March 29, 2012 | by Meghann Novinskie and Kim Rosenberg
Maturity is key

Maturity is a key component of a healthy relationship. But how do you tell if the person you like is mature? There are multiple factors at play.

When dating in our adult lives, we cannot stress enough the importance of being able to communicate with your partner your goals in dating and “life stage.” We have seen it time and time again that couples begin to engage in a relationship, only to find out one is more interested in “dating around” and the other more focused on a long-term goal. Level of maturity goes hand in hand with communication and being open to expressing feelings directly. Those who are immature tend to skirt around the “goals in dating” concept — those who are mature do not.

Maturity comes with age — but which age maturity arrives is different for everyone. Have you ever dated someone older than you who acts like the person you were seven or 10 years ago?  It’s a huge disappointment when this happens, though it occurs more often than one would hope.  Don’t use age as a determining factor of who is mature and who is not – there are mature and immature people of all ages.

Have you ever dated someone who’s passive aggressive? It tends to sneak up on you when you want to have “the chat” about where your relationship is going or something similar. Passive aggressiveness is a sure sign of someone who isn’t comfortable with her/himself. Passive aggressive conversations, live or over text message, can be incredibly disappointing for those who are direct about their goals in a relationship.

Ever been put on the “back burner?” Yes, this is another ugly side of immaturity and passive-aggressive behavior. Most of us have been in the position where you have an exciting first and second dates, and plans for a third date are in the works, but your suitor fails to follow up. Usually, people will say they have been “really busy,” which is the reason for lack of follow up. Don’t discard anyone with a busy profession, just beware of those who prioritize their friends and other social plans over exploring another date and possible connection with you.

What is one of the biggest red flags of someone who may be immature? Easy answer: someone who has never had a serious committed relationship.

Being financially responsible is obviously a sign of maturity. If you find that someone is jumping from job to job, it is probably fair to say this is a person looking for the next best thing. Unfortunately, this could also roll over into his or her relationship goals and potential status, in that he/she may not be ready for commitment, in any sense of the word.

Another sign of immaturity that we see these days is where someone is found hiding behind his/her cell phone. Have you ever dated someone who refuses to pick up the phone and chat? We get it — we are all busy and texting is so easy. But think about how nice it is to hear someone’s voice on your voicemail or to say a quick hello between meetings.

Maturity not only comes with age, but also with life experience. Many individuals who move to the D.C. area may be more mature than their peers in other areas, due to professional and educational opportunities locally. But beware — D.C. can also be a playground for those looking for the next best opportunity both professionally and personally. Have candid conversations with your partner about goals and stability to understand if your partner is as mature as you are. Don’t kid yourself and recognize the signs.

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for more updates and advice: @MegNovinskie @KimRosenbergDC.

 

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