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Gay rights 101

With laws varying from state to state and constantly changing, new book gives good overview

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Same-Sex Legal Kit for Dummies, books, gay news, Washington Blade

‘Same-Sex Legal Kit for Dummies’
By Carrie Stone and John G. Culhane
John Wiley & Sons
$34.99
366 pages + CD

Same-Sex Legal Kit for Dummies, books, gay news, Washington Blade

(Image courtesy of John Wiley & Sons)

You know your rights.

You’ve watched enough TV to know that you have the right to remain silent. You have the right to party all night. You have the right sides of the bed, the sofa and seating arrangements at the table.

But kidding aside, what are your legal rights?  In “Same-Sex Legal Kit for Dummies” by Carrie Stone and John G. Culhane, you’ll learn some eye-opening rights — and wrongs.

Fifty years ago, needing to know your rights as an LGBT individual would’ve largely been a moot point: there were no rights. Today, you have rights but since they seem to change daily, you might need help understanding them.

Take, for instance, marriage.

Most states, of course, don’t recognize same-sex marriage and won’t honor a marriage performed in another state. The federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) further “cripples” gay and lesbian marriage by “roping off” federally granted rights that straight married couples enjoy, thus complicating tax returns, government benefits, immigration and more.

Expanding the mess created by DOMA, if a state doesn’t recognize your marriage or civil union, you may (or may not) still need a divorce, should you split with your ex-beloved. Other issues boggle the mind: what if you’re bisexual and you marry a same-sex partner in a right-to-marry state? Could you also legally marry an opposite-sex partner in a state that doesn’t recognize your first wedding?

Once you’ve untangled partnership legalities, it’s natural that you’d want to create a family. There are several ways to bring children into your household and the authors have advice on protecting the rights of all concerned. You’ll also get tips on dealing with bullying, schools and nosy neighbors.

Know where to seek help to combat discrimination. Know what to do if you’re refused housing based on your sexual orientation. Learn how to mesh finances, protect joint assets and buy a house with a partner. Find out how to ensure your rights on medical issues. And, though you hope you never need it, learn the right way to dissolve your “legal LGBT relationship.”

And now you know why you need “Same-Sex Legal Kit for Dummies.”

Yes, it’s all complicated, but authors Stone and Culhane manage to make it just a little less so by giving readers a broad overview of the important issues, starting with marriage.

Since that’s not the only LGBT issue in the courts, however, they also cover wills and trusts, health directives, power-of-attorney issues, immigration and many issues relating to LGBT families and children. Also helpful are a CD that includes forms and sample documents, and a section called “The Part of Tens,” in which you’ll get tips on things that are not necessarily legalities, but are useful nonetheless.

Overall, this is a handy book and a good start for those times when something’s amiss legally. True, it’s not a replacement for an actual lawyer, but if you think having “Same-Sex Legal Kit for Dummies” would be good to have around, you’ll likely benefit from it.

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Books

Telling the Randy Shilts story

Remembering the book that made America pay attention to AIDS

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(Book cover image courtesy Chicago Review Press)

‘When the Band Played On’
By Michael G. Lee
c.2025, Chicago Review Press
$30/282 pages

You spent most of your early career playing second fiddle.

But now you’ve got the baton, and a story to tell that people aren’t going to want to hear, though it’s essential that they face the music. They must know what’s happening. As in the new book “When the Band Played On” by Michael G. Lee, this time, it’s personal.

Born in 1951 in small-town Iowa, Randy Shilts was his alcoholic, abusive mother’s third of six sons. Frustrated, drunk, she reportedly beat Shilts almost daily when he was young; she also called him a “sissy,” which “seemed to follow Randy everywhere.”

Perhaps because of the abuse, Shilts had to “teach himself social graces,” developing “adultlike impassiveness” and “biting sarcasm,” traits that featured strongly as he matured and became a writer. He was exploring his sexuality then, learning “the subtleties of sexual communication,” while sleeping with women before fully coming out as gay to friends.

Nearing his 21st birthday, Shilts moved to Oregon to attend college and to “allow myself love.” There, he became somewhat of an activist before leaving San Francisco to fully pursue journalism, focusing on stories of gay life that were “mostly unknown to anyone outside of gay culture.”

He would bounce between Oregon and California several times, though he never lost sight of his writing career and, through it, his activism. In both states, Shilts reported on gay life, until he was well known to national readers and gay influencers. After San Francisco supervisor Harvey Milk was assassinated, he was tapped to write Milk’s biography.

By 1982, Shilts was in love, had a book under his belt, a radio gig, and a regular byline in a national publication reporting “on the GRID beat,” an acronym later changed to AIDS. He was even under contract to write a second book.

But Shilts was careless. Just once, careless.

“In hindsight,” says Lee, “… it was likely the night when Randy crossed the line, becoming more a part of the pandemic than just another worried bystander.”

Perhaps not surprisingly, there are two distinct audiences for “When the Band Played On.” One type of reader will remember the AIDS crisis and the seminal book about it. The other is too young to remember it, but needs to know Randy Shilts’s place in its history.

The journey may be different, but the result is the same: author Michael G. Lee tells a complicated, still-controversial story of Shilts and the book that made America pay attention, and it’s edgy for modern eyes. Lee clearly shows why Shilts had fans and haters, why Shilts was who he was, and Lee keeps some mystery in the tale. Shilts had the knowledge to keep himself safe but he apparently didn’t, and readers are left to wonder why. There’s uncomfortable tension in that, and a lot of hypothetical thinking to be had.

For scholars of gay history, this is an essential book to read. Also, for anyone too young to remember AIDS as it was, “When the Band Played On” hits the right note.

The Blade may receive commissions from qualifying purchases made via this post.

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Out & About

2025 is the year to prioritize LGBTQ wellness

Community center hosts workshop ‘prioritizing self-care & community care’

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The DC LGBTQ+ Community Center will host “Prioritizing Self-Care & Community Care in 2025 Workshop” on Wednesday, Jan. 22 at 7 p.m.

This will be an engaging conversation about how to prioritize self-care and community care in the upcoming year. This one-hour workshop will be facilitated by Program Director & Psychotherapist Jocelyn Jacoby. This workshop is designed to be a place where LGBTQ people can be in community with each other as the community grapples with fear and hope and comes up with practical ways to promote resiliency.

Registration for this event is mandatory and can be accessed on the DC Center’s website

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Calendar

Calendar: January 17-25

LGBTQ events in the days to come

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Friday, January 17

Trans and Genderqueer Game Night will be at 6 p.m. at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. This will be a relaxing, laid-back evening of games and fun. All are welcome. There will be card and board games on hand. Feel free to bring your own games to share. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website

Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Happy Hour” at 7 p.m. at DIK Bar. This event is ideal for making new friends, professional networking, idea-sharing, and community building. This event is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

Saturday, January 18

Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Brunch” at 11 a.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant. This fun weekly event brings the DMV area LGBTQ+ community, including allies, together for food and conversation. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

LGBTQ People of Color Support Group will be at 1 p.m. on Zoom. This peer support group is an outlet for LGBTQ People of Color to come together and talk about anything affecting them in a space that strives to be safe and judgment free. For more information and events for LGBTQ People of Color, visit thedccenter.org/poc or facebook.com/centerpoc.

Sunday, January 19

Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Dinner” at 6:30 p.m. at Federico Ristorante Italiano. Guests are encouraged to come enjoy an evening of Italian-style dining and conversation with other LGBTQ+ folk. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

DC Queer Events will host “LGBTQ Friendly: Sapphic ‘Dance After Dark’ Rooftop Party” at 9 p.m. at Baby Shank. This LGBTQ-friendly Sapphic party welcomes all allies. Enjoy beats of house, disco, and eclectic sounds from talented DJs, including DJ Clamazon, DJ Sunnii, and DC DJ India. Picture a chill vibe, and a night full of connection and joy. Tickets start at $15 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

Monday, January 20

MLK Day and the inauguration of President Trump at noon on the Capitol steps [outdoor events subject to cancellation]. 

Tuesday, January 21

BiRoundtable Discussion will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is an opportunity for people to gather in order to discuss issues related to bisexuality or as bi individuals in a private setting. For more details, visit Facebook or Meetup

Wednesday, January 22

Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, including the long-term unemployed, improve self-confidence, motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking — allowing participants to move away from being merely “applicants” toward being “candidates.” For more information, email [email protected] or visit www.thedccenter.org/careers.

Asexual and Aromantic Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a space where people who are questioning this aspect of their identity or those who identify as asexual and/or aromantic can come together, share stories and experiences, and discuss various topics. For more details, email [email protected]

Thursday, January 23

The DC Center’s Fresh Produce Program will be held all day at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. People will be informed on Wednesday at 5 p.m. if they are picked to receive a produce box. No proof of residency or income is required. For more information, email [email protected] or call 202-682-2245. 

Virtual Yoga with Sarah M. will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a free weekly class focusing on yoga, breath work, and meditation. For more details, visit the DC Center for the LGBT Community’s website.

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