Living
10 kids, 2 dads
Gay couple takes Father’s Day to a whole new level
Clint McCormack and Bryan Reamer are raising 10 kids in Michigan. (Photo courtesy the couple)
Trying to do a phone interview with Clint McCormack and Bryan Reamer, the two parents who were featured in OWN’s “10 Kids, 2 Dads” reality special last year, is a lot like trying to get honey out of a bee-lined hive. You’re not going to have an easy time of it. One kid comes in asking about food, another interrupts to talk about schoolwork, a third has just awoken from a nap and wants attention.
Still, somehow, the dads manage to live in this sort of controlled chaotic environment and create a loving family atmosphere where everyone is happy.
As a committed gay couple living in suburban Michigan, the couple knew they wanted to start a family, but 10 kids and nonstop commotion wasn’t exactly what they had envisioned.
What might seem crazy to most just felt right to the Farmington Hills couple, that originally set out to adopt just one child before eventually winding up with their 10 boys. McCormack comes from a family of six children while Reamer has just a brother, but both wanted to raise a family.
“We never intentionally wanted to adopt 10 children; it was the furthest thing from our minds,” McCormack says. “We thought maybe two or three max, but it just happened.”
After looking into foster children originally, McCormack found a place where they would be connected with birth mothers and in 1998, they adopted Keegan at his birth. Not satisfied to have an only child, a year later, they decided to look at adopting another child.
McCormack next found an agency in New Jersey to help the couple be matched with a child who could be a sibling to Keegan. Instead of one, the agency offered twins, Kenny and Mark (now 19).
“I decided to wait until I got the paperwork until I said anything to Bryan,” McCormack says. “Initially, he was a little wary of it, but we took the next step and met them and decided to proceed.”
No sooner was the twins’ adoption finalized when they got another call from the agency about a 3-year-old who they couldn’t find a home for. A caseworker came to their home, dropped off the kid and said, “I’ll see you on Sunday,” and then just left.
“He was not saying anything and I called Bryan and told him to hurry home. I noticed his diaper was wet and when I went to change it, I noticed he had leg braces on. I was never told that,” he says. “We brought him to a pediatrician the next day. He was really frail and going home, I was crying, saying I couldn’t adopt him because he’s going to die on us, and what would that do to our kids and I couldn’t handle it.”
Reamer knew that they couldn’t send him back. Being the more practical of the pair, he laid out his case that if they brought him back, he would die and the boy needed their love. Not long after, Caleb became son number four. Today, their “miracle kid” is walking normally and loving life.
“I thought our family was complete at that point,” McCormack says. “Maybe a year later, we got another call.”
The situation presented to them was that the agency had three brothers and they couldn’t find a home that would take in all three. They wanted Reamer and McCormack to consider adopting them, because if they didn’t, they would have to be split up.
“I called Bryan right away and told him they were going to split these kids up, and they were 7, 8 and 9, and you can’t do that to a kid. So, we started the whole process again,” McCormack says. “That’s how we got Seth (now 17), Garrett (now 18) and Graeme (now 19).”
With seven boys in the house, all becoming young men, McCormack started to yearn for the patter of little feet around the home again. He really wanted a baby — and a girl. The latter wouldn’t happen, but over the next few years Hayden (now 6), Liam (now 8) and Cooper (now 4) joined the family.
Before any of their adoptions went through, the couple asked themselves three questions:
“Can we do it financially? Can we do it physically? Can we do it emotionally?” Once an honest yes could be agreed upon, they knew it was in the cards.
“We are not adopting any more children,” McCormack says. “We have been offered two more children but we’ve turned them down. We are talking about what we want to do when we retire and stuff, and it’s like no more kids.”
The family lives in a four-bedroom house with two-and-a-half baths, and the oldest boys are currently in college and ready to move out. All the children have cell phones except the two little ones and they all constantly stay in touch with one another so everyone is always accounted for — at least as best you can with teenagers.
The two play to each other’s strengths to keep their home running smoothly. McCormack (or Papa as the kids call him) takes on the role of homemaker and chauffeur, while Reamer (Daddy) helps with homework and sports and is the disciplinarian of the household.
Reamer says his favorite thing about being a dad is when one of the younger kids comes up to him unsolicited and gives him a hug and kiss and says, “I love you Daddy.”
“Or when one of the older kids asks an interesting question. It gives me the opportunity to present different answers depending on situations,” he says. “This challenges them to broaden their scope of possibilities to evaluate when coming to a conclusion about something.”
Then he enjoys a lot of other dad-type things like sledding or attending sporting events.
“We always wanted children and when you want something, you make it work,” McCormack says. “We have really good kids. We were told things about their past where other people may have run away from, but we are very lucky.”
Think your life is consumed with kids’ activities? Imagine what McCormack and Reamer go through over the course of a week. There are sports, music lessons, school functions, community events, driving tests, play dates, doctor’s appointments and even college visits. And a lot of trips to the grocery store.
“I spend my days as a taxi driver,” McCormack says. “I try to remember everything but sometimes things fall through the cracks. Some have work, some have school, some have sports. I know where the kids are all the time, but I’m constantly being reminded I need to be here or there at a specific time.”
During the song “It’s a Hard Knock Life” from the musical “Annie,” there’s a lyric that goes, “Santa Clause we never see, Santa Claus what’s that, who’s he?” It’s something that hit very close to home for the two dads when they were first adopting their family.
“When we adopted our three together they didn’t know what birthdays were, they didn’t know what Christmas was, they didn’t know what Thanksgiving was, and they were 7, 8 and 9,” McCormack says. “They never experienced holidays. I was so dumbfounded that there are children in the states who don’t get anything for Christmas or experience Thanksgiving or Easter.”
Because of that, every Christmas the two dads and their 10 sons provide as many Christmas presents to foster children as they can through their foundation, Cee Bee Enterprises. Last year they provided gifts to more than 145 kids.
You would think that having 10 boys in the house would put a strain on the couple’s love life, but Reamer says that he and McCormack plan time together each day and still find time to do things away from the kids.
“We go out to dinner on Friday night and we have another home and our children are old enough where we can go up to our cottage for a weekend and the older ones can watch the littler ones,” he says. “We check on them constantly.”
As for the show on the Oprah Network, McCormack says it was a fun experience for everyone involved. Primarily shot in April 2012 in their former Canton home, the special chronicles the McCormack-Reamer family’s daily life, which includes all the madness you’d expect from a 12-person, two-dog household.
“Our reason for doing it was to show people that you can get great kids out of foster care,” he says. “We wanted people to see that it’s just like everyone else’s family.”
Advice
We’re getting married but our parents object
Will their disapproval and shortcomings derail our hopes for a happy life?
Dear Michael,
My girlfriend and I are getting married! We’re really excited, but we’ve got some big concerns as well.
All of our parents have had multiple marriages. I think 10 between the four of them. So we don’t have much in the way of role models for a successful marriage.
Also, we don’t have any parental support. Except for one of my ex-stepmothers whom I’m close to, none of our parents are happy that their daughter is getting married to another woman. That’s an understatement. Religious objections, moral objections, being angry that we’re “embarrassing them,” these are some of the things we’ve been told.
We do have some supportive siblings and step-siblings, which is great, although they’re getting pushback from parents about attending our wedding.
Given all this, what suggestions do you have for how we can make a go of our marriage? The divorce rate is over 50 percent for everyone. With all this baggage, we’re worried that we have even less of a chance. Thank you.
Michael replies:
First, congratulations!
Regarding your lack of family support: I’m sorry that you both have to deal with so much criticism, disdain, and judgment. Please don’t let your parents’ negativity influence your own views of yourselves and your relationship. Focus instead on the love and caring you will get from friends, community and the family who are present on your big day (I hope your siblings are brave enough to make it!). Being the recipients of that support is one of the sweetest parts of getting married.
Don’t worry about the high divorce rate. While some couples really shouldn’t stay married, lots of people get divorced because they don’t know what is required to have a good marriage, or don’t put in the effort to do so. That does not have to be your fate.
Similarly, your parents’ terrible track record doesn’t mean you have to repeat their marital histories. The skills to have a strong marriage are learnable.
To that end, here are the best tips I can offer the two of you:
- If you want a loving marriage, be a loving partner. Don’t snipe, sulk, or do the silent treatment when you’re mad. Unconditional love is largely a myth. Even our dogs won’t love us if we are mean to them.
- Don’t spend much time or effort focusing on what your spouse is doing wrong or how she is letting you down. Doing so leads to resentment and feeling like you’re a powerless victim. Instead, ask yourself what your own contribution is to the problem, and what you can do to make things better. You don’t have much power over your partner, but you have a lot of power over yourself.
You can certainly ask your spouse for what you’d like from her, but don’t expect to always get it. And don’t base your own wellbeing or good behavior on what your partner does or doesn’t do.
- Because any two people are always different in some important ways, there is no way that you both can always want the same things, or think the same way, or have the same priorities. Accept this! There has to be room for each of you to be an individual, not only part of a couple.
- Be generous as often as you can be, and have a boundary when it’s important for you to have one.
- When your spouse states that she has a boundary, respect it. Do not push her to back off from something that is important to her.
- Don’t keep score, including how much more you do or how often you don’t get your way. Instead, work together to have a collaborative marriage where you work together to make decisions and get things done.
- Strive not to weigh the relationship down with neediness. Once we’re grownups, it’s mainly our own job to soothe ourselves. You don’t want to burn out your partner’s empathy.
Of course you can ask for a hug, love, reassurance, support, advice, and a shoulder to cry on when you’re down. Just aim be the first person you turn to when you’re upset, and do your best to keep your own mood steady.
- Do not wait for your significant other to go first. Not on planning a date, not on apologizing, not on loading the dishwasher or cleaning the bathroom. If you wait for her to make the first move, you will have a resentful relationship where nothing good ever happens.
Keeping these principles part of your operating system, even — and especially — at those moments when your spouse isn’t doing her best, will go a long way toward helping you build and maintain a loving and happy marriage.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
Technology
E-INFOSOL leaders encourage youth to pursue tech careers
Service-disabled, veteran-owned business based in Rockville
The technology field can be a gateway to economic mobility.
At E-INFOSOL, a service-disabled, veteran-owned business based in Rockville, Md., CEO and co-founder Fredy Pesante and Vice President of Service Delivery Charles Barnett say internships, mentorship and free online resources can help young people break into IT. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics projects an average of 317,000 job openings per year in the field until 2034.
Led by Iraq War Army veteran Pesante, E-INFOSOL stands out for its efforts to increase opportunities for veterans, people of color and others in under-resourced communities to find careers in tech and its mental health support for employees.
Pesante and Barnett spoke with Youthcast Media Group about technology careers. The executives also talked about the value of government security clearances, stressing that the choices youth make today — including their digital footprints and personal conduct — can shape tech workforce opportunities.
The interview has been edited for clarity and length.
Can you describe what E-INFOSOL does and what your role is there?
BARNETT: We focus mainly [on] providing IT services to the federal government. And those IT services consist of cloud engineering, cloud development, cloud security, app development and cybersecurity, and a lot of infrastructure virtualization-type work. My role is [vice president] of service delivery, responsible for ensuring that we are providing great customer service to our customers [and] that we are meeting our deliverables and our requirements to our customers. But also, one of the key focuses is ensuring that our employees have the tools [and] resources to be successful, and that includes coaching, training and developing our employees, and obviously treating them like they want to be treated.
Is IT a career that can help reverse the cycle of poverty in low-income parts of the D.C. area? What more would need to be done to potentially get more youth access to the right technology and training?
BARNETT: One thing we’ve got to ensure is that we, as professionals that have been through it, that have had a lot of experience in the IT space, provide that mechanism to bring folks along with us. That is, exposing our youth to information technology at a young age. If we can show that it’s very interesting, and it’s beneficial, and if they are committed to it and they show a sense of pride and commitment, I think it works out for a lot of people that are coming up from disadvantaged communities that don’t have technology within the house and who don’t have mentors that come from the technology field.
PESANTE: I still think internships work well for high school, even college. IT certifications are still something in demand in specific areas … Charles and myself, we’re part of the Technology Advisory Board at [Montgomery College] and they offer free resources as well to give an advantage to students that don’t have a career path. So find a way to leverage those local resources that are available and try to capitalize on those. IT is such a great field because even though it’s great to have an undergraduate (degree), that is not always a full basis into having an IT career. So you could start in high school … There’s a lot of free stuff online. There’s a lot of YouTube videos. There’s so many resources. To be honest, there’s even now AI that can really teach you [and] it’s free to a certain level that you could use.
As a veteran-led company with a significant veteran workforce, how does E-INFOSOL support employee well-being and mental-health awareness?
PESANTE: Approximately 35 percent to 40 percent of our employees are veterans. Veterans often gravitate toward working with one another because we share a mission-focused mentality and a commitment to getting the job done.
Mental health has always mattered to us, but it became even more personal after we lost one of our respected leaders, a fellow veteran who had battled mental illness. I worked closely with his family to help honor his story and legacy.
That experience reinforced the importance of supporting mental health across our entire workforce. We encourage managers to maintain meaningful contact with employees, provide appropriate training, and connect people with available resources. We want our actions to match what we say about being a people-first company. Our employee retention has remained strong, and I believe the way we care for our people has contributed to that.
How does getting or having a U.S. government security clearance help? How would a young person pursue getting a security clearance, and what should they keep in mind if they plan to do so?
PESANTE: We live in a world of social media. Make sure you’re … not going to be concerned with somebody finding you on the Internet behaving a certain way. Even though, in some locations, drugs like medical marijuana and what not are considered legal, [that is] not [the case] in the federal government. The use of any substances that could be mind-altering, that’s not a thing [that’s allowed] in the federal government. Also, from a legal perspective, from a criminal background perspective, that’s something that any checkup is going to come up [with], so [make] sure that you’re behaving in a manner exemplifying honesty, reliability, sound judgment, responsible conduct, and trustworthiness. The best thing for getting clearances at that early jump is internships. We’ve been able to get people clearances through the internship process. After a person fits a specific requirement, you train them and they get a government clearance, and that helps them have a head start. When I moved out here after living in Puerto Rico and I was in the Army, I had a clearance. I was able to find a job quickly.
Any other advice for young people considering this path?
PESANTE: I would say go for it. As minorities, there are a lot of external factors we can’t control, but nobody can ever stop you if you’re great at what you do, if you have a strong work ethic and if you put a lot of effort into making the best out of yourself. It’s never too early to work on yourself and look for ways to work on your professional career, work on your soft skills… Make sure you are working with peers and surrounding yourself with the right people throughout your whole life. I had a mentor myself when I started in the business — Carlos Rivera. He’s from Puerto Rico. He was a veteran. And that always helped me out, having somebody that you want to aspire to [be].
BARNETT: Do not be afraid to fail. You know you’re going to make mistakes. People around you are going to make mistakes. Learn from it, and learn from that, and don’t allow people to impact your goals and objectives. You set your path and if you set your path, you’re going to go a very long way, and if you’re really committed and continue to establish relationships along your entire path, you’re going to reap the benefits of ensuring that you are in a position to take advantage of opportunities that are in front of you.
Joseph Jackson is in the class of 2027 at Bard High School Early College DC, one of Youthcast Media Group’s partner schools. Shreya Jyotishi, YMG Assistant Manager of Content and Programs, also worked on this story.
Remember when buying a new car didn’t require the financial stamina of a “Succession” character? This summer, the average new-vehicle price hit $49,758—basically $50,000 with a little lipstick on it. That makes the Kia K4 hatchback and Nissan Kicks especially refreshing. Neither requires a second mortgage, a trust fund or a makeover to look good. And both prove you can still buy a new vehicle without selling your soul — or your vacation plans.
KIA K4 HATCHBACK
$25,000
Mpg: 28 city/34 highway
0 to 60 mph: 9.1 seconds
Cargo space: 22.2 cu. ft.
PROS: Edgy exterior. Roomy interior. User-friendly controls.
CONS: So-so base engine. Pricy turbo. No all-wheel drive.
WHAT’S NEW: Basically everything. The K4 hatchback debuted earlier this year, joining the K4 sedan.
Kia’s stylish five-door K4 boasts three trim levels. The first two use a capable four-cylinder engine, while the top-of-the-line model comes with a turbo.
That turbo provides some genuine zip, though it won’t blow your socks off. Think Janelle Monáe in a tailored suit, not Brad Pitt arriving at the F1 racetrack in a fireproof jumpsuit.
The real star, though, is the design. Sleek. Upscale. A tad mysterious.
Inside, another surprise: vast legroom and storage. Fold the backseats and you can toss in the usual road-trip clutter, plus that regrettable piece of furniture you bought after watching one too many HGTV shows.
Technology is also a bonus, including a digital key that lets you use a smartphone or smartwatch as a direct key fob. You can even share this digital key with friends or family. Just don’t share it with anyone who often loses their actual keys.
Despite some SUV vibes, the K4 remains unapologetically car-like. It sits lower. Feels more conventional. And offers hatchback practicality without itching to conquer the Rockies.
The biggest downside? No all-wheel drive.
Still, for shoppers who crave style, space and gadgetry, the K4 won’t break the bank. To me, it’s like finding a designer jacket at a thrift shop.
NISSAN KICKS
$23,000
Mpg: 28 city/35 highway
0 to 60 mph: 8.9 seconds
Cargo space: 23.9 cubic feet
PROS: Dashing design. Safety gear galore. All-wheel drive.
CONS: Bit pokey. Noisy engine. Limited rear visibility.
WHAT’S NEW: Redesigned last year with a bit more power, bigger cabin and bold looks, Nissan leaves the winning formula alone.
Like the Kia K4, the Nissan Kicks comes in three trims levels. But it also includes all-wheel drive — a nice plus when navigating snow, sleet or cratered alleys.
There’s an extensive suite of active and passive safety features. And the high ground clearance improves driver visibility, which is somewhat hindered in the back by thick roof pillars.
Styling is tastefully flamboyant. Dramatic lighting. Two-tone finishes. Cheerful, without being cartoonish. Miranda Priestly would approve.
Power, though, is more akin to Miranda’s art director Nigel Kipling. Dependable. Functional. Just not enthusiastic.
Inside, the mod cabin has large 12.3-inch displays, wireless smartphone connectivity and charging, and “zero gravity seats” designed to reduce driver fatigue and stiffness. Add in the stunning Bose Personal Plus audio system, with 10 speakers—including those integrated into the headrests—for an immersive 360-degree sound experience.
The Kicks doesn’t try to be rugged or luxurious. It simply offers a lot of everyday usefulness in a small package.
There is a trade-off. The engine gets noisy when pushed, and there are sportier (often pricier) competitors. But that’s hardly a crime. Not every vehicle needs to perform catwalk struts down the street.
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