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QUEERY: Isaac Belfer

The Bet Mishpachah community affairs director answers 20 gay questions

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Isaac Belfer, gay news, Washington Blade

Isaac Belfer (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

For many LGBT Jews, the Passover themes of liberation and standing up for the oppressed resonate on multiple levels.

“Because of our historical experience being strangers in other peoples’ lands, we should stand up for those in our own society who are vulnerable and need our support,” says Isaac Belfer, director of community affairs on the board of Bet Mishpachah. “Today when the rights and basic human dignity of many vulnerable members of our society are being threatened, we have an obligation to resist by standing up on their behalf.”

That all ties into the ethos of “Reflections on Resistance: a Decade of the National Rainbow Seder,” slated for Sunday, March 18 at 5 p.m. at the HRC building (1640 Rhode Island Ave., N.W.). This year, Bet Mishpachah, a local, LGBT-affirming synagogue is joining Edlavitch D.C.-JCC GLOE and Israeli House Washington for the event. Abby Stein, the first openly trans woman to be ordained by an Orthodox institution, will lead the Seder. Details and tickets are here.

Belfer says the Washington-area LGBT Jewish community is “large, diverse and dynamic.” He’s been at Bet Mish for a few years but has stepped up his involvement in recent months. Find out more at betmish.org.

Belfer works by day as a patent litigation associate at a law firm. The 31-year-old Palo Alto, Calif., native came to Washington three-and-a-half years ago for work. He lives in Logan Circle and is single. Belfer enjoys reading, running, bridge, movies, theater, restaurants and classical music in his free time.

 

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?

I came out to myself and the world when I was 27. After years of thinking that I just hadn’t met the right girl, I finally realized that no, that wasn’t the problem. Once I was ready to come out, my family and friends were unequivocally supportive and I am very grateful for that.

 

Who’s your LGBT hero?

My heroes are the generations of LGBT people who came before us, whose persistence and sacrifice paved the way for the tremendous progress we’ve made in the last 15 years.

What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?

Weather permitting, I’m a fan of outdoor patios and roof decks. The Trade patio is a recent favorite.

Describe your dream wedding.

In my dream wedding, I would be surrounded by family and close friends. That’s what matters.

What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?

I think every child should have a real opportunity to pursue his/her/their dreams. A big part of that is providing excellent public education and I have the highest respect for teachers who dedicate their careers to helping their students succeed. For educational opportunity to be real, though, we need to make progress on many other critical social issues, such as housing, health care and a living wage.

What historical outcome would you change?

The Holocaust

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

The Broadway opening of “Dear Evan Hansen.” What a spectacular show!

On what do you insist?

Honesty

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?

Probably wishing a friend happy birthday on Facebook.

If your life were a book, what would the title be?

“Reflections on a Deliberate Life”

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?

Advocate for using the medical breakthroughs underlying that discovery to do something that actually benefits humanity, like curing cancer.

What do you believe in beyond the physical world?

I’m not sure. But even with my uncertainty, I feel at home in the Jewish tradition, which encourages the questioning of everything, including the nature of the divine.

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?

Listen to people from all parts of the diverse LGBT community. We’ve made tremendous progress over the past several years, but there’s still a long way to go to achieve full acceptance of and appreciation for the full range of queer identities.

What would you walk across hot coals for?

My family.

What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?

That gay guys all present themselves in a particular way. We’re a hugely diverse group and there’s no one “gay” way of talking, walking or anything else.

What’s your favorite LGBT movie?

“Call Me By Your Name”

What’s the most overrated social custom?

With smartphones always at hand, many people seem to think they need to be consuming some sort of media at all times. I like my iPhone as much as the next guy, but sometimes it’s nice to take time just to think.

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

None. I’d like to achieve professional success in some form, but I don’t need a prize to tell me when I’ve gotten there.

What do you wish you’d known at 18?

Not to worry about what others think of me.

Why Washington?

People here are engaged with politics and what’s going on in the world, which is my kind of culture. This city is also a great place to practice law, with a huge variety of practice areas and outstanding colleagues to learn from.

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Queer writer reflects on assault, drug use, more in ‘Mean Boys’

An interview with Geoffrey Mak

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(Book cover image via Amazon)

Queer Chinese American writer Geoffrey Mak takes the personal essay to new, and sometimes unsettling, heights, in his book “Mean Boys: A Personal History” (Bloomsbury, 2024). Described as a “memoir-in-essays,” Mak, the gay son of an evangelical minister, takes readers on his volatile and visceral personal journey, which includes the techno clubs of Berlin, various illicit substances, his sexual assault, and ultimately an examination of mass-murderer Elliot Rodger. Mak generously made time for an interview in advance of his November appearance at the Miami Book Fair.

BLADE: In the author’s note for your book “Mean Boys: A Personal History,” you said, “I wrote most of these essays for the Internet,” and that awareness of your readership extended to “what they wanted to hear, and what they were wearing.” Is that still your target audience or were you looking to expand it with the book?

GEOFFREY MAK: If I could go back in time and inspire my 26-year-old self to keep writing, I would say, “Babe, in 10 years, you’ll get everything you’ve ever dreamed of, just online-only.” I still see the natural habitat of the personal essay; yet the internet has a tendency for fragmentation and bubbles. When I decided to write a book at a mainstream press, I thought a lot about how a book—unlike a painting—is a mass-produced object, which makes it a more democratic medium, almost humble. I thought a lot about the opportunity to reach readers in Idaho or Oregon or Arkansas, and, in fact, I now get emails or Instagram DMs from readers in all those states. I wanted to explore universal themes that anyone can relate to, such as the wages of status in a high school cafeteria, or the process of forgiving one’s own father.

BLADE: You also mentioned James Baldwin and Joan Didion, as well as Ed White, Hilton Als, and Alan Hollinghurst, among others. How important are these writers to you in your work?

MAK: I love that you called him Ed, because he is Ed. Each of those writers gave me something that is a part of me. Baldwin: conviction. Didion: cadence. White: self-mythology. Als: voice. Hollinghurst: sex.

BLADE: Another writer, Wesley Yang, is featured prominently in the “Identity Despite Itself” essay. Do you know if he’s aware of being the essay’s subject? If so, has he told you how he feels about it?

MAK: Marco Roth, a friend, was one of the founding editors of n+1, and commissioned and edited Wesley Yang’s remarkable essay, “The Face of Seung-Hui Cho” when it came out in 2008. After Marco read my book, he sent it to him. In Marco’s view, I had at last given Yang his due: taking him as seriously as he deserved, which is something any writer should be flattered by. And I did take him seriously, calling him into account for his internalized Asian racism and transphobia. As to what Yang actually thinks, I have no idea. Can you believe it: Not a single person I wrote about in the book has reached out to me about it?

BLADE: In “My Father, The Minister,” you address religion, not only as the son of a religious leader but also as a gay man. Religion continues to make headlines, whether it’s the role it’s playing in the 2024 election, the ongoing sexual abuse scandals in the various churches, or the war in Gaza. What role, if any, does religion play in your life at present?

MAK: I pay close attention to the religious life of this country. Two-thirds consider themselves religious. A lot of what I read disturbs me, nothing is surprising to me. I was heartened when, earlier this year, the United Methodist Church rescinded a ban on gay clergy. It was a rare victory because sexual difference remains the greatest divisive factor in American churches today. The articulation of the queer, Christian subject might be my highest priority as a writer today. (Out of all my essays, I consider “California Gothic” my greatest work.) I don’t participate in organized religion, but I still study the Bible and read queer theology, particularly the work of Marcella Althaus-Reid and Linn Tonstad, major influences of mine. I count theologians as some of my closest friends. I was actually just emailing with the writer Garth Greenwell about how 4th-century apophatic theology has parallels with queer theory today. I’m currently writing a novel about a trans-femme protagonist who finds her way to God. I’m quite serious. Sometimes, I dream that if this whole writer career doesn’t pan out, I might go to Divinity School.

BLADE: You also write honestly about your drug usage in “Mean Boys.” There’s a line in the “California Gothic” essay that reads: “After psychosis, and after addiction, I knew that whether I would recover came down to a single test: Could I find grace in the ordinary?” Where are you now on that journey?

MAK: I happen to be sober now, but I have cycled through periods of limited drug use and sobriety since I finished that essay. I belong to a harm reduction community that keeps me accountable to my self-stated goals. For several years, I have had a buddy system, which differs from a sponsor relationship because it’s non-hierarchical, with a friend I’m extremely close with—we regularly check in with cravings, take stock of our weekly stressors, talk about books. If we ever call the other, we know to drop whatever we’re doing and pick up, because it’s an emergency. One night, he called me when he relapsed on meth, and I ran straight to his apartment, we flushed out the syringes, and cried in each other’s arms until the sleeping pills kicked in. Since then, he’s been sober for almost two years. Recently, I’ve been talking to him about “junk time,” which are the late-night brain rot hours when I can’t read and crave drugs the most. I need to start finding grace in the ordinariness of junk time. Thanks for the reminder.

BLADE: What was involved in your decision to write about the aftermath of your sexual assault in the essay “In Arcadia Ego?”

MAK: OK, so the first section of that essay originated as a Facebook post. People reached out with caring words, although the writing partly explored my reaching a limit with caring words. The material was so raw that I put it down for at least a few years. After I had some distance from my own assault, I picked up the essay again and suddenly realized I was bored of my own pain. It wasn’t going to teach me anything, because suffering isn’t a university. I wanted to party, so I wrote about that. Nothing about this was virtuous or wholesome or dignified. I got fucked up and screamed with my gays on the dance floor like sorority girls at a bachelorette party. In a previous era, you had a party to commemorate an occasion. My friends and I partied for no reason; the party justified itself. Life is like this, too. You never need a reason.

BLADE: Was the lengthy, titular essay that closes out the book, the first essay written for the book, and therefore the inspiration?

MAK: It was the last essay I finished. In fact, we delayed the release date of the book because I couldn’t finish it. It’s my most original writing and original thinking. It’s also not for everyone.

BLADE: In the “Mean Boys” essay, you write about the ultimate mean boy – mass-murderer Elliot Rodger. Did that essay begin as being about Rodger or did that come later?

MAK: This was one of the first essays I wrote where I didn’t outline it or know where it was ending up in advance. I started with an image—the Lacoste polo with the popped collar—and just kept writing. It’s meandering, because that’s how I wrote it, working through the innate turbulence of each paragraph until a door appeared into the next paragraph. I eventually found my way to Rodger. There was a time I thought I could write the essay without reading the manifesto, until I realized, c’mon, I was being chicken, I had to read the manifesto. Once I finished it, I knew I had to rewrite the entire essay.

BLADE: Have you started writing or thinking about your next book project?

MAK: I’m working on a novel about degenerate ravers in Berlin. While the UK and Germany have novels about raving, America curiously doesn’t have one. So, I decided to write one.

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‘Fun’ farewell: an interview with Cyndi Lauper

Pop icon reflects on career as final tour kicks off

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Cyndi Lauper plays D.C.’s Capital One Arena on Sunday, Oct. 27. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

When I did the tally, I realized that, including this one, I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing Cyndi Lauper nine times since 1997. Of course, that doesn’t match the number of times I’ve been fortunate to see her perform live – that would be 12, beginning in 1984. 

And now, as I prepare to see her for a 13th time, it’s with a touch of sadness as Lauper is embarking on her farewell tour. One of the best friends the LGBTQ community has ever had, Lauper’s multi-artist True Colors Tours, which ran from 2007-2010 and raised funds for the Matthew Shepard Foundation, PFLAG, and HRC, and the subsequent founding of True Colors United in 2008, which continues to help homeless LGBTQ youth, are just a couple of examples of her activism. Additionally, Lauper is a lifetime musical trendsetter. For instance, she recorded a duet with the late Tony Bennett, more than 10 years before Lady Gaga did, as well as released dance-oriented and country music albums, 14 and 8 years, respectively, before Beyoncé. When it comes to her legendary personal style, social media fashion critic Nicky Campbell recently declared Lauper an icon in his review of the 2024 VMA fashions. Now, as we prepare to say farewell to Lauper on the concert tour circuit, she was generous enough to make time for an interview before hitting the road. 

Lauper plays D.C.’s Capital One Arena on Sunday, Oct. 27.

BLADE: In preparing for this interview, in which we’re talking about your farewell tour, I pulled out my 12 ticket stubs from your concerts I’ve attended since 1984, beginning with two that year in Boston. Do you remember what that first, headlining tour as a solo artist felt like for you?

CYNDI LAUPER: I just wanted to make sure I had places to go. I wanted the sound to be really great. I don’t know if I accomplished that, but I did have those big speakers that I used to run up on. That’s me! I loved that. Because I saw all those wonderful English groups, the ska bands.

BLADE: You mean Madness and The English Beat and The Specials?

LAUPER: The Specials! I thought they were extraordinary. The singer (Neville Staple), I don’t know where his family was from, I guess he could have been Jamaican English. He was so fierce, singing so great, and he climbed up on top of the speaker and put up his fist and he’s singing his guts out. I’m thinking, “It’s Mighty Mouse!” When I was a kid that was kind of my favorite show, I don’t know why [laughs]. But it always influenced me, and I remember in ’84, ‘85 I was still free. When ‘86 came then I became a prisoner of the system.

BLADE : Being on a major record label, and all that.

LAUPER: I wasn’t allowed to touch anybody. I wasn’t allowed to go out to them (in the audience) or have them come to me. It was totally different, and I totally hated it.

BLADE: Did you ever imagine that 40 years later you would be embarking on a farewell tour?

LAUPER: Well, at some point, sure. I think that for me this is the perfect time. Because it’s a kind of bucket list of what I always wanted to do. In the beginning, it was roughneck style. Whatever I could jimmy-rig, I did. When I got to a certain point like we were doing the (live) “Money Changes Everything” video. I had fantasies of a cherry-picker. Because of our budget, everyone said, “Well, you can’t get a cherry-picker but we’ll give you a garbage pail and a pulley system. I thought to myself, “Oh no, like Oscar the Grouch?” I had a friend who was a great interviewer, and she used to interview everybody from a garbage pail. So, of course, that’s what my people gave me to go up in the crowd. I thought it was a pulley system. The pulley system was actually 10 men with rope holding it. When I started to shake (while singing), I started to slip out of their hands. They brought me right in. That could have been the reason that the lawyer made me sign my will before I left.

BLADE: Are you planning to sing songs from each of your albums?

LAUPER: I’m really trying. I didn’t get anything from the blues album (2010’s “Memphis Blues”) in there because there’s too many songs. I usually get to the point where (I say), “Hey, guys, if the visuals look good for this, can we switch the songs?” What I did was I wanted to do visuals (on the tour). I wanted to do performance art. That means you have to be on a click. Like when I went out on the (Rod) Stewart tour and we used the lyric video of “Sally’s Pigeons.” You can’t do that and not be on a click, because the guy running visual has to be on the click. If nobody’s together, it’s like, “Hey, what the hell now the words are there…no they’re not.”

BLADE: It’s like a badly dubbed movie.

LAUPER: Yeah. But this time I got this wonderful visual director, Brian Burke, who worked for years with the creative director of Cirque Du Soleil, and not having people flying through the air. In the beginning of all that, that was my fantasy! I wanted to fly through the air, and all I got was a cherry-picker — not a cherry-picker, but a garbage pail. It wasn’t going to happen for me. Now, I’m 71! I’m not gonna go flying through the air. It’s a mixture of collabs with artists and art. Art and music. The whole thing is an artist collective, any time you go out on tour. It’s not just you. You’re with other dance artists if you’re a dancer, or you’re with musicians. Or you’re with lighting designers, that’s art, too. We did these collabs and I’m excited to present a show like this because it’s something I always wanted to do. Fingers crossed that it all works out. I’m even going to do costume changes this time, which you know I never do because it’s so bothersome. But I can do it in a way now that I’m comfortable with. I just want to be able to do this as a gift to all the people that followed me through all my crazy twists and turns. I did all those twists and turns because I kept hitting brick walls. You keep hitting the gatekeeper, you gotta find your way around that gatekeeper.

BLADE: Earlier this year, “Let The Canary Sing,” Alison Ellwood’s documentary about you received a theatrical release. After having your memoir published in 2012, did it feel to you like the documentary was the next logical step, a continuation of sorts?

LAUPER: Well, not for me. I didn’t want to have a documentary. It was the pandemic, and everyone was saying, “Everybody’s doing documentaries now, Cyn! Come on, what are you doing?” I was like, “I’m not dead!” Then I started watching documentaries on the streaming services and I saw “Laurel Canyon.” I felt it was an extraordinarily captivating documentary for me because it was the history of music. All of the people and players in that story were very much influential for me as a growing artist, especially in the ‘70s. I looked and saw who directed it…

BLADE: Alison Ellwood!

LAUPER: When they came at me again, I said, “I want a film, not a TV special. So, how about Alison Ellwood? She makes films.” She wanted to do it! I think she did a good job. It’s not your typical story. I don’t think anybody’s story is typical. Right? We think we know people but I guess we don’t. You think, “It’s typical! You start a band.” Which is always my theory! If something’s wrong, start a band, start playing out, you’ll feel a lot better!” [Laughs] It doesn’t always go that way.

BLADE: With the end of touring in sight, is there a possibility that you might do more film work for a potential Oscar to complete your EGOT status?

LAUPER: Listen, I happen to love independent films. For that I would write. I wrote “Unhook The Stars” for —

BLADE: — the Gena Rowlands movie.

LAUPER: Right! Usually, I like an independent movie because then you get to talk to the director and then you have to understand what their vision is. That’s interesting, because each director is a different personality and a different kind of artist. You have to listen and see what story they’re trying to tell and then have a couple of different suggestions. When we first wrote “Who Let In the Rain,” I wrote it with Allee Willis.

BLADE: Oh, the late Allee Willis.

LAUPER: Allee Willis was a great songwriter.

BLADE: Did you see that documentary?

LAUPER: No, I wish I did because I miss her so much. I guess I was talking to the director, and we didn’t have a band, so I just sang (sings) “They fall like rain,” and, in between, her dog, Orbit would bark. I was like, “OK, the dog is musical,” and everyone laughed. Then, I described it to the director as “Chinese Motown.” That would scare most people. To me, I hear influences of every culture in American music. That’s how I make my music: with different influences. Like cooking, like spices. I feel grateful that I was brought up in New York City because I was exposed to so many different cultures.

BLADE: On a final serious note, when I saw you perform in Boca Raton in 2016 in support of your “Detour” album, you asked for a moment of silence to honor Christina Grimmie who had been shot and killed in Orlando the night before. The next morning, after your concert, many of us woke up to the news of the shooting at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando. With those tragedies in mind, and this upcoming election, which is so terribly important, especially for women and LGBTQ folks, is there anything you’d like to say to your fans?

LAUPER: Absolutely! There is an organization called Vote411.org. Taylor Swift recently, finally put that up. You go online and you find out all the questions and all the people that are running and what they voted for so that you can make an intelligent decision on who is going to represent you, not them. This war against women has been going on since the ‘60s, it’s just been going and going, and we need to stop it because we are half the population. 

As far as the LGBTQ people, you have to vote. You have to be informed. Every time you have to vote, you vote! Don’t say, “Oh, it doesn’t matter for this one.” It matters! Because they put laws in there. There are community people that represent you and you need to start on a community level, a grassroots level to ensure that there are people that are going to speak for you as a human being. We are all human beings here. 

As I said, women are half the population and LGBTQ, I venture to bet are a pretty large part, too. This country was founded on the separation of church and state. Separation! I don’t want anybody to have ownership over my body. They say they want local communities in charge but yet they have SCOTUS making federal laws about what you do in your bedroom and what you do with your body and who you are and nullifying families. Oh, I have a lot to say about that. You need to vote! You vote on every voting occasion. You can’t just lie down and get rolled over. This is our country, too. 

And always share your stories. Because people who work with you, that you’re friends with, sometimes they don’t understand. They don’t know. What’s really interesting now, from when we started with True Colors United, I think that people do not understand gender identity, which is a whole different thing. If you want people to listen to you, you’ve got to listen to them. Just because they’re different from you, doesn’t mean that you have to be like them. You have to learn on both sides of the fence. Knock the fence down, because we’re all human beings; just everybody’s different, that’s all.

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Christian Siriano on new book, red carpet fashion — and dressing Kamala

Celebrated designer showcases iconic designs for world’s biggest stars

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Christian Siriano’s new book, ‘The New Red Carpet.’

After 15 years in the fashion business, Christian Siriano has dressed everyone from Oprah to Gaga and he’s celebrating all those memorable years of success in his book, “The New Red Carpet,” which features photos of his many iconic designs along with anecdotes about the stars who made them famous. 

There’s Halle Berry, Alicia Silverstone (a Siriano muse), Billy Porter, Laverne Cox, Lizzo, Jennifer Lopez, and dozens more. One of his favorites to dress is Janet Jackson. Siriano designed some of the costumes for Jackson’s recent “Together Again” world tour, noting he “begged her for color” and designed a bright orange jumpsuit so the audience sitting in the back could see her on stage. 

“She’s the best,” he says of Jackson. “I love her dearly we’re good friends. My first meeting was surreal and magical but she’s so gracious and lovely and one of the easiest people to work with. We have a blast together.”

Jackson’s look featured in the book is from her appearance at the 2022 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony for which she and Siriano recreated her iconic style from the 1986 “Control” album featuring a black pantsuit.

“She likes to be comfortable,” Siriano said. “I had to make this feel modern but also something that felt of the time, streamlined, and chic.”

The book’s title refers to Siriano’s efforts to diversify the red carpet and he’s known for dressing full-figured stars, non-binary performers, and others who have been shunned by other designers.

“This is what I think the new world of the red carpet should be — it feels new and fresh and exciting. It’s not exciting to see the same girl on the red carpet in the same dress. The younger generation gets that as well.”

There’s a pop culture debate right now about the role of luck in advancing the careers of huge stars, thanks in part to the new memoir by Ina Garten, “Be Ready When the Luck Happens.” Garten tells a story of being scolded by Oprah for saying she was lucky in her career; Oprah famously dismisses the idea of luck and says what really happens for big stars is that opportunity meets preparation. When asked what role luck plays in his blockbuster career, Siriano cites his own “bad luck.”

“I have a lot of bad luck and crazy things have happened to me and my business over the years that are unbelievable,” he said. “My team talks about my bad luck. I think that what happens to me is not luck; it’s taking opportunities that I’m not afraid of. I go after things that other people don’t see as interesting. … Billy Porter is a good example – wearing a gown at the Oscars.” 

After 15 years of A-list success, what’s left for the Annapolis, Md., native to achieve professionally?

“I made a list of people I was obsessed with and wanted to dress and I’ve checked all those off,” he said. “A new singer or actress is always exciting, though.”

Today it’s more about keeping the business going and taking on projects that are exciting and creative. Siriano has been designing more tour costumes lately, including the looks for Cyndi Lauper’s new tour that kicks off this week.

“I would love to do a big ballet,” he adds, “even if it was no money at all.” 

Siriano has been open about his sexual orientation since he debuted on “Project Runway” back in 2008 and stresses the importance of embracing your identity at work.

“You have to be yourself,” he said. “I think you cannot do your best work without being yourself. When you’re hiding something about yourself you can’t do your best work.”

And what we Americans are wearing to work has improved, Siriano says, since our COVID-era sweatpants addiction ended.

“We’re in a good place … I’ve noticed people are wanting to go out and get dressed up more now. Clothes are emotional for people; you put on a great jacket and it improves your confidence.” 

Siriano is coming to Washington, D.C., on Monday, Oct. 21 at 6 p.m. for a book talk at Sixth & I (600 I St., N.W.). Tickets start at $25 for the in-person event or $12 for virtual access. Go to sixthandi.org for more information. 

He’s comfortable in D.C., having dressed politicos in addition to Hollywood stars. Siriano dressed Vice President Kamala Harris for last year’s State of the Union address — “a beautiful burgundy suit” that she’s worn again. He’s excited about the upcoming election.

“I think it’s really exciting for Kamala being a powerful woman, it would change so much. I’ve loved dressing her. It’s a historic moment. I hope we get to make more for her.” 

Christian Siriano will be in D.C. on Monday, Oct. 21. (Photo by DFree/Bigstock)
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