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To come out or not to come out?

It is not always safe for people to publicly declare who they are

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coming out, gay news, Washington Blade
Tausif Sanzum (Photo courtesy of Tausif Sanzum)

Harvey Milk once said, “You must come out … and once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions.” What exactly does it mean to “come out?”

A lot of modern definitions speak of coming out as a process. Often the first step is coming out to oneself and over time one may choose to tell their friends, family and people in the community. But the choice to open up with some people in one’s life, but not with others, should remain with oneself. There is a stark difference in the two statements. While Milk wants LGBTQ individuals to come out and assert their identities in order to break stereotypes not just for the individuals’ personal liberation but for the community as a whole, the other statement talks about putting the decision and choice on an individual to choose what and who they are comfortable with sharing this extremely private information. This is where it becomes a tricky situation — to come out or to not come out? Of course, there is the third option of selective coming out.

National Coming Out Day is a national LGBTQ awareness day dedicated to coming out so that individuals do not continue to live in fear or silence once they can open up about their sexual orientation to their loved ones. There is a lot of emphasis put on “coming out” for LGBTQ individuals particularly from within the queer community itself. A repeatedly asked question to queer individuals is, “Are you out about your sexual orientation?”

While the idea of “coming out” is noble, does it fail to take into consideration that the safety situation and surrounding environment is not same for all LGBTQ population? While one can see proud parents walking with their queer kids at Capital Pride held in D.C., there are also several parents such as those of Garrard Conley who send their children for conversation therapy to rid them of their “homosexuality.” The idea of “coming out” is to fight oppression allowing queer individuals to live their lives with dignity and on their own terms. However, to a large extent it has evolved to become an additional check box which one has to cross out to prove their queerness.

Rasel Ahmed, the editor of Bangladesh’s first LGBT magazine who has been forced into exile out of the country since 2016, is of the opinion that “coming out” shouldn’t be a singular act as it’s often portrayed in the Western media. For him it is a form of communication which can happen in many layers and can continue to be a lifelong process.

There is a common critic of “coming out” that if straight people do not feel the need out to assert their heterosexuality, why should queer individuals do so? A black gay man living in D.C. who is out to his mother says that because “being straight has become the norm and it is important for queer individuals to ‘come out’ and challenge this heteronormative ideology of sexual identity.” While some individuals like him are surrounded by friends and family who accept them for who they are irrespective of their sexual orientation, there are many who are denied that empathy and acceptance. According to an analysis of data collected by the Federal Bureau of Investigation, LGBTQ people are the most likely targets of hate crimes in America. If this is the level of vulnerability which queer individuals can face in a developed nation, one can only imagine the dangerous position that “coming out” can put a queer person in countries where “homosexuality is a crime punishable by law.”

While “coming out” can be a liberating experience for some individuals, it should not be seen as a major yardstick for someone to identify oneself as queer. A lot of factors should be taken into consideration before “coming out.” First of all, is the individual doing it out of their own need of self-acceptance or because “coming out” is being advertised as a major direction towards being queer. How safe is the person’s environment for them to come out? Do they have a backup plan in case their “coming out” does not bear the result they expected? And most importantly, is the person ready to “come out” and whom do they want to share this information with?

Also, it should be reminded here that it takes a lot of courage for an individual to share this intimate detail of their life with others. They deserve empathy, love and kindness from the people they chose to share it with because these are individuals they felt feel most safe with and understood by.

Tausif Sanzum is a D.C.-based Bangladeshi journalist.

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Candidates should pledge to nominate LGBTQ judge to Supreme Court

Presidential, Senate hopefuls need to go on the record

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U.S. Supreme Court (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

As soon as the final votes are cast and counted and verified after the November 2026 elections are over, the 2028 presidential cycle will begin in earnest. Polls, financial aid requests, and volunteer opportunities ad infinitum will flood the public and personal media. There will be more issues than candidates in both parties. The rending of garments and mudslinging will be both interesting and maybe even amusing as citizens will watch how candidates react to each and every issue of the day.

There is one particular item that I am hoping each candidate will be asked whether in private or in public. If a Supreme Court vacancy occurs in your potential administration, will you nominate an open and qualified LGBTQ to join the remaining eight?

Other interest groups on both sides have made similar demands over the years and have had them honored. Is it not time that our voices are raised as well? There are several already sitting judges on both state and federal benches that have either been elected statewide or approved by the U.S. Senate.

Our communities are being utilized and abused on judicial menus. Enough already! Challenge each and every candidate, regardless of their party with our honest question and see if honest answers are given. By the way … no harm in asking the one-third of the U.S. Senate candidates too who will be on ballots. Looking forward to any candidate tap dancing!

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2026 elections will bring major changes to D.C. government

Mayor’s office, multiple Council seats up for grabs

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(Washington Blade file image by Aram Vartian)

Next year will be a banner year for elections in D.C. The mayor announced she will not run. Two Council members, Anita Bonds, At-large, and Brianne Nadeau, Ward 1, have announced they will not run. Waiting for Del. Norton to do the same, but even if she doesn’t, there will be a real race for that office. 

So far, Robert White, Council member at-large, and Brooke Pinto, Council member Ward 2, are among a host of others, who have announced. If one of these Council members should win, there would be a special election for their seat. If Kenyon McDuffie, Council member at-large, announces for mayor as a Democrat, which he is expected to do, he will have to resign his seat on the Council as he fills one of the non-Democratic seats there. Janeese George, Ward 4 Council member, announced she is running for mayor. Should she win, there would be a special election for her seat. Another special election could happen if Trayon White, Ward 8, is convicted of his alleged crimes, when he is brought to trial in January. Both the Council chair, and attorney general, have announced they are seeking reelection, along with a host of other offices that will be on the ballot.  

Many of the races could look like the one in Ward 1 where at least six people have already announced. They include three members of the LGBTQ community. It seems the current leader in that race is Jackie Reyes Yanes, a Latina activist, not a member of the LGBTQ community, who worked for Mayor Fenty as head of the Latino Affairs Office, and for Mayor Bowser as head of the Office of Community Affairs. About eight, including the two Council members, have already announced they are running for the delegate seat.

I am often asked by candidates for an endorsement. The reason being my years as a community, LGBTQ, and Democratic, activist; and my ability to endorse in my column in the Washington Blade. The only candidate I endorsed so far is Phil Mendelson, for Council chair. While he and I don’t always agree on everything, he’s a staunch supporter of the LGBTQ community, a rational person, and we need someone with a steady hand if there really are six new Council members, out of the 13. 

When candidates call, they realize I am a policy wonk. My unsolicited advice to all candidates is: Do more than talk in generalities, be specific and honest as to what you think you can do, if elected. Candidates running for a legislative office, should talk about what bills they will support, and then what new ones they will introduce. What are the first three things you will focus on for your constituents, if elected. If you are running against an incumbent, what do you think you can do differently than the person you hope to replace? For any new policies and programs you propose, if there is a cost, let constituents know how you intend to pay for them. Take the time to learn the city budget, and how money is currently being spent. The more information you have at your fingertips, the smarter you sound, and voters respect that, at least many do. If you are running for mayor, you need to develop a full platform, covering all the issues the city will face, something I have helped a number of previous mayors do. The next mayor will continue to have to deal with the felon in the White House. He/she/they will have to ensure he doesn’t try to eliminate home rule. The next mayor will have to understand how to walk a similar tightrope Mayor Bowser has balanced so effectively. 

Currently, the District provides lots of public money to candidates. If you decide to take it, know the details. The city makes it too easy to get. But while it is available, take advantage of it. One new variable in this election is the implementation of rank-choice voting. It will impact how you campaign. If you attack another candidate, you may not be the second, or even third, choice, of their strongest supporters. 

Each candidate needs a website. Aside from asking for donations and volunteers, it should have a robust issues section, biography, endorsements, and news. One example I share with candidates is my friend Zach Wahls’s website. He is running for United States Senate from Iowa. It is a comprehensive site, easy to navigate, with concise language, and great pictures. One thing to remember is that D.C. is overwhelmingly Democratic. Chances are the winner of the Democratic primary will win the general election. 

Potential candidates should read the DCBOE calendar. Petitions will be available at the Board of Elections on Jan. 23, with the primary on June 16th, and general election on Nov. 3. So, ready, set, go! 


Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist.

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Lighting candles in a time of exhaustion

Gunmen killed 15 people at Sydney Hanukkah celebration

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(YouTube screenshot via Reuters)

In the wake of the shooting at Bondi Beach that targeted Jews, many of us are sitting with a familiar feeling: exhaustion. Not shock or surprise, but the deep weariness that comes from knowing this violence continues. It is yet another reminder that antisemitism remains persistent.

Bondi Beach is far from Washington, D.C., but antisemitism does not respect geography. When Jews are attacked anywhere, Jews everywhere feel it. We check on family and friends, absorb the headlines, and brace ourselves for the quiet, numbing normalization that has followed acts of mass violence.

Many of us live at an intersection where threats can come from multiple directions. As a community, we have embraced the concept of intersectional identity, and yet in queer spaces, many LGBTQ+ Jews are being implicitly or explicitly asked to play down our Jewishness. Jews hesitate before wearing a Magen David or a kippah. Some of us have learned to compartmentalize our identities, deciding which part of ourselves feels safest to lead with. Are we welcome as queer people only if we mute our Jewishness? Are those around us able to acknowledge that our fear is not abstract, but rooted in a lived reality, one in which our friends and family are directly affected by the rise in antisemitic violence, globally and here at home?

As a result of these experiences, many LGBTQ+ Jews feel a growing fatigue. We are told, implicitly or explicitly, that our fear is inconvenient; that Jewish trauma must be contextualized, minimized, or deferred in favor of other injustices. Certainly, the world is full of horror. And yet, we long for a world in which all lives are cherished and safe, where solidarity is not conditional on political purity or on which parts of ourselves are deemed acceptable to love.

We are now in the season of Chanuka. The story of this holiday is not one of darkness vanishing overnight. It is the story of a fragile light that should not have lasted. Chanuka teaches us that hope does not require certainty; it requires persistence and the courage to kindle a flame even when the darkness feels overwhelming.

For LGBTQ+ Jews, this lesson resonates deeply. We have survived by refusing to disappear across multiple dimensions of our identities. We have built communities, created rituals, and embraced chosen families that affirm the fullness of who we are.

To our LGBTQ+ siblings who are not Jewish: this is a moment to listen, to stand with us, and to make space for our grief. Solidarity means showing up not only when it is easy or popular, but especially when it is uncomfortable.

To our fellow Jews: your exhaustion is valid. Your fear is understandable, and so is your hope. Every candle lit this Chanuka is an act of resilience. Every refusal to hide, every moment of joy, is a declaration that hatred will not have the final word.

Light does not deny darkness. It confronts it.

As we light our candles this Chanuka season, may we protect one another and bring light to one another, even as the world too often responds to difference with violence and hate.

Joshua Maxey is the executive director of Bet Mishpachah, D.C.’s LGBTQ synagogue.

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