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Local gay coaches find support from students, parents

‘Building trust holds the relationship together’

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Brendan Roddy, coaches, gay news, Washington Blade
Brendan Roddy, gay coaches, gay news, Washington Blade

Brendan Roddy began coaching swimming at age 14 and currently coaches at an area high school. (Washington Blade photo by Kevin Majoros)

With the LGBT sports movement receiving more national media attention over the past several years, there have been multiple headlines about coaches coming out as gay to their teams. Some of the names that have made the news are high school basketball coach Anthony Nicodemo in Philadelphia and high school track coach Micah Porter of Denver.

In the D.C. metro area, there are a number of LGBT coaches who have been instructing straight athletes for years, even decades. When asked what the obstacles have been for them, the answers offer some surprises.

The relationship between a coach and an athlete is a special one and often the coach becomes a surrogate parent to the athlete and a good friend to the athlete’s family. The announcements of the above mentioned coaches certainly prompted many to wonder if the relationship between a coach and an athlete is different if a gay coach is instructing a group of straight athletes.

Brendan Roddy began swimming competitively at age 11 and continued to do so through college at Salisbury State University. As a 14-year-old he became a junior swim coach for Rockville Montgomery Swim Club and then coached at Salisbury State University during grad school.

After returning to the area as a teacher at Churchill High School, Roddy realized he missed coaching and became the swimming and diving coach at the high school.

“Parents that are ‘with it’ caught on quickly that I was gay,” says Roddy. “The others figured it out eventually. The kids would generally test the waters with pronouns when asking about my personal life. If they asked directly, I would tell them.”

Roddy says that his sexual orientation rarely comes up in conversations with his athletes or their parents and it has never stood in the way of his coaching.

“Building a level of trust and respect is what holds the athlete/coach relationship together,” says Roddy. “It is amazing how much kids have evolved over the past decade. The smiles on their faces are what keeps me in it.”

Jeff Nolt began his figure skating career in New York and as it progressed, trained in Pennsylvania and Delaware. In the early 1980s, he qualified for nationals as a pairs team with his sister Susan. Following their retirement from competitive skating, they performed in the Ice Capades for two years.

Nolt started coaching in Syracuse and eventually his work brought him to the Baltimore/Washington area. His students range in age from six to 60.

“The parents of my students trust who I am and there is no fear of me being gay,” Nolt says.  “The bottom line is that I get paid to teach people how to skate choreographically and technically correct. Kids can smell you a mile away; if you are unprepared and have doubts about yourself, the respect and trust will never come.”

He adds, “I like being a mentor. It is exciting to know that I can have an impact on someone’s life and it is important for me to give back what I have learned.”

Sami Holtz grew up in Montgomery County and began competing in soccer and swimming at age eight. She eventually changed over to softball and took on rugby during her college years at Johnson and Wales and Springfield College. She also played full-contact football in the Independent Women’s Football League.

She began coaching swimming in New England, which led to a coaching position in the Montgomery County Swim League in 2007. She is now coaching swimming at Forest Knolls and the Silver Spring YMCA.

“In the community I work in, nobody cares that I am gay,” says Holtz. “The only discrimination I have encountered was related to my religious beliefs.”

Holtz says that one of her swimmers has two moms and another teenage swimmer recently came out as gay.

“His mother thought it would be nice if we connected at Capital Pride this past June,” Holtz says laughing.

Akil Patterson was a three-sport, all-state athlete during his years at Frederick High School and went on to play football at the University of Maryland. He left the Terps and played two years at California University of Pennsylvania.

He later played for the United Indoor Football League. After an Arena Football tryout his weight ballooned to 380 pounds and he ended up back on the University of Maryland campus where a wrestling coach asked him to work with their heavyweights.

He went on to become a coach with the Terps wrestling program and the Terrapin Wresting Club (TWC).  The TWC provides training and competitive opportunities for the wrestling community and for post-collegiate wrestlers who have international aspirations. They are an official Regional Olympic Training Center of USA Wrestling.

Patterson coaches athletes who range in age from 13 to 22 and says that his sexual orientation is also a non-issue.

“I know that some people trash talk me behind my back for being gay, but I am not ashamed and I am not shy,” says Patterson. “Anyone that knows me knows that I am all about the athletes.  I love my kids.”

Patterson has developed trusting and respectful relationships with his athletes and their families over the years. He has been asked by parents to step in when their children are not doing well in school.

“I have an athlete whose father is with the U.S. Marshals and he volunteered to speak at diversity training for the Marshals,” says Patterson. “When he stepped up to the microphone he simply stated; my son loves his coach and my son looks up to his coach.”

Patterson adds, “I believe that one’s sexuality transcends sports.”

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Dining

Spark Social House to start serving alcohol

D.C.’s only ‘LGBTQ alcohol-free bar’ changes course

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A non-alcoholic drink on the bar of Spark Social. (Blade file photo by Joe Reberkenny)

Washington, D.C.’s only LGBTQ alcohol-free bar will lose that distinction in December: Spark Social House, located at the corner of 14th and U streets, N.W., will no longer serve only booze-free drinks.

Spark Social, as it is commonly known, received significant media attention and accolades when it debuted in March. Opening in the beating heart of the LGBTQ community’s social scene, its doors stand next to other popular nightlife establishments, including Crush, Bunker, District Eagle, and Revolt (which opened after Spark Social). All of those other bars serve alcohol.

Spark maintained a separate identity, creating a “third space” for sober guests or those who did not wish to spend their evening in an alcohol-forward space. Owner Nick Tsusaki, a former bartender, opened Spark Social to fill a gap he saw in queer nightlife establishments that centered drinking. Instead, Spark was intended to be a convening bar. By day, it has served coffee and tea as a café for remote workers, meetings, and catch-ups. In the evening, the bar hosts a wide array of events, with DJs, dancing, drag queens, speakers, open mic nights, and stand-up comedy, movie showings, among other events.

At the bar, it served cans, bottles, and craft cocktails, as well as “wellness drinks” or functional beverages like mushroom elixirs, Kava, and kombucha. All of these are currently non-alcoholic. Currently, in November, the bar is serving seasonal morning drinks like toasted almond and French Toast lattes, plus non-alcoholic cocktails like a “Hottie Hottie” with non-alcoholic spiced rum, lemon, and maple butter; plus a maple espresso “martini” without liquor, which includes mushroom tinctures.

Spark Social, even in its short time in existence, won “Best DC Coffee Shop” in the 2025 Washington Blade annual poll.

Nevertheless, in early November, the Spark owners and leadership team hosted a town hall to share updates and hear directly from the community about the next chapter for Spark.

According to the bar’s Instagram posts, the town hall reviewed the intent and purpose behind the bar: to create a queer third space where people can connect, create, and feel at home.”

“After eight months as a fully non-alcoholic bar, we’ve learned that sobriety exists on a spectrum and inclusion means offering choice.”

To that end, in December, Spark’s offerings will evolve. Instead of serving only drinks without alcohol, there will be a new “1 for 1” menu in which every cocktail comes in two versions: booze and boozeless. While alcohol will be served, the bar owners insist that they remain committed to maintaining its welcoming and relaxed vibe.

In a separate post, Spark wrote that “Although this was not our intent when we started the business, after 6 months of operations we’ve made the difficult decision to change our business model so that we can keep providing this space to the community.”

They acknowledged that this pivot might have “come as a surprise,” and offered to received feedback to ensure that the bar’s initial objective of being a unique space could continue.

Alcohol will only be served at the bar in the evenings during the week, and all day during the weekend.

Tsusaki spoke to the Blade about the changes and offered these statements:

“When we opened, the goal was to create a queer third space where people could spark a connection, spark creativity, spark an idea — especially for folks looking for an alternative to the typical drinking environment,” Tsusaki said. “From day one, Spark has been about the vibe — a place where you can just exist, feel at home, and be surrounded by community without pressure or pretense. After eight months as a fully non-alcoholic space, we learned a lot about what people actually want from spaces like this. Most folks exist somewhere on a spectrum of sobriety — some are fully sober, some are sober-curious, some drink occasionally. We realized that if our mission is to bring people together, inclusion has to mean options for everyone.

“We had to face the financial reality of running a small independent space in D.C. The city has been hit hard — especially with reduced spending and recent federal layoffs — and it’s made things tough for hospitality businesses like ours. Adding alcohol helps make Spark sustainable so we can keep doing what we do: building community, creating jobs, and keeping this space alive for the long haul.

“We’re using this moment to make the space even better — enclosing the back patio so it’s usable year-round, upgrading our DJ booth and sound system, and making a few design tweaks that better reflect the energy and creativity Spark has always had.”

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Photos

PHOTOS: Miss Gay Mid-Atlantic America

Victoria Bohmore crowned in regional pageant held at Freddie’s Beach Bar

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Victoria Bohmore is crowned Miss Gay Mid-Atlantic America 2025 at Freddie's Beach Bar in Arlington, Va. on Friday, Nov. 7. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

The 2025 Miss Gay Mid-Atlantic America Pageant was held at Freddie’s Beach Bar in Arlington, Va. on Friday, Nov. 7. Victoria Bohmore was crowned the winner, with Lady Lords named first alternate. Bohmore and Lords both qualify to compete against the winners of the Miss Gay Maryland America Pageant as well as other state and regional title holders from across the nation at the Miss Gay America Pageant in January.

(Washington Blade photos by Michael Key)

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Books

A history of lesbian workarounds to build family

Fighting for the right to have and raise kids

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‘Radical Family: Trailblazing Lesbian Moms Tell Their Stories’
Edited by Margaret Mooney
c.2025, Wisconsin Historical Society Press
$20/150 pages

You don’t have a white picket fence with an adorable gate.

The other parts of the American Dream – the house in the suburbs, a minivan, and a big backyard – may also be beyond your reach. You’ve never wanted the joyous husband-wife union, but the two-point-five kids? Yeah, maybe that’s possible. As in the new book “Radical Family,” edited by Margaret Mooney, it’s surely more so than it was in the past.

Once upon a time, if a lesbian wanted to raise a family, she had two basic options: pregnancy or adoption. That is, says Mooney, if she was willing to buck a hetero-centric society that said the former was “selfish, unnatural and radical” and the latter was often just simply not possible or even legal.

Undaunted, and very much wanting kids, many lesbians ignored the rules. They built “chains” of women who handed off sperm from donor to doctor to potential mother. They demanded that fertility clinics allow single women as customers. They wrote pamphlets and publications aimed to help others become pregnant by themselves or with partners. They carefully sought lesbian-friendly obstetricians and nurses.

Over time, lesbians who wanted kids were “emboldened by the feminist movement and the gay and lesbian rights movement” and did what they had to do, omitted facts when needed, traveled abroad when they could, and found workarounds to build a family.

This book tells nine stories of everyday lesbians who succeeded.

Denise Matyka and Margaret McMurray went to Russia to adopt. Martha Dixon Popp and Alix Olson raised their family, in part and for awhile in conjunction with Popp’s husband. Gail Hirn learned from an agriculture publication how to inseminate herself. MC Reisdorf literally stood on her head to get pregnant. Mooney says that, like most lesbian parents then, she became a mother “without any safety nets…”

Such “struggles likely will feel familiar as you read about [the] desire to become parents…” says Mooney. “In short, these families are ordinary and extraordinary all at once.”

In her introduction, editor Margaret Mooney points out that the stories in this book generally take place in the latter part of the last century, but that their relevance is in the struggles that could happen tomorrow. There’s urgency in those words, absolutely, and they’re tinged with fear, but don’t let them keep you from “Radical Family.”

What you’ll see inside these nine tales is mostly happy, mostly triumphant – and mostly Wisconsin-centric, though the variety in dream-fulfillment is wide enough that the book is appropriate anywhere. The determination leaps out of the pages here, and the storytellers don’t hide their struggles, not with former partners, bureaucracy, or with roadblocks. Reading this book is like attending a conference and hearing attendees tell their tales. Bonus: photos and advice for any lesbian thinking of parenthood, single or partnered.

If you’re in search of positive stories from lesbian mothers and the wall-busting they did, or if you’ve lived the same tales, this slim book is a joy to read. For you, “Radical Family” may open some gates.

The Blade may receive commissions from qualifying purchases made via this post.

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