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Text and subtext

Avoid the urge to rely on messages to communicate in a new relationship

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We were interviewed last week on a popular radio show in Los Angeles and one of the topics discussed was how technology has changed dating in the modern world.

This is an issue we see often with our clients in that some singles hide behind their computer screens or smartphones when unsure of how to pursue a new relationship effectively. Navigating the dating rules in this day and age can be confusing, so we hope to shed light on the topic and help others understand when and how technology can ruin the dating game.

Clients and other singles misuse texting as a way of effective communication. Texting is easy and can be done on the go, between meetings or while ordering a coffee. It seems this would be a great way to reply to someone you are dating because of how efficient it is, but it’s actually a terrible way to communicate, for a number of reasons.

Text messages can so easily be misunderstood and daters could potentially spend hours analyzing one text that could have multiple meanings. Tone is so important when communicating and this simply cannot be expressed over text message. As we all know, great communication is the key to a successful relationship, so why rely on your message getting misunderstood by texting? This, unfortunately, is the way many singles tell their mates they’re not interested, by being passive aggressive and saying they “didn’t get your text”  and letting the new relationship slip off to the side.

Breaking up over text message makes one look as if (s)he didn’t care enough about the other person to even give the courtesy of picking up the phone to say that the relationship isn’t working. It’s immature. Texting can be used in dating when confirming a place/time to meet or to confirm a time to speak on the phone and that’s pretty much it. Don’t forget the old fashioned way of dating — pick up the phone and ask someone out, see how their day is, plan a date together. Engaging in conversation builds a bond, so don’t cop out and text your way through your new relationship.

The success of online dating sites has had a huge influence on how singles navigate new relationships.  Dating online can be great for many — anyone can set up a profile, peruse the site for matches and have a date within days (or hours, with some websites or smartphone applications). This is an efficient way for someone to get out there who hasn’t dated in a long time — going on a lot of online dates can be great practice and help those new to dating get their feet wet. But a huge problem exists, besides of the lack of second dates many people experience when dating online.

People often hide behind their profiles, literally and figuratively. Some profiles online are just that — online only to engage others over email or just so they can view other singles on the site. Others set up profiles that aren’t fully true, whether they upload a 10-year-old photo or unfortunately brag about what they have to offer a partner (which could also be totally false). Some set up profiles that describe how they perceive themselves and it’s not who they really are at their core.

It’s easy to hide behind your computer, however those truly interested in dating and finding a long-term relationship suffer from the lack of accountability of many online daters. Another issue with dating online is that “the grass is always greener” syndrome is extremely prevalent in the minds of online daters and it’s hard to tell who is really relationship ready. How to avoid this? Consider getting yourself out there in the community to date, join new groups or work with a dating coach. Dating online can be successful for many, but be weary of who is actually lurking behind the screen.

Remember, get back to basics. Dating is much easier when there is more face-to-face interaction. Call, don’t text. Engage your date, don’t Google her/him. Don’t let technology block you from establishing a lasting connection.

Novinskie and Rosenberg can be reached at [email protected] or at Facebook at facebook.com/mixology.

 

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Real Estate

Top buyer-friendly markets for the LGBTQ community

Home should be a place where you can be fully yourself

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LGBTQ-friendly housing markets include Tampa, Minneapolis, and Cincinnati.

Buying or selling a home is one of the most meaningful financial and emotional decisions a person can make. For LGBTQ+ individuals and families, that journey can also come with unique considerations — from finding truly inclusive neighborhoods to working with professionals who understand and respect who you are.

The good news? Across the United States, there are increasingly buyer-friendly housing markets where LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers can find opportunity, affordability, and community. When paired with the right representation, these markets can offer not only strong financial value, but peace of mind.

For more than 30 years, GayRealEstate.com has been the leading source of LGBTQ+ real estate representation, helping LGBTQ+ buyers and sellers connect with vetted, LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agents who understand the nuances of fair housing, legal protections, and inclusive service.

Below, we explore top buyer-friendly markets for the LGBTQ+ community, along with practical tips to help you navigate the process with confidence.

What Makes a Market Buyer-Friendly?

A buyer-friendly market isn’t just about lower prices — especially for LGBTQ+ home buyers. It often includes:

  • Increased housing inventory (more choices, less pressure)
  • Slower price growth or stabilized pricing
  • Greater negotiating power for buyers
  • Established or emerging LGBTQ+ communities
  • Local protections and inclusive policies
  • Access to LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agents and resources

Markets that combine affordability with inclusivity can be especially attractive for first-time gay home buyers, same-sex couples, and LGBTQ+ families planning for long-term stability.

Top Buyer-Friendly Markets for LGBTQ Home Buyers

1. Austin & San Antonio, Texas

Once known for extreme competition, many Texas metros have shifted into more buyer-friendly territory due to increased inventory.

Why it works for LGBTQ+ buyers:

  • Strong LGBTQ+ communities, especially in Austin
  • More negotiating leverage than in prior years
  • Diverse neighborhoods at varying price points

Tip: Texas does not have statewide LGBTQ+ housing protections, making it especially important to work with an experienced LGBTQ+ friendly realtor through GayRealEstate.com.

2. Columbus & Cincinnati, Ohio

Ohio cities continue to attract buyers looking for value without sacrificing culture or inclusivity.

Why it works:

  • Lower median home prices
  • Growing LGBTQ+ populations
  • Strong healthcare, education, and job markets

These cities are particularly appealing for LGBTQ+ buyers relocating from higher-cost coastal markets.

3. Richmond, Virginia

Richmond has become a standout for LGBTQ+ home ownership thanks to affordability, history, and progressive growth.

Highlights:

  • Inclusive local culture
  • Buyer-friendly price trends
  • Walkable neighborhoods popular with LGBTQ+ professionals

4. Minneapolis–St. Paul, Minnesota

The Twin Cities consistently rank high for LGBTQ+ quality of life and legal protections.

Why LGBTQ+ buyers love it:

  • Strong anti-discrimination laws
  • Stable home values
  • Excellent resources for LGBTQ+ families

Minnesota offers one of the safest environments for LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers navigating the real estate process.

5. Jacksonville & Tampa Bay, Florida

Florida remains complex for LGBTQ+ buyers, but some metros still offer strong buyer opportunity.

What to know:

  • Increased inventory = more negotiating power
  • Coastal lifestyle at lower cost than South Florida
  • Local LGBTQ+ communities continue to grow

Because statewide protections vary, partnering with a GayRealEstate.com LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agent is essential.

Finding LGBTQ-Friendly Neighborhoods

Not every “affordable” neighborhood is inclusive — and safety, comfort, and belonging matter.

When searching for LGBTQ+ friendly neighborhoods:

  • Look for visible LGBTQ+ organizations, events, and businesses
  • Research local non-discrimination ordinances
  • Ask your agent about lived experiences, not just statistics
  • Talk to neighbors and local LGBTQ+ groups

Agents in the Gay Real Estate Network often provide insight that listing data alone cannot.

The Importance of LGBTQ Real Estate Representation

While fair housing laws exist, LGBTQ+ housing discrimination still happens — sometimes subtly, sometimes overtly.

Working with an LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agent helps ensure:

  • Respectful communication
  • Advocacy during negotiations
  • Awareness of legal protections
  • A safer, more affirming experience

GayRealEstate.com has spent over three decades building the most trusted network of gay realtors, lesbian real estate agents, and LGBTQ+ friendly real estate professionals nationwide.

Federal protections now include sexual orientation and gender identity under the Fair Housing Act, but enforcement and local laws vary.

Before buying or selling:

  • Understand your state and local protections
  • Know how to document discriminatory behavior
  • Work with professionals who take advocacy seriously
  • Use trusted LGBTQ+ real estate resources

GayRealEstate.com agents are experienced in helping clients navigate these realities with confidence.

Tips for LGBTQ Home Buyers & Sellers

  • Get pre-approved early to strengthen your buying position
  • Interview agents and ask direct questions about LGBTQ+ experience
  • Don’t ignore your instincts — comfort matters
  • Plan long-term: community, schools, healthcare, and protections
  • Use LGBTQ+-specific resources rather than generic searches

Buyer-friendly markets create opportunity — but representation creates security.

Whether you’re a first-time gay home buyer, a same-sex couple relocating, or an LGBTQ+ seller preparing for your next chapter, choosing the right market and the right representation makes all the difference.

For over 30 years, GayRealEstate.com has been the trusted leader in LGBTQ+ real estate, connecting buyers and sellers with professionals who understand the importance of inclusion, advocacy, and respect.

Your home should be more than a place to live — it should be a place where you can be fully yourself.


Scott Helms is president and owner of Gayrealestate.com.

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Real Estate

Stress-free lease renewals during winter months

A season when very few tenants typically move

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Many landlords think of spring and summer as the heart of leasing season, but winter renewals hold their own kind of importance. (Photo by neturama/Bigstock)

January has a way of waking everyone up. After weeks of holiday noise, travel, family visits, and a general blur of activity, the new year arrives with its usual mix of resolutions, optimism, and responsibility. People start looking at their calendars again. To-do lists reappear. And tucked away in there is something many tenants didn’t give much thought to in December, their lease renewal.

Renewals in winter matter more than most people realize. It is a season when very few tenants typically move. The weather is unpredictable, schedules are tight, and most people are trying to regain their footing after the holidays. Because of this, renewal conversations tend to be more productive and more grounded. 

Many landlords think of spring and summer as the heart of leasing season, and while that’s certainly when moves are most common, winter renewals hold their own kind of importance. A well-timed renewal does more than keep a unit occupied. It provides predictability for the year ahead, strengthens relationships, and reduces the costly turnover that smaller landlords want to avoid.

In my experience, tenants who might hesitate during another time of year are often relieved to secure housing before the pressures of spring and summer begin. Uncertainty is one of the prime causes of unnecessary turnover. If tenants don’t hear from their landlord, they often start browsing listings “just in case,” or asking friends about other options. Once that door is opened, it can be hard to close. Initiating the renewal process early helps anchor tenants before doubts start creeping in.

Tenants often make clearer decisions in January than they would in November or December. During the holidays, people are distracted and stretched thin; emails are skimmed, not absorbed; and anything involving planning often gets deferred until “after the new year.” When tenants return home in January, they have a better sense of their plans, their budget, and their needs for the coming months. This makes it a much easier moment to start or restart a renewal conversation.

The practical reality is that most tenants don’t want to move in the winter. Who wants to haul furniture across icy sidewalks or deal with last-minute moving delays due to storms?  Beyond the weather, January is a time when people are reorganizing finances, filing paperwork, and settling into routines. The thought of a major transition simply doesn’t fit. Landlords can use this natural reluctance to create a smoother, more collaborative renewal process.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that clarity is a landlord’s best tool. Tenants don’t need lengthy explanations, legal jargon, or complicated attachments. They simply want to know:

  • Are the terms changing?
  • If so, how?
  • What does their timeline look like?
  • Would the landlord consider another set of terms?

    A concise, well-laid-out renewal offer does two things. First, it demonstrates transparency, which builds trust. Second, it keeps the conversation focused and productive. When tenants understand exactly what’s being proposed, there is less back-and-forth, fewer misunderstandings, and a quicker path to a signed agreement.

Tenants are more receptive when they feel they’re being treated fairly and openly. If there’s a rent adjustment, a brief explanation helps tenants see the reasoning behind it, such as increased operating costs, significant maintenance completed during their stay or alignment with the market. 

Lease renewals are moments of connection. The best landlord-tenant relationships are built over time through small exchanges, transparency, and mutual respect. Renewal season offers an opportunity to reinforce that.

A simple acknowledgement of the tenant’s care for the home or their timely payments can set a positive tone. Even a short note of appreciation signals that you see them not as a lease term, but as a partner in maintaining the property. These gestures cost very little but create a sense of goodwill that carries through maintenance requests, policy reminders, and everyday communication.

Many landlords underestimate how much tenants value being treated as individuals rather than account numbers. A thoughtful, personal touch during the renewal process can make a tenant feel recognizednand more inclined to stay.

Renewals aren’t only about securing another term lease.They’re also a natural moment to check in on the overall health of the property and the tenant’s experience. J anuary provides a quiet space to step back and ask:

• Are there maintenance concerns the tenant hasn’t mentioned yet or that have not been fully resolved?
• Is the property due for upgrades or any preventative work?
• Are there responsibilities or expectations worth revisiting?

These conversations don’t need to be long or formal, but they help prevent the small issues of one year from becoming the larger problems of the next. A tenant who feels heard is more likely to take good care of the home, communicate proactively, and renew again in future years.

While landlords must maintain structure and protect their assets, a bit of flexibility can go a long way during the renewal process. Tenants are often rebalancing budgets after holiday spending. Offering digital signatures, Having brief calls to clarify terms, being flexible, or a few extra days to make a decision can ease stress without compromising the landlord’s position.

Flexibility is about recognizing human realities. Most tenants appreciate being treated with patience and professionalism, and often reward that consideration with prompt decisions and smoother communication. There are many reasons why a full year renewal may not coincide with their plans. Being able to work out mutually agreeable renewal terms makes the solution a win for both parties.

For landlords, especially smaller ones, stability is the foundation of successful property investing. A vacant unit, even briefly, costs more than most people realize. There are marketing expenses, cleaning, repairs, lost rent, and the unpredictable timeline of finding the right new tenant.  By contrast, securing a renewal with an existing reliable tenant protects cash flow, reduces risk, and creates predictability in planning.

January renewals, when handled well, deliver this stability right at the beginning of the year. They give landlords a clear roadmap for budgeting, maintenance scheduling, and forecasting. They also give tenants the security of knowing exactly where they stand, which reduces stress on both sides.

A lease renewal may seem like a small moment in the life of a property, but in practice, it shapes the experience of the year ahead. When the process is organized, honest, and respectful, it sets a tone that carries through every interaction until the next renewal date.

January is a time to consider leaning into this approach. The pace is slower, the mindset is clearer, and both landlord and tenant are ready to step into the year with more intention. A renewal handled thoughtfully now paves the way for a smoother, quieter, more predictable twelve months, something every landlord and every tenant can appreciate.


Scott Bloom is owner and senior property manager at Columbia Property Management.

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Advice

How to cope when a partner gives you the silent treatment

Punishing behavior brings up memories of parent’s mistreatment

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Don’t try to solve relationship problems while angry or in the throes of a fight. (Image by HelgaKhorimarko/Bigstock)

Michael,

My wife and I met less than two years ago and we were crazy about each other from the start. We wanted to spend life together so we just went for it. Maybe this wasn’t the most well-thought out decision on either of our parts but we thought that love conquers all.

But lately we’ve been arguing. The stuff we’re fighting about is never such a big deal: chores, or spending, or wanting to do different things on the weekend. But when I don’t want to go along with Michelle’s point of view, she gets angry and shuts down. Sometimes she stops talking to me for as long as a few days.

This is painful for me. My mom used to pull this stunt when I was a kid and she was mad at me. She also cut me off when I came out. We’re still estranged. 

Michelle has a whole different take on this. She says I am being “mean” to her (when I don’t go along with what she wants) and this is painful, and she has to “take a break” to cool off. 

I know she comes from a volatile family. She has told me there was a lot of screaming in her house, and she barely has a relationship with her parents as a result. So I get that she’s sensitive to conflict.

But I don’t think I’m being mean to her by standing up for what I want — certainly not enough to warrant her giving me the silent treatment.

We got married to have a great life together. We often do but I can’t live with someone who just shuts me out when she’s annoyed with me.

If I became a doormat and went along with everything she wants and never pushed back or complained, maybe she wouldn’t shut down. But I don’t want to do that.

I’d appreciate some ideas to improve the situation. I don’t want a divorce but I also don’t want to keep being mistreated.

Michael replies:

You can think of marriage — or any serious relationship — as a gym where you have ongoing opportunities to become an increasingly resilient person in the face of the ongoing challenges that an intimate relationship poses.

Your task here is to shift your focus toward figuring out how to handle yourself well, even in the awful circumstance of getting the silent treatment.  

Michelle is not under an obligation to behave as you’d like her to. You can certainly ask her to stop withdrawing when she’s angry at you. But that doesn’t mean she is going to honor your request. 

I well understand that Michelle’s punishing behavior is bringing up painful memories of your mother’s mistreatment. But if she doesn’t change her behavior, you have to find a way to live with Michelle as she is, with as much equanimity as you can muster, for as long as you choose to be married to her. If she does not change and you find her behavior to be unbearable, you can leave.

Every time she shuts down, Michelle is handing you an opportunity to figure out how you, yourself, can deal with feeling hurt and let down, rather than depending on someone else to behave as you’d like her to, or not upset you, or soothe you. Being in charge of your own mood rather than letting someone else press your buttons is a great skill to get better at. 

I’m not going focus on what techniques you might use to soothe yourself — that’s a different column (or even better, a number of therapy sessions). That said, knowing that Michelle’s behavior comes from her history might help you to take it less personally. And, simply keeping in mind that living with a difficult spouse is unavoidable and worth getting better at may help you to quiet yourself down.

Another challenge that your marriage is pushing you to work on: Discerning when you can be generous, and when it is important to have a boundary. Of course, I understand that you don’t want to be a doormat by going along with whatever Michelle says and wants. But is it possible that she has a point, in that you could stand to lean more in her direction? 

None of us get to have everything the way we want when we are in a relationship (much less in life). Figuring out the interplay between generosity and boundary is complicated. It often involves considering what is important to your partner; and deriving joy from her getting some of what is important to her, not only from your getting what you would like. And of course, it also involves figuring out what is most important to you.

If you set a boundary thoughtfully, because something is important to you, and Michelle doesn’t like it, you’re being handed an opportunity to get better at tolerating disappointment.  Being a disappointment to your partner, and being disappointed in your partner, are both unavoidable parts of marriage: We’re all different, and at times will make choices that the other person really does not like. 

If we make our decisions from a place of integrity rather than whim, entitlement, anger, or “whose turn it is”, and strive to honor the choices that our partners make from a place of integrity, this often makes the disappointment easier to bear.

Of course, it would be great if Michelle would join you in working to become a more solid and resilient spouse.  As I mentioned earlier, you can’t persuade her to do so.  But you can certainly tell Michelle what you are working on and ask her to consider how she, too, might use your relationship difficulties as a challenge to grow.  

It isn’t easy to have such a conversation without sounding condescending. You are better positioned to do so when you are walking the walk, not just talking the talk. One good rule of thumb is to put you and your partner in the same boat, making it clear that you see the two of you as facing the same challenges, rather than positioning yourself in a superior position. Another is to initiate the conversation when you are both calm, rather than in the middle of a fight or when you’re getting the silent treatment.

One more point: If Michelle is willing, I’d suggest that you propose couples therapy as an opportunity for you two to collaborate on building a consistently loving relationship where neither of you lets your reactivity run the show.   

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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