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Gay couple who met through Blade personal ad marries

Cliff O’Neill and Doug Whiteman exchanged vows in D.C. on Friday

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Cliff O'Neill, Doug Whiteman, gay marriage, same-sex marriage, marriage equality, gay news, Washington Blade
Cliff O'Neill, Doug Whiteman, gay marriage, same-sex marriage, marriage equality, gay news, Washington Blade

Cliff O’Neill and Doug Whiteman (Photo courtesy of the couple)

A gay Florida couple who met through a Washington Blade personal ad more than two decades ago married in D.C. on Friday.

Cliff O’Neill, a then-reporter who had just moved to the nation’s capital from Florida, placed an ad in the Blade in July 1990 that sought someone who liked “working out, dancing” and “nights huddled in front of a blazing VCR.” Doug Whiteman, who was also a journalist at the time, responded.

The couple had their first date at Food for Thought in Dupont Circle. O’Neill and Whiteman quickly became good friends, but they dated other people before they and an acquaintance took a vacation to Walt Disney World the following year.

“He was a complete jerk the entire time, which sort of brought the two of us together,” O’Neill told the Blade on Thursday. “When we got back, I kind of realized that I’d been sort of kidding myself this whole time that Doug and I really needed to be together. And so then we were.”

The couple lived together in D.C. and Maryland before relocating to Columbus, Ohio, in 2005. They moved to Jupiter, Fla., in 2012.

O’Neill and Whiteman told the Blade they thought they would “eventually” get married in Florida, even though the state’s constitution bans nuptials for gays and lesbians. They said the U.S. Supreme Court decision that found a portion of the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional and the Internal Revenue Service’s subsequent announcement that it would recognize legally performed same-sex marriages for federal tax purposes changed their plans.

The couple considered exchanging vows in Maryland or in New York where Whiteman once lived, but they eventually settled upon the nation’s capital.

“D.C. has a lot of sentimental meaning of course,” Whiteman said. “It’s where we met.”

Dan Cipullo, director of the D.C. Superior Court’s Criminal Division, officiated the couple’s wedding that took place during a small ceremony in Northwest Washington. Whiteman’s former co-workers and O’Neill’s long-time friend from college served as witnesses.

The couple plans to have a wedding reception in West Palm Beach, Fla., with family and friends once they return to the Sunshine State.

“I’ve never imagined that it’s actually getting to happen for me,” an emotional O’Neill said before the wedding.

“You just get so used to the idea that you can’t get married,” Whiteman added. “The reality of the fact that we can get married and we are getting married hasn’t really sunken in with me yet.”

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Comings & Goings

Ferentinos joins National Museum of American History advisory board

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Susan Ferentinos, Ph.D.

The Comings & Goings column is about sharing the professional successes of our community. We want to recognize those landing new jobs, new clients for their business, joining boards of organizations and other achievements. Please share your successes with us at [email protected]

The Comings & Goings column also invites LGBTQ+ college students to share their successes with us. If you have been elected to a student government position, gotten an exciting internship, or are graduating and beginning your career with a great job, let us know so we can share your success. 

Congratulations to Susan Ferentinos, Ph.D., on her appointment to the Advisory Board of the Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History. On her appointment she said, “This is a moment when historians must stand up for accuracy, complexity, and the full breadth of the American story. I look forward to working with my fellow board members to ensure the National Museum of American History continues to fulfill its mission of serving all Americans with the highest standards of scholarship and integrity.”

Ferentinos operates her own national consulting business based in Port Townsend, Wash., with satellite operations based in Delaware County, Pa. Her business helps museums, historic sites, and government agencies expand and diversify the stories they tell about the American past. Her work focuses on interpreting LGBTQ history and women’s history, bringing overlooked narratives into mainstream historical interpretation. Her clients have included the National Park Service, the American Association for State and Local History, Baltimore Heritage, and numerous museums and historic sites across the country.  Among her many accomplishments, Susan was part of the teams responsible for getting three LGBTQ sites designated as National Historic Landmarks. Two of those landmarks are in Washington, D.C. She authored the NHL nominations for the Furies Collective, in Capitol Hill, building on research performed by local historian Mark Meinke, and she authored the NHL nomination for the home of African-American educators Lucy Diggs Slowe and Mary Burrill, in Brookland, building on research by Eric Griffitts and Katherine Wallace, of EHT Traceries. 

Ferentinos earned her bachelor’s degree from College of William and Mary in International Development and Philosophy; a master’s from Indiana University in United States History; and a Ph.D. from Indiana University in United States History.

Shawn Gaylord

Congratulations also to Shawn Gaylord on joining a team at Berkshire Hathaway PenFed Reality in Solomons, Md. His focus will be Southern Maryland – Calvert, St. Mary’s, Charles, and Anne Arundel. Gaylord still leads the LGBTQ+ Strategies Team at The Raben Group and works part-time on federal policy for GLSEN. 

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Maryland

Md. Commission on LGBTQIA+ Affairs released updated student recommendations

LGBTQ students report higher rates of bullying, suicide

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(Washington Blade photo by Ernesto Valle)

The Maryland Commission on LGBTQIA+ Affairs has released updated recommendations on how the state’s schools can support LGBTQ students.

The updated 16-page document outlines eight “actionable recommendations” for Maryland schools, supplemented with data and links to additional resources. The recommendations are: 

  • Developing and passing a uniform statewide and comprehensive policy aimed at protecting “transgender, nonbinary, and gender expansive students” against discrimination. The recommendation lists minimum requirements for the policy to address: name, pronoun usage, and restroom access.
  • Requiring all educators to receive training about the specific needs of LGBTQ students, by trained facilitators. The training’s “core competencies” include instruction on terminology, data, and support for students.
  • Implementing LGBTQ-inclusive curricula and preventing book bans. The report highlights a “comprehensive sexual education curriculum” as specifically important in the overall education curriculum. It also states the curriculum will “provide all students with life-saving information about how to protect themselves and others in sexual and romantic situations.” 
  • Establishing Gender Sexuality Alliances “at all schools and in all grade levels.” This recommendation includes measures on how to adequately establish effective GSAs, such as campaign advertising, and official state resources that outline how to establish and maintain a GSA. 
  • Providing resources to students’ family members and supporters. This recommendation proposes partnering with local education agencies to provide “culturally responsive, LGBTQIA+ affirming family engagement initiatives.” 
  • Collecting statewide data on LGBTQ youth. The data on Maryland’s LGBTQ youth population is sparse and non-exhaustive, and this recommendation seeks to collect information to inform policy and programming across the state for LGBTQ youth. 
  • Hiring a full-time team at the Maryland Department of Education that focuses on LGBTQ student achievement. These employees would have specific duties that include “advising on local and state, and federal policy” as well as developing the LGBTQ curriculum, and organizing the data and family resources. 
  • Promoting and ensuring awareness of the 2024 guidelines to support LGBTQ students. 

The commission has 21 members, with elections every year, and open volunteer positions. It was created in 2021 and amended in 2023 to add more members.

The Governor’s Office of Communication says the commission’s goal is “to serve LGBTQIA+ Marylanders by galvanizing community voices, researching and addressing challenges, and advocating for policies to advance equity and inclusion.” 

The commission is tasked with coming up with yearly recommendations. This year’s aim “to ensure that every child can learn in a safe, inclusive, and supportive environment.” 

The Human Rights Campaign’s most recent report on LGBTQ youth revealed that 46.1 percent of LGBTQ youth felt unsafe in some school settings. Those numbers are higher for transgender students, with 54.9 percent of them saying they feel unsafe in school. 

Maryland’s High School Youth Risk Behavior Survey reveals a disparity in mental health issues and concerns among students who identify as LGBTQ, compared to those who are heterosexual. LGBTQ students report higher rates of bullying, feelings of hopelessness, and suicidal thoughts. Nearly 36 percent of LGBTQ students report they have a suicide plan, and 26.7 percent of respondents say they have attempted to die by suicide. 

The commission’s recommendations seek to combat the mental health crisis among the state’s LGBTQ students. They are also a call for local and state governments to work towards implementing them. 

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Virginia

Va. lawmakers consider partial restoration of Ryan White funds

State Department of Health in 2025 cut $20 million from Part B program

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Virginia Capitol (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

​​The Virginia General Assembly is considering the partial restoration of HIV funding that the state’s Department of Health cut last year.

The Department of Health in 2025 cut $20 million — or 67 percent of total funding — from the Ryan White Part B program. 

The funding cuts started with the Trump-Vance administration passing budget cuts to federal HIV screening and protection programs. Rebate issues between the Virginia Department of Health and the company that provides HIV medications began.

Advocates say the funding cuts have disproportionately impacted lower-income people.

The Ryan White HIV/AIDS Program, a federal program started in 1990, provides medical services, public education, and essential services. Part B offers 21 services, seven of which remained funded after the budget cuts. 

Equality Virginia notes “in 2025, a 67 percent reduction severely destabilized HIV services across the commonwealth.” 

Virginia lawmakers have approved two bills — House Bill 30 and Senate Bill 30 — that would partially restore the funding. The Ryan White cuts remain a concern among community members. 

Both chambers of the General Assembly must review their proposed changes before lawmakers can adopt the bills.

“While these amendments aren’t a full restoration of what community-based organizations lost, this marks a critical step toward stabilizing care for thousands of Virginians living with HIV,” said Equality Virginia Executive Director Narissa Rahaman. “Equality Virginia plans to continue their contact with lawmakers and delegates through the conference and up until the passing of the budget.” 

“We appreciate lawmakers from both sides of the aisle who recognized the urgency of this moment and will work to ensure funding remains in the final version signed by the governor,” added Rahaman.

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