‘Frighten the Horses: A Memoir’
By Oliver Radclyffe
c.2024, Roxane Books/Grove Atlantic
$28/352 pages

Finding your own way.

It’s a rite of passage for every young person, a necessity on the path to adulthood. You might have had help with it. You might have listened to your heart alone on the quest to find your own way. And sometimes, as in the new memoir, “Frighten the Horses” by Oliver Radclyffe, you may have to find yourself first.

If you had observed Oliver Radclyffe in a random diner a few years ago, you’d have seen a blonde, bubbly, but harried mother with four active children under age seven and a distracted husband. You probably wouldn’t have seen trouble, but it was there.

“Nicky,” as Radclyffe was known then, was simmering with something that was just coming to the forefront.

As a young child, Nicky’d been raised in comfort in a family steeped in genteel British wealth, attended a private all-girl’s school, and never wanted for anything. She left all that behind as a young adult, and embraced the biker lifestyle and everything it entailed. The problem now wasn’t that she missed her old ways; it was that she hated life as a wife and mother. Her dreams were filled with fantasies of “exactly who I was: a man on a motorbike, in love with a woman.”

But being a man? No, that wasn’t quite right.

It took every bit of courage she had to say she was gay, that she thought constantly about women, that she hated sex with men. When she told her husband, he was hurt but mostly unbothered, insisting that she tell absolutely no one. They could remain married and just go forward. Nothing had to change.

But everything had already changed for Nicky.

Once she decided finally to come out, she learned that friends had already suspected. Family was supportive. It would be OK. But as Nicky began to experiment with a newfound freedom to be with women, one thing became clear: having sex with a woman was better when she imagined doing it as a man.

In his opening chapter, author Oliver Radclyffe shares an anecdote about the confusion the father of Radclyffe’s son’s friend had when picking up the friend. Readers may feel the same sentiment.

Fortunately, “Frighten the Horses” gets better — and it gets worse. Radclyffe’s story is riveting, told with a voice that’s distinct, sometimes poker-faced, but compelling; you’ll find yourself agreeing with every bit of his outrage and befuddlement with coming out in a way that feels right. When everything falls into place, it’s a relief for both author and reader.

And yet, it’s hard to get to this point because this memoir is just too long. It lags where you’ll wish it didn’t. It feels like being burrito-wrapped in a heavy-weighted blanket: You don’t necessarily want out, but you might get tired of being in it.

Still, it remains that this peek at transitioning, however painful, is essential reading for anyone who needs to understand how someone figures things out. If that’s you, then consider “Frighten the Horses” and find it.

The latest in the scandal involving “Emilia Peréz”’s trans star and Best Actress nominee Karla Sofía Gascón is Netflix deciding to part ways with her even after her public apology and statement regarding not withdrawing from the nomination. 

“I have been labeled a racist and I need to be clear that I am not. I feel like I’ve been judged, sentenced, crucified, and stoned without a fair trial and without an option to defend myself,” said Gascón in an interview with CNN en Español. 

According to Variety and the Hollywood Reporter, Netflix has cut Gascón out of the campaign for the Oscars. This move comes even after Gascón issued an apology through a statement on her social media and in an interview with CNN en Español. On Thursday she was set to be seated with co-star Selena Gomez, Zoe Saldaña and the film’s writer-director, Jacques Audiard for the AFI Awards luncheon — a gathering at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills. On Friday, she was set to attend the Critics Choice Awards. On Saturday, she was set to serve as presenter at the Producers Guild Awards, which happen to be going on at the same time as the Directors Guild Awards. According to THR, she will not be attending the events. 

The Spaniard actress found herself at the center of controversy surrounding the Netflix original being nominated for 13 Oscars after freelance culture writer Sarah Hagi uncovered the actress’s stream of consciousness on display on X, formerly Twitter. Hagi found tweets from as far back as 2020, revealing Gascón’s views on Muslims, George Floyd, China, and vaccines.

In her hour-long interview with CNN en Español, she defended her position on the issue stating that she feels that she was unfairly targeted, while not being given the opportunity to defend the position she stood behind while writing those tweets. 

She goes on to say that she “supports the Black Lives Matter movement obviously” and that the tweets about George Floyd “were taken out of context.” In the interview, she goes on to say she was highlighting the hypocrisy of humanity in that moment in history. According to Gascón, what she noticed during that time was that only after Floyd’s death did people care about him, but prior to his death, they did not help him or care about his struggles. 

“I do not identify with any political party and I have my own opinions about issues that might have been one thing in the past, but have now shifted because I have learned many things about respect, love and with the spiritual practice of Buddhism,” said Gascón. 

In the interview, she also pulls the “I have a friend who’s Black, so I’m not racist,” card by saying she has a very close family friend who is Muslim, in response to the line of questioning about her being Islamophobic and only through very heavy discussions with her, has Gascón truly come to understand the implications of her words against the culture and religion, as well as the differences between the cultures. 

“Emilia Peréz” was already facing an upward battle to gain popularity, as it was a French production about México. Audiences criticized the film for various reasons and yet, it was still nominated for Best Picture, Critics Choice Award for Best Picture, Academy Award for Best Directing, and many others. 

Gascón deleted her X account shortly after the tweets were discovered and is now facing the cold shoulder from Netflix. Variety and THR, reported that the streaming giant is no longer directly communicating with Gascón – only through representatives. 

Whether or not this is a witch hunt for a trans actress at the height of her career, Gascón now has first-hand experience in dealing with what it means to misuse a platform by sharing her views on issues she said herself, she did not understand. 

CAMP Rehoboth Theatre Company will kick off its 2025 season with its first-ever poetry jam followed by a full-stage production of “5 Lesbians Eating a Quiche” on Friday, Feb. 21 at 5 p.m. at CAMP Rehoboth’s Elkins-Archibald Atrium.

CAMP Rehoboth Poetry Jam Poets / Performers include: Debbie Bricker, Kari Ebert, Shelley Blue Grabel, Lavance John, Vanita Leatherwood, Syd Linders, Ellie Maher, Jane Miller, Gwen Osborne, Coco Silveira, Guillermo Silverira, Laura Unruh, Paul Unruh, and Sherri Wright.

“5 Lesbians Eating A Quiche,” which will run from March 7-9 debuted at CAMP Rehoboth in fall of 2022, and features returning cast members Karen Laitman, Kelly Sheridan, Gwen Osborne, Darcy Vollero, and Shelley Kingsbury, and is directed by Teri Seaton. The absurdist comedy follows the Susan B. Anthony Society for the Sisters of Gertrude Stein having their annual quiche breakfast in 1956. Winner of the 2012 NYC International Fringe Festival as Best Overall Production, “5 Lesbians Eating A Quiche” is a tasty recipe of hysterical laughs, sexual innuendos, unsuccessful repressions, and delicious discoveries. For more information, visit CAMP Rehoboth’s website.