in my life – my mother raised me well. Never disrespect someone’s mother. I said but this time I’m going to disrespect you because you are going to start treating Diane like you ought to. This is a wonderful woman and you and your son and you it’s always about your son. You never, ever say anything good about your daughter.
I said it isn’t going to happen again. You’re never going to disrespect her again. I said you take a damn good look at her because you’ll never see her again. I meant that. I grabbed Diane. I said it’s time to go. They don’t care about you.
Blade: Can you tell a little about your family?
Diggs: Yeah, I’m a triplet sister. So, it’s Dorriene, Chorine, and Chrissy — we are the triplets. So, my mom had a set of twins and a set of triplets within nine months. One of the twins died at birth. So, the other twin is Margaret.
Blade: So then how did your family react to you and Jo being on “Queer Eye”?
Diggs: Most of my family really had no problem with it.
Blade: Were you out to them?
Diggs: Oh yeah. I was never in the closet. I didn’t give a damn what people felt about me, sweetheart. I really didn’t. I didn’t care. Because I was going to be me. And for people who didn’t like it, I wasn’t living for them, I was living for me. I’ve always been out. I had a brother who was also gay, Marvin. God rest his soul, too. But he stayed in the closet. He was in the closet until he was about 55 years old.
But everything I said on the show was the truth – my account. The things that I went through with family … You can’t tell me how I felt. If they try to make mom and dad out as perfect, they weren’t perfect. They were the worst parents. That’s my account of it.
So yes, everything I said on that interview was the truth. That’s one thing people who know me know – I do not lie.
Blade: What are some of the things you like to do these days?
Diggs: I’m a sports lover. I love sports. So, my baseball season is getting ready to get started. Baseball is my favorite sport. Yes, I love baseball. I like the statistics of it. And watching the guys. I wish they had a women’s professional baseball team, honestly. … I’m a D.C. sports fan. The Wizards, the Nationals, the Mystics, the Caps. … And see, I’m a diehard Redskins fan and I refuse to call them the Commanders. They’re the Redskins. They will always be the Redskins to me. I love my sports teams.
Blade: Can you tell a little about the history of the house where you and Jo now live and where they did the filming of the “Queer Eye” show?
Diggs: Jo had a house on 17th Street, I think it was Northeast because it was over there by H Street, N.E. And I think somebody wanted to buy her house. I don’t know why she moved. So, she found this house. Because she wanted to buy something where she could buy a house straight out. She didn’t want a mortgage on another house.
Blade: What are your thoughts on being on the last season of “Queer Eye?”
Diggs: Yeah, we were the last ones. We took it out with a bang, me and Jo. That was it.
Blade: Can you say how you and Jo appearing on the show impacted your life?
Diggs: I don’t know. I’m the same person. I’ve been getting calls from people saying I saw you on the show. And friends who I haven’t seen in years have been calling. … So yeah, the show, people I haven’t seen and talked to in years have been calling. I think that’s a good thing.
a&e features
35 years after ‘Truth or Dare,’ Slam is still dancing
Salim Gauwloos on Madonna, HIV, and why he almost didn’t audition for Blond Ambition Tour
Most gay men of a certain age remember “the kiss.”
It was the moment Madonna’s dancers Salim Gauwloos and Gabriel Trupin locked lips in the hit 1991 documentary film “Truth or Dare,” which is celebrating its 35th anniversary this spring.
The kiss was hot, but what made it groundbreaking is that it appeared in a mainstream Hollywood movie that screened in suburban multiplexes across the country. This wasn’t an obscure art house film. The movie, and tour on which it was based, received months of breathless media attention all over the world for bold expressions of female empowerment and queer visibility. Madonna was threatened with arrest in Toronto for simulating masturbation on stage and Pope John Paul II urged Catholics to boycott the show, triggering a media firestorm.
“Truth or Dare” was billed as a behind-the-scenes documentary of the tour, but it quickly became clear that the real star of the show wasn’t Madonna, but rather her colorful troupe of seven backup dancers, six of whom identified as gay: Kevin Stea, Carlton Wilborn, Luis Xtravaganza Camacho, Jose Gutierez Xtravaganza, Gauwloos, and Trupin; Oliver Crumes III identifies as straight.
We saw them party and march in the New York City Pride parade. They were unabashedly queer at a dangerous time — before protease inhibitors began to stem the AIDS plague and before most celebrities and politicians embraced the gay community in any real way. Being out in 1991 carried major risks to career and reputation.
Enter Gauwloos, one of those brave dancers who vogued his way into the hearts of countless gay men entranced by his handsome looks, his stage presence, and dance skills.
Gauwloos — known then and now as “Slam”— sat down with the Blade to talk Madonna, the lasting impact of “Truth or Dare,” the public disclosure of his HIV status, and plans for a new book on his life.
His story is fascinating — from growing up in Europe to dancing in New York to landing the gig of a lifetime with Madonna. He performed on that tour while secretly HIV positive and went without medical treatment for 10 years because he was living in the United States as an undocumented immigrant. Not even Madonna knew of his HIV status. Two other dancers on the tour were also HIV positive but no one talked about it. Ironically, Madonna was singing “Express Yourself” and advocating for condom use during her concerts yet backstage three of her dancers were secretly positive.
“A lot of people were dying so I wasn’t going to tell Madonna I had HIV,” said Slam, now 57. “And the others didn’t either. It wasn’t the moment to do it. She used to make speeches about Keith Haring and AIDS and I thought it’s going to be me next.”
Gabriel Trupin died of AIDS in 1995. Slam was diagnosed at age 18 in 1987, a frightening time when a positive test result often meant a death sentence. He booked the “Blond Ambition Tour” at age 21 after moving to New York. His friends encouraged him to audition but Slam resisted because he wasn’t a big Madonna fan.
“It was crazy, everyone wanted that job,” he said, “but I wanted to dance with Janet Jackson and Paula Abdul.” He listened to his friends and shortly after the audition, Slam received a call from Madonna herself inviting him to join the tour.
“We all wanted to be stars but not even Madonna knew how big that tour would become. The way it was choreographed and directed, the stars aligned. … It never looks dated even today.”
The world tour kicked off in Japan in April 1990 then moved to the United States and Europe, stirring controversy wherever it went. There was the iconic cone bra; the aforementioned simulated masturbation during “Like a Virgin”; and religious imagery that offended many Catholic groups and the Vatican.
And the controversy didn’t end with the tour. Cameras were rolling throughout the tour for what Slam thought would be a “video memory” for Madonna. But as the tour unfolded, director Alek Keshishian reportedly became more interested in what was happening behind the scenes so plans for mere tour footage were expanded into a full documentary.
“We were young and partying and didn’t really know what was going on,” Slam said. “You live in this celebrity bubble and you sign a paper – I don’t even know what I signed.”
In 1992, Kevin, Oliver, and Gabriel sued Madonna for invasion of privacy and fraud claiming she used some footage without their consent. They claim they were told nothing would be included in the film that they didn’t want to be seen. In one specific incident, Gabriel alleged that he told producers he didn’t want the scene of him kissing Slam to be in the film as he wasn’t fully out.
“Gabriel was forcibly outed,” in the movie, Kevin said in a 2016 interview.
Slam did not join his colleagues in the lawsuit.
“I couldn’t sue because I was illegal but I wasn’t ever going to sue,” Slam said. “I’m not a suing kind of person. But good for them, they fought for it and won. A lot of people don’t have the balls to sue Madonna.” The suit was settled two years later for an undisclosed sum.
“We were all conflicted about the kiss,” he said with a laugh. “The kiss, oh my God, my boyfriend is going to kill me! Belgian stress!”
Beyond worrying about his boyfriend’s reaction, Slam had concerns about the impact of being openly gay on his modeling career.
“In 1990, you couldn’t get high fashion campaigns as an openly gay model,” he said. “I was worried about that. I couldn’t get a campaign because I was gay. My agency told me to say I was straight and it was just a game.”
In 2016, pegged to the 25th anniversary of “Truth or Dare,” the surviving six dancers filmed a documentary about their lives post-Madonna titled “Strike A Pose.” In it, Slam publicly revealed his HIV status for the first time in an emotional scene with his former colleagues.
“I found the strength to tell the world I have HIV,” he recalls. “I was scared but I felt brave. The outcome and messages were beautiful. After I saw ‘Strike A Pose,’ I knew we gave people hope. And not just for gay people.”
He was infected in 1987 but didn’t get treated until 1997. After the tour ended, he said he went into a depression and his agency dropped him.
“I was partying too much after the tour,” he recalls. “I made a decision to live as an illegal alien.” In 1997, Slam collapsed and was rushed to the hospital with pneumonia.
“They started treating me and thank God the new HIV drugs were out, the cocktails, it took me a couple months to get better.”
Madonna didn’t participate in “Strike A Pose” and Slam said he hasn’t seen or spoken to her since the end of the tour. He said he had no idea of the impact “Truth or Dare” would have.
“You look at this movie in 1991 and you don’t think it’s going to be such a big thing and 35 years later it’s still helping people,” he said. “It was helpful for people who felt alone at that time. It was such an important documentary.
“I don’t think younger gay people realize how important Madonna was to gay and queer visibility — she was a big part of it. We showed the world it’s OK to be gay and that was the great message of this movie.”
He noted that, decades later, many of his friends have transgender kids and that queer culture is represented in much of mainstream pop culture.
“It’s amazing how far we’ve come,” he said. “I know we’ll always be marginalized but we have come so far. I’m really proud of our community. The current nightmare will be over and I do believe that things will get better.”
Referencing President Trump’s attacks on the LGBTQ community and crackdown on immigration, Slam described the situation in the U.S. today as “sad.”
“Everything is such a mess,” he said. “Some of these people have lived here 30-40 years and they take you out of your home. I can’t even imagine. It breaks my heart. When I was illegal it was a different story.”
Slam met his husband, Facundo Gabba, who’s from Argentina, in 2000, and he helped him get a legal case together to win citizenship. He filed a case in 2001 and was told there was a 99 percent chance he wouldn’t be permitted to stay in the United States because they weren’t allowing HIV-positive immigrants to remain in the country. But he got his green card anyway in 2005 and became a U.S. citizen in 2012.
Today, Slam and Gabba live in Brooklyn, though they travel a lot because “I can’t take the cold.” The couple married in Argentina in 2010 and in the U.S. in 2016.
Slam is still dancing and working as a choreographer. He’s teaching at a contemporary dance festival in Vienna in July and even offers online lessons via Salimdans.com.
As a longtime HIV survivor, Slam is dedicated to a healthful lifestyle.
“You have to keep moving; when you move you stay healthy,” he says. “Dance heals everything. I do yoga, I eat healthy and clean as possible. I don’t watch much TV … I try to stay healthy and positive. If I absorb all of the negativity I would be sick.”
In addition to his ongoing work in dance and choreography, Slam is in the early stages of writing a book about his extraordinary life and pioneering career.
“I always knew I had a book inside of me. I want to talk about my HIV status. I know I can inspire more people. I want to tell even more secrets in the book; secrets are a poison so I want to tell everything.”
Among those secrets, he notes, is a desire to write about his strict Muslim father and the years he spent as an undocumented immigrant in America.
“Those are the things I want to talk about, the struggles. It’s a love story, hope and resilience. I know it will help people.”
As for his friends from the tour, Slam says he remains in contact with Gabriel’s mother and José Xtravaganza is his best friend. Baltimore’s Center Stage theater is currently developing a new musical about Xtravaganza’s life. And Slam said he occasionally talks to Oliver, though “he still can’t pronounce Sandra Bernhard’s name.”
At the end of our interview, Slam indulged a round a rapid fire questions:
• Favorite song to perform in the “Blond Ambition” tour? “Express Yourself.”
• Aside from Madonna, who was your favorite artist you worked with? Toni Braxton in “Aida” on Broadway.
• Favorite Madonna song? “Live to Tell”
• Favorite Madonna video? “Bedtime Stories”
• What’s more stressful: performing in a concert or performing on the VMAs? “Both, because we always had to be perfect.”
• Did you go to Madonna’s recent “Celebration” tour? “I didn’t see the show but I saw clips online.”
• What do you remember most about performing “Vogue” at the VMAs? “It was nerve-racking for them to flip those fans.”
• When was the last time you vogued? “I teach classes so a couple weeks ago.”
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