Living
Queery: Doug Yocum
The Chantry singer answers 20 gay questions
Doug Yocum (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
Doug Yocum loves choral singing so much, he’s in several local groups.
He sings in the National Cathedral choir, another group called District 8 and a Spanish group called Coral Cantigas. His group Chantry, which specializes in Baroque and Renaissance “early” music, has two concerts this weekend.
Though he loves singing different types of music with the various choirs, he says the balance of parts in early music makes singing with Chantry especially enjoyable.
“It really provides an opportunity to interact with the other singers,” he says. “You’re not just up there watching a conductor wave his hands. We do have a conductor, but there’s something about the way we sing that’s really special. You can truly interact with each other and the music is really a dialogue.”
Chantry has two concerts in the region this weekend. Tonight (Friday), its members will be St. Bernadette’s (70 University Blvd. East in Silver Spring) at 7:30 p.m. and on Saturday at 8, the group will perform at St. Mary Mother of God (72 Fifth St., N.W.) in Chinatown. The group will perform “Spain in the Sistine at Christmas” a Mass by Cristobal de Morales. Tickets are $35 and $15 for students under 24. Visit chantrydc.com for details.
Yocum has been in the group for about a year. The 27-year-old Philadelphia native came to D.C. to go to school at the University of Maryland. By day, he works as a sales and supply support specialist for IKEA at its College Park, Md., location.
Yocum is single and lives in Columbia Heights. He enjoys music, kickball and exploring new bars and restaurants in his free time.
How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?
I came out my first year in college. The toughest person to tell was my best friend from high school. I kept so much of my personality guarded, so when I wanted to share that part of my life, even with someone close to me, it was like reintroducing myself.
Who’s your LGBT hero?
Teresa Butz. As she and her partner were repeatedly raped and stabbed, Teresa sacrificed her life fighting off the attacker to give her partner a chance to escape. While opponents of equal rights continue to question the legitimacy of LGBT relationships, Teresa is an undeniable example of the love that can exist between two people, whatever their sexual orientation.
What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?
MOVA. The bar is beautiful and the bartenders are friendly. The location is also convenient, and the rooftop is amazing in the summer.
Describe your dream wedding.
I’ve always dreamed of a big, traditional wedding mixed with some fun, quirky elements. It will be one of the most important days of my life, so I want to be able to share it with my family and friends.
What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?
Animal rights is an issue close to my heart. We all have a responsibility to advocate for animals. They can’t speak for themselves, so when we see injustices against them, it’s up to us to raise our voices.
What historical outcome would you change?
The 2000 presidential election. In addition to undermining the electoral system, it put us on a path that turned away from progress and reconciliation.
What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?
Probably the Janet Jackson nip slip. I was at a Super Bowl party with my church youth group when it happened, which, of course, resulted in immediate chaos, making it even more laughable for me. “Wardrobe malfunction” jokes were totally in vogue for months after.
On what do you insist?
Punctuality. It’s such an easy way to show respect to others.
What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?
An Instagram of the National Cathedral in the snow.
If your life were a book, what would the title be?
“Wall Cats, Temper Tantrums and Other Short Stories”
If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?
The world is only as interesting as the people living in it. I definitely wouldn’t want to live in a less diverse world, so I would encourage everyone to embrace what makes them unique, and to share that with those around them.
What do you believe in beyond the physical world?
I believe we’re all connected on some level. Every action, whether positive or negative, has consequences, so it’s important that we think about how our actions might affect someone else.
What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?
I think it’s important to highlight the unique accomplishments and social contributions of LGBT people. It’s also vital that members of the LGBT community live lives that exemplify the values we wish to see in the world.
What would you walk across hot coals for?
Really good sushi. I was only recently turned on to sushi and now I can’t get enough of it.
What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?
When straight friends think that their gay friends should date, just because they’re gay. “Oh you’re gay? I have a gay friend, I’ll have to set you up!”
What’s your favorite LGBT movie?
“To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.” My grandmother let me watch it on Pay-per-View when my parents weren’t home. I don’t think she cared for it, but I thought it was great. It still makes me laugh and the ending gets me every time.
What’s the most overrated social custom?
Asking “How are you?” We say it out of ritual, just to be polite, but we rarely stop to listen to the answer.
What trophy or prize do you most covet?
The TED Prize (Technology, Entertainment, Design). It’s a grant awarded to an extraordinary thinker to help them inspire others to change the world. It would be an incredible opportunity to leave a lasting mark on the world.
What do you wish you’d known at 18?
I know it’s a cheesy cliché, but I wish I had truly understood that “fitting in” is really about being comfortable in your own skin.
Why Washington?
If you’ve never gone to the National Mall for the Fourth of July, do it. Every summer, relaxing between the Capitol Building and the Washington Monument with thousands of other Washingtonians to enjoy the fireworks, I’m reminded how awesome this city is.
Real Estate
The rise of virtual home tours
Adapting to changing consumer preferences in spring real estate
In today’s dynamic real estate market, the spring season brings not only blooming flowers but also a surge of activity as buyers and sellers alike prepare to make their moves. However, in recent years, there’s been a notable shift in how consumers prefer to explore potential homes: the rise of virtual tours.
For the LGBTQ community, these virtual experiences offer more than just convenience; they provide accessibility, safety, and inclusivity in the home buying process.
Gone are the days of spending weekends driving from one open house to another – unless that’s your thing of course, only to find that the property doesn’t quite match expectations. With virtual tours, you can explore every corner of a home from the comfort of your own space – find something interesting? Schedule a showing with any LGBTQ Realtor at GayRealEstate.com.
This is particularly significant for LGBTQ individuals, who may face unique challenges or concerns when attending in-person showings. Whether it’s the ability to discreetly view properties without fear of discrimination or the convenience of touring homes located in LGBTQ-friendly neighborhoods across the country, virtual tours offer a sense of empowerment and control in the home buying process.
Moreover, virtual tours cater to the diverse needs of the LGBTQ community. For couples or families with busy schedules or those living in different cities or states, these digital walkthroughs provide a convenient way to view properties together without the need for extensive travel. Additionally, for individuals who may be exploring their gender identity or transitioning, virtual tours offer a low-pressure environment to explore potential living spaces without the added stress of in-person interactions.
At GayRealEstate.com, we understand the importance of adapting to changing consumer preferences and leveraging technology to better serve our community. That’s why our agents offer an extensive selection of virtual tours for LGBTQ individuals and allies alike – visit our website, choose an agent and within minutes you’ll have access to the Multiple Listing Service (MLS) via their website.
From cozy condominiums in bustling urban centers to sprawling estates in picturesque suburbs, virtual tours showcase a wide range of properties tailored to diverse tastes and lifestyles.
In addition to virtual tours, GayRealEstate.com provides comprehensive resources and support to guide LGBTQ buyers and sellers through every step of the real estate journey. Our network of LGBTQ-friendly agents is committed to providing personalized service, advocacy, and representation to ensure that all individuals feel respected, valued, and empowered throughout the process. Plus, we are happy to provide a free relocation kit to any city in the USA or Canada if you are a home buyer.
As we embrace the spring season and all the opportunities it brings in the real estate market, let’s also celebrate the power of virtual tours to revolutionize the way we find and experience our future homes. Whether you’re searching for your first apartment, forever home, or investment property, GayRealEstate.com is here to help you navigate the exciting world of real estate with confidence, pride, and inclusivity.
Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at [email protected].
Advice
Should I divorce my husband for the hot new guy in our building?
Debating whether to leave or stay after the sex goes cold
Dear Michael,
I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and the sex is pretty much gone. It stopped being exciting a long time ago and pretty much the only time we ever do it is with the occasional third.
A really hot guy moved into our building about a year ago. We would see each other sometimes in the elevator or at our building’s gym and we started talking and really hit it off. Mark is 15 years younger than I but we seem to have a lot in common. We started hooking up and the sex is amazing.
I haven’t told my husband because it’s breaking our rule about no repeats. I have to say that the secrecy is hot. It’s kind of a thrill to take the elevator upstairs when I say I’m going on an errand. But it’s more than that. I have a connection with Mark that is far more amazing than what I have ever felt with my husband. Not just the sex. We just enjoy being together, talking about anything and everything.
My husband went to visit his family last weekend and I spent the whole time with Mark. Since then I can’t stop thinking that I want to leave my husband and be with Mark.
Part of me thinks this is a crazy mid-life crisis. I mean, this kid’s in a totally different place in life. But we have mind-blowing sex and a fantastic connection. I’d like your thoughts on how to proceed.
Michael replies:
You’ve got a lot to consider.
First: Sex with a long-term partner changes over time. It tends to be less about erotic heat and more about the connection with a person whom you love. In other words, it’s being with the person you’re with that makes the sex meaningful and even great. Having a good sexual relationship with a long-term partner comes far more from a heart connection than from a crotch attachment.
Second: You seem ready to throw your relationship under the bus pretty quickly, without addressing other problems in the relationship besides sex. When you are sneaking around, lying, and rule-breaking , I don’t see how you can look your husband in the eye; and if you can’t look him in the eye, you certainly can’t have even a half-way decent relationship.
Yet another point to consider: Affairs pretty much always seem more exciting than marriage. The partner is new, which almost automatically makes the sex hotter; the secrecy is a thrill; and you don’t have to deal with paying the rent, house chores, and all the petty annoyances of living up-close with someone day-in, day-out.
You are bringing lots of energy to your affair, and everything about it is exciting. You are bringing no energy — at least no positive energy — to your marriage. You get what you put into a relationship.
Divorce is not something that should be entered into lightly. Be aware that if you leave your husband for Mark, you will no doubt find over time that the sex becomes less exciting and that the connection is not always fantastic. No surprise, 75 percent of marriages that begin with affair partners end in divorce. While I don’t think statistics predict what will happen to any particular couple, believing that you will have a significantly better relationship with your affair partner than you did with your husband sets you up for likely disappointment.
Many gay men focus on “hot sex” as the big draw, pursuing a lot of sex with a lot of men, and/or pursuing an ongoing series of relationships that last until the sex cools. If that’s what you want, that’s fine. But it’s a different path from pursuing a close and loving long-term relationship, which involves knowing someone well and having him know you well; collaborating on getting through the hard stuff life throws at us; finding ways to make peace with disappointment; and consistently striving to be someone worth being married to.
How to proceed? While you are the only person who should make that decision, I would suggest that whatever your choice, keep in mind that marriage can be more than what you’ve made of it, so far.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
Autos
Sport haulers: Jeep Grand Cherokee, Mercedes GLE-Class
Updated cabins, adept handling, and more
Now that March Madness and the Masters are over, it’s time for, well, everything else. For my husband and me, this means water sports, as in kayaks and rowing sculls, which is why we trekked to the Potomac for the George Washington Invitational regatta last weekend.
Alas, high winds splashed cold water on the event, canceling much of it. But there was still plenty of spirited camaraderie to rival “The Boys in the Boat.”
And I was reminded of my time years ago as a rower with D.C. Strokes, ferrying teammates to races up and down the East Coast. Back then my ride was a dated, rather cramped four-door sedan.
If only we could have paddled around in a sporty SUV like the two reviewed here. Now that would have been some smooth sailing (wink-wink).
JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE
$40,000
MPG: 19 city/26 highway
0 to 60 mph: 7.5 seconds
Maximum cargo room: 37.7 cu. ft.
PROS: Updated cabin, adept handling, strong towing
CONS: So-so gas mileage, no third row, pricey trim levels
IN A NUTSHELL: Rough, tough and buff. It’s doesn’t get much more butch than a Jeep. This year’s Grand Cherokee is no exception, with rugged looks, expert off-road capability and better-than-average towing capacity of 6,200 pounds.
There are a dizzying number of trim levels—more than a dozen—starting with the barebones base-model Laredo at an affordable $40,000. The lineup tops out with the Summit Reserve 4xe PHEV, which is almost twice the price at $76,000 and one of various plug-in hybrid versions available. Those plug-in hybrids can drive up to 25 miles on all-electric power before the four-cylinder gas engine kicks in. Otherwise, you can choose from a standard V6 or V8. Gas mileage on all trim levels is basically the same as the competition.
Where the Grand Cherokee really shines is in the handling. More refined than a Wrangler but less lavish than a Land Rover, this Jeep maneuvers just as well on city streets and highways as it does on bumpier terrain.
I tested the mid-range and mid-priced Overland, which comes standard with four-wheel drive and large 20-inch wheels. It also boasts a slew of niceties, such as quilted upholstery, panoramic sunroof and high-tech digital displays. These include a 10.25-inch infotainment touchscreen and rear-seat entertainment system.
The nine-speaker Alpine stereo, designed specifically for the Grand Cherokee, is pleasing. But I really wanted to hear the boffo 19-speaker McIntosh surround-sound system that Jeep also offers. Sigh, it’s only available on the premium Summit trim level.
MERCEDES GLE-CLASS
$64,000
MPG: 20 city/25 highway
0 to 60 mph: 6.6 seconds
Maximum cargo room: 33.3 cu. ft.
PROS: Lush interior, silky-smooth suspension, speedy
CONS: Some confusing electronics, tight third row, many competitors
IN A NUTSHELL: For a more high-class hauler, there’s the Mercedes GLE-Class. This midsize SUV is similar in size to the Jeep Grand Cherokee. But instead of seating five passengers, the GLE can carry up to seven. Sure, legroom in the optional third row may be tight for taller travelers, but it’s perfect for a cocky cockswain or two.
Six trim levels, ranging from the base-model GLE 350 to two high-performance AMG models. For eco-conscious buyers, the GLE 450e plug-in hybrid arrived earlier this year and can run on battery power alone for almost 60 miles.
My test car was the top-of-the-line AMG 63 S 4Matic, a head-turner in every way. Priced at a whopping $127,000, this GLE looks best in glossy black with the Night Package, which includes tasteful jet-black exterior accents and matte-black wheels. To complete the Darth Vader effect, there’s a deep, menacing exhaust rumble that’s downright threatening.
You expect such a ride to be wicked fast, and it is: 0 to 60 mph in a blistering 3.7 seconds. Yet the carbon ceramic brakes with their devil-red calipers are equally impressive in slowing things down quickly.
Inside, each GLE comes with two large digital displays on the elegantly sculpted dashboard. My favorite feature is the “Hey Mercedes” digital assistant, which responds to voice commands such as opening or closing the sunroof, operating the infotainment system or activating the climate controls.
It’s hard to find sport seats that are more comfortable, especially with the heavenly massage function (though those massage controls could be a bit more user-friendly.) For AMG models, the seats come with red-contrasting stitching and red seatbelts—a nod to the devilish demeanor under the hood.
Considering all the SUVs available in showrooms, few make quite the splash of a GLE.
United Methodist Church removes 40-year ban on gay clergy
Republican state AGs challenge Biden administration’s revised Title IX policies
University students have a right to protest
Former CAMP Rehoboth official sentenced to nine months in prison
Christian Siriano to serve as grand marshal of Annapolis Pride Parade
Md. governor signs Freedom to Read Act
HHS reverses Trump-era anti-LGBTQ rule
4th Circuit rules gender identity is a protected characteristic
PHOTOS: Capital Pride Pageant
