March 25, 2016 at 4:54 pm EDT | by Valerie Blake
Billy buys a bungalow in Brookland
Bungalow, gay news, Washington Blade

This is the story of Billy Brady and how he bought a bungalow in Brookland.

This is the story of Billy Brady and how he bought a bungalow in Brookland.

Once Upon a Time, Billy, at age 24, was Young & Hungry to become a homeowner, but he didn’t know where to begin.

One day his friend Kevin from Work suggested that he look at ads from real estate agents in the Blade and select a Person of Interest to become his representative. After doing some research, Billy made an appointment with the New Girl at Limitless Energy Realty, Jessica Jones.

On the day of the appointment, Jessica greeted him warmly and said, “I’m so glad you chose me. We’re going to have the Best Time Ever!” Then they sat at the table and discussed what kind of home would bring Billy Satisfaction.

Billy’s requirements were few. Since his current apartment was Crowded, his new home must have a lot of space. He was also a Top Chef, so a large kitchen with an island in The Middle was an important feature. Finally, his home needed to be close enough to his job that The Strain of commuting during Rush Hour would be kept in check.

Next, Jessica counseled Billy to talk with one of her best lenders. “Better Call Saul,” she said. “He’s a Family Guy and will make the lending process less Grimm. Once we know how much you can afford, we’ll become House Hunters.”

With pre-approval letter in hand, Billy was Psyched and scheduled an afternoon of showings with Jessica for the next weekend.

The first house they saw was an Ugly Betty. Jessica also pointed out a large crack in the foundation, noting, “A structural inspection might be Justified. This could be a House of Cards waiting to fall down, so Curb Your Enthusiasm until we know more.”

The second place they visited had an Awkward layout and needed some Home Improvement, but it was livable. Still Jessica cautioned, “If you’re not a Rehab Addict and don’t have Billions of dollars to fix things, you could be up Schitt’s Creek.

The third place, however, was simply Unforgettable. It was located in Brookland, the Community Billy liked the best. It had a covered front porch with a swing, Black-ish shutters and an inviting red door. The master bedroom was painted in muted Shades of Blue and there were Rosewood panels in the dining room.

Eureka!  I’ve found the one,” Billy exclaimed with Glee. So he and Jessica went back to The Office to write an offer.

According to Jessica, there were 8 Simple Rules for having the best offer in a seller’s market.

Rarely do you get a Second Chance, so make your best offer the first time.

Your Entourage will want to give you advice but listen to your agent.

Find out what’s important to the seller and use it as Leverage.

If The Price is Right, then your offer is more likely to be accepted.

Make no Bones about it – your earnest money deposit should be large enough that the seller knows you’re, well, earnest.

Endeavor to limit contingencies to those needed to stay within your budget and protect your interests.

Keep an open mind and understand the Rules of Engagement during negotiations.

Be available to your agent for decisions during the offer presentation time; don’t go Galavanting about.

We all like Happy Endings, so as you probably figured out, Billy’s offer was accepted.  Even though it was Late Night, he just had to call his parents. “Mom,” he said into the phone, “Guess what? I’ve found A Place to Call Home!” Delighted, his mother replied, “Oh, Billy!  I’m in Seventh Heaven and I’m so proud of you.”

Jessica continued to guide Billy Step by Step while his home inspection was completed and his appraisal prepared. And then one day he answered the phone and heard the four little words he had Wanted to hear for so long: Your loan has been approved.

Finally on settlement day he met The Closer. “Hi, My Name is Earl,” said the man at the head of the table, “Feel free to ask me any questions as we close on your new house today.”

Truth Be Told, there were lots of papers to be signed, but Billy emerged Victorious, keys in hand. Although he started out a little Lost, with the help of his agent Billy ultimately became an official Survivor of the home buying process.

I’m betting you can be too.

Valerie M. Blake can be reached at 202-246-8602 or Each Keller Williams Realty office is independently owned and operated. Equal Housing Opportunity.

  • “Black-ish shutters”? Is this for real?

    • So then the name of a popular black tv show was supposed to be a non-sequitur? You’re not helping being that overly-sensitive. We were included, because they understood it mattered.

      • Lol. This transition from a media noun to a brand new architectural descriptive adjective makes for a noteworthy literary pause.

        The fact that your sole defense is to challenge me personally reveals your own insecurity about it.

        • Damn right I challenged your stupid views directly. Can’t handle the truth? As was stated per my initial CALL-OUT: Overly-sensitive much!?

          Maybe you should concern yourself with the actual message, and not your reaction to being called out next time Mr. Psychotic. As a black man myself I think you need a shrink overstating the obvious so self-indignantly.

          You understood my point, and proved it eloquently. Thank you. You DON’T need to contact me again. Good-bye!!

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