Dear Michael:

I’m having a terrible communication problem with my girlfriend. She just isn’t hearing me on some issues that mean a lot.

Nicki doesn’t get why it’s important for me that we be out to her parents as a couple. I’ve explained my position over and over. I’m not willing to hide or pretend, and doing so makes things way more complicated down the road, if we stay together. Eventually we’d have to explain our lies. It’s crazy to imagine hiding our marriage, or hiding children. More than crazy!

How can you be believable about anything if you aren’t honest about who you are and the nature of your relationship?

Nicki’s whole response boils down to her being afraid that her parents will reject her (they’re deeply religious, conservative). Me trying to explain to her that you can’t let fear run your life just doesn’t penetrate her brain.

As a result I haven’t met her parents yet, and our relationship is a lot more tentative than I would like it to be at this point.

Besides this “biggie,” there is one other issue that she just doesn’t get, no matter how much I explain my position: She makes fun of me a lot — especially when we’re out with friends. About all sorts of things. How I dress (too stereotypically lesbian in her view); my interests (same criticism); my supposed inability to cook; my bad driving; my loving my dog too much. And more.

Nicki either says she’s not making fun of me, or says that she’s just kidding around and I am too serious. The more I ask her to stop, the more she tells me to “lighten up.” She just isn’t hearing me.

Aside from communication issues around these big topics, we have an otherwise great relationship that I would like to last. However, this stuff isn’t acceptable.

What more can I do to communicate more clearly in a way that she will hear me?

Michael replies:

It sounds like you’re both making your points loud and clear. You criticize Nicki, and Nicki criticizes you.

Communication means that you say what you want to say to your partner, and you listen when she wants to share something.  It does not mean that you get your partner to agree with you or behave as you want her to.

Even if you think that Nicki’s not being out to her parents is crazy, she doesn’t have to come out to them.  

Is Nicki open to the idea of eventually coming out to her parents? Mustering the courage to do so can be a slow process. If Nicki would like to work on this, and you are willing to wait, then stay in the relationship and work on being patient and accepting. But if this is a deal breaker issue now, Nicki is not for you.

While you can continue to try to change Nicki, this tactic doesn’t seem to be getting you anywhere, except annoyed. You have a lot of power over your own behavior, but little power over how your partner behaves. In other words, you get to be with the person you are with; not a hypothetical “improved” version that better suits you.

With regard to the teasing issue: I believe that if someone you care about tells you that you are hurting them, it’s a good idea to listen. I don’t get why Nicki wants to keep behaving toward you in ways that you find painful. Could it be that all of this is linked?

Perhaps Nicki is hurt or annoyed or angry that you won’t accept her not being out to her parents; and is getting back at you for your ongoing pestering by torturing you with criticisms and insults. Or, perhaps your hurt, annoyance, and anger over Nicki’s ongoing teasing is leading you to retaliate by continually criticizing her closeted status.

Think of your relationship as a system: When one part of a system changes, it impacts the entire system. If either one of you changes your behavior for the better, you will likely have a positive impact on your relationship. Do you want to make the first move, and see what happens?

You might also begin an ongoing discussion with Nicki about the benefits of being respectful toward each other, listening to each other, striving to understand each other’s points of view, and tolerating that you sometimes see both minor and important issues differently.

But only start that discussion if it makes sense to you that having a decent relationship depends on your continually striving to do these things.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

The short-term rental landscape in Washington, D.C., has undergone significant transformation in recent years, driven by the dual market shocks of a pandemic and changing regulations. In addition, consumer preferences have been evolving. 

At the forefront of this shift is Charlotte Perry, owner of LUXbnb, who has been in this business for 14 years. Her experience and adaptability have helped her not only to survive, but also to thrive in the furnished rental market. I sat down with Charlotte to discuss her insights on mid-term rentals, the impact of recent regulations, and her strategies for success.

Scott: Charlotte, thank you for joining me in this discussion. You’ve been in the short-term rental business for over a decade. How have you seen the landscape change in recent years, particularly with the implementation of new regulations?

Charlotte Perry:  Yes, the market has definitely evolved, especially with the pandemic and restrictions on short-term rentals. I used to have greater than 80% of my revenue coming from Airbnb and VRBO, but in recent years, both platforms now account for roughly 25% of my rental revenue.

The shift has been dramatic, especially with the rise of mid-term rentals.

Scott: How did the pandemic impact your business?

Charlotte: The pandemic was tough, I lost 35% of my managed portfolio. All were one-bedroom units in multi-unit buildings. Travel came to a halt, and the few people moving around at that time were not willing to share common areas like lobbies and stairways. But the return of U.S. Foreign Service personnel from our embassies to Washington helped stabilize occupancy. The pandemic also forced me to reevaluate all aspects of the business and become lean and efficient. Despite losing those accounts, my revenue declined marginally in 2020 and then in 2021 and 2022 actually surpassed pre-pandemic results. 

Scott: That’s quite a recovery. The short-term rental regulations that went into effect in 2022 must have added another layer of complexity. How have you navigated those changes? 

Charlotte: The regulations that were passed in October 2018 and enforced in January 2022 were a significant market shock. The new rules require short-term rental properties to be licensed and only owner-occupied primary residences qualify. This reduced my short-term rental inventory by 75%. More critically, it also reduced the total available short-term rental inventory in D.C. across VRBO and Airbnb, the two main booking platforms. I focused right away on growing my mid-term and long-term rentals in response. The rapid shift in how people travel, along with remote work trends fueled by the pandemic, helped me in ramping up quickly.

Scott: Speaking of mid-term rentals, how do you define that market, and why do you think it’s growing?

Charlotte: Mid-term rentals are stays between one and 12 months, and they’ve grown in popularity due to the flexibility that remote work offers. People can now work from anywhere, and many are choosing to spend a few months in different cities to try out new lifestyles. This demand has been further fueled by a parallel trend in vacations. I see retirees coming to D.C. for a month rather than a week.  

Demand for multi-month rentals also comes from the fact that we are the nation’s capital so we have many different renters cycling through: federal government personnel, politicians, students on government internships, government contractors, our foreign service and military. In addition to our federal government, D.C. has a strong network of museums, medical centers, universities, NGOs, and international organizations, all of which bring in staff for several months at a time.

Scott: It sounds like adapting to this trend has been key to your success. What have you done to meet the needs of mid-term renters?

Charlotte: My main shifts have been focusing on the needs of longer stays, i.e, a separate workspace, a more complete kitchen set-up, clothing storage, improving appeal, and listening and responding to changing customer needs. Location will always be important, however the set-up and appeal of the property are equally important. I want my guests to feel comfortable and at home the moment they arrive.

Scott: How do you approach pricing, given the changes in demand and market conditions?

Charlotte: I use sophisticated software to analyze market demand and adjust the rental rates. After 14 years in business, I know the cyclical demands for rentals in  D.C.. I raise prices for last-minute bookings or high-demand periods like holidays and events. At other times, I may start with lower prices to build up occupancy, then gradually increase the rates as the property gains more visibility. It’s about being flexible and responding to the market.

Scott: What about the new regulations—how have they impacted your business?

Charlotte: The new regulations did significantly impact my inventory, as I mentioned earlier. But the mid-term rental demand has been strong. In fact, business has been growing steadily since 2020. People warned me that my business would collapse, but it’s been quite the opposite. I’ve adapted, and LUXbnb is thriving.

Scott: What other opportunities have you found in the current market?

Charlotte: I work with Realtors, because a temporary turn-key rental is often needed in the buying and selling process. When relocating to D.C. buyers appreciate a soft landing in a turn-key rental. It gives them time to explore neighborhoods and schools and look for the perfect home. Likewise, sellers too appreciate the flexibility of a turn-key temporary rental while they decide their next move. Another major opportunity has been the demand from homeowners who are renovating and need to vacate during construction.

Scott: You’ve also diversified your marketing platforms. Can you speak to that for our readers?

Charlotte: Yes, the first thing I did was make changes to my own website to ensure visitors knew LUXbnb handled furnished rentals for any length of stay, from 3 nights to 3 years. Additionally, while Airbnb and VRBO are important, I’ve found success using platforms for mid- and long-term rentals along with niche platforms like Furnished Finders and Sabbatical Homes. Depending on the property and its location, I’ll choose the platforms that best match my and my owners’ goals for the property, and the renters we are looking for. This has allowed me to reach a wider pool of potential renters and not rely on any one platform.

Scott: Compliance with local regulations is critical in this market. How do you manage that aspect?

Charlotte: Compliance is key, and I always make sure my properties are fully licensed with the various licenses that D.C. issues (short-term rental, vacation rental, single-family rental). Sometimes a property needs all three. Additionally, for all rental durations under 91 nights, we collect the 15.95% sales and use tax, and remit that monthly to the Office of Tax and Revenue. It’s an essential part of doing business here, and staying compliant keeps everything running smoothly.

Scott: You’ve also explored opportunities outside of  D.C. How has that experience been?

Charlotte: Yes, we have the infrastructure in place to expand in two directions. The first is Maryland, Virginia, and Delaware vacation homes. I am seeing good consistent demand with our pilot, so we plan to ramp this up. 

Scott: It sounds like you’ve built a resilient and adaptable business. Do you have any final thoughts on the future of the short-term and mid-term rental markets?

Charlotte: The rental landscape is always changing, but we know the mid-term rental market will continue to grow. We are riding the wave of market changes driven by societal shifts in how people work and travel. The demand for flexible, high-quality housing is only increasing. For now, I’m focused on providing the best possible experience for my renters and staying ahead of the market trends.

Scott: Charlotte, thank you so much for sharing your insights. Your expertise and adaptability have clearly positioned LUXbnb as a leader in this space. 

Charlotte: Thank you, Scott, it’s been a pleasure partnering with Columbia Property Management. I’m excited about the opportunities ahead for both of our businesses, furnished rentals at LUXbnb and unfurnished property management through CPM.

As Charlotte’s experience with LUXbnb shows, the mid-term rental market in Washington, D.C., offers incredible opportunities for landlords who can navigate the new regulatory landscape. With the right strategies and partnerships, there’s plenty of room for success in this growing segment.

For more information about short to mid-term rentals, LUXbnb and Charlotte Perry, please visit luxbnb.com.

Scott Bloom is owner and senior property manager of Columbia Property Management. For more information and resources, visit ColumbiaPM.com.

Electric vehicles are charging ahead, despite recent saber rattling by politicians. After testing a bevy of EVs, the rides below certainly got my motor running. 

BMW iX (midsize SUV)

Price: $89,000-$113,000

Range: 288 to 324 miles

0 to 60 mph: 4.0 seconds

Cargo space: 35.5 cu. ft.

WHAT’S TO LIKE: Fun styling. Funky steering wheel. Floating center console. Oh, and cameras, radar and other sensors hidden in the grille, which has a special coating to magically erase minor scratches and dings. I was blown away when the BMW iX debuted in 2022. Three years later, the thrill is still there. Acceleration, cornering and braking? All breathtaking, in both the base model xDrive50 and high-test M60. Gizmos now include eye-tracking software so you can change lanes simply by glancing toward one of the side-view mirrors. An expansive digital monitor above the dash holds both a 14.9-inch infotainment display and 12.3-inch digital gauge cluster. And many materials — such as carpet and floor mats — are recycled. A truly eclectic electric? You bet.

CADILLAC LYRIQ (midsize SUV)

Price: $60,000-$70,000

Range: 314 miles

0 to 60 mph: 5.7 seconds

Cargo space: 28.0 cu. ft.

WHAT’S TO LIKE: If a BMW iX is cutting edge (say, like “Transformers One”), then a Cadillac Lyriq is old-school cool (a la “Deadpool & Wolverine”). Handsome design. Familiar feel. Quiet cabin. Handling is more affable than athletic. Ditto the acceleration. The land-yacht aura extends to the seats, which are cushy instead of taut. For older — er, more mature — drivers, this is a plus. But there’s plenty of tech here, too: 33-inch digital display, tri-zone climate control, hands-free driving, wireless charging pad and so on. When first sliding behind the wheel, I wished the navigation/infotainment interface was more intuitive. But a stellar voice-assistant system more than made up for it.

KIA EV 9 (large SUV) 

Price: $57,000-$76,000

Range: 230 to 304 miles

0 to 60 mph: 4.9 seconds

Cargo space: 20.2 cu. ft.

WHAT’S TO LIKE: A cyborg in the city? With Robocop styling and Tron-like finesse, the Kia EV9 looks and feels out of this world. Three-row seating, with scads of passenger room. Lowering all the rear seats expands cargo capacity to fit more than 15 suitcases. And unlike most EVs, the EV9 can tow up to 5,000 pounds. Yet the hulky hauler behaves like a nimble ninja, easily darting in and out of traffic. At almost 6,000 pounds, the King Kong Kia is three tons of fun —literally. There are so many creature comforts — self-leveling suspension, ambient lighting, massage seats, rear-window shades, 14-speaker Meridian audio—you would think this was a Range Rover. 

MERCEDES EQE (midsize SUV)

Price: $80,000-$110,000

Range: 265 to 307 miles

0 to 60 mph: 5.6 seconds

Cargo space: 14.0 cu. ft.

WHAT’S TO LIKE: Luxury is as luxury does and Mercedes does luxury well. With a dashing design, silken ride and hushed interior, the EQE sets a high bar. Four trim levels, including the awe-inspiring AMG with 617 horsepower. Everything is state-of-the-art: powertrains, suspension, safety, multipixel headlights, cabin air purifier, Burmeister stereo and more. An augmented-reality nav system monitors traffic, weather and such, then conveys this info into graphic overlays on the head-up display. And the standard faux leather seats? They look and feel like the real thing. One downside: minimal cargo space. But then, there’s always a full-size EQS topping out at $180,000. 

NISSAN ARIYA (compact SUV)

Price: $40,000-$56,000

Range: 205 to 289 miles

0 to 60 mph: 7.5 seconds

Cargo space: 22.8 cu. ft.

WHAT’S TO LIKE: Cute, compact, comfy. It’s easy to like a Nissan Ariya, with its cheeky exterior, composed handling and low price. Choice of two battery packs, as well as two-wheel or all-wheel drive. Base-model pricing is hard to beat, but beware the tradeoffs: pokey acceleration and reduced range. Luckily, the other trim levels offer more oomph. All Ariyas come loaded: LED headlights, heated steering wheel, heated front/rear seats, nav system, head-up display and lots of safety gear. Notable options: panoramic sunroof, hands-free liftgate, limited hands-free cruise control, automated parking and illuminated kick plates. Overall, I found the ride smooth, though not sporty. Racing mavens may want to look elsewhere, but it’ll cost you. 

SUBARU SOLTERRA (compact SUV)

Price: $40,000-$47,000

Range: 222 to 227 miles

0 to 60 mph: 6.1 seconds

Cargo space: 27.7 cu. ft.

WHAT’S TO LIKE: The first EV from Subaru — the Solterra — boasts origami-like flair. Built in tandem with the quirkily named Toyota bZ4X, both SUVs fall a bit short in battery range —less than 230 miles. But the Solterra comes standard with all-wheel drive, roof rails and front cross-traffic alert. Plus, it now has faster charging times, as well as hands-free driving at up to 25 mph and an automatic lane-changing system used in conjunction with the turn signal. While not a true off-roader, this “Subie” has above-average ground clearance — 8.3 inches — to better tackle snow and potholes. And I liked all the storage compartments, along with dual-level cargo floor to fit extra luggage.