Middle East
‘This wedding is both defiance and pride’
IDF reservist married partner in Ein Yahav on Nov. 22
WDG is the Washington Blade’s media partner in Israel. This article ran on WDG’s website on Nov. 23.
Among dozens of reservists who became a family, with a spontaneous canopy at the B&B in Ein Yahav and refreshments donated with much love from Eilat businesses and residents, Adam Din and Ilan Cohen held their wedding ceremony Nov. 22.
“We did this wedding because it is important to us that the world knows that there is love even in the middle of the war and that we can celebrate love as well through it all,” said the couple.
Adam and Ilan’s wedding was scheduled to take place about two weeks ago on the beach between Ashdod and Nitzanim. The invitations were already prepared, but the terrible massacre on Oct. 7, and the war that broke out in its wake, postponed all their plans.
Ilan was immediately drafted into the reserves in the Gaza Division, leaving Adam alone at home. Nati Harosh, the couple’s best friend who was supposed to be the groomsman at the wedding, was also drafted into the reserves as a Givati Brigade fighter.
“We were supposed to get married on the beach,” says Adam, “The war postponed the wedding, and also took Nati.”
Adam and Ilan met a year and eight months ago.
“We met on Tinder, not for a serious purpose,” says Adam. “After we met, Ilan introduced me to a group of travelers from the gay community and we used to go on trips together. Over time we got to know each other more and more and in an organic and natural way we became together. It never had an official date.”
The short acquaintance was very significant for both of them.
“I was in the closet in front of the family before I met Ilan, and also childfree. And getting to know Ilan changed me completely,” says Adam. “I came out in front of my family and introduced them to Ilan, and I also decided that I wanted us to become parents together. My life changed thanks to him and we are really a family.”
The first friend Adam introduced to Ilan was Nati.
“Nati is a friend of mine from the time I lived in Jerusalem during my internship. We met through mutual friends and became very close friends. Nati was a giving person, like the meaning of his name Nathaniel. One of those people who were untouched by the cruelty of the world. Always ready to help. Doesn’t hold a grudge even when he is treated badly, and I would get angry for him and he wouldn’t get angry,” says Adam.
“Nati’s move from Jerusalem to Ramat Gan was one of the reasons that led us to move there as well, and since then we have been at each other’s house a lot on Shabbat,” he adds. “Nati came from a religious family, and he is liberal and open and loves every person regardless of who they are. And it was very clear and natural to me that he would be the one to accompany me on this significant occasion of mine. In the Utah wedding we held in Zoom, Nati was my witness, and we planned for him to be the groomsman in the wedding party.”
An April Fool’s prank that turned into a marriage proposal
Adam proposed to Ilan a few months ago.
“On April 1, we repeated one of our significant dates at the Saker Garden in Jerusalem,” says Adam, “Then Ilan knelt down as if he was going to propose to me and took out a Kinder egg. Kind of an April Fool’s prank. He thought it was funny. So I decided to get back at him and a few months later I also gave him a Kinder egg, only my Kinder egg had a ring in it.”
Three months ago, the two were married in a Utah wedding on Zoom in order to receive recognition as a couple who married abroad, with Nati accompanying them as a witness. They planned to hold the party itself at the beach between Ashdod and Nitzanim, at the exact place where Adam proposed to Ilan. About two months ago they returned to the place, found the perfect location for the wedding and we set a date.
But as mentioned, the events of Oct. 7 postponed the plans, and Ilan was drafted into the reserves.
“During his reserve service, Ilan saw horrible and terrible sights,” says Adam, “[It is] a horror that has no name, that gives him nightmares and scars his heart and soul. But when he comes home he comes to his shelter and his safe environment. Here he can get away for a moment from the horror outside. With the announcement of Nati’s death, the bereavement burst into our house, into our safe place.”
The two found out about Nati’s death through a news website.
One evening at the beginning of November, when Ilan was at home for a short break, a message about the death of a Givati Brigade soldier in Gaza popped up on his phone.
“He fell silent and went to the side,” Adam recalled. “His face went blank, the way it went blank when he remembered the terrible things he saw there. I asked him what he saw. He didn’t want to show me and started crying. I asked him again what happened and then he told me that Nati died. I didn’t believe him and then he showed me the news. I looked and couldn’t believe what I was reading. I saw Nati’s photo in the article and I said, ‘What idiots, they accidentally put a photo of Nati. What a mistake.'”
“I quickly called Nati to tell him to ask for the photo to be taken down so his family wouldn’t see it, but he didn’t answer,” he added. “Since then I send him WhatsApps all the time. Yesterday I sent him a selfie of us and wrote to him: Tomorrow I’m getting married, you’re invited.”
Many people will have to die for there to be equality
After Nati was killed, the two felt that the wedding was becoming more urgent. Ilan told the story of the wedding to his friends in the reserve battalion, and also told them about Nati, who was killed in the war.
“He told them that the wedding is now more urgent than ever, and that it is precisely now in this war that love should be celebrated, and his friends suggested that the wedding be held in the unit. Two days ago he came to me and asked: What are you doing on Wednesday? And I answered him that I was working. Then he asked me, do you want to get married? I told him yes and asked him if he was coming back from the reserves, and he told me: No. We will do it in the battalion.”
WDG: Did you felt complete with the choice?
ADAM: Ilan and his colleagues have been together for over a month. When I talk to him I hear them, and I hear him talking about them, they really became family. So although the wedding is spontaneous without my friends and family being able to come, it is being held with his family, who are actually the army and the friends from the reserves. And Nati will be there in spirit too. He died among soldiers, so we will feel his love among other soldiers who will be happy with us”
WDG: How does it feel to have a “military wedding”?
ADAM: This is not the wedding I expected, but I always told Ilan that I would marry him even inside a volcano. Everywhere. At the same time, this wedding has a lot of mixed emotions. This period is full of sadness and disappointment. The LGBTQ community is an equal partner in the national effort and the war, and its men and women do not receive equal status when they return home.
We could get married like everyone else but we have to do it in a crooked way with Zoom, and in no way, LGBTQ people are literally dead to protect us but no one counts them.
Ilan has been in service for a month and a half, and yet he had to find crooked ways to get married, feeling that he is worth less than other people, who don’t even join the army.
So for me this wedding is both defiance and pride. And this is the ambivalence. We feel a part and we sacrifice the most precious, and yet we don’t deserve to be married like everyone else and we are in a less good position. And yet we continue and get married in the middle of the war.”
WDG: Do you think that following this period, which highlights the gap between what we give to the state and what we receive, a change will come?
ADAM: For Sagi Golan’s law, Sagi had to die. Part of his mate is dead too, I guess. I do believe that we will have equal rights, I believe that many people will have to die for it.
WDG: What is it like to live when your partner is so far from home for such a long period of time?
ADAM: Since that terrible Saturday when he was called I have been sleeping on the sofa. I can’t sleep in bed without him. There are long periods when he is without reception on the phone and I am constantly refreshing the pages of the news sites, to see if anything has happened. And when he returns home afterwards there is a tremendous feeling of momentary relief and an opportunity to be together for a bit. Even though as a volunteer in the LGBTQ help line, even when he goes out to retire from the reserves, he takes a shift and volunteers remotely.”
The couple and WDG would like to thank WILLOW – Zimmer in Arava, for volunteering to host the ceremony.
District of Columbia
Bet Mishpachah welcomes release of last hostages from Gaza
President Donald Trump helped broker ceasefire between Israel, Hamas
Bet Mishpachah on Monday welcomed the release of the remaining hostages in the Gaza Strip as part of a ceasefire agreement that President Donald Trump helped broker.
“As we enter into the holy days of Shmini Atzeret and Simhat Torah, we are flooded with a mix of emotions,” said Jake Singer-Beilin, the Washington LGBTQ Jewish congregation’s chief rabbi, in a message to members. “The great joy of these holy days was smashed two years ago on Oct. 7, 2023. Hundreds were murdered on that day, and many — alive and dead — were taken hostage.”
“Today, as the last living hostages return back to Israel, we find great relief as well as pain for what has happened to them up to this point,” he added. “This year, we will celebrate with exuberance knowing that a ceasefire is holding, and that the captives have been redeemed. We will also hold within us the grief that we feel for Israelis and Palestinians who died on that day and since. With these swirling emotions, we offer thanks to the peacemakers and to the One who makes peace on high. We pray that peace will reign in the region, and that those who have endured so much will find healing and hope.”
The Israeli government says Hamas militants killed roughly 1,200 people on Oct. 7, including upwards of 360 partygoers at the Nova Music Festival near Re’im, a kibbutz that is a couple miles from the Gaza Strip, when it launched its surprise attack on the country. The militants also kidnapped more than 200 people.
(Washington Blade video by Michael K. Lavers)
The Hamas-controlled Gaza Health Ministry says Israeli forces have killed more than 67,000 people in the enclave since Oct. 7. Karim Khan, the International Criminal Court’s chief prosecutor, has said Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and former Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar, who the Israel Defense Forces killed last October, are among those who have committed war crimes and crimes against humanity in Gaza and Israel.
The Israeli government has strongly denied it has committed genocide in Gaza.
The ceasefire between Israel and Hamas took effect on Oct. 10.
The last 20 living hostages returned to Israel on Monday, while the Jewish State released 1,968 Palestinians who had been in Israeli prisons. Hamas on Monday released the bodies of four hostages who died while in captivity.
Trump, Egyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, and Qatari Emir Tamim bin Hamad Al Thani on Monday signed the ceasefire agreement in Sharm el-Sheikh, Egypt. Trump earlier in the day spoke at the Israeli Knesset in Jerusalem.
“This is the historic dawn of a new Middle East,” said Trump in his Knesset speech.
The ceasefire and its implementation remains tenuous, but one Israeli LGBTQ activist with whom the Washington Blade spoke on Monday celebrated the hostages’ return.
“Emotions are high and everyone is with their loved ones or celebrating in the streets,” they said. “It’s definitely a historic and joyful day for the Israeli people.”
Ga’ava, an LGBTQ group that is affiliated with the Toronto-based Center for Israel and Jewish Affairs, on its Instagram page proclaimed the “hostages are free, war is over.” A Wider Bridge — a group that “advocates for justice, counters LGBTQphobia, and fights antisemitism and other forms of hatred” — described Monday as “a joyful day.”
Comics
Lesbian comedian who performed in Saudi Arabia apologizes
Jessica Kirson invited to participate in Riyadh Comedy Festival
A lesbian comedian who performed at a comedy festival in Saudi Arabia has apologized.
Jessica Kirson joined Dave Chappelle, Pete Davidson, and dozens of other comedians who participated in the Riyadh Comedy Festival that began in the Saudi capital on Sept. 26 and is scheduled to end on Thursday.
Kirson performed on Sept. 29.
Saudi Arabia is among the countries in which consensual same-sex sexual relations remain punishable by death.
A U.S. intelligence report concluded Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman “likely approved” the murder of Jamal Khashoggi, a Washington Post columnist, inside the Saudi Consulate in Istanbul in 2018. The Saudi government has also faced criticism over the treatment of women, migrant workers, and other groups in the country.
“On Sept. 29, I performed at the Riyadh Comedy Festival. This decision has weighed heavily on my heart ever since,” said Kirson in an exclusive statement to The Hollywood Reporter. “I like to express my sincere regret for having performed under a government that continues to violate fundamental human rights.”
She said she was “surprised” as “an openly gay person” to receive an invitation to perform at the comedy festival.
“I requested a guarantee that I could be openly out as a lesbian on stage and perform gay material. I hoped that this could help LGBTQ+ people in Saudi Arabia feel seen and valued,” said Kirson. “I am grateful that I was able to do precisely that — to my knowledge, I am the first openly gay comic to talk about it on stage in Saudi Arabia. I received messages from attendees sharing how much it meant to them to participate in a gay-affirming event. At the same time, I deeply regret participating under the auspices of the Saudi government.”
Kirson in her statement to THR said she “donated the entirety of what I was paid to perform there to a human rights organization.”
She did not say how much the comedy festivals paid her, or the group to which she donated her fee.
“I made this decision because I want that money to go to an organization that can help combat these severe issues,” said Kirson.
THR notes Marc Maron, David Cross, and Atsuko Okatsuka are among the comedians who criticized the festival. Kirson in her statement said she respects her “fellow comics who have spoken out against” it.
“I recognize the concerns and criticism this has raised. I hope that this moment sparks dialogue about how we can use our platforms for good — to support people without a voice and to find ways to be less divided,” she said. “In the past, I’ve faced criticism for choices I’ve made, both on and off stage, and I rarely responded. This time, I felt I needed to speak up. I could not remain silent.”
Kirson ended her statement with an apology to her fans and others she has “hurt or disappointed.”
“I have a special relationship with my fans because of the vulnerable nature of my comedy and the trust they place in me as part of the queer community,” she said. “To my fans: I see you. I hear you. Your voice matters to me. I love you all, and I am genuinely sorry for making a poor decision that had repercussions I didn’t fully consider. I will take full responsibility for my actions and dedicate myself to making amends, so that my words and choices reflect the respect and care you deserve.”
The 2034 World Cup will take place in Saudi Arabia.
Qatar, which borders Saudi Arabia, hosted the 2022 World Cup. Consensual same-sex sexual relations remain punishable by death in the Middle East country.
President Donald Trump in May visited Qatar, Saudi Arabia, and the United Arab Emirates.
Israel
Activist recalls experience in Tel Aviv after Israel-Iran war began
Marty Rouse was part of Jewish Federations of North America Pride mission
A long-time activist who was in Israel last month when its war with Iran began has returned to D.C.
Marty Rouse traveled to Israel on June 6 with the Jewish Federations of North America. The 5-day mission ended the night before the annual Tel Aviv Pride parade was scheduled to take place.
Mission participants met with Israeli President Isaac Herzog and several LGBTQ activists in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. They visited the Western Wall, the Nova Music Festival site, and Nir Oz, a kibbutz in southern Israel that is less than a mile from the country’s border with the Gaza Strip. Mission participants also visited Sderot, a city that is roughly a mile from the Hamas-controlled enclave, a veterans rehabilitation facility, a new LGBTQ health center and the Aguda: The Association for LGBTQ Equality in Israel in Tel Aviv.
Hamas militants on Oct. 7, 2023, killed upwards of 360 partygoers and kidnapped dozens more at the music festival that was taking place at a campground near Re’im, a kibbutz that is roughly 10 miles southwest of Nir Oz. The militants killed or took hostage nearly a quarter of Nir Oz’s residents. They also took control of Sderot’s police station.
Tel Aviv Deputy Mayor Chen Arieli spoke at the mission’s closing party that took place at the Sheraton Grand, a hotel that overlooks Tel Aviv’s beachfront, on June 12.
Rouse and other mission participants planned to stay in Tel Aviv for the Pride parade, which was scheduled to take place the following day. He and Gordie Nathan, another mission participant who lives in Palm Springs, Calif., had checked into a nearby hotel that was less expensive.
“We said our farewells,” recalled Rouse when he spoke with the Washington Blade in D.C. on June 24. “We went to our hotels, and we get the warning, and then all hell broke loose.”
Israel early on June 13 launched airstrikes against Iran that targeted the country’s nuclear and military facilities.
Rouse said mission organizers told him and other participants who remained in Tel Aviv to meet at the Sheraton Grand for breakfast and dinner — Israel’s airspace was closed in anticipation of an Iranian counterattack, and authorities cancelled the Pride parade.
He said he went to bomb shelters at least twice a night for three nights.
Israel’s Home Front Command during the war typically issued warnings about 10 minutes ahead of an anticipated Iranian missile attack. Sirens then sounded 90 seconds before an expected strike.
Rouse and Nathan walked to the Sheraton Grand on June 13 when the Home Front Command issued a 10-minute warning. They reached the hotel in a couple of minutes, and staff directed them to the bomb shelter.
“You know to walk slowly, everything’s fine,” recalled Rouse. “You get 10 minutes, so everything was fine when the alarm goes off.”
Rouse described the Sheraton Grand shelter as “well lit” with WiFi, a television, and air conditioning. He was watching an Israeli television station’s live coverage of the Iranian missile attack when he saw one hit an apartment building in the Tel Aviv suburb of Ramat Gan.
A 74-year-old woman died and her boyfriend was seriously injured.
“I go over to look at the TV, just to watch,” recalled Rouse. “All of a sudden, you watch, and you see one bomb go and land and explode in Tel Aviv on TV. It landed and blew up.”
“I was like, okay, this is real, and so that was scary,” he added.
Rouse said the bomb shelter in the hotel where he and Nathan were staying after the mission ended was far less comfortable.
“It was dark. It was humid. It was hot. It was very uncomfortable,” said Rouse. “You really felt alone.”
Rouse and nearly everyone else on the mission who were in Tel Aviv when the war began left Israel on June 15. They boarded buses that took them to the Jordanian capital of Amman, which is a roughly 2 1/2-hour drive from Tel Aviv through the West Bank.
Rouse described the trip as “like a field trip” until they drove across the Jordan River and arrived at the Jordanian border crossing.
“You walk into this room, and instead of being in a well air-conditioned airport, you’re in this hot, humid, small place in the middle of the desert, packed with people, and those big, large, loud fans and pictures of military people on the walls,” he said. “It was almost like a Casablanca kind of feeling.”
Rouse said Jordanian authorities brought mission participants through customs in groups of 10. A Jewish Federations of North America liaison from Amman who previously worked as a tour guide for A Wider Bridge — a group that “advocates for justice, counters LGBTQphobia, and fights antisemitism and other forms of hatred” — went “behind closed doors” to ensure everyone was able to enter the country.
“It took a really long time,” Rouse told the Blade.
Mission participants arrived in Amman a short time later. They checked into their hotel and then had dinner at a restaurant.
“Now we feel like we’re safe and we’re in Amman,” recalled Rouse. “We’re sitting outside having a beautiful dinner.”
Iranian missiles passed over Amman shortly after Rouse and the other mission participants had begun to eat their dessert. They went inside the restaurant, and waited a few minutes before they boarded busses that brought them back to their hotel.
“No one was openly freaking out, which I was surprised by,” said Rouse.
The group was scheduled to fly from Amman to Cairo at 11 p.m. local time (4 p.m. ET) on June 16. They visited Jerash, an ancient city north of Amman, before their flight left Jordan.
“[The Jerash trip] actually took our minds off of everything,” said Rouse.
A Jewish Federations of North America contact met Rouse and the other mission participants at Cairo’s airport once their flight landed. Rouse arrived at JFK Airport in New York on June 17.
Trump-announced ceasefire ended 12-day war
President Donald Trump on June 23 announced a ceasefire that ended the 12-day war.
The U.S. three days earlier launched airstrikes that struck three Iranian nuclear sites. The ceasefire took effect hours after Iran launched missiles at a U.S. military base in Qatar.
Iran said the war killed more than 900 people in the country.
The Associated Press notes Iranian missiles killed 28 people in Israel. One of them destroyed Tel Aviv’s last gay bar on June 16.
The war took place less than two years after Oct. 7.
The Israeli government says Hamas militants on Oct. 7, 2023, killed roughly 1,200 people on that day when it launched its surprise attack on the country. The militants also kidnapped more than 200 people.
The Hamas-controlled Gaza Health Ministry says Israeli forces have killed nearly 55,000 people in the enclave since Oct. 7. Karim Khan, the International Criminal Court’s chief prosecutor, has said Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and former Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar, who the IDF killed last October, are among those who have committed war crimes and crimes against humanity in Gaza and Israel.
Rouse upon his return to the U.S. said he “was never as aware of the comfort of another human being than I was during that time.” Rouse affectionately called Nathan his “bomb shelter boyfriend” and even questioned the way he reacted to the missile alerts.
“He’s sitting on the edge of the bed and he goes, okay, I’m going to put on my socks and my shoes, and I say, really? You’re going to put on your socks,” Rouse told the Blade. “The fact that I was nervous, that putting on socks might have changed the direction of our lives, to me was like I can’t believe I said that to him.”
Rouse quickly added Nathan helped him remain calm.
“If I was by myself, those nights would have been long enough,” said Rouse. “It’s a totally different feeling to be with another human that you know than to be by yourself.”
Rouse also praised the Jewish Federations of North America.
“JFNA really sprung into action and started to figure out all options to get us all safely home,” said Rouse. “It was all about logistics. Staff worked around the clock identifying and then mobilizing to get us back to the states. It was a great team effort and I know I speak for everyone in expressing our deep appreciation for their dedication to getting us safely home.”
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