Living
From the archives: Gays among heroes, victims of Sept. 11
Our archives piece profiling many of the LGBT dead found in the 5th anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks issue.
This piece ran in the Blade’s five-year anniversary issue in September 2006. It lists some of the known LGBT victims of the Sept. 11 attacks and shows that families of all types were affected by the terrible events of that tragic day. It also shows that many of the 9/11 heroes who saved countless lives were lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender.
RENEE BARRETT-ARJUNE
Irvington, N.J.
Renee Barrett-Arjune, 41, was working in One World Trade Center at the time of the attacks. An accountant for Cantor Fitzgerald, she was able to escape the building prior to its collapse.
However, she suffered serious burns in the attack, and was hospitalized at Cornell-Presbyterian Hospital, where she died more than a month later on Oct. 18, 2001.
Barrett-Arjune had been a member of the Metropolitan Community Church of New York. She left behind her partner, Enez Cooper, and her 18-year-old son, Eddie, who lived with them.
GRAHAM BERKELEY
Boston
Graham Berkeley, 37, a native of England who lived in Boston, boarded United Airlines Flight 175 on Sept. 11, 2001, on his way to a conference in Los Angeles. He died when the plane became the second highjacked airliner to crash into the World Trade Center.
Berkeley’s parents, Charles and Pauline Berkeley, still live in England and watched the crash on television, although it took eight hours to confirm that their son had been on the plane.
“We had seen the fireball ourselves and knew to expect the worst,” Charles Berkeley told the London Mirror. “We watched our child die. He was a brilliant boy, a brilliant man.”
Graham Berkeley worked for Compuserve as product management director and was a professional violinist in Germany and England, the Advocate reported.
MARK BINGHAM
San Francisco
Gay rugby enthusiast Mark Bingham has been hailed as one of a small group of heroes who fought back against hijackers on United Flight 93, which crashed in Pennsylvania. The flight was believed to have been headed to Washington, D.C., likely to attack another national landmark.
Bingham, 31, was a member of the San Francisco Fog, a gay rugby team, and planned to organize a rugby team for this year’s Gay Games in Sydney, Australia.
A tribute page hosted by the team includes an e-mail from Bingham after he had learned that the Fog had been accepted as a permanent member of the California Rugby Football Union.
“Gay men weren’t always wallflowers waiting on the sideline,” he said, applauding the team’s acceptance into the league. “We have the opportunity to let these other athletes know that gay men were around all along — on their little league teams, in their classes, being their friends.”
PAMELA J. BOYCE
New York
Pamela J. Boyce, 43, was a resident of Dyker Heights, Brooklyn, and worked on the 92nd floor of One World Trade Center as assistant vice president of accounting for the New York office of Carr Futures.
Catherine Anello, Boyce’s partner, told the New York Times that Boyce was a no-nonsense person who wouldn’t want her loved ones to be overcome by grief.
“If there was someone who lost a loved one and had been grieving too long, so that they were not living their life, she would say, ‘Stop. It’s not what they would want. They are in a better place.'” Anello said, “She said, ‘I’m not afraid to die because I know where I am going is beautiful.'”
DANIEL BRANDHORST
RONALD GAMBOA
DAVID REED GAMBOA BRANDHORST
Los Angeles
When Daniel Brandhorst and Ronald Gamboa changed their flights so they could return to Los Angeles from Boston on Sept. 11 with adopted son, David, they had no idea of the tragedy that would await them.
Brandhorst and Gamboa had met 13 years ago at a party. Family friend Donato Tramuto told the New York Times Gamboa “could make a rainy day look happy.” Meanwhile, Scott Pisani, a fellow employee at PriceWaterhouseCoopers, said Brandhorst “made a tremendous amount of time for his family” after David was born, and would often take the toddler to work.
David, 3 at the time of his death, was adopted at birth by Gamboa and Brandhorst. Brandhorst, 41, worked an accountant for PriceWaterhouseCoopers, and Gamboa, 33, was the manager of a Gap store. They were on United Airlines Flight 175.
DAVID CHARLEBOIS
Washington, D.C.
David Charlebois, 39, first officer on American Airlines Flight 77, which collided into the Pentagon after being hijacked by terrorists, died while flying one of his standard routes.
Charlebois lived near the District’s popular Dupont Circle neighborhood with his partner of 14 years, Tom Hay, and their border collie, Chance.
He began his career as a pilot for corporate executives and later worked as a pilot for U.S. Airways. He joined American Airlines a decade ago, where he served as first officer, or co-pilot, flying mostly transcontinental routes out of Dulles International Airport.
Hay said Charlebois’ loyalty to his friends, family, and community was rivaled only by his love for flying.
“He always wanted to be a pilot,” Hay said.
Charlebois was an active member of the National Gay Pilots Association and had worked quietly within his company as an advocate for rights of gay employees, including gay pilots.
EUGENE CLARK
New York
Eugene Clark, 47, observed “the three D’s: dance, drama and divas,” according to the New York Times. His partner of 13 years, Larry Courtney, said Clark had grown up listening to Roberta Flack, loved Broadway musicals and could dance “like Tina Turner… and he had legs almost as good.”
Clark worked for the Aon Corporation as an administrative assistant, but it was his time away from the office that he enjoyed most. He had converted a 10-foot by 24-foot concrete-slab patio into a thriving terrace garden.
He also “adored the musicals ‘Miss Saigon’ and ‘Les Miserables,’ cooked Southern-style fried cabbage, and collected Waterford crystal decanters and vases,” the Times reported.
JEFFREY COLLMAN
Jeffrey Collman, 41, a flight attendant on American Airlines Flight 11, died when the hijacked jet slammed into the North World Trade Center tower in the first attack of Sept. 11, 2001.
A three-year employee of American Airlines, Collman had changed to the Boston-Los Angeles route from his normal Boston-San Francisco flights in order to prepare for an upcoming vacation.
Keith Bradkowski, Collman’s partner, had last heard from him the evening prior to the crash, when Collman called to talk about their upcoming trip, according to the San Jose Mercury News.
Collman received the American Professional Flight Attendant Award in 1999. In addition to Bradkowski, the Illinois native was survived by one sister and four brothers.
LUKE DUDEK
Livingston, N.J.
Luke Dudek and his partner of 20 years, George Cuellar, had dreamt of buying a building to house their high-end floral design store.
On Sept. 11, 2001, that dream finally became a reality. But Dudek, 50, wasn’t there to celebrate, according to Newsday.com.
Dudek was working as a food and beverage controller at Windows on the World, the restaurant at the top of One World Trade Center, that morning, when terrorist planes struck the building.
Dudek’s partner, George Cuellar, continues to run the flower shop he operated with Dudek for 16 years. He said the couple had no regrets in life.
“Everything we did, we did with love,” Cuellar told Newsday. “He’ll always be my best friend. I feel very protected by him. And I always did.”
JOE FERGUSON
Washington, D.C.
James Joe Ferguson, director of geography education outreach for the National Geographic Society, was on American Airlines Flight 77 when it crashed into the Pentagon. Ferguson was traveling on a National Geographic-sponsored educational field trip to the Channel Islands National Marine Sanctuary off Santa Barbara, Calif.
Ferguson, 39, was accompanying a colleague, three teachers, and three sixth-grade students, all from Washington, on the trip.
Ferguson lived on Capitol Hill for 10 years with Winston, his wire-haired fox terrier. He was one of the principal architects who designed the infrastructure of geography education, which resulted in the improvement of geography education throughout the United States, according to National Geographic.
“Ultimately, what he did touched over 150,000 students and teachers — and that is just one person,” said Ed Kaczmarek, a friend of Ferguson’s for 14 years.
CAROL FLYZIK
Plaistow, N.H.
Carol Flyzik, a 40-year-old registered nurse and a member of the Human Rights Campaign, was on American Airlines Flight 11 on her way to California when her plane became the first to crash into the World Trade Center.
Flyzik was a marketing supervisor for Meditech, a software company that serves the medical community. She was headed to California on a business trip at the time.
She left behind a partner of nearly 13 years, Nancy, as well as three stepchildren whom she cared for as her own.
SHEILA HEIN
University Park, Md.
Sheila Hein, an analyst, was working for the U.S. Army’s management and budget office in the Pentagon when American Airlines Flight 77 crashed into it.
Hein, 51, lived with her partner of 17 years, Peggy Neff, in University Park, Md. They bought a house there seven years ago as a “fixer-upper” and turned the backyard into their “own private park,” Neff told the Washington Post. “She is what this yard is. There’s a whole lot of love here,” Neff said.
Hein worked at the Pentagon for the last five years as a visual information specialist for the Army and had only recently changed jobs. She was at the Pentagon that day taking part in an Army internship, studying manpower analysis. A native of Springfield, Mass., she joined the Navy after high school and was sent to Virginia. She spent 10 years in the service as a photographer, married twice, and ventured into a career in computer graphics, working on government contracts.
Hein received a bachelor’s degree from Columbia Union College three years ago after taking courses on and off for 20 years. “She decided it was time to finish it,” Neff told the Post. She planned to get a master’s degree.
MYCHAL JUDGE
New York
New York City Fire Department Chaplain Mychal Judge was killed during the collapse of the World Trade Center towers while administering last rites to a dying firefighter. Fellow firefighters carried his body to St. Peter’s Church and then back to the firehouse.
Judge, 68, had been a Catholic chaplain for the New York City Fire Department since 1992. “Father Mike,” as the gay priest was known, was laid to rest in a memorial service attended by more than 3,000 and presided over by Cardinal Edward M. Egan.
Judge was also a “longtime member” of Dignity/USA, according to the Web site of the organization for “gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered Catholics, our families and friends.”
WILLIAM ANTHONY KARNES
New York
William Anthony Karnes and his partner, John Winter, could see Karnes’ office at Marsh & McLennon on the 97th floor of One World Trade Center from the home they shared.
On the morning of Sept. 11, 2001, the 37-year-old Karnes left for the office as usual at 8:30 a.m. The “commute,” which took about 11 minutes, would be his last. At 8:45, Winter heard what sounded like a thunder, and immediately looked out his apartment window.
“At that point, I knew probably a lot of hope was lost that I’d ever see him again,” Winter told LGNY. “Death doesn’t discriminate. Death actually transcends sexual orientation.”
JACK KEOHANE
New York
John Keohane, 41, worked at One Liberty Plaza near the World Trade Center and died when the towers collapsed. After the planes hit the Trade Center towers, Keohane met Mike Lyons, his partner of 17 years, on the street, and called his mother from his cell phone.
“They were just in the streets like everybody else,” his sister, Darlene Keohane, told the San Francisco Chronicle. “As he was talking, he had thought a third plane crashed into the building.”
What Keohane thought was a third crash was really the collapse of the South tower of the World Trade Center. While Lyons survived, Keohane was killed by falling debris.
A native of San Francisco, Keohane had lived in the New York area for a year. Distraught over Keohane’s death, Lyons committed suicide on March 1.
MICHAEL LEPORE
New York
Michael Lepore’s friends now take care of his rosebushes and plants in the garden that had been his pride and joy.
“We used to say nothing bad could ever happen here,” Lepore’s partner of 18 years, David O’Leary, told the New York Times. “And it’s still the most important thing. It’s where I see most of Michael.”
Lepore, 39, was a project analyst at Marsh & McLennan. He shared a home, designed by Frank Lloyd Wright apprentice Edgar Tafel, with O’Leary and their three cocker spaniels, and the couple was in the midst of helping to plan Lepore’s youngest brother’s wedding.
O’Leary said, a month prior to the attacks, their house had been bustling with friends and family.
“Everything was so perfect in our lives,” he said. “Just so perfect.”
PATRICIA McANENEY
New York
Patricia McAneney, 50, always wanted to be a firefighter. While she never actually became one, she did serve as fire marshal for the floor in One World Trade Center where her employer, Guy Carpenter insurance company, had its offices.
Her friends and partner remembered her for her honesty.
“If one of us committed a crime, Pat would be the last person we could go to because she would turn you in,” McAneney’s partner of nearly 20 years, Margaret Cruz, told the New York Times. “She said she might give me a few hours’ head start.”
WESLEY MERCER
New York
Wesley Mercer, the vice president of corporate security for Morgan Stanley, was generally a quiet man. But his partner, Bill Randolph, told the New York Times that Mercer also could be a leader during a crisis.
That’s what he did on Sept. 11, 2001. The World Trade Center towers fell as Mercer helped evacuate other employees
“It put a hole in my stomach,” Randolph told the paper. “But I knew that’s what he would have done.”
Mercer, who was divorced and had two daughters, became a security officer after serving in the military, and was known for his formal style. “He always thought the way he carried himself was important,” Randolph said.
PHILIP “ROXY EDDIE” OGNIBENE
New York
“Roxy Eddie” Ognibene, a member of the Renegades of New York’s Big Apple Softball League, was killed last Sept. 11 while working as a bond trader for Keefe, Bruyette & Woods on the 89th floor of Two World Trade Center, according to Outsports.com.
Ognibene, 39, was considered by his friends to be “a strong lefty hitter, a flawless first baseman,” and a solid pitcher and outfield player, the gay sports Web site reported. Those who knew him said his sense of humor was contagious, and just to see him was to laugh out loud.
Although his work often left him too busy to pursue outside hobbies, Ognibene had a love of softball and had just recently joined the league. During one particularly nasty practice, which occurred in the middle of a downpour, Ognibene was the last to leave the field.
“I don’t care,” he said, friend Ben Moon recounted to Outsports. “I just love to play softball.”
CATHERINE SMITH
New York
Catherine Smith, 44, worked on the 92nd floor of the first World Trade Center tower as a vice president for Marsh & McLennon when tragedy struck last Sept. 11.
Smith and her partner of six years, Elba Cedeno, considered themselves very similar to Pepe Le Pew and Penelope from the Looney Tunes cartoons, according to the New York Times. “They had known each other, in passing, for 20-odd years, both frequenting the same bar,” the paper reported. Later, when both had ended other relationships, they officially met.
The two were together for six years.
“This was my soul mate. We planned to live the rest of our lives together and retire together,” Cedeno said.
From staff and wire reports
One of the biggest headaches of the new home process is the actual moving part. By the time someone is buying a home, most people are beyond the “I just need a pickup truck, a pizza and a case of beer for my friends.”
If that is still someone’s preferred way to move, that’s great. However, many people find they need a much more robust plan. It can also trigger a lot of feelings about items one owns, what to do with them, do they have too much, should I keep this memento that I never use? Etc.
Moving is a chance for a person to “clean house” literally, figuratively, spiritually and energetically. A person can figure out which items they want to keep, and which need to go. As someone who recently moved across the country, I can speak to this experience. It’s also time for what people call “the fresh start effect.” This phenomenon, according to psychologists, can happen in little moments (like the start of a new work week) and bigger moments (such as moving from one home to the next).
The fresh start effect offers these benefits often mentioned by psychologists:
- Mental Accounting: Dates act as chapter breaks, letting you put past failures into a previous period.
- Psychological Distance: You separate your flawed past self from your aspirational future self (“That was the old me”).
- Optimism Boost: New beginnings clear mental clutter and increase your sense of agency and control
Does this mean that “the new you” will be the perfect version you envisioned? Probably not. We are humans. But it might mean you get a chance to “leave some of the old you behind” within the walls you used to live in, and now have a chance to have a new layout, a new décor, a new color pattern, new wallpaper, donate old furniture and books or magazines, throw out clothes you no longer use or fit in, and enjoy the opportunity to literally use the, “Does this spark joy?” method that was made so popular by Marie Kondo in her Netflix series.
So, for all its hassle and headache, moving is a chance to shake off the “old you” and try on the new you, to incorporate the items you would like to keep and use more of, and shed the items, habits, and ways of thinking that you feel no longer serve you.
I can speak to the experiences that several of my clients had when they moved from a previous residence to a newer one. It usually coincided with a change in relationship status, a change in employment, a change in family size, but sometimes it just seemed to correlate to a new attitude and perspective that the client was really hoping for.
I have literally had clients come to me after the fact, in tears, that they were so happy they made the decision to move out of a situation that no longer served them, and move into one that felt like a much better fit.
Change can be annoying and overwhelming at times, but usually most people come out the other side, not wanting to return to the way they were before.
Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with RLAH. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].
Despite a U.S. political climate that has made electric vehicles about as welcome as a vegan at a Texas barbecue, automakers haven’t gotten the memo. The 2027 BMW iX3 and Rivian R2—in showrooms soon—prove the point. But think of them as distant cousins: one arrives impeccably dressed; the other probably has a kayak strapped to the roof.
BMW iX3
$62,000
Range: Up to 434 miles
0 to 60 mph: 4.7 seconds
Cargo space: 30.4 cu. ft.
PROS: Huge driving range. Distinctive styling. Cutting-edge interior.
CONS: Quirky digital controls. Only one U.S. trim level. Pricey options.
WHAT’S NEW: This is BMW’s first production model on its state-of-the-art Neue Klasse platform, radically changing the technology, cabin and electric drivetrain.
The iX3 arrives on our shores in one trim level, the iX3 50 xDrive. Load it up with options and you can sail well past $80,000.
Depending on configuration, this luxe EV delivers an astonishing range before recharging. And a dual-motor, all-wheel-drive system produces 463 horsepower, which allows you to tootle around as fast as a Porsche 718 sportster.
The new “Panoramic iDrive” spreads information across the base of the windshield, supplemented by a central display and steering-wheel controls. An available 3D head-up display adds even more info. It’s futuristic, busy and unmistakably BMW—like someone decided the dashboard needed its own coming-out party.
Then there’s the “Heart of Joy” computer, which coordinates the motors, braking and steering for sharper responses and smoother control. The name may sound like something from a self-help retreat, but the innovation makes the iX3 seriously entertaining to drive.
You also can charge the iX3 from 10 percent to 80 percent in just 21 minutes. Nice.
This isn’t merely an electric X3 with the gasoline bits removed. It’s a tech reset for BMW. Compared with the R2, the iX3 is more polished, more luxurious…but, alas, considerably pricier.
RIVIAN R2
$45,000
Range: Up to 345 miles
0 to 60 mph: 5.9 seconds
Cargo space: 28.7 cu. ft.
PROS: Affordable luxury. Rugged looks. Clever storage.
CONS: No smartphone integration. No glass-roof shade. Touchy touchscreen.
WHAT’S NEW: Everything—the R2 is Rivian’s all-new, smaller electric SUV, and it brings the brand’s adventure-first attitude to a price point far below the larger R1S.
If the BMW iX3 is wearing a beautifully tailored jacket, the Rivian R2 has its sleeves rolled up.
With edgy styling, this is no anonymous crossover wearing an EV costume. Chunky details. Upright proportions. Distinctive lighting all give off an outdoorsy vibe without turning the R2 into a rolling REI catalog.
There are four configurations, with pricing from $45,000 to $58,000. That’s a big difference from the BMW—and potentially the R2’s biggest weapon.
The stats aren’t shabby, either. Driving range is from 275 to 345 miles. The dual-motor, all-wheel-drive setup produces between 350 horsepower and a frankly bonkers 656 horsepower. And the high-performance model lets you zip from 0-to-60 mph in just 3.6 seconds.
Drag-racing credentials? Absolutely!
Inside, there is lots of clever packaging, with flexible seating and generous storage. This EV is designed to carry actual stuff, not merely impress your neighbors.
Yes, there are quirks. Rivian skips Apple CarPlay and Android Auto, while everyday controls—some of which are less than intuitive—live on the touchscreen. And the panoramic glass roof lacks a conventional shade. Huh?
For some owners, those will be minor annoyances. For others, they’ll become daily reminders that Rivian marches to its own beat.
Perhaps that’s not a bad thing, though. The R2 feels less buttoned-up, more mischievous. It’s the automotive equivalent of Billy Porter ignoring the dress code and somehow looking better than everyone who followed it.
Advice
We’re getting married but our parents object
Will their disapproval and shortcomings derail our hopes for a happy life?
Dear Michael,
My girlfriend and I are getting married! We’re really excited, but we’ve got some big concerns as well.
All of our parents have had multiple marriages. I think 10 between the four of them. So we don’t have much in the way of role models for a successful marriage.
Also, we don’t have any parental support. Except for one of my ex-stepmothers whom I’m close to, none of our parents are happy that their daughter is getting married to another woman. That’s an understatement. Religious objections, moral objections, being angry that we’re “embarrassing them,” these are some of the things we’ve been told.
We do have some supportive siblings and step-siblings, which is great, although they’re getting pushback from parents about attending our wedding.
Given all this, what suggestions do you have for how we can make a go of our marriage? The divorce rate is over 50 percent for everyone. With all this baggage, we’re worried that we have even less of a chance. Thank you.
Michael replies:
First, congratulations!
Regarding your lack of family support: I’m sorry that you both have to deal with so much criticism, disdain, and judgment. Please don’t let your parents’ negativity influence your own views of yourselves and your relationship. Focus instead on the love and caring you will get from friends, community and the family who are present on your big day (I hope your siblings are brave enough to make it!). Being the recipients of that support is one of the sweetest parts of getting married.
Don’t worry about the high divorce rate. While some couples really shouldn’t stay married, lots of people get divorced because they don’t know what is required to have a good marriage, or don’t put in the effort to do so. That does not have to be your fate.
Similarly, your parents’ terrible track record doesn’t mean you have to repeat their marital histories. The skills to have a strong marriage are learnable.
To that end, here are the best tips I can offer the two of you:
- If you want a loving marriage, be a loving partner. Don’t snipe, sulk, or do the silent treatment when you’re mad. Unconditional love is largely a myth. Even our dogs won’t love us if we are mean to them.
- Don’t spend much time or effort focusing on what your spouse is doing wrong or how she is letting you down. Doing so leads to resentment and feeling like you’re a powerless victim. Instead, ask yourself what your own contribution is to the problem, and what you can do to make things better. You don’t have much power over your partner, but you have a lot of power over yourself.
You can certainly ask your spouse for what you’d like from her, but don’t expect to always get it. And don’t base your own wellbeing or good behavior on what your partner does or doesn’t do.
- Because any two people are always different in some important ways, there is no way that you both can always want the same things, or think the same way, or have the same priorities. Accept this! There has to be room for each of you to be an individual, not only part of a couple.
- Be generous as often as you can be, and have a boundary when it’s important for you to have one.
- When your spouse states that she has a boundary, respect it. Do not push her to back off from something that is important to her.
- Don’t keep score, including how much more you do or how often you don’t get your way. Instead, work together to have a collaborative marriage where you work together to make decisions and get things done.
- Strive not to weigh the relationship down with neediness. Once we’re grownups, it’s mainly our own job to soothe ourselves. You don’t want to burn out your partner’s empathy.
Of course you can ask for a hug, love, reassurance, support, advice, and a shoulder to cry on when you’re down. Just aim be the first person you turn to when you’re upset, and do your best to keep your own mood steady.
- Do not wait for your significant other to go first. Not on planning a date, not on apologizing, not on loading the dishwasher or cleaning the bathroom. If you wait for her to make the first move, you will have a resentful relationship where nothing good ever happens.
Keeping these principles part of your operating system, even — and especially — at those moments when your spouse isn’t doing her best, will go a long way toward helping you build and maintain a loving and happy marriage.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
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