Walking down Kilbourne Place is like stepping into another world. The quiet street lined with row homes is a far cry from the hustle and bustle of Mount Pleasant Street. Mount Pleasant is a village within a city with a thriving El Salvadoran population, long-term residents, and newcomers such as myself. On any given day, Purple Patch is serving up sizzling plates of Sisig and the 43 bus is whizzing its way on its journey to the Kennedy Center. On Kilbourne Place, the sound of sizzling pork and the loud hum of the Metrobus can be heard. Within this little slice of serenity, there are three men that I’ve become acquainted with: Robert Rockerhousen, Jakob Efsen and Charles Winney.

On Aug. 18, 2022, my dear friend Courtney decided that it was a good idea to take a walk around the neighborhood after a long day’s work. As we took a right on Lamont Street to walk up Kilbourne, I decided to slow my pace and lag behind. When I caught up to Courtney, she was standing in front of 1755 Kilbourne Place staring at a patch of grass.

I looked down at what caught her eye. It was a headstone with the name Robert Rockershousen and the years 1959-1998 etched onto it. We both sat there and scratched our heads at this find. Without exchanging words, I stepped a couple of paces to the left and found Jakob Efsen and Charles Winney’s headstones. Courtney and I reconvened back at Robert’s stone and we started to exchange ideas about what these headstones could be.

My first thought was that these were trees planted as a memorial but Courtney reminded me that there were no trees. We said that these could be stones for beloved family pets but the names sounded too human. Getting caught up in trying to find out why headstones would be in this quiet neighborhood, we forgot the years that were etched into them. We both settled on the stones being a memorial for slaves since an enslaved burial ground was found not too far away in Adams Morgan. Now that the mosquitoes were biting at every inch of exposed skin, we settled on this rationale and walked away. Before leaving, I decided to snap a picture.

One glass of wine and a few hours later, I pulled out my phone and took a look at the headstone. The enslaved memorial theory was quickly discarded because I saw the year 1998 clear as day. Doing what most people in my age group do when we’re looking for information, I turned to the Internet. I posted on the r/washingtondc subreddit hoping to ask residents if they knew anything about these stones. The commenters on that post were as confused as I was. Knowing that I needed more information, I walked back down the street the following day and took pictures of Jakob and Charles’s stone. It was on this second trip back and actually paying attention to the stones that a thought started to form.

All three of the stones were in honor of men who passed away in the mid-to-late 1990s who were all under 50 years of age. I decided to take another shot at the Internet and back on the r/washingtondc subreddit I made a post soliciting the help of elders in the area’s LGBTQ community. As I was waiting for comments to roll in, I was anxiously checking my phone and refreshing the feed hoping that someone somewhere had answers. No one could say who, what, or when the stones were placed on Kilbourne Place but a few provided some valuable insight on the neighborhood and a few told me to check the Washington Blade’s obituary section with my library card. That night, I spent hours going through each issue in the 1998 archives until I landed on the Nov. 13, 1998 issue. There in black and white was Robert and his cause of death was listed as complications from AIDS.

I went back into the archives and started scrolling through 1996 until I got to July 26, 1996 where I found Charles. In black and white was the cause of death due to complications of AIDS. It took a while for me to find Jakob’s obituary but it was found through the NAMES Project AIDS Memorial Quilt. Even though his cause of death wasn’t explicitly listed as complications from AIDS on his obituary, I knew what that 3×6 panel represented. Here before me were three men who were gay and died from AIDS. At first, my looking into these headstones was something to satiate my curiosity. I was still relatively new to Mount Pleasant and I wanted to know every little thing about the place I now call home. I did not know that this undertaking would become deeply personal for me.

I didn’t fully embrace and accept myself until I turned 25. Growing up, I had conflicting feelings about my sexuality and identity. As young as elementary school I knew I had an attraction to girls and I preferred to present more masculine. Among my friend group, I preferred to be called Tee because Tiana never sounded right to my ears. It wasn’t until adolescence that I also realized I had an attraction to boys. Throughout my adolescent and early adult life, I had visible relationships with men and closeted relationships with women. It was already programmed that there was a “wrongness” within me. I was mocked for my tomboyish appearance. I couldn’t maintain friendships with other girls because they would be immediately labeled as dykes. In college, the dean of my sorority indicated that she would feel “uncomfortable” changing in front of me, implying that there is something inherently predatory about my sexuality.

The closet is where I stayed until June of 2022. Around that time, the walls of the closet started to close in on me and a change needed to happen. I chopped off all of my hair, threw away my feminine clothing, and became Tee again. While this newfound freedom was liberating, there was also a deep sense of regret. When I went to Pride that year I saw a beautiful and vibrant community. A community that I knew nothing about and was afraid of my whole life. Stumbling upon Robert, Charles, and Jake’s headstones as a newly out queer person allowed me an opportunity to learn about a community that I deprived myself of in favor of trying to be “normal.”

I immediately got to work researching everything I could about the men. No longer was finding out the person or entity that placed the headstones an important part of my research. The most important thing was telling the stories of these three men and the lives that they led. Jakob was the first of the three that I started researching. There was already quite a bit of information on him due to his quilt panel. On his panel, there was a pair of cowboy boots and three flags. The cowboy boots represented his love for square dancing. He was a proud member of DC Lambda Squares, which is the area’s LGBTQ square dancing group. DC Lambda Squares members made Jakob’s panel. The three flags represented places that were deeply personal to him. Denmark represents the place he was born. Sweden represents the nationality of his parents, and South Korea represents where Jake served and lived during his time in the PeaceCorps.

Jakob Efsen was born on Feb. 5, 1946 in Denmark. At some point in his childhood, he and his family relocated to Middletown Township, N.J., where he stayed until adulthood. Upon completion of university, he volunteered for the PeaceCorps where he served as a tuberculosis control volunteer in South Korea. In doing research about Jakob, I found a Facebook group of PeaceCorps volunteers who served in Korea. One of his friends, Neil Landreville with whom I had the pleasure speaking, was in K group 13 with Jakob between 1970-1972.

On June 23, 2023, I had the pleasure of speaking with Neil. Neil is now 77 years old and a retired HIV nurse living in New York City. He has a certain youthfulness and brightness to his voice that immediately endears you to him. We stayed on the phone for more than an hour talking about what he knew about Jake and trading stories of our careers in healthcare. Neil met Jake in San Jose where they were roommates for three days before PeaceCorps training in Hawaii. Neil first noticed that Jake was very tall and had an enthusiasm for life. He expressed that the people who knew Jake were immediately taken in by his generosity.

In the weeks they had to learn Korean and how to administer care to people with tuberculosis, Neil fondly remembers how Jake liked to take photos of flowers. Jake went on to become staff for PeaceCorps following the completion of his volunteer term. Being so inspired by the work he did in Korea, Jake came to the DMV area and worked as a tuberculosis case manager in Prince George’s County. Neil expressed that the same reason he worked in the Bronx during the height of the AIDS epidemic is the same reason Jake took on the job in Prince George’s County — he wanted to work directly with the people.

Another fascinating bit about Jake is that he liked to write letters to the editor in response to stories he read in the local newspaper. He was very vocal about his feelings on former Mayor Marion Barry during his drug scandal. He was also vocal about road safety and I have to believe he was passionate about it because he liked to ride his bicycle throughout the neighborhood. Another piece that spoke to me that I remembered when speaking to Neil is one from the Aug. 14, 1987 edition of The Washington Times. The piece was titled “AIDS: The Situation That the U.S. Faces.”

Six years into the AIDS epidemic, the crisis was being ignored by the government. Then-President Ronald Reagan did not mention the word AIDS publicly for years until after his Hollywood friend Rock Hudson came out as gay and revealed that he was living with AIDS. The government was so adamant about not mentioning AIDS that the topic was met with laughter and homophobic remarks in a 1982 press conference in which former Press Secretary Larry Speakes asked reporter Lester Kinsolving if he had AIDS. It wasn’t until the late 1980s when the AIDS death toll was nearing hundreds of thousands did the government expand funding for research and drug development.

In that time of governmental neglect, misinformation, and homophobia, Jake posed a challenge in his piece. He stated, “If Mr. Sobaran thinks the heterosexual population of this nation is safe from the AIDS infection, I suggest he study the incidence of genital herpes in the United States.” In talking with Neil, it was discovered that Jakob already knew he was HIV positive as early as 1990. Neil recounted a visit to D.C. to Jakob’s home where he stayed with his partner. He recalls Jake mentioning that he was taking Bactrim as a prophylactic for PCP (pneumocystis pneumonia). Even though Jake was living with HIV, he continued to work as a tuberculosis case manager all the way up until a couple of weeks before his passing.

Hearing that detail about Jake impressed and also flustered me. Tuberculosis is one of the many opportunistic infections for people living with compromised immune systems. I asked Neil if he was worried about Jake working such a job in his condition and he responded with “that was Jake.” Jakob died on June 5, 1995 with his long-term partner Bradford Jewett by his side. Neil went to the subsequent funeral service where he noticed that it was attended by a majority of his D.C. friends. Still not having any information on Charles and Robert and knowing that they were neighbors, I asked Neil if it would be OK if I sent him photos of Charles and Robert to see if he remembers them at Jake’s service. Unfortunately, he did not recall seeing them there.

Feeling at peace with what I found out about Jake, I started to look into Charles. Charles Winney was born on March 2, 1956 in Saratoga Springs, N.Y., where he lived until moving to Baltimore to attend Johns Hopkins University in 1974 to study to be a pharmacist. It’s unclear how far he made it at Hopkins because he eventually went to the Howard University School of Pharmacy to continue his studies. In looking into Charles’s background, I wanted to find a better photo other than the black and white one used for his obituary. I scoured The Bison (Howard University’s yearbook) looking for any indication of Charles but he wasn’t in there. I continued searching for anything that could lead me to a photo of Charles and a Google search of his name led to a resume.

The resume was for a pharmaceutical researcher based out of Kansas. In the section where he listed the people he mentored, Charles was one of his interns in the summer of 1986 and he was listed as a senior. I went back to the 1986 and 1987 issue of The Bison looking for a photo of him and again, there was no photo. It is unclear whether Charles completed his studies at Howard but he worked for the pharmacy at George Washington University Hospital before working at Fidia Pharmaceuticals before retiring on disability in 1993. Charles also worked in the healthcare industry. Unfortunately, not much is known about Charles at this point. I reached out for information to various people but none have yet to respond. Charles passed away on July 11, 1996, with his partner Larry Martin by his side.

While waiting for more information on Charles and Robert, I began to ponder a little bit more about Charles because just like me, he lived at the intersection of Blackness and queerness. That intersection was something that I had to reconcile within myself. In my community, it’s not uncommon to hear someone mention that homosexuality isn’t “African” or that homosexuality is an “agenda” being pushed by the white mainstream media to destroy the Black family structure. The thought that I struggled with through all these years was that by accepting my queerness, I too would be trading in my Blackness. The Black community is a community that had to build itself from the ground up. Through forced migration, we lost most of our native tongue, culture, and history. Some of those have been retained and passed down, which is evident in our music or cultural practices (i.e. jumping the broom at weddings) but it has been blended with the language, culture, and customs by the same people who kidnapped us from Africa.

Christianity was used as a way to instill subservience in slaves. Slave masters and captors frequently quoted Ephesians 6:5 to justify their complicity in bondage to human beings. “Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ,” the verse said. The Black church has become a pillar of the community and incubated the Civil Rights Movement. The Black church is also the same institution that uses Leviticus 20:13 to shun their very own. “If a man lieth with mankind as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination,” the verse says.

Even though the Black church is currently experiencing drops in attendance, not too many Black people are far removed from the influence the church has had on our people and unfortunately, homophobia has been one of its influences.

With this history in perspective, in certain parts of the Black community, queerness is viewed as giving into white supremacy where males are seen as giving up their masculinity for a more subservient, feminine position. The women are viewed as wanting to become men in order to escape gender-based oppression and only in finding the “right man,” will the woman return to her “natural” position. Being a Black gay man in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, I wonder how Charles navigated these social issues. For Charles to have been out and in a long-term relationship during those times is a testament to his bravery.

In the process of digging through public records trying to find Charles, an unexpected call came in. Neil forwarded my request for information on Jake to a fellow PeaceCorps friend, Susan Pawlowsky. While she did not know Jake, she does have a love for genealogy. I asked her if she could use her skills to help me find information on Charles and Robert. She agreed and in the information that she sent, she sent the information for Robert’s mother. Acting on faith, I penned a letter and dropped it in the mail to Mrs. Rockerhousen.

On July 1, 2023, I had the pleasure of speaking with Arleen Rockerhousen. I expected to answer questions about my motivations in wanting to know information about her but I was met with a surprisingly sweet and pleasant voice. I told her to tell me what Robert was like and the type of child that he was.

Robert Rockerhousen was born on Aug. 17, 1959 in Michigan. Mrs. Rockerhousen explained that he had a good group of friends growing up but she would often find Robert in his room studying maps. Robert had wanderlust and had wanted to see the world from an early age. This passion for travel was ignited even further when he got a job at a local AAA office in high school where he again was surrounded by maps. After high school, Robert went to the University of Michigan Ann Arbor where he had an internship with Victoria University in Toronto. He graduated with a bachelor’s degree in 1981. Upon completion of his undergraduate studies, Robert took whatever money he had and traveled around Europe until his money ran out.

When Robert came back to the states, he worked for American Express Travel Related Services until he eventually landed a job at the World Bank as a tariff specialist in Washington, D.C. Mrs. Rockerhousen was familiar with his group of friends in D.C. I found it quite funny when she mentioned that one of his friends was a cartographer due to his love of maps when he was younger. She also mentioned that she was familiar with Larry and Charles. In her recollection of events, she stated that the property on 1755 Kilbourne Place was not Robert’s primary residence. She stated that it was co-owned by him and his longtime friend John Koran. In a brief exchange with Mr. Koran, it was mentioned that he and Robert did indeed own and live on the property until Robert fell ill and eventually sold it to live with his partner Luis in the Shaw neighborhood.

Mrs. Rockerhousen mentioned that Robert, Charles, and Larry were very close and they enjoyed her cooking whenever she would come over. She mentioned that their favorite dish was her German lasagna. She isn’t quite sure how Robert, Charles, and Larry became friends but she remembers them very fondly. While listening to her reminisce about her son, I did not want to talk about HIV. I grew up in a post antiretroviral world due to being born in late 1996. I never knew a time when HIV was more than just a chronic manageable condition. In researching the AIDS epidemic to gain perspective on the times in which Robert, Charles, and Jake lived, just seeing footage and pictures was more than gutting in and of itself. I could not imagine being a parent and having to witness your child die before their time.

When the topic of HIV came up in regards to her son, Mrs. Rockerhousen spoke with poise and clarity. She mentioned that one of her biggest regrets when it came to Robert was that he couldn’t feel he could come out to her and their family. It wasn’t until Robert fell ill that he came out to them. Nevertheless, Mrs. Rockerhousen was very supportive of Robert and showed up when he needed her. On Nov. 6, 1998, Robert passed away at the age of 39 with his partner Luis Schunk by his side. Mrs. Rockerhousen mentioned that Charles’s partner Larry Martin held a wake for him inside of his house. I tried reaching out to Larry in order to find out more information on Charles, Robert, and if there was any connection to Jake but as of now there has been no response.

I still don’t know who placed those stones on Kilbourne Place and maybe I will never know. At first, I felt like Nancy Drew trying to unravel this mystery but when the lives of these three men unfolded in front of me, the mystery had to take a backseat. In front of me were three men who lived dynamic lives in spite of the AIDS epidemic. Robert, Charles, and Jake lived in their truths in a time when living in your truth could be met with scorn. Living in your truth meant having to witness the government neglect you as a virus was overtaking your community. Living in your truth meant watching friends and loved ones die but still finding community within each other.

When Mrs. Rockerhousen mentioned Larry having Robert’s wake in his own home, that touched me in a way that I could not imagine. It showed the love between friends and between members of a community. That is what these stones represent. Whoever placed these stones on this quiet stretch of street in the middle of Mount Pleasant loved Robert, Charles, and Jake enough to remember them where they felt the most comfortable. They were remembered in a place where they could be free without the prying eyes of the public. They were remembered at home, where the heart truly lives.