District of Columbia

Catching up with the asexuals and aromantics of D.C.

Exploring identity and finding community

Published

8 months ago

April 25, 2024

Local asexuals and aromantics met recently on the National Mall.

There was enough commotion in the sky at the Blossom Kite Festival that bees might have been pollinating the Washington Monument. I despaired of quickly finding the Asexuals and Aromantics of the Mid-Atlantic—I couldn’t make out a single asexual flag among the kites up above. I thought to myself that if it had been the Homosexuals of the Mid-Atlantic I would’ve had my gaydar to rely on. Was there even such a thing as ace-dar?

As it turned out, the asexual kite the group had meant to fly was a little too pesky to pilot. “Have you ever used a stunt kite?” Bonnie, the event organizer asked me. “I bought one. It looked really cool. But I can’t make it work.” She sighed. “I can’t get the thing six feet off the ground.” The group hardly seemed to care. There was caramel popcorn and cookies, board games and head massages, a game of charades with more than its fair share of Pokémon. The kites up above might as well have been a coincidental sideshow. Nearly two dozen folks filtered in and out of the picnic throughout the course of the day.

But I counted myself lucky that Bonnie picked me out of the crowd. If there’s such a thing as ace-dar, it eludes asexuals too. The online forum for all matters asexual, AVEN, or the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, is filled with laments: “I don’t think it’s possible.” “Dude, I wish I had an ace-dar.” “If it exists, I don’t have it.” “I think this is just like a broken clock is right twice a day type thing.” What seems to be a more common experience is meeting someone you just click with—only to find out later that they’re asexual. A few of the folks I met described how close childhood friends of theirs likewise came out in adulthood, a phenomenon that will be familiar to many queer people. But it is all the more astounding for asexuals to find each other this way, given that asexual people constitute 1.7% of sexual minorities in America, and so merely .1% of the population at large.

To help other asexuals identify you out in the world, some folks wear a black ring on their middle finger, much as an earring on the right ear used to signify homosexuality in a less welcoming era. The only problem? The swinger community—with its definite non-asexuality—has also adopted the signal. “It’s still a thing,” said Emily Karp. “So some people wear their ace rings just to the ace meet-ups.” Karp has been the primary coordinator for the Asexuals and Aromantics of the Mid-Atlantic (AAMA) since 2021, and a member of the meet-up for a decade. She clicked with the group immediately. After showing up for a Fourth of July potluck in the mid-afternoon, she ended up staying past midnight. “We played Cards against Humanity, which was a very, very fun thing to do. It’s funny in a way that’s different than if we were playing with people that weren’t ace. Some of the cards are implying, like, the person would be motivated by sex in a way that’s absurd, because we know they aren’t.”

Where so many social organizations withered during the pandemic, the AAMA flourished. Today, it boasts almost 2,000 members on meetup.com. Karp hypothesized that all the social isolation gave people copious time to reflect on themselves, and that the ease of meeting up online made it convenient as a way for people to explore their sexual identity and find community. Online events continue to make up about a third of the group’s meet-ups. The format allows people to participate who live farther out from D.C. And it allows people to participate at their preferred level of comfort: while many people participate much as they would at an in-person event, some prefer to watch anonymously, video feed off. Others prefer to participate in the chat box, though not in spoken conversation.

A recent online event was organized for a discussion of Rhaina Cohen’s book, “The Other Significant Others,” published in February. Cohen’s book discusses friendship as an alternative model for “significant others,” apart from the romantic model that is presupposed to be both the center and goal of people’s lives. The AAMA group received the book with enthusiasm. “It literally re-wired my brain,” as one person put it. People discussed the importance of friendship to their lives, and their difficulties in a world that de-prioritized friendship. “I can break up with a friend over text, and we don’t owe each other a conversation,” one said. But there was some disagreement when it came to the book’s discussion of romantic relationships. “It relegates ace relationships to the ‘friend’ or ‘platonic’ category, to the normie-reader,” one person wrote in the chat. “Our whole ace point is that we can have equivalent life relationships to allo people, simply without sex.” (“Allo” is shorthand for allosexual or alloromantic, people who do experience sexual or romantic attraction.)

The folks of the AAMA do not share a consensus on the importance of romantic relationships to their lives. Some asexuals identify as aromantic, some don’t. And some aromantics don’t identify as asexual, either. The “Aromantic” in the title of the group is a relatively recent addition. In 2017, the group underwent a number of big changes. The group was marching for the first time in D.C. Pride, participating in the LGBTQ Creating Change conference, and developing a separate advocacy and activism arm. Moreover, the group had become large enough that discussions were opened up into forming separate chapters for D.C., Central Virginia, and Baltimore. During those discussions, the group leadership realized that aromantic people who also identified as allosexual didn’t really have a space to call their own. “We were thinking it would be good to probably change the name of the Meetup group,” Emily said. “But we were not 100% sure. Because [there were] like 1,000 people in the group, and they’re all aces, and it’s like, ‘Do you really want to add a non-ace person?’” The group leadership decided to err on the side of inclusion. “You know, being less gatekeep-y was better. It gave them a place to go — because there was nowhere else to go.”

The DC LGBT Center now sponsors a support group for both asexuals and aromantics, but it was formed just a short while ago, in 2022. The founder of the group originally sought out the center’s bisexual support group, since they didn’t have any resources for ace folks. “The organizer said, you know what, why don’t we just start an ace/aro group? Like, why don’t we just do it?” He laughed. “I was impressed with the turnout, the first call. It’s almost like we tapped into, like, a dam. You poke a hole in the dam, and the water just rushes out.” The group has a great deal of overlap with the AAMA, but it is often a person’s first point of contact with the asexual and aromantic community in D.C., especially since the group focuses on exploring what it means to be asexual. Someone new shows up at almost every meeting. “And I’m so grateful that I did,” one member said. “I kind of showed up and just trauma dumped, and everyone was really supportive.”

Since the ace and aro community is so small, even within the broader queer community, ace and aro folks often go unrecognized. To the chagrin of many, the White House will write up fact sheets about the LGBTQI+ community, which is odd, given that when the “I” is added to the acronym, the “A” is usually added too. OKCupid has 22 genders and 12 orientations on its dating website, but “aromantic” is not one of them — presumably because aromantic people don’t want anything out of dating. And since asexuality and aromanticism are defined by the absence of things, it can seem to others like ace and aro people are ‘missing something.’ One member of the LGBT center support group had an interesting response. “The space is filled by… whatever else!” they said. “We’re not doing a relationship ‘without that thing.’ We’re doing a full scale relationship — as it makes sense to us.”

CJ Higgins is a postdoctoral fellow with the Alexander Grass Humanities Institute at Johns Hopkins University.

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District of Columbia

D.C. Mayor’s Office of LGBTQ Affairs moving to new location

LGBTQ community center also set to leave Reeves Center

Published

3 days ago

December 6, 2024

Lou Chibbaro Jr.

There are plans to demolish the Reeves Center and replace it with a redevelopment project. (Washington Blade photo by Lou Chibbaro, Jr.)

D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser’s Office of LGBTQ Affairs, which is currently located at the city’s Reeves Center municipal building at 14th and U Street, N.W., was scheduled to move during the week of Dec. 9 to a new location at 899 North Capitol St., N.E., according to Japer Bowles, the office’s director.

Bowles said the LGBTQ Affairs office will be located on the seventh floor of the privately owned office building in which the city has rented space for several other city agencies, including the D.C. Department of Health.

The move comes about amid longstanding plans to demolish the Reeves Center and replace it with a redevelopment project that will include a mix of housing, office space, a hotel, and retail stores along with a public plaza and a 200-seat amphitheater.

The D.C. LGBTQ+ Community Center, which has been located in the Reeves Center for about 10 years, also expects to be moving out of the building in the spring of 2025, said Kimberley Bush, the LGBTQ center’s executive director.

Bush said the LGBTQ center looks forward to moving into its new, larger space in a building at 1827 Wiltberger St., N.W. in the city’s Shaw neighborhood, which is located one block away from the Shaw-Howard University Metro station.

The LGBTQ center entered a joint lease to rent space in the Wiltberger Street building with the Capital Pride Alliance, the group that organizes most of D.C.’s LGBTQ Pride events, including the upcoming World Pride 2025 events set to take place in D.C. May 17-June 8.

In response to a request by Bowser, the D.C. Council earlier this year approved $1 million in funding for fiscal year 2025 to support the build-out and construction of the LGBTQ Center’s space in the Wiltberger Street’s converted warehouse building.

But shortly after the Council approved that funding, the D.C. Center and Capital Pride Alliance announced the launch of a fundraising campaign called “Welcome Home – Building Together, Thriving Together” to raise an additional $1.5 million needed to complete the renovation of the new building.

“This endeavor is more than just the construction of a building; it represents a commitment to carve out a generous 7,000 square feet of space devoted to nurturing unity, empowerment, and support across the LGBTQ+ spectrum,” a statement announcing the fundraising campaign says.

District of Columbia

D.C. LGBTQ community to gather for post-election dialogue

Dec. 12 event to address federal workers’ rights, immigration, more

Published

5 days ago

December 4, 2024

Staff reports

More than 80,000 people joined the 2017 Equality March for Unity & Pride following Donald Trump’s 2016 victory. As Trump prepares to return to power, the local community is gathering to talk resistance and resilience. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Several leading LGBTQ organizations in D.C. are coming together to make sense of the recent election and to discuss the future of advocacy and resilience as President-elect Donald Trump prepares to take office.

With Republicans in firm control of the federal government after winning majorities in the House and Senate, many are concerned about attacks on the LGBTQ community, including Trump’s pledge to ban trans people from serving in the military. In addition, many LGBTQ federal workers have expressed concerns about being targeted for reassignment or termination, as outlined in Project 2025, a right-wing blueprint for Trump’s second term.

In response, D.C.’s LGBTQ community is coming together for an event on Thursday, Dec. 12, 6:30-8 p.m. at the Eaton Hotel (1201 K. St., N.W.) featuring an array of speakers who will address issues, including: anticipated policy shifts; community resilience strategies; legal rights; immigration advocacy; and federal workers’ rights.

The event, titled, “Charting Our Future: LGBTQ+ Advocacy & Resilience in a Changing Landscape” is free; visit washingtonblade.com/future to RSVP.

The event is being hosted by the Washington Blade and includes community partners: the DC LGBTQ+ Budget Coalition, HME Consulting & Advocacy, Eaton DC, DC LGBTQ+ Community Center, Capital Pride Alliance, and the Mayor’s Office of LGBTQ+ Affairs. Heidi Ellis of the DC LGBTQ+ Budget Coalition will moderate. A list of speakers will be released later this week.

District of Columbia

Casa Ruby receiver files for bankruptcy

Jan. 21 deadline set for creditors, former employees to apply for reimbursement

Published

5 days ago

December 4, 2024

Lou Chibbaro Jr.

Ruby Corado is scheduled to be sentenced on Jan. 10. (Blade file photo)

In a little-noticed development, the Wanda Alston Foundation, which assumed control over the operations of the D.C. LGBTQ community services group Casa Ruby in August 2022 under a court-appointed receivership role, filed a petition on Aug. 27 of this year to place Casa Ruby in bankruptcy.

The petition, filed in the U.S. Bankruptcy Court for the District of Columbia, says Casa Ruby has estimated liabilities to at least 50 creditors of more than $1 million and estimated assets of between $0 and $50,000.

Nick Harrison, an attorney representing the Wanda Alston Foundation, which provides housing services to homeless LGBTQ youth, said Casa Ruby currently has no known financial assets, including cash.

He said the bankruptcy petition’s estimated assets of up to $50,000 are based on a pending lawsuit that the Alston Foundation filed against eight former Casa Ruby board members and Casa Ruby’s founder and former executive director Ruby Corado in December 2022. The lawsuit accuses the board of violating D.C.’s nonprofit corporation law by failing to exercise oversight over Casa Ruby’s operations that led to its financial collapse and shutdown in 2022.

The lawsuit calls on the court to require Corado and the former board members to pay “restitution, compensatory damages, punitive damages, receivership fees and expenses, court costs, attorneys’ fees, and expenses, and any other relief the court deems necessary and proper.”

A D.C. Superior Court judge on May 1, 2023, dismissed the lawsuit filed by the Alston Foundation against all but one of the former Casa Ruby board members but did not dismiss the case against Corado.

The Alston Foundation has appealed the ruling dismissing the lawsuit, and the case is now pending before the D.C. Court of Appeals.

The lawsuit also alleges that the board failed to adequately oversee the actions of Corado, who pleaded guilty in July of this year to a charge of wire fraud as part of a plea bargain deal offered by prosecutors.

The charge to which Corado pleaded guilty in the U.S. District Court for D.C. says she allegedly diverted at least $150,000 “in taxpayer-backed emergency COVID relief funds” awarded to Casa Ruby to “private offshore bank accounts for her personal use,” according to a statement released by the U.S. Attorney’s office.

Corado, who initially denied the allegations against her, is currently staying with a family member in Rockville, Md., in a home detention arrangement following her arrest by the FBI on March 5 of this year. She is scheduled to be sentenced on Jan. 10.

D.C. Superior Court Judge Danya A. Dayson stated that her decision to dismiss the lawsuit against seven of the eight former board members was based on her interpretation of D.C. law. She said she believes the law holds that members of an organization’s board of directors can only be held liable for harming an organization like Casa Ruby if they “intentionally, rather than negligently, inflicted harm on Casa Ruby.”

The judge said she did not dismiss the case against one of the board members because the lawsuit presents evidence that the board member received some financial benefits from Corado.

In a legal brief filed with the appeals court, the Alston Foundation attorneys state that evidence shows the Casa Ruby board members “were deliberately indifferent or ‘willfully blind’ to the alleged wrongful conduct of the nonprofit’s executive director amounting to actual knowledge on their part that inaction would harm the nonprofit, ultimately and forcibly leading to its financial inability to continue operation.”

The former board members have declined requests for comment on the lawsuit.

Harrison, the attorney representing the Alston Foundation in the bankruptcy filing, said anyone who is owed money by Casa Ruby has until Jan. 21 to file a “proof of claim” form with the bankruptcy court to be eligible to be compensated if funds become available.

At the time of Casa Ruby’s shutdown, the organization’s employees were among those who said they were not paid in the months or weeks prior to the shutdown.

Asked what prompted the Alston Foundation to file the bankruptcy petition on behalf of Casa Ruby, Harrison said, “Filing the bankruptcy petition ensures that a trustee with the appropriate expertise can wrap up the remaining issues while allowing the Wanda Alston Foundation to stay focused on its core mission.”

U.S. Bankruptcy Court records show that one of the officials in charge of collecting proof of claim forms for those owed money is Mark E. Albert, a court appointed Trustee for the bankruptcy filing. Court records show he can be reached at 202-728-3020.