Living

The Maryland originals

Couples from the 2004 lawsuit rejoice at state’s marriage passing

Published

13 years ago

March 8, 2012

Dave Kolesar, left, and his partner, Patrick Wojahn, in Annapolis for last week's Maryland marriage bill signing. (Blade photo by Michael Key)

There’s no questioning Charles Blackburn’s love for partner Glen Dehn: He met the now-retired government worker at a party, moved in immediately and is still with him 33 years later.

Yet the pair has never walked down the aisle — not because the men didn’t want to, but because the state of Maryland said they couldn’t.

“We could never understand how a committed relationship of two gays or two lesbians could possibly hurt a heterosexual marriage and we haven’t been told yet,” says Blackburn, who, urged by a friend, signed the couple up to join a 2004 lawsuit for same-sex marriage in Maryland.

Years later, the Blackburn-Dehn couple is among 19 original plaintiffs rejoicing in the wake of a newly signed measure legalizing gay marriages in Maryland. Gov. Martin O’Malley signed the bill into law on March 1; Maryland joins D.C. and six states in legalizing gay marriages. The Civil Marriage Protection Act is scheduled to take effect in January, though a voter referendum in November could kill the measure before then.

For now, the signing brings to a close a fight that’s meandered from the failed lawsuit, to legislative hearings and finally, to the governor’s desk.

As the fight for marriage has twisted and turned, so too have the lives of those original couples — through family changes, relationship endings and new beginnings.

Yet through it all, several of the original plaintiffs tell The Blade they’re glad to have played a role in securing the rights of same-sex couples and families in Maryland and beyond.

“Whatever obstacles you face, you want to make it better for yourself but you also want to leave a path that’s a little bit better for the people who come behind you,” says Gita Deane, who joined the suit with partner Lisa Polyak. “I don’t for a minute think that we shouldn’t have done it.”

‘We had to do it’

Polyak and Deane were living the life of the average family with two young daughters when a turn at the microphone during a town hall near their Baltimore home changed everything.

“(We) just spoke about the difficulties of our lives being parents and about things we wanted to do for our kids that we couldn’t,” says Polyak, who later got a call from the American Civil Liberties Union.

The civil liberties group was looking for couples to join a lawsuit to be filed in Baltimore with the cooperation of Equality Maryland. The groups would charge that a state law denying same-sex couples the right to marry violated the Maryland Constitution.

Joining the case could mean helping pave the way for their family and similar families to enjoy the financial and emotional benefits of legal marriage. But it could also mean harassment.

“I had a great many worries about how this would impact my children,” Deane says. “When we had time to talk to the lawyer ACLU my first question was, ‘Is anybody going to send us hate mail or put up signs on our front yard?'”

Farther south in Riverdale, Md., Mikkole Mozelle was also apprehensive when her then partner Lisa Kebreau mentioned getting involved in the case she’d heard about through an email — but for different reasons.

“I guess I always thought something like this was extraordinary people fighting extraordinary struggles and we were just your everyday, average couple. It caught me off guard, but in a good way,” says Mozelle, a black woman who eventually embraced the idea of changing the largely white face of the gay marriage push.

The planned lawsuit would be one in a string filed by the ACLU, its partners and affiliates on behalf of same-sex couples seeking marriage equality in New York, Oregon, California and the state of Washington.

ACLU attorneys would eventually file suit in state court in Baltimore in July 2004 on behalf of nine couples and a widowed man. Among them were Kebreau and Mozelle, Polyak and Deane.

“It would never have been my choice to be public about my life,” Deane says. “(But) we had to do it because we had children and we have a responsibility to our children to make sure we’re able to take care of them.”

A matter of families and finance

From the beginning, the plaintiffs have argued the marriage question had less to do with certificates and ceremonies and more to do with tax breaks, health insurance and the other practical benefits that rise in importance as families grow and couples mature.

Dave Kolesar was just 18 years old when an infection led to brain surgery and a dim prognosis. Now 34, he’s in great condition, but worries along with his partner Patrick Wojahn about after effects.

They joined the case a year after Wojahn had proposed to Kolesar.

“In case something else were to happen to him, we wanted to be assured that I would be able to take care of him,” Wojahn says.

For plaintiff John Lestitian, that “what if” scenario became a reality in 2003, when his partner of more than a decade died suddenly. A subsequent battle over the home they shared and his final resting place encouraged him to join the suit.

“I’d gone through a situation of a contested will and dealing with the aftermath of the death,” he says. “My personal experience made me all the more willing to step forward.”

Yet for other plaintiffs, the choice to make their private lives personal stemmed in part from financial concerns. For instance, Charles Blackburn is blocked from sharing his partner’s federal health benefits, which he estimates could save the couple several thousand dollars each year.

Polyak and Deane estimate they’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars yearly on separate health insurance policies and the adoptions of each other’s biological children.

Despite the money spent, the couples remain financially at risk.

“We’ve done as much as we can through wills and legal things,” Deane says. “But we can only cover about eight of the 1,000 benefits that come with marriage on our own.”

Reaching the victory lap

On March 1, Patrick Wojahn and Dave Kolesar joined dozens of same-sex couples, gay lawmakers and advocates who stood behind O’Malley as he signed the historic bill in Annapolis.

“It was just electrifying,” Wojahn says. “There was so much excitement in the air.”

The bill-signing ceremony came just one week after the Maryland Senate voted 25 to 22 to approve the measure, and nearly five years after the Maryland Court of Appeals voted 4 to 3 to uphold state law barring same-sex marriage, ending the ACLU’s suit.

The ACLU and Equality Maryland immediately took the push to the General Assembly, and the plaintiffs largely went back to their normal lives.

Wojahn and Kolesar married in D.C last year, as did Polyak and Deane, who said they tired of waiting on legislators.

Lestitian found a new love and also married in D.C. in 2010, while Mozelle and partner Kebreau split in early 2009.

Still, Mozelle says she believes her partner is as pleasantly surprised as she is that the legislation went through.

“I feared that it wouldn’t,” she says, “but I prayed that it would.”

Some of the couples, like Wojahn and Kolesar, plan to re-marry in Maryland to ensure all of their rights.

For Blackburn and Dehn, both in their 70s, the ceremony they hope to have if the law holds would be their first.

But marriage or not, after 33 years, they know where they stand.

“I moved in a month after we met,” Blackburn says. “We just knew we had found something special in each other and it remained that way.”

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Real Estate

No Rose, your interest rate has nothing to do with how many likes you got on Hinge

Many factors help determine rates these days

Published

8 hours ago

June 14, 2025

Joseph Hudson

With the rise of interest rates in recent years, buyers must understand the many factors that go into the final number. (Image by HomeStead Digital/Bigstock)

Picture it, you’re sitting in the lunchroom at work, and your coworker just bought a house. Another coworker bought one a few months ago and you hear that she got a totally different interest rate than the other one did, even though they both bought houses not that far from each other. Homebuyers everywhere have been wondering what interest rates they are going to get, lately. It’s easy to read an article online or see an ad on social media stating specific numbers, but there may be more than meets the eye going into a particular buyer’s interest rate.

What are the factors that can affect the interest rate a buyer eventually “locks in”?

Property details – certain properties may be in neighborhoods with higher rates of foreclosure, or there may be specific census tracts that allow a buyer to participate in the “Fannie Mae Home Ready” and “Freddie Mac Home Possible” programs, which carry more flexible requirements such as various income limits and lower interest rates, to help people begin homeownership.
Type of loan / loan amount– a conventional, conforming loan or a jumbo loan can have differing interest rates, as well as FHA loans.
Credit score – most people are aware that this affects what interest rate is quoted, just like on a credit card. Some lenders will work with you on ways to improve a credit score if the goal is to buy six, nine, or 12 months from now.
Lock period – do you want to lock in the rate for 30 days? 45? Market volatility can cause the rates to change so it will cost more money to hold onto a particular interest rate.
Loan to value ratio – one can still buy a home with less than 20% down, but the rate that is quoted may be higher.
Occupancy type – is this the primary residence or an investment property?
Points bought or credits taken – A buyer can pay the lender a fee to buy down the interest rate, or the seller can sometimes offer a credit. This has become more popular in recent years.
Market conditions – keep an eye on the news – as we are all aware, change is the only constant!

Lender Tina del Casale with Atlantic Union Bank says, “With jumbo fixed rates in the low 6’s, and first-time buyer down payment assistance loans such as DC Open Doors, rates are in the mid 7’s. With the added factors of your income, the address you are purchasing and your credit score factoring into the equation, interest rates are different from buyer to buyer these days. So, skip the online tools and make a few calls because that’s the only way to get an accurate quote these days!”

It might feel like an overwhelming amount of information to take on, but remember, there are people that help others take these big steps every day. A trusted lender and Realtor can guide their clients from start to finish when it comes to purchasing a home. And for that, you’ll be saying, “thank you for being a friend!”

Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with Metro Referrals. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].

Advice

Stop haranguing your husband about how you think he should behave

Make your point and then move on from the argument

Published

1 day ago

June 13, 2025

Michael Radkowsky

Make your point and move on but don’t insist your significant other sees everything your way. (Photo by TeroVesalainen/Bigstock)

Michael,

My husband is great, but he’s a pushover. It happens at work a lot. For example: His colleague, who came back from maternity leave about four months ago, is always leaving early. And Jeremy is always staying late to finish the jobs that they should be doing together.

But the most galling to me is that he doesn’t speak up for himself in his family. His parents (in my opinion) overtly favor his brother (who is straight) and his brother’s family. I could give a lot of examples. The latest: They’re treating the brother and the family to a cruise.

We’ve been together for 15 years, married for 12, and never get any such treatment.

Jeremy says his brother is strapped for cash (four kids, one income) and the family needs a break, whereas Jeremy doesn’t need his parents to pay for his (or our) vacation. I don’t really want to go on a cruise but it’s the principle of the thing.

Again, this is just one example. I feel bad for Jeremy being walked on, over and over, and I want him to start standing up for himself. Despite my repeated entreaties, he won’t.

When I push him on this, he tells me I’m not seeing the whole picture, or he sees it differently, or it’s not a big deal, or he’s fine with things as they are.

I can’t see how he could be fine with being taken advantage of, or not being appreciated. I think he’d have a much better life if he actually set some boundaries with people.

How do I persuade Jeremy to listen to me and be more assertive?

Michael replies:

Do you see the irony in complaining that you can’t get your husband to listen to you about being more assertive and setting a boundary?

You’ve made your point to Jeremy, repeatedly, and Jeremy is telling you to back off. In other words, he’s assertively setting a boundary with you.

You can’t get someone else to behave in the way you want, even when you’re certain that your way is best. Jeremy gets to decide how he wants to conduct himself.

Here’s a pattern I have noticed over and over again through my years of working with couples: When you try to do something for someone that is their own job to do, both you and the person you are trying to “help” wind up being resentful. You get annoyed that the other person won’t listen to your wonderful advice, and the other person gets annoyed because they don’t want someone else telling them what to do or how to live their life.

In this case, you’re trying to get Jeremy to stand up for himself more than he does, and he’s not interested in changing how he operates.

A great rule for relationships: You can advocate for what you want, but you have to let go of the result. (And advocate sparingly, or you risk being a nag).

You are continuing to argue the same point to Jeremy, and Jeremy isn’t interested in listening to you. As you asked for my advice, here it is: Cut it out before he gets into the resentment stage, if he’s not already there, as you apparently are.

Also, please consider that your repeatedly criticizing Jeremy’s parents where Jeremy sees no problem could damage not only your relationship with Jeremy, but also his and your relationship with his family.

We get to marry the person we marry. We don’t get to insist that they upgrade to a better (at least in our opinion) version. Trying to do so is not just disrespectful and a waste of time, it poisons the relationship.

So find a way to live with Jeremy as he is, or — if you find his acquiescent nature unbearable — leave. But don’t spend the rest of your marriage, or even another day, haranguing him about how you think he should behave.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

Real Estate

The best U.S. cities for LGBTQ homebuyers in 2025

Where strong equality scores, vibrant culture, attainable prices converge

Published

6 days ago

June 8, 2025

Scott Helms

Philadelphia is among cities that rank highest for LGBTQ homebuyers. (Photo by sborisov/Bigstock)

Buying a home has always been a landmark of security and self-expression. For LGBTQ+ people, it can also be a powerful act of claiming space in a country where housing equality is still a work in progress. The good news? This year offers more options—and more protections—than ever. A record-breaking 130 U.S. cities now score a perfect 100 on the Human Rights Campaign’s Municipal Equality Index (MEI), meaning their local laws, services, and political leadership actively protect queer residents, reports.hrc.org. Meanwhile, national housing analysts at Zillow expect only modest price growth this year (about 2.6 percent), giving buyers a little breathing room to shop around.

Below are eight standout markets where strong equality scores, vibrant LGBTQ+ culture, and relatively attainable prices converge. Median sale prices are from March 2025 Zillow data.

1. Minneapolis–St. Paul, MN

Median sale price: $317,500

Twin Cities residents benefit from statewide nondiscrimination laws that explicitly cover sexual orientation and gender identity, a thriving queer arts scene, and dozens of neighborhood Pride celebrations beyond the mega-festival each June. Buyers also appreciate Minnesota’s down-payment assistance programs for first-time and BIPOC purchasers—many LGBTQ+ households qualify.

2. Philadelphia

Median sale price: $227,667

Philly combines East Coast culture with Mid-Atlantic affordability. “Gayborhood” anchors like Giovanni’s Room bookstore mingle with new LGBTQ-owned cafés in Fishtown and South Philly. Pennsylvania added statewide housing protections in 2024, closing the legal gaps that once worried trans and nonbinary buyers.

3. Pittsburgh

Median sale price: $221,667

Don’t let the steel-town stereotype fool you—Pittsburgh’s MEI score is 100, and its real-estate dollar stretches further than in comparable metros. Lawrenceville and Bloomfield have become hubs for queer-owned eateries and co-working spaces, while regional employers in tech and healthcare boast top Corporate Equality Index ratings.

4. Tucson, Ariz.

Median sale price: $328,333

This desert city punches above its weight in LGBTQ+ visibility thanks to the University of Arizona, a nationally ranked Pride parade, and some of the country’s most picturesque outdoor recreation. Arizona’s statewide fair-housing statute now explicitly lists gender identity, giving buyers added recourse if discrimination occurs.

5. Madison, Wisc.

Median sale price: $413,867

Madison blends progressive politics with a top-five public university and a booming tech corridor. Local lenders routinely promote inclusive marketing, and Dane County offers one of the few county-level LGBTQ+ home-ownership programs in the nation, providing up to $10,000 in forgivable assistance for low-to-moderate-income couples.

6. Atlanta

Median sale price: $359,967

The cultural capital of the Southeast delivers queer nightlife, Fortune 500 jobs, and a web of supportive nonprofits such as Lost-n-Found Youth. While Georgia lacks statewide protections, Atlanta’s 100-point MEI score covers public accommodations, contracting, and employer requirements—shielding homebuyers who choose in-town neighborhoods like Midtown or East Point.

7. St. Petersburg, Fla.

Median sale price: $354,667 Yes, Florida’s statewide politics are turbulent, but St. Pete has long held firm on LGBTQ+ equality. The city’s Pride festival draws nearly a million visitors, and local ordinances bar discrimination in housing and public services. Waterfront bungalows in Kenwood and more affordable condos near Uptown give first-time buyers options.

8. Denver

Median sale price: $563,500

Colorado passed some of the nation’s strongest gender identity housing protections in 2024, and Denver’s queer community remains one of the most visible in the Mountain West. Although prices run higher, buyers gain exceptional job growth and one of the country’s largest Gay & Lesbian Chambers of Commerce.

Smart Strategies for LGBTQ+ Buyers & Sellers

1. Build Your Dream Team Early

Work with an equality-focused real-estate pro. The easiest way is to start at GayRealEstate.com, which has screened gay, lesbian, and allied agents in every U.S. market for more than 30 years.
Choose inclusive lenders and inspectors. Ask whether each vendor follows HUD’s 2021 guidance interpreting the Fair Housing Act to cover sexual orientation and gender identity.

2. Know Your Rights—And Limitations

Federal law bars housing bias, but enforcement can lag. Document everything and report issues to HUD, your state civil-rights agency, or Lambda Legal.
In states without full protections, rely on city ordinances (check the MEI) and add explicit nondiscrimination language to your purchase contract.

3. Evaluate Neighborhood Fit

Use local data: crime stats, school ratings, transit, and MEI scores of nearby suburbs.
Spend time in queer-owned cafés, bars, and community centers to gauge true inclusivity.

4. For Sellers: Market With Pride—And Professionalism

Highlight proximity to LGBTQ+ resources (community centers, Pride festivals) in your listing remarks.
Stage neutrally but inclusively—rainbow art is great, but removing personal photos can protect privacy during showings.

The landscape for LGBTQ+ homeowners is evolving fast. By coupling inclusive laws, supportive culture, and attainable prices, cities like Minneapolis, Philadelphia, and Tucson stand out for 2025. No matter where you land, surround yourself with professionals who value every part of your identity. Start your journey at GayRealEstate.com, lean on the resources above, and claim your corner of the American dream—on your own terms, and with pride.

Scott Helms is president and owner of Gayrealestate.com.