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Sexual abuse muddies queer journey in murky memoir

‘Hiding Out’ by Tina Alexis Allen presents complicated family life

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hiding out book review, gay news, Washington Blade

Tina Alexis Allen (Photo courtesy of Dey St. Books)

‘Hiding Out: A Memoir of Drugs, Deception and Double Lives’
 
By Tina Alexis Allen
 
Dey St. Books
 
$16.99
 
288 pages

“Ready or not, here I come!”

Hear that, and if you hadn’t hidden by then, hadn’t found a secret spot, you had a real chance of losing at Hide & Seek. Get out of sight, though, and you might’ve managed to sneak back home, ready to play another game. As in the memoir “Hiding Out” by Tina Alexis Allen (released in February but just out in paperback), that game could last for decades.

Growing up, Christina Worthington knew her father hated her.

Her 12 siblings knew it, too, and they reminded her of it often: she was the youngest, her mother’s “lucky 13” and the victim of much of her father’s wrath. Starting at about the age of 9, Tina was also the victim of sexual abuse from two of her then-adult brothers.

But she never told anyone about it. Instead, she acted out at school until the nuns were at their wits’ end and her “saint” of a mother was exasperated. At age 11, a younger teacher finally took Tina under her wing — and into her bed.

Two years later, by the time her teacher-lover sent her away, Tina knew she was more attracted to girls than boys. By her mid-teens, she had a college-age girlfriend who lived near her parents’ Washington D.C.-area house, from which she managed to mostly stay away; there was more comfort in the girlfriend’s apartment than there was at her childhood home, where hiding her real self was necessary.

But no one can hide forever.

When her father invited her and her girlfriend to lunch one day, Tina was guarded and rightfully so, because he figured out her secret and she couldn’t deny. Then he revealed a shocker of his own: he was gay, too.

Within weeks, Tina went from hated daughter to favorite, from ignored to invitee to her father’s dinners and clubs. They agreed to keep one another’s secrets from the rest of the family, partying, drinking and doing drugs until the stress of it all bubbled over. Tina couldn’t take the lies anymore and her lips spilled the truth.

Years later, there was one last secret …

Memoirs, by their very nature, are generally focused inwardly, to a greater or lesser degree. Count “Hiding Out” on the latter side.

Starting with a raucous anecdote of sibling rivalry before Christmas Mass, you’re in for more than a look-at-me memoir. This is, in fact, a whole-family tale in which author Tina Alexis Allen puts the focus mainly on her parents, with sibs ringing the action as needed. Using that as a base, tales eke out tantalizingly slowly over the course of this book and some are shocking, told so casually that you’ll get a, “Wait. What?” backlash. Don’t be surprised if you read the occasional sentence twice, in disbelief.

Add a tight window of time and a deep unsubstantiated-rumor-type mystery that feels like a character unto itself, and you’ve got a compulsively readable book. If a memoir like “Hiding Out” is what you want for a long winter’s night, then get ready.

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Books

‘Transcendent’ a tough but important read

Laverne Cox’s memoir recounts horrific abuse as a child

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(Book cover image courtesy of Gallery Books)

‘Transcendent: A Memoir’
By Laverne Cox
c.2026, Gallery Books
$30/238 pages

OK, let’s just say it: You’re tired of lies.

They come from above, behind, from either shoulder. They’re repeated, laid out in a line, told as if they’re true but they’re not. You wish people would stop lying to you. As in the new memoir “Transcendent” by Laverne Cox, you wish you could tell the truth about yourself.

Sissy.

If the bullies in the neighborhood weren’t constantly calling Laverne Cox that name, then Cox’s mother was. “Sissy,” was just one word, though; the others were worse. The boys would say those things while they beat Cox, when they could catch her. Her mother screamed at her gentle child who didn’t like “boy” activities.

Even at eight years old, says Cox, “I was a prim and proper lady.”

Despite the verbal abuse about her perceived feminine behavior and a furtive, failed attempt at conversion therapy, Cox’s mother sent her and her brother to the Alabama School of Fine Arts, where Cox learned to dance. It was a lifeline for her, and the talent gained there helped Cox get into college in Indiana.

From there, Cox expected to find fame and fortune in New York City.

And yet, the abuse she suffered as a child held Cox back, and the words “There is something wrong with me” became a daily mantra.

“I didn’t know how to say it.” Cox says. “Im a girl.

There were therapy sessions to get to that point, as Cox learned the language and skills needed to speak the truth. Landing a sense of style helped, as did her brother’s support, a handful of friends, and happy, scent-infused memories of her mother’s make-up table.

At each step, Cox says, “I was expressing myself, I was also allowing myself to edge closer to my girlhood.”

Let’s start here: “Transcendent” is a difficult read – not for style, but for substance.

From her earliest memory of being sexually abused as a toddler; to verbal and physical abuse from many sources; to what, judging by photo captions, seems perhaps like forgiveness, author Laverne Cox glosses over nothing. Be ready, in other words, for pages and pages of memories that, like a roller-coaster, will make you cringe and want to hide your eyes, although doing so would be a mistake.

As this book progresses, Cox’s story does, too. We see a child who knows a truth but has no words for it. The child becomes a teen with a bursting sense of self, then a young adult who craves love as she’s stretching her wings. By the time Cox advances to writing about her career and the abuse is (mostly) over, readers will breathe a well-deserved sigh of relief. Whew, you’ve winced through a harrowing tale to reach a satisfying but not complete update.

Fans of Cox’s work will want “Transcendent,” as will anyone who’s transitioned, is thinking about it, or loves someone who has. It’s a rough read, but a necessary one, then, and that’s no lie.

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Books

Reflect on Pride season with these engaging books

Travel, memoirs, and more on tap for June

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Books for Pride by various authors
c.2026, various publishers
$18.95 – $29.00

How many times have you marched so far this month? Seems like there’s always a reason to gather and walk during Pride, but save some time for yourself, too. You’ll want to reflect, rest, and read these great books about living your best Pride month. 

No doubt, you’ve thought once or twice about stepping away from society as it is, and moving somewhere more accepting. So read “Qtopia: A Memoir of Love, Land, and Liberation” by Juda Bennett (University of Wisconsin Press, $18.95), the story of doing exactly that, and how it turned out.

Back in the ‘70s, Bennett fled the suburbs and all it represented, and went “back to the land,” to a commune named Lavender Hill. Some of the places he’d lived before then had promised way more than they delivered, but Lavender Hill was different – more rural, more open, more queer, much better. But you know all good things must end, and that includes “queer utopia.” The only thing left was to re-enter the mainstream, a journey unto itself, and one worth reading.

Speaking of memoirs, in “Gay Mormon Dad” by Chad Anderson, art by Remy Burke (Graphic Mundi, $21.99), you’ll read about Anderson’s life as a husband (to a woman), a father, and a man who seemingly had it all but it wasn’t right, and he wasn’t happy. He was gay, but acknowledging it, telling his family and his church family, could mean the loss of everything he loved. It’s a story that may be familiar to you, in some way, and it’s a quick read.

For most of his life, Joseph Osmundson dreamed about getting pregnant and having a family. The former didn’t happen and, as for the latter, as he writes in his memoir, “Spawning Season: An Experiment in Queer Parenthood” (Bloomsbury, $27.99) the journey for a gay man to become a father can have plenty of roadblocks.

When two women approach Osmundson to be a sperm donor, it appears that his ultimate dreams are about to come true. Things go swimmingly – until race enters the conversation. Are the words “donor” and “dad” the same? Read this powerful book, and think about it.

And finally, if parenthood as a gay person is something that’s a case of maybe-later, then “Good Morning Moon: A Snapshot of an American Family” by Brad Gooch (Harper, $29) is a book to find. It’s the story of late-life love, surrogacy, and identity as Gooch learns about himself as he learns to be a good Dad. This is a great book for older fathers, and anyone who’s on the parental fence, later in life.

If these great books aren’t enough for you, or if you’re looking for something different for Pride, then head to your favorite bookstore or library and ask the staff there to help you find your next best read. They’ve got a lot of books to put in your hands, a lot of sunny afternoons full of relaxing and promise, so march on out, get a new book, and happy Pride!

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Books

David Archuleta on Mormon faith, ‘Idol,’ more in new book

Unique memoir details religious upbringing, coming out

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(Book cover image courtesy of Gallery Books)

‘Devout: Losing My Faith to Find Myself’
By David Archuleta
c.2026, Gallery Books
$29/290 pages

So just make up your mind already.

The decision is very much in your control – or, at least that’s how it’s supposed to be. It’ll be your future, your path, and seizing it may not just be necessary, but mandatory. It’s your life, and no one can live it for you. As in the new memoir “Devout” by David Archuleta, that goes for career and for love, too.

Born to parents who both had musical careers before they wed, David Archuleta remembers an early childhood growing up in a Hispanic Mormon community in Florida, where kin was always nearby. He was six when his parents moved the immediate family to Utah; the first thing he remembers about that is the snow, and how it was so cold, it burned.

Because music was in his blood, Archuleta grew up singing and dancing, often with his mother whom he calls “my rock.” It was his father, however, who encouraged him to perform; first, with a gentle push, then a shove toward a career Archuleta didn’t really want.

But he did want to make his father happy, so he went along with the contests, embarrassing meet-and-greets with stars, and uncomfortable introductions. Slowly, though, performing became more fun, and Archuleta made friends.

Meanwhile, back home, everything was breaking apart. A “family friend” whom Archuleta refuses to name accused his father of abuse. He was exonerated, but it affected the family’s closeness and they stopped being affectionate.

That was a painful backdrop to Archuleta’s soaring career, his appearances on Star Search, friendships with other rising stars, his runner-up spot on “American Idol,” tours, and recording contracts. His father kept pushing him.

But there was one thing missing.

Since he was a boy, Archuleta had known that he was attracted to men, but his Mormon faith taught him that that was unacceptable. Kissing, his abuelita said, was wrong. He tried hard to date girls, in the most chaste way. Anything past that was against God – and anything at all with a man was unthinkable.

Though it absolutely favors his personal life and dwells on it a bit too much, “Devout” strikes an otherwise nice balance between that, author David Archuleta’s career, his sexuality, and his faith. The latter two are loaded with controversy.

You don’t need to be Mormon to fully understand the faith part; Archuleta offers non-Mormons a brief education, so readers can see the importance of the Church’s teachings in his life and why he felt the need to abandon it as his understanding of his bisexuality grew. It’s emotionally raw and honest, but also so respectful that it almost bears re-reading. Such candor and the heart-on-his-sleeve tone you’ll sense are features in the entire book, alongside Archuleta’s family’s struggles and his learning to strike out alone.

It’s harmonious in more ways than one, and fans will be happy.

So, too, will anyone who wants a unique memoir with a dose of faith, or someone who’s an “American Idol”watcher. Find “Devout” and be sure to share. You won’t mind.

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