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Join Mayor Gray and the Blade on June 2

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On Thursday, June 2 at 5:30 p.m. join the Washington Blade for a “Conversation with the Mayor” at City Hall. We will have the chance to hear Mayor Gray talk about his commitment to the LGBT community and how he sees us as a part of his “One City” vision. Blade editor Kevin Naff will pose questions to the mayor to solicit his views and proposed policies as he implements that vision for the people of the District.

Despite some early missteps it appears the mayor is moving the city forward. I think it is important to look at what the mayor talked about during his campaign and then judge for yourself what is actually happening within the administration. It may not be fast enough for some and there is the lingering distrust over the mistakes made and who is actually advising him, but no one can deny that the mayor is keeping an absolutely grueling schedule of work and appearances and dealing with many of the critical issues facing our city. He presented an on-time and balanced budget to the Council. He is being well received across the city at every meeting and discussion whether it is was the Ward by Ward budget town halls or at the myriad of events he has attended and spoken at in the nearly five months he has been mayor.

While some skeptics, including the Washington Post, wondered how he would be received on Capitol Hill after being arrested and leading some demonstrations against the Congress, the mayor came away from the first hearing on his budget with a surprise commitment from Republican Chairman Issa (R-Calif.) to look at providing some form of limited budget autonomy and ensuring that the city will not be caught up in another federal government shut-down. The Washington Post felt that only merited a page three Metro story, but most others agree that it has the potential to be a big step forward.

The most visible difference between Vince Gray and our last two mayors is that he actually enjoys spending time with and talking to people. He is well informed about so many issues that he consistently impresses with his ability to discuss in detail the most arcane subjects and how they impact government and various constituencies. The general consensus is that he is the most knowledgeable person in the Wilson Building. Following is an example of the grueling schedule he keeps:

April 8, 2011, was the day Congress threatened to close the federal government and shut down the District government as well. The mayor was up early as usual. His public schedule began at 10:30 a.m. with remarks at a groundbreaking for new townhomes in Southeast. Among some of the other listed events on his calendar were desk time, emergency meetings with agency heads and a meeting with his Education Transition team at 3 p.m. to present and discuss their final transition report. I was part of that team and as the day wore on was sure the mayor would cancel the meeting due to the threatened shutdown. But the meeting began at 3:15 with the mayor there in mind and body despite everything else that was happening.

Issues including general school reform, special education, charter schools, and the IMPACT teacher evaluation system were discussed and the mayor was clearly up to speed on each. He knew in detail how much money other cities were allocating to charter schools for facilities, the number of children in special education programs now and how many were anticipated to enter in coming years and issues involving parental involvement in the schools. His knowledge base was impressive and he wasn’t averse to disagreeing with members of the transition team but did so in a way that left everyone with the feeling that he understood their point of view and respected it.

He left the meeting at 4:15 to lead a cabinet meeting finalizing plans for shutting down the government. As he left he asked if I was going to the Capital Area Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (CAGLCC) dinner that evening. I said I was and he said he would see me there. I was sure that he wouldn’t manage that if the government really was going to shut down.

How wrong I was. He directed his cabinet on final preparations for shutting down the government and responded to numerous media requests speaking eloquently about how outrageous it was that the city was being treated like another federal agency in this shutdown. He then kept to his evening pubic schedule along with various emergency meetings and calls.

I left the dinner at 10:15 p.m. as they were just beginning to present their awards. Someone needs to come up with a way to shorten these types of dinners so that events that begin at 6:30 p.m. don’t end up with dinner being served close to 10 p.m. As I walked into my apartment I received a text from someone at the dinner. The mayor had arrived close to 10:45 p.m. and made a great and well-received speech. As he was speaking the news broke that an agreement had been reached by Congress and the president to keep the government open. At 11:15 the mayor began a round of press calls dealing with the rumors, which turned out to be true, that part of that deal to keep the government open foisted education vouchers on the District and prohibited the District from spending its own funds on legal abortions for poor women — something 17 other states do without any interference from Congress.

In discussions with staff before he got home around midnight he was already thinking about and planning the next phase of what has been a strong response from District residents and officials, with leadership from DC Vote, to fight this Congress’ efforts to whittle away at home rule for the District’s 600,000 residents.

While investigations will continue, as they should, to make sure nothing illegal happened concerning the hiring of Sulaimon Brown, Mayor Gray is moving the city forward and doing what we elected him to do. Along with a balanced budget we have seen major expansion of the bike sharing program, continued movement on improving government operations, qualified people being recommended and placed on boards and commissions and continued forward momentum on Education Reform. There is much more to do and the mayor needs to make a decision on a permanent Chief of Staff and other agency personnel but despite some naysayers the government is moving forward.

To hear directly from the mayor, make plans to join him and the Blade on June, 2 at City Hall to find out what his plans for the future are and how he sees the LGBT community being a part of that future.

If you require accommodations to participate in this event, please inform The District of Columbia Office of Disability Rights at 202-724-5055.

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Commentary

Sexting with younger guy has me asking: How queer am I?

Reflections on LGBTQ life in 2024

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Jake Stewart is a recovering Hill staffer based in D.C. In addition to writing, he barbacks at the Little Gay Pub."

Once upon a time, not all that long ago, a man sexted another man. 

There were words. There were pictures. There were filthy questions and even filthier responses. You know, the way a good sexting convo ought to be, for those who dabble. 

One man was 33. The other, 24. And while it comes as no shock that I was the 33-year-old, it may be more surprising to learn it was the 24-year-old who grabbed the reins. 

What kinks you into? he asked. 

Shit – I didn’t know. I barely even bottomed before the pandemic, and now I had to know my kinks? 

I’m open, I replied, evasively. You? 

His response left me coughing: “Love musk sweat ws public group rough bb verbal bate edge roleplay and very open-minded.” 

Now I’m no prude (in fact, many would call me a downright whore) but this young man articulating his kinks and fetishes in such detail blew my mind. When did he learn what he liked? At 24, all I wanted was to top a guy and leave with as little communication or attachment as possible. At 33, I wasn’t sure what a few of the items he listed even meant.  

Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised when young men — and the younger generation across the LGBTQ spectrum in general — have already figured out their sexual interests. I arrived in D.C. from Idaho in 2008 as a fresh-faced 18-year-old; I came out three years later in 2011. Attitudes toward queerness have shifted substantially since then, and these days it is undeniably easier for younger people to explore their sexual and gender identities (which, by the way, is fantastic). 

But this conversation left me wondering: What do I like? I haven’t sought out that many new sexual experiences, and while fetishes, kinks, and sexual desires can seem trivial, they’re inextricably intertwined with gender and relationships. If I can’t articulate what I like in the sack (or in public, if I dare), then how do I know what I’m seeking from a long-term partner, or if that’s even what I want? 

As soon as I came out, I thought my job was done. All I needed after that was to snatch up a cutie and settle down. Instead, my identity centered on building my career in politics, where sexual openness isn’t as appreciated. I, like many D.C. queers around me, moved here bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and ready to change the world for good. 

Then came a tough lesson: Just because I wanted to improve the world didn’t mean people wanted me to. I was inexplicably fired from not one job but two, and suddenly the do-gooder in me grew jaded. The career I dedicated years to was suddenly ripped from my hands, and I became so disillusioned I didn’t even want it back. Oh, and the cherry on top: My boyfriend dumped me two days later. 

Once everything unraveled, I wondered: Was the me of the past the me I truly wanted? Or was I reflecting back what I thought everyone wanted me to be? 

Well, a few major meltdowns and an extended slut phase later, my life couldn’t be more different. I now work at a new gay bar in town to support myself, and I’ve given myself space to pursue the arts. This former straight-laced, type-A, tightly wound gay abandoned the safe track and he couldn’t be more terrified. He also couldn’t be more excited. 

But losing my old career also left an existential-sized hole in my identity. So, as I sexted this 24-year-old with newfound awareness of my limitations, I decided this must change. 

How? As I said, I work at a gay bar in one of the queerest cities in America. Now more than ever I’m surrounded by those who are LGBTQ and every shade in between. Why not learn from those around me, whether younger, older, or around the same age, but whose experiences are no less queer? Why not carve out time to have in-depth discussions and discover what the possibilities are? 

If being queer means to go against the established norms of gender and sexuality, then there’s still plenty of territory for me to explore. No longer can ‘bottom’ or ‘top’ be my only options. 

So, the purpose of this column – aptly titled Queer Quest – is to capture my exploration of queer identity. It’s not to teach you as much as it is to teach myself, and you can either learn alongside me or simply be entertained. At the very least, I’ll have a series of portraits on what it’s like to be queer in the mid 2020s. At most, I’ll have a better understanding of who I am as a queer person. 

Then maybe, just maybe, I’ll become a better sexter. 

Jake Stewart is a D.C.-based writer.

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Commentary

What will you do to make Pride safe this year?

Anxiety reigns among American Jews after Oct. 7

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(Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Each year, hundreds of thousands of Jews and supporters of Israel attend Pride marches. With a few exceptions, these spaces have always been safe and welcoming for the broader Pride community. 

But this year is different. 

For American Jews, anxiety reigns as we head into this Pride season. The appalling rise of antisemitism since Oct. 7 forces us to ask difficult questions. As many Jews increasingly feel alienated and excluded from progressive spaces, we’re left to wonder: If I wear a Jewish symbol, march with a Jewish group, or wave a rainbow flag adorned with the Star of David, will I be safe at Pride?

Even before Oct. 7, LGBTQ Jews had plenty of reason to feel trepidation about their safety at Pride. From blanket bans on Stars of David at past Pride gatherings to antisemitism on display at the recent Sydney Pride, too often Jews feel forced to choose between their LGBTQ and Jewish identities and hide their connection to Israel.

Since Oct. 7, terms like “apartheid,” “genocide” and “Zionism equals racism” are increasingly thrown around casually, often without a nuanced understanding of their impact or the realities they oversimplify. This rhetoric not only alienates but also endangers Jewish queer people. It makes us feel emotionally unsafe. It increases the chances that we will be physically unsafe as well. 

We must not allow the Israel-Palestine conflict to be imported into Pride.

I will always remember the euphoria of the first Pride rally I attended. I was barely 18 years old, in a crowd of people of all ages, races, genders and gender orientations — and they were like me. Queer. It felt safe. It was the first time I experienced that feeling of safety, and it will always stay with me. 

Like Pride events everywhere, it was a vibrant, colorful space for LGBTQ people to celebrate our true authentic selves, without fear or reservation.

But that feeling of safety wasn’t shared by everyone in my small New England town. I soon noticed a few people scattered throughout the crowd wearing paper bags over their heads, with eye holes so they could see but not be seen. I later learned that those faceless people were teachers who, in those days before civil rights protections, needed to protect their identities and their careers. 

They did not feel safe. Will Jews and those who are connected to Israel feel safe this year?

The history of Pride is a testament to courage in the face of adversity. It wasn’t long ago when attending Pride events was a defiant act against societal norms, where participants like those teachers faced tangible threats of discrimination, ridicule and even violence. Even today in some places, our queer community still navigates a gauntlet of hatred as we try to celebrate who we are.

It’s crucial to recognize that within the Jewish community, there is a wide spectrum of views on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, including many who are deeply committed to advocating for Palestinian rights. In fact, many of the 1,200 innocent Israelis murdered on Oct. 7 were Zionists who devoted their lives to reconciliation and peace with their Arab neighbors.

We are at a pivotal moment, one that demands action: What can we do to ensure Pride remains a safe space for everyone, including Jewish participants?

It’s imperative that Pride committees around the country proactively address these concerns. They must implement training programs focused on de-escalation and fostering an environment of understanding and respect.

As individuals who stand in solidarity with the values of Pride, each of us must consider our role in this effort. Will you march alongside those of us who feel vulnerable, offering your presence as a shield against intolerance? Will you engage in dialogues that challenge the importation of external conflicts into Pride, advocating instead for a celebration that unites rather than divides?

The true test of inclusivity at Pride lies not merely in welcoming a diverse crowd, but in ensuring that every participant feels safe and valued. If we remain indifferent to the vulnerabilities faced by Jewish queer people this Pride season, we will fall short of the very ideals of inclusivity and solidarity that Pride stands for.

Just as we expect schools to protect trans and nonbinary students like Nex Benedict, we have a responsibility in the LGBTQ community to ensure that people can carry an Israeli flag or a Palestinian flag, wear a yarmulke or a hijab and be safe.

As we look forward to this year’s Pride, let us commit to making it a space where safety is not a privilege afforded to some but a right enjoyed by all. Let’s engage with our local Pride committees, advocate for comprehensive safety measures and stand in solidarity with those who feel at risk. 

Only then can we celebrate the true spirit of Pride, rooted in love, acceptance and the unwavering belief in equality for all.

Ethan Felson is the executive director of A Wider Bridge.

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How to protect your sobriety on St. Patrick’s Day

Celebrate with a supportive friend and carry a mocktail

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Sobriety can be challenging, whether you overcame alcohol or drug addiction or chose to abstain from alcohol for a healthier life. Holidays like St. Patrick’s Day can serve as a reminder of the past or could be looked at as another day. 

Many celebrate St. Patrick’s Day sober, as there are generally family-friendly gatherings, community events, or even sober celebrations. If you have concerns about your sobriety, there are practical tips you can use to protect it on St. Patrick’s Day. 

For instance, remind yourself why you are sober, and don’t do it alone. You can still have fun and celebrate but do it with other sober people. Everyone has their reasons for stopping drinking; remind yourself of those reasons and hold yourself accountable.  

Know your triggers; it doesn’t matter if you are a recovering addict or have removed alcohol from your life. Be cautious around possible triggers that pose a challenge. Most people in this situation choose to skip the bar and find something fun to do or go to a sober St. Patrick’s Day celebration. 

Keep a non-alcoholic drink or mocktail in your hand. People will not bother you to ask if you want a drink if you already have something to sip on, like a mocktail. This also leads to planning how to say no. You will encounter social pressure if you go to a bar on St. Patrick’s Day. It’s unavoidable. It’s wise to practice ways to refuse alcohol. 

Finally, if all else fails, take a walk outside if you feel overwhelmed. The most straightforward solutions are usually the best. Remove yourself from any situation you know will lead to relapse. This is also why it’s essential to be with a sober friend or loved one; there is accountability and someone to lean on.

The benefits of being sober are plentiful, along with the numerous health perks, such as better quality sleep, more mental alertness, and lessened anxiety or depression. Yet, there is one benefit that is not necessarily always spoken about. 

Being sober on St. Patrick’s Day or any day removes all chances of impaired driving. Unfortunately, days that promote heavy alcohol use may increase the chances of drunk or drugged driving. For example, in Washington State, impaired driving has been involved in roughly half of fatal crashes for decades. In 2022, 52% of traffic fatalities involved an impaired driver, according to the Traffic Safety Commission. 

Moreover, drivers ages 21 to 30 make up one-third of impaired drivers in fatal crashes, and another 20% are ages 31 to 40. If you are celebrating St. Patrick’s Day sober, take the necessary precautions and look out for one another. If you choose to consume alcohol, drink responsibly, know your limits, and do not drink and drive.

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