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Queery: Ba’Naka/Dustin Schaad

The local drag favorite answers 20 gay questions

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Ba'Naka performing on 17th Street. (Blade file photo by Michael Key)

Dustin Schaad — aka Ba’Naka — came to Washington in the winter of 2003 during a rough time in his life. He’d been through a breakup, couldn’t afford college and was on the outs with his parents, so he came to stay with an aunt who was here and life started improving.

The 25-year-old Bradenton, Fla., native had already started dabbling in drag. He’d been doing drag shows at a place called Triangles in Sarasota, Fla., a few nights a week. When he got to Washington, local drag legend Kristina Kelly took him under her wing and he started appearing with her at Omega and Apex occasionally then as a regular at BeBar in 2007.

As Ba’Naka — whose name came about during a middle-of-the-night Wal-Mart confrontation in his home state — Schaad’s drag star has only risen. Ba’Naka is a regular at Town and just won the drag queen favorite award in the Blade’s annual “Best Of” readers’ poll. With Town cohort Shi-Queeta-Lee, Ba’Naka was on “America’s Got Talent” a few years ago.

“Ba’Naka and Dustin are really the same people,” Schaad says. “We’re both loud and boisterous and in some ways I’m even more comfortable going out as her. Drag queens can get away with murder — all kinds of stuff I could never get away with as Dustin.”

Schaad says drag is an art form and that the LGBT community at large should appreciate queens more.

“I always remind people it was a drag queen who threw the first brick at Stonewall so everybody enjoying their gay life today has a drag queen to thank.”

By day Schaad is a buyer for Universal Gear where he’s worked for about seven years. He likes working there but also fantasizes about doing drag — which he calls a passion — full time.

Schaad enjoys fashion design, art, movies, shopping and travel and lives in Silver Spring. He’s single and now on good terms with his parents, grandparents and four younger sisters. Since he works in gay clubs — Ba’Naka co-hosts the package contest on Thursdays at Cobalt in addition to her work at Town — he can often be found on off nights at Stetson’s, a straight bar on U Street. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?

I came out when I was 15. The hardest person I came out to is a tie between my Grandmothers Hazel and Rose. I was afraid to tell them because these women were my rocks growing up and I was afraid that they would disapprove. I was blessed that they both accepted me with open arms.

Who’s your gay hero?

Lena Lett — she’s clever, witty and has a tongue sharper than a Ginsu knife but she is also a beacon of compassion and generosity, who’s given me many pearls of wisdom over the years.

What is Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?

Of course I love where I work, Cobalt and Town, but some of my fondest nightlife memories, as blurry as they may be, are from the old BeBar Days circa ’07. I had so much fun, often followed by the worst hangovers imaginable.

Describe your dream gay wedding.

One in which I have all of my friends and family and a man that I am head over heels for — and a 29-inch waist! (Note that I will NOT have a tacky beach wedding or wear white, I mean let’s be honest.)

What non-gay issue are you most passionate about?

Prepping for the Zombie-Apocalypse … girl, I am stock piled on canned foods and have a fabulous pair of thigh-high combat boots on order.

What historical outcome would you change?

The 2000 presidential election results because seriously we all could have done without the pain, fear and suffering brought on by eight years of Bush.

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

The Britney/Madonna kiss … come on! Scandalous!

On what do you insist?

Condoms … men are dogs, they tend to roam and I don’t want fleas brought home.

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?

“The maid alphabetized my porn! Good for her!”

If your life were a book, what would the title be?

“Taffeta & Shattered Dreams: My life in the Tragic Queendom.”

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?

I would personally lead a One Queen Revolution against it! I was born gay and I love my life … I wouldn’t want to be any other way.

What do you believe in beyond the physical world?

Really? You’re asking a drag queen about her meta-physical philosophies? No one cares what I think. Ask me about glitter and shiny things!

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?

Cut the crap, drop the egos. Equality is an American birthright. Focus on that.

What would you walk across hot coals for?

Justin, the love of my life. He passed away this year and I would do anything to bring him back.

What gay stereotype annoys you most?

Gay stereotypes don’t annoy me; I find them hysterical!

What’s your favorite gay movie?

“Spice World.” If that’s not a gay movie I don’t know what is.

What’s the most overrated social custom?

Trust. Wait, does that make me cynical?

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

Ha! Don’t laugh, but my Pinewood Derby trophy from Cub Scouts. This sissyboy showed those manly men how it was done!

What do you wish you’d known at 18?

That my metabolism would betray me age 23.

Why Washington?

I moved to D.C. in 2003 after high school. I had broken up with my boyfriend, I couldn’t afford college on my own and I desperately needed to get out of Florida. I had an aunt who lived up here and offered me a way out and I moved up and started a new adventure. I fell in love with D.C. because it gave me the chance at a new start. I love this city and I love our LGBT community. It’s home!

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Real Estate

Don’t procrastinate buying your home

Some experts predict rates will fall in June

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Spring is in the air and it’s a great time to buy a new home.

As springtime fills the air, cherry blossoms are blooming, much of the year still lies ahead and many have started to think about how they are progressing with their 2024 goals. If the dream of buying a house was put on hold when the interest rates went from 3% to almost 8%, and life got in the way of an idea that had gotten onto your to-do list, maybe now is the time to dust it off. 

Mortgage lender Tina Del Casale from Sandy Spring Bank says, “There is still hope the Fed will be happy with inflation numbers by June to finally pull the trigger on lowering interest rates.”  

The rates might not be as low as they were in 2021, but historically, they are still not as high as they were 20 years ago. Some people’s parents remember getting interest rates that were 12%, 14% or even higher.   

One of the biggest questions I get at homebuyer seminars is about is the process. What is buying a house ACTUALLY like?  I usually tell them that it’s like anything else. One step at a time. One form at a time. One bank transfer at a time. One house showing at a time. One home inspection at a time. If you have the wherewithal to plan a vacation, you can buy a house. 

  • Finding a Realtor
  • Finding a lender to get pre-approved (how much is your budget and what is a comfortable monthly payment)
  • Are there any first-time buyer programs that could be used? Is there down payment assistance?
  • Looking at the houses.
  • Finding one you like, and putting an offer together:
    • An offer usually involves a sales contract, any special forms that the jurisdictions require (lead-based paint acknowledgements, what appliances and systems in the house are included/excluded, if the home is part of a homeowners association, or a condo association, etc.)
    • Any forms related to getting an inspection done.
    • Who is selling the house, who is buying the house, how much is it being sold for, where it is exactly, and who are the others involved in the transaction (title company, agents, etc.)?
  • Getting any inspections done.
  • Negotiating any changes in the sales price or terms, or credits for inspection items.
  • Getting the final approval for the loan and then going to settlement.

Many people get interested in buying a house, but the “unknown” of it all can be daunting. It could be that the best way to think about it, is that like most things in life, you can’t cross every bridge BEFORE you get there. You just take it one day at a time. Some things will be surprisingly easy. Some things will require the advice of experienced lenders, Realtors, home inspectors and title attorneys.  

But if the process doesn’t begin somewhere, somehow, the idea just stays in one’s head in the “to do list” file.  And then 3 years go by, 5 years go by, 7 years go by. And your friends that DID buy a house laugh themselves to the bank when they go to sell the house they bought 3 years ago, 5 years ago, or 7 years ago.

If you need any recommendations for a local lender or Realtor, please don’t hesitate to ask.

Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with Metro Referrals. Reach him at [email protected] or 703-587-0597.

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Advice

Giving up drinking is killing our relationship

What happens when one partner is sober and the other isn’t

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I’m a 38-year-old guy, was single for most of my 30s, which I didn’t like at all, and I finally met a great guy last Memorial Day Weekend. 

Until New Year’s I would have said that everything was going great. I was on Cloud Nine. Eric is kind, handsome, smart, and a great catch.

But in December he decided to do “Dry January.” It was kind of on a whim I think. We were out with some friends and one of them said he was not going to drink at all for the month of January. He thought alcohol was playing too big a role in his life so he wanted to see what life would be like without it. Another friend said he would do it too, and then Eric said he would.

I wish we hadn’t gone out that night and then this whole thing wouldn’t have happened.

So, as the month progressed, Eric started talking more and more about how much better he was feeling without alcohol in his body or his life.

I don’t think we drank that much pre-January. Yes, we’d have something to drink every time we went out, with friends or just together, but not to excess.

At some point, Eric started saying that he wasn’t really enjoying going out with our friends, as he wasn’t drinking and they were (except the two friends who were also doing the Dry January thing). This meant I’d either go out without him (which I didn’t like) or we’d stay home, or go out just the two of us. But then if I’m drinking and he’s not, it just feels awkward. He hasn’t said anything but I feel like he’s judging me whenever I have a drink.

I was hoping he’d relax about the whole thing at the end of the month but now he’s decided he doesn’t want to drink anymore at all.

To make matters worse, he says that the month made him think more about the big role alcohol plays in his life (his words) and he has started going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

So where does this leave me? I do want to keep drinking. I’m just a social drinker and I don’t have a problem with alcohol. I think it adds a fair amount of fun to my life. Plus, all my friends drink (including the two who did Dry January) and it’s a big part of our socializing. If you don’t drink when everyone else is drinking, it’s really not fun and it feels weird.

At this point Eric doesn’t go out with the friend group we were going out with because he doesn’t have a good time as the only non-drinker. (I get it, that’s one of the reasons I drink when my friends are drinking.) So I go out sometimes without him, which as I mentioned doesn’t feel so good, and which I don’t think is great for our relationship; or I don’t go out with my friends, which I don’t like.

I love Eric and I could see us having a great life together but his not drinking has opened what feels like a chasm between us.

How do couples handle this situation, where one person wants to stop drinking and the other does not? The impact is seeming increasingly huge to me and I don’t see how to make it stop being a divisive problem.

Michael replies:

I don’t think that Eric’s sobriety needs to be a divisive problem, if you can tolerate that you don’t get to have your life with Eric be exactly as you would like. 

This is the same dilemma that everyone in a serious relationship must face. Our partners are always different from us in some important ways, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first. And we have to figure out how to live with these differences, contentedly for the most part.  Our partners face the same challenge. 

Of course, not every difference can be (or should be) resolvable. For example, if one person is determined to parent and the other person is determined to be child-free, it makes great sense to part ways — unless one person decides they’d rather stay with their partner than have it their way.  

You and Eric have to figure out if your differences around alcohol are a deal-breaker, or if you can find a way to build a solid relationship, even as you drink socially and he is sober.

Whether and how you do this are for the two of you to figure out.  That said, here are some ideas for your consideration: 

  • Can you accept Eric’s not joining you for some or even many of your social activities?
  • Can you and Eric talk about what might help him be more comfortable joining your friends now and then?
  • Can you ask Eric what it’s like for him when you are drinking, rather than assuming that he is judging you? (Important question for your consideration: What led you to make that assumption rather than asking him?)
  • If Eric is making friends in Alcoholics Anonymous, would you want to join him at times when he socializes with them? 

The main ingredients here are generosity, flexibility, collaboration, and curiosity.

Speaking of curiosity, rather than wishing that the two of you had missed that invitation to participate in Dry January, how about being curious about Eric’s decision to stop drinking? I suspect that your dismissiveness has a negative impact on his desire to be close to or confide in you. If you are curious about this important life change that Eric is undertaking, you will certainly learn a lot about your boyfriend, and likely deepen your connection.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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Real Estate

Down payment strategies: Financing your home purchase 

Understanding the options key to unlocking the door to a dream home

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Looking for your dream home? First, you need to understand how to make the down payment.

Navigating the path to homeownership can be a complex journey, especially when it comes to accumulating the necessary down payment. For members of our LGBTQ community, understanding the available options for saving and financing this crucial aspect of home buying is key to unlocking the door to their dream home. Let’s explore effective methods and resources specifically designed to support LGBTQ individuals on their path to homeownership.

Traditional Savings Strategies

Saving for a down payment often begins with traditional methods such as setting aside a portion of your income into a dedicated savings account. High-yield savings accounts and automated savings plans, some offering up to 5% interest in today’s market, can expedite the process, providing a disciplined approach to accumulate funds over time. Additionally, exploring investment opportunities that match your risk tolerance can offer potential growth for your down payment savings.

Down Payment Assistance Programs

A variety of down payment assistance programs exist to help homebuyers with their initial costs. These programs often offer grants or low-interest loans to first-time homebuyers or those who haven’t owned a home in the past three years. 

It’s essential to speak with a GayRealEstate.com agent to determine what programs may be available, plus online research into local and state assistance programs, as many are designed to support individuals in specific communities, including the LGBTQ+ community.

For medical professionals, police, teachers, firefighters, and other community heroes, there are several special loan and assistance programs designed to help with home purchases, often offering benefits like down payment assistance, reduced closing costs, and more favorable loan terms.

The Hero Home Loan Program provides first responders, including police officers, firefighters, and paramedics, with benefits such as lower interest rates and reduced closing costs. This program aims to make homeownership more accessible by offering more flexible credit score requirements and down payment assistance .

For educators, firefighters, law enforcement officers, and medical professionals, the Everyday Hero Housing Assistance Fund (EHHAF) offers closing cost assistance through gift funds. This program is designed to support those who serve their communities by making homeownership more affordable, with no repayment required for the grant funds​​.

The HUD Good Neighbor Next Door Program offers up to 50% off the list price of homes for law enforcement officers, pre-Kindergarten through 12th-grade teachers, firefighters, and emergency medical technicians. This initiative aims to encourage community revitalization by assisting these professionals in homeownership within the communities they serve​​.

Homes for Heroes provides assistance specifically to first responders and offers significant savings through Hero Rewards when buying, selling, or refinancing a home. On average, participants save $3,000, with the program offering real estate and mortgage specialist connections tailored to the needs of first responders​​.

LGBTQ-Friendly Lending Options

Finding a lender that understands and supports the unique needs of our LGBTQ community can make a significant difference. Some lenders and organizations specialize in offering inclusive financial products and resources to assist LGBTQ+ homebuyers. These may include specialized mortgage products, financial planning services, and guidance through the home buying process.

The journey to homeownership is a milestone that requires careful planning and support. Remember, every step taken towards saving and financing your home purchase brings you closer to the dream of homeownership.

(GayRealEstate.com offers valuable resources and advice tailored to meet the unique needs of our LGBTQ+ community in their journey towards homeownership. For more comprehensive guidance and support in navigating the home buying process, visit GayRealEstate.com choose an agent and start a no-obligation conversation today.)

Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at [email protected].

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