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Queery: Doug Yocum

The Chantry singer answers 20 gay questions

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Doug Yocum, Chantry, gay news, Washington Blade
Doug Yocum, Chantry, gay news, Washington Blade

Doug Yocum (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Doug Yocum loves choral singing so much, he’s in several local groups.

He sings in the National Cathedral choir, another group called District 8 and a Spanish group called Coral Cantigas. His group Chantry, which specializes in Baroque and Renaissance “early” music, has two concerts this weekend.

Though he loves singing different types of music with the various choirs, he says the balance of parts in early music makes singing with Chantry especially enjoyable.

“It really provides an opportunity to interact with the other singers,” he says. “You’re not just up there watching a conductor wave his hands. We do have a conductor, but there’s something about the way we sing that’s really special. You can truly interact with each other and the music is really a dialogue.”

Chantry has two concerts in the region this weekend. Tonight (Friday), its members will be St. Bernadette’s (70 University Blvd. East in Silver Spring) at 7:30 p.m. and on Saturday at 8, the group will perform at St. Mary Mother of God (72 Fifth St., N.W.) in Chinatown. The group will perform “Spain in the Sistine at Christmas” a Mass by Cristobal de Morales. Tickets are $35 and $15 for students under 24. Visit chantrydc.com for details.

Yocum has been in the group for about a year. The 27-year-old Philadelphia native came to D.C. to go to school at the University of Maryland. By day, he works as a sales and supply support specialist for IKEA at its College Park, Md., location.

Yocum is single and lives in Columbia Heights. He enjoys music, kickball and exploring new bars and restaurants in his free time.

 

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?

I came out my first year in college. The toughest person to tell was my best friend from high school. I kept so much of my personality guarded, so when I wanted to share that part of my life, even with someone close to me, it was like reintroducing myself.

 

Who’s your LGBT hero?

Teresa Butz. As she and her partner were repeatedly raped and stabbed, Teresa sacrificed her life fighting off the attacker to give her partner a chance to escape. While opponents of equal rights continue to question the legitimacy of LGBT relationships, Teresa is an undeniable example of the love that can exist between two people, whatever their sexual orientation.

 

What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present? 

MOVA. The bar is beautiful and the bartenders are friendly. The location is also convenient, and the rooftop is amazing in the summer.

 

Describe your dream wedding.

I’ve always dreamed of a big, traditional wedding mixed with some fun, quirky elements.  It will be one of the most important days of my life, so I want to be able to share it with my family and friends.

 

What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?

Animal rights is an issue close to my heart. We all have a responsibility to advocate for animals. They can’t speak for themselves, so when we see injustices against them, it’s up to us to raise our voices.

 

What historical outcome would you change?

The 2000 presidential election. In addition to undermining the electoral system, it put us on a path that turned away from progress and reconciliation.

 

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

Probably the Janet Jackson nip slip. I was at a Super Bowl party with my church youth group when it happened, which, of course, resulted in immediate chaos, making it even more laughable for me. “Wardrobe malfunction” jokes were totally in vogue for months after.

 

On what do you insist?

Punctuality. It’s such an easy way to show respect to others.

 

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?

An Instagram of the National Cathedral in the snow.

 

If your life were a book, what would the title be?

“Wall Cats, Temper Tantrums and Other Short Stories”

 

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?

The world is only as interesting as the people living in it. I definitely wouldn’t want to live in a less diverse world, so I would encourage everyone to embrace what makes them unique, and to share that with those around them.

 

What do you believe in beyond the physical world? 

I believe we’re all connected on some level. Every action, whether positive or negative, has consequences, so it’s important that we think about how our actions might affect someone else.

 

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?

I think it’s important to highlight the unique accomplishments and social contributions of LGBT people. It’s also vital that members of the LGBT community live lives that exemplify the values we wish to see in the world.

 

What would you walk across hot coals for?

Really good sushi. I was only recently turned on to sushi and now I can’t get enough of it.

 

What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?

When straight friends think that their gay friends should date, just because they’re gay. “Oh you’re gay? I have a gay friend, I’ll have to set you up!”

What’s your favorite LGBT movie?

“To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.” My grandmother let me watch it on Pay-per-View when my parents weren’t home. I don’t think she cared for it, but I thought it was great. It still makes me laugh and the ending gets me every time.

 

What’s the most overrated social custom?

Asking “How are you?” We say it out of ritual, just to be polite, but we rarely stop to listen to the answer.

 

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

The TED Prize (Technology, Entertainment, Design). It’s a grant awarded to an extraordinary thinker to help them inspire others to change the world. It would be an incredible opportunity to leave a lasting mark on the world.

 

What do you wish you’d known at 18?

I know it’s a cheesy cliché, but I wish I had truly understood that “fitting in” is really about being comfortable in your own skin.

 

Why Washington?

If you’ve never gone to the National Mall for the Fourth of July, do it. Every summer, relaxing between the Capitol Building and the Washington Monument with thousands of other Washingtonians to enjoy the fireworks, I’m reminded how awesome this city is.

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Real Estate

Under-the-radar Delaware beach towns smart buyers are targeting

There are other options if Rehoboth prices are scaring you off

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If you want to escape the crowds and nightlife scene of Rehoboth Beach, Sussex County offers plenty of options. (Blade file photo by Daniel Truitt)

Look, we love Rehoboth. We will always love Rehoboth. Queer folks have been flocking there since the 1940s, and with scores of LGBTQ-owned businesses and a Pride calendar packed tighter than the boardwalk in July, “Rehomo” earned its crown fair and square.

But let’s be honest with each other: trying to buy property there right now feels a lot like trying to get a reservation at the one good restaurant in town on a Saturday in August. Everyone wants in, inventory is tighter than your swim trunks after Labor Day brunch, and the prices have officially entered “are you kidding me” territory.

So here’s a thought: What if you didn’t fight the crowd? What if, instead, you let Rehoboth keep doing its glorious, chaotic, glitter-bomb thing and you quietly built your beach life 15 minutes away for considerably less drama and considerably more square footage? Here are four towns ready for their close-up.

Lewes: The Charming Overachiever

Lewes is what happens when a beach town actually has its life together. Historic charm, walkability, proximity to Cape Henlopen State Park, less crowding, and a strong year-round community. Unlike towns that turn into ghost towns after Labor Day, Lewes maintains a real community all year long, which is more than we can say for some situationships.

And right now, the market is practically begging you to make a move. It’s one of the most desirable and stable markets in the county — built for buyers thinking long-term, not flippers, and Sussex County overall has flipped into genuine buyer’s market territory for the first time in years. Translation: you finally get to be the one with leverage. 

Bethany Beach: My Personal Pick

Full disclosure: I own in Bethany. So consider this section a little biased — and also the most honest thing I’ll tell you in this whole article.

When I drive down from D.C., I’m not looking for more of D.C. I love this city, but I also love leaving it — and yes, some of the people in it too (you know who you are, and so do I). Bethany gives me that full exhale. It’s quiet in the way that actually means something: fewer crowds, slower mornings, a soundtrack that’s mostly waves instead of nightlife. It leans hard into its “quiet resort” reputation, with low property taxes and a limited geographic footprint, and it is not the least bit sorry about it. 

But quiet doesn’t mean isolated. I’ve got a genuinely excellent food scene nearby, real shopping, and a string of charming neighboring beach towns — and when I do want a taste of Rehoboth’s energy, it’s a short, easy drive away. I get to choose my dose of chaos instead of living inside it.

And here’s the part that matters most for this article: the price. If you’ve looked at Rehoboth listings and quietly closed the tab in despair, I need you to hear this — you can absolutely afford a beach house. It just doesn’t have to be in Rehoboth. Bethany’s average home value sits around $848,592, which is still real money, no question — but it buys you more house, more land, and more peace than the same budget gets you closer to the boardwalk. Bethany is welcoming too, just without Rehoboth’s decades of built-in queer institutional history — and for plenty of us, that trade-off is more than worth it. 

Fenwick Island: Small Town, Big Flex

Fenwick rarely gets mentioned and, frankly, it should be insulted. It’s tiny, it’s quiet, and it has beach access without the carnival energy. The market data tends to lump it in with Bethany, where single-family oceanfront homes clear $1 million while entry-level condos start in the $600s — proof that “under-the-radar” doesn’t mean “bargain bin,” it means “fewer people fighting you for it.” 

South Bethany: For the Boat Gays

Some of us want sand between our toes. Others want a private dock and a boat named something deeply unserious. South Bethany’s canal communities are built for the latter — water access on both sides, fewer crowds, and a lifestyle that says, “I have a captain’s hat and I am not afraid to wear it.”

The Math Works in Your Favor Now

Here’s the part that should really get your attention: Sussex County’s median sold price has dropped to $440,000, down 3.3% year-over-year, and buyers are routinely closing around 88 cents on the dollar compared to asking price. That’s a far cry from the unhinged bidding wars of 2021 and 2022, when overpaying was basically a competitive sport. Inventory across the county sits at nearly 2,500 active listings — the most of any county in Delaware, meaning you actually get to be picky for once. Revolutionary, we know. 

And no, choosing one of these towns doesn’t mean leaving your people behind. Sussex Pride serves the entire county, not just Rehoboth proper, and CAMP Rehoboth’s resources extend well beyond town limits too. You’re not exiling yourself to the suburbs of queerness — you’re just getting a bigger kitchen, a quieter porch, and a much shorter line for the bathroom. 

Add in the fact that Delaware has no estate tax and some of the lowest property taxes around, savings that genuinely add up over a retirement horizon, and the case writes itself. Rehoboth will always be the beating, sequined heart of queer beach culture in Delaware. But if you’ve been telling yourself a beach house isn’t in the cards — I’m here to tell you it absolutely is. It just might be 15 minutes south, with your own quiet porch, your own salt air, and considerably more room to breathe. 

Have a real estate question or Rehoboth market tip? Reach out to [email protected] for LGBTQ-friendly real estate resources in the Rehoboth area.


Justin Noble is a Realtor licensed in D.C., Maryland, and Delaware with Monument Sotheby’s International Realty. Reach him at [email protected] or 302-897-7499.

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Real Estate

‘Culture eats strategy for breakfast’

Real estate agents must adapt, learn how to manage from within

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A real estate agent is contractually bound to act on their client’s behalf. (Photo by Andy Dean Photography/Bigstock)

“Culture Eats Strategy for Breakfast” was a phrase often repeated in many of my management courses from the University of Illinois. The concept was discussed at length – how the best laid plans can sometimes be supported or derailed by the culture of the people involved in whichever project to be implemented. Whether it be a project to implement new software, roll out a new product or service, or just reaching a sales target, the way the team involved works together can indeed affect the outcome.  

Perhaps this is just another way to say, “teamwork makes the dream work!” Most teams usually have someone who is designated as a leader. The leader can try to lead through authority and control or can alternatively try to lead through influence and encouraging a more collective framework for solving problems.  

Why does this matter when picking the right real estate agent or team to work with? Besides having a job as a salesperson for the brokerage, the real estate agent is contractually bound to act on their client’s behalf. The buyer broker agreement is in place so that the agent and the client can work together as a team in communications regarding offer strategy, during negotiations, implementing marketing plans, as well as selecting which renovations or upgrades to choose before selling a property.  After the property goes under contract, the job isn’t “done”.  There is still work to do.  

At this point, the agents then turn into a project manager of sorts – coordinating communications between the lending team, the title attorneys, the other client’s agents, any governmental agencies that could be involved in down payment assistance or helping to clear a property for a sale, and often times groups like a condo board, a home inspector, or contractors when arranging repairs and estimates before a final walk through. 

In short, the agent takes on somewhat of a “leadership role” in the transaction and ensures that all the ducks stay in a row until the project is complete.  That agent will hopefully be very fluid and forthcoming with their information, copying the required parties on all communications and creating a “paper trail” of who said what or didn’t offer to fix A, B, or C, so that all the minutiae of the contract can be addressed and fulfilled before the settlement date.  The agent often must wear many hats and quickly learn the communication styles of an entire new set of people in a short period.  One person may not return calls for a week after being contacted.  Another person may go on vacation at the beginning of the process and not return emails for two weeks.  Another person may wish to have daily updates of the progress of the process. 

In this way – an agent quickly learns in each transaction that “culture can eat strategy for breakfast.” Because the agent must adapt to a wide variety of communication styles, learn how to “manage from within”, build support for closing the project by the due date, and somehow keep all the interested parties invested, engaged, and responsive.  

Who you work with matters when picking the right person to represent you in your next transaction – so, just remember that “teamwork makes the dream work!”


Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with RLAH. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].

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Advice

My boyfriend is almost perfect

But the sex isn’t mind blowing

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Sex tends to change after spending many years with the same partner. (Photo by Rawpixel . com / Bigstock)

Dear Michael,

I’ve been dating Mark for three years, living together for two, and I’m not sure he’s for me. We get along great but I’m questioning how attracted I am to him.

I was never crazy about him physically but he was such a sweet and smart guy that I wanted to date him.

Sex was never mind-blowing and the longer we’ve been together the more this is bothering me. I wonder if I could find someone who appeals to me more, physically.

On the plus side, I like him a lot. He has good values, shares my religious faith, which is hard to find in another gay guy, is responsible and has a good work ethic. Also, I just have fun with him and he’s always interested to hear what’s on my mind.  He’s an all-around decent guy.

As I’m writing this, I’m thinking that he seems great and that I’m a fool for even questioning our relationship. But all my friends are always talking about the amazing sex they are having, and then I think I’m missing out on a key part of life because my sex life is comparatively lackluster.

I don’t want to settle. But how likely am I to find another guy who is as all-around a good catch as Mark, but with more sexual chemistry?

Michael replies:

I don’t think the right approach is to wonder about your chances for of finding someone better. Anyone you find will have things you aren’t crazy about.

For example, you might find someone whom you’re wildly attracted to sexually, but they’ll bore you or annoy you, or have values you don’t respect.

I understand that you aren’t wildly sexually attracted to Mark. The truth is that it’s extremely unlikely that you would remain wildly sexually attracted to anyone for that long. People tend to get used to each other over time. Sex can remain great, but more from closeness and love than heat and sizzle.

I work with people all the time who wonder if there is someone “better” out there. And I tell them, they’re never going to get through all the possibilities before they die. Instead, how about thinking if the guy you are with is someone you’d like to go with on this journey through life?

Mark’s attributes that you mention sound wonderful to me. After more than 30 years working with folks on relationships, and being in my own 30+ year relationship, I have learned a thing or two about what creates a relationship that is satisfying and good. A decent, kind guy with admirable values is an excellent start. 

The question is, can you live with your sex life not being on an orgasmically hot mind-blowing level? I hope the answer is yes, because sex with anyone you pick is not likely to stay in that sort of realm for long.

Another point to consider: I don’t think you should get too caught up in what your friends are telling you. They may be having amazing sex, but are they all having it with the same long-term partner? As I mentioned, long-term sex can be great, but the excitement tends to be replaced by caring connection over time.

I’ll generalize here for a moment: Because so many gay men have many sexual partners, the kind of sex you have with someone new, whom you’re tremendously attracted to, tends to be glorified among gay men as the gold standard of sex. But it’s not realistic for sex with a long-term partner.

This glorification is a big problem: It leaves gay men who are not having torrid sex with lots of guys feeling like there is something wrong with the sex they are having, that they are missing out on something super fantastic. Just like you are feeling.

If you want a lifetime of ongoing hot sex, I don’t think you should be looking for a relationship. If you are willing to accept sex being a not-always fantastic, but perhaps consistently loving, often good, and occasionally great part of life with a kind decent guy, then Mark might just be the right partner for you after all. 

(Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].)

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