Living
Milestones in LGBT parenting history
From TV’s first gay dad in 1972 to ‘Kids Are All Right’ success
October is LGBT History Month, so I want to celebrate with a look at some of the historical milestones—of laws, visibility and community—related to LGBT parents. This is not meant to be a comprehensive look at the 40-year history of out LGBT parents, but simply a brief list of a few LGBT parenting “firsts.” These items may show only part of the story, but I hope they will give readers a sense of the rich history of which we are part.
1972: “That Certain Summer,” the first television movie to depict a gay dad, airs on ABC, starring Martin Sheen as a dad who comes out to his teenage son, and Hal Holbrook as his partner. Scott Jacoby, who played the son, won a Best Supporting Actor Emmy.
1973: “Sandy and Madeleine’s Family” becomes the first U.S. documentary about a lesbian-headed family.
1973: A Colorado court issues the country’s first known opinion involving a transgender parent, upholding his right to retain child custody.
1974: A New Jersey superior court judge rules that a father’s sexual orientation is not in itself a reason to deny him child visitation, the first time a U.S. court has acknowledged the constitutional rights of gay fathers.
1974: Several lesbian mothers and friends in Seattle form the Lesbian Mothers National Defense Fund to help lesbian mothers in custody disputes.
1976: Washington, D.C. becomes first jurisdiction in the country to prohibit judges from making custody decisions based solely on sexual orientation.
1977: Lawyers Donna Hitchens and Roberta Achtenberg in San Francisco form the Lesbian Rights Project (LRP), which evolves into the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR), still helping LGBT parents (and others) today.
1978: The Washington Supreme Court issues the country’s first custody ruling in favor of a lesbian couple (Sandy Schuster and Madeleine Isaacson of the 1973 film above).
1978: New York becomes the first state to say it will not reject adoption applicants solely because of “homosexuality.”
1979: A gay couple in California becomes the first in the country known to have jointly adopted a child.
1979: Jane Severance’s When Megan Went Away becomes the first picture book in the U.S. to show a lesbian relationship.
1982: The Sperm Bank of California begins operations, the first in the country to serve lesbian couples and single women.
1985: A court for the first time allows a non-biological mother to adopt the biological child of her female partner. The ruling, in Alaska, also allows the biological father to maintain a relationship with the child.
1988: A group of youth with LGBT parents meets at a conference organized by a precursor to the Family Equality Council, and begins the organizing that in 1999 leads to Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE) as an independent national organization.
1989: Author Lesléa Newman self-publishes “Heather Has Two Mommies,” the first children’s book in the U.S. to show a lesbian couple planning and raising a child together.
1990: LGBT publisher Alyson Publications launches the Alyson Wonderland imprint for children’s titles. It publishes “Daddy’s Roommate,” by Michael Willhoite, the first children’s book to depict gay male parents, and mass produces “Heather Has Two Mommies.”
1997: New Jersey becomes the first state to allow same-sex couples to adopt jointly.
2008: Marcus Ewert publishes “10,000 Dresses,” the first children’s book to show a clearly transgender child.
2009: First explicit mention of same-sex parents in a presidential proclamation. In announcing Sept. 28 as Family Day, President Obama says, “Whether children are raised by two parents, a single parent, grandparents, a same-sex couple, or a guardian, families encourage us to do our best and enable us to accomplish great things.”
2010: “The Kids Are All Right,” starring Annette Bening and Julianne Moore, becomes the first major feature film to focus on an LGBT couple and their children.
2010: President Obama revises hospital visitation rules so patients may designate their own visitors, including same-sex partners.
2011: The U.S. State Department updates passport applications to say “Mother or Parent 1″ and “Father or Parent 2” instead of just “Mother” and “Father.”
(I have compiled these items from a number of sources; special recognition goes to Carlos Ball’s The Right to Be Parents and Jaime Campbell Naidoo’s Rainbow Family Collections.)
Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of Mombian (mombian.com), an award-winning blog and resource directory for LGBT parents.
Real Estate
What LGBTQ buyers, sellers need to know about new real estate rules
Regulations are reshaping how transactions are conducted
In recent months, the real estate landscape has undergone significant changes, with new rules and regulations reshaping how transactions are conducted. These changes affect buyers and sellers across the board, but LGBTQ individuals and couples navigating the housing market should be particularly aware of how these updates might impact their decisions and opportunities. At GayRealEstate.com, we’re here to keep you informed and empowered.
1. Transparency in Agent Compensation
One of the most notable changes involves how real estate agents are compensated. New rules aim to increase transparency, requiring agents to clearly disclose their commissions and how they are paid. For LGBTQ buyers and sellers, this means you’ll have a better understanding of the financial side of your transaction, making it easier to avoid hidden fees or misunderstandings.
Tip: Make sure your agent explains their compensation structure up front. Working with an LGBTQ-friendly real estate agent through GayRealEstate.com ensures you’re connected with professionals who prioritize clarity and fairness.
2. Contracts Before Home Tours
In some areas, buyers are now required to sign a representation agreement before touring homes. While this adds a layer of formality, it can also help you establish a stronger relationship with your agent and ensure they’re working in your best interest.
What It Means for LGBTQ Buyers: Choosing an agent who understands your unique needs is critical. Signing a contract ensures that your agent is committed to helping you find a home in a community where you’ll feel safe and welcome.
3. New Protections Against Discrimination
Recent policy changes reinforce anti-discrimination measures in housing, which is particularly relevant for LGBTQ individuals. While federal laws like the Fair Housing Act prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity, some states have gone further by implementing additional protections.
How to Navigate: Familiarize yourself with your state’s specific laws, and rely on LGBTQ-friendly agents who are committed to advocating for your rights throughout the transaction process.
4. Market Conditions: Buyers vs. Sellers
The current housing market is in flux, with inventory levels, interest rates, and demand varying widely by region. Sellers may face longer listing times, while buyers could encounter more competitive environments in desirable areas.
5. Mortgage Updates for LGBTQ Couples
Lenders are becoming more inclusive in recognizing diverse family structures, but disparities still exist. It’s essential to work with lenders who understand your unique situation and ensure fair treatment during the mortgage process.
Advice: An LGBTQ-friendly agent can connect you with lenders who are sensitive to your needs and knowledgeable about programs that support equal access to home financing.
Why These Changes Matter
The new rules emphasize fairness, transparency, and accountability — values that align closely with the mission of GayRealEstate.com. However, navigating these changes requires expert guidance, especially for LGBTQ buyers and sellers who may face additional challenges in the market.
Take Action Today
Buying or selling a home is one of the most significant decisions you’ll make, and having the right support can make all the difference. At GayRealEstate.com, we connect LGBTQ buyers and sellers with experienced, LGBTQ-friendly agents who are committed to protecting your rights and helping you achieve your goals.
Whether you’re just starting your real estate journey or ready to make your next move, we’re here to help. Visit GayRealEstate.com to find your perfect agent and get started today.
This article is brought to you by GayRealEstate.com, the nation’s largest network of LGBTQ-friendly real estate agents.
Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at 303-378-5526.
Real Estate
Your holiday home journey
Real estate decisions often tap into our deeper desires for connection
Thanksgiving and real estate share an essential theme: the importance of home. It is traditionally a time of gratitude, togetherness, and reflection. While its hallmark symbols may include turkey dinners, family gatherings, and autumnal décor, it also invites us to think deeply about our values and who and what we hold dear.
For some people, the family home connotes a place of safety, comfort, and community. For others, visiting with family over the holiday can be a contentious and stressful ordeal best avoided. Countless of my friends have severed toxic relationships that can rival an exploding, deep-fried turkey. They have opted instead for dining out or hosting a gathering of food and football with like-minded people.
During Thanksgiving, the idea of “home” becomes particularly poignant. It is more than just a physical structure; it’s where people gather, memories are made, and traditions are passed down. For those involved in real estate — whether as professionals or as individuals embroiled in the market — this emotional dimension of home is a driving force.
When buying a house, it’s not just about square footage or the number of bedrooms. It’s about envisioning a Thanksgiving dinner in the dining room, imagining children playing in the backyard, or hosting friends in the cozy living space. Real estate decisions often tap into our deeper desires for connection, stability, and legacy — values closely tied to the spirit of Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving falls in the quieter part of the real estate calendar, with spring and summer being the traditionally hot seasons for buying and selling. Yet, for those who choose to list their homes in November, the holiday offers unique opportunities. Sellers can use Thanksgiving’s warm, inviting atmosphere to their advantage, staging homes with seasonal touches like autumn wreaths, a cornucopia of fruits and nuts, the sparkle of a dining room chandelier, and the scent of freshly baked pies.
A well-decorated home during this time can evoke an emotional connection with potential buyers. A cozy environment can help them imagine spending their future holidays in that very space. Additionally, homes listed during the Thanksgiving season often face less competition, as fewer properties are on the market. This can lead to more serious offers from motivated buyers.
For buyers, Thanksgiving can function as a reminder of why they are on the hunt for a new home in the first place. Perhaps they are looking for a bigger space for a growing family. They may be downsizing to retire or to simplify life. They might be looking for home to accommodate both children and aging parents simultaneously. The holiday season underscores the importance of finding a home that aligns with lifestyle needs and future goals.
In our tight real estate market, buyers still face challenges such as limited inventory and higher interest rates; however, Thanksgiving encourages a shift in perspective. It’s a time to focus on gratitude for what is within reach — whether it’s finding a starter home, securing a dream property, or taking incremental steps toward long-term, financial goals.
Interestingly, Thanksgiving weekend has become an increasingly popular time for real estate research. Families can gather around the table and begin discussing the future, including moving to a new city, upgrading their home, or purchasing an investment property. Digital tools like web searches and virtual tours can help buyers and sellers stay connected to the real estate market without disrupting their Thanksgiving traditions.
Whether you are buying or selling, Thanksgiving offers an opportunity to reflect on the role of gratitude in real estate. For buyers, it’s about being thankful for the chance to find a home that meets their needs, even if the journey is challenging. For sellers, it’s a moment to appreciate the memories made in a home while looking forward to new opportunities.
For real estate agents and other industry professionals, Thanksgiving is a time to express gratitude to clients and colleagues, build stronger relationships, and highlight the human aspect of a business often driven by transactions alone.
If you are staying put this Thanksgiving, you have a chance to celebrate your current home, no matter its size or condition. Simple gestures like decorating with fall colors, rearranging furniture for a cozy feel, or preparing a special meal can deepen your connection to your space. Inviting neighbors, friends, or family to share in the festivities can reinforce the sense of community that makes a house a home.
Whether it’s the home you currently have, the one you’re searching for, or the one you are leaving behind, each holds a unique place in your life story. Take stock of the journey so far, recognize the progress made, and look forward to the possibilities ahead.
Digital Media
LGBTQ youth love TikTok. Does TikTok love them back?
Platform’s algorithm found to promote homophobia, violence
When Jocelyn was stuck inside during most of 2020, they did what any high school senior would do: scrolled through TikTok. They found themself on the hashtag #tiktokmademegay a lot. (To protect privacy, the Blade is opting to only use Jocelyn’s first name).
“At the time, I didn’t give it a lot of thought,” they say, acknowledging that most users viewed it as “more of a joke.”
Now a senior in college, where Jocelyn will graduate with a degree in Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies and Computer Science this spring, they have a more nuanced perspective. Nuanced enough to embark on a year-long independent thesis on the topic.
They still get that the hashtag is a joke, but probe into what lies behind it, noting a tension between the “the born-this-way narrative of sexuality essentialism” to the idea that “sexuality is socially constructed.” They also question the power this narrative gives to TikTok in its ability to surveil user data and identity.
What got Jocelyn so interested in it in the first place was the fact it was a conservative talking point being replicated by the queer community. Because, what amounts to a joke or an intellectual query for some, is a point of anxiety and fear-mongering for others.
The conservative think tank known for writing Project 2025, the Heritage Foundation wrote “How Big Tech Turns Kids Trans” arguing that “Digital spaces are ever more designed to promote sexual and transgender content.” This argument has incredible staying power and has been echoed by numerous far-right pundits like Oli London and Charlie Kirk.
It has also been referenced by lawmakers. Tennessee Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R) stated the Kids Online Safety Act (KOSA), bi-partisan legislation she co-sponsored restricting youth access to social media, was meant to “protect minor children from the transgender [sic] in our culture.”
TikTok has faced numerous challenges over the years. From Montana’s currently unsuccessful ban on use in its state to the “divest-or-ban bill” signed by President Joe Biden in April or the lawsuit brought by more than a dozen attorneys general in October—it is clear there is a broad coalition of U.S. lawmakers concerned about the app.
These acts—which cite both national security and youth mental health—come in conjunction with a larger movement to limit youth access to social media—locally, nationally, and internationally.
Data security experts and some legislators state that the national security risk of the app is only hypothetical due to the fact TikTok houses U.S. user data in the states. There are pressing concerns about the safety of user data, explains Shae Gardner, the policy director at LGBT Tech. Focusing those concerns entirely on one platform due to a hypothetical risk rather than the widespread, real risks across multiple platforms is disingenuous.
“Proponents [of this ban] have been saying that this is urgent and necessary to protect the data of Americans,” says Gardner, “But we have been asking for years for nationwide data privacy protections, and watching the efforts die over and over again on the legislative vine.”
In fact, Gardner argues, “Regulating one application is both legally dubious and will ultimately be ineffective in doing so.” Gardner explains that though LGBT Tech is not involved in any legislation against the ban, which other tech policy groups are, they hold the shared belief that it is unconstitutional to target a single platform rather than the wider ecosystem.
The risk to youth mental health, which has also been cited as a major concern, is more complicated. Best sellers like the highly critiqued “The Anxious Generation” argue that all youth mental illness is linked to social media. The data doesn’t back this up, argue numerous experts.
Amid the panic, LGBTQ advocates have passionately argued that queer youth’s access to technology is uniquely beneficial due to a lack of education and community in the physical world. The Trevor Project identified TikTok as the platform where LGBTQ youth felt most “safe and understood.”
Data largely backs this up. A systematic review from 2022 found that “social media may support the mental health and well-being of LGBTQ youths through peer connection, identity management, and social support.” The review noted that more research is needed, noting that their results may be limited by weak evidence due to factors like small sample sizes.
Celia B. Fisher, the Marie Ward Doty University Chair in Ethics at Fordham University, was able to gather a larger sample by conducting a national survey of more than 500 on Instagram. With that reach, explains Fisher, “you’re more likely to get a fuller view of what’s going on nationally.”
“There’s an anonymity with national surveys,” adds Fisher, “[It] brings different people to answer questions that they may not want to talk about to somebody in person.”
In March 2024, she published the peer-reviewed article “Social media: A double-edged sword for LGBTQ+ youth” in the Journal “Computers in Human Behavior.” Many results agreed with the larger narrative of online spaces as refuges and community-building spaces. “It’s a wonderful place when they can find the appropriate sites,” says Fisher.
Jocelyn, the student researcher, echoes this. “Many of the videos I have come across discuss how the comfortability of the queer spaces on TikTok was part of the reason they felt comfortable enough to come out and explore their sexuality.”
When youth drift into non-welcoming territory, the story is different.
Fisher’s research finds that more than 80% of youth are exposed to discrimination either directly or vicariously (watching others being discriminated against) in the last month. Fisher wrote, “between 40% and 63% of all youth met the criteria for moderate levels of depression, anxiety, and substance use disorder (SUD).” Youth who described high exposure to discrimination had higher levels of depression, anxiety, and SUD.
The hate does not simply come from the run-of-the-mill bully finding a classmate online. “Algorithms expose them to these things,” says Fisher.
“If an algorithm sees that you’re interested in RuPaul… Then it begins its work on figuring out other sites that may be attached to similar interests. But as it moves on, it begins to add the heterosexist and transphobic types of posts.”
The fact that the algorithms that govern our tech can be sexist, racist, and homophobic is old news and highly studied, but it continues to have compounding impacts. Media Matters for America found in 2021 that TikTok’s algorithm specifically promotes homophobia and anti-trans violence.
Jocelyn also worries about handing over the power of identification and community to an algorithm. In addition to the #tiktokmademegay, other users promote the idea that “TikTok knows things about themself before they know it.” This rhetoric is “scary” says Jocelyn, because “handing over the keys of self-identification to an algorithm that we have no idea how it works is not something that feels right.”
Gardner echoes the complex views on the state of social media. Outside of her day job as a policy maven, Gardner is a TikToker under the handle @shaeitaintsoo, where she shares educational content about LGBTQ issues.
“These spaces also allow for a lot of queer joy and a lot of authenticity in a way that makes me proud to be a part of this community,” she says. At the same time, backlash is part of the job. The success of TikTok’s moderation has ebbed and flowed during her four years as a public figure on the app.
Gardner emphasizes that “hatred and harassment do not live in algorithms.” The discrimination faced online is replicated bigotry from offline spaces. Social media can amplify and distribute the bigotry in new ways. “It is the responsibility of the platforms to be making significant efforts to ensure that the replication is not then also multiplied and made ten times worse.”
Gardner sees the backlash as a “tale as old as time” that has been replicated without much evidence onto emerging technology. “I’m not saying that tale is not rooted in some element of truth. But this, this didn’t start with TikTok, I would push back against language that seems to think it will end with TikTok.”
In the meantime, Gardner implores those worried to not lose sight of the most important concerns.
“If your concern is that [kids and teens] are spending too much time in online spaces. What are you doing to create safe, physical ones for them?” Gardner asks.
(This story is part of the Digital Equity Local Voices Fellowship Lab through News is Out. The lab initiative is made possible with support from Comcast NBCUniversal.)