Living

A life in pictures

Rehoboth’s Tony Burns donates life’s work — 50,000 photos — to the community he loves

Published

16 years ago

May 20, 2010

Tony Burns with a few of the photo albums he donated to Camp Rehoboth's library. The collection spans 30 years in 70 albums and is comprised of more than 50,000 shots. (Photo by Murray Archibald; courtesy of Camp Rehoboth)

Tony Burns is a documenter and collector.

He has a mammoth music collection representing everything short of MP3s (he doesn’t do computers): 78s, 45s, CDs, 8 tracks and LPs. For 30 years he had two homes, one in Alexandria, Va., and another, where he now lives full-time, in Rehoboth Beach, Del. And there are two climate-controlled storage units.

But this isn’t a pack rat or hoarder-style compulsion — it’s all meticulously organized. It became a running joke with his friends when he downsized to one residence.

“People didn’t think I could do it,” Burns, who’s gay, says. “I took the furniture to a local auction. I mean if you can’t use it, you know. But there are 60 boxes of archives, all labeled, each with an index that went in the storage space, which is essentially the basement I don’t have for life. … And I’ve integrated some things here. I always like to think of myself as a historian and archivist but some might call me a pack rat. It just depends who’s doing the analyzing.”

Burns’ trademark, though, especially in Rehoboth, is his photography. He’s been shooting dinners and dances, protests and brunches — you name it — for 30 years. The Detroit native grew up with seven younger sisters and has spent decades taking shots of his siblings and 31 nieces and nephews. Though he spent his career working in Washington in the Department of Health and Human Services, photography was always his passion.

“All my life I’ve taken energy from interacting with people,” Burns says. “I guess it’s my love of history and archives and taking photographs really captures something that you can look back on and appreciate years later. And also I have found that people like to have remembrances of the different events that they participated in.”

Burns enjoys shocking people he bumps into at random and handing them photos out of a collection of about 600 shots he carts around with him. He always prints duplicates and tries to make sure everyone in his photos eventually gets a copy of his or her own.

“It’s fun surprising people. Almost like bird watching. You may not see somebody for several years and then all of a sudden you do. I don’t have a photographic memory, but I can remember the events people were at and even if I haven’t seen them for four or five years, I can pick out their photograph almost immediately.”

Steve Elkins, Camp Rehoboth’s executive director, says Burns’ memory is staggering.

“He always makes like six copies,” Elkins says. “One for his albums and one for everybody in the photo. And he just carries them around till he sees them. One of my first memories of him was in New York. I ran into him in Manhattan. He says, ‘Wait, I’ll be right back.’ He disappeared and came back with a photograph of me. He’s just got an encyclopedic memory for those things. He remembers everything. So and so lived in this house and he’s been with this person and his mother worked in the Clinton administration. It’s amazing.”

A reception in Burns’ honor will be held Saturday at Camp Rehoboth from 4 to 6 p.m. Burns has donated his vast photo collection — more than 50,000 photos in 70 leather albums — to the library at Camp Rehoboth. He donated money to have the library renovated and feels it’s an appropriate home for his shots, which have also run for years in Letters from Camp Rehoboth, the community center’s publication.

Each album is identified by month and the collection is arranged chronologically. Most of the events are from Washington or Rehoboth, but Burns has also shot in Baltimore, Philadelphia and New York over the years. They’re mostly gay events — Victory Fund brunches, Human Rights Campaign dinners, AIDS benefits and more — but Burns says the gay and straight communities are so merged in Rehoboth, he doesn’t make much of a distinction anymore.

Though he loves the D.C. area, he says Rehoboth is where he’s happiest. He says it’s become much more viable as a year-round community than when he first bought his beach house in 1977.

“It’s really the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow,” he says. “I think it’s the gay destination in the whole country.”

Burns, who’s had boyfriends at various times but is single now, avoided going digital for years but is now glad he did. He still doesn’t have a computer and prints out his digital photos in kiosks. He calls himself a “background person” and says that’s just where he’s happiest. He shuns social networking and had to be cajoled into agreeing to the reception.

“I just like to be in the background,” he says. “During my years in the Department, and I held some rather responsible positions, it just made me feel good to know I was enabling the secretary to look good and it’s just something I’ve always felt strongly about in my life. If you can contribute to somebody who really has talents to communicate with others in a much stronger fashion than you could yourself, I get satisfaction from that. And it’s always fun for there to be perhaps a little mystery. Today with Facebook and Twitter, it’s almost like ‘1984.’ You lose your mystique when your laundry is all there hanging out to dry.”

Reception for Tony Burns
Saturday, 4-6 p.m.
Camp Rehoboth Community Center
37 Baltimore Ave.
Rehoboth Beach, DE
camprehoboth.com

Advice

My federal worker husband is depressed and I don’t know how to help

I feel like he’s dragging me into his hopelessness

Published

2 days ago

December 4, 2025

Michael Radkowsky

(Photo by wombatzaa/Bigstock)

Dear Michael,

My husband is a federal worker. Many of his colleagues took “the fork” or have been fired. So work has been overwhelming. He usually works late. The morale in his office is terrible. His paycheck disappeared with the shutdown although due to the specifics of his job, he still had to go in. He’s gotten increasingly depressed, irritable, and short-tempered.

I met Jason 20 years ago when we were young, and one of the things that made me fall in love with him was his idealism. He came to Washington because he wanted to contribute to the well-being of our country.

When I look at him now, it’s like he’s been through the wringer. He’s lost his idealism, feels unappreciated by our country, and is becoming bitter.

He never wants to go out with friends. Either he doesn’t want to hear them complain about the same sorts of things he’s experiencing, or he doesn’t want to have to interact with people who are doing just fine, job-wise.

He also doesn’t feel like going out, just the two of us. So we’re home a lot. But we’re not spending time together when we’re at home. He’s surfing the internet, doom-scrolling, or playing video games.

I can’t get him to talk to me; he says, “I don’t want to talk about anything, it just makes me feel worse.” I can’t get him to do anything that might help him feel better. He doesn’t want to cook dinner with me, he doesn’t want to eat any of his favorite foods that I make for him, he won’t go for a walk with our dog (exercise is supposed to help mood, right?).

I’m really worried about him. Clearly, he’s depressed, and nothing I am trying is helping him to feel better.

But in addition, I am starting to get annoyed. How much more can I try to do things for him that he doesn’t respond to and doesn’t appreciate?

I’ve been OK through this long slog, so far, but now I feel like I am being sucked into his depression and hopelessness. I’m starting to feel like giving up. I’m lonely and I miss my husband and I am despairing that he’s ever really going to come back.

In short, now I hate my life, too.

I’m not going anywhere but I am worried that my main feeling toward him is starting to be apathy. Is there something I can do to help him that I haven’t thought of?

Michael replies:

I’m sorry, this is such a rough time.

It’s understandable that when someone you love is suffering and feeling miserable, you might at times get fed up and feel like pulling away.

There’s a great saying by an ancient Jewish sage, Rabbi Tarfon: While you can’t fix the whole world, that doesn’t mean you should give up and do nothing to help.

I thought of that saying as I read your letter, because while you can’t get Jason to change his mood or take action on his own behalf, you may have some ability to help him.

Similarly, while you can’t have a fantastic time in life when your husband is in a miserable place, you can take care of yourself and likely have a better life than you are having at present.

For starters, I encourage you to keep reminding yourself that this is without doubt one of the hardest periods of your husband’s life. So it’s a very good idea to have an open heart and a lot of compassion for Jason, as much of the time as you can. This won’t be easy. Strive to keep in mind that getting angry at Jason or frustrated with him won’t help.

Don’t try to insist that Jason do anything. Often, when we push someone to do something that they don’t want to do, this just results in their digging in more. People generally don’t like to be nagged.

Of course you can ask Jason if he’d like to join you for a walk, or an outing, but tread carefully. You can advocate for what you’d like, but Jason gets to decide what he wants to do.

You can certainly ask Jason what he would like from you, especially when he’s complaining. I love the “3 H’s” concept: Would he like you to hear (simply listen)? Would he like help (advice on what to do)? Or would he just like a hug?

The best message you can send to Jason, by your presence and by an ongoing loving stance, is “I am here. You’re not alone.” Even when he wants to stay in the basement playing video games. You’re not criticizing him and you’re not judging him. Maybe you’re baking some cookies you both like and leaving him a plateful to eat if and when he wants to. (Be sure to treat yourself to some, as well.)

In terms of bigger interventions, you can suggest that Jason meet with a therapist, or meet with his physician to discuss the possibility of an antidepressant to help him through this awful period. For example, you might have a sincere conversation where you say something like this:

“I’m worried about you. I really want to encourage you to get some help. My love for you can only go so far, and while I’m not going anywhere, I’d like you to take seriously how miserable you are. I’m here to encourage you that maybe you could feel better, even though your circumstances are terrible and you feel disillusioned.”

Again, trying to convince or force Jason to take action will likely go nowhere useful.

Now let’s focus on you. Living with a depressed spouse can be a miserable, soul-crushing experience. As you described, you’re watching the person you love suffer, and you’re pretty much losing your partner in so many of the things that make life enjoyable.

Part of getting through this is to acknowledge that there is a limit to what you can do for Jason. And part of it is to strengthen your commitment to self-care. Taking care of yourself may keep you from going too far into misery or resentment. He doesn’t want to get together with a friend? Consider going anyway, and do your best to have at least a good time. Same thing with a dog walk, a good meal, or sitting down to watch a movie you’d like to see. You might also consider meeting with a therapist for ongoing support and strategizing.

While this period of your life is gruelingly difficult, try to remember that it likely will come to an end, that there will likely be good times ahead for you and for Jason, and that in the meantime, doing your best to find ways to take care of yourself while also being a supportive and loving spouse will help you to survive.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

Real Estate

Tips for LGBTQ buyers, sellers during holidays

A powerful and overlooked window for real estate transactions

Published

5 days ago

November 30, 2025

Scott Helms

The holidays can be a powerful — and often overlooked — window for both buying and selling real estate. (Photo by monkeybusinessimages/Bigstock)

The holiday season is a magical time, filled with celebration, travel, connection, and reflection. It also happens to be a powerful — and often overlooked — window for both buying and selling real estate. For members of the LGBTQ+ community, shopping for a new home or preparing to list a property during the holidays comes with opportunities, challenges, and important considerations that deserve thoughtful attention.

Whether you’re preparing to make a move as a same-sex couple, searching for safe and affirming neighborhoods, or hoping to secure the best possible price for your home sale before the new year, the holidays can offer unique advantages. With an inclusive approach, LGBTQ+ friendly resources, and the right professional guidance, this season can be a strategic and rewarding time to take your next real estate step.

Below are actionable tips, insights, and resources specifically tailored to LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers navigating the holiday season.

Why the Holidays Can Be the Right Time

Lower Competition & Motivated Sellers

Because so many people put their real estate plans on pause during November and December, LGBTQ+ home buyers may see lower competition, fewer bidding wars, and sellers who are eager to close before January. This can bring real advantages for first-time gay home buyers or same-sex couples seeking more favorable negotiating terms.

Buyers Are More Serious

If you’re selling your home as an LGBTQ+ individual, remember: holiday buyers tend to be more intentional, financially prepared, and timeline-driven. This can make the sale process smoother.

Holiday Appeal Helps Homes Show Better

Warm lighting, seasonal décor, and neighborhood festivities can enhance curb appeal and emotional impact — which can be especially valuable when selling your home.

Tip #1: Choose LGBTQ-Friendly Representation

Above all else: work with a professional who understands the LGBTQ+ community and the unique concerns LGBTQ+ clients have.

This means choosing:

a gay realtor
a lesbian realtor
an LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agent

Agents who are part of, or deeply familiar with, the LGBTQ+ community can make a tremendous difference in safety, comfort, and confidence throughout the transaction.

For more than 30 years, GayRealEstate.com has been the trusted leader in LGBTQ+ real estate, providing LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers access to:

verified LGBTQ+ real estate agents
same-sex couple home buying experts
LGBTQ+ friendly realtors near you
agents experienced in discrimination-related protections
LGBTQ+ relocation specialists

Whether you’re buying or selling, this starts you on the right path.

Tip #2: Focus on LGBTQ-Friendly Neighborhoods

If you’re buying a home during the holidays, make researching neighborhoods a top priority.

Look for areas known for:

Inclusion & diversity
Active local LGBTQ+ groups
Gay-friendly businesses
Visible LGBTQ+ community presence
Supportive schools & services
Pride events & alliances

Searching online helps — but talking with an LGBTQ+ friendly realtor who knows these neighborhoods firsthand is invaluable.

Also search:

LGBTQ+ crime statistics
local anti-discrimination policies
protections against housing discrimination
hate crime data
political climate
HOA regulations

Your home should feel safe year-round, not just festive in December.

Tip #3: Know Your Legal Protections

Housing discrimination still exists — and LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers must remain vigilant.

While federal protections exist through the Fair Housing Act (as interpreted to include sexual orientation and gender identity), not all states provide equal protection.

Know your rights around:

Mortgage discrimination
Rental screening discrimination
Sellers refusing offers from LGBTQ+ buyers
HOA discrimination
Harassment after move-in

Your agent should be able to assist — but GayRealEstate.com also offers educational guidance and resources for navigating LGBTQ+ legal protections in real estate

Tip #4: Navigate the Emotional Side

For LGBTQ+ buyers and sellers, the holidays can stir up complex feelings:

family dynamics
financial pressure
expectations around marriage or partnership
relocation stress
memories tied to a home

Be patient with yourself.

Buying or selling a home is life-changing — honor the emotional journey as much as the financial one.

Tip #5: Take Advantage of Holiday Cost Savings

Buying?

Lower interest rates may appear around December
Contractors often discount home inspections & repairs this time of year
Movers run holiday promotions

Selling?

Minor seasonal upgrades help tremendously:
- warm lighting
- new evergreen planters
- festive front door accents
Be careful not to over-decorate — buyers need to see the space clearly

And yes — holiday cookies help.

Tip #6: If You’re Relocating — Plan Ahead

Many LGBTQ+ buyers relocate during the holidays to:

be closer to family
move in with a partner
begin a new job in the new year

If you’re relocating as an LGBTQ+ couple or family:

research local LGBTQ+ resources
connect with local LGBTQ+ organizations
ask your gay real estate agent about local LGBTQ+ clubs, groups, and services
evaluate long-term safety for LGBTQ+ families

Plan early — December moves get booked fast.

Tip #7: Use Trusted LGBTQ Real Estate Resources

The most important resource of all:

GayRealEstate.com — the #1 dedicated LGBTQ+ real estate resource for over 30 years.

On GayRealEstate.com, you can find:

LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agents nationwide
Verified gay and lesbian Realtors
LGBTQ+ real estate market information
Same-sex couple home buying guidance
LGBTQ+ real estate services
Gay and lesbian friendly neighborhoods
Relocation tools
LGBTQ+ home buyer & seller education

No other site offers this level of specialization, expertise, or community connection.

The holidays are more than just a season of celebration — they’re also a meaningful opportunity for LGBTQ+ home ownership, real estate transitions, and new beginnings. Whether you’re a first-time gay home buyer, a same-sex couple selling a home, or an LGBTQ+ family preparing to relocate, you deserve an experience grounded in respect, inclusion, and safety.

With the right preparation — and the right LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agent — your journey can be rewarding, affirming, and filled with new possibilities for the year ahead.

To find an LGBTQ+ real estate agent who understands your needs, visit GayRealEstate.com, the trusted leader in LGBTQ+ real estate services, resources, and representation for over three decades.

Scott Helms is president and owner of Gayrealestate.com.

Autos

Revving up the holidays with auto-themed gifts

Lamps, mugs, headphones, and more for everyone on your list

Published

2 weeks ago

November 23, 2025

Joe Phillips

Here’s how to shift your holidays into high gear.

Bentley Bottle Stopper

Pop your cork—in a good way—with a Bentley bottle stopper ($106), made of zinc alloy with chrome plating and rubber rings. The classy design is inspired by the automaker’s iconic “Flying B” mascot from 1930.

Subaru Motorsports Counter Stool

Belly up to the bar with the Subaru Motorsports Counter Stool ($175). The 30-inch-tall metal chair—with padded vinyl cover and automaker logo—is lightweight and swivels 360 degrees.

BMW Luxe Luggage

You won’t have trouble spotting this chic khaki-green BMW M Boardcase ($307) at airport baggage carousels. The high-performance “M” logo is etched on the durable polycarbonate casing, as well as on the main compartment zipper and all four of the sturdy double wheels. Comes with recycled lining, along with laundry and shoe bags.

Ford Yoga Gym Bag

The Ford Yoga Gym Bag ($15) has a wide handle and button strap to securely carry a yoga mat, as well as convenient pockets to stow water bottles and shoes. Made of black polyester, with reflective silver Ford logo. (Yoga mat not included.)

Kia Mini Lamp with Speaker/Sound

It doesn’t get much more Zen than a Kia Mini Lamp with Speaker and Sound Machine ($50). Made of bamboo, sturdy plastic and a fabric grill, the tiny wireless lamp has LED lighting with three settings. Pair with your phone to choose from eight soothing sounds: brook noise, bird chirp, forest bird, white bird, ocean wave, rainy day, wind and fireside.

Lexus Green Pro Set

Practice makes perfect with the Lexus Green Pro Set ($257), a putting mat with “train-track markings” to help improve any golfer’s alignment. Lexus logo on the wood frame with automatic ball return.

Lamborghini Wireless Headphones

Turn on, tune in, drop out—well, at least at the end of a hectic day—with these Lamborghini Wireless MW75 Headphones by Master & Dynamic ($901). Batteries last up to 32 hours or up to 28 hours in active noise-canceling mode.

BMW Quatro Slim Travel Tumbler

The BMW Quatro Slim Travel Tumbler ($23) lives up to its name: sleek, smooth and scratch-resistant. Comes with leak-proof lid and non-spill design.

Ford Vintage Mustang Ceramic Mug

Giddy-up each morning with the Ford Vintage Mustang Ceramic Mug ($29). With cool blue stripes, the 14-ounce mug features a silver handle and iconic pony emblem.

My First Lamborghini by Clementoni

Proving it’s never too early to drive an exotic car, My First Lamborghini by Clementoni ($62) is for children ages two- to four-years old. Kids can activate the remote-control car by pressing the button on the roof or by using the remote. This Lambo certainly is less expensive than an entry-level Huracan, which starts at $250,000.

Rolls-Royce Cameo

For adults looking for their own pint-sized luxury ride, there’s the Rolls-Royce Cameo ($5,500). Touted as a piece of art rather than a toy, this miniature collectible is made from the same solid oak and polished aluminum used in a real Rolls. As with those cars, this one even has self-leveling wheel-center caps (which operate independently of the hubcaps so that the RR logo is always in the upright position).

Maserati Notebook

For those of us who still love the art of writing, the Maserati MC20 Sketch Note ($11) is an elegant notebook with 48 sheets of high-quality paper. The front and back covers feature stylish sketches of the interior of a Maserati MC20 supercar and the Maserati logo. Comes with saddle-stitched binding using black thread.

Dodge Demon Dog Collar

If your pooch is more Fluffy-kins and less the guard dog you sometimes need it to be, then there’s the Dodge Demon Seatbelt Buckle Dog Collar ($30). Made of steel and high-density polyester with a tiny seatbelt-buckle clasp, the collar is emblazoned with devilish Dodge Demon logos.