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Queery: Doug Yocum

The Chantry singer answers 20 gay questions

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Doug Yocum, Chantry, gay news, Washington Blade
Doug Yocum, Chantry, gay news, Washington Blade

Doug Yocum (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Doug Yocum loves choral singing so much, he’s in several local groups.

He sings in the National Cathedral choir, another group called District 8 and a Spanish group called Coral Cantigas. His group Chantry, which specializes in Baroque and Renaissance “early” music, has two concerts this weekend.

Though he loves singing different types of music with the various choirs, he says the balance of parts in early music makes singing with Chantry especially enjoyable.

“It really provides an opportunity to interact with the other singers,” he says. “You’re not just up there watching a conductor wave his hands. We do have a conductor, but there’s something about the way we sing that’s really special. You can truly interact with each other and the music is really a dialogue.”

Chantry has two concerts in the region this weekend. Tonight (Friday), its members will be St. Bernadette’s (70 University Blvd. East in Silver Spring) at 7:30 p.m. and on Saturday at 8, the group will perform at St. Mary Mother of God (72 Fifth St., N.W.) in Chinatown. The group will perform “Spain in the Sistine at Christmas” a Mass by Cristobal de Morales. Tickets are $35 and $15 for students under 24. Visit chantrydc.com for details.

Yocum has been in the group for about a year. The 27-year-old Philadelphia native came to D.C. to go to school at the University of Maryland. By day, he works as a sales and supply support specialist for IKEA at its College Park, Md., location.

Yocum is single and lives in Columbia Heights. He enjoys music, kickball and exploring new bars and restaurants in his free time.

 

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?

I came out my first year in college. The toughest person to tell was my best friend from high school. I kept so much of my personality guarded, so when I wanted to share that part of my life, even with someone close to me, it was like reintroducing myself.

 

Who’s your LGBT hero?

Teresa Butz. As she and her partner were repeatedly raped and stabbed, Teresa sacrificed her life fighting off the attacker to give her partner a chance to escape. While opponents of equal rights continue to question the legitimacy of LGBT relationships, Teresa is an undeniable example of the love that can exist between two people, whatever their sexual orientation.

 

What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present? 

MOVA. The bar is beautiful and the bartenders are friendly. The location is also convenient, and the rooftop is amazing in the summer.

 

Describe your dream wedding.

I’ve always dreamed of a big, traditional wedding mixed with some fun, quirky elements.  It will be one of the most important days of my life, so I want to be able to share it with my family and friends.

 

What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?

Animal rights is an issue close to my heart. We all have a responsibility to advocate for animals. They can’t speak for themselves, so when we see injustices against them, it’s up to us to raise our voices.

 

What historical outcome would you change?

The 2000 presidential election. In addition to undermining the electoral system, it put us on a path that turned away from progress and reconciliation.

 

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

Probably the Janet Jackson nip slip. I was at a Super Bowl party with my church youth group when it happened, which, of course, resulted in immediate chaos, making it even more laughable for me. “Wardrobe malfunction” jokes were totally in vogue for months after.

 

On what do you insist?

Punctuality. It’s such an easy way to show respect to others.

 

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?

An Instagram of the National Cathedral in the snow.

 

If your life were a book, what would the title be?

“Wall Cats, Temper Tantrums and Other Short Stories”

 

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?

The world is only as interesting as the people living in it. I definitely wouldn’t want to live in a less diverse world, so I would encourage everyone to embrace what makes them unique, and to share that with those around them.

 

What do you believe in beyond the physical world? 

I believe we’re all connected on some level. Every action, whether positive or negative, has consequences, so it’s important that we think about how our actions might affect someone else.

 

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?

I think it’s important to highlight the unique accomplishments and social contributions of LGBT people. It’s also vital that members of the LGBT community live lives that exemplify the values we wish to see in the world.

 

What would you walk across hot coals for?

Really good sushi. I was only recently turned on to sushi and now I can’t get enough of it.

 

What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?

When straight friends think that their gay friends should date, just because they’re gay. “Oh you’re gay? I have a gay friend, I’ll have to set you up!”

What’s your favorite LGBT movie?

“To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.” My grandmother let me watch it on Pay-per-View when my parents weren’t home. I don’t think she cared for it, but I thought it was great. It still makes me laugh and the ending gets me every time.

 

What’s the most overrated social custom?

Asking “How are you?” We say it out of ritual, just to be polite, but we rarely stop to listen to the answer.

 

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

The TED Prize (Technology, Entertainment, Design). It’s a grant awarded to an extraordinary thinker to help them inspire others to change the world. It would be an incredible opportunity to leave a lasting mark on the world.

 

What do you wish you’d known at 18?

I know it’s a cheesy cliché, but I wish I had truly understood that “fitting in” is really about being comfortable in your own skin.

 

Why Washington?

If you’ve never gone to the National Mall for the Fourth of July, do it. Every summer, relaxing between the Capitol Building and the Washington Monument with thousands of other Washingtonians to enjoy the fireworks, I’m reminded how awesome this city is.

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Real Estate

Navigating D.C.’s down payment assistance programs

On the way home, after a detour and a few speed bumps

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D.C. offers some of the most extensive programs for down payment assistance in the country. (Illustration by demianvs/Bigstock)

D.C. offers some of the most extensive programs for down payment assistance that are managed by the Greater Washington Urban League and the DC Housing Finance Authority, for programs like HPAP and EAHP (Home Purchase Assistance Program and Employer Assisted Housing Program). 

The District also offers the DC Opens Doors Program. All of these are great examples of offerings to help first-time or newer home purchasers to afford buying in the District of Columbia, one of the nation’s most expensive housing markets. 

There are various requirements for a buyer to use the program. These can be found at dhcd.dc.gov/service/homeownership. Many qualified local lenders are knowledgeable about these programs and can assist in dozens of these transactions each year. Often, asking a lender about these programs is a great place to start. Tina Del Casale with Sandy Spring Bank has been helping her clients with these programs for years. As part of her education outreach for clients, Tina informs her buyers of the following:

  • In the HPAP and the EAHP program, the seller must provide the opportunity for the buyer to perform a home inspection with a qualified home inspector.  
  • The items that are flagged as “must repairs” need to be fixed by the seller.  
  • The buyer must get their financial documentation to the lenders involved, as well as to the District of Columbia to be approved to use the program.  
  • Whichever organization or department is managing the down payment assistance fund disbursal will also be involved in the process. 
  • Ideally, it takes about 45-60 days from the date of ratification (going under contract) to close (the settlement date) 
  • The lenders help to qualify/approve the condo buildings for financial health, ensuring that the finances within the building are being maintained by the homeowner association.

What happens, often, is that the process goes smoothly until the organization that manages the down payment assistance funds receives the file. The closing date can be extended time and time again, causing both the buyer and the seller to recalculate moving dates, moving trucks, packing, when to move funds around, whose home they will be sleeping at after the 3rd or 4th delay, and wondering if the seller is going to become so agitated with the entire process that they begin to Google search the term “small claims court.” In a recent instance, the buyer was delayed about four times over the holidays and when the file was ready to close, they were informed that the settlement had to be the following day. So, it was a situation of delay, delay, delay, delay, delay, delay, delay, and do this NOW, which means a buyer must coordinate (for the maybe 3rd time) a day off of work and recalculate their entire schedule at the last second to accommodate an organization that seems to have made few efforts to stay in communication along the way.

These delays make the buyer less competitive to win an offer and can make a planned purchase fail due to the failure of the buyer to perform. Nobody wants to be told their house will sell and then must make alternative plans when they realize the contract is not going through, OR there will be a significant delay by up to one to three months. 

How can we make this process more user friendly? If we could, developers might be more motivated to make affordable housing units available for more people, knowing that the process of selling a unit won’t cause interminable delays and headaches for all parties involved.  Buyers must be fully vetted financially before submitting an offer. Is there a way to fully vet the down payment assistance funds, that they arrive in escrow at the title company a week or two before settlement so that all parties can plan their lives accordingly? 

Self-awareness as an organization is crucial for knowing where blind spots exist, how they can be looked at, and how a decent process can be improved to fulfill its own goal of helping buyers get into homeownership. Perhaps an exit interview or feedback form could be sent to each buyer after purchase and looked at for suggestions for improvement.


Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with Metro Referrals. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].

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Real Estate

Tips for those considering buying a home in the Caribbean

Weather, safety, infrastructure among concerns

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Many Americans are considering leaving the country for the next four years. The Caribbean is an appealing option. (Photo by Nik Sorokin/Bigstock)

I recently returned from cruising through the Caribbean, just in time to experience the last vestiges of a snowstorm and 15-degree weather, coupled with a plethora of angry people wearing red hats, absent-mindedly riding around in circles on the Metro. No matter – I still have that post-vacation glow.

The Caribbean, a diverse region of 13 independent countries, 12 dependencies, and seven overseas territories, has long been a dream destination for travelers, retirees, and investors alike. With its crystal-clear waters, pristine beaches, and relaxed lifestyle, it’s no wonder that many people are drawn to the idea of owning property in this tropical paradise.

Buying real estate in the Caribbean requires careful planning, research, and an understanding of the unique challenges and opportunities that come with investing in a foreign market. Selecting the right island and community is a critical step in the buying process.

Consider such factors as:

  • Accessibility: Proximity to major airports and ease of travel
  • Infrastructure: Availability of roads, utilities, and amenities such as internet and streaming services
  • Safety and security: Crime rates and political stability
  • Climate and weather risks: Susceptibility to hurricanes and natural disasters
  • Healthcare: Quality and availability of medical services

Property prices and inventory vary widely across the region. Each Caribbean nation has its own rules regarding foreign ownership of property. Some countries have relatively open markets where foreigners can buy land freely. Others, such as the Bahamas, require special permits for non-residents purchasing property above a certain value.

It is essential to work with a reputable local attorney to navigate the legal requirements, including landownership laws and restrictions, residency and citizenship options, property taxes and fees, and title searches and due diligence.

Some islands, like Barbados and the Cayman Islands, offer residency permits for property owners who meet specific financial criteria. These programs can provide tax benefits, visa-free travel, long-term residency rights, and in some cases, top-tier medical facilities, including private hospitals and specialized care centers. 

Moreover, Antigua & BarbudaDominicaGrenadaSt. Kitts, and St. Lucia offer a Citizenship by Investment (CBI) program for property buyers: In some cases, citizenship will grant you visa-free access to more than 150 countries. While the costs fluctuate depending on the country, the process can be completed in as little as 7-12 months. 

As you can imagine, there has been a surge of inquiries from the U.S. since last fall, so it would be wise to confirm the most recent amount and type of minimum investment required. You can find helpful information from the company La Vida at  goldenvisas.com.

Many buyers in the Caribbean look to generate income through vacation rentals or long-term leasing. Islands with strong tourism demand, such as Aruba, the Bahamas, and St. Lucia, offer excellent rental potential. 

Working with a reputable property management company can help maximize rental income and ensure smooth operations; however, investors should consider seasonal fluctuations in tourism, property management costs, and local regulations on short-term rentals in determining their return on investment before committing to a purchase. 

As in the U.S., buying property in the Caribbean comes with additional costs beyond the purchase price. These may include legal fees (typically 1-3% of the purchase price), stamp duties and transfer taxes that vary by country, real estate agent compensation, property insurance, and maintenance costs.

Financing can be a challenge for foreign buyers, as many Caribbean banks require substantial down payments or have stringent lending criteria. Some investors choose to secure financing from their home country or pay in cash.

Nonetheless, expatriates living in the Caribbean often benefit from a lower cost of living, warm climate, and relaxed lifestyle. Many islands have well-established expat communities, making it easier to adjust to life abroad. As you begin your journey, it is recommended that you secure health insurance that covers medical treatment in both the Caribbean and your home country.

To successfully purchase property in the Caribbean, research and choose your preferred island based on your budget, lifestyle, and investment goals. Work with a local real estate agent who understands the market and legal requirements and, if applicable, speaks the appropriate language. Hire an attorney to conduct a title search, review contracts, and ensure compliance with local laws. Negotiate the purchase price and sign a sales agreement. Secure financing (if needed) and transfer funds. 

Once you have completed additional legal requirements such as obtaining permits, paying taxes, and registering the property, you might consider rental or management options if you are not living there full-time.

But if the Caribbean is to be your home away from home for at least a few years, turn off the news, stick an umbrella in your favorite frothy adult beverage, and lean into island living. 


Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her via DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs

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Advice

My partner won’t come out to her parents

How to cope when you love someone who’s closeted

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Don’t judge too harshly when a partner refuses to come out to parents. (Photo by Wavebreak Media/Bigstock)

Dear Michael:

I’m having a terrible communication problem with my girlfriend. She just isn’t hearing me on some issues that mean a lot.

Nicki doesn’t get why it’s important for me that we be out to her parents as a couple. I’ve explained my position over and over. I’m not willing to hide or pretend, and doing so makes things way more complicated down the road, if we stay together. Eventually we’d have to explain our lies. It’s crazy to imagine hiding our marriage, or hiding children. More than crazy!

How can you be believable about anything if you aren’t honest about who you are and the nature of your relationship?

Nicki’s whole response boils down to her being afraid that her parents will reject her (they’re deeply religious, conservative). Me trying to explain to her that you can’t let fear run your life just doesn’t penetrate her brain.

As a result I haven’t met her parents yet, and our relationship is a lot more tentative than I would like it to be at this point.

Besides this “biggie,” there is one other issue that she just doesn’t get, no matter how much I explain my position: She makes fun of me a lot — especially when we’re out with friends. About all sorts of things. How I dress (too stereotypically lesbian in her view); my interests (same criticism); my supposed inability to cook; my bad driving; my loving my dog too much. And more.

Nicki either says she’s not making fun of me, or says that she’s just kidding around and I am too serious. The more I ask her to stop, the more she tells me to “lighten up.” She just isn’t hearing me.

Aside from communication issues around these big topics, we have an otherwise great relationship that I would like to last. However, this stuff isn’t acceptable.

What more can I do to communicate more clearly in a way that she will hear me?

Michael replies:

It sounds like you’re both making your points loud and clear. You criticize Nicki, and Nicki criticizes you.

Communication means that you say what you want to say to your partner, and you listen when she wants to share something.  It does not mean that you get your partner to agree with you or behave as you want her to.

Even if you think that Nicki’s not being out to her parents is crazy, she doesn’t have to come out to them.  

Is Nicki open to the idea of eventually coming out to her parents? Mustering the courage to do so can be a slow process. If Nicki would like to work on this, and you are willing to wait, then stay in the relationship and work on being patient and accepting. But if this is a deal breaker issue now, Nicki is not for you.

While you can continue to try to change Nicki, this tactic doesn’t seem to be getting you anywhere, except annoyed. You have a lot of power over your own behavior, but little power over how your partner behaves. In other words, you get to be with the person you are with; not a hypothetical “improved” version that better suits you.

With regard to the teasing issue: I believe that if someone you care about tells you that you are hurting them, it’s a good idea to listen. I don’t get why Nicki wants to keep behaving toward you in ways that you find painful. Could it be that all of this is linked?

Perhaps Nicki is hurt or annoyed or angry that you won’t accept her not being out to her parents; and is getting back at you for your ongoing pestering by torturing you with criticisms and insults. Or, perhaps your hurt, annoyance, and anger over Nicki’s ongoing teasing is leading you to retaliate by continually criticizing her closeted status.

Think of your relationship as a system: When one part of a system changes, it impacts the entire system. If either one of you changes your behavior for the better, you will likely have a positive impact on your relationship. Do you want to make the first move, and see what happens?

You might also begin an ongoing discussion with Nicki about the benefits of being respectful toward each other, listening to each other, striving to understand each other’s points of view, and tolerating that you sometimes see both minor and important issues differently.

But only start that discussion if it makes sense to you that having a decent relationship depends on your continually striving to do these things.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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