Living
The art of mattress shopping
You’ll spend 25 years on it, so choose carefully
A mattress is one of the most important pieces of furniture purchased over a lifetime. After all, if you get the recommended six to eight hours of sleep per night, you will spend at least 25 years on a mattress.
After 23 years of flipping and rotating my Stearns & Foster Dynasty Gold innerspring mattress, I decided it was time to move my sleeping experience into the current century. Little did I know about the diversity of options available.
Similar to most careful consumers, my search began with a review of Consumer Reports. I knew there would be trouble when their article began: “Buying a bed is no picnic. Comparison shopping is almost impossible because different retailers rarely call a model by the same name.” CR issues ratings on brands based on subscriber feedback, not specific beds.
A Stearns & Foster Carried Away Ultra-Firm at Macy’s may be an Estate Collection Deacon Ridge Ultra-Firm at Sleepy’s. The only true way to determine if you are comparing apples to apples is to look at the federally mandated fabric label, which is confusing in its own right. You may need a rocket scientist to explain the difference between polyurethane, polyethylene, visco, and convoluted foam. Not to mention the pros/cons of cotton or latex. Then there is the gauge of the wires in an innerspring mattress.
My nearly one-year odyssey to find the perfect mattress began with the purchase of a Tempur-Pedic Advantage model. I was comforted (pun intended) with the knowledge that the memory foam was invented to provide astronauts comfort and support during lengthy space travel. Owners either love it or hate it. In a Consumer Reports survey, Tempur-Pedic obtained the highest score with 60 percent saying they would definitely buy again. I was the latter, as it felt as though I was sinking in quicksand, providing no back support and needing to leverage myself out of the memory foam.
After my space-race experience, I concluded my next stop on the mattress voyage would be an old-fashioned, two-sided (flippable) Shifman. In this case, a Lyons Firm innerspring with four layers of cotton and one layer of foam on either side of the springs. In theory, it was very similar to my old mattress. In reality, the only thing that got older was me. “The older we get, the more cushioning we need,” says freakishly knowledgeable, Bloomie’s mattress salesperson, Coleen Berger. The main pressure points when sleeping are hips and shoulders. If these areas are sore upon waking, you have the wrong mattress.
With expert advice at hand, my journey led to a one-sided Kluft Luxury Aireloom Camelia with top layers of Talalay “Latex” supported by urethane and visco foam. Despite numerous naps and hours in the store, after a night’s sleep, it was too soft and I was waking up with sore hips.
The best advice came near the end of this saga from 40-year Hecht’s/Macy’s furniture/sales veteran Patrick Knowles: “Ignore the construction and buy what feels good.” Easier said than done in my case. Despite spending several hours lying and napping in the store, there is no substitute for knowing how it will feel after a full night’s sleep. Nevertheless, short of a department store sleepover, plan to spend as much time as you can on each mattress before buying.
Most major mattress and department stores have an exchange policy, with a few allowing an actual return. Make sure you understand the terms of the exchange or return.
I am now the happy owner of the Select Comfort Sleep Number® mattress, which includes an adjustable air chamber with various comfort-layer options. A plus for couples is that the mattress can be purchased with dual chambers, which allows each side of the bed to be customized for firmness. The only thing you will disagree on is who is in charge of the firmness remote control.
Real Estate
Maximizing your homebuying strategy amid changing interest rates
Consult an expert when navigating unpredictable market

The Federal Reserve’s recent decision to pause its rate hikes and signal potential reductions in 2024 has sparked a wave of interest among prospective homebuyers. As the housing market remains dynamic, many are wondering if now is the right time to connect with a LGBTQ Realtor and embark on the house hunting journey.
In today’s real estate landscape, where factors like interest rates, market conditions, and personal financial readiness intersect, making informed decisions is key. Let’s explore the considerations involved in maximizing your homebuying strategy, even in the face of potential interest rate reductions down the road.
Assessing the Current Market
Before diving into the homebuying process, it’s crucial to understand the present real estate market conditions. Key factors include housing prices, inventory levels, and local real estate trends. These factors vary widely by location, and what may hold true in one area may not in another. The availability of homes, their affordability, and the demand for properties all play a role in shaping your homebuying experience.
Interest Rates and the Fed’s Actions
While the Federal Reserve’s influence on interest rates is substantial, it’s essential to remember that mortgage rates are influenced by various factors, including market forces, economic conditions, and global events. Predicting the exact timing and extent of rate reductions can be challenging. It’s wise to stay informed about financial news and seek guidance from experts when making rate-related decisions.
Your Financial Preparedness
Homeownership requires a solid financial foundation. Assess your readiness by considering factors such as your credit score, down payment savings, and debt-to-income ratio. Lenders scrutinize these aspects to determine your eligibility for a mortgage. It’s vital to have a stable income and job security, as this will impact your ability to handle homeownership costs.
If you’d like to get pre-qualified for a mortgage, ask your real estate agent for a referral.
Long-Term Plans
Think about your long-term plans and how they align with homeownership. Are you planning to settle in the area for an extended period, or is this a short-term investment? Evaluate your financial flexibility and whether you can comfortably manage homeownership expenses like maintenance, property taxes, and insurance.
Consulting with a Realtor
Connecting with a Realtor who understands your goals and the local market is invaluable. Realtors from platforms like GayRealEstate.com can provide insights into market conditions, housing options, and potential investment opportunities. They can help you assess whether now is the right time to start the house-hunting process based on your unique circumstances.
Refinancing as a Future Option
While securing a lower interest rate in the future is a possibility, it’s not guaranteed. Refinancing depends on your creditworthiness at that time and market conditions. Additionally, there are costs associated with refinancing, so it’s essential to calculate whether the potential savings outweigh the expenses.
The decision to buy a home should be a well-thought-out process that considers multiple factors, including interest rates. While the prospect of rate reductions is enticing, it should be evaluated alongside other crucial elements that shape your homeownership journey. Consulting with real estate professionals at GayReaEstate.com will empower you to make informed decisions, ensuring your homebuying strategy is optimized to your advantage.
Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at 303-378-5526 or [email protected]. You can also visit GayRealEstate.com.
Advice
Gay clone wonders if he’s part of an ant colony
Why do we cede control of our social lives to others?

Michael,
Looking at some photos from my weekends at the beach this summer, it struck me that me and my friends (gay men in our 30s-40s) all pretty much look alike. Practically the same haircut, gym body, swimwear, smile. I almost couldn’t tell who was who.
This got me thinking. I live in the same apartment building as a lot of my friends. We all have similar furniture and watch the same shows and eat at the same restaurants and go to the same clubs and dance to the same music and drink the same drinks and vacation in the same places and work out at the same gym and belong to the same sports leagues and go to the same concerts and have the same routines.
I’m not even sure who makes the decisions about what to do. Something is popular, or becomes popular, and it seems like fun and we’re all doing it. Then it’s on to the next thing. But who is deciding what all of us are doing, not doing, or no longer doing?
I think I’m happy, generally, having fun, but I have this strange feeling like I’m part of an ant colony instead of being an individual.
Is this just the way it is? We find our tribe and then we’re all going through life together like this?
Michael replies:
I think you are facing an unavoidable dilemma that comes with being human. How much do you give up your own individuality to fit in? Put differently, what price are you willing to pay, to live an honest life and be known as the person you really are?
Did you come out—which takes great effort and brings some risks—to live a life that is right for you? Or to live pretty much the same life that your friends are living?
If you are happy doing all the same things as your friends, without even knowing for sure why you’re spending your time (that is, your life) doing these things, no problem.
But you feel like you’re part of an ant colony. So clearly, this way of living doesn’t sit all that well with you.
What would you be doing if you weren’t following the group agenda? How would you cut your hair? Would you go to the gym as much? What shows would you like (or not like) to watch? Where would you vacation? Do you like the drinks you’re ordering?
And some more important questions: What do you deeply care about? What are your values? What are the sorts of things you want to dedicate your life to? Are you living in a way that reflects any of this?
This may be the only life you get. Using it well (in my view, at least) means deciding for yourself who you want to be and how you want to live.
Sometimes people are afraid to be different out of fear that they won’t fit in with their friend group. People often tell me they’re worried they will be criticized or viewed negatively for wanting to do things that are different from what “everyone” likes to do. No one wants to be left out of parties or dinners or vacation plans.
Do you think your friends would still want to spend time with you if you weren’t always on board with “the plan,” or suggested some new ideas for activities that you were genuinely interested in?
It’s possible that if you start developing more of an individual identity, you might fit in less with some (or even all) of your friends. Feeling lonely or unpopular is not fun. You may have to decide if that’s better or worse than putting on a persona to fit in and be accepted.
It’s also possible that you can be more thoughtful about what you do, sometimes say “no” and still be part of your friend group.
Even if your friends aren’t always on the same page, I’m hopeful you can continue to have close relationships with at least some of them. A real friendship should be able to tolerate different views and different interests. How could it be otherwise, when all of us are different in some big ways, even from our closest friends?
Thinking about your dilemma through this lens, you could view sharing more of yourself with your friends and letting them know you better as an invitation for greater closeness.
If you make any moves along these lines, perhaps you will find that some of your friends have similar feelings. You might be less alone than you think.
In any case, you will be choosing a more honest life and the opportunity to be known for whom you really are.
(Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].)
Financial
New Workforce Program Aims to Help Expand Economic Opportunity for the Trans Community
Finding inclusion while pursuing sustainable careers.

It was only a few years ago that Sudhesna Kusulia would travel 10 kilometers (about 6.21 mi) from her rural village in India to be able to connect to the internet.
The community she grew up in, Dangaria Kondh, had no network, electricity or constructed houses. When Kusulia got a smartphone in 2020, she gained a window to another world—one where she was able to explore the aspects of her identity she had suppressed since childhood.
“I realized I’m not alone,” says Sudhesna, who identifies as a trans woman. “I belong in the LGBTQ+ community. There are millions of people like me living life authentically.”
Growing up, Sudhesna had a love for fashion and Bollywood dancing, and recalls carefully selecting dresses and accessories for her sisters, while secretly wishing she could wear them herself. “The disconnect between my soul and the body I was in was very painful to experience,” she explains. Facing these challenges, Sudhesna struggled with depression throughout her journey to self-acceptance. “From a young age, people started bullying me. I isolated myself. I would just cry in my bedroom, beating the wall with no one to hear my pain.”
Social stigma, barriers to opportunities, and lack of family support often push transgender people to the fringes of the society. Though recent policy changes in India have reduced barriers and provided rights to the broader LGBTQ+ community—India’s Supreme Court decriminalized consensual same-sex sexual relations in 2018—there’s still a long way to go, especially when it comes to advancing equity and inclusion for the country’s gender expansive (transgender and nonbinary) population.
India is the 2023 JPMorgan Chase & Co.© second largest market worldwide in terms of number of employees, where is has been providing services to clients since 1945. Today, the bank has expanded its presence in India, growing its corporate centers across the country, which act as strategic hubs for JPMorgan Chase. Here, employees are working at the forefront of cloud computing, machine learning, artificial intelligence, data science, operations and so much more that is used around the world.
At JPMorgan Chase, the Office of LGBTQ+ Affairs is committed to advancing equity and inclusion for the LGBTQ+ community globally. One of the ways the office works to do this is by ensuring all employees and potential employees have an equal opportunity to pursue their full potential and enjoy a fulfilling career. Recognizing both the unique struggles of the trans community in India as well as the immense talent pool that is leading the way for new business and innovation in the region, JPMorgan Chase worked with PeriFerry to create a transgender internship program in 2022. PeriFerry is a first-of-its-kind social enterprise in India that creates upskilling and employment opportunities for the gender expansive community.
“Across industries, we see that transgender and nonbinary people do not experience equal opportunities to thrive in their careers and achieve sustainable livelihoods,” says Brad Baumoel, global head of JPMorgan Chase’s Office of LGBTQ+ Affairs. “At JPMorgan Chase, we’re committed to creating pathways for the next generation of trans and nonbinary leaders to develop and thrive in their careers.”
Advancing careers in an inclusive workplace
When Sudhesna went to college in 2016 and came out to her parents in 2020, it was a turning point. She finally felt comfortable in her skin and felt ready to pursue her dreams. But while she was ready to enter the workforce, she was worried her identity would hold her back. A friend suggested she connect with PeriFerry.
Sudhesna landed a spot in PeriFerry’s REVIVE program, a residential corporate training program designed for transgender individuals to venture into the workforce with confidence and acceptance, providing training opportunities in professional English communication, digital literacy, financial literacy, aptitude enhancement, resume building, and interview preparation. That’s how she found JPMorgan Chase.
Through PeriFerry’s REVIVE program, JPMorgan Chase creates dedicated internship roles to gender expansive people across the company’s three corporate centers in India. The 20-week program, inclusive of on-the-job training, is made up of eight weeks of classroom training by PeriFerry, followed by a 12-week internship with JPMorgan Chase. The first and the second cohort had 13 and 11 transgender candidates respectively, who interned across different parts of the business and in operations teams. Interns also were able to participate with the bank’s internal Gender Expansive Council, which organized sessions where employees shared their personal experiences as trans leaders at the bank.
Since the internship program launched in June 2022, it has resulted in the hire of over 20 full-time employees.
Connecting with the community for support
While her personal journey has been challenging, and despite rising anti-LGBTQ+ laws and sentiment across the globe, Sudhesna wants to inspire other transgender youth to recognize the beauty in themselves. “It’s a struggle for us. It will take decades before we feel complete acceptance, but it needs to be done. It has to be done,” she says.
According to Sudhesna, the two critical areas that the trans community needs support on are finding steady, respectful employment and a good, safe place to live. Across the globe, JPMorgan Chase supports nonprofits dedicated to advancing economic inclusion for the most vulnerable members of the LGBTQ+ community, including transgender youth and elder communities.
Learn more about how JPMorgan Chase is helping expand economic opportunity for the LGBTQ+ community, and advance equality and inclusion for employees globally.
Visit our careers page for opportunities.
© 2023 JPMorgan Chase & Co. All rights reserved. JPMorgan Chase is an Equal Opportunity Employer, including Disability/Veterans.
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