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The gender spectrum?

Challenges of parenting trans kids explored in new book

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Raising the Transgender Child, gay news, Washington Blade

(Image courtesy Seal Press)

ā€˜Raising the Transgender Childā€™
 
By Dr. Michele Angello and Alisa Bowman
 
Seal Press
 
$17
 
275 pages

Few parents will ever face the challenging task of raising a transgender child, but for those who will, solid resources will be invaluable.

Imagine, for a moment, being in that situation as a parent. Your preschooler has always had an active imagination. Flights of fancy and dress-up fill his days. Sheā€™s rough-and-tumble, a scrapper in her mind.

Make-believe has always been a big part in your childā€™s life, but now youā€™re hearing something you know in your heart is not pretend, and in the new book ā€œRaising the Transgender Childā€ by Dr. Michele Angello and Alisa Bowman, youā€™ll find guidance.

In retrospect, you mightā€™ve seen it coming: your son told you once that he was really a girl. Or your daughter cried when you wouldnā€™t let her get a buzz-cut. Youā€™ve suddenly realized, or your child has told you, that theyā€™re ā€œgender diverse.ā€ Either way, Angello and Bowman point out that few parents are immediately prepared for raising a child like yours.

And so, youā€™re not alone: others have raised transgender children before you and have ā€œblazed trailsā€ already. Your feelings are normal, so is worry, and confusion about gender dysphoria will ā€œburn off.ā€

Dysphoria. Now, thereā€™s a word you might have seen while doing research in print or online. There are, in fact, many terms youā€™ll want to know when raising a gender-diverse child, starting with the difference between ā€œsexā€ and ā€œgender.ā€

And by the way, as for shaky ā€œstudiesā€ and internet myths, set them aside. There are many theories on ā€œwhat leads to gender diversityā€ and a lot of unknowns. Again, put arguments away and ignore negativity; all kids are different, and so are their gender experiences. Is it worth obsessing over?

Probably not; you love your child regardless, so prepare yourself for a toe-dip into ā€œsocial transition.ā€ Talk with teachers, neighbors and take steps to make relatives aware of new pronouns and appearance. Educate yourself on public bathrooms, team sports and other legalities. Know when to ask for help, both financial and emotional. Remember that grief is common, and that your child may experience issues, too.

Finally, dare to dream again. Your child will grow up one day and, as the authors say, will eventually fall in love with, ā€œSomeone wonderful and amazing.ā€

As a parent of a transgender child, you may think that all this is common-sense stuff youā€™ve heard before ā€” and that may be so, but thereā€™s a certain calmness inside ā€œRaising the Transgender Childā€ that canā€™t be beat.

The other thing that sets this book apart is that is its comprehensiveness: authors Angello and Bowman seem to have thought of everything Mom, Dad or caregiver could possibly need to know about present issues and whatā€™s to come. Itā€™s all easy to comprehend, too, and it covers children from small toddler to older teen. Particularly vexed parents will be happy to see that the authors even tackle unpleasant situations, and emotions that may need to be heeded along this journey.

Whether you need it now, or you sense that you might later, ā€œRaising the Transgender Childā€ is a good book to have in your parenting bag of tricks. For questioning children and families with questions, itā€™s a good starting point.

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Books

ā€˜Radiantā€™ an illuminating biography of Keith Haring

Author captures artistā€™s complexities in sympathetic new book

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ā€˜Radiant: The Life and Line of Keith Haringā€™
By Brad Gooch
c.2024, Harper
$20/502 pages

ā€œRadiantā€ is an illuminating biography of the talented artist Keith Haring, who made his indelible mark during the 1980s before dying young of AIDS. Brad Gooch, biographer of poets Frank Oā€™Hara and Rumi, follows Haring from his childhood in Kutztown, Pa., to his early days in New York City painting artistic graffiti, to his worldwide fame and friendships with Andy Warhol and Jean-Michel Basquiat.

The eldest of three children and the only boy, Haring learned to draw early on from his father. Art quickly became a lasting obsession, which he pursued fiercely. Growing up in a small, conservative town, he was drawn to countercultural movements like hippies and religious ā€œJesus freaks,ā€ although he mostly found the imagery and symbols appealing.

He studied commercial art in Pittsburgh but later dropped out, spending several years working and learning at the Pittsburgh Arts and Crafts Center, before moving to New York City in 1978. Studying painting at the School for Visual Arts, he also learned about video and performance art, making interesting projects. He also began drawing images on subways and blank advertisement backboards. One of his most distinctive was the Radiant Baby, a crawling baby shooting rays of light. 

Gooch begins the biography with his own encounter with this public art, which felt colorful and ā€œextremely urgent.ā€ It had to be done guerilla-style, before the authorities could catch him, and they were frequently painted over. He was arrested a few times.

Ironically, a few years later Haring would be paid huge sums and flown around the world to create large-scale art on public property. People were amazed at how quickly he worked, even in terrible conditions. Sometimes at these events, while a crowd was gathered, he would draw and give away the artwork. Knowing that his art in galleries sold for incredible amounts, he enjoyed occasionally frustrating the art worldā€™s commercial desires.

His Pop Shops also revealed Haringā€™s competing impulses. Opened in 1986, first in New York and later in Tokyo, they put his art on all sorts of merchandise, including T-shirts and posters. On the one hand, they allowed ordinary people to buy his work at reasonable prices. However, they also earned him more money and increased his public image.

He made art for everyone. His best-known pieces, featuring babies and dogs, are colorful and family friendly. Some even consider it ā€œlightweight.ā€ He eagerly created murals and artwork for elementary schools and neighborhoods. But he also made art with social and political commentary and sexual explicitness. ā€œMichael Stewart ā€“ USA for Africaā€ depicts a graffiti artistā€™s strangulation by New York City Transit Police officers. He painted ā€œOnce Upon a Timeā€¦ā€ for the menā€™s bathroom of New York Cityā€™s Lesbian & Gay Community Center.

Haring worked nearly right up to his death in 1990. The Keith Haring Foundation keeps his work in the public eye, while also funding nonprofits working with disadvantaged youth and AIDS education. Gooch captures Haringā€™s complexities; he befriended graffiti artists of color and dated working-class men, but was sometimes ignorant about how his wealth and fame affected these relationships. Well written and sympathetic, the book can sometimes overwhelm in detail about life in the 80ā€™s and Haringā€™s celebrity friends.

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Books

New book is a fun whodunit set in London drag world

ā€˜Murder in the Dressing Roomā€™ will keep readers guessing

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(Book cover image courtesy Berkeley)

ā€˜Murder in the Dressing Roomā€™
By Holly Stars
c.2025, Berkeley
$19/368 pages

Your alter ego, the other half of your double life, is a superhero.

When youā€™re quiet, sheā€™s boisterous. Your confidence is flat, hers soars. Sheā€™s a better dresser than you; sheā€™s more popular, and maybe even a little smarter. By day, you live a normal existence but by night, your other side roars and in the new mystery,Ā ā€œMurder in the Dressing Roomā€ by Holly Stars,Ā both of you solve crimes.

Lady Lady had been a little off all evening.

As owner of Londonā€™s most fabulous, elegant drag club, she was usually in command but her protegee, Misty Devine, could tell that something was wrong.

She discovered how wrong when she found Lady Lady on her dressing room floor, foaming at the mouth, dead, poisoned by a mysterious box of chocolates.

Hours later, Misty de-dragged, morphing from an elegant woman to an ordinary, binary hotel employee named Joe who was heartbroken by the tragedy. Only employees had access to Lady Ladyā€™s dressing room ā€“ ergo, someone they knew at the club had to be the killer.

Obviously, the London detectives assigned to the case had a suspect list, but Misty/Joe and their boyfriend Miles knew solving Lady Ladyā€™s murder was really up to them. They knew who the killer wasnā€™t, but who had reason to kill Mistyā€™s mentor?

Maybe Mandy, the clubā€™s co-owner. The clubā€™s bartender and bouncer were both sketchy. Lady Lady had spats with two employees and a former co-worker, but was that motive enough? When the dress Lady Lady was wearing that night proved to have been valuable stolen goods, Joeā€™s investigation list grew to include people who might have sneaked backstage when no one was paying attention, and a shady man who was suddenly following them around.

Then Misty learned that she was in Lady Ladyā€™s will, and she figured the inheritance would be minor but she got a huge surprise. Lady Ladyā€™s posthumous gift could make others think that Misty mightā€™ve had reason to kill her.

And just like that, the suspect list gained another entry.

When you first get ā€œMurder in the Dressing Roomā€ in your hands, hang onto it tight. Itā€™s fun, and so fluffy and light that it might float away if youā€™re not careful.

The storyā€™s a little too long, as well, but thereā€™s enjoyment to be had here, and authenticity enough to hold a readerā€™s attention. Author Holly Stars is a drag performer in London and somewhat of a murder maven there, which gives her insight into books of this genre and the ability to string readers along nicely with solid characters. If youā€™re unfamiliar with the world of drag youā€™ll also learn a thing or two while youā€™re sleuthing through the story; drag queens and kings will like the dual tale, and the settings that anchor it.

As a mystery, this is fun and different, exciting, but tame enough for any adult reader. If you love whodunits and you want something light, ā€œMurder in the Dressing Roomā€ is a double delight.

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Books

Telling the Randy Shilts story

Remembering the book that made America pay attention to AIDS

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(Book cover image courtesy Chicago Review Press)

ā€˜When the Band Played Onā€™
By Michael G. Lee
c.2025, Chicago Review Press
$30/282 pages

You spent most of your early career playing second fiddle.

But nowĀ youā€™ve got the baton, and a story to tell that people arenā€™t going to want to hear,Ā though itā€™s essentialĀ that theyĀ face the music.Ā They mustĀ know whatā€™s happening. As in the new bookĀ ā€œWhen the Band Played Onā€ by Michael G. Lee,Ā this time, itā€™s personal.

Born in 1951 in small-town Iowa, Randy Shilts was his alcoholic, abusive motherā€™s third of six sons. Frustrated, drunk, she reportedly beat Shilts almost daily when he was young; she also called him a ā€œsissy,ā€ which ā€œseemed to follow Randy everywhere.ā€

Perhaps because of the abuse, Shilts had to ā€œteach himself social graces,ā€ developing ā€œadultlike impassivenessā€ and ā€œbiting sarcasm,ā€ traits that featured strongly as he matured and became a writer. He was exploring his sexuality then, learning ā€œthe subtleties of sexual communication,ā€ while sleeping with women before fully coming out as gay to friends.

Nearing his 21st birthday, Shilts moved to Oregon to attend college and to ā€œallow myself love.ā€ There, he became somewhat of an activist before leaving San Francisco to fully pursue journalism, focusing on stories of gay life that were ā€œmostly unknown to anyone outside of gay culture.ā€

He would bounce between Oregon and California several times, though he never lost sight of his writing career and, through it, his activism. In both states, Shilts reported on gay life, until he was well known to national readers and gay influencers. After San Francisco supervisor Harvey Milk was assassinated, he was tapped to write Milkā€™s biography.

By 1982, Shilts was in love, had a book under his belt, a radio gig, and a regular byline in a national publication reporting ā€œon the GRID beat,ā€ an acronym later changed to AIDS. He was even under contract to write a second book.

But Shilts was careless. Just once, careless.

ā€œIn hindsight,ā€ says Lee, ā€œā€¦ it was likely the night when Randy crossed the line, becoming more a part of the pandemic than just another worried bystander.ā€

Perhaps not surprisingly, there are two distinct audiences for ā€œWhen the Band Played On.ā€ One type of reader will remember the AIDS crisis and the seminal book about it. The other is too young to remember it, but needs to know Randy Shiltsā€™s place in its history.

The journey may be different, but the result is the same: author Michael G. Lee tells a complicated, still-controversial story of Shilts and the book that made America pay attention, and itā€™s edgy for modern eyes. Lee clearly shows why Shilts had fans and haters, why Shilts was who he was, and Lee keeps some mystery in the tale. Shilts had the knowledge to keep himself safe but he apparently didnā€™t, and readers are left to wonder why. Thereā€™s uncomfortable tension in that, and a lot of hypothetical thinking to be had.

For scholars of gay history, this is an essential book to read. Also, for anyone too young to remember AIDS as it was, ā€œWhen the Band Played Onā€ hits the right note.

The Blade may receive commissions from qualifying purchases made via this post.

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